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Monday 2nd November 2009 Volume 11 Issue 4

impact student

The Big Issue Sam Foxman and James Hemson News Contributors AT THE start of this year over one hundred students were in shared rooms on the University of Bath campus. Overbooking of the University’s accommodation means that some of these students are still without any privacy, living in a space unintended for more than one resident and sleeping on narrow, uncomfortable camp-beds. Most of these students are first year undergraduates who will have had quite a different fresher experience to most of the University’s students. Despite the new halls and the many refurbishments which have taken place across the campus, for such a volume of students to be essentially homeless within the University is unprecedented. Accommodation has been overbooked in the past because there is no exact method for predicting how many students will achieve the required grades, or how many will come to Bath as a back-up choice. The University generously guarantees to provide accommodation for any students who fulfil certain criteria - the largest of these groups is first year undergraduates - but for so many students to be in this position cannot be regarded as an acceptable level of error. Bath is not alone in committing this institutional mistake. A change of government policy in July of this year made funding available for ten thousand additional students. In addition, changes to rules on immigration meant that it was not until the 18th October that Accommodation Services were aware of how many overseas students would

TOO MANY COOKS...? be able to take up their places and so rooms had to be held for them. When interviewed, the freshers seemed to have an air of quiet resignation about their situation. With no point of obvious comparison this resignation is understandable. This is, they feel, what university life is. In many ways these students will have had an entirely different experience of Freshers’ Week and their first days in Bath. Though they have the same chance to bond - and have no choice but to bond with their new roommate - when the time comes to move on and a room becomes available they may, in order to find some privacy and space, leave their friends behind and find themselves

having to integrate into a group which has already been established. The longer this situation goes on for, the worse its outcome for each student. Accommodation Services have worked to keep the movers close to their former housemates when this has been possible and desired. Some of the accommodation offered to these students is very pleasant - rooms intended for twin use and rented at less than their usual cost. The worst of the rooms leave a considerable amount to be desired: they have only one ResNet internet port between two people, and one of the two students has been sleeping on an uncomfortable camp-bed ever since his or her arrival. They are faced

with a choice between requesting a second desk and further limiting the space available to them, or taking it in turns to work in said space. The ResNet ports can be used by more than one of the users of the room if a router is purchased and in one case the students that we interviewed had invested in this. Not only are these students expected to live in these poor conditions, but they have also to contend with virtually no personal space and no sense of privacy. Some students that impact has spoken to have talked of the problem of being woken at abnormal hours by roommates returning from a night out, or by an early alarm for a lecture.

However, there has been compensation for these homeless freshers by the University. The University has given them a forty percent discount from the original price of the rooms. As a result the two students will pay around ten percent over the original cost of the room; the University is profiting from the students’ loss as a consequence of their policy. They have granted the students twenty pounds of food vouchers to spend on campus, which Accommodation Services have said is intended in no way to compensate the students, but rather as an apology. These vouchers were well received. More interesting in the homeless fresher goodie bag is the mysterious ‘Golden Ticket’. This ticket’s purpose is as a priority service at the BUCS helpdesk, however when presented at the desk one student told us “they didn’t seem to know what it was for”. The University have claimed they will have the students re-housed within eight weeks of the start of term, but by that time our first semester will be in its final weeks. Accommodation Services have said that, “We are now down to forty-two sharers, so significant progress has been made and we will continue to work closely with all those in a shared situation to ensure that they get transferred to a permanent single study bedroom as quickly as possible.” Accommodation Services are working admirably to resolve this issue and that the University guarantees to house certain groups of people is important. However, this is a problem which cannot be accounted for merely by changes in government policy. This is a failure of University policy, and that failure should be addressed.

In impact this week... Should you make the beast with two backs?

What would you do with Gary Glitter?

Surf’s up, dude! Not in Bath, obviously.




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News in Brief New block houses Library changes policy Bath Spa and Bath on food NEW YEAR, new regime: a new University students Heritage status, was a project policy on food and drink has been Josie Cox Features Editor A NEW block providing accommodation for three hundred and twenty seven students from both Bath Spa University and the University of Bath has been officially unveiled by Bath MP Don Foster. Students began moving into the property - situated on Lower Bristol Road, close to Oldfield Park and just a stone’s throw away from the canal - at the end of September, but at the official opening ceremony on Thursday local politicians, University representatives and residents were treated to a tour of the property as well as a glass or two of bubbly to mark the occasion.

£129 The starting price of a student room in the new block “Following our extensive research, we know that more and more students are looking for safe, quality accommodation in central locations,” Foster said, before officially opening the three hundred and sixteen room residence with a ceremonious handshake. He added that there still is a distinct lack of housing availability for students and that “anything that is helping to alleviate this problem is helping the whole community.” Foster’s address, which started with a cheeky reference to the everlasting debate over the pronunciation of “Bath”, was met by a warm applause and some enthusiastic nods from the small crowd clad in grey suits and ties. Before embarking on a tour of the brand new property, Foster raised his glass in a toast to Charlton Court. His sarcasm-tinged “God bless the students,” was met with a stifled chuckle from the crowd. Charlton Court, which took two years to build and was subjected to stringent planning restrictions due to the city of Bath’s World

of Bristol-based UNITE - the UK’s largest developer of student accommodation which provides living facilities in twenty three university towns across England and Scotland.

“Anything that is helping to alleviate this problem [of student housing] is helping the Thrill the campus A GROUP of students took part in whole community.” “One of the things we are particularly proud of is the relationship we have tendered with the University throughout the planning and construction phase of this project,” Estate Operations Director, Melanie Waters told impact, adding that the company’s key aim is to create accommodation where students have the opportunity to “create their own space.” Parts of the new building are made of Bath stone, enabling it to “be sympathetic to the cityscape,” architect Kieran Lilly said. Charlton Court is situated directly on one of the main roads into the city and it is important that the design therefore gives a welcoming impression, Lilly emphasized. He said that the façade compliments the modern building on one side of it, but also “nods towards the design of the Georgian-style building on the other side.” Head of Security Javier Marti, who is a part-time homeopath and leads a team of four other security officers, said that he was impressed by the new building. “We have someone on duty twenty four hours a day and the main issues we look out for are noise, medical emergencies and flat disputes,” Marti said. “But we have not encountered any serious problems yet.” According to Waters, all the rooms - which cost a minimum of one hundred and twenty nine pounds per week to rent - were snapped up by June this year, but rooms will be available to rent next academic year.

Information The opinions expressed in impact are not necessarily those of the impact editors nor of the University of Bath Students’ Union. Whilst every effort is made to ensure that the information contained in this publication is correct and accurate at the time of going to print, the publisher cannot accept any liability for information which is later altered or incorrect. impact as a publication adheres to the Press Complaints Commission’s Code of Conduct. Please contact them for any information Printed by 0845 1300 667

implemented in the library. Under the new rules, cold food and lidded drinks will be allowed on level two only, while only bottled water will be allowed elsewhere. The library’s management has also been keen to stress that the area in the library’s lobby, before the entry gates, should be used for hot and cold refreshments.

ALL UNDER ONE ROOF: The new complex will house 327 students

Bath’s own version of what has become an annual event called Thrill the World. Thousands across the world joined them in an attempt to beat the world record for the largest number of people simultaneously dancing Michael Jackson’s famous Thriller routine. The group of Bath students, who took part outside the campus’ library after the Students’ Union’s Comeplay club night on Saturday 24th October, joined twenty-two thousand other dancers worldwide, a figure which may constitute a new world record. The organisers of the event said they believed that the large number of participants was in part due to people paying tribute to the recently deceased star.

Family fireworks return to campus

BATH RAG’S annual family fireworks display will return to the campus on Saturday 7th November. The event, which begins at 6pm, will raise money for the Rag general appeal fund, which is annually distributed to charitable causes voted on by paid-up Rag student members. Wessex Connect, Cowlin and ISG Pearce are among corporate sponsors of the display. The display will begin at 8pm, and other entertainment on offer will include a funfair, a road-show by student radio station 1449AM URB, and performances by University Arts Societies, showcasing a wide range of student talent, from fire juggling to singing and dancing.

impact correction

IN THE 19th October edition of impact, the article ‘Bath biology students stranded in Honduras amid political coup’ stated that students in Honduras at the time of the recent political instability had heard ‘Breaking of glass, collapse of brickwork, setting off of car alarms and sudden hoarse outcries of pain and anger’ from their hotel. This was in fact not the case, and impact apologises for this factual inaccuracy. In addition, the student reported as having subsequently missed a train on her return to the UK was not in dispute with Cross Country, but another train operator.








Donkeys carry election forward Mark Thackwell Features Contributor THE RACE is on. In only one week, Afghans will return to the polls to vote in a presidential election runoff between Mr Karzai and former foreign minister, Abdullah Abdullah. The election is critical for the US’ ambition to secure democracy in Afghanistan - to have a government that is legitimate in the eyes of Afghans and the international community. It follows a first round of voting that

was marred by widespread fraud in favour of Mr Karzai. But what of the logistics involved in holding such an election? Well, a fleet of three thousand five hundred trucks, helicopters and three thousand donkeys are currently treading some of Afghanistan’s most inhospitable terrain to deliver millions of ballots, tamper-proof ink and equipment for the run-off election on 7th November. The task is especially challenging amid a growing Taliban insurgency and the

start of the notoriously harsh Afghan winter, typified by snow storms that cover most of the country. On election day, ninety-four thousand national soldiers and eighty-four thousand police, backed by one hundred thousand Nato-led forces, will be on duty to protect polling stations, but hundreds more will be judged too dangerous to open. Around six thousand five hundred polling stations were opened for the 20th August poll, but many will have to be moved for the second round to prevent a repeat of the fraud where remote, unobserved ballot boxes were stuffed with votes, enabling Mr Karzai to unfairly win the presidential election. A UN-backed watchdog commission declared a third of his votes to be invalid and subsequent US pressure has forced Mr Karzai to accept the findings and hold a reelection. One of the changes Western election reporters want to see is the replacement of thousands of the polling staff who they deemed proKarzai and who played a key role in

Not new news, will never be old news Alain de Bossard Features Contributor THOSE WHO keep half an ear and an eye on current affairs are likely to know the UK has reached a level of unemployment not experienced in decades. Over 2.5 million people are now in search for jobs the length and breadth of the country, this is one in every twelve of the working population. This is the result of a recession, the cost for the good times and flip side of the same previously prosperous coin. This is something an economy should take in its stride. Contrary to the hopes and dreams of many politicians and some very poor businessmen, slowdowns and recessions are inevitable; they are even cathartic for an economy. That said, this recession is a whopper. It is the worst UK recession since WW2, and part of a significant globalised recession. However, it is the result of an extraordinarily long period of prosperity and ‘downturnavoidance’ to coin a phrase. There was some talk in the early noughties about the end of the business cycle, because central banks had got inflation under control. The argument goes that with the smoothing of the upswings and downswings of price growth, the central banks have ingeniously managed to smooth the upswings and downswings of real economic

growth. This was a fallacy many were willing to believe, particularly politicians renowned for their superior economic record, who could now start gorging on public spending, an absolute vote winner! Prosperity came in the first half of this decade, where good companies were getting cheap money to pursue real investment and rightfully attain their juicy profit expectations. These are the good times, when everyone is feeling invincible, where individuals are buying new houses and new cars, where businesses see profits climbing alongside expense accounts and corporate retreats are booked every quarter. Downturn-avoidance emerged towards the second half of the decade. When unemployment was low

and adding to a workforce was getting more costly for the firm and when they found they had many more competitors than before. When individuals found themselves with ninety five percent mortgages to pay off, along with the new cars and steepening utility bills. This was where banks jumped to the fore and sought profitable returns from encouraging firms and aggressively pursuing households to take on increasing mountains of debt (an asset for them). What was remarkable was the extent this was allowed to go on. The correction from this ever more costly downturn-avoidance is the reason for the magnitude of our current recession. So with this knowledge, our only conclusion is to learn to take downturns and recessions in our stride and come to terms with the idea that over our working lives we are about to embark upon, we will experience at least half-a-dozen periods of gloom, of rising unemployment and growing fears for our new families and making our mortgage payments. Recessions are periods of grave concern but if we get it into our minds to expect these times to occur, that they will end as surely as they begin, then we will be much better placed than the current working generations to deal with the fallout when it happens again.

the fraud. About two hundred of the two thousand nine hundred and fifty district election co-ordinators will be replaced, but finding replacements for co-ordinators and poll workers implicated in fraud will be difficult, especially in a country where more than seventy percent of the population is illiterate. It is unclear if Afghanistan’s Independent Election Commission, the responsible body, will be able to fill open posts with better-qualified people. Providing the Afghan government can overcome these difficult logistical challenges, key questions remain over whether a runoff is likely to be any more honest than the widely discredited first one and whether the election will be representative of the nation as a whole. Marvein Weinbaum, a scholar at the Middle East Institute who helped monitor the August election, says the danger is that the fraud may simply be more sophisticated this time: “Instead of learning how to put better safeguards on the elections, the people who were perpetrating this may just give it the cosmetic

touches that it needs to make it look legitimate.” With regards to voter turnout we will have to wait till 7th November to find out, but Haji Mahboob Garmsiri, a senator from Kajaki district in Helmand told the Daily Telegraph: “In the second round nobody will be present for the election. In the first round people lost their fingers and ears for voting and they will not take the risk again.”

Why there’s no such thing as a free lunch BEAR STEARNS, Northern Rock, Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Fortis, Washington Mutual, Merrill Lynch, HBOS, Bradford & Bingley and the worst FTSE and DOW falls ever. Now that the repercussions of the global credit crunch have hit the

However, as oil prices skyrocketed and the cost of living jumped significantly, those consumers suddenly found themselves unable to repay their debts. The CDOs, which had been traded between banks and mortgage brokers, suddenly became worthless and banks were faced with huge losses totalling almost $1trillion throughout the industry. With various banks declaring

UK economy, what are the reasons behind the overwhelming economic downturn that has not just struck the City, but the worldwide economy as a whole? As the past housing boom erupted throughout the US, and indeed the UK, mortgage companies found themselves lending more and more as buyers not only bought for themselves, but sought long term capital growth in the buy-to-let industry. So mortgage brokers, now earning high profits, increased available credit and began lending to high risk consumers (those with a high risk of default). With growing City bonuses bank traders, eager to gain higher returns from their investments, noticed the high profits of mortgage dealers and began to purchase the subprime debt from high-risk consumers in collaterised debt obligations (CDOs).

insolvency, the LIBOR rate soared as banks lost confidence in lending to each other, worried that either one may run into bankruptcy at any time. Global stock markets then plummeted as investors sold off stocks and shares, worried not only about the vast impacts of the credit crunch, but the entire worldwide recession that could follow it. So, whilst economists say ‘you can’t get something for nothing’; are UK, and indeed international, investors to blame for this colossal economic quake that has shaken the global economy? As City banks prepare to hit the wall and consumers prepare to endure the troubled times ahead, perhaps investors far and wide should be aware that their previous windfall bonuses have come at a cost, not only to the banking sector, but to consumers and the population everywhere.

