For children ages 6-12
Hillary will teach you, based on firsthand experience, how to blame everyone but yourself for a loss
Course comes with complete easy-to-use checklist of reasons you may have lost: Misogyny Clintonaphobia Xenophobia Clydastophia Владимир Путин не любит меня Pantssuitophobic (Attend course for full checklist which includes another 97 phobias and labels)
FEBRUARY 22, 2018
Learn tips on how to deal with losing from the world’s most famous, well, loser.
THE BALTIMORE JEWISH HOME
Hillary Clinton Little League
Bonus: How to write a book and sell at least 3 copies!
Learn how to spin a story that the umpire was a Russian agent and your opponent collided with him/her/it.
Cost: $1,000, plus $500 donation to the Clinton Global Initiative, $600 to Haiti, $900 to Hurricane Irene victims, and $400 to a Hurricane Bill victim named Hillary
(Disclaimer: For accounting purposes only – All tax receipts will indicate that money went straight to Clinton family bank account. If you choose to write it off and are charged with fraud by the IRS, Bill Clinton may, but is not required to, fly to a tarmac and talk to the attorney general about his grandchildren for 39 minutes on your behalf.)
Call in the next 5 minutes and get $100 off! (800) IH8-TRUMP
B A LT I M O R E J E W I S H H O M E . C O M
Forest survival tools: when you spend weeks walking aimlessly in the forest after a loss, be equipped to deal with the elements. (Example: it’s helpful to have two Secret Service agents, a makeup artist, stylist, Huma, and an official photographer on your solo excursions.)
Picture posing techniques: Learn how to take pictures and selfies looking happy as a canary so that you appear to be over your loss.
Baltimore Jewish Home - 2-22-18