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Preposterous Fairytales


The Children of Bangkok Prep present...

Published by Bangkok International Preparatory & Secondary School (Bangkok Prep) Printing House: Tanachet Company Limited. 847/6 Soi Pattanakarn 1 Sathupradit Road, Bangpongpang, Yannawa, Bangkok 10120 Tel: 02-683-6682 Fax: 02-683-6613


Preposterous Fairytales

Contents The Victoria Sponge Octopus & the Chocolate Pig!............................................... 2 The Ugly Panther........................................................................................................ 3 Beauty and the Shark.................................................................................................. 4 Minnie.......................................................................................................................... 5 Freezing Beauty........................................................................................................... 6 The 12 Gloriumptious Princesses and the BFG....................................................... 7 Crystalina..................................................................................................................... 8 The Billy Goats Snuff It!............................................................................................ 9 The Expert Elves and Bad Tempered Shoe Maker................................................. 10 The Secret Code of Hansel and Gretel..................................................................... 11 Bad Goldilocks and the Three Gangster Bears....................................................... 12 The Rabbit and the Turtle......................................................................................... 13 Mr Bean’s New Beach Clothes.................................................................................. 14 Happily Never After................................................................................................... 15 The Frog and the Maiden.......................................................................................... 16 Jack and the Beanstalk.............................................................................................. 17 Rhymingtiltskin......................................................................................................... 18 Rap-Unzel................................................................................................................... 19

Preposterous Fairytales


The Victorian Sponge Octopus and the Chocolate Pig!

Once upon a time there was a Little Old Lady who lived in a small, perfect cottage in a wood. She loved to bake cakes and one day decided to bake a yummy Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig for her afternoon snack. As soon as they were ready to eat the Victorian Sponge Octopus and the Chocolate Pig jumped up and ran out of the door shouting,

can you can’t catch us!”

“Run, run as fast as you can you can’t catch us!”

But the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig didn’t want to be eaten by the fast, funny Gingerbread Man and replied,

The Little Old Lady ran as fast as she could after them. She chased them out the door and down a path through the woods. Soon the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig ran past a crazy Monkey Princess who was enjoying swinging through the trees. When she saw the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig she was surprised and shouted, “Stop! You look good enough to eat!” But the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig sped up and shouted back, “Run, run as fast as you can you can’t catch us!” and they continued with the little Old Lady and Monkey Princess following. Next the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig ran past a BB8 (Star Wars droid) who had fallen from space. He cried “Beep, Beep, beep” which meant “Stop! You look good enough to eat!” The cakes were shocked to see him in the woods but did not want to be eaten so screamed back, “Beep, Beep, beep” which meant “Run, run as fast as you 2

By Year 1LS

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They ran past trees and vines and soon saw a Gingerbread Man! He was running away from many animals too and when he saw the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig he called, “Stop! You look good enough to eat!”

“Run, run as fast as you can you can’t catch us!” They all kept chasing until the Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig reached a river. By the side of the river was an Enderman who had escaped the fun Minecraft game. The Enderman said in a low voice, “I can help you cross the river and escape. Hop onto my back and I will swim across.” The Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig were unsure but the Old Lady, the Monkey Princess, the BB8 and the Gingerbread Man were catching them up so they jumped on the Enderman’s back. Half way across the river they were starting to get wet. “Hop onto my head” said the Enderman. The Victorian Sponge Octopus and a Chocolate Pig did as they were told and then “SNAP!” The evil Enderman ate them up! “Scrumptious!” said the Enderman licking his lips!

The Ugly Panther By Year 1AH Once upon a time, deep in the green rainforest, there lived a family of big, black panthers with sharp, strong teeth. There was Father Panther, Mother Panther, Seo, Zib, and Rosie.

Later, Rosie met the Jaguar family. Rosie asked, “Can I please be in your family?”

Father Panther was as black as night, scary and brave. Mother Panther was as big as a panda, black as chocolate, and strong. Seo was as black as an Oreo cookie, afraid of the dark, and as cute as a bunny. Zib was as black as hair, as small as a pig, and pretty. But Rosie was as brown as hot chocolate with black spots like chocolate chips, and had stripes like Pocky sticks.

This time, Rosie was very, very sad and cried. She cried as loud as a fire alarm. The Ocelot family heard her cries. They came running towards Rosie. Rosie had finally met her family. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. At last, we’ve found you! We missed you. You must live with us. We love you.” they said all at once.

One day it rained suddenly, and there was a fight between the young cats. Zib shouted at Rosie, “You’re not like the rest of us! You are not black, but spotty.” Rosie was sad and ran away.

The Jaguars were rude and shouted, “You have stripes on your face! Don’t live with us. Go away!”

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

Rosie met the Tiger family. Rosie asked, “Can I please be in your family?” The Tigers exclaimed, “You’re not stripy like us! Go away!” Rosie was very sad and she cried. Then she left.