David James Features Contributor




The secret diary of a

SEXAHOLIC IT HAS come to our attention that the University of Bath needs sexing up! We, the Sexperts, are prepared to take on this saucy challenge! As fourth year students we believe we have the sexpertise, the sexperience and the willingness for sexploration to revolutionise your love life! In each issue we will reveal the secrets to successful dating, pass on the juicy goss and general advice on the Looove thing. We nominate ourselves as the first official Cupids for the University of Bath. Whatever you need to know, whatever you might have doubts about we will dig out the answers, but BEWARE... Cupid’s arrows can sometimes take an unexpected course. Prepare yourselves, the sex-over has begun! Love, The Sexperts (Donna and Anni) x x x P.S. Find us on Facebook! Search for “Bath Cupids” and add us as a friend!

The mysterious three day rule...

“OHHHHH DON’T text him back yet! You’ve got to wait for at least five hours!” This is the type of advice that us girls get from our ‘well-meaning’ male friends when we excitedly pick up our phones to reply to that long awaited message of love and interest from last weekend’s conquest. Five hours can, at times, feel like an eternity, but some go to the extent and mental torture of waiting a whopping seventy two hours! Due to this existential dilemma of “To text or not to text” we hit Happy Hour to find the truth behind this game. It soon became clear some of you were slightly confused by the instructions of The Three Day Rule. The Sexperts’

Dating Dictionary defines The Three Day Rule as “The obligatory three day wait between getting someone’s number and contacting them.” Your guesses varied from “Going on three dates before doing the no pants dance” to “Waiting three days after sex before dropping the bomb about your STI” to “The seventy two hours by which you should take the morning after pill!” However, when it came to your opinions on the matter you were more decisive. The majority of you seemed to think that waiting for three days is a bit pathetic whereas some self-containment of at least a few hours was seen as a positive thing. Fourth year student Kellett thinks the “chilled out, no rush” approach is best. Biology student Kirsty advises guys to get a move on: “I had a guy wait for a month before texting me, it’s not nice!” And shame on you those who admit to using the rule but hate being the target of it - fair is square! We are pleased with this result: let’s go with the flow and leave the

HOROSCOPE Madame Soufflé GREETINGS FROM the heavens my star children. I am Madame Soufflé and I will traverse the astral planes in order to guide you through the year. Fear not; for Madame Souffle will guide you through the darkest patches, with her prophetic words making you a more resilient and wiser person. Capricorn (22 December - 20 January) Because of the irregular alignment of Mercury and Venus, this week you definitely won’t meet a pink camel with Velcro skin. Aquarius (21 January - 19 February) Try reading a book upside down. Then try reading it the right way up, and see how much easier it is. Pisces (20 February - 20 March) Plato said that “for a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest of all victories”, but that was before the Eurovision Song Contest. Aries (21 March - 20 April) This week a pleasant surprise awaits you if you lick a stamp. Taurus (21 April - 21 May) Playing hard to get just encourages them: you know what bounty hunters are like. Gemini (22 May - 22 June) Last night was amazing; I never realised you could do that with dental floss and a radiator.

Cancer (23 June - 23 July) Don’t pick a fight with a Libra; you’ll lose. Leo (24 July - 23 August) In three minutes time, the stars will be aligned favourably for you to ask him out; unfortunately, that’s not much use as we went to press last Thursday. Virgo (24 August - 23 September) This week’s theme: Free Jazz. Next week’s: Expensive Jazz. The week after: Pay Nothing For Six Months Jazz Libra (24 September - 23 October) Pick a fight with a Cancer; you’ll win. Scorpio (24 October - 22 November) If you get a birthday card from Colonel Gaddafi, you really need to make some changes. Sagittarius (23 November - 21 December) If trying to instigate an act of mass karaoke on the bus, don’t choose Chopin’s Etude op. 10 no. 4.

calculating tactics to douchebags. Here are some dating rules that you shared with us: 1. Girls - Don’t kiss a guy on the first date! 2. Guys - If you invite a girl out to dinner you should always pay. 3. Don’t pull more than one person from the same house or corridor. 4. Don’t get with your other half’s best friend while you’re on a break. 5. Rules are meant to be broken - if there’s a connection go with the flow. The Sexperts will not be held responsible for outcome of the following advice: 1. Guys, when you are walking your new lady friend home, ask to use their toilet to get into their house. 2. After stalking your new girl, sneak into her house whilst she’s in the shower and leave her a message in the steamy mirror. The Sexpert’s special rule for success: Put the ‘phone down! Drunken texting doesn’t always get the result you were hoping for!

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi? TWO WEEKS ago, the Sexperts went under cover at Bath’s hottest new student night - Kitch at Komedia. To our absolute delight we found ourselves amidst a swarm of suspenders, satin gloves and sequined tuxedos - the Latin and Ballroom society had been let loose! The ambience screamed “voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”. For one night, and one night only, Komedia had become a scene from Moulin Rouge! The sensual bodies that sexily slithered together in perfect symmetry made our palms sweaty and left us lost for words. One young man who bore an uncanny resemblance to the dancing chimneysweep from Mary Poppins caught our attention - his smooth moves charmed ladies and certainly got him places as he grabbed his coat - he’d pulled. One foxy lady was about to experience his chimney sweeping techniques at home... Beware Surfers and Snowboarders, your reputation as the sexiest societies is on the line - the dancers are fast approaching!

The Chronicles of Siânia EPISODE 2: In which I conclude that romance is more dead than MJ

WAITING AT the Oldfield Park bus stop for the wondrous Blue bus to put in an appearance the other morning, I shamelessly listened to the avid discussion being carried out by two rather pasty and hung-over-looking young whippersnappers standing next to me in the straggly queue. They were, of course, discussing an anonymous member of the fairer sex. Boy probably called Matt, “So, you like her then?” Boy probably called Steve, “God, so much I actually thought I was going to come on her leg.” Is that you, Mr Darcy? I pity very much the poor young lady who may have presumed that,

the night before, the heroic Steve was whispering sweet nothings in her ear due to being captivated by her bewitching crooked smile / luminous eyes / quiet intelligence and gentle wit / other crap that Glamour and Disney have told her that people fuelled with testosterone like. Little girls are spoon-fed this shit from the word go, in the form of Barbie and Ken, High School Musical and its spawn, and of course the mendacious Ms Austen. Having done exhaustive and meticulous research into whether romance has kicked the bucket (asking my housemates. Best friend Liz said “I’m pretty sure it’s dead. I heard a fresher say “What do you do if you’re doing a loud one and a girl walks in?” when discussing the new toilet layout in Mendip.”) I can only conclude that 1. Boys really need to look left and right before having conversations about bodily fluids and 2. No-one cares about love anymore. I know we’re all young, free, fuelled by a cocktail of hormones and Red Bull

and mainly not yet STI-ridden (although I hear that one way to show you are promiscuous is to have a disease check list); can’t we stop mercilessly mocking our dewy-eyed peers when they meet Mr or Miss Right? And maybe send each other little notes and floral tokens of affection instead of Chlamydia test results and lesbian porn? My (clearly unmanly) housemate Mat says, “Some lads will try and do the romantic thing to get in your pants, but a few guys are actually into the love story thing, they just don’t shout about it to avoid getting castrated”. While I would prefer it if couples who are genuinely amorous could avoid swapping spit and using vomit-inducing nicknames in front of me, my inner Elizabeth Bennett thinks that really, they are quite sweet and shouldn’t be mocked too much. Sian Lewis Co-Features Editor



Foreign Correspondence


Our lovely columnists report on la vie en rose SEVERAL SMALL but significant events happened over these past few weeks which seem to suggest a rather worrying truth: I am turning into one of ‘them’! Yes, a ‘Frenchie’. I will explain… The first sign I have been noticing is my automatic answering now comes out in French. If someone asks to take a chair from our table in a bar, without even thinking I whip out a nonchalant ‘bien sûr,’ and if I bump into someone walking down the street not only do I automatically come out with a ‘pardon’ without blinking an eye, I tend to add on the respective ‘monsieur’ or ‘madame’. The second sign is the forgetting the English word for things. We’ve all been there, linguists: you know what the word means in the second/third/fourth language but the English word for some extremely odd reason seems to have escaped your mind. This, along with my increasing inability to spell due to lack of reading English anymore, also proves the power of the ‘Frenchie’ who is slowly rising up within me. However it is the third sign which has disturbed me the most. Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you but think about it first. What is the first thing your parents teach you after you can walk? How to cross the road. Or, how not to cross the road or go anywhere near the road, ever, until you’re about fifteen. From an extremely young age we are programmed to stop (or at least

Rebecca Stagg slow down), look right, look left and then proceed carefully if it is clear. The other day without even thinking one ounce about it, I looked left first. Not only did I look left first, I didn’t slow down - I was crossing the road whether there was something coming or not. Some inner part of my brain is not only turning ‘Frenchie’ but more worrying turning ‘Parisienne-Frenchie.’ (For, as we all know, Parisian drivers do whatever the hell they want, and Parisian pedestrians do whatever the hell they want too – the green/red man lights are just there for decoration to them.) Other events have happened too over the past few weeks. I got ‘flu for example. My university told me I had ‘failed’ a module because I missed two lessons - due to ‘flu, oh, and my medical bill was eighty-six euros. This was not a pleasant experience but after much emailing and nose-blowing I am now over ‘flu and have established that I have not failed this module in the end. I should also tell you that my lovely boyfriend Ben came to see me (I promised him he’d get a mention this week) and we had a great weekend together, despite never venturing further than five hundred metres from my room. When he left I expected to feel homesick and desperate to go back with him. But, while I never like saying goodbye as I got the train back to Paris the only thing I was thinking about was how much more French I wanted to learn before we saw each other again and how much I needed to make the most out of this opportunity before it passed me by. Even if it does mean me turning a little bit French along the way!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT: The Hangover Edition Elinor Huggett and Charlotte McCulloch’s view

SAME SAME BUT DIFFERENT A F T E R V A R I O U S recommendations, I thought it was time to sample the reputed pleasures firsthand. My companion and I arrived at the café at around 11am on a typically dismal Bath morning, and found only one table unoccupied. The staff were charming, without being overwhelming, and we were immediately offered menus to peruse. The breakfast menu was small but sufficient, which inspired confidence in the quality of the food. I went for scrambled eggs on toast with bacon and mushrooms, while my fellow diner ditched his Aussie roots and went for a full English. Our coffee and fruit juice arrived promptly, and we enjoyed the laid back environment while awaiting our much needed food. The eggs were cooked to perfection: neither running

around the plate nor crumbly and dry. The bacon was, in my honest opinion, somewhat underdone, but the mushrooms were absolutely divine. The portion was big enough to feel decadent without being gross, and I cleaned my plate. The Antipodean cleared everything bar his baked beans with great gusto,

Gina Danielle Reay TIME REALLY is starting to fly by here in Paris, days roll into weeks, weeks roll into months... I can hardly believe it’s been a whole four months since I boarded my Jet2 flight from Leeds to Charles de Gaulle. As well as time speeding up, the sun has gone into hiding. In my last column I hinted that I was a bit disappointed about the lack of season change over here in comparison to the windy, leafy autumn that greeted me in Yorkshire. Well, j’ai parlé trop vite. Autumn has well and truly arrived over here and it is totally merde. I wake up for work – it’s dark. I arrive home after work – it’s dark. I walk out of my front door – it’s F-F-F-FREEZING and more often than not raining. It is very hard to motivate yourself to get out of bed in these conditions! Despite the drizzle though, la vie Parisienne is still pretty damn good. My last few weekends have been fairly relaxed. A few weeks ago a friend from work lent me a magnificent French film called ‘L’Auberge Espagnole’ which I would recommend to any languages student. It is about a Parisian student called Xavier who goes to Barcelona for an Erasmus and basically has the best year of his life: parties hard, makes lifelong friendships and has lots of strange adventures along the way. Although I love working life here in Paris it has sparked some excitement about my second semester

Erasmus in Italy. We also watched the sequel which is called ‘Les Poupées Russes’ which was a little disappointing... however if you want to see Kevin Bishop with embarrassingly long hair marry a woman ten times out of his league then it’s a must-see! As well as broadening my French film knowledge I have been working on my social life. Because so many peeps from my course have recently come to Paris for Erasmus, placements or assistantships, I thought it time to put my central apartment to good use and arranged a little rendez-vous on Saturday night. It was supposed to be aperitifs (‘predrinks’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it over here!) and then a club on the Champs-Élysées but it turned into a night of carnage in my flat (and I STILL can’t get all the red wine off the sofa!). Despite some of us perhaps drinking a little bit too much, it was a brilliant night and I like to think the reason for our lack of sobriety was the fact that we were just all so happy to be reunited! A few friends had come up from various regions around France, a French colleague from work came along to amuse everyone with his Frenchness (language students, you’ll all understand that after a glass or two of rosé our oral skills seem to improve a hell of a lot!) and a good night was had by all. It’s just so sad that I only have eight weeks of Parisian mayhem left!

