X April/May 2011 X Issue no. 10 X Free
BANG! m a g a z i n e
THE PAIN OF THE JOY OF SEX I understand that the Mar. 2011 Book Club recommendations were probably ironic. But I would like to take this opportunity to encourage your readers to stay the hell away from The Joy of Sex, and instead read The Guide To Getting It On (Goofy Foot Press, 2009). The authors of The Guide To Getting It On acknowledge the emotional and cultural subtleties of sexuality, with sensitivity and wisdom that even exceeds that of Dan Savage. All you will find in The Joy of Sex is a description of some cheap tricks and the suggestion that you are prudish if you don’t like those tricks. Ashley Wright P.S. I should mention that the 1990s updated edition of The Joy of Sex also sucks.
5 ISSUE 10 — APRIL/MAY 2011 Wow. So, we’ve been in the publication biz for a year now. It’s been a rollercoaster ride of stops and starts so fast they kinda make you wanna throw up your french-fries all over the unsuspecting crowd below. All the while looking forward to the next sharp, exhilarating turn. We love you guys, and appreciate you coming along for the ride with us. Help us keep the ride alive. Subscribe, donate, tell a friend. And keep your balls in the park this spring
EDITOR: We thank you for your suggestion. While we are aware of the inadequacies of The Joy of Sex, the Book Club titles were not meant to be ironic. That book holds its own unique historical and entertainment value.
Bronwynn WRITE! firstname.lastname@example.org 385 W 2nd Ave B Eugene, OR 97401
ADVERTISE! email@example.com (541) 337-3926
TEAM BANG! MANAGING EDITOR. Bronwynn Manaois ART DIRECTOR. Steven Weeks SALES. Mark Sullivan CONTRIBUTORS. River Donaghey, Ben
Ficklin, Laura Lee Laroux, Josiah Mankofsky, Ryan Nyburg, James Stegall, Tim Sullivan, Jackie Varriano
AFFILIATIONS. American Mustache
Institute, British Chicken Association, Chicago Beer Society, Doodlers Anonymous, International Union of Mail Artists, Midnight Funk Association
© 2011 Bang Paper, LLC. T’ain’t no sin to take off your skin and dance around in your bones.
DON’T STO THE HIP HIP HOP. YOU HIPPIE THE HIPPIE TO !” “I SAID A HIP HOP. THE JUMPED THE BOOGIE UP SAY GIE BOO G G BAN THE ROCK IT TO THE BAN
ip-hop had been born long before the rapper Wonder Mike with The Sugar Hill Gang first laid down those famous lines in the song “Rapper’s Delight” in 1979. Even though “Rapper’s Delight” reportedly sold five million records, became a Top 40 single, and introduced the world to “rapping,” the song emphatically shut the door on what hip-hop was maturing into. When this style of music was born, it was not attempting to be a style of music of at all. Hiphop was a culture. A culture with many forms of artistic expression, not only its distinct music.
In New York in the 70s, the Bronx, was home to a neglected community. An article published in 1976 by the newspaper The Chicago Defender gives an example of the city’s disregard of the Bronx. The article states the borough’s housing status had “advanced far beyond the crisis stage.” Lawyers in the Bronx accused the city’s government of favoring Manhattan, Queens, and Harlem when allocating funds for community necessities. Social services, housing quality, fire departments, and the police force all had their funding cut drastically in the early 70s. The police experienced so many budget cuts; they lacked officers to patrol large parts of the Bronx.
With underfunded law enforcement, gangs like the Savage Nomads and the Seven Immortals were able to assert control.
In response to the growth of poverty and support. They had to consider both B-Boys Tim III (Personality Jock)” by the Fatback crime, men and women, mostly in their dancing and MCs rapping, while also pro- Band was the first rap single to be recorded, early twenties, began escaping the drain of viding music the general audience would but the obscure B-side never got much ata difficult life by throwing late night parties. enjoy. The MCs who could really spin were tention. This threat to Robinson’s dream inThese social events are where hip-hop was loved in the Bronx. In 1978, MCs Kidd spired her to quickly put together whatever birthed. This new culture loved listening to Creole, Melle Mel, Cowboy, and Scorpio rap group she could obtain. DJs spinning records and watching dancers. sang of Grandmaster Flash’s greatness in Wonder Mike, Master Gee, and Big Bank Songs like “Bongo Rock,” by the Incredible a famous live performance at the Audubon Hank made up the Sugar Hill Gang, who Bongo Band, and “Give It Up Or Turn It Ballroom. were naturally represented by Sugar Hill Loose,” by James Brown were staples in the DJ musical canon. They almost exclusively spun 70s funk and soul, with jazz and Latin records making appearances. DJs looked for music with heavy percussion and fast By the end of the 70s, the parties in the Records. They pressed their single “Raptempos, but most importantly their songs Bronx drew huge crowds. This allowed the pers Delight” in 1979. Within a few months needed a break. The break is a part in a more famous performers to require a charge it was immensely popular worldwide. “Rapsong where all instruments but the rhythm at the door. Now DJs, MCs, and B-Boys had pers Delight’s” accomplishments are imsection (along with maybe a funky trumpet their talents producing enough money that pressive, number thirty-six on the U.S. pop blast or catchy piano lick) falls out. they could completely dedicate themselves charts, number one in the Netherlands, and Breaks are what lifted and propelled the to their music. DJs made enough money to number three in the UK. Few other places fledgling hip-hop culture into something sustain themselves and feed their obsessive in the world knew of the parties and culture very unique. There was no point in the mu- quest to obtain the best and most obscure occurring in the Bronx. This was the birth sic that dancers loved more than the breaks. records. These records, spun by talented DJs of hip-hop. Break loving dancers filled up the space in and paired with the rapping MCs was the The rappers of the Sugar Hill Gang were the music with their dance moves. Popping, music the community desired. There was unknowns in the hip-hop community. The locking, freezes, corkscrews, and tons of oth- never a demand for a recorded version of closest association they had with the hip-hop er moves originated at these parties. These hip-hop from within the growing hip-hop elite was that Big Bank Hank was the bouncwere the first Break Boys (B-Boys). culture. er for the famous Grandmaster Caz. In fact, DJ Kool Herc was the first to find a way These parties are well captured in the Caz gave some of his lines to Hank to use to isolate and repeat the valuable breaks. movie Wild Style. Released in 1983 and di- in “Rappers Delight.” He never thought Using equipment that had two turntables, rected by Charlie Ahearn, it