BAIT Issue 11 | Currents

l ent2021

FROM CAMBRI DGEANDTHEWORLD

ART/POETRY/PROSE/PHOTOS/ESSAYS

1 1BAI T cur r ent s

no.

TOM BULLI VANT

ALLPROFI TSFROM THI SI SSUEWI LL BEDONATEDTO THEKI TETRUST TheKi t eTr ustwasf oundedi n1993byas mal l gr oupofdedi c at edandc ommi t t edl oc alpeopl ef r om al lwal k sofl i f e.Si nc ei t si nc ept i on,TheKi t eTr us thasr et ai nedt hes ames pi r i tandc or epur pos ebuthasgr ownf r om ac ommuni t ys uppor tgr oupt obec ome al eadi ngor gani s at i onwor k i ngwi t hLGBTQ+y oungpeopl e.

Thes eday s ,TheKi t eTr usts uppor tt hewel l bei ngandc r eat i v i t y ofLGBTQ+under 25si nCambr i dges hi r e,Pet er bor oughands ur r oundi ng ar east hr ough i nf or mat i on,s uppor tand gr oups .We bui l di nc l us i v ec ommuni t i est ot ac k l ei nequal i t i est hr oughc ons ul t anc y ,t r ai ni ngandeduc at i ont oal l s ec t or s .

Wehav ewor k edwi t hl oc al pr i mar yands ec ondar ys c hool st odel i v ert r ai ni ngt os t af fands t udent sonLGBTQ+i s s uesanddev el opedas t r eam oft r ai ni ngpr ogr ammesf ors t at ut or yandc or por at e pr of es s i onal s ,al ongs i deex t ens i v ewor kwi t hl es bi an,gay ,bi s ex ual ,t r ansandgenderques t i oni ngy oungpeopl eandt hei rf ami l i es ac r os st hec ount y .

We envi sage an i ncl usi ve soci et y wher e LGBTQ+ young peopl ear eheal t hy ,successf ulandcel ebr at ed.

GI VEWHATYOUCANATTHE JUSTGI VI NG LI NKBELOW THI SI SSUE!

Al et t erf r om Bac ki nt hel as tday sof2020,wewer el ook i ngatal ongl i s tof pot ent i alt hemes on a Googl e Doc .Some wer ec onc r et e, s omewer eabs t r ac t ,butCur r ent swasbot h.I twasex c i t i ng, andal mos tt heoppos i t eoft hepr ev i ousi s s ue’ st heme,butwe wer en' ts ur ewhatt oex pec t .Woul dpeopl es endusphot osof wav es ?Poemst hatl ook edl i k er i v er s ?Pr os eaboutc ur r ant s ?

Theans werwasal lt heabov e,andmor e.I nabur geoni ng i nbox ,we f ound f l ui di t y and mov ement ;queer nes s and t i met r av el ;pol emi c sandpr ot es t .BAI T wasf oundedt obe pr ov oc at i v e— henc et hename.Soi twasper f ec tt os eel ot sof pol i t i c al c ont ent .Wehopet hi si s s ueuni t esi twi t ht heper s onal , l ook i ngathow l i t t l emoment si nourl i v esar eal way spar tof s omet hi ngwi der .

Cur r ent sc anal s of l ow ac r os st i me.Thei s s uei ny ourhands ( orony ours c r een)s l al omsf r om t hePr eRaphael i t emus e FannyEat ont ot hef i l mmak erLar i s s aSans our ,v i aaqui c k det ourt ot heLewi sChes s menandav i s i tt oHor ac eWal pol e.

I fy ous qui nt ,y oumi ghtj us tbeabl et os potPhi l l i pGl as si nt he c or ner ,notpl ay i nghi spi ano.

I ts eemsr i ghtt obegi nwi t hanewi nt er pr et at i onofanageol d des i gn.Sophi eTr an' si nt r i c at ewi l l owpat t er nc ov ers et suson aj our neyt hatt al k sbac kt ot hear toft hepas t ,l ov i ngand ques t i oni ngi t .That ' swhatourwonder f ulc ol l abor at or sov erat t heNewHal l Ar tCol l ect i onhav ebeendoi ngf ory ear s .We' r e ex c i t ed t o be par toft hei rpr oj ec tt oi nj ec ta t r ue r ange of f emal eandnonbi nar yar t i s t si nt ot hec anon.