CHARLOTTE AND Elinor, two final year students (FIMML and Maths respectively) passionate about food, have decided to eat their way round Bath, sharing with you the best independent establishments and tastiest recipes on a fortnightly basis. If, like our flatmate, food for you is merely fuel, please do not bother to read any further. In this week’s food-icle, the gastronomic adventurers will be investigating how to cope if you have been doing rather more drinking than thinking. After a rather soapy night spent in our beloved Elements, we were both feeling a little delicate. Elinor decided to explore one of Bath’s many independent cafés, and in the meantime, Charlotte remained in her PJs and cooked herself something tasty. and pronounced it delicious. Overall, I would highly recommend the café to anyone who needs a (fairly inexpensive) pick me up after a big night. Perhaps it is even too good for that: maybe even worth a sober visit? Meanwhile, chez Charlotte…

BUTTERY GARLIC M U SH R O O M S O N TOAST HAVING TRUDGED round the kitchen aimlessly attempting to straighten up the mess created from the previous night’s debauchery, I gave up and decided to use up the handful of remaining mushrooms on my fridge shelf. I only consume mushrooms spasmodically, so when I do make something with them, it’s all the more special. Into a frying pan went some anonymously owned groundnut oil, butter and two crushed cloves of garlic. I chopped the mushrooms roughly, more out of laziness than desire to follow the recipe and added them to the pan. Once they had simmered down, I added some cream cheese, and salt and pepper for flavour. After toasting and buttering two slices of bread, I poured the concoction over them and sat down to eat off

my hangover. This delicious yet basic recipe is not always given it’s due, but when it comes to the morning after, I would definitely recommend it! PS: * Teaspoon of Oil * 2 crushed cloves of Garlic * Handful of Mushrooms * Tbsp Cream Cheese * Knob of butter * 2 slices of bread. * Hangover (optional)




Sabbs’ Corner

Healthy Living Week - all week on campus Scarlett Seager explains all the healthy living events going on this week on campus

HI EVERYONE! This week is Healthy Living Week and you should all be excited about the events we’re putting on. First of all, our wonderful AWARE volunteers will be helping to promote healthy living and giving out of lots of helpful information to keep you aware of the benefits of eating well and regular exercise. We have organised a range of events for next week. On both Monday and Friday we will be putting on a ‘one off’ free yoga class for thirty lucky students who

are quick enough to sign up. If you’re interested please speak to our AWARE volunteers - you can’t miss them in their bright pink T-Shirts. Our volunteers will also be giving out free goodie packs, known as ‘Grub Club Packs’. These packs contain lots of fun things, including chef hats, recipe cards, an apron, playing cards, and much more. On Tuesday 3rd, we will see the Fruit and Vegetable Catwalk Show, occurring at 6.30pm in Elements. This is a free event, and you will be able to pick up free pieces of fruit,

amongst various other freebies! You will also get the chance to see some amazing creative work in the form of fruit/vegetable home-made

costumes, many of which will be modelled by our very own sabbatical officers. We hope to have other ‘fruity’ performances from a variety of societies on the night. This is a very informal event so you can come and go as you please. We hope it will be very entertaining and I doubt you will have ever seen anything else quite like it ;) If anyone wants to be involved in this show, it is not too late. If you’re interested please email me asap at Last but not least, all afternoon on

Thursday 5th November, we have the BBC along with the A-Mazing famous chef, Gizzi Erskine, standing outside the library to give out free food and carry out cooking demonstrations. She will be explaining how good food can really affect our mental health. Gizzi is not only a food writer, television presenter and stylist, she has also appeared on the wellknown Channel 4 programme ‘Cook Yourself Thin’, and has worked as GMTV’s food correspondent. Don’t miss out on this fantastic opportunity!

MOVEMBER IS an annual, monthlong celebration of the moustache, highlighting men’s health issues, specifically prostate cancer. Mo Bros, supported by their Mo Sistas, start Movember (November 1st) clean shaven and then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache. During Movember, each Mo Bro effectively becomes a walking billboard for men’s health and, via their Mo, raises essential funds and awareness for Movember’s men’s health partner, The Prostate Cancer Charity. This year we’re running Movember here at the University of Bath. If you want to sign

up you can go directly to the University of Bath Movember Team at http:// Alternatively you can go to the volunteer office in 1 East (through the door at the back of Plug by the pool tables) sign up there where you’ll be given a deposit slip for the minimum sponsorship of ten pounds and a sponsorship form. Mo Bros who register to take part in Movember will also receive free guest list entry to Flirt! on 27th November to celebrate and reward their dedication to the cause. Prizes will also be given out to the Mo Bros in several categories.

The SU wants your views.... Feedback Methods

ALL OF the research, surveys and questionnaires that we do have led us to the realisation that we are not very good at telling you about our accomplishments or letting you know what progress we have made on the issues that you have raised. To combat this we are trying different ways of keeping you informed of what’s going on and what we are doing to represent your views.

We don’t want to keep emailing you drips and drabs of news so this year we will be resurrecting ‘Your Union, Your News’. Last year’s Sabb team started it and we are continuing it. We will be collating little pieces of information that we feel you deserve to hear about but instead of sending it out a chunk at a time, we will collate it and send out a monthly news letter. We are always looking at new ways of getting relevant information across to you and are open to any new ideas you may have about how you want us to do this. If you have any ideas please feel free to email them through to

Food On Campus

LAST WEEK you may have noticed the Sabbs out and about asking questions about food on campus. This is part of our effort to find out what you think about the services on campus. Each year the Sabbs get together, look at the results of surveys from the year before and pull out potential problems, food on campus was one of these issues. We are working with hospitality@bath to ensure that they are providing services that you want to use. They recently ran hosted focus groups to analyse the public opinion on their different outlets on campus, we will be combining research to finally find out what you, the student body, think about the food offerings on campus. There were many problems raised last year by students regarding the Parade bar and its lack of choice. They have reacted this year by extending their opening ours, reintroducing their legendary Sunday carvery as well as, among other offerings, Mexican on a Wednesday. Both the Students’ Union and hospitality@bath are keen to ensure that you are being provided with the service that you deserve but to make that happen we need to know what you want. If you have any comments or ideas about food, email

Sport Facilities

THE STUDENTS’ Union wants to know what you think about the sports facilities at Bath and their accessibility to students whether you are a sports club member, an intramurals competitor, a recreational user or even if you don’t use them at all. The Sabbs and SA Exec committee will be out and about this week asking students what they think so if you see them please engage and get your opinion across. Sport has been identified as a key element of the student experience and we want to make sure the needs of the student body are met. For this we need to know what the student body think! Club members please also look out for a questionnaire regarding your facility use as a club. We want to know your thoughts on the amount of time you receive, the suitability of the time you receive and the type of facility available. Your committee should be emailing them out this week. This is your chance to have your say so if you feel strongly about any issues then please do make your voice heard. We are here to get the changes that you want made, please feel free to come and talk to me at any time. James Christmas- VP Sport

Societies’ site gets a complete overhaul

STARTING FROM today, the Societies page of BathStudent. com will be being overhauled with a new and improved layout. This should make it easier for potential members of societies as well as society committees to use the pages and improve the communication in the area. All society webpages will be moved over to the new layout au t omat icall y , and of cou rs e there may be teething problems, however most of these will be able to be fixed by those who have admin rights to edit the society page, so please try this first. If there are any major bugs/ issues with the new layout of the society webpage, please email

Worthy of University Challenge ?

THANKS TO all of you who have expressed an interest in representing the University of Bath in this series of University Challenge. I hope you are all able to attend the preliminary round on Tuesday the 3rd November at 8pm in Elements. From this trial we will try and find the best team possible to represent us in University Challenge 2010. If there is still anyone out there interested in getting involved in University Challenge, please come along on Tuesday night to answer a few questions and see how you do.

Swine ‘Flu update - don’t panic THE LAST thing I want to do is worry people over the seriousness of Swine ‘Flu, however it seems that I do need to remind students how important it is to report their suspected cases. With the number of national cases increasing fast, the University believes not all students who have been affected are using the current reporting system available. I cannot stress enough how important this is. For example, if a student is unable to attend a significant number of lectures for a week due to Swine ‘Flu and then decides to not bother reporting the case, the student will not have a leg to stand on when

they seek mitigating circumstances. Basically, you would be a fool not to report it! So, not only does the reporting system (through SAMIS) provide vital information for the University’s records, it also provides the University with proof that you have had to take time out of lectures because of Swine ‘Flu. To record Swine ‘Flu absence log in to SAMIS on the Web (using your BUCS user name and password) and from the Student Home tab, click on “Record Swine ‘Flu details” in the Student Tasks box. Daniel O’Toole - SU President







Catwalk congress and senatorial style Josie Cox Features Co-Editor POLITICS IS increasingly becoming a contest of self-promotion, and women’s looks are far from merely being an indication of their taste and style. Never before have the locks and frocks of female

politicians been so closely watched - making them a very real campaign tool, capable of swaying not just the fashion industry, but also political landscape and ultimately our futures. In January this year, newly appointed first female US House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, made a speech touching on the issues of

minimum wage, stem cell research and drug prices. The speech stirred mixed emotions and removed doubts that Pelosi would live up to the challenges of her new job. Naturally the New York Times had coverage of her appearance, but titled “Speaking Chic to Power”, the text elegantly skirted around the content of the address, focusing instead on Pelosi’s new look: “She did it looking preternaturally fresh, with a wardrobe that, while still subdued and over-reliant on suits, has seldom spruced the halls of Congress.” The New York Times article is not a one off, and it is testament to the fact that leading women are under immense pressure to look good not just for the press, but also for the ruthless public eye. Hillary Clinton is one of many candidates who broadsheets - but also respectable dailies - have torn apart for their hair styles, make-up and suits. American daily Huffington Post recently posted an online article titled Hilary Clinton’s Hair: The ups and downs. In it, the author claims that in the nineties, tracking Hillary Clinton’s hair was a national pastime. The article features a slide show of forty three different hairdos sported by the former first lady over the past two decades.

“To focus on their attire, the cut of their clothes... is to be in danger of trivializing who they are, the important role they play and the meaning behind women’s advancement to positions of power,” Ruth Mandel, director of the Eagleton Institute of Politics at Rutgers University in the States, tells a USA Today blogger. She adds that there is nothing we can do about appearance increasingly being thrown in the same category as party affiliations when deciding on who to cast our votes for. To top it all off, the Sunday Mirror recently ran a piece pointing out that French female politicians eclipse the British ones when it comes to how coiffed they look and how immaculately tailored their two-pieces are. In a country whose First Lady is a former model and on numerous “sexiest woman in the

world” lists, it is hard to undermine the importance of la mode in every day life, but even in Germany - a country renowned for being bureaucratic and earnest with strong conservative values - Angela Merkel’s cleavage could not escape billboards during her ultimately successful recent campaign. As the first female chancellor of Germany, Merkel has repeatedly laid emphasis on being appreciated primarily as a politician and only secondarily as a woman. But as belles like Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni begin featuring as often in Cosmopolitan as they do in the Financial Times, the public’s obsession with leading ladies’ looks seems to be a phenomenon we can’t escape. Is this the end of beauty being in the eye of the beholder? Perhaps we could vote on this issue democratically.

Taxing times Arctic Farmer gets Phil Bloomfield Ents Editor

IN A straw poll of those around me, I asked what they might demand from their government. “Cheaper alcohol!” piped up the man slumped in the corner. “More green initiatives and better public transport!” came the yell from downstairs. Strangely, not one of them called for higher taxation. As a man who has spent at least four hours during the course of the last year trying to claim back what was levied on him, I can understand that. Which is why it’s all the more confusing that news emerged this week of a group of rich Germans lobbying their parliament for a five percent ‘wealth tax’ to be levied over the next two years. The group has so far collected forty four signatures for their petition, snappily entitled ‘Wealthy People In Favour Of A Wealth Tax”. Dieter Lehmkuhl; a brewery owner and the leader of the group, told German broadcaster Deutsche Welle that the group’s aim is to “send a political signal to the public and to raise consciousness for this issue in the long run”. The decidedly un-Sauerkraut isn’t the only one planning to make the rich pay for a better world: In his April budget Gordon Brown

introduced a planned level of tax of around fifty percent for anyone who earns above £150,000. The response from the British well-to-dos has been less than positive: Artist Tracy Emin has threatened to leave the UK for France should next year’s April increase go ahead, and Russian football superstar Andrei Arshavin has warned that the Premier League will experience a ‘talent drain’ as top earning athletes flee the heavy taxation. But what is different about Lehmkuhl’s plan is that he is calling for this extra tax to be directly accountable: rather than vanishing into invisibility in the public coffers, the funds levied would be earmarked for specific projects. The group wants to see its money injected into ‘greening’ Germany’s economy and launching new environmental initiatives. More importantly they want the money to be pumped into Germany’s welfare state to narrow the divide between rich and poor - a throwback from the years of a divided Germany which has increased alarmingly since the financial crisis. Whilst his utilitarian pledge might need a few more than forty four signatures to win over Frau Merkel, he’s already convinced me of the benefits. Especially if it would reduce my tuition fees.

down to business Chris Hannaway Features Contributor MY INTEREST in business all started when I met Will, Arctic Farms co-founder, in the school playgrounds of Ripon back in 2000, we were eleven and selling sweets to unsuspecting classmates. Thankfully our new venture is a bit healthier than that and we’ve tried a few other things in between, but I think we’ve always known we would go into business together at some point. Arctic Farm, our frozen yogurt company (which is now available in the SU shop) originally started back in December 2007. Will and I were freshers in Mendip and looking for something to do, having sold some tee shirts and enjoyed one Neighbours episode too many. Frozen yogurt was something we had considered to have vast potential. I know a lot of people have never tried it or heard of it, which is a shame, as it’s a tremendous product in general. Imagine a fruit smoothie whipped with creamy yogurt, which is frozen to produce an ice creamlike, yet healthy indulgence. That’s Arctic Farm. No added sugar, nasties or nonsense, just a way of

making healthy food exciting and tasting good (apparently half the population don’t think plain yogurt is tasty). Arctic Farm has provided us with a lot of struggle (and highs) thus far and will continue to do so. It’s been a project that has been our semi-reason for existence for the last two years and to say we’ve not scratched at the surface is an understatement. Our main achievements include designing the most simple frozen yogurt recipe we can find (a challenge heightened by our lack of culinary precision) and being stocked in the world’s greatest

department store, Harrods. Oh, and not forgetting the SU shop. However, commercially we’ve got a long way to go and drinks aren’t on us quite yet, I’m afraid. To make it in food manufacturing involves dealing in big numbers and that’s something we are working towards, but haven’t yet achieved yet, having only started trading in mid-August. Our road to achieving our objective of getting frozen yogurt into every supermarket in the country, as well as the social goals that we have at Arctic Farm, has only just begun and it’s certainly going to be a tough. If you have an ambition to create a venture or start a company, I can only advise that you go for it, right away, whatever your current situation is. It’s a tough slog to get anywhere, we had to ring Harrods every day for three months for them to take our call, but as you make progress, it all becomes worth it. There’s no better place than here on campus: by getting involved with BANTER, the Entrepreneurs Society, you’ll learn a lot or possibly get your first break through them, like we did. Visit them at www.bathstudent. com/banter and take a look at all the activities going on this year to help make your idea a reality!




