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We’re on a cliff overlooking Uluwatu at sunset. Mega, one of the island’s top shredders and a Balinese priest in-training, agreed to perform the ceremony. It’s his first wedding and he looks more nervous than the bride and groom. But Mega handles under pressure (he won the Padang Cup yesterday) and keeps it short and sweet. Christian says, “I do.” Chhum says, “Fuck yeah!” And then they make out like two kids peaking on Ecstasy at senior prom. The Technicolor sun dips into a purple Indian Ocean and the dance party begins.


Christian and Chhum walk out to the edge of the cliff to set a Roman Candle off over the ocean. Rizal brought the fireworks. They were left over from New Year’s Eve 2002, he said. Christian lights one and points it out to sea. Nothing. Maybe they’re too old? Boom! The thing explodes in Christian’s hand and falls to the lawn, spinning out of control and sending blasts of fire back into the crowd and the neighboring villas. Everyone hits the deck screaming until the rogue firework has exhausted itself. We’re all ok. Laughter all around. It was a beautiful ceremony. The marriage won’t be legal back in California, but who cares? The kids are in love – and the neighbors’ living room may be on fire. //

That was a fun wedding.

Kinda random, right? The wedding was an eclectic group of people. It’s cool though. I like random. Greyson’s stepmom is ten months older than him (laughs). Do they get along?

Have you ever made art?

was Tina Turner.

Oh, I got my point across.

Is this before or after Ike?

What’s one thing that no one knows about you?

After Ike. But I used to listen to Ike and Tina.

I’d say my life’s been kind of an open book. I don’t know, I saw a Frankie Goes to Hollywood concert, the “Relax Tour” when I was 12 with my parents. Also saw Talking Heads, “Speaking in Tongues.” That was pretty sick. But how ‘bout this: that same year, The Pointer Sisters concert was one of the best concerts I’ve ever seen. That’s something nobody would know or guess.

I think you’d do good on Jeopardy.

Uh huh. They’re buddies. Chhum seems pretty easy to get along with.

She got straight As in university – she’s smart. She majored in fine arts. Sometimes she’d be like, I’m not going to school today. And I’d be on my way to work and I’m like, fuckin’ bull-shit. Get your ass out of bed and get the fuck to school; I expect nothing less than an A.

Who are the Pointer Sisters?

Who are the Pointer Sisters? You don’t know who the Pointer Sisters are? Fuckin’ YouTube! The Pointer Sisters were bad. They’re three black chicks. Are they old school, like Motown?

No, no. It’s like fuckin’ like in ‘82, when Tina Turner

I know a lot of random facts. My head is filled with random facts. But the facts on Jeopardy are different. Like, my aunt (Joyce Hoffman) was a five-time world champion surfer. My grandfather was ’50 and ’51 tandem champion at Makaha. Got pictures with the Duke handing him the trophy and stuff. But my aunt was married to an architect and her husband designed the Chart House – the one in Palm Springs – there’s like 70 of ‘em or something, the one in Dana Point where they’re built into the cliffs and all that. Well I remember discussing IQ tests with my family one time. And I said if I had an IQ test that was geared more towards the stuff I know, I think I’d rate just as high as my aunt’s

husband, the architect. And my mom and my grandma are laughing at me. They’re like, you’re so full of shit. I’m all, well, you put him on a street corner and you put me on a street corner, who’s gonna come back with a bag of weed? Not him. It’s true. All those questions are just whatever questions they want to ask. Same with standardized testing. The questions are geared towards a specific type of knowledge.

It’s all more, like, fuckin’ book learning shit. Yeah.

I went to the University of Life. Quit school when I was 15 and started traveling around the world surfing and getting paid to go surf. Living in Gerry Lopez’s house. I had to deal with all the gnarly locals every day – Dane Kealoha, Johnny Boy, everybody, you know. It was cool. That was my school.


W E A R E G A T H E R E D H E R E T O D AY T O J O I N C H R I S T I A N A N D C H H U M I N H O L Y M A T R I M O N Y. None of us had planned on attending a wedding today – not even the bride and groom. It just happened.

Bali Belly Issue 004