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mintyfresh... fresher than a Tub full of first years

The Freshers have landed, and let’s just say the first night was, erm… eventful, to say the least...

out for ‘socialising’ too enthusiastically. Embarassing. In the smoking area (once we had stepped around the suspicious puddle on the floor that we later discovered was courtesy of one classy Woodland girl) we were approached by one rather handsy fresher who, whilst being disappointed we weren’t first years available for the taking, seemed to be very happy we would be gracing his kitchen with our presence throughout the week. He happened to have a very appropriate surname, too, so ring 07887516*** if you want to ‘Pardy’. Back to the juicy bit - our Freshers of the Night were spotted emerging from the disabled loo, pursued by security, after having what they later described as a “political debate”. Why on earth this would require the removal of all clothes we are yet to fathom. We later found them trying to jump the fence into the smoking area. After calming them down and convincing them we weren’t a bunch of “mental bitches” (an accusation made by the female party) we !FRESHER OF THE WEEKEND! got to know them better. We’ll nickname them “Mr Floppy” and “Ms Disappointed”, take from ‘Mr Floppy’ - caught in his birthday suit; what a that what you will. After much discussion, and LOO-ny fresher University of Bath Freshers 2011, you are doing the discovery that it was Mr Floppy’s birthday, us proud! You’ve only been here three days but they made their merry way back inside. Ms Diswe’ve already seen levels of, er, socialising that would rival one of Lindsay Lohan’s birthday parties. Occurences so far include the above ‘fine’ specimen of a gentleman getting caught, with his trousers (and everything else) down at the first big event of the weekend; the Surprise Party. Good effort, mate. The Norwood residents kicked it all off with the world’s BIGGEST game of ‘I have never’ ranging from “I have never been on an aeroplane” to “I have never peed myself in public when drunk”. Let it be known that someone on our sabbatical team may have imbibed at this Yes this could, in fact, be the largest EVER game of ‘I have never’ point. Unfortunately(?), we didn’t witness anyone admitting to punching a farmyard animal, but appointed later commented, “He couldn’t even one nice young man did give us all a detailed ac- get it up!” (we assume she was talking about count of the super-fun solo time he once had on the door handle) and was later seen in the toia plane. Not even long-haul. mintyfresh then lets turning her pants the right way round (must partied our way across campus to find hundreds have been an error in getting dressed). Witnesses of you freshers spilling out onto the front lawns in informed mintyfresh that she later found anWestwood. All we can say in print is that we met other willing Fresher see to her ‘needs’. Once we some ‘interesting’ characters... seen enough (and far too much) we slid across Just before we squeezed our way into the jagerbomb-coated floor towards the exits, The Tub, we came across Rory from Solsbury, just as we saw another couple scurrying towards worthy of a mention as he’d already been thrown the disabled toilet. No lie.

Monday 26th September 2011

International students show off their immense flag-drawing abilities

New international arrivals were given the chance to meet and greet fellow students at two events in 4 West’s Tiki café. On arrival we were given a sticker and a stick and all got to work crafting our home flags - some with more success than others (some flags are really hard to draw!). Students came from all over the world, including Spain, France, Estonia, Hong Kong, Denmark, Canada, China, Austria and Germany to name but a few, some on Erasmus exchanges and others studying full-time. We went along to chat to some of them and find out just what made them choose Bath. Asking the question “Why Bath?” our favourite answer was Andras, from Hungary, who said: “It’s beautiful… I’m in love with it”. Whilst some came to Bath by word of mouth or by finding us online; we were repeatedly told Bath boasted outstanding rankings in a number of subjects - but not drawing flags, clearly!


Our favourite fail of the night (we had sevreal to choose from) had to be the scantily-clad Eastwood fresher at the bar who proclaimed herself a heavyweight, ordered two pints of snakebite and attempted to down both at once. This only resulted in a cascade of lager, cider and blackcurrant being poured down her top and through her hair and we found her half an hour later, curled up at the bottom of the stairs with far less clothing on, mashing out some kind of text to her flatmate whom we gather had already been on the prowl and gone home with her latest conquest. Good one.