Preposterous Fairytales


Beauty and the Shark Once upon a time there was a kind, beautiful girl called Beauty. She lived in a wooden cottage with her father and her two mean, grumpy, greedy sisters. One windy and stormy morning, Beauty decided to go for a walk along the shiny river. It was raining so hard that the path was flooded with water and was so slippery that Beauty slipped and fell straight into the river. It was painful. Her eyes were stinging because the water was so salty. She began to somersault through the water and the water was pushing her down until she bumped into a ginormous rock that was actually a shipwreck.

Beauty was so scared and nervous because she thought the shark might eat her all up! He had a very big shark’s fin. “Please help me to find a very heavy, sparkly, shiny treasure chest!” the shark said. “Because I need it.”

“Ouch!” said Beauty.

When she opened the treasure chest, there was a red, sparkly button.

The ship looked very broken. She went inside and found lots of food and a comfy bed. She ate and ate and was very full and happy. Then she had a long, long sleep. The next morning, Beauty woke up and saw something grey swim past. As she looked out of the window, it had gone. Then she saw it again. Beauty saw a shark! “You have shiny, sharp teeth and big eyes,” said Beauty. 4

By Year 1EG

Preposterous Fairytales

So she looked all around the ship. She looked in each door and she looked under the beds. She even looked in the toilet! Beauty looked everywhere! Then, Beauty saw a heavy, brown rock in the corner of the ship. She used her strong muscles to lift the rock and underneath she saw a very heavy, sparkly, shiny treasure chest, just like the shark had asked for.

“Press the button!” said the shark. Beauty pressed the button. Suddenly, the shark disappeared! The shark turned into a kind, handsome prince! They looked at each other. They were in love! They swam back up the magic river and went onto the green grass. They lived happily ever after.

Minnie By Year 2MD Once upon a time there was a beautiful baker named Gourda. Her funny friend, the cute, brave Little Puppy gave her an amazing old piece of wood. So she decided to make a yummy girl shaped cake, she started making the head and mouth, as soon as she had done this, the ugly cake stuck out its yucky tongue. When she started making the legs the cake said “Ouch!”. She was surprised and amazed. As soon as she had finished the cake it quickly jumped up and ran outside. The cake ran straight into a grumpy policeman who took it home. Gourda was so pleased to see the cake, she decided to name it Minnie. The marvellous cake cried when she saw her and said “Mummy, I missed you, please can I go to school?” They had no money so Gourda decided she would sell her scary horns to get money and send Minnie to school. She sold her horns and bought her a cool book and off she went to school.

On the way she met the BIG Bad Tiger who asked Minnie “Do you want to come to the Funarium?” So Minnie sold her cool book and instead of going to school went to Funarium. The man at the Funarium was mean to Minnie, turned her into a horse and threw her in the river. Then the Cute Fairy came and helped Minnie and she was able to go back home. When Gourda saw her she hugged her and said “Oh I was so worried”. Minnie started making phenomenal and fabulous toys and selling them. Soon she was able to buy back Gourda’s horns. That night while Minnie was sleeping the Cute Fairy came and turned her into a real girl. In the morning Gourda said “Wow, you’re a real girl. I always wanted a daughter.” Then they all lived happily ever after.

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Freezing Beauty By Year 2DOS Once upon a time, there was a king and queen. They had a beautiful baby. They decided to have an icy, winter party to celebrate. They invited everyone in the kingdom, including the magic penguins. There are thirteen penguins but they only invited twelve because they only had twelve penguin scarves to give them. At the party, the penguins gave the princess lots of gifts – kindness, intelligence, happiness and many more. When the twelfth penguin was going to give her gift, the thirteenth magic penguin arrived and she was very cross because she hadn’t been invited to the party! She was so angry that she cast a spell on the princess… “When the princess is sixteen, she will eat a blackberry and she will die!” she cried. Then, she disappeared. All of a sudden, the twelfth penguin said, “I haven’t given my gift yet. I cannot break the spell as it is too strong but I can change it. She will not die when she eats


Preposterous Fairytales

a blackberry. She will turn to ice for 100 years!” The queen was shocked and the king said, “That is too long!” The king sent his knights to destroy all of the blackberry bushes in the kingdom to protect his new-born daughter. Many years later, the princess had grown up to be kind, intelligent, happy and all of the other things that the penguins had given her. On her sixteenth birthday, she discovered a secret garden. In the garden, she met a chicken but it was really the thirteenth penguin in disguise! “Would you like to try my strawberry jam sandwich?” asked the chicken. But of course the jam inside was blackberry jam! The princess took a bite and froze still like an ice sculpture and so did everyone else in the kingdom! Years passed until one day the Green Lantern was zooming past. He spotted a shiny statue in a garden. When he reached the ground, he went to the garden and came across the freezing beauty. ‘What’s that?!” said the Green Lantern. He started to dance around the frozen princess and his dancing was so wonderful that it warmed the princess’s heart and the ice melted away. All of the ice melted away from the kingdom and became water. This made a giant swimming pool so everyone had an amazing pool party and they all lived happily ever after!


