Tuesday 25th September 2012
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mintyfresh highlights Wildest rumour Someone’s vigilante alterego was brought out after drinking. His first sip of alcohol prompted him to quote Batman for the rest of the evening while lying on the floor.
Natural phenomenon One fresher woke up this morning in unfamiliar surroundings. To his intense horror he nearly found himself breakfast for what he thought was a particularly ravenous rabbit. He briefly contemplated how embarrassing, and yet still curiously painful, departing this world at the paws of a fluffy rodent would be, he realised that he was only viewing a vision or spirit, perhaps summoned forth from the void by Druids seeking to impart all of nature’s mighty wisdom. Several Quantock freshers were seized by a compulsion to climb. Instead of finding shelter in the breezeblock walls of their new homes, they took to the trees. Unfortunately not all of our would-be apes were as agile as they might have wished. One fell to the ground in an unsteady dismount from the towering Westwood treeline. Obliging housemates were on hand to
catch them. A fresher from Quarry was not so ungainly in her dismount from a hastily constructed human pyramid. While at first she seemed to be heading for disaster she showed tremendous agility in her reaction, dropping herself into the arms and mouth of an obliging gentleman nearby who we are sure was only looking out for her wellbeing. mintyfresh has heard rumours of a wild bearman tearing round Solsbury kitchens late into the night. The majestic beast has a tendency for sitting proudly at the head of the table revelling in his own company in the darkness. Whatever the truth is, someone has a ridiculous fancy dress budget. If you are one of the lucky hunters to spot the grizzly guy, do let us know. Our reporters were lucky enough to meet a mathematician unlike any other. When asked what
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she would do if she won a million pounds, she immediately replied: “buy another million pounds”. Whilst our, no doubt, inadequate brainsacks couldn’t comprehend her logic she assured us it was the only sensible way to deal with such a windfall. The queue into the evening event appeared to be attracting further numbers by bellowing various songs that were uncharitably described as ‘chants’ by a few philistines. Here in the mintyfresh Towers we recognised them for what they were – group devised mating calls. Allowing your peers the chance to involve themselves in this once in a lifetime mass-rutting is not only courteous, it serves the purposes of evolution admirably. No doubt, fresher biologists were conducting an investigation into the phenomenon, at least by acting as the control group.
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Q&A Which historical figure would you fight and why? “Winston Churchill, I would fight him on the beaches old fashioned style with fisticuffs.” ‘Sandy Pugilist’ from Solsbury
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Event Highlight The giant conga line which snaked through the Sports Hall, was so large we were first alerted to it by NASA. Reports suggest that SU President Chris Clements was held up in this monstruous man snake and was therefore unable to return to the SU.
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Fuck the weather
The Vice Chancellor’s speech was an event that compelled throngs of freshers to throw off the yokes of their hangovers to listen attentively to our glorious leader’s address. While most students felt suitably roused,
four young anarchists felt a visceral reaction to her authority and proceeded to vomit. Some appeasers have suggested that this co-ordinated display of technicolour protest was a result of excessive drunkenness
the night before. mintyfresh is disgusted that anyone would deny such a dedicated display of political activism. This generation needs all the non-apathetic members it can take. Campus Challenge was, sadly, possibly indefinitely postponed this year. The Weather Gods decided that the challenge wasn’t great enough for such a bumper crop of freshers so added gallon after gallon of freezing cold rain. Unfortunately, when the Campus Challenge was being devised, neither hypothermia nor dampness were included in the criteria so, in the interests of your continued enjoyment of Freshers’ Week (and any subsequent living you choose to do), the whole thing was called off. All complaints send to: Odin, Valhalla, Asgard, PO Box 1. Terrible weather was one of the inevitable topics of conversation at the meet and greet for International students hosted by the International Student Advice Team as part of the
LINC (Life in a New Culture) scheme. The meet and greet was a thoroughly British affair, with cream teas and awkward introductions. As chatter rebounded throughout the room, borders were broken down and the beginnings of friendships were founded. Later on the students were led in a challenging quiz. The main topic seemed to be our beloved Kate and Wills, confounding those Internationals who haven’t yet acquainted themselves with Britain’s favourite national treasures. Later on in the evening a group of charming postgrads all met up for some high-speed friend making in the Claverton Rooms, thereby proving that age does not bring more confidence and ease when forming relationships. Basically, as University of Bath students we’re all in the same boat; we’re all just as shit at introductions as each other. Rejoice in the awkwardness everyone, we all fit in here.
Tuesday Highlights Fresher of the night Departmental Inductions
PG Campus Tour
ICIA Freshers’ Fringe
UG - 13:00-18:00
PG - 14:00-15:30
PG Pizza and Board Game
Alumni Pub Quiz
PJ Party with Radio 1’s Scott Mills Sports Hall
21:00 - 02:00
‘Directory Dude’ from City. This enterprising fresher decided that he would go around campus collecting numbers and names. Men, women, crew - he took anyone’s details. What mintyfresh particularly liked about this one man
mission to gather all this information was his commitment to the gathering of new information. This makes him a fine candidate for Student Media, as are the rest of you. We are really not that picky. Incidentally, fuck the data protection act.