The search for the most slammin’ shindig of the week gets underway... Brought to you by the bathimpact team

Once the alcohol, bodily fluid and conga lines had dried up, we decided to call it a night and slunk home, nursing our wounds from over-enthusiastic face-licking, arse-grabbing and the odd proposal, happy in the knowledge that it all really begins today.

Bring it on Bath, bring it on. The students from Solsbury Court put their best freshers faces on; say ‘mintyfresh’ everyone!

Cheese night reaches stilton status as arrivals get ‘extra mature’ Cheese Night; we forgot how excellent you could be. Watching a thousand students doing the Macarena is surely a sight to be seen, however, it must be said, for people who are aged 18 to 20, you definitely showed a little too much excitement; Captains and sabbs get good and cheesy Brendon Court displays a good effort. Our report- really guys, this song’s primary market ers say the Ms Disappointed is captured here is youths aged 7 to 14. We also enjoyed Beware the incredibly tall fresher who but which wild woman is she? the sight of you all running “your hands gets absurdly drunk and crushes happyThe mintyfresh team headed off on Sunday through your fro”. go-lucky freshers on The Tub dancefloor. night in pursuit of the lights and sounds of the If you see this man, our witnesses give the best freshers pre-socialisation of the night. We advice: “Run away. Please, just run”. were instantly attracted to Brendon Court, where what we must conclude to be the runner-up Wolfson newcomers should keep an eye party was underway; having around 50 people out for two male freshers who apparently in one kitchen singing the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air love a cheeky spoon in random girls’ means both a lot of excitement and a lot of sweat. beds. Our source had to viciously force As we squeezed past the highly luthem to leave her room, so women of bricated freshers, however, we did have a very Wolfson … keep a keen eye out for our unexpected reunion with one ‘Ms Disappointed’ loved-up pair. (see above). As we continued on our journey across campus, we were impressed by the patrioWe were also told about a wandering tism of the new Conygreans, who were express‘sexual’ predator prowling the dancefloor; ing their adoration for Conygre, the Queen, and but with only the description of “short, Wales. brown hair and a knowing look” there All of Westwood had spilled out onto was only so far our investigative journalthe grass in front of their halls and, unlike last year, ism could go. Good luck, girls. none of these parties seemed to have yet been declared “illegal”. Westwood, so far your FreshBEST LEAST Dressed Fresher ers’ Report is ‘must work harder’. In Norwood level 6 we found a pretty impressive gathering, a man dressed as a Zebra should surely get together with the guy walking round dressed as a tiger (may I now point out that the tiger suit has been worn for two consec- Onesie of the weekend... goes to ‘Zebra Man’ utive club nights; no washing, slightly disgusting) We met a lovely duo of Span Naomi from Solsbury MD6, your ish charmers; Miguel and Manuel from friends hope you had a peaceful night’s sleep, Woodland and Westwood, who told us which I doubt happened seeing as the winning about their friends Alex and Mark who party of the night was only a few metres below were involved in a very embarrassing you. When all of you climbed a hill to plank for a situation involving some meat paste, a This vulumptious lady wins the mintyfresh acclaim photo we were very impressed. A good start to mouth, and some spherical appendages of ‘Least Dressed - bring on tomorrow’s competitors! the halls of the week rivalry. that dangle southwards. - Mr Floppy: “I have lost my friends.” Our reporter: “As opposed to your dignity?” fresher: “The magician licked meat paste off his balls!” QUOTES OF THE NIGHT: -- Woodland Westwood fresher: “My mate Lewis shat himself...” - Jonathan from Norwood: “I have already urinated on Eastwood” (Burn!)

mintyfresh 2011 monday  

The first edition of our special freshers week paper, mintyfresh