Gloriumptious Princesses and the BFG By Year 2JW

Once upon a time there were 12 gloriumptious princesses, who lived in a big, whoopsy-wiffling ice palace. They all loved ice cream, but the King had banned all the ice cream in the land, because it tasted filthsome. They slept in the same room and each morning they had terrible, jumbly stomach ache. The King couldn’t understand why because he locked them in each night without any food. What the King didn’t know, was that each night, the BFG came by and took the princesses to Ice Cream Land, far, far away. In Ice Cream Land they experimented with different flavours of ice cream to try and find the perfect phizz-whizzing ice cream. They tried making Gynzlewiped Grass, which tasted of swigspill, Jumbly Jelly, which tasted of svollop, and they even tried Oopma Lumpa Orange, which turned them a splashwinkle orange! This is why they had a filthsome stomach ache each morning.

Disguised as a gloriumptious princess, he was taken by the BFG to Ice Cream Land, far, far away, where he helped the princesses make the most scrumdidliumpcious flavoured ice cream. The cheeky cheese maker took the scrumdidliumpcious ice cream back to the King in a phizz-whizzer dream jar and told him what his daughters had been doing. He told the King he was a whizz-popping ice cream man and chose one of the gloriumptious princesses to marry. They opened an ice cream shop and had two ice cream children, called Snozzcumber Susan, and Jumbly John. The BFG also agreed to use his clogwinkle, magic ice cream cone to give all the little kiddles in the land scrumdidliumpcious ice cream dreams, and they all lived happily ever after!

One day, a whizz-popping ice cream man, disguised as a cheeky cheese seller, came to the palace and said he’d find out how the princesses got their filthsome stomach ache. He asked for a reward of an ice cream and a princess.

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Crystalina By Year 3EC Once upon a time there lived a lovely and kind woman called Miss Falcon. One day she wanted to enter the FOBISIA best flower competition so decided to go to ‘Ari Potter’s Gardening Shop’. It looked like any normal old gardening shop however there was a secret basement where he did his wizardry. Unfortunately, Ari Potter had forgotten his glasses that day so accidently gave Miss Falcon the wrong type of seed... The very next day she planted the magic seed into a pot and left it on the windowsill. After three weeks the plant grew bigger and into a beautiful red rose so Miss Falcon went to smell it.

Meanwhile, an Evil Eagle of the forest was hunting for food when he smelt the delicious crispy, creamy cakes. He swooped down and stole a cupcake as fast as he could. The Evil Eagle without realising took Crystalina to his nest high in a coconut tree. She felt very worried because she was lost so she cried and cried. A beautiful, kind dragonfly was flying around the sky when he heard a little mini, whiny voice screaming for help. “Help me, please somebody help!” Crystalina shrieked. So the dragonfly quickly flew down to rescue her. “Dragonfly taxi at your service?” he asked politely.

Suddenly, the flower bloomed open and surprisingly a child was inside. Her eyes and hair sparkled brightly like crystals. Miss Falcon was happier than ever.

“Thank you, I must return to my mother’s house if that’s ok?” she replied.

“I am going to name you Crystalina because your hair and eyes sparkle like crystals.” she exclaimed excitedly. Miss Falcon made her a bed out of rose petals and that night they slept safe and sound. Well that’s what they thought…

A short while later...

Early that morning the Big Bad Wolf climbed through the open window and grabbed Crystalina in his sharp, yellow teeth. He took her to the forest but on the way he bumped into a girl wearing a red cloak. The little girl was so scared she swung her basket into the wolf ’s nose so hard that he dropped Crystalina and she fell into the safety of the basket.


Luckily, she landed on a squishy cupcake that Little Red Riding Hood was taking to her grandmother.

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“Yes, I can take you but first I have to pick up someone from Ari Potter’s gardening shop.” he said. “Mother!” she cried. “Crystalina, I’ve been so worried. I would like you to meet the Little Prince who helped me send the dragonfly out to search for you.” The Little Prince invited them all to live with him on B-612 land but unfortunately Miss Falcon was too big! Ari Potter interrupted, “I might just have the solution to this happily ever after ending you’re looking for…!’

The Billy Goats Snuff It! By Year 3MB Once upon a time there were three Billy Goats. They had once lived in a field full of gorgeous, green grass, but they had greedily gobbled it up and now their field was brown, barren and bare. The thing about these goats is that they were greedy. They were VERY greedy. They had eaten every last shrivelled shrub and now they looked across the river to a mouthwatering site. For over the bridge was the field belonging to Trevor Troll.