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t heBAI Tt eam I t ' sal s oadel i ghtt obes uppor t i ngTheKi t eTr ustwi t ht hi s i s s ue:y ouc anr eadmor eaboutt hei ri ndi s pens abl ewor ki n Cambr i dges hi r eont hepr ev i ouspage.Ami s s i ont os uppor t , enc our ageandc onnec tLGBTQ+y oungpeopl er eal l yc hi mes wi t houri deal s ;wehopey ou' l lj oi nusandgi v easgener ous l y asy ouc ant ot hi si s s ue' sonl i nef undr ai s er .

I t ’ sanoddt i me,andt hi si sanunus uali s s ue.Butt hewor ki n t hi si s s ue of f er ed us s ol ac e,j oy ,l aught er :a c ommunal ex per i enc eofar t .I twoul dmak eourt er mi fi tdoest hes ame f or y ou.We don’ tr eal l y buy t he whol et i met ogoandwr i t ey our nov elv er s i on ofar ti nl oc k down.Ar ts houl d be c ol l ec t i v eandc ol l abor at i v e;i ts houl dbeaboutex pr es s i onand mut ual ex c hange.We’ r ej us thav i ngt odoi tal i t t l edi f f er ent l yat t hemoment .

I n1869,Wal t erPat erwr ot et heaes t het e’ sbi bl e,St udi esi nt he Hi s t or yoft heRenai s s anc e,ands ai dt hatgr eatar thappens when“ ar t i s t sandphi l os opher s[ …]donotl i v ei ni s ol at i on,but br eat heac ommonai r ,andc at c hl i ghtandheatf r om eac h ot her ’ st hought s ” .

Youc anbr eat het hes ameai r ,Wal t er ,ory ouc anc onnec t whi l eapar t .Youc anl i v eapar t ,andt hi nkt oget her .I ft hel as t y earhast aughtusany t hi ng,i t ’ st hatwewantt ohel py ouc at c h f i r e.

Al l ourl ov e, TheBAI TT eam 5

CONTENTS 2Hi l br eI Tom Bul l i vant

20Pos t c ar ds ,Augus t2017 I sabel l aFox

3TheKi t eTr ust

24BeckyHol l oway

4 Let t erf r om BAI T

25Dupl exf orEmi l y Fr ancescaWeekes

6Ov er s t eppi ng Ni chi t aCost ea 9Empt yBowl Sophi eBecki ngham 10Gr and Al exHaydnWi l l i ams 11Unt i t l ed Wi l lRandel l 12Sophi eBecki ngham 13Cur r ent Al exandr aJar vi s 16Way swemadet he c l oc kr uns l ow A. S.Hamer t on 18bei ng/bec omi ng Wi nni eZhu

26LaSer eni s s i ma I sabel l aTodi ni 28Los i ngVeni c e/ /Quer i ni I shi kaDut t a 304’ 33” Wi l lRandel l 31Rat t l eBag CalHewi t t 32Att heMout hoft heRi v er EmmaRowl ey 35El l y ,Lands c apei nBl ue Tabi t haBl ackbur n 36Mangs han,Chi na Sophi aHo 36Mi r ayaMcCoy

38Andol anJ eev i Ranj i ni 40TheBi r t hofVenus CocoEmmanuel l e Wheel er 42uns een Si eveBonai ut i 43Bat ht i me AnnaFr eys 44Powerov er mymov ement s Cl ar a“ Lal a”Cast i el 45Hewast he f i r s tpunkr oc k er Fi nt anQui nn 50y ours i l enc e wi l l notpr ot ec ty ou Moj ol aAki nyemi 52wi ndwal k er Si eveBonai ut i 54BeckyHol l oway 56TomasVi ei r aShor t 58homewal k er Audr eyLee

59Cr os by Al exHaydnWi l l i ams 60Cal anques ZoeSmi t h 62Ri v erRambl i ngs Kar ol i naFi l ova 70s omec av emenwi t nes s amomenti nt i meandt he s ubs equentpas s i ngoft hat Chl oeDoot sonGr aube 72Mi t c hSk at epl ane Henr yMount f or d 72ReubenJ.Br own 74Li v i ngMemor y NoahTur ner 76Thewat eri sgone ZoeSmi t h 77FannyEat on Sophi eBecki ngham 78Ther ear enot r amc ar s Al exHaydnWi l l i ams 86J amesJ oy c e: t heal bum c ov er Let iRyder