depicts hip-hop anyone would pay that much attention to Kool Herc would play a song’s break on by centering on the parties in the Bronx. recorded rap. one record while queuing up the same break Wild Style has the DJs, B-Boys, rappers, and The instrumentation in “Rappers Delight” on the next record. When the first record graffiti artists who fathered hip-hop. Wild strayed from hip-hop. The Sugar Hill Gang finished its break, DJ Kool Herc would Style provides a look into what hip-hop was did not use a DJ. Instead, they performed switch to the audio from the other record. before it known across the world. This is with the band Positive Force playing riffs Through this technique called the “Merry- hip-hop as it was born. taken from Chic’s “Goodtimes.” Robinson Go-Round” he enabled a break go on indefiIn a retrospective statement, DJ Eddie constructed a group that lacked the most vinitely, thus giving the B-Boys as much time Cheeba famously articulated the idea that tal organ of hip-hop culture. Group names, to dance as they wanted. the original hip-hop musicians never con- such as Grandmaster Flash and the Furious As B-Boy dancing became more popular, sidered pressing records. They were content Five, indicate the original importance the talented DJs became increasingly sought with the money they could make spinning DJs had. Individuals who experienced the after to provide the best-executed and most and rapping at parties. The thought that parties in the Bronx had a hard time seeing original breaks. DJs such as Grand Wizard there would be a market for this music never hip-hop in a song that lacked a DJ. Theodore and Grandmaster Flash started to occurred to the minds of the players in early Even though many of the early artists make recognizable names for themselves by hip-hop. It was an outside producer who would eventually leave the parties to record mastering the art of spinning. It was Grand- first tried to record hip-hop culture. their music, hip-hop culture was never remaster Flash who perfected Kool Herc’s Sylvia Robinson was a producer with a claimed by its inventors. Hip-hop as it lived “Merry-Go-Round” and the well-known mission. She was convinced that the first and thrived in the Bronx quickly became scratching technique. “Hip-Hop” album would be immensely overshadowed by the immense success of As hip-hop parties became locally famous, lucrative. At the same time that Flash was “Rappers Delight.” The world was introDJs and B-Boys started being accompanied spinning in the Audubon, Robinson was in duced to hip-hop as a music genre, not as by freestyling MCs who would hype up the the same city founding Sugar Hill Records, a culture. They heard hip-hop that lacked dancers and the music. Almost as soon as a label intended for producing the first re- consideration for dancing B-Boys. They they appeared on the scene, popular MCs corded hip-hop. Sylvia once approached thought hip-hop performances focused on like Grandmaster Caz became a large part Grandmaster Flash to press a record, but rappers, not the DJs who mastered the hipof the event’s draw. Their acclaim promoted he declined. Not only did he assume the hop canon and spinning techniques. Sylvia them from introducing the DJs and B-Boys product wouldn’t be successful, but rappers Robinson and “Rappers Delight” portrayed to “rapping” the entirety of the parties. The and DJs were so worried about other groups a completely different “hip-hop” than what MCs were the final ingredient; hip-hop cul- stealing their techniques they didn’t want to Kool Herc, Grandmaster Flash, and Grandture had fully matured into its identity and broadcast their music. master Caz spent years developing. Years community. Robinson even had to endure a group later, director Charlie Ahearn famously said, DJs now had two creative elements to beating her to hip-hop. The song “King “Hip-hop was dead by 1980. It’s true.”
“THE GRANDMASTER FLASH HE GOES REALLY FAST, HE MAKES SLOW THINGS A THING OF THE PAST”
THE TYPEWRITER HAS BEEN DRINKING
AN ESSAY & ART CONTEST about drinking and writing
Brought to you by: 16 Tons Bottle Shop
Judged by: Yours Truly & Boozeweek
Ruby McConnell GIRL DRINKS BEER
Ultimately, it wouldn’t matter if it was the typewriter or his suitcase that she threw out the window first. But at the time, it seemed like an important decision. She chose the typewriter, though witnesses wouldn’t recall its shattering to the ground. It was the suitcase they would remember. The suitcase, opening as it left her hands, the contents catching fire as they passed the burning curtains. She stopped short of chucking his beer. Instead, she grabbed a bottle and carried it across the street to wait for the trucks. He was right, she thought, it was damn good beer.
2 Jesse Lee SWEEPLESS
I’m constantly worried about losing where I am in time. Is today Monday or Friday? Is it time for bed or time to wake up? To fight this, I live a very structured life. I wake up at the same time every day, go through the morning routine, and head to work.
3 Alex Hammel What’s this about a poster I’m barely literate you want me to draw too? “That PeeWee Football playing pussy betrayed me!” “Jeff, the kid’s nine, he doesn’t know what betrayal is.” “But we had a real shot at the title with him. We were gonna blow the Sharks sky high! Light their tits up!” “Jeff, we can do it without Timmy.” “You’re right. Fuck that John Madden, buffalo wings eating, football playing, mother fucker we don’t need him!” Kevin looks at his son’s soccer coach with concern. “Listen, Jeff, are you going to be ok to coach this game?” Jeff pounds another Bud, and turns to his horror-struck team of nine-year-olds.
When I come home, I do my most important chore: I sweep. You see, I have all hardwood floors and you could not imagine the amount of dust that accumulates. Like a master at his craft, I sweep up all that dust and throw it in the trash. It’s so satisfying, that I have a beer when I finish and this act marks the end of my day. But after I polish off a beer, I tend to drink a few more. You see, no matter how well I sweep,
no matter how much effort I put into gathering every microscopic unit of dust, there is always a new layer waiting for me when I get home the next day. There must be something that is causing this minute, destructive wave to shake my life and cause this dust to fall on my floor. I try to bend my mind around this concept, to engulf it, but by the fifth beer sleep overtakes me and I wake up to a new day.
large-format xerox prints
A visit to 2 Towns Cider House
by JAMES STEGALL
ver vigilant for the launch of local libations, the Bang! staff was ecstatic to learn of 2 Towns Ciderhouse, located just outside Corvallis. In that humble business park we found the five sturdy fermenters and hand-built refrigeration unit that comprise the heart of their operation, busily engaged in the act of producing crisp, tasty cider.