Little Billy Goat galloped across the bridge. Clickety clack click clack! Up leapt Trevor Troll, landing on the bridge with a loud thump. “Who’s click-clacking on my bridge?” he roared angrily. (We did mention that he had a terrible temper)

Trevor was well known to all Billy Goats for his terrible temper, and all of them knew better than to try and cross his bridge. So they gazed over at the field and began to hatch a cunning plan.

Now, Trevor did have a terrible temper, but unlike the goats, he wasn’t greedy.

Little Billy Goat explained his plan to the others. “I’ll go first. I’m going to say wait for my bigger brother because he’s much tastier than me. Then Medium Billy Goat, you can say the same thing and then finally Big Billy Goat, you can knock him off the bridge with your gigantic horns.” The Billy Goats nodded enthusiastically and decided that this was indeed a splendid plan, and so Little Billy Goat trotted happily towards the bridge.

“Hey Trolly, wanna eat me?” bleated Little Billy Goat confidently. “Guess what, I have a bigger brother. You don’t have to eat me. You can eat my delicious brother instead.”

“Nah, you look yummy enough for me,” shrugged Trevor. So he grabbed Little Billy Goat, threw him over his shoulder and off he went to collect his saucepan and spices from under the bridge. In no time at all he had cooked up a delicious goat stew and he settled down for his dinner. “YUM YUM YUM GULP GOBBLE BURP!” went the troll as he eagerly gobbled down his steaming scrummy bowl of stew. Trevor wasn’t a greedy troll. Be like Trevor.

Preposterous Fairytales


The Expert Elves and

Bad Tempered Shoemaker By Year 3LS Once upon a time there lived a bad tempered shoemaker and his wife. They were extremely poor and had hardly enough food, which made the shoemaker grumpy. However, his wife was always calm and kind. Sadly one day, the shoemaker only had enough leather to make one more pair of shoes. He left the leather on the side until the next day. He went to bed and the next morning came downstairs to open his shop. Lying on the table was a pair of beautifully made shoes. He screamed to his wife, “Did you make these shoes?” “Of course not my dear. I can’t make shoes. Only you can.” It was a mystery how the shoes had appeared. That day, an old lady bought the shoes and paid twice the price for them. Now, there was enough money to buy leather to make two pairs of shoes. That night, as always, he left the leather on his work bench. The next morning two pairs of fantastic shoes had been made, just like the night before. Once again they were sold and slowly the shoemaker become richer. The same happened day after day. The shoemaker remained bad tempered as could not understand this mystery. His wife told him to hide in the cupboard at night to see what was happening. So one night he hid behind a cupboard and right before his eyes


Preposterous Fairytales

two elves appeared in a puff of smoke and expertly made the shoes. The elves sang happily as they glued the shoes’ parts together. The mean old shoemaker was furious at the sight of the elves using HIS leather and making the shoes in HIS house, even though they just wanted to help. He decided to set a trap so he could keep the elves as slaves. Of course, he did not tell his wife about the elves or his plan because she would try to stop him. The very next night the shoemaker hid and waited. He had a rope to pull that would drop a cage down upon the poor elves. In a puff of smoke the elves appeared and started their work. And then the shoemaker dropped the cage. “Who do you think you are, coming to MY house and using MY things?” The elves could not answer and only listened as the shoemaker explained that they were now his slaves and would work for him forever. Eventually, his wife found out what her husband had done. She tried to persuade him to free the elves, but he ignored her wishes. Soon after, the shoemaker went out to cut some wood. His wife unlocked the cage and freed the elves. Now the elves were happy again, but as for the shoemaker, he never again spoke to his wife.

The secret Code of Hansel and Gretel By Year 4AB Once upon a time there lived two young and intelligent (but a little geeky) twins called Hansel and Gretel. They loved school and attended ‘Happily Ever After High.’ One Tuesday morning at 10am their teacher Miss Honey, a beautiful kind lady, asked them to go to the library to return the class books. “Can you please go to the library and return these books for me?” asked Miss Honey politely. “Ok, we’ll be as quick as we can,” replied Hansel and Gretel. Swiftly, Hansel and Gretel hurried down the corridor towards the library. As they walked, they chatted and giggled about their day. Suddenly, in the distance, they spotted a titanium wire with sparks flying everywhere! “Wow, what is that?” questioned Hansel. “I’m not sure, but I think we should check it out!” responded Gretel, full of excitement. As they crept towards the mysterious sight, they realised it was a room built entirely from electronic devices. They had never seen so many fascinating pieces of technology in their lives. Rapidly, they flung open the door and went in to explore… As soon as the door opened, their jaws dropped (not literally) in amazement! Everywhere they looked there were shining, twinkling screens and monitors. Straight away Hansel and Gretel began to play. “Ha ha ha you’ve fallen for my evil trap!” shouted a voice from the shadows. Hansel and Gretel froze with fear.