87St r eet l ampLov eSong Ti l l yPal mer 88unr equi t ed Cai t l i nvanBommel 90Mama JeanMi chaëlMaugüé 王業康 92Af t er noon ZoeSmi t h 93UponRet ur n Wi l lRandel l 94Char c oal Mud Hendr i kj eDor ussen 96Showusaf eel i ng Et t aLeviSmyt he 97er os i on Pol l yBodgener 98T opogr aphy Sar ahSt r achan 100I nt hehands oft hebeac h Sophi eSl eeman

104Sophi eBecki ngham 105Bl ac k c ur r antCor di al EmmaRobi nson 108Lar aMar i no 109c r es c ent AnnaChandl erdeWaal 110Poet r yas s weet wr apper SaulBar r et t 110Hi l br eI I Tom Bul l i vant 111I ssue11Pl ayl i st 112Acknowl edgement s 113TheBAI TTeam 114Count yCl ar e,I r el and Sophi aHo

Cover Br eak i ngWav es bySophi eTr an

NGHAM EBECKI SOPHI

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ALEXHAYDNWI LLI AMS

UNTI TLED WI LLRANDELL

cl eansi ngf r agr ance oft hepeel edor ange; pi t hymi stspr ayedt hr oughmor ni ngbeams– gol densashes ofdust yai r sl i ci ngwi nt er ’ sgl oom. st eam r i ses–mypapercupchuf f s r i chwhi sps, di st ur bedbyadr af tf r om agapi nt hewi ndowf r ame.

Isi tst i l lf orawhi l e, t akeasmal lsi p,occasi onal l y .

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SOPHI EBECKI NGHAM

ALEXANDRAJARVI S

Cur r ent/ ˈ kʌr ( ə) nt / Seedef i ni t i onsi n: ALL

OCEANOGRAPHY

ELECTRI CAL

Adj ect i ve: bel ongi ngt ot hepr esentt i me; happeni ngorbei ngusedordonenow.

Noun: 1)a body ofwat erorai rmovi ng i n a def i ni t e di r ect i on,especi al l yt hr oughasur r oundi ngbodyof wat erorai ri nwhi cht her ei sl essmovement .

2)a f l ow ofel ect r i ci t y whi ch r esul t sf r om t he or der ed di r ect i onal movement of el ect r i cal l y char gedpar t i cl es.

c ur r enti ss omet i mesc onf us edwi t hc ur r ant [ eas i l ydone] Moment ss l i pbyoneaf t ert heot her–t oof as tt ok eept r ac kof .

One mi nut ey ou’ r e 6 and s i ngi ng wi t hy ourgr andmot her , mak i ngacur r antc ak e( no,wai ty ou’ r ec onf us ed) ;t henex t mi nut ey ou’ r er et ur ni ngf r om as t i ntabr oad,y our eal i s ey ou mi s s edherf uner al .Moment st hatar e,br eat hei nhappeni ng, br eat he outdone now.Soonerorl at er ,t hey mov ef r om bel ongi ngt ot hepr es entt i met oc ons i gnedt ot hepas t .

Youc oul dmor eeas i l yhol dt heear t hi ny ourhandt hans t opa r i v eri ni t st r ac k–t hi sv ar i esf r om t hel udi c r oust ot hepos s i bl e, dependi ngony ourdef i ni t i onsof‘ ear t h, ’‘ r i v er , ’or‘ hand. ’ As k s ome r het or i c alques t i ons t o det er mi ne t he pl aus i bi l i t y .

Rhet or i c albec aus et heans wer sar es oobv i ous .Or ,may be, i mpos s i bl et oc ompl et el yc ompr ehend.Thec ur r entwi l lnev er s t op;di dt heSt y xev ers t opf orOr pheus ,di di tt os sEur y di c e bac kup t ot he s ur f ac e onc e he had t ur ned bac k ? Wasi t s way edbyhi sl y r e?May beques t i onsar et ooopenended,t oo opt i mi s t i c .Di dt her i v ers t opwher ei ts t oodandweepf ort hos e i thadl os t .Bet t er .Ther i v erc ont i nues ,i tc r i esandl as hesout asi ts weepsby ,andy etnev erc eas es .