To find a list of fine establishments that carry the Incider and Bad Apple, take a look at their website at 2townsciderhouse.com.
Only three gentlemen make the entire company: Aaron SarnoffWood, Lee Larsen, and David Tarkush. We found them fully engaged, vibrating almost, like bees, with the labor of cider making. It was a wedding that brought the idea to life, explains co-owner Aaron Sarnoff-Wood. When lifelong friend Lee Larsen tied the knot, the two produced several batches of beer and cider for the reception. The cider was a hit, eliciting long lines of friends and family, and the pair scratched their heads as to what they might do with the information. “I had been laid off,” SarnoffWood continues, “and was looking around for something to do. I wanted to start a pub, but when it came down to it, what I really wanted was to have a pub that didn’t do anything but brew beer.” “We wanted a pub with no restaurant,” Larsen agrees. “Because what we really loved was brewing, making things.” “There are also so many great beers in Oregon already,” adds David Takush, assistant brewer and newest co-owner. “You can’t throw a rock without hitting a great brewery.” With start-up funds from friends, family, and their own pockets, Sarnoff-Wood, Larsen and later Tarkush went about the long process of building the cider house and perfecting their recipes. Turning a basic warehouse space into a food-grade beverage production facility was no small task, which included building a walk-in refrigerator from scratch. While they knew they could make a great-tasting product, the path to public sipping was fraught with brambles not found in the beer and wine industry and the crew jumped countless hurdles in producing their two ciders, the 7.5% Incider and 10.5% Bad Apple.
“We’re taxed like wine but sold like beer,” Sarnoff-Wood says. The cider house doesn’t currently use a centralized distributor, so every store, restaurant and bar must be individually approached and convinced to carry the cider. This means a lot of tastings in grocery stores, especially, where shelf space is at a premium and they have to guarantee a certain sell-through. “A lot of people don’t even realize it’s alcoholic,” Larsen says. “You have to stop them before they hand it to their kids.” The team currently does all their own fermentation, filtration and filling of 22 ounce bottles, half- and regular-sized kegs. They also perform 75% of the distribution, which means many miles driven delivering to stores and bars in the Eugene, Springfield and Corvallis area. As a small buyer of apple products, with a goal of sourcing their apples in the Northwest, they also found themselves at the bottom of the list in securing fruit. Even when checks were cashed, the supplier sometimes didn’t come through. The final product, however, has been worth the travails. Each cider is crisp and semi-sweet, with the faintest hint of the yeast that brought it to life. Many other commercial ciders, Larsen explains, are produced from a mixture of apple juice, alcohol and high fructose corn syrup—one reason so much of the public associates hard cider with an overly sweet drink completely separate of beer. These craft touches provide a complexity and smoothness more aligned with great beer than the Zima-like products found at prom. “In the U.K., every pub has its own cider on draught,” says Tarkush, “sometimes several. They’re not overly sweet and it’s 8
something you can enjoy just like you would a lager.” “We wanted to be in the middle,” Sarnoff-Wood adds. “We’re not super sweet, but we’re not super dry, either.” He explains that many of the European ciders tend to sell in the smaller 350ml bottles, and are so dry they can only be enjoyed as a digestif. Their goal to sell in standard 22 ounce beer bottles is also one of their core values. “It’s totally accessible,” Sarnoff-Wood says. “It’s a craft cider that anyone can afford and enjoy.” Prior to prohibition, Tarkush explains, practically every farm in the U.S. with an orchard made cider of some kind. Many of the original commercial apple orchards in the Northwest were producing fruit for cider. That changed during the first part of the century, and the public’s tastes changed with it. When prohibition ended, many of those producers abandoned hard cider. “Cider was a people’s drink,” Larsen says. “Everyone enjoyed it. It was just a part of everyday life. We want to get it back there.” In addition to their initial two offerings, the crew has many plans for fortified and casked ciders that explore the artisanal possibilities of cider. “We’re really excited about the craft part of it,” Tarkush says. “Once we get the word out that we’re working on things like this, we think there’s going to be a lot of interest. Especially since craft beer has been moving in that direction for the last few years.” In the year and a half that the cider house has been producing, despite bumps in the road, the crew has been consistently exceeding their goals. They attribute their success to the long hours at the cider house, regularly working till two in the morning after a full day at regular jobs, and driving many miles adding accounts and offering tastings. “If we can get people to try it,” Sarnoff-Wood says, “we know they’ll love it.”
FOUNDERS Aaron Sarnoff-Wood,
Lee Larsen, and David Tarkush
Drop the iPod:Record
Store Day! (cart)
by JACKIE VARRIANO
ou wake up Saturday morning, April 16 and wonder how to spend your day. If you are a music lover, vinyl connoisseur, or a concert junkie, April 16 isn’t just any old Saturday. No it’s not Rex Manning day—but close. This year, April 16 is RECORD STORE DAY! Founded in 1997, RSD is intended as “a celebration of the unique culture surrounding over seven-hundred independently owned record stores in the USA, and hundreds of similar stores internationally.” So what’s in store for this momentous occasion in the Eugene area?
