KERN HEALTH
The ER Follies By Allison Aubin
T
he ER can be a good place to find people who have had a “Bad Idea” and then committed it. Maybe it was a science experiment that should have remained on paper or that “what if” scenario that should have remained a wistful thought. From the funny to the cute, to the downright odd, here are some stories that popped up in emergency rooms around Bakersfield.
had been following him around. They said “about three weeks now.”
Cartoons by ZAK
“Honest Doc... They
Dr. Kevin Schmidt, DO, with San Joaquin Community Hospital, has seen a lot of odd ER stories end the same way: with a visit to the psych ward. Men In Black A man came in very panicked and said he was being followed. He asked if anyone knew the men in dark suits and sunglasses, so I said, “like the men in black?” He jumped on that. The men in black! He said they had been following him for about three weeks. They were at the mall, in the grocery store, in a car outside his house. We got him checked into the psych ward. A few hours later, a couple of men in dark suits came in and showed us a picture of the guy. They asked if we had seen him. It turned out they were from the Secret Service and he had been making threats, so they were watching him closely. I asked how long they
‘‘
Animal Welfare I had a guy call the ER once, sounding very out of breath. He said he couldn’t breathe, gasping all the while. I asked if he used supplemental oxygen and he said “yes, two liters per dog.” I couldn’t quite understand, so I told him to call 911. The paramedare everywhere!!!” ics came into the ER later, laughing. One of them told me that the guy had locked himself in the basement and when they finally got the door open, there was a mass of oxygen tanks on the ground. The air saturation was about 100 percent oxygen and the guy was gasping because he was hyperventilating (he had too much oxygen). That wasn’t the strangest part. The strangest part was that he decided that since he couldn’t breathe, his dog must be in trouble, too. The paramedics found the dog on the floor with its paws taped together and an oxygen tube taped to its nose. The canister feeding the oxygen to the dog was two liters.
Paramedics found the dog on the floor with its paws taped together and an oxygen tube taped to its nose.
Dr. Rick McPheeters, chairman of emergency medicine at Kern Medical Center, has collected more than one funny story in his 15 years at the hospital. Resident With a Good Heart Some years ago, a kid in his late teens was brought in with a snake bite. >> www.bakersfieldmagazine.net - Health 2009 53