Amovei nadef i ni t edi r ect i on.Amovet hr oughabodyof wat erorai ri nwhi cht her ei sl essmovement .Youal way s r emembert hi ngsmor ev aguel yt hant heyappear ,apar tf r om t hatonemomentt hats t andsouti ny ourmi ndf or ev er .Doy ou r emembert hatday when s he k i s s ed y ou? Thats hoc k of el ec t r i c i t ybet weeny ou,herdamphandsony ournec k .I thad beenr ai ni ng.Youhadbeenaf r ai dt ogohome,y ouf ear edi f y oul ef thery ouwoul dr et ur nt henex tdayands hewoul dbe gone.

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Thi sgoesagai ns tt heor der eddi r ect i onalmovementy our mot herhadpl annedf ory ou.You’ r eagoodgi r l ,t hek i ndt hat f ol l owst hewi s hesoft hei rmot her s .Noti nt hi s ,y out hi nk .Your mi ndgoest ot het i met heel ec t r i c i t ygotc utt oy ourhous e– y ourf at her ,s ear c hi ng f ort he t or c h.Someone had c utt he powerl i nes ,we wer et ol di twas a mi s gui ded s t at ement agai ns tt he gov er nment .Don’ tmov e agai ns tt he t i de.Your mot hermut t er ed t hi s ,may be.Moment smov e wi t h def i ni t e c er t ai nt yt hr ough t he v ague t hr eads of y our t i mel i ne, oc c as i onal l yc onf us i ngi t s el ff oranot hermomenti nt i me.

Now Ir eal i s es omeonehadt r i edt obr eaki nt oourhous e,but hadbeenf oi l edi nt hei rpl ans .Idon’ tr ememberev ergoi ng bac kandmeet i ngt hatgi r l agai n.Ik newhers owel l ,onc e,but t henagai n,s hemi ghthav ebeenme.Wewer ej us tt wogi r l s .

Thei ror derofmov ementhadbeendi s r upt ed,t hef l owbr ok en, t her es ul taf or got t enmemor y .

Peopl eandt hei rwor dsdependonc ont ex t .Theymov easi f s weptbyt he v as t ,v ague c ur r ent sofot herpeopl e,ev ent s out s i deoft hei rc ont r ol .Theyr el at et ooneanot heri ndi f f er ent pl ac es ,def i neddi f f er ent l ydependi ngont hei rt i me.Per haps t her ei saGENERALc ont ex t ,ormay beamor es pec i f i cone.

Someone’ swor ki si dent i c alt oanot her ’ sex c eptf oras i ngl e l et t ert hr oughoutev er yav ai l abl emanus c r i pt .I tc oul dal lbe mi s t ak enasaj ok e,ac onf us edhal f l augh–unt i ly our epl ac e t he‘ a’f oran‘ e, ’andal lbec omesc l ear .Younow appl aud– whatgr oundbr eak i ngwor k .Per hapst heot her ,unedi t edwor k woul d be an ear t hs hat t er i ng r ead f or t hos e i n OCEANOGRAPHY.Youdon’ tk now;y ou’ v enev erbeent ot he oc ean.Orel s et hei rwor ki nt heELECTRI CALf i el dc oul dhav e beenas t oundi ng.Youk newaboutel ec t r i c i t y ,onc e.●

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S W

A. S.HAMERTON

E

Y WA

I nt hebegi nni ngwesi f t edmi nut ehands f r om t hesal tmar shes,at edi nnerof f cl ockf aces,andcont ent edour sel ves wi t hsavi ngsomesembl anceofbr eat h, wat chi ngt hosef or mal dehydef ut ur esf or m f r om somel i qui di t y/out si deoft i me Wewai t edf oreachot hert owake br eat hwhi sper edont heot her ’ sneck ast hedaybr eakgl oom l i f t ed andwemadest i r r i ngnoi ses

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Wemeasur edoutt hehal t edbr eat h qui ver i ngonat onguet hr ead ofani nt er mi t t edaudi ence wai t i ngt oappl aud Wel unchedwi t hf r i endswedi dnotl i ke, gl anci ngatourwat chesand f umbl i ngt hi ckl yt hr oughconver sat i on whent hef ooddi dnotar r i ve Wef el lt osl eepi nt heor anger y amongt hel i met r ee’ scr adl ecomf or t .