Pigeons, photography and fertility treatment: a classic combination Andrew Brown Contributor “AH CLICK click, ah click click. My camera, my camera, my camera never lies. Lies oh, oh, oh, oh.” So goes the chorus of the 1982 number one hit ‘My Camera Never Lies’ by Bucks Fizz. Having slid this single onto the record player during a trawl through my Aunty Tapioca’s coveted LP collection, it came to my attention that these lyrics are really rather profound. Had Bobby, Cheryl, Mike and Jay the time to write another verse, we can be fairly confident that they would have explained further their evident fascination with photography. One of the particularly brilliant concepts at the heart of photography is the ability to capture an instant of time, one which can be kept long into the future. I find that the more I think about this notion of a photograph as a unique insight into time gone past, the more fascinating and bizarre it seems. It’s important to realise that these ideas govern digital photography as well as all traditional forms of photography. Some would criticise the digital manipulation of a photograph because the original snippet of time captured has in some way been altered. However, photography is an art form, like painting, or ceramics, or the bending of pieces of pipe cleaner into stick men performing various vague occupations. In the latter instance, if I were to take said stick man and re-bend him into a position of performing a more recognisable task, let’s

say preparing a delicious meal of steamed mussels, it would then be fair to say I had imparted an improvement on his ill-defined form. Likewise, we can consider the moment of time the shutter button is pressed to denote the point at which a piece of art is created. Further augmentation to this basic framework can be likened to an artist adding paint to a pencil sketch. This is why I like photography and it is also why I now like Bucks Fizz. But let’s not get carried away; any old photo won’t do. What really differentiates a good photograph from an extraordinary photograph is the choice of subject. With this as a caveat, I should reveal my favourite subject (after all, an accomplished photographer knows his subject as intimately as his gut flora): the pigeon.

When people write about an animal with the ubiquity and insipidity of the pigeon, it is custom to include the species and family name in Latin, for two reasons. Firstly, to show that the poor creature described can lay claim to exciting Latin nomenclature, whilst advertising the breadth of the author’s Latin vocabulary. Secondly, to highlight the author’s accomplished Wikipedia searching skills. Effectively, by Latinising the word for a particular animal, the author vies for you to stroke his or her ego. As such, I’d like to make the point that the Latin term for the common pigeon is Columba Livia, which is an anagram of umbilical ova. The significance of this anagram is not immediately obvious but I’d like to venture a hypothesis, which is that ‘umbilical’ and ‘ova’ are both, in one way or another, related to making babies. Similarly the significance of this may not be immediately obvious. However, not being easily perturbed I’d like to make a further suggestion. Perhaps it’s possible that the common pigeon is to be of central importance to the next generation of fertility treatments? Perhaps, within a decade, health professionals will be instructing hopeful mothers to swallow two caplets of purified pigeon gall bladder thrice daily. And, perhaps, as an upcoming child-bearing generation we should start taking precautions against the expected rocketing in demand for pigeon gall bladder preparations by lobbying the biology department to focus their research efforts on stem cell derived pigeon gall bladders. By

speculating further, I risk straying from the topic in hand, which is of course photography, in relation to pigeons. What exactly does one aim to achieve by including a pigeon in one’s photograph? There is too little space for me to delve into the ins and outs of this philosophical question. However, what I can do is offer a couple of examples of why pigeons are great. In this way, you’ll hopefully understand that a pigeon-containing photograph is automatically and unequivocally a great photograph. It is a well known fact that pigeons have an amazing innate ability to find their way home when set free hundreds of miles from their loft. What we’re unsure of however is the underlying mechanism of this achievement. One particularly interesting theory I read explained that pigeons achieve their navigational feat by sensing the Earth’s magnetic field fluctuations. I actually stopped reading here because the website concerned ran out of pigeon photographs, causing me considerable offence and disallowing me from scrolling further down the page. With disbelief over how a dedicated pigeon website could possibly function without an adequate supply of pigeon photographs, I pressed the refresh button several times but the site had no more photographs to offer. So, for all intents and purposes let’s just say that pigeons have little magnets in their heads, which swivel about and allow them to make special calculations. In this

way, a particularly well-trained racing pigeon can apparently complete its six hundred mile journey home in just one day. It’s unclear as to whether the pigeon has the capacity to charter a very fast jet plane by way of explanation for this phenomenal effort. Indeed, I wouldn’t be surprised if the pigeon could find its way around the cockpit of Concord with its eyes closed; it’s a very clever bird. So clever that it can recognise twenty six letters of the English language, which is in fact all of the letters in the English language. With a navigation system worthy of the latest TomTom and a twenty six letter vocabulary, the pigeon has the world at the tips of its feathers. What more could you ask from a photographic subject than this? Well, on top of these and a host of other talents, the pigeon also possesses a certain and very important quality, which I find hard to put it into words. The only way you might stand a chance of comprehending it is to (excuse the cliché) stare at one straight in the eye. If you catch it right, you’ll find the pigeon will fix your gaze for the required length of time and at this very point a thick blanket of enlightenment will smother you. In this blanket will be a message: 100% polyester, keep away from fire. There will also be another message, which I can’t repeat here for fear of spoiling the surprise. Pigeons are marvellous, courageous and enigmatic birds with a future in the fertility treatment industry. Through photography we can capture and forever cherish a part of this funny little creature.

Bath students join locals in the campaign to ‘save the planet’ Patrick Scott Graham Member of ‘People and Planet’

MEMBERS OF the University of Bath’s ‘People and Planet’ society joined over 200 people from a variety of age groups and professions in the 350 Parade on Saturday October 24th. This was calling for strong action on climate change in the run up to December’s UN Climate Conference in Copenhagen. The parade, blessed with beautiful sunshine, ran through the streets of Bath, from the Royal Crescent to the Parade Gardens. Children, parents and students alike could be heard chanting ‘Save Our Planet’ as musicians serenaded the marchers. As the crowd moved alongside the

general public, people stopped to watch and read the banners. The Bath parade was part of an international day of action organised by, calling for a reduction of the ‘parts per million’ of CO2 in the atmosphere. ‘Parts per million’ is a way of measuring the concentration of different atmospheric gases. The 350 campaign calls for the current atmospheric CO2 levels to be reduced to 350ppm. Currently, levels stand at around 390ppm. The suggested upper safe limit is 350ppm, which is based upon the thoughts and research of various scientists, including NASA’s Jim Hansen. Bath MP Don Foster joined the parade and gave a speech highlighting the importance of

effective leadership on the issue. In addition to the 350 campaign, he encouraged people to join the 10:10 project, which aims to help individuals, businesses and institutions cut carbon emissions by 10% by the end of 2010. A representative from Oxfam also gave a speech on how climate change is currently affecting the world’s poorest people. People and Planet contributed to the event by making a banner

the night before the parade, which they carried on the day. Some members had attended the Bath Farmers’ Market in the morning, where local farmers sell fine produce. There, students had been involved in squeezing fresh apple juice, which made for a great treat after the parade. Students’ opinions of the parade were positive and it was great to mix with the locals of Bath. It would have been great to see more

students at the event, to spread the message and strengthen numbers. If you’re interested in the campaigns mentioned, visit and www.10:10uk. org. If you’d like more information on Bath People and Planet’s activities, please visit their society webpage at: societies/socs/peopleandplanet/




More than friends and back Robert Pattinson: again - an honest account a lonely heart?

YOU’VE BEEN at the University a couple of months now, you’ve settled in and you are getting on swimmingly with your housemates, maybe some more than others, maybe one more than others, maybe that cute guy/girl more than others. They’re the one that you stay up late with, hope to find in the kitchen and hope to catch a glimpse of coming out the shower (for those of you still in Eastwood or Westwood that is, those ‘en-suiters’ are really missing out). They’re your housemate but more importantly they’re your friend, good idea? Bad idea? Let’s see… As I felt his body lower on mine and his knee subtly push my leg aside our breathing fell in time, his strong arms placed mine above my head as his grip held my wrists firm against the mattress and between every delicious kiss I couldn’t help but wonder, can guys and girls really be ‘just good friends’? Not this night it seemed, or

kept re-occurring but we both knew that it was unwise for this to continue, a notion confirmed each time by making a deal that ‘this is the last time’; I lose count how many times this was actually said. Eventually it did stop. This was a good thing for our friendship as ultimately this wasn’t what we wanted from each other but where does it leave us? Contrary to expectations, things were never awkward and recovered well but our relationship never returned to just an average friendship, it was always that little bit more, that little bit closer, that little bit too close for friends. We hadn’t been friends long enough to have a foundation of ‘normal’ conduct so following such events the relationship we restored was unlike other friendships and although we successfully re-drew the line we had physically crossed, the accompaniments to this somehow

the night after for that matter. There were no expectations, no obligations, no romantic promise and little chance of this momentary affection transferring into our friendship on a full time basis. In the few weeks that followed this ‘momentary lapse’

remained. I would stay over with him and we would often lay entwined watching TV, but in contrast to this seemingly ‘couply’ arrangement we would discuss the people we liked and how we should best pursue this, yet all of this was from the safety of his warm

embrace beneath his covers. I was never naïve enough to expect this arrangement to last forever but as our lives each took slightly different turns circumstance dictated that our friendship could not remain the same as it had been. Although I knew this would happen at some point I wasn’t prepared for it so soon, and what’s more, I wasn’t even sure we knew how to go back to the conventional friendship that time had never really given us the chance to have. So where from here? There is actually little to achieve by proclaiming that guys and girls can or cannot be ‘just good friends’, what is actually more useful is to think ahead to a situation in which the friendship does advance into new areas, as so often it does in University, and ask where this would leave us. The problem we faced was never really whether we could have been just be good friends nor was it the fact that the boundaries were broken, it was more the question of how, following this, they could be rebuilt. It is far harder to re-establish the limits of friendship than it is to advance beyond them; furthermore very few of us are qualified to rebuild such a fundamental structure. Perhaps if you are going to push the boundaries you should just remember where they were to start with in case you lose sight of them along the way. Think ahead to whether your friendship is worth risking and assess what you both want from the situation, for it is often the case that an imbalance of feelings occurs and someone is not only likely to get hurt but you stand to lose what you had to begin with. Make sure that if you stray from the path of friendship you either know where you’re heading or that you remember the route back. They say that many people will walk in and out of your life but that only friends leave footprints; if this is the case then it was a pleasure walking with him and I hope that whilst we are currently on different paths that he is sometimes able to retrace his steps.

Isabelle Hayhoe WE HAVE all heard of Robert Pattinson, AKA the actor/singer/ model who plays Edward Cullen in the ‘Twilight’ saga. He’s won the hearts of many and let’s face it, he appears in more than just Bella Swan’s dreams. Crowned the ‘Sexiest Man’ by Glamour and ‘Hottest Actor’ by Rolling Stone, he’s a beaut who I want to sink my teeth into. That magnificently sculptured torso, his luscious locks, those penetrating eyes. But don’t get too excited ladies. Unfortunately for us, Pattinson has been associated with the likes of FHM’s ‘Sexiest Woman in the World’ Megan Fox, co-star Kristen Stewart and the Brazilian model Anna Schoenberger. Yet there is hope - he claims that he’s a lonely singleton and has been heard to say, “Girls scream out for Edward, not Robert. I still can’t get a date!” Besides an onscreen love interest in Cho Chang, it seems that Pattinson and Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe, have something in common. The Telegraph has reported that Radcliffe’s ‘love life is far from magic as he cannot find a girlfriend’. But how is this the case? In a world so obsessed with money and with a Gringotts vault housing his famous £25 million fortune, Radcliffe has failed to beguile female interest. What is this young Brit doing wrong?

UNLUCKY IN LOVE? He seems to have had no trouble sweeping her off her feet.

Bring on Shia LaBeouf. Star of Indiana Jones and Tranformers, LeBeouf has the status, the money, the looks and currently, a hot girlfriend, Carey Mulligan. Despite this, he also has been heard complaining that he has difficulty holding down a girlfriend. Why do these famous men struggle to strike up romance beyond the screen? What is their problem? With hoards of gold-digging, Hollywoodliving women queuing up for the sexy, rich and famous, why, I ask you, are these men falling short? I have a theory. Beyond a quest for an insatiable lover with fine looks and an unlimited wallet, we are searching for more. We live in a materialistic, superficial and somewhat cruel world, yet we (I am excluding the aforementioned Hollywood wannabes) are searching for someone who loves us for nothing more than who we are. The majority of us are not the privileged few who belong to the celebrity party circuit and thus are content dating people who make us happy. Our lovers needn’t look permanently airbrushed, nor must they hold a Coutts card; as long as we feel wanted and loved, we are satisfied. Perhaps dearest R-Pattz should take the plunge too and look beyond IMDb and find a lady in the real world. I’ll be waiting here for him. Will you?

‘Small talk moment of the week’ award

Debora Sönksen Contributor AS A fresher, I seem to spend a large part of my day strolling about (or race walking, in the case of my Wednesday 8:15 lecture) on campus, traditionally covering the halls-lecture theatres-libraryFresh-Parade-halls path. It has come to my attention that awkward moments arise everywhere, at any and all moments of the week. This week’s ‘Small Talk Moment of the Week’ Award goes to ‘Small Talk in Small Places’ – the Laundry Room. Doing laundry is a rather amusing time of the week down at Woodland.

The residents swipe their cards and walk into the laundry room cautiously carrying their washing up, trying to hide whatever articles of clothing are deemed ‘shameful’ by society (like those neon yellow tights that you, male individual, wore for the UV party). You carry fifty 2-pence coins in your pocket, and your washing powder and softener balanced on your hips. Upon arrival, everyone stares at you across their own piles of clothes, and eventually the most insightful of the group will say “Doing some laundry today, eh?” before shutting the washing machine door and heading back to his room. We all know why we and the

people around us are inside the laundry room. We are not there for cocktail socials, for lectures or for the impact meeting. There is no mystery to it, no hidden meanings for being in the laundry room, (or are there?) so I propose that instead of the usual redundant conversation, we play a guessing game. When I walk in, bet me that you can estimate how long it’s been since I last did my washing. Guess what washing program I’ll choose. Will I use the dryer? Whatever you do, do not ask me if I’m about to do some laundry - you might find your whites mixed in with your colours when you get back. And that, my friend, is not a mild threat.