OH PLEASE, BANH ME! by JACKIE VARRIANO
(food article) Bryson Fairlamb starts his day having coffee with his wife. He takes their two golden retrievers to romp in South Eugene, and fixes eggs from his own chickens for breakfast. He reads the funnies and sports page and listens to the Dan Patrick show, then heads to work. He unlocks the door to his business, hoists up the awnings, turns on the flat top griddle and gets to chopping. He mixes hoisin glaze, pickles carrots, slices cucumbers, and whips up a Vietnamese table sauce of sugar, fish sauce, and chilies. Fairlamb is a restaurateur, and a very specialized one at that; he owns Saigon Street Cart, creator of the famed banh mi sandwich and food cart resident of the Whiteaker Neighborhood. Since January, Fairlamb has been pressing his unique Southeastern Asian-inspired sandwiches come rain or shine in a clean gravel lot across the street from the Ninkasi Brewery. With a long career of working in and opening restaurants, it was time for him to have something of his own and along with it, freedom. “One of my philosophies was focusing on one thing and doing only one thing,” said Fairlamb. “And that’s why I wanted to do banh mi – and that’s all I ever want to do. I don’t want to do other items… I want to do one thing and do it right.” Speaking of doing things right, Fairlamb’s one smart cookie. He enlisted the help of Kari Johnson, a muralist synonymous with the neighborhood, to trick out the cart in bamboo and a stylish image of Vietnam’s beautiful Ha Long Bay; he sources local meats and veggies, doing his shopping at local Asian markets, meat markets, and groceries; and makes just about everything from scratch, even leaving his pork to roast overnight in the cart. “I make everything but the bread,” said Fairlamb. “And the chips; Tim takes care of that.” Opening during the winter months has
267 Van Buren St. Eugene, OR OPEN Tues-Fri 12-3pm Sat 12-5pm
had its ups and downs; on the plus side it has given Fairlamb the chance to get his feet wet and turn Saigon Street Cart into a well-oiled machine. On the down side of things, dreary days can make for seemingly endless hours, and although he says foot traffic has been high, and he’s been developing a small following, there can be days where only five sandwiches are made. “On a good day, [I will make] about 30 sandwiches… I’ve had days where I’ve only done five to 10,” said Fairlamb. He then laughed and said he can keep himself occupied. “I bring a book, play cards on my phone, social network, tweet.” But with warmer days right around the bend, Fairlamb not only will be expanding his hours (currently he’s open from noon3pm) with the lengthening daylight, but is prepared for lines and high demand. If you’ve tasted one of his sandwiches, you should be prepared for a line as well. He fixes me up a Deli Special; grilled pork with hoisin sauce, ham, and his special country paté, and layers on pickled carrots, daikon radishes, jalapeños, cucumber, and cilantro, drizzles on the Japanese Mayo and neatly wraps it all up. I’m in love at first bite. The bread is crunchy on the outside, pleasantly chewy on the in, slivers of jalapeño spice up alternate bites accordingly, and the richness of the paté compliments the grilled pork perfectly. At a mere six dollars, the Deli Special is a meal that leaves both your stomach and your wallet full. Saigon also serves lemongrass chicken and a killer mushroom paté with grilled soy meat. Give your palate an education and head down to Saigon Street Cart. You and your taste buds will be charmed by Fairlamb with enough time to stop by Ninkasi before your lunch break is over. Follow the chef on Twitter at saigonstreet for specials (like fried spam banh mi) late night outings (Friday Artwalks, Ninkasi events, and more) and updates on spring hours.
The West 11th locale has been participating in Record Store Day since the beginning. Known around town for hosting in-store performances on the regular, according to store manager Will Kennedy, participating in RSD has always been a success. “The first year it seemed a no-brainer. Any publicity and help we can get these days is welcome. It’s a wellcoordinated national event with lots of support from the industry, which is important.” The event, likened by Kennedy to “Christmas in April” draws big names. Last year CD World hosted Pixie’s front man Frank Black and punk goddess Exene Cervenka. RSD v2011 at CD World brings with it the promise of live artist appearances including Danny Barnes strummin’ on his old banjo before his show at the WOW Hall, DJs all day, and much more. INFO: 3215 W 11 Ave #B, (541) 683-6902, gotocdworld.com
HOUSE OF RECORDS
Crammed wall to wall with music for every ear, House of Records plans to carry as many RSD releases as they are able. Unfortunately, no further festivities are planned for the shop, open since 1971. They claim they really don’t have the space for live music. INFO: 258 East 13 Ave, (541) 342-7975, myspace.com/the_house_of_records
Owner Ben Terrell and his crew have been participating in RSD for a few years, but according to Terrell “This is the year we’ve been the most organized.” Smaller stores like CD/Game Exchange don’t have the same buying power as larger independent stores, and often can miss out on some of the limited releases. Due to store size there won’t be live music, but Terrell promises plenty to do. He has releases directly from DJ Shadow, Light in the Attic Records, and Sub Pop. There will also be limited edition silk- screen posters, books, and goodies galore. INFO: 30 East 11 Ave, (541) 302-3045, cdgmexeug.com
A GUIDE TO RECORD STORE DAY RELEASES (FROM RECORDSTOREDAY.COM)
Record store day releases: These are titles that are only being released for this day. These are true Record Store Day Exclusives. Windowed releases: These are titles that will only be available in record stores on Record Store Day, but will someday be available to other retailers down the line. Regional/Small Run Releases: These are titles that are being released only to a certain
region of stores, or have such a small run or distribution that the majority of participating stores will not have access to them. Limited edition: A lot of these titles have limited runs. You may not get your hands on all the pieces you want. Your STORE may not get their hands on all the pieces they want. That’s the nature of limited releases. But that’s what makes them so exciting!
NEWS YOU CAN EAT
MEDLEY OF GRRRLZ THE DANCE FACTORY SHAELIN OLTIN FREE PILE SIRKUS SAVANNA COEN GRACE MITCHELL THE SUBPILOTS FIVEBYFIVE DEMIMONDE SLUMBERPARTY
COZMIC PIZZA SUNDAY,APRIL 17 3-11PM
$3-5 DONATION ALL AGES.ART SHOW.DOOR PRIZES.CD COMPILATION PROJECT.
cated The Trun th on BANG! M in Review
pizza pub in Australia put up for auction a three-cheese pizza that was said to feature the image of our divine Lord and savior Jesus Christ, lending new credence to the biblical claim that He is the "bread of life." But with all the hunger and violence around the world, it seems a bit superfluous that Christ is hanging out in Australian pizza joints, but who are we to question His mysterious ways? McDonald's announced the hiring of 50,000 new workers after proﬁts soared in the years since the recession began. Expert economists noted that thousands of low-paying jobs that don't offer beneﬁts and hardly allow for any hope of real upward mobility is the only way to get the economy back on track. Jan Fields, president of McDonald's USA, said that she was "excited" to be able to offer these new jobs, noting that it's only a matter of time before all the remaining good jobs in America are shipped off to countries that are actually ready to support a 21st century workforce.