Thesungonei n,wewokei nt ot aldar kness st ar ssuspendedbyt hegl azegr eengl ass Wewat chedpr oposi ngcoupl es i nt hepar katpal espr i ng; wecount edouthowl ongt heyt ook bet weent hequest i onandt heanswer Wef i l l edyourf at her ’ s pocketwat chwi t hpi ckl i ngbr i ne, pr eser vedi t spr eci ousseconds ast hemechani sm /st opped

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NG BEI

BECOMI NG

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WI NNI EZHU

I SABELLAFOX The dayshe t ookme t o herbeach wast he dayI r eal i sedever yt hi ng.

Thi si syourbeach,Isai datt hepl acewher edunes br oke i nt of l atsand,and she sai d yes overher shoul der .Thewor df l oat edbackt omesi dewaysand cr uelandsher anoutdownt hesandt ot hewaves.

Inevert houghtanyt hi ngl i ket hatcoul dmaket oomuch ofadi f f er encet oaper son–whet hert heyhadgr own upbesi dest hesea.

Adayear l i er ,shepi ckedmeupf r om t hest at i on.For f ourl onghour sIhadsatwat chi ngt r ai nwi ndows,my hear tsi nki ngt hecl osershecame.Iwasj eal ous,of cour se – j eal ousoft he st r engt heni ng wi l d hi l l sand gr eenai r ,and,mostofal l ,j eal ousoft hatvi ndi ct i ve gr eyl i ne,t hesea,whi chcr eptal ongsi demef ort wo hundr ed mi l es, somet i mes vani shed but al ways r eappear i ng,achi l lgl i t t erunderr ai norsunl i ght .When Ir eachedherst at i on,shewasl eani ngagai nstawal l smi l i ng atme,compl et el y di f f er entt ot he way she smi l edatuni ver si t y .Iwasner vous.Iwat chedherdr i ve al lt hewayhome.

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Andt henextmor ni ng,ear l y ,f r eezi ng,shewokemeup, hervoi cesal tatmyear ,I ’ m goi ngt ot hebeach.

Mostofal l ,t hatwor d,t he col d char mt hatl ayi ni t , power f ulasst one.

Thi s,It houghtasIwat chedherr unal ongt hef l atsand, t hi swast hebeachwhi chgavet hatwor d,i nhermout h, al li t schi l lpower .Thi swast hebeacht hatcol our edher voi cewhenshesai d,beach.

Acompl et el ydi f f er entt hi ng t owhatIknew orwr ot eorspel t .Shecoul dmakef i ve l et t er shol danot herwor l d.

Thi sbeach wasdesol at e and col d,t he t i de l ow,t he sandr unni ngoutf orami l et oi t shaunt i nggr eyl i neof sea.Ther e wer e no housesorpeopl e.Tur ni ng back east war dst her ewer emount ai nst al landt er r i bl e, pai nf uli nhei ght .I tseemedt heskymi ghtbl eedagai nst t hem.Andt hepl acewehadpar kedt hecarwas vani shed–noci vi l i sat i ont obeseen.Thi sbeach cancel l edever yt hi ngIknewofbeaches.

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I twashow sheunder st oodt hewor l d;i twast hatsof t har dnesshi ddenunderever yt hi ngshedi d.Shehad spentherwhol echi l dhoodher e,al onebet weensea andsky .Nat ur alt hatshef or gotpeopl e,It hought .You coul dbr i nganyemot i ont ot hi sbeachandi twoul ddi e –bur noutagai nstt hewi l der nessandt hemount ai ns whi chwer esomuchgr eat erandmor eandmor ei mpor t ant .Lovewoul dexhausti t sel fher eont hemi l esof gr eysands.