2-15 Nov.

Mon 2nd Nov. Downtown @ PoNaNa 10pm - 2am

Thurs. 5th Nov. Better Bus To Bristol 7pm - 3am Fri 6th Nov. flirt! Clubbers and Ravers 9:30pm -3am

Club N ights

Sat. 7th Nov. Bath Rag Fireworks 6pm - 10pm Comeplay 9:30pm - 2am Mon. 9th Nov. Downtown @ PoNaNa 10pm - 2am Wed. 11th Nov. Score 9:30pm - 2am Thurs. 12th Nov. Better Bus To Bristol 7pm - 3am

live Sports

Wed. 4th Nov. Score 9:30pm - 2am Tues. 3rd Nov. Man. United Vs CSKA Moscow 7:45pm (UEFA Champions League) Wed. 4th Nov. Lyon Vs Liverpool 7:45pm (UEFA Champions League) Sat. 7th Nov. Wolverhampton Wonderers Vs Arsenal 5:30pm (Premier League) Sun. 8th Nov. Hull City Vs Stoke City 1:30pm (Premier League) Chelsea Vs Manchester United 4pm (Premier League) Mon.9th Nov. Liverpool Vs Birmingham City 8pm (Premier League)

Fri. 13th Nov. flirt! Casino Royale 9:30pm - 3am

Sat. 14th Nov. Brazil Vs England 5pm (International Friendly)

Sat. 14th Nov. Comeplay 9:30pm - 2am

University of Bath Students’ Union


Science Profile: The Curies MARIE AND Pierre Curie shared three Nobel prizes, and are considered among the Nineteenth Century’s most influential scientists. Marie, born in Poland in 1867, was a shy and retiring child. She always felt self conscious; despite her family’s impoverishment, they found money for her to have extensive breast implants and plastic surgery. Following this, she pursued a career as a glamour model, posing for publications such as ‘Drunk girls in an opticians’ and ‘Horny teens receiving parking tickets’. One day, she received, out of the blue, an offer from a panting university academic, none other than Terence Kealey, offering her ‘a position’. Pierre, eighteen years her senior, was a struggling Australian singer who had always dreamed of being famous. They met, coincidentally, on the set of popular television series “I’m a celebrity, watch me micturate”. Pierre was so enraptured with Marie’s charms that he decided to marry her, and the two were inseparable for many years; as part of another reality series they were filmed working together on properties of radioactivity, for

which they received the Nobel prize, and a BAFTA award for best light entertainment, in 1903. Regrettably, the success did not bring happiness; Marie and Pierre argued over the properties of the Noble Gases, and about whether or not Marie was cheating with Henri Becquerel; there was an acrimonious and very public breakup, and the two never spoke again. Pierre died in a road accident, and, while Marie received huge exposure to radiation over her lifetime, most of it was absorbed by her huge implants, and she lived a long and happy life.


Professor Science News DEAR PROFESSOR Science. How on earth does a fan with no blades work? - Dave Kennaway A motor in the base of the fan speeds air up and forces it through a hole spanning the circumference of the fan; this hole’s quite thin, and, according to the ‘Venturi effect’, when air is forced through a small area it starts moving faster and thus the pressure falls (this is Bernoulli’s principle). In this case, nearby air will rush towards the source to even out the pressure differential. The hole ejecting air is angled so as to force the air over the inside surface of the fan, which is in the shape of an aerofoil; a convex surface. When air passes over a convex surface, it speeds up; again lowering the pressure, causing more air to rush in to restore equilibrium. So, by moving a small amount of air, the fan co-opts surrounding air molecules into helping move a large amount of air right into your expectant, gurning face. If this all sounds like a bit too

much of an advert, I should probably balance it out by adding that there are a few reasons not to be overwhelmed with joy; 1) the bladeless fan was invented and patented by Tokyo Shibaura in 1981, 2) it’s likely to cost about $300, 3) it never gets that hot in Britain anyway, 4) Dyson works for the Conservative Party. Professor: it has long been legend that Smurfs live in toadstools. This I believe to be false, but does anything live in them? Yours, Smurfette. Once I bit into a toadstool and found a signed copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I hope that answers your question.

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE: A fictional transvestite and John Travolta

Professor: what happens when you don’t know the answer? I always know the answer. I am the Professor. However, if it did happen, after a brief killing spree in which I devoured human flesh like a greasy bucket of chicken wings, I’d just make up some bullshit and hope no-one noticed.

Perv of the week: Marlon King, who punched a woman he had sexually assaulted, asking “don’t you know who I am? I’m a millionaire.”

Notes from the real world

Deltoid Arpeggio

WE’RE GETTING audited. External auditors. And not even the relatively benign financial kind that can be found in glass offices trying to mate their Blackberries with their BMWs in case it makes a social life. The kind of audit we’re getting is a housework audit. Professional ladies and gentlemen are descending upon our lab with their years of study and experience for the sole purpose of checking that our desks are tidy. How I wish this was exaggeration; an email just popped up marked “URGENT!” in a shade of red most serious. Since there are ninety nine urgent problems in our lab, mainly things I shouldn’t be doing anyway, I was worried. I started to put the Bonobos back in their cage. After coaxing the last one down from the pylon, I read the message. In it were nasty threats and ten new commandments to replace the less cool historic attempt. Here’s the first: “The only papers that should be on your desk are those being worked on currently.” (Ah, the elementary mistake of thinking I am ever working.) I wish I could recite the rest of this scintillating list for you, but sadly I slipped into a boredominduced coma and could only be revived by a rousing game of snakes and ladders.

Cleaning this lab - or indeed, most labs - is a simply Herculean task. We have equipment that won’t fit in drawers or cupboards, and barely sits on the desk. Elsewhere, it has been honestly necessary to build a small castle of lead bricks to stop radiation from one of the many experiments on the go. This tidiness obsession is an intrusion too far. Why disturb the safe and efficient running of a lab to enforce rules which nobody voted for? The scientists know where everything is and get more done by not having to worry about it. This is different from single guys defending the bad state of their bedroom: these scientists are thinking great and creative thoughts which may turn into fine inventions. (I refer of course only to the scientists who do not spend their time making Bonobos climb pylons.) Interrupting them would be a mistake. Not least because I fear it might cause them to hang indefinitely, like an old computer stuck in a loop. Unfortunately this madness goes right to the top (or bottom, as I’ve come to think of it). ISO4001, the offending regulation, is one we have to meet to stay in business. There is no reasoning, no avoiding it. So if anyone has a way to hide ninety nine rebellious apes in a smallish lab I’d love to hear from you.

WESTBORO BAPTIST Church empathy award: Jan Moir, for claiming that Stephen Gately’s death from a heart condition “strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships.”

Expert of the week: describing a man who strangled his dog to death, Police Sgt Allan Hands said “He is clearly not a responsible pet owner in any regard”

Good idea award: Dr Chris Idzikowski, for his suggestion that children need lessons in the importance of sleeping. Maybe they could schedule them before school, so kids have to wake up extra-early.

Jim Davidson Piece of Shit award: Rush Limbaugh, who asked the NY Times’ environmental correspondent “Why don’t you just go kill yourself and help the planet by dying?” He then compared environmentalists to suicide bombers strapping explosives to their children.

RUSSELL AND POPPER: Two of Professor Science’s heroes, whose views on Silvio Berlusconi we will sadly never be able to hear, though we can assume they might have used the word ‘egomaniac’

Puzzle Corner This week Cathryn Mitchell, from the Department of Electronic and Electrical Engineering “The study of amplitude scintillation on GPS radio links is usually done after detrending the time series of the transmitted power so to define scintillations as the chaotic fluctuation around a unitary value. In a sense, the choice of how to detrend the time series is part of the definition of scintillation... In this paper the time behaviour of the power of the signal as depending on the time scale itself is studied in connection with the detrending technique adopted. In particular, assuming that the scalogram of the detrended signal completely characterizes its non-stationary scale dependent evolution with time, this paper aims to checking which part of the scalograms obtained via different detrending techniques

are the same after all the choices of detrending.” This is just the abstract, which, in fact, is a fairly accurate way to describe it: you can see the full paper on ELIN. It’s enticingly called “Detrend effect on the scalograms of GPS power scintillation”.

Last Week’s solution The winner this week is Doku Amoebin, who sucessfully interpreted Prof. Rayner’s quote as meaning that “when our complex selves meet our simple selves, there’s often a fight over the last egg-roll. This doesn’t always end well, especially when the egg-roll is ‘intractable to rationalist logic’, i.e. it contains fish.”

Fritzl persistence award: After twenty years of research, scientists finally bred a blue rose. Unsurprisingly, the discovery did not incite a massive spontaneous celebration in every major city of the world.

Good use of research funds of the week: researchers paid a clown to unicycle down the street, and asked people whether they saw anything; only twenty five percent of people on mobile phones spotted the clown.

Vague claim of the week: “One in three children are stressed out.” Thanks, Daily Mirror Bad week for: Maryland’s sex offenders, who have been asked on Halloween “to turn off their lights and put a ‘No candy’ sign in the window to prevent unsuspecting youngsters from knocking on the door.”

Hero of the week: Damien Ankrah, a drug dealer who, when imprisoned, refused to take a dump for sixteen days, as he had five condoms of heroin in there, wasting an ‘inordinate’ amount of police time.

What causes cancer this week: surviving the Holocaust. As if those guys hadn’t been through enough, they are now at a higher risk of all cancers.




Can science explain art? Macademia Goebbels AS I sit at my desk writing, I am overlooked by a Jackson Pollock painting which is essentially just a load of blobs and squiggles. While I am aware of this, still I find something oddly beautiful about it. I’m not alone in enjoying art; music, literature, and visual art are adored worldwide, and when the three are combined, in films and TV shows, they can lead to a dangerous level of obsession, which reaches its zenith in ‘Trekkies’, some of the more desperate of which have learned to speak ‘Klingon’. Why does art have such a hold on us?

A common explanation is that both the creation and purchase of art indicate intelligence and wealth, respectively, and thus art is simply, like the peacock’s tail, a means of sexual display. While it is fun to link everything in science to sex (and it makes researching articles more gratifying), I believe there’s a better explanation; that art hijacks brain circuits built for other purposes. The brain is always seeking things like food, mating opportunities, and danger (though sometimes it ignores the third in the face of the second); however, instead of looking for them directly, it tries to save time by isolating a particular feature and looking for that. Turkeys hate polecats and usually attack them, living or dead; however, a scientist managed to trick a turkey into mothering a stuffed polecat by

FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE: “Without music, life would be a mistake”

fitting it with a tape player which gave off a ‘cheep-cheep’ noise. This worked because usually only turkey babies make the noise, and the mothers’ brains are built with a shortcut which tells them to mother things which go ‘cheep’, and doing so sets off its reward system. What art is, according to recent theories, is something which exploits our neural shortcuts, the colours, shapes or noises which our brain’s reward system is particularly sensitive to, as they would usually represent something requiring a response. One thing the brain seeks strongly is patterns. “Vision evolved mainly to defeat camouflage and to detect objects in cluttered scenes... [it] is mainly about detecting objects so that you can avoid them, dodge them, chase them, eat them, or mate with them.” Thus we are set up with a reward system which encourages us to look for patterns, for example, a yellow blob on green savannah is likely to be a lion, and so the brain will get a kick out of recognising it, as it will when it spots an orange blob up a tree, which is likely to

be an orange. The brain enjoys spotting groups of colours, lines, etc, as that skill helped ancient man survive. If the pattern is hard to spot, the brain gets an even bigger kick from finding it; this may help explain the allure of Picasso’s wonderful paintings, in which it’s often very difficult to figure out what’s going on. Contrast is another thing which gets the brain worked up; we are evolved to notice change more than consistency, for good reason; we don’t need to pay attention to things which stay the same, but when things change, we need to respond; change can mean danger or opportunity, both of which our

ancestors needed to be sensitive to. Thus we are highly responsive to contrast; a weakness well exploited by Schindler’s List; everybody remembers the girl in the red dress as the only piece of colour in the whole film, it really grabs the attention. Music and literature also employ contrast and patterns (‘riffs’ in music, ‘themes’ in novels), but also have plenty of other ways to give the brain a jolt of pleasure. It was recently discovered that cats have learned to purr with a similar frequency to that of a baby crying, as this is one that mothers find particularly distressing. This is

an important evolutionary adaption, as the mother’s distress forces them to respond to their baby’s cries, even if they would rather be watching Hollyoaks. Being a social species, it is important for us to be able to pick up on others’ emotions, to allow us to respond appropriately (i.e. not dancing the can-can at somebody’s funeral); thus we have evolved ‘mirror neurons’, circuits which make us feel an emotion when we see or hear somebody else experiencing it; in short, they allow us to empathise. Our mirror neurons, though, are not equipped with a reality sensor; thus the brain can be tricked into empathising with people who don’t really exist. Novels exploit this by providing not only emotive situations, but great detail, to allow us to vividly imagine we are there; which, if done well, has a powerful effect. Music has a similar emotive function, and this is well known,

often people listen to music to put them in a particular mood, or to enhance a mood they are already in. Crucially, though, music is not just emotive, but uniformly so; it has a similar effect on all listeners. By putting everyone on the same wavelength, it can have an important function in social bonding. Music is, if you like, the language of emotion; interestingly, like other languages, it has a grammar; “music has been found to excite brain regions involved in understanding and producing language”, particularly Broca’s and Wernike’s areas. Learning grammar excites the brain (honestly) and so the grammar of music may excite the brain’s reward system for this reason also.