“Should we run?” whispered Hansel quietly. “You can’t run from my room, it’s locked!” cackled the voice. Immediately, the door slammed shut. “My plan is working! I built this room to trap silly, little, addicted to electronics children like you!” “Why do you not want children playing with electronics?” enquired Hansel nervously. “Why?! WHY?! Because I don’t know how to use them, and little children like you are always bragging about your abilities!” moaned the voice. With that, Hansel and Gretel grabbed a fully charged device from what was the house wall, and began to explain how to use the astonishing gadget. First of all, they demonstrated how to type. Next, they revealed how to search the web. Then, they explained the all important E-safety rules. Finally, they exposed the secret of programming and writing code! Slowly, the voice began to emerge from the dark shadows. Hansel and Gretel could make out the large, terrifying figure it belonged to. Then it dawned on them, it was The Trunchbull! The Headteacher of ‘Happily Ever After High!’ “I can’t believe how much you know and how much you can do with one measly invention,” exclaimed The Trunchbull. “I am seriously impressed.” From that day on, the children of ‘Happily Ever After High’ lived happily ever after as the Trunchbull decided to buy electronic devices for one and all!

Preposterous Fairytales


Bad Goldilocks and the Three Gangster Bears By Year 4HM Once upon a... WAIT! STOP! This is NOT a story for the faint-hearted. In the early hours of Saturday December 5th, a masked criminal stole a valuable, glistening diamond from the White House. This bloodthirsty, unlawful crook was armed with swords, guns and... two spoons. Detectives found a trail of porridge oats on the streets leading away from the White House. President Obama was shocked and disappointed. The anonymous thief was addicted to porridge and so she needed money desperately. Her name was Goldilocks. She travelled to a luxurious, mysterious mansion hidden in the depths of the forest. On the way, she heard weird howling coming from the terrible, trembling branches. Bear scratches were everywhere on the tree trunks. In the distance she could hear a beating sound, and she knew she was nearly there! When she reached the gangsters’ hideout, she was welcomed by a brown bear. Was she intimidated? No! The three bears were the delinquent’s partners in crime! The innocent girl had accidentally entered the bears’ house a few months before. After she had escaped, they fixed the chair and made some more porridge and the bears realised that the sweet girl was actually very good at breaking into houses. Consequently, they trained her to become a criminal mastermind. “Did you retrieve the diamond?” questioned the cutest bear (who was actually very vicious). “Mission accomplished!” replied the 12

Preposterous Fairytales

blonde-haired thief, “You promised me delicious porridge – where is it?” Suddenly, two massive creatures wearing glittering gold necklaces barged through the kitchen door and the aroma of breakfast filled the room. “Let me check it, mate!” the largest bear growled dominantly. Quickly, he grabbed the shiny diamond and scolded, “This is too small!” “Don’t worry,” said Goldilocks, “I’ve got another one for you.” “That one’s too big!” he exclaimed. “Here! I’ve got another one,” she replied. “That one’s just right,” he chuckled joyfully (and did a little uncharacteristic ballet dance). Meanwhile, outside the house, a team of specialised police officers were preparing to arrest the criminals. Through the window, they could see a hairy, useless thug holding President Obama’s diamond! Goldilocks finally sat down to eat her porridge. Just as she was about to gulp it down, seven furious cops crashed through the door and handcuffed the gang. An hour later, they were in prison. As they were banging on the bars, they noticed a padlock. Goldilocks had a brainwave! She used the spoon to try to pick the giant lock. “This spoon is too big!” she said. She tried another. “This spoon is too small!” she exclaimed. Coincidentally, it was lunch time. A guard arrived with a bowl full of porridge and… a spoon! “That one’s just right!” they whispered. So later that night, when the moon had risen, the crooks escaped with only their shadows trailing behind them.

The Rabbit and the Turtle By Year 4SE There once lived a beautiful white fluffy rabbit, who was very full of confidence. Her name was Felicia and she thought that she was not only the most fabulous rabbit, but also the fastest animal in the kingdom. One sunny morning as Felicia was taking care of her carrot garden, she caught a glimpse of a little green turtle slowly plodding along the river bank. His name was George. “Hey little turtle. What brings you here?” The turtle slowly turned his head. “Greetings. I am just taking a stroll along the river and into the village.” “How long did it take you to get here?” giggled Felicia. “You’re so slow little turtle!” “I’m not so fast on my feet, I know. But I’ll get there,” replied George. “I am also going into the village. But I am much faster than you. I must finish watering my garden first, but I am sure I will arrive there before you.” And so George continued on his way along the river bank towards the village, while Felicia finished watering her carrot garden. Sometime later Felicia set off from her home on her way towards the village. She was confident that her legs would run quicker than the turtle’s, therefore she did not need to hurry.