SoIbecamehat ef ul t ot hewi ndandt hewavesandt he pl acesshehadbeenbor ni nt owi t houtme.Iwi nced when she dr opped t hat wor d, beach, i nt o any sent ence,as t hough i twer eal over ’ s name.My j eal ousywasst upi d;herbeach’ sembr acewasmor e power f ul t hananyl over ’ s.Herbeachhadnohear t beat andi twentonandonf or ever .

Thenextmont hshecamet ost aywi t hmyf ami l y .I twas st i l l summer .Wet ookhert oourl ocal par kandIwant ed t o cr y . My mot her made a pi cni c. Ther e wer e sandwi cheswi t houtcr ust sandor angej ui ceandcake andsoupi nat her mos.Wesatonasquar eofgr ass and ever ymi nut e peopl e passed wal ki ng t hei rl i t t l e dogsandpr et endi ngnott ol i st ent oourconver sat i ons.

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Icoul dnevert el lwhatshewast hi nki ng,ofcour se,but Iknewt hatshepr ef er r edhunger–t hehar shbeaut yof herbeach,t hest i ngofsal t wat er ,t hechi l lcol dofai r whi ch had t eet h.An unnat ur alsympat hyshookher voi ceasshespokepol i t el yt omymot herabouther degr ee,a chi l dhood f avour i t e book,a st or yi nt he mor ni ngnewspaper .Pi t ycr yst al l i sedsynt het i ci nher eyest hatl at eaf t er noonasshest oodbymyki t chen wi ndow,over l ooki ng not hi ng gl or i ousorexcept i onal .

Orwi l d.

Whatar eyout hi nki ng,Iaskedhert hatni ghti nt he dar knessofmybedr oom.Iwant ed hert o sayi t ,I want edt ot easei tf r om her .Mywor dsachedagai nst t hebl uet wi l i ght ,cl ut chedatherf ace,att heedgesof mypost er sont hewal l s.

Not hi ng,she sai d,and t he wor d was f ul lwi t ht he whi sperofwavesagai nstsand.

Bet ween us,t he whol e ofherbeach st r et ched and shi ver edi nt hedar kness.●

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BECKYHOLLOWAY

FRANCESCAWEEKES Towr i t eapr ai r i et akessensi bi l i t y , andt ost i ngyoui nt oscr i bbl i ng,abee– Thebee’ sst i ngcal l spastpai nt oyourpen, Fori nspi r at i on;andf orvast nesst akesal t , Sal tl i keoceansvastasi nspi r at i on!

Andcl over ,don’ tf or get ,wi deaseyecansee– Don’ tmi sst hatgr eeneyedf our l eafcl over , Ort hechar m won’ tst i ckt oyourr oguer y!

Oncechar med,youmustst ayi nyourr ever y– Thi nkofcl over ,t hi nkofonebee– Thi nki ngwhati ti st obear over Ski mmi ngal oneoveroceansofFaer i e, Onmot i onsoff ancysai l i ngf or ever , Towr i t eapr ai r i et akessensi bi l i t y!

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I SABELLATODI NI

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I SHI KADUTTA

LOSI NG VENI CE/ / QUERI NI

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4’ 33” WI LLRANDELL

Khat i aandIsi tapar t .

John’ sabsencef i l l sourshar edai r wi t hsof tgr eyst at i c, si l encewear i ngcashmer ef ort heoccasi on. wesaynot hi ng– she’ sboundt ohi swi l l andI ’ m hesi t antt obr eat he f orf earofspoi l i ngt heper f or mance. moment sar epi er ced– f l or et sofci t r usandhoneyf l i tbet weent het r eesout si de.

1’ 57” :amet al l i chum makesi t swayt hr ought i r edai r t oof f eranaccompani ment : acount er poi ntofbi r dsongandaer opl anes i st heonl ysoundl ef ti nt hewor l d.

Ist andt ol eaveat4’ 33” ,but Khat i asi t sst i l latherpi anost ool . hernot el i nger si ndayt i me’ sl apses, andt hei nkysyr upofni ght .