Similarly, stories exercise our abilities to plan ahead; by having us imagine we are in a certain situation, to which we inevitably picture in our heads how we would respond. Who hasn’t screamed at a TV set; “no, don’t do that”? Stories often also reward our intuitive sense of justice by resolving themselves in triumph of good over evil. Steven Pinker uses cheesecake as a metaphor for art; “We enjoy strawberry cheesecake, but not because we evolved a taste for it. We evolved circuits that gave us trickles of enjoyment from the sweet taste of ripe fruit, the creamy mouth feel of fats and oils from nuts and meat, and the coolness of fresh water. Cheesecake packs a sensual wallop unlike anything in the natural world

Of course, novels also excite these areas, but they also are stimulating to brain regions associated with social learning. They allow us to learn lessons without running the risk involved with doing something; we find out about the sort of things people do, and what consequences they have, without having to experience them directly; we can discover the horrors of war, or the dangers of being a gangster, from our armchair. We learn how to behave from these experiences, and hopefully do not make the same mistakes as characters - this perhaps explains why so many novels involve protagonists who bring about their own downfall by their own errors or character flaws.

because it is a brew of megadoses of agreeable stimuli which we concocted for the express purpose of pressing our pleasure buttons”. In the same way, he argues, we are evolved to be sensitive to emotions, bonding, grammar, patterns, and contrast. Thus art is a kind of ‘superstimulus’, designed to push all of the ‘pleasure buttons’ relating to those areas.




Rocking Kraut I WANT to move to Germany. The trains run on time, the streets are clean, the beer is excellent, the sausages wonderful, the climate temperate and their rich people demand higher taxes to improve the state of the nation. What a country. But as those of you who watched BBC4 this week will know, it wasn’t always that way. Germany has a darker side: a hangover from World War II which forced young Germans even in the West to look for something uniquely German but completely untainted by nationalistic histories to inspire them in their artistic endeavours. And boy, did they manage it. Krautrock: The Rebirth of Germany was a tacit reminder that the BBC still have it in them to produce a thought provoking, entertaining and deeply

enjoyable documentary from time to time. For the uninitiated, Krautrock is one of the most overlooked and brilliant phenomenons in 20th Century music. The effects of acts like Can, Harmonia, Faust and especially Kraftwerk sent ripples across creative waters which are still being felt today. Electronic music, modern pyschedelia and even experimental noise all owe their lineages to Krautrock in its varying forms. If you listen to my section just once this week, then listen to this: go onto BBC iPlayer and watch the documentary from start to finish. If you’re not impressed, you can claim your money back (we’re a free newspaper, if you hadn’t realised). Although shorter than last issue, we’re still jam-packed with content which brims with excitement, adjectives and dubious metaphors. Have you started planning your holiday yet?

If it’s BUST, it needs fixing

COMEDY, ASIDE from being funny, has an ability to critique society in a base way unreachable by any other form of communication. Examine any of your favourite comedy moments and you’ll see that as well as being hilarious they make a statement... you laugh and at the same time say “that is so true”. Sadly David Ives was apparently unaware of this when writing his supposedly amusing series of five

one act scenes entitled All In The Timing. For the most part the play is more confusion than comedy, and at no stage does it say anything of the slightest bit of substance. I do not care whether that substance is Monty Python mocking the proud poor Yorkshireman or Mark Thomas creating humour out of the shocking state of the international arms trade, but to spend an evening watching a play which has neither humour


Entertainments The Good...

If not, why not? Never fear: Rose Stokes gives us the lowdown on An Alternative Ibiza. Check out our Do Stay In guide for for what (not) to watch on TV, or direct your eyes towards Josie Cox’s masterful review of The Flaming Lips’ latest cosmic creation. And bookworms in need of some new material needn’t fear, for we’ve handily summarised a few personal favourites for you… Philip Bloomfield Waste of Space

B-BOYS, B-GIRLS: prepare to get very excited. Jazz influenced producer Madlib is to team up once again with mongrel MC MF Doom and release another Madvillain album. As the duo’s previous LP together, Madvillainy, is one of the finest, dopest slabs of hip-hop released in the last decade, impact is literally quivering with excitement about this one. Especially as returning hero Mos Def is set to feature on the album. Can I get a hell yeah?

CAN’S DAMO SUZUKI: Definitely too stoned to ride a motorbike safely

Ents Contributor Laurence Whitaker discovers that good comedy needs more than just timing... nor substance is frankly depressing. It must have been close to suicide inducing for the poor cast who had to make something out of this miserly play and yet they managed admirably. Playing to a disappointingly small audience of perhaps forty students the BUST cast put on a dedicated performance. Many hours had been put in, especially for one sketch spoken

entirely in a made up language learning the lines must have been hellish - and yet there wasn’t a single visible slip-up throughout the entire evening. In the future BUST need to choose more engaging scripts but more importantly students need to get behind them and go along to performances. Three pounds for an evening’s entertainment, why isn’t the auditorium full every night?

Do Stay In: impact gets box clever

Your bank balance is lower than the amount of work you’ve done this year and your rent is higher than your overdraft. What’s there to do but curl up on the sofa and resort to the idiot box for entertainment? Words by Jen Wallace, Alex Drake, Sean Lightbown, Luke Walsh and Philip Bloomfield.

“I’M AIMING for it to be one of the nicest meals of your life”, modest Marianne told a room of Michelinstarred chefs, without a hint of irony. We’re guessing that burning the starter and plating up late wasn’t in her plan. Yes, Masterchef: The Professionals has come to an unctuous drum and bass fuelled finale which saw our contestants snap, crack and pop in the kitchen. Thankfully, Michel Roux Jr was on hand to offer some helpful advice to the fried chefs, such as “I can see you’ve never made brioche before”, and “You’re going down like a ton of bricks.” Unctuous. My Name Is Earl lookalike Daniel, who fell to burnt pieces in the first challenge, improved in the second round. “You’ve definitely done that turbot justice”, exclaimed Michel after tasting his fish main course. Presumably this justice-by-frying was after it had been stabbed in the cheek, suffocated on land and then cut up by a fishmonger. Despite the fishy fairness, it was deadpan Steve who romped to a deserved victory. He rang his mum to tell her the good news, but surprisingly she sounded rather underwhelmed. Presumably, she was wondering when he would be home to cook tea. Out of the fat and into the frying pan: The visual equivalent of crystal meth, The X Factor, is of course the talk of the town once more. The only contestants of interest are the spawn of

MASTERCHEF: Winners of the 2009 Will Self Award for most uses of the word ‘unctuous’ Satan (as we have been led to believe by the press) John and Edward, who appear to have adopted a perversely incestuous (but admittedly original) approach since their bizarre Britney “performance”, and Stacey Solomon (from Dagenham, in case you didn’t catch that the first thirty times), with her endearing quirkiness and - dare I say - authenticity. Much of the attention on the show so far has been on the comebacks of troubled stars, with a wide-eyed Robbie Williams and a distant, and frankly odd, Whitney Houston, neither of whom did a good job of showing the contestants “how it’s done”. David Attenborough’s Life could well be his most visually stunning documentary to date, although the title covers a pretty wide scale of things that could be filmed, and so the programme is essentially about things that ‘live’. More apt perhaps could be the titles ‘Avoiding Being Eaten by

TRUE BLOOD: Fang you for watching Other Things’ or ‘Bloody Carcasses of Dead Things’ which keep popping up in every episode. On to unmissable American drama, Flash Forward features some incredibly dodgy acting and a dubious American accent from Joseph Fiennes and yet I’m still tuning in each week to find out why everyone just dropped to the ground simultaneously. Although the 137 second mystery is hardly a mystery, don’t go to Germany to question an ex-Nazi, just ask a first year physicist. So far so good… but where’s the kind of sex and violence that would have Mary Whitehouse sobbing into her pillow? On Channel 4, of course! True Blood has been making waves thanks to its saucy sex scenes and bloody script. It may tackle the ever-popular vampires topic but it’s far removed from the emotional teen favorite Twilight. If anything, True Blood is Twilight’s X-rated older cousin, the brooding sort with a mean dark streak. Although it’s had a slow start the show is a great

combination of spooky, sexy and surprising plot twists. Plus Janice from Mean Girls gets naked at some point. Next time your friends ask you if you’re going to Score on a Wednesday tell them you’re “feeling ill” and get your teeth stuck into True Blood in all its blood-sucking glory! Following True Blood is our Ents Editor’s favourite piece of television of the year thus far. The creators of The Wire have gone all topical on us, and have written a new drama about Marines in Iraq. Eschewing the blood and guts and melancholy of Band of Brothers, Generation Kill is about the frustration and boredom that comes with a war in which everyone is trying to “get some” and calling each other “brah”. Lightning fast wit, jittery marines with big guns, bigger egos and a whole slew of hilariously creative effing and blinding might not a great drama make, but the heavy dose of pathos and cynicism do. Get some, brah.

GENERATION KILL: Brahs in arms

RIDICULOUS CAST line-up of the week. New action romp The Expendables is set to feature (inhale deeply): Sylvester Stallone (who also directs the film), Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin and Mickey Rourke. It looks ridiculously stupid and overblown. Which means we’ll love it. Trailer here: http://tinyurl. com/impactexp

MADVILLAIN: Metalface; rapmusic

The Bad... BARBARA WINDSOR is to leave Eastenders after fifteen years. If we watched it, I’m pretty sure we’d lament this. WHOOPS OF the week. South African actress and wannabe do-gooder Charlize Theron auctioned off a meeting with Nelson Mandela without first getting his consent. Remember kids: always ask elderly statesmen before putting their bodies up for sale, even if it is for a charitable cause.

& The Ugly...

CHANNEL 4 has reportedly commissioned a fictional account of Gary Glitter’s life, which will end with him being hung for his crimes. You can only push an envelope so far, really...

SMASHING PUMPKIN Billy Corgan has refused to take an H1N1 vaccine. Apparently, “If the virus comes to take me Home, that is between me and the Lord. “ Well, so be it. If it’ll stop you soiling your legacy by releasing shite albums and generally making yourself look like a titanic tit, then we won’t care. Bitter, us? Never. Have we missed something? e-mail with all your goods, bads and uglies.




Ann’s column OK! SO at the time of going to print all of the Arts Societies are in the midst of the chaos and craazyness that is ‘Show in a Week 2009!’. WHOOOP! A great big thank you, in advance, to all that came along to enjoy all the talent we have in the arts at Bath. Also a HUGE well done to everyone involved in the show, whether they produced the music, made the tea, danced, directed, acted and amused! I hope everyone is recovering nicely, not too sleep deprived and once again attending lectures. Released at the first ever Show in a Week Launch Party in Elements last Friday, the theme this year was I HEART 90s! Thus, taking us all on a trip down memory lane to the Spice Girls, Michael Jackson, Grange Hill, Friends, Take That, Mario, Titanic and many more! Do you all remember the skirt trousers, Adidas poppers and dungarees? The theme was released on an awesome video created by Cedric Sureshkumar on behalf of CTV that must be checked out at Thanks Cedric for making the launch party so incredible! For those that don’t know, ‘Show in a Week’ was originally a small training week run for the dudes at backstage to train up their freshers! It is what it says on the tin really, now an annual sell out show put together in a week, featuring most of the campus arts societies! Let’s just take a minute to think about and appreciate how incredibly dedicated

and awesome Backstage are! They design and build all of the sets, create fabulous lighting designs and then spend many hours in the Arts Lecture Theatre putting them up. They run the technical rehearsals, dress rehearsals, they are in charge of all the amazing pyrotechnics! They also sort out all of the sound, microphones, speakers and all that jazz! Ain’t they just amazing, so next time you do a production just remember they all have their degree to do too! If you came to see the show and want to get involved just join up on to the relevant society and get practicing for their next outing! More action from the 90s in the next issue and keep a look out for “The Making of Show in a Week” the movie! Happy performing! Ann x

ICIA Arts and Media Development Fund training workshop HAVE YOU got grand plans for an activity or event for your society, media group or a bunch of coursemates? Are you struggling to find the cash to fund it? Perhaps the ICIA can help... The ICIA Arts & Media Development Fund is a limited sum of money available to any student society, group, or individual that wishes to arrange an artistic or creative project, workshop or event. The deadline for the latest round of applications is Friday 20 November, and to give you some inspiration, ICIA staff will be running a workshop this Friday (6 November). This will give interested parties an idea of the kind of project that is possible, and the chance to talk through ideas with the people that decide where and how the money is distributed. The workshop will run twice - once from 11.30am-12.30pm in 1W 3.15 and again from 3-4pm in 1WN 3.11. It’s recommended that at least two people from each group attend, to allow for discussion and development of ideas. So, come along, hear about the

almost limitless possibilities, find out about the kind of projects that have previously been given money from the Fund, then go away to complete your barnstorming application! For further information about the Fund or the workshops, contact Nathan Webb in ICIA at

DIABLO MAN: Does this picture have anything whatsoever to do with the article?

CHAOS Remembrance Day concert ON SUNDAY 8th November at 7.30pm, the Choral and Orchestral Society (ChaOS) will be holding their annual Remembrance Day Concert at St. Michael’s Church, Broad Street. The concert will feature the Choir, Orchestra, Concert Band, GASP (Gospel Acapella Soul and Pop Choir) and the Alley Barbers, and will include a range of music by Elgar, Tchaikovsky and Borodin, amongst

others. Tickets are only £3 in advance (available from the ICIA Box Office in 1E 2.1) or £4 on the door, and all of the proceeds will go to the Royal British Legion; so you can enjoy an evening of music and feel good about helping out a very worthwhile charity. Please come and support your friends and fellow students, help us to raise money for this worthy cause and hopefully enjoy a relaxing Sunday evening.



Student Media

Zap Featured Show Don’t Stop Believin’ - The Chris and Dom Show

Every Thursday from two to four in the afternoon, tune your radio (or computer) to 1449AM URB for some swashbuckling 80s cheese, modern day classics and mindbogglingly good features, including one fans of the BBC show Shooting Stars will recognise... club singing! All requests, messages and insults (about Chris) are welcomed and they also invite you to check them out on the webcam - ‘pretty sexy right?!’

Single of The Fortnight:

like a contradiction in terms but it’s definately left me in anticipation for what they have to offer next!