The National Pork Board announced the adoption of a new slogan, eﬀectively dropping the old tagline "The Other White Meat" in favor of the vague and confusing "Be Inspired." Cited as an attempt to create a stronger, emotional connection between pork eaters and their cloven-hoofed culinary choice, the change was prompted by an outcry from pig farmers nationwide, who feared that without a catchy ad campaign, consumers would start to question why on earth they'd want to ingest something that rolls around in its own shit, spreads disease, and eats its own kind.
Eugene’s Local Vodka www.hardtimes distillery.com tours by appt. (541)357-8808 11
The Flag and You
A Helpful Guide For Beginning Liberators by River Donaghey steven weeks
DISCLAIMER: Stealing flags is illegal and meant as satire. Neither the author nor the fine publication in which this article is printed promotes the act of liberating flags. They also do not wish to inspire young adults to “run the fuck away” or “drive the fuck away” while in possession of a pair of scissors and a large hunting or Bowie knife. Everyone knows running with scissors is a bad choice.
n this day and age, teens and young adults are losing the wholesome morals of previous generations. There was a time when every young boy would spend his summer afternoons working under the hood of his fire red jalopy. Later, he would head inside for a home cooked meal and fall
asleep, full and tired, under the watchful gaze of the old Stars and Stripes. Kids today barely know their way around an engine or have time to sit down for a family meal, let alone have an American flag all their own. It is important in the growth of all healthy teenagers to have
their own personal flag, just as it is important for a young boy to raise a pet so he can learn maturity and responsibility. Like the Jewish Bar Mitzvah and the Quinceañera, owning an American flag and, more importantly, acquiring your flag, is an age-old initiation from Youth into Adulthood.
LIBERATING A FLAG
Note: Parents, the following is a handy guide which can be cut out and given to any young teen!
PREPARATION Proper tools for the liberation process: —Pocket knife (A hunting or Bowie knife will also do. Extra points if the knife was handed down from father to son upon the son reaching a certain age!) —Pliers —Scissors (optional, if you would rather not cut fabric using your knife) —Ingenuity (this can always help in a pinch!)
Step One Flags are abundant in areas that contain the following types of people: CAUCASIAN ELDERLY CONSERVATIVE
Somehow, the American flag has been coopted by the rich, old, Republican types! Young liberals sneer at American flag tee shirts or bumper stickers. And once these kids turn against the flag, they begin to turn against their country, too. We can’t have that, now can we? The flag is a symbol and the symbol must represent the Youth. It is time for American Youth to take back this powerful symbol. To quite literally take it back. So pull on a ski mask, wait until sunset, and let’s get liberating!
Step Two The Act of Liberation
A typical American flag is 3’ by 5’ and has two metal eyelets in the corners for hanging. Flags are primarily hung three different ways: 1) Hung on two nails with the stripes perpendicular to the ground. This is the easiest flag to liberate—just walk up and take it down! Caution: nail-hung flags usually reside near the entrance of a house, sometimes requiring the liberator to walk up onto the porch. Be sure to tread lightly and attempt your liberation once the household is asleep! 2) Hung on a short flag-pole at a 45-degree angle from the ground. These flags are normally attached one of two ways. a. The flag has extra fabric sewn into a long opening for the pole to fit through. At the flag pole’s top is usually a plastic eagle, screwed in to keep the flag secured. These eagles are easy to unscrew and then the flag can be slipped off. The eagle itself makes a great souvenir and stocking-stuffer!
Step Three Upon completing your flag liberation, a successful exit is in order. You can do this two ways: RUN THE FUCK AWAY DRIVE THE FUCK AWAY
Both work well when done correctly. Be sure not to dilly-dally. White, conservative senior citizens may feel that the U.S. Constitution is malleable when it comes to free speech, immigration, and personal rights, but they live and die by the second amendment!
b. Alternately, the flag has hard plastic screws going from the pole through the flag’s eyelets. These are almost impossible to unscrew by hand. Use your pliers to get more leverage. If pliers don’t work, you can always resort to cutting the flag around the eyelets. This leaves your flag with snipped corners, but that is alright. A prominently displayed flag without corners is a surefire conversation starter.
Step Four Enjoy Your Accomplishment
Congratulations! You have successfully liberated your first American flag. Remember: the flag is just a symbol. You are doing your part to reclaim this symbol for forward-thinking young adults. Enjoy your newfound Manhood!
3) The final way a flag will commonly be displayed is on a flag-pole, flying high above your head. These flag poles are reserved for big-time Neo-Cons and businesses. Take special caution scouting these flags and attempting liberation. These flags require special tools such as an extension ladder, wire cutters, and perhaps an orange reflective vest to look official. If any of you attempt this type of liberation, be sure to write us with your story and any tips you may have for the rest of us. 13
A Cinematic Encyclopedia of Films That Don’t Suck by Ryan Nyburg
f you’re like me, there is no more boring activity than reading fawning, cocksuckingly loquacious reviews for new films the reviewer watched once and took notes through most of. Or listening to some stodgy cinematic historian recount once again the endless virtues of an over-recognized classic. Or some piddling twat on the internet making endless reference to fond childhood favorites that have not been viewed in a decade and that now exist in the same hazy part of the brain reserved for the memories of warm summer days, pick-up basketball games with friends and discovering the joys of youthful masturbation. To clarify: No movies released in the last couple years. No standard classics (maybe you’ve seen these, maybe you haven’t, but none of them will show up in a film history textbook). No childhood favorites unless they’ve held up under a more critical adult eye (not to ruin anyone’s childhood, but The Goonies would have been a lot more interesting if those kids had just starved to death in the bottom of a dry well). For convenience sake, the below selections are organized by vague genres assigned by my sense of whimsy.
So here are some movies I like:
Japanese Manly Badass Action I tend to avoid most action movies made in the last decade. They all look like they were edited by someone with a crippling aversion to coherence. So for this particular form of entertainment, I prefer old samurai movies. The Lone Wolf and Cub series (1972-74), Samurai Assassin (1965), Lady Snowblood (1973), Kill! (1968), and Yojimbo (1961). These films usually take their time, work slowly and give you a good idea of what’s happening. Something along the lines of, “wow, look at the shadows of the cherry trees dancing over the rocks in that rippling creek, what excellent cinematography HOLY FUCK THEY JUST CUT OFF THAT GUY’S HEAD! JESUS, THE BLOOD!”