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Rat t l eBag

CALHEWI TT ( Yetanot herdi scover ymyt hf ort heLewi smen)

It aughthi m byt hel i t t l eofl owsunst hatr eachedt hecave Openi ngsatdawn,byeveni ng Endgameswer el i tbyt hel amphecar r i ed Andcastl ongshadows Wet r i ppedovert hesamest eps,sl owl y Di scover eddai nt ysquar edances Fort hesol emndi gni f i edf i gur est hatwer eus Somet i mest hef r ot hwoul dcomebar r el l i ngi n Somet i mesasal t yski nwoul dsweep Acr osst heboar dwebr ought Oncewel ostapawnt ot hesea Andwhenhecameback,shoul der br oadandpr oud Tor chesabl aze,t r ai l i ng Col l ect or sandcur at or st ocapt ur et heKi ng, It houghtofhi m Ti mi dl yr esi gni nghi sbi shops Whi chIwoul dhi deawayi nt hef ol dsofmyski r t .

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CN:sel f i sol at i on

Shepl ayst hevi ol i nmusi cshe’ dl ear ntf ort hel astt our whenhebr i ngsherf ood,compl et el yonpur pose.

Hesmi l eswanl yi nacknowl edgementashepassest he pl at et hr ought hewi ndow;SpagBolagai n,t hesauceal l or ange and oi l y on t he past a,a hunk ofmeatsi t t i ng gr acel essl yont op.

Heusedt ocookwi t hl ovewhenwewer ei nt het ourvan, she t hought ,butexcused hi m f ort he cont extoft he si t uat i on.Tur ni ng up unannounced,she supposed,t o sel f i sol at ei nsomeone’ sspar er oom i nt hemi ddl eoft he t hi r dpeakofapandemi cwasgener al l y ,shesur mi sed,not r ewar dedwi t hgoodf ood.

Shet hankshi m andhenods,t henhet ur nst ogobackt o t her estoft hehouse,andshehear st hedi st antcal lofhi s wi f e aski ng hi m i ft hey had any r ed wi ne l ef t ,t o hi s knowl edge.Shesi t sont hebedandeat st hemeal ,t he duvetcovercol dandr ubbi ngagai nstherf eet .She’ s,as ever ,car ef ul t okeept hepl at est r ai ght ,pr eser vi ngt heDFS mat t r ess.

32

On t ourni ght s,t hey’ d bonded.She’ d hang ar ound hi m dr i nki ng si ckl y Sai nsbur y’ s wi ne as he unpl ugged t he speaker s af t ereach show.She’ d pr obe hi m abouthi s wi f e’ sj ob,hi smor t gageandt hatbl oodyst or ageuni ti n Col chest er .She’ dhat et oadmi ti t ,buti nt hest r angeand seduct i ve l i f e ofa t our i ng musi ci an,she f ound gr eat pl easur ei nor bi t i nghi scel i bat eandsobernar r at i ve,t hose ear l yni ght sand cl ean cl ot hes,no STD checksand no f r ant i c,over whel mi ngpr essur et opr et endt hatyouenj oy bei ngyoung.

Heusedt ocar ef orherl i keadaught er ,orsoshet hought , herr ocki nt her ushi ngr i veroft het our .Gl asgoworRome, he’ d wash hersocksand t shi r t swi t h hi sown,pl aci ng t hem on herbedsi de t abl ef ort hei rdi scover yi nt he ever r epeat i nghungoverheadacheoft hemor ni ng.

Shewast heyoungestmemberoft heband,af t eral l ;i f youcoul dcal li taband.Hesaw t hem ast het i r edpl ayer s t oasemi f amousYouTubemusi ci anwhosangt r agi cal l y under devel opedsongsaboutsecr etl esbi ancr ushesand br eakupst hathadal r eadygonepubl i c.Heof t enf el tt hat t he member s oft he band had al lbeen l ooki ng f oran answert ot hei rl i ves,andhaddesper at el yconcl udedt hat t hi swasi t .

St r angel y ,atl eastt ohi smi nd,hervi ew wasqui t et he opposi t e–shesawt hebandaspar tofachangi ngcul t ur e, eachpi nont hemappar tofagr owi ngst or y ,ast r eam of br i l l i antmovementt hr ought heUKandt her estofEur ope.

Shesaw t hewor l dasapl acet oconquerandi nf l uence t hr oughar t ,l i f ei nt hever yhandst hatpl ayedt hosesame gui t ar sboughtbymumsf orei ght eent hbi r t hdays.