The village was not too far away, although to get there Felicia would have to travel all the way along the river bank and across the old wooden bridge. The village was on the other side of the river. However, what she hadn’t considered was that the turtle did not need to cross the river at the bridge. As Felicia happily hopped along towards the bridge, George was swimming calmly across the river towards the village. Half an hour later, Felicia finally approached the village, feeling tired but happy that she was the fastest animal in the kingdom. However, as she glanced to her left something round and green caught her attention. “Hello little rabbit,” exclaimed George happily. “Oh turtle. It’s you! How did you get here so fast?” “Rabbit, everyone has different strengths. You didn’t consider that I am good at swimming.” Felicia felt disappointed but also exhausted because she had run all the way. As she looked around her, gasping for air, she saw all of the village animals staring at her. “You were so confident Rabbit that you were the fastest, but you underestimated that others have different strengths and talents.”

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Mr Bean’s New Beach Clothes By Year 5NC Once upon a time there lived a funny-looking and silly man called Mr Bean. He came tiredly to Pattaya, Thailand for a calm holiday all the way from England. In England the weather is very cold; shivering cold. But in Thailand the weather is extremely hot. When he arrived in Pattaya, Mr Bean felt so hot he thought he was on fire like the inside of a volcano. The sweat from his body was soaking into his clothes and he was wet like he’d been under a hot shower. Mr Bean saw a huge shop called Big C where he thought he could buy some beach clothes. This place was very different from Waitrose in England. Looking round curiously he picked up a strange looking fruit he thought was a purple pineapple, since he couldn’t understand the writing. He had never been hot or been to the beach before so he had no idea what to wear or where to buy it from. A few moments later he saw a gang of assistants walking towards him. Mr Bean thought they were there to help him so scuttled towards them.The dodgy assistants demanded money for their help, but Mr Bean didn’t have any Thai baht he only had English money. After discussing what to do, the assistants agreed an idea.


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“We could trade with that lovely teddy bear of yours.” Mr Bean was sentimental about his bear and he didn’t really want to give it away, but he had to accept because he needed beachwear and he had no other choice. The dodgy assistants then rushed off to sell the bear in the market and bought som tam with the money. Back at Big C, they dressed Mr Bean in a florescent pink bikini but warned him not to look at himself in the mirror. Excitedly, Mr Bean skipped off to the beach to enjoy some sunbathing. There the gleaming sea awaited him under the hot sun. Instantly everyone started laughing at him…so hard that their faces turned purple. Mr Bean was thinking why so many people were laughing, pointing and sniggering at him. Then he looked down and realised he was wearing a bikini! He was shocked in horror as he realised the assistants had tricked him. He did not want to feel embarrassed in front of everyone, so he walked to the sea with his head held high pretending to be proud of his fluorescent pink bikini. Mr Bean however didn’t want to get out of the sea just in case people laughed at him again. So if you go to the beach in Pattaya you may just see Mr Bean still in the sea!

Happily Never After By Year 5JK Queen Gisel stared into the magical mirror and smiled with glee. She chanted, “Mirror mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?” “You are, my queen but not for long because your sister will bear a child that will grow to be more beautiful then you.” Soon after, her smile turned into a frown. She knew the child couldn’t be allowed to grow up. In the deep folds of her mind, the queen thought of a plot to destroy the fairness of Snow White. “However if you harm the baby your sister will unleash powers the world has never seen before,” persuaded the mirror. One stormy night, her highness commanded one of her brewers to brew a sleeping potion. The evil queen poured the potion into a golden bottle and she transformed into a crow. The queen soared to the castle’s highest turret where Snow White was sound asleep. She shape shifted into Snow White’s mother and fed the formula to the baby. That night Queen Rosetta woke from a nightmare, the vision she had seen was herself feeding Snow White a

poisonous concoction. She runs to her baby and sees Snow White pale, lifeless and asleep. She screams with fury and hate and the air turns frosty white. Her anger builds up and bursts turning the castle into a frozen fortress. The good queen exclaims, “If I can’t raise a child of my own, I will raise an army.” The children stepped into the room with fear because they knew they would never see the light of dawn again. The generous queen had helped orphan children by giving them shelter and training them into battle hardened warriors. In the midst of a cold and dark winter, Queen Rosetta grabbed her deathly weapon and with one blow of the horn the war began. The pure queen mounted her polar bear and rode to the front of the battle line. She raised her hand to freeze her sister and out of nowhere the twisted one drew a faint glowing lance and pierced her sister in the heart. She fell to the ground. As soon as one drop of her mother’s blood fell to the ice, the ice disappeared and Snow White woke from her slumber. Preposterous Fairytales


The Frog and the Maiden By Year 5SD Once upon a time, there was a selfish and spoiled princess who lived in an enchanted castle. One morning, she sneaked into her mother’s bedroom and stole the Queen’s beautiful diamond encrusted necklace, which had been in the royal family for centuries. The princess was bored, so she went outside to take a walk in the garden. It was a beautiful day: the sun shone and the birds were singing high in the cotton candy clouds. She held the necklace up to the sunlight, pretending it was hers.