Also in this genre we have two masters of totally psychotic, meaningless violence. The first is actor Sonny Chiba, who brought us The Streetfighter in 1974 and Karate Bullfighter in 1977. You read that latter title right. It has a scene where he karate chops a bull in the face. It’s a scene so manly you grow a beard just watching it, and I’m pretty sure Chiba could get a woman pregnant just by looking at her hard and grunting. The second master is director Seijun Suzuki. He was a studio hack through much of the 1960s, directing B-movie gangster films based on scripts assigned to him by studio higher-ups. Things didn’t go quite according to plan though, and he used the fact that 14
no one was really paying attention to what he did to make some really bent, nearly surrealist works. Suzuki directed gangster movies the way Van Gogh painted sunflowers: lots of bright colors and everything blown way out of proportion. Tokyo Drifter (1966) is my favorite, full of garish coloring, strange behavior and a plot that’s on poor terms with reality and logical sense. The black and white Branded to Kill (1967) is his recognized classic, and his most warped vision from the time. Now freed from studio restriction, Suzuki is still making movies, though I haven’t caught up with his recent stuff yet.
My Kind of Art House
Rambling, Borderline Psychotic Comedy I could go back to the Marx Bros. here, but everyone gets to them eventually, so I’ll take the time to do a call out for more W.C. Fields appreciation. If you don’t know who that is, you’ll probably know when you see and hear him. His personality is ingrained deep in cultural unconsciousness. He was a drunk, a liar, told exaggerated stories, was mean to children and dogs and came across wealth with an ease that would make saints green with envy. And I’m not even talking about his films yet. My personal favorite is The Bank Dick (1940), where Fields plays an unemployed, drunken waste of human life whose family openly despises him. He tells tall tales in bars and ends up directing a movie. He accidentally falls on top of an unconscious man and is rewarded because the man just robbed a bank and everyone thinks Fields caught him. He plows through the movie with no regard for anyone’s interests but his own, drinks, gambles, smokes and lies and in the end ends up wealthy and respected. The humor is corny and the jokes are sometimes awful, but Fields is an affable juggernaut throughout. Truly a hero for our times. Moving forward, another favorite is The Ladykillers (1955). The Coen Brothers remade this in 2004, to little effect, but the original is the one to see. A criminal mastermind (Alec Guinness, never more unhinged) gathers other criminals together in a rented room run by a delightful old English widow. They plot to and succeed in robbing an armored car and use the unassuming landlady as a front for their schemes. Things go astray when she discovers what they’re up to and the gang plots to bump her off. The whole film is shot like a cheerful English character comedy laid over some pretty dark material. It came out of Ealing Studios, which had a whole string of great comedies through the 1940s and 50s, of which this is one of the last. Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) is another from them, a murder comedy with a deeply morbid sense of humor. Another English comedy I think needs more recognition is The Ruling Class (1972), a two-anda-half-hour opus that tells the story of an insane young man (Peter O’Toole, a pure force of nature here in one of his best roles) who thinks he’s Jesus and who has just become an Earl after his father’s death. His family’s attempts to cure him of his delusion work a little too well as he goes from thinking he’s Jesus to thinking he’s Jack the Ripper. Oddly, extolling the virtues of tradition and morality while being a murderer are more respectable than preaching peace and love. This is an early one from director Peter Medak, who also directed one of my favorite haunted house movies, 1980s rain-soaked The Changeling, with George C. Scott. 15
Those classic dramatic films where directors expressed their more interesting thoughts and visions on the screen. I can’t write this article without mentioning Luis Bunuel, the surrealist comic mastermind who broke how I watched movies. Finding The Exterminating Angel (1962) on VHS at a video store when I was in high school was like finding some ancient religious document that changed the way I viewed the world. It doesn’t have the same power for me now as it did then, but it’s still a remarkable piece of work. It’s a movie about the attendees of an upper class dinner party who find they can’t leave the lounge they’ve entered. No one else can enter the house and stays well back from it. There is nothing causing this, no reason for them not to leave, but they just can’t make themselves do it. Subsequently, they stay there for days, then weeks, their ideas of themselves collapsing, civilization pulling away from them like a broken mask as they must stay in each others company much longer than expected. Bunuel’s The Phantom of Liberty (1974), with its plotless movement from one character to another, is also a favorite. Another director in the cinematic pavilion of my mind is Guy Maddin. His films are like lost silent classics, heavily informed by what are now primitive cinematic techniques. “Hypnotic” is not a word I throw around often, but his best work qualifies. Brand Upon the Brain! (2006) and The Saddest Music in the World (2003) are both worth checking out. And last but not least, we have director Peter Greenaway. His The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (1989) is a story of crime and passion told in bold strokes, full of obvious conceits (watch how actress Helen Mirren’s dress changes to match the color scheme of any room she’s in), disturbing violence and dark comedy. His earlier The Draughtsman’s Contract (1982) is a similar tale that feels more like Jane Austen the morning after an absinthe binge, when she’s feeling all cranky and offensive. To summarize: I want movies that say something, or at least say nothing in an interesting way. I’ve seen the cliches, I’ve seen classic comedies everyone copies over and over. I know the basic routines. If you’re going to do something that’s been done before, at least have the respect to do it well. Otherwise give me a new vision. Or a spectacle that doesn’t insult my intelligence. Or just shut the fuck up. Here are some other movies I love but didn’t have room to write more extensively on: The Naked Prey (1966), Alphaville (1965), Dark City (1998), Rivers and Tides (2001), Re-Animator (1985), Playtime (1967), Fitzcarraldo (1982), The Island of Lost Souls (1932), The Man Without a Past (2002), The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933), The Curse of the Cat People (1944), My Man Godfrey (1936), Phantasm (1979), Badlands (1973) The Hospital (1971) Being There (1979) Delicatessen (1991) Shock Corridor (1963) The Brood (1979).