33

Ofcour se,i nknowi ngt hi s,i twashear t br eaki ngf i ndi ng heri nt hatput r i dMar chof2020.Shehadsi ckandwhat hesuspect edt obesemeni nherhai r .Thi swasi nt he mor ni ngaf t ert hatl ongni ghtwhenmostoft hebandand cr ewhadt r i ppedovert hatsamer eal i sat i on;t hatt hi swas t heendt ot hei rpat h,t hei rj our ney .Theywoul dhavet o eachf i ndorcr eat eanew pat ht ovent ur edown,expl or e and i nf l uence as t hey dr eamed,atl eastf ort he t i me bei ng.

Butf orheri twasmor et hant hat ,andheknew i t .Her pastt woyear shadf el tl i kebei ngpr opel l eddownar i ver , t hecur r entt aki ngherr ushi ng,t umbl i ngdown,hi m att he bot t om t ocat chhereacht i me.She’ dbeenf i ndi ngher sel f wi t hsomet hi ngt ol eanon,andt hewor l dhadt akenher st abi l i ser saway .Nei t heroft hem hadeverwant ednor i nt endedt hathe’ dbecomeherwor l d.

Andsot enmont hsl at er ,shef i ndsher sel fi nhi sspar e bedr oom,t he Spag Bolnow f i ni shed,consi der i ng t he exi st enceofherwel comei naddi t i ont ot hequest i onof whet hert hey’ devert ourt oget heragai n.Shest ar esather r ai ncoatont hebackoft hedoor ,andt el l sher sel ff i r ml y t hatshe’ l l l eave,sket chi ngi deasi nherhead,pl anni ngf or nextmoves l i ke a f r ant i c and unexper i enced chess pl ayer .

She pul l st he coaton t he end,and wi t h a swi f t l i f echangi ngmomentshet akesherbagandwal kst ot he backdoori nahur r y ,shout sagoodbyeandst epsouti nt o t hebl owi ngwi ndoft hest r eet ,f eel i nghi ssmi l ebehi nd her .● 34

COCO EMMANUELLEWHEELER

TheBi r t hofVenus;Cyanot ypes;Acol l agedi mage f r om t heFr enchAcadémi edesBeauxAr t swher e count l ess,cl assi calr endi t i onsofVenuswer e pai nt ed. . .

40

THEBI RTHOFVENUS . . . i nf or mi ngcur r entconvent i onsoff emi ni ni t y ,i nal l i t sgr aceandpur i t y .Her e,t hel i f emodeli sVenus andt hemen,hercr eat or s.

41

SI EVEBONAI UTI

CLARA“LALA”CASTI EL

FI NTANQUI NN CN:Cov i d19andl oc k down

…t hef i r str ealr ebel ,sayst hemanst andi ngi nasquar e i nPar i s.

Thi sr eal l ywast he epi cent r e,t he hear tofi tal l ,f r om whi ch t hei ri magi nat i ons woul d spi l land over t ur nt he st i f l i ngever yt hi ngt hr ought hepowerofar t …

Punkr ockerman( he’ snotact ual l yapunkr ocker ,he’ sa hi st or i an–t hepunkr ockerwasapoet ,deadnow,butt he hi st or i anpunkr ocker man says i ta l ot ,and you’ ve f or got t en hi s r eal name) r emember s t he st i f l i ng ever yt hi ng because he used t ol i ve i naf l atj ustover t her e,r i ghtatt het op,wi t ht hedor merwi ndows.

Li keapoeti nagar r et ,hesays.

Ri ghtbyt heepi cent r e.Hewi l l havehadanamazi ngvi ew oft hei magi nat i ons,spi l l i ngal lovert hecobbl est ones.

I lesti nt er di td’ i nt er di r e!Joui ssezsansent r aves( I ti s f or bi ddent of or bi d!Enj oywi t houthi ndr ance) Thatwasal ongt i meagot hough.Now t hesquar ei sf ul l oft er sepeopl ewi t hbl acksungl asseson,t ast ef uland uni f or m,satatt i nyt abl esanddr i nki ngoutoft i nycof f ee cups.

45

( Andt hepunkr ockerman,ofcour se,poi nt i ngathi sol d wi ndow. ) Hewentt oyour s,di dn’ the?Dadsays.

Yousayyeah,butsodi dMat tHancock,so,