The princess refused to open the door, but the servant replied, “Your majesty, you should keep a promise: I’ll let him in.” Before the princess could reply, the servant opened the door and the frog hopped into the dining hall. After the feast, the servant led the frog into her bedroom.

Suddenly, there was a strong gust of wind that blew the necklace into a nearby pond.

“Why are you letting that slimy frog into your room?” the princess shouted.

“My necklace!” she cried, kneeling beside the sparkling water.

The servant didn’t reply and said to the frog: “Don’t listen to her, she is mean.” The frog hopped onto the bed and drifted off to sleep. He did this for three days, then something extraordinary happened.

As soon as her tears hit the water, a slimy wet frog jumped out and landed on a lily pad. “Hello my dear princess, why do you cry?” croaked the frog, water drooling from his mouth. “I dropped my necklace in the pond!” sobbed the princess. “I can get it for you if you promise me one thing,” replied the frog, whispering in her ear. ‘You slimy, good for nothing frog’ thought the princess, ‘I will promise anything, just to get the necklace!’ After she had agreed, the frog dived into the pond and seconds later, he emerged with the necklace in his slimy mouth. The princess snatched the necklace and raced back to the palace. Later that night, while the princess was having dinner, there was a bang on the door. The princess opened it, only to find the same slimy, wet frog. The princess slammed the door in horror as the frog started speaking: 16

“Open up my princess dear, I’m already here for you, don’t you fear!”

Preposterous Fairytales

As the sun rose on the third day, the servant woke up and instead of the frog, a handsome, charming prince stood in his place. The servant gasped. The prince explained that he had been cursed by a wicked witch. “Will you marry me?” the prince asked. “I will.” she replied. At that instant, the princess woke up and saw the servant kissing the prince. She looked down. “Oh my goodness!” she cried. “I’m a frog!” The servant and the prince lived happily ever after.

By Year 6NW Once upon a time, there was a boy named Jack who lived with his mother. They were so poor that they had to sell all their farm animals for money and food. One day, Jack’s mother sent him to the market to sell their last pig, but on the way he met a mysterious man who persuaded him to sell the pig for two magical apples. Proudly, Jack walked back to their farm, however his mum was furious when she saw the apples, sending him to bed without dinner. Selfishly, Mum decided to munch one of the apples, which immediately made her feel sick: running outside, she up-chucked, and started to feel really weird, lightheaded and tingly. Her shoes sprouted roots, her legs stretched enormously, her bottom and arms became branches, her fingernails spiralled into flowers, and her neck and hair erupted into a mass of stringy vines. Taller and wider, she weighed 10 times more than she was 30 seconds previously… Mum, (now a beanstalk) had sprung far up into the clouds. Jack woke the next morning, and, finding no mum (or apples) but just a peculiar beanstalk outside, rapidly climbed up to see what he could find. As he peeped over the marsh-mellowy clouds, he glimpsed an enormous castle. Fearing a giant, he frantically scanned everywhere above him, only to be yelled at from below: it was the shortest, chubbiest, stubbiest, weirdly egg shaped, most disgusting dwarf you could ever imagine.

miserable and really missed his mum. Consequently, he became so thin that one night, Jack was able to squeeze between the bars of his cage, and escape to find the beanstalk. About to climb on, he spotted an apple hanging from the top branch, and, without hesitation, stretched out to grab it. With his mouth drooling, Jack took the biggest bite ever…it tasted sweet… mouth-watering… juicy… and …. YUGH…dog food… sour milk… rotten eggs… Brussel sprouts…. Jack hurled all over the beanstalk, shakily starting his descent. Suddenly, his feet sprouted roots, his thin legs stretched, his skinny bottom and stick-like arms became leaves, and his scrawny neck and hair became a mass of miniature vines. As a beanstalk, Jack recognised that the other beanstalk was his mum and ecstatically gave her the biggest, cuddliest, loveliest hug ever. Reunited, they intertwined their vines around one another and lived happily ever after (as beanstalks). THE END Until… a devastating drought occurred… and, as a result…

“I’m hungry, do you have any food?” Jack asked politely.

Mum and Jack Beanstalk shrivelled up…

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,” screamed the dwarf, “You are now my slave… get to work!”