TACOCAT live in Eugene April 8 FRED CRAFTS
RADIO REDUX Here’s Looking At You, Kid
S “My vagina is defective, my vagina is infected! I thought I had to pee but that was a lie!” steven weeks
The band that’s more than just feline-filled Mexican food
s soon as they pulled into town they had to unload their equipment, as soon as they unloaded their equipment they had to play, after they played they loaded their van and drove north to Portland. Every night of the last sixteen days has been similar for the four members of Tacocat: rock out a show and then on to the next town. Tacocat is a garagey, dancey, punky, grrly, product of Seattle that fucking knows how to move a crowd. They perform two-minute songs about urinary track infections, living in a basement, Kevin Costner’s character in Water World, pulling Adderall all-nighters, and having an ex-con for a mother. Their palindrome name stuck because they were told it sounded like what an eight-year-old would call a band. Bill Cosby’s sweaters don’t have as much personality as Tacocat does. Out of all the bands trying to appeal to the younger, hipper, brightly colored concert scene, Tacocat has found a way to distinguish itself with a combination of enthusiasm and originality that so many groups lack. When Tacocat played Eugene April 8th, aside from the organizers, nobody at the show had ever heard of the group. But even before their first song they drew everyone’s attention, lead singer and kazoo expert Emily Nokes yelled for the crowd to gather in as close to the stage as possible. They set out on a confident set that charmed everyone, and nobody was immune to the energy Tacocat charged into their songs. After their set had blurred by in a mess of dancing, shouts, and songs about marshmallow peeps, Tacocat earned the spot of being the talk of the evening. Kids who had shown up for the show’s other bands wanted to know where Tacocat had come from and when they would be playing another show. As fun as their recorded album, Shame Spiral, is, there is no way to capture the level of awesome they achieve during a show. Go see these guys. Tacocat returned to the Emerald City following a busy tour. Little rest is in store for this group, as they get ready to go on a nationwide tour, something they have already accomplished twice in their career. Drummer Lelah Maupin showed no regrets regarding the intensive schedule, she said the band is like a family and they love the adventure of going on tour. Expect them to be on the road again sometime in June. BEN FICKLIN
teven and I got dressed up in our best WW2-era duds and stepped on out to watch Fred Crafts’ Radio Redux production of Casablanca in early March at the Wildish Theatre in Springfield. Although we were a part of the handful of non-gray haired patrons, we settled in to the comfortable, relatively full theatre ready to “watch with our ears.” Fred Crafts’ voice was exactly as it should have been—the quintessential radio announcer. We liked the make your own movie vibe, but were nonplussed that a recreation of a radio show wasn’t ACTUALLY BEING BROADCAST ON THE RADIO! Also on the bummer list was NO LIVE SOUND EFFECTS! Maybe we are sticklers for the classics. Maybe there are technical aspects involved that would render our complaints useless. No clue. We just know what we like. Overall, the show was entertaining. The actors’ voices were great, and we were transported far away from Main Street in Springfield, OR, to the sultry Mediterranean town of Casablanca. The pianist was believable. The heartbreak was palpable. Pretty good stuff for these parts. Radio Redux is performing Robin Hood April 29-May 2. Young people should go. It’s important to see how things used to work, like a live radio show. Maybe there will be men in tights. Hell, maybe they will get the message and it will actually be a live radio show. Like it should be. Sticklers, we know. BRONWYNN MANAOIS
NEW YORK CITY according to photographer Devika Bakshi firstname.lastname@example.org
errible, terrible, lovely place. Bakshi’s photographs are agreeable. More to come in following issues.
TacocaT tacocatdotcom.com dontstopbelievin.net
WANDERING GOAT — 268 MADISON — EUGENE — wanderinggoat.com —
EVENTS CALENDAR — APRIL — thursday 7 p m
MARTINI AND JAMES
15 fr iday 8pm
Hand Gesture, Zyv & Co. sat ur day 9p m
17 sunday 11am
Gypsy Jazz Trio thursday 7 p m
“Rime of the Ancient Mariner” recitation, open poetry mic, and Bob Welch
22 fr iday 8pm ISAAC PIERCE sat ur day 8p m
Elle Niño, Jultopia, Pocket Hercules
OPEN on EASTER! w ednesday 8p m
sat ur day 9p m
READY STEADY SOUL CLUB
29 fr iday 8pm Scrambled Ape TADOMA, Secret Whistle
*e ve r y t uesday 7pm
GYPSY JAZZ JAM 17
The Makings of a Fashion Show by Bronwynn Manaois
MODELS Korbi Kay Blanchard, Quasei Fannin, Alex Kihn-Stang, Jacki Hartman HAIR Imagine Salon - (541) 431-1717 MAKEUP Roxy - Mica Mica Makeup Artistry PHOTOGRAPHY Glen Waddell - www.glenwaddell.com STYLING/PRODUCTION Laura Lee Laroux - The Redoux Parlour
here is no pattern designers Mitra Chester and Lauralee Laroux had to follow. This year’s Eugene Fashion Week is constructed like any one of the seamstresses’ pieces, from the sewing room floor. Chester, of Deluxe/Kitsch, and Laroux, of the Redoux Parlour, have rebranded the Eugene fashion scene, and this year’s event will put the town in the same league as big-city shows. The locally-run, locally-supported and locally-designed angle reflects the community spirit Eugene fosters, but the weeklong schedule of events has a wider appeal. This change in the lineup as the show comes up to its fifth year running is due to space (they outgrew the fairgrounds), interest (some folks want to just see a portion of the show), and making sure the designers, hair and make-up artists get more individualized attention. Starting April 22 at Agate Hall on the U of O campus and wrapping up May 1 at Cozmic Pizza for an all-ages venue with vending, there is something for everyone, and people can pick and choose the shows they want to see. The gals are happy to work with people who have sincere interest and passion, and want to help the talented artists bridge the gap to make a living from their art. Laroux feels Eugene is the right place for fashion, because we “have more talent per capita than say, Portland. Authenticity is lost there, it becomes more of a ‘fad.’” Tickets are on sale at the ladies’ stores, and will be available at the door at each event. Some of the events will have limited capacities, so get yours now, and help prove our town has style.