Your Station, Your Soundtrack, So Get Involved! Do you love the sound of your own voice and want everyone else to realise how fantastic it is too? Email urb-training and join our fantastic team of presenters who equally love their voices. Do you love music? Do you enjoy talking about it, writing about it, meeting and watching the bands who

perform it? Then it sounds like the Music Team is for you! Email for more info on how to get involved and how to get your hands on some treasured gig tickets for your favourite bands. Do you fancy yourself as a red-hot DJ and want to play in front of actual people and not just in your bedroom? Then email urb-roadshow for the chance to do this! These are just a handful of ways that you can get involved in radio at the University of Bath. To find out about the many other things we do, in particular behind the scenes, visit

Plan B - End Credits Released 1st November This fine example of a drum ‘n’ bass anthem has dominated the URB airwaves for weeks, in particular during Freshers’ week, when this dance inducing tune went down a treat. The gentle acoustic intro is in complete contrast to the pulsing chorus but Chase and Status bring the track full circle and end delicately with soft vocals over the same acoustic guitar. This chilledout drum ‘n’ bass track almost seems

How To Listen:

Tune your radio to 1449AM or listen online at

HELLO, SUDOKU lovers. This week I have another sudoku for you. I also have a revelation: last year I met Stephen Fry. If you doubt the authenticity of thic claim, look at the picture below. Instead of the ‘wisdom’ from Asher ‘Socrates’ Roth (as our Science Editor suggested we fill this space with),

AS WE do every year, your lovely CTV team is going to bring you a ‘making of’ video for the blood sweating organisation that is the Show in a Week. We will be around filming everything that is being prepared as much as we can, including the final performance, as well as every rehearsal that is happening on and off campus. Check out our website to see the final results.

CTV and URB unsigned

AS MENTIONED in the last issue, two of our media groups are working together with BUMPS to bring you the best of the new and unsigned music that is out there. This week we will be graced with the presence of the Good Shoes. Set up will begin at 1 o’clock in our studio in 3 East. If any of you are interested, just come along and watch our cheerful crew in action.

Healthy living campaign

Chase and Status Feat.

Student Sudoku created by Katie Rocker

Show in a week

I instead send this message to all you intrepid intergalactic travellers, using this sudoku as between-galaxy entertainment: stay away from the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, because although it may seem like a

good idea, the hangover really isn’t worth the mauling from the Algolian Suntiger. Though, it does seem to start Media socials off with one hell of a bang. Always know where your towel is.

If you have already seen our weekly dose of CTV student news, then you will be aware of this campaign held on campus by the BBC. It consists of designing (or wearing) a fruit or vegetable themed costume. Our part will be to get the whole thing on camera, and of course you can be a part of it. For more information on any of these projects as well as getting involved, then e-mail: or check out our website on And feel free to join for the small fee of £4 under the media page of www. or the all the media societies for the low price of £9.

A WIRELESS: this is what they used to listen to before John Logie Baird founded CTV in 1925. “This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move”, as some guy once said when talking about something non-related.

Our editorial team is waiting eagerly to meet you

Every Tuesday in the Playboy Mansion (Plug) at 6.15 - don’t disappoint us...



Entertainments The Bath Film Festival 12th –21st November Various Venues

The Bath Film Festival is back in town for it’s 2009 season. A wonderful celebration of all that’s celluloid and cerebral, from across the globe. There really is too much to list here, as this is a festival which caters to all tastes and price brackets (tickets range from £3-£8 depending on venue and showing, but most offer the all important student discount), but impact’s picks at first glance would be: music documentary Soul Power, haunting immgrant’s tale Sin Nombre and Jim Jarmusch’s new ‘shaggy dog story’ The Limits of Control. And that’s without mentioning brand spanking new reels from Steven Soderbergh and Sofia Coppola, lining up alongside skater history The Lords of Dogtown and Turn It Loose, a look at international b-boy culture. And of course there’s a host of brilliant looking international and British films vying for your attention. Go to and book now to avoid disappointment. We’re going to be very poor come the 21st…. Antipop Consortium The Croft, Bristol Saturday 7th November Hip hop don’t get much more forward thinking than APC’s 2009 LP Flourescent Black. A mash up of broken glass beats, straight up boombap and industrial digital tweaks overlaid with lyrics about Russian oligarchs and black consciousness, the collectives tag team live performance is tried, tested and extremely effective. You won’t see a better hip hop act all year. The Kroon Kat Lounge and Motorcity Komedia 13th and 7th November, respectively Getting a little tired of the Bath nightlife? Maybe you should expand your horizons beyond cheap doubles spiked with energy drinks and head beyond Second Bridge and Po Na Na? Komedia has handily put on two exciting looking nights. The Kroon Kat Lounge promises big band hits, burlesque dancers, flappers and a dose of 1920s sleazy elegance. Motorcity, however, might offer the right grooves to get you dancing without being under the influence: the name of the game is soul, motown, rock n roll and a dash of disco. Smooth.

Want your Society Event previewed or reviewed? Holler to the Ents Team:

Embryonic The Flaming Lips Warner Out Now

Straight No Chaser Mr Hudson G.O.O.D. Music Out Now

PERHAPS TITLED a little tamer than previous works, like Psychiatric Explorations of the Fetus with Needles and Yeah, I Know It’s a Drag... But Wastin’ Pigs Is Still Radical, The Flaming Lips have all but strayed away from their trademark psychedelic tunes on their new album, Embryonic. Spacey synths, echoey beats and jittery string sections are all staple ingredients in The Lips’ new bag of goodies, which will definitely not disappoint fans of the Oklahoma-based fathers of neo-psychedelia. Kicking off with ‘Convinced of the Hex’, the Lips set a precedent for the rest of the album early on. The song which opens with a confused sequence of beeps and fuzzes, reveals itself to be contemplation on life, love and things that probably only vocalist Wayne Coyne can actually put his finger on. A highlight of the Grammy-awardwinning band’s twelfth album is undoubtedly ‘Powerless’, a song which is driven by a pungent bass line, a strong yet not overbearing rhythm and haunting vocals. In addition it features one of the longest solo guitar sections in any of their songs yet. Coyne told a journalist that it has “lyrics and mood of waiting in the dark, scared of what you might find.” Throughout the whole album

ONE OF the many brilliant things about music is its astonishing unpredictability. Mr. Hudson has come a long way since 2007 when, with his library, he released A Tale of Two Cities. The record got rave reviews amongst the critical indie crowd but whether he longed to be a superstar or remain a hapless romantic writing ballads in run-down London cafes was unclear until a certain Kanye West appeared and made that decision for him, signing the Birmingham-born songwriter to his G. O. O. D. Music label. Whilst his debut album was an excellent patchwork of quirky songs with an array of influences, the followup, Straight No Chaser, is certainly a bigger, louder and overall more commercial record. This isn’t a criticism as it has allowed Mr. Hudson to attain mass appeal (‘Supernova ‘climbed up to 2 in the UK charts) and showcase his talent for crafting unbelievably emotive songs. This is certainly a more cohesive record and it is the honest songwriting that differentiates it from the mass of electro-tinged pop on the market. There are flaws to the 13-track listen as Kanye West’s influence as executive producer is too strong at times and the auto-tuned vocals aren’t always necessary, as proved on the disposable title track. That said, there are very few

WAYNE COYNE: Ego Tripping

A tamer title doesn’t mean that The ‘Lips’ latest bag of pyschedelic goodies is even close to disappointing... it is hard to ignore the parallels, both lyrically and sonically, between Embryonic and Pink Floyd’s legendary masterpiece The Dark Side of the Moon. It therefore comes as no surprise that the planned follow-up to Embryonic will be a complete remake of the 1973released classic. Undoubtedly they have a heavy task ahead, but the Lips – who were the curators of the 2009 US All Tomorrow’s Parties festival at Kutshers New York – have proved once again that their made of good stuff. Let’s keep our eyes peeled and ears open in expectation of what’s next to come out of their box of surprises – a lot hopefully, after all, they may be the first band ever to release their first double-album after their first quadruple album. Josie Cox Features Editor

weak songs on the album, and it’s the more understated ones that demand attention. ‘Stiff Upper Lip’ is my favorite of the synth driven tunes whilst ‘Time’ is an achingly pretty serenade to melancholy. So Mr. Hudson has returned and even though he’s ditched his Library for superstar rappers, Straight No Chaser remains humble and bears all its cards on the table. It’s a fresh take on the cliché break-up record and oozes with personality and depth. Be sure to pick up a copy or else Kanye might flip his shit and direct a Taylor Swift-esque tirade in your direction! Alex Drake Ents Contributor

Straight No Chaser oozes personality and depth, despite the occasional overwrought production touches...

MR. HUDSON: Rejected for Reservoir Dogs because of outstanding book fines

Balearic Daze: An Alternative Ibiza What’s the difference between Funky House and Nu Balearic? Rose Stokes didn’t know either, but she went to the White Isle and found there was more than enough to cater for all tastes. I MUST admit that when during a conversation about holiday destinations my friend suggested going to Ibiza, my initial reaction was less than positive. I have always had a varied and colourful taste in music but the ‘dance’ genre has always been a bit of a grey area for me. Even after being educated about the genre by a friend of mine, it still would have been a stretch to have called myself a ‘fan’ of dance music or any of its subgenres. I, like most people, had assumed that ‘dance music’ was just anything with synthesised beats mixed by a DJ and was ignorant enough to not recognise the difference between the many subgenres. So finally, although I was very apprehensive about the prospect of spending a week in what is widely known as the dance music capital, we booked the holiday. After doing some research I soon discovered the Ibiza Rocks Hotel, a live music venue that played host to an impressive list of indie rock bands over the summer months which I hoped would provide some solace from the seemingly inescapable clubs, pubs and bars pumping out Balearic beats. Ibiza Rocks was even better than I had anticipated. Not only were the DJ and live bands amazing (The Big Pink

NOT JUST SEX ON THE BEATS: There’s more to the White Isle than might be apparent at first glance. and the Klaxons) the venue was incredible. The DJs then went on to play a set at the after party at Eden, a venue which houses a myriad of different events, from Twice as Nice to the famous Judgement Sundays with Judge Jules and Eddie Halliwell, there really is something there for everyone. We also went along to Space which was an amazing experience; the venue was so amazing that it completely compensated for the fact that the music wasn’t to my taste. It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with the island; the views, the sunsets and more importantly the vibe. I had predicted that I would hate the constant beats blasting out of every sound system on the island but I actually found

it strangely soothing. There is something very comforting about being on an island that doesn’t sleep. And the night life was even more surprising, there really is something to cater to every taste. I was surprised to discover an array of different and varied bars in the West End, including GroundZero, a Rock and Indie bar and That Bar, which mainly plays Funky House, there really is a great variety. Another favourite venue of mine was the famous Cafe Mambo. The food was fantastic and the music was perfectly suited to the setting. It was a completely atmospheric experience watching the sunset over the sea to chill out beats played by the resident DJs. After spending a week on the White Isle and experiencing dance

“I had predicted that I would hate the constant beats... but there is something very comforting about being on an island that doesn’t sleep”

music in its own context, I had a whole new respect for it. The island is so captivating and atmospheric that the experience is more than enough to compensate for the music (which by the end of the week had grown on me tenfold). There are so many misconceptions about Ibiza, but as the most sceptical critic I must, after spending a week there, (and with my tail firmly between my legs), admit that it really is an absolutely absorbing and enchanting place that can be enjoyed by absolutely anyone with an open mind.



Books in Brief: A Novel

Entertainments and Sport

There are a lot of books. Thankfully, here at impact we sort through the pulp and find the juicy bookworms. Words by Laurence Whitaker, Philip Bloomfield and Georgina Cotton

WHILST THE likes of Katie Price publicise their novels (often not actually thought up or written by themselves), we have been looking at some of the books we feel capture a range of interests for you to amuse yourselves with. They have also actually been written by us... Notes on Directing by Frank Hausser HERE IS a set of one hundred and thirty tips originating from twelve pages of notes that legendary director Hausser wrote during his career. The book simply sets out bits of advice with short illustrations of each. But before all you non-actors stop reading, this advice can be relevant to any form of human interaction - even to life in general. The beauty of this book is its direct simplicity; the tips are set together in a way that can be dipped in and out of at any time. Relevant to actors and students alike this witty gem makes a worthy member of any bookshelf!

2666 by Roberto Bolaño WHAT DO a forgotten German novelist, a mentally unstable professor of Philosophy, a radical black journalist, a spate of killings in a Mexican border town and some deeply

insular European academics have in common? That’s the question which 2666 poses. Given that the author’s (ignored) dying wish was for the book to be serialised, it makes some sense that the book resembles the Bible rather than a novel. The philosophical theme running through the work mark it out as Bolaño’s masterpiece: his very own prophetic text. Bolaño is perhaps the heir apparent to Garcia-Marquez: he laces his storylines with the same absurdist surreality, and edges his moral judgements with the same philosophical sharpness. Savagely descriptive, cynical and humourous, 2666 is more than just value for money; it’s a fitting last testament to an author who will surely be remembered as one of the greatest produced by his country. Into Danger by Kate Adie WELL KNOWN and highly respected BBC reporter Kate Adie’s partautobiographical, part-journalistic creation investigates what it takes to choose a profession in which you risk your life every single day. At times reminiscing about her own experiences, often on the frontline in a sandy, hot climate, she obtains

the perfect balance between genuine intrigue and self-comparison with the daredevils she has selected to represent each chapter. Ranging from deep sea diver to prostitute to snakeman, there are some cringe-worthy and often quite graphic descriptions of accidents, incidents and life-changing events that liven up these peoples’ everyday being. So what is it that attracts people to these kinds of profession? Adrenaline, passion, and most of all money (well, that was the prostitute’s response).