For many days and nights, Jack was forced to clean toilets with his tongue, scrub floors with his bare hands, and suck dirt from the dwarf ’s toe nails. He was always hungry,



Preposterous Fairytales


Rhymingstiltskin By Year 6KL Once there was a man, who was very old. He said to the King, “my daughter spins straw to gold”. The King replied, “Bring her tomorrow and I’ll put her to test, And the gold she makes I can wear on my chest.” Later that day, to the castle she arrived, So scared that she helplessly cried. Then locked in a room that was filled with straw, The girl couldn’t believe what she saw. Forced to spin straw into thin gold hair, Threatened to do it before the morning air. The door opened and a creature came in, And saw her weeping unable to spin, “Why are you crying?” Asked the troll She replied, “I must spin straw to gold”. “If I help you today, what will you give?” So she passed him her necklace so she could live. Dawn arrived and the King was there, He took her to another room with little air. He demanded again to spin the straw, And again came the man with the tiny jaw. “I’ll help you again but I want some more bling,” So she made another deal and handed over a ring. The King rejoiced beyond his sight, And said, “You must spin throughout the night. If you succeed you’ll be my wife, But if you fail, I will take your life.” Shut in the room, the girl was alone, Then in came the man, hat like a cone. “Alas, I have nothing left to give,


Preposterous Fairytales

I have only left my life to live”. “Then promise me at the morning dawn, If you become Queen, give me your first born.” The King came in with a ring in his hand, “You my dear are the fairest in the land.” The Queen had a child one year after, The royal child brought her lots of laughter. She forgot about the goblin, but suddenly he entered her room “Give what you owe, or face your doom.” But the demon took pity and made another deal, “Could you find out my name for real?” If the Queen could do this task, For the child he would not ask. The Queen tried to guess names, Tom, Jack, Fred and James? She thought all night, But had said all the names by the morning light. On the third day a messenger came, But had no news of any names. Although he did tell the Queen of a little a house, Something running round it like a mouse. Singing, “The next I’ll have the young Queen’s child, That Rumpelstiltskin I am styled” And when soon after the little man came. He asked, “Now Queen what is my name?” With a smug smile she replied, “Perhaps your name is Rumpelstiltskin?” This drove the goblin crazy and he jumped in a bin!

RAP-UNZEL By Year 6SC Long ago, in a tower far far away, lived a blonde haired girl with shiny blue eyes, named Rap-Unzel. Rap-Unzel was no ordinary girl, she was born with the gift of Hip Hop. Hip Hop was in her soul and ran through her veins like a torrent of awesomeness. The young girl lived as a prisoner after being kidnaped by Mother Gothel, who was a very rotten piece of lettuce.

A short while later, still in a daze, Flynn Rapper opened his eyes. He saw the beautiful Rap-Unzel standing over him. “Please don’t hit me again”, he cried, bowing down before her. “I won’t! But on only one condition”, she demanded. “Help me escape from this tower and get me to the Hip Hop festival or else I will whack you again!”

Now this may sound like an insult, but Mother Gothel really was a very rotten piece of lettuce.

“I promise, I promise,” pleaded the injured young man, rubbing his head.

Her only way of remaining a human was by using Rap-Unzel’s magical rapping powers. Without listening to Rap-Unzel’s daily rap routines, she would turn back into mouldy lettuce.

Flynn used his magical hoverboard to get Rap-Unzel out of Mother Gothel’s tower. Like a bolt of lightning, they thundered through the open window and arrived at Raptopia, the Hip Hop festival. Rap-unzel finally felt at home, everything felt increasingly familiar. ‘Have I been here before?’ She found herself thinking.

Mother Gothel locked poor Rap-Unzel in an old, humongous, abandoned tower, that had a magical staircase activated only by the sound of Rap-Unzel’s diggity beat. However, due to a smartly constructed bomb device, Rap-Unzel herself could never go down the staircase otherwise she would explode and be obliterated into a thousand pieces. Every year on her birthday, there would be a hard core hip hop festival which she could hear from miles away. However, there was no way that Mother Gothel would ever let Rap-Unzel embark on her dream of attending…. as it would mean a return to the salad bowl for her. On the day of her 18th birthday, Rap-Unzel’s whole world was about to be turned on its head. A clever rapping thief, Flynn Rapper, was cruising the kingdom on his magical hoverboard. He heard a beautiful melodic beat emanating from the tower and immediately followed its trail. Upon entering the tower, the sneaky thief was immediately whacked by an electric baseball bat and fell unconscious to the ground.

As she glanced up at the stage, her heart looped the loop. The overhead banner displayed: ‘Now performing are The King and Queen of rap, the Rap-Unziators’. Now she understood why everything was so familiar. This is where she had been born, and these accomplished performers were her parents. And they all lived happily ever after. Apart from Mother Gothel, that is. She returned to the salad bowl and before long was no more than digested juice inside the stomach of a greedy child. THE END. Preposterous Fairytales


For the hard-working support team at Bangkok Prep. Behind the scenes, you make it work, for which we are very thankful!

Other titles by the children of Bangkok Prep:

Preposterous Fairytales



Preposterous Fairytales

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