FASHION WEEK SCHEDULE APRIL 22 Agate Hall Ecowear MUSIC Adventure Galley International Dancers APRIL 23 Opus VII Ready to Wear MUSIC Mood Area 52 APRIL 29 Cowfish Clubwear MUSIC DJs APRIL 30 Oak St. Speakeasy Avant Garde MUSIC Children of Dischord Luminessah dancers MAY 1 Cozmic Pizza All ages Kid’s fashion show, vending MUSIC Rock N Roll Damnation, Franzia, youth performances
Rebecca Fisher has created a line of functional, vintage-inspired work wear made locally. (model: Jacki)
Mitra Chester has created an all Black and White collection for Spring 2011. She explores the dichotomy between black and white objective reality and takes inspiration from strong female characters throughout history. This outfit was inspired by Shinobi Fuku. (model: Quasei)
Uses “ecologically sound fibers” such as eco-fleece, and organic cotton to create this ultra-wearable clothing line. Owner, Mira Fannin, recently branched out into footwear and just released her first shoe collection. (model:Jacki)
Minimalistic and raw designs made by Danish born and raised designer, Malene Soendergaard Jensen. This collection offers clothing with a classy edge in Eugene’s favorite color palette, grey and black. (model: Alex)
Michelle Mandera has been studying fashion design at LCC and continues to expand her clothing line. Expect to find bustles of lace, ruffles and chains in her spring collection. (model: Korbi)
RHI Rhiannon Dark makes clothes and masks for musicians and performers. This collection is inspired by C-Sections and birth. She also uses subconscious symbolism in her designs. (model:Quasei)
time we defended the defenseless daffodils, the tender tulips, the hectored hyacinth, and the rest of their frail floral friends?
Cancer June 21–July 22:
Aries Mar. 21–Apr. 19:
Questions? Conflicts? WRITE
If you’re really desperate for a dollar or two today, you can sell off that last gasp of humanity, that tiny, shrinking scrap of yourself that’s been sapped so well already. Commodify that clasp of body and mind, the soul. Offer it up for auction on eBay or contract a consumer on craigslist. The rest of you is already converted into commodities anyway. May as well sell off all your economically effectual items while they’re worth some cents. Make hay while the sun shines.
Taurus Apr. 20–May 20:
Spring is not as spritely as it will be in May so it’s up to you to put the pop into its step in the inbetween. Dress up for it. Drench yourself in pastel paisleys. Look like you’re positively crawling with eukaryotes or some such biological building block. Spring loves that shit, life mimicking life. Together, we can help seduce it back from its slumbering sabbatical.
Gemini May 21–June 20:
There’s a lot of loving in the air just drifting along trying to go from stamens to pistils right now. Most pollen perseveres but some is abducted by your nostrils and tickles those whiffer whiskers instead of fertilizing flowers. Nations of noses decimate flower populations every spring. Isn’t it
There are plenty of pithy little sayings about. Cute and clever little things that sound so nice and tidy, so smart and sincere that they just must be true. It’s about good goddamned time you got in on the action. Author your own adages. Get yourself a dictionary, a thesaurus, a pencil, some paper and something to help you escape your inhibition. Then pen your own precepts and have them made into t-shirts.
Leo July 23–Aug. 22:
Today, everything is all about the new, new and the latest, latest. You should say fuck you to the next thing for a change. Go after the old instead. Shop at garage, yard and estate sales, and don’t worry about giving the used undies, toothbrushes and enema tools a good washing before using them. Whatever remnants of the past still linger on them are chicken soup for the soul. Good luck!
Virgo Aug. 23–Sept. 22:
You might be trying to get pregnant this spring. Here’s how to get fertile. Start by putting your hand on your chest and finding where your heart is. Feel for that banging bio-beat. It should be slumping at a solid 4/4 with a couple of hiccups a minute for accentuation. Press a mic to your mammary metronome, record and loop it, and then let the beat build and build and build. Get with that rhythm. Engage in impassioned coital copulation to it,
PUZZLEtime SUPER MAZE NO. 2
Instructions Start in the center and find your way to the exit.
PUZZLE BY DAVE PHILLIPS
and you should be all set.
Libra Sept. 23–Oct. 22:
There’s not enough color around right now, even with spring supposedly here. This month, get the largest, most diverse collection of permanent pens you can put your hands on, then tape them to your digits and be really hands-on with everything. Place your pens on everything you can. Splash that color about liberally. You should probably also wear running shoes to help you make a swifter escape because some clinched reactionary rectums call what you’re doing vandalism.
Scorpio Oct. 23–Nov. 21:
It’s been too, too long since you last sat out and waited just for the stars to flirt with you. Get all gussied up in your cutest clothes and go tonight to make eyes at them. Throw some winks and coy glances their way. Seduce it up. Make those stars want to come home with you before the night is over. Start a whirlwind romance with those twinkling tender-hearts.
Sagittarius Nov. 22 – Dec. 21:
The gal/guy in front of the local grocery store cadging cans from passers by isn’t just some bum on a booze or looking to re-saddle one. S/he is an environmentalist living the fight more raw-boned than Al Gore, Richard Branson and Daryl Hannah together on the side of a highway picking up trash with garbage tongs. Give them your bottles and cans, and thank them for their service.
Capricorn Dec. 22–Jan. 19:
Spring is an excellent time to start a new hobby. Pick up fire
dancing. All you need is a campfire and a long stick. Shit, a couple of sparklers are sufficient. Get those things ablaze and prance about, spell your name out or just scribble. Try writing semi-smart, snarky horoscopes/advice columns. It only takes a thesaurus, an imagination on the blink and a modicum of conceit. The point is: Try something new this year.
Aquarius Jan. 20–Feb. 18:
It’s good to remember we’re all just specks on a rock hurtling through space getting our hair blown back at a cool 1,125mph and 67,500mph and 562,500mph and no one’s got so much as their seatbelt buckled. You don’t have to leave your couch to be a thrill-seeker. You’re living on the edge just being alive. Nevertheless, find something that makes you feel truly insignificant and do that. Hang-glide over an airport. Go deep sea diving with only a full plastic bag for air. Steal golf balls from a driving range with only your guile and bare flesh to protect you.
Pisces Feb.19–Mar. 20:
Your cerebral chatter can be simply deafening. It starts even before you open your eyes in the morning and prattles on into the night even after you’ve closed your eyes. Kill the cacophony for a minute or two this month. Meditate. Do something until everything else falls out. Read, dance, sing, write, run, ride, stare blankly at a black wall, beat yourself in the head with a whiffleball bat, chug a frozen beverage, whatever. Do what it takes to quiet that cranial clamor for just a minute.
photography by steven weeks
Published on Apr 12, 2011