ROBERTO BOLAÑO: We don’t encourage smoking, but he looks pretty fly for a dead author

The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus The Little Theatre, Bath Dir. Terry Gilliam Starring Heath Ledger, Jude Law, Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Tom Waits, Lily Cole Out Now

An indulgent screenplay which fails to equal the sum of its impressive parts. VISIONARY FILMMAKER Terry Gilliam’s latest picture has received significantly more publicity than any of his past projects, not due to an increased interest in the former ‘Python’, but as a result of the shocking death of its star, Heath Ledger, whose untimely passing occurred during the film’s production. With shooting delayed until a solution could be found for a missing protagonist, Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell were eventually cast as alternate versions of the character Tony, a move fortunately allowed for by the fantastical plot that sees a travelling circus and its small band of odd sorts (led by the titular magician, a practically decrepit Christopher Plummer) struggling in an intolerant modern world, when they are faced by a threat from the Devil and are joined by a mysterious man (Ledger) with no knowledge of who he is. Known for his distinctive style, Gilliam excels in terms of production values with extravagant, otherworldly

sets and general visual quirkiness. This, however, is not nearly enough to distract from a disjointed, meandering narrative; the convoluted story bears no real clarity to a confused audience, and much of the time it feels like a sprawling collection of deliberately wacky scenarios, as opposed to a fully thought out film with any considerable integrity. Sadly, the indulgent screenplay does not play to Ledger’s strengths, whose comedic efforts (not to mention a shoddy London accent) fall below par to the kind of work that we have come to expect from him since Brokeback Mountain and The Dark Knight. While it is admirable that Depp, Law and Farrell signed on so late into production, all three simply ‘phone in their performances and offer little of the talent or charisma that their names promise; and model Lily Cole should clearly stick to her studies at Cambridge instead of continuing her attempts to forge a credible acting career (it’s not going to happen). Somehow the overall product here is not the sum of its parts, and does not even come close; the assembled talent (both in the cast and crew) largely disappoints, most significantly for Ledger. Truthfully, his shining turn last year as the Joker was a far superior swansong, and will hopefully be remembered as such. Luke Walsh Ents Contributor

Killer Bees generate a Buzz Bike + Hill = Cake Showpiece event to kick off American Football team’s home campaign. Steve Leonard and Ben Wiltshire Bath Killer Bees WITH BONFIRE Night fast approaching, the University of Bath Killer Bees are looking to start the new season in the British Universities American Football League (BUAFL) with a bang. The Bees are looking to build on the success of last season’s trophy winning campaign and make a push towards the National Title. Having won the inaugural BUAFL Challenge Trophy at South Leeds Stadium against the Sheffield Hallam Warriors this past March, confidence is high with the squad having been significantly boosted by some true quality in the new intake of students. On the weekend that the NFL rolled into London for the 3rd International series game at Wembley, the Bees faced the University of Gloucestershire Gladiators in a pre-season scrimmage. This provided a valuable opportunity for rookies to get some on-field experience, with most players having only donned shoulder pads and helmet in the previous fourteen days. Bath certainly had the better of the day and the experienced coaching staff were able to learn a lot about the areas of focus that are needed to be made in the fortnight before the season commences The new BUAFL season starts with an away trip to local rivals

An innovative way to beat the bus to campus... Abi Greenaway Cycling Club

UNBEETABLE: Bath Killer Bees beat Bristol 40-0 at last year’s ‘The Sting’ event. University of Bristol Barracuda on 8th November , but it is the festivities here on campus on 15th November that should not be missed. Building on the success of last years season ending event ‘The Sting’, the American Football club are set to hold another showpiece event to kick off their home ties in upcoming season when they face the team Solent Redhawks on the St John’s pitches. ‘The Buzz’ is scheduled to follow a similar format to last season’s event, meaning not only will spectators be treated to a high octane game of football with no entry fee, they will also have access to a refreshments tent offering hot and cold food and drinks, live commentary via a pitch side PA system along with scoreboard, a lucrative raffle with some top drawer

prizes, a free programme offering insights into the game as well as a half time display by the University of Bath Jets Cheerleading squad. The Solent Redhawks are a new team this season, but are an offshoot of the perennial powerhouse Combined Universities of Southampton Stags. The rumours are that the new Redhawk team have had the better of the split and so the game should be an early indicator of the potential of this seasons Bees squad. For your chance to be part of this special occasion, follow the crowds to the St John’s pitches (next to the main drive into campus) for the 1pm kick off. For more information about ‘The Buzz’ and the Bees in general including playing and non-playing possibilities, visit

SUNDAY MORNING 10am, most would be in bed, but many were on the start line of Bath uni cycling club’s hill climb time trial. The hill? Bathwick. The aim? Race the stopwatch to the top. From lycra-clad shavedlegged road riders, to downhillers on mountain bikes, to freshers on any old bikes, students turned up in force to prove that there is a better way to get to campus in the mornings. Five minutes to go and those in it to win were off on their warm-up regimes, others, like me, were mentally visualizing the chocolate cake promised to all that made it to the top. I’d heard that at serious hill climb events there is often a lot of vomiting. I certainly didn’t want that happening. My plan was to pace myself to avoid going off too fast at the start and having jelly legs by the time I got to Tescos. A few pedals strokes out the saddle to get going, then the secret was to sit down in the saddle and keep the legs turning in a good rhythm the whole

CAKE AND ALCOHOL: Inspirational.

way up. As my breathing started to get heavier and I started to feel the burn in my muscles, I felt the temptation to slack off. Luckily, that was when I saw everyone waiting for me in the distance on the corner cheering me on, and I managed to find the energy for a quick smile at the camera and a final sprint out of the saddle to the finish line. Back up to campus outside Parade, and the chocolate cake didn’t disappoint. This was followed by an unconventional award ceremony with a make-shift podium, (one of the picnic benches.) Lambrini went to the winner, Morten Sandvik, with an impressive time of four minutes and fifty one seconds. This would easily beat the bus on a Monday morning! Champagne was presented to the slowest rider, all in good spirits. Gingerbread boy and girl biscuits were awarded to ‘King’ (Morten) and ‘Queen’ of the climb, Fiona Blagg, who ride up to uni everyday. This event wasn’t all about being a highly-tuned elite athlete, it was about baking some cakes and having some fun. If you own any kind of bike and this sounds like something you want to get involved in, log on to www. for details of rides and up-and-coming trips. We have road, cross-country and downhill rides going out on Wednesday afternoons, meeting by the 25m pool at 1.45pm. You can also check out photos and videos of this event as well as many others.





Devastating Education lay down the gauntlet Sean Lightbown Sport Editor

BIG WINS for Education and Team Maths were the standout results in the opening matches of the IDFC.

Team Maths beat Electrical Engineering 7-0 in their opening game, while Education hammered Chemical Engineering 11-0. Current champions BUMS got off to a shaky start, after they narrowly lost 4-3 to an improving Physics side.

Newcomers Sports Science got their campaign up and running with a 3-2 win over Mechanical Engineering. In an unbelievably eventful first half, Mech. Eng caught Sports Science cold with two early goals. As the half wore

on, however, Sports Science started to gel and goals from Luke Lawrence, Johnathan Gleave and Mike O’Sullivan saw them take the half time lead, and eventually the points. Another tight game saw BEST and Management come away with a share of the spoils after a hard fought 1-1 draw. After Management went ahead, BEST equalised through James Auckland. BEST will be the happier of the two teams with that point, as ‘keeper Luke ParkerHodds made a string of great saves, culminating in an excellent penalty stop with minutes remaining. Elsewhere, Architecture & Civil Engineering overcame Biology with a solid, if unspectacular, 2-0 victory.

AERIAL BATTLE: Team Maths and Electrical Engineering players challenge for the ball, during Maths’ 7-0 win.

Surfers ride a wave of success

Trips organiser Dan Scotcher and Surf Club member Siân Lewis on how the Surf Club is doing and why it is one of the best clubs ever.

SAND SURF: Beginners at the club being taught on dry land before the dip.

Statto’s Trivia HELLO, INFERIOR beings. My name is Stanley Todt, or ‘Statto’ to my, er, friend. You may know me as the person who discovered Tó Madeira on Championship Manager, or the guy who almost nearly put a bet on Mon Mome to win the 2009 Grand National. My main passion, aside from apple crumble, is sporting trivia. Did you know that seventy two percent of Fernando Torres’ Premier League goals have come at Anfield? Sometimes I even delve outside the sporting sphere. For example; did you know that ‘eleven plus two’ and ‘twelve plus one’ are anagrams of each other? You didn’t know either of that, did you? Let’s be honest, if I stood for SABB, you would elect me on a blank manifesto if I kept feeding you these delicious nuggets of truth. Originally, I was asked by impact to impart my quite stunning knowledge of all things sport to the readers of this publication. “Now Stan”, I asked myself, “do you really need to lower yourself to this - relaying an array of statistical sporting knowledge to a bunch of good-for-nowt students? You once beat Gary Sprake at Subbuteo, for crying out loud.” After extended negotiations and several internal monologues later, I came up with a solution. I’ve decided to ask you a trivia questions every fortnight to see if you guys are up to it. Right, here’s your starter for ten; six English footballers have cost at least £7million in a single transfer and have not represented their country. Who are they? Send your answers to The winner will receive a mention in next issue’s trivia section. Sorry, can’t afford proper prizes.

BATH’S WAVE-JOCKEYS have been having a good time of it this semester. The surf club is open to all abilities and has had a massive intake of beginners this year, all desperate for a taste of the waves. Especially successful were the two beginner weekend trips to the Gower in Wales, with sixty and thirty people turning up to learn how to ride on each weekend. More experienced riders also had a fantastic time at the Nationals - the BUCS Surf Championships which ran from 15th-18th October and was a great trip that saw some of the best student surfers from across the UK converge on Newquay to cause watery havoc. There was plenty of opportunity to impress, as the surf got to 3-4 feet high on the final day. Bath University’s surfers really held their own, with Fabio Grido coming seventh overall in the men’s category, and Eva Perrett making it to the third round. For students desperate for a stint in warmer waters, the club is also organising a week-long

trip to Lanzarote from 30th Jan5th Feb, including lessons, social hilarity, and, of course, good surf. Perfect for forgetting about exams. According to the committee, the trip is guaranteed to be better than ever before. For those of you who already surf, there will be plenty of weekend trips for you to make the most of, with cheap transport and, hopefully, plenty of waves. These trips tend to be in Wales, the nearest beaches to Bath. If you’ve never touched a board before, worry not - a significant portion of the Surf Club is made up of students who have never surfed, so there are excellent facilities for beginners, with the regular trips that take place most weekends.

SURF’S UP: Wave jockey in action.

MAN & BOARD: Happy together.



race on campus THE UNIVERSITY of Bath’s main campus will host a cross country race on 8th November. The race involves teams from the Gwent Cross Country League, which includes the University’s own cross country team. The senior women’s race starts at 1pm, whereas the senior men’s race is scheduled for 2.3opm. Any member of the athletics club is eligible to run in the event. The University performed well at the most recent league meet in Bridgend, in competition running clubs as well as other universities. Laura Dunn and Fleur Ross-Harris came 13th and 14th respectively in the senior women’s team, helping them sit at joint fourth in the table. The ladies under-23s are joint first with the University of Cardiff. In the senior men’s race, Bath runners James Mills came 14th and Richard Spear 34th. The mens under-23s currently lie third in the overall standings.

Valiant England lose out to Japan TEAM ENGLAND lost 4-1 to Japan at the first of two exhibition contests played between the two teams. The University of Bath’s STV hosted the teams and three well-stocked stands of both loyal and casual badminton fans. The evening began well for England with a win for Nathan Robertson and Jenny Wallwork in the mixed-doubles opener beating Hirokatsu Hashimoto and Mizuki Fujii in straight games. This was Robertson’s first international appearance at home since winning his one hundredth cap for England, and in many ways his was the finest performance of the evening. His experience was invaluable in this first game. The second match, between Andrew Smith and Kenichi Tago, began on an upbeat note, with Smith taking the first game 2119. But as so often with England in international competitions, so much more was promised than was delivered, and by the deciding game the shouts of “Come on Andy!” suggested that the writing was on the wall. He lost. Elizabeth Cann was beaten by Eriko Hirose in the women’s singles. Jenny Wallwork and her 17-year-old team-mate Jessica Fletcher were beaten in their international debut together by Mami Naito and Shizuka Matsuo and, despite a dogged performance, Robertson and Anthony Clark lost in the final game of the evening. Despite the disappointment, the performance of Team England was by no means poor, and the evening’s events were consistently fast-paced and entertaining. A great exhibition of the sport.

sport impact

“Cake or death?”


Page 21: Cycling

Page 23: Trivia

Boys crush Bristol as girls get hard earned point

GOAL TIME: Lucy Moir (far left) puts Bath 2-1 ahead with her effort, while Ben Carless (above) got on the scoresheet for the men. MEN’S 1STS HOCKEY BATH UNIVERSITY




Johnathan Mills Bath University Hockey Club





Sean Lightbown Sports Editor

THE LADIES first team battled their way to a share of the spoils in their tussle with Bristol. In retrospect, it was a fair result as Bath edged proceedings in the first half, whereas Bristol came into their own during the second. Bath opened the scoring early on in the first half. A short corner was awarded to Bath, the ball was played to Zoe Shipperley, who finished well to give Bath the lead. The first half became quite processional, with neither team able to produce the necessary quality in the final third. That all changed when a Bristol player went on a horizontal run before cutting inside the D. She unleashed a shot, which took a couple of deflections before nestling in the bottom corner. Bristol gained impetus from this,

and produced sustained pressure in and around the Bath area. Bath had other ideas, however. After a Bristol short corner broke down, Bath counter-attacked with lightning speed. The ball was eventually played to Lucy Moir who provided a composed finish to put Bath 2-1 up at the interval. The second half saw Bristol pushing hard for the equaliser, and they almost got a gift straight from the restart. A poor ball in midfield was intercepted by a Bristol player and she headed down the right flank. She then sent a ball into the centre which was hit wide by the forward. This continued to be a theme, as Bristol found joy down the right hand side, with balls coming in from that side causing some panic in the centre. With Bristol piling forward, however, they were exposed at the back. On one such occasion, Bath had a one-on-one with the Bristol keeper, only for the Bath attacker to be forced wide and mis-hit her shot. With minutes remaining, Bristol broke Bath hearts as a short corner ball was sent to the edge of the D, hit by a Bristol player and then deflected in.

BATH UNI Men’s first team played host to old rivals Bristol on Wednesday and maintained their long running domination over their West Country rivals with an emphatic win. Boosted by the return of The Johnny Kinder to the forward line Bath began the game full of confidence and always looked like they would score first. It took several attempts and

good saves from the Bristol keeper but after fifteen minutes Bath had taken the lead, Kinder scoring with a delightful reverse stick lob. Bristol looked to fight back and almost scored with a counter attack, however from the resulting save by ‘keeper Chris Day, Bath immediately countered back and a well worked move was clinically dispatched by captain and man of the match Chris Cargo. Bath added to the goal tally only a couple of minutes after the half time break with another trademark finish from Cargo. Ben Carless added Bath’s fourth and final goal, almost making up for his older brother Luke’s disappointing all round display

on Wednesday. The Bath team were delighted with the win, in particular the solid defensive display and clean sheet. Next week Bath face a difficult away trip at Oxford but will travel full of confidence after an excellent team performance. Hockey result of the day though was the men’s fifth team who outclassed and beat opposition from the league above 3-1 in the first round of the Western conference cup. After goals from Scott Bennett, Peter Sutherland and Steven Wilkins, skipper James Annakin was the happiest man in Score!

Can you feel the buzz? American Football, page 21

Bath Impact Volume 11 Issue 4  

The University of Bath Students' Union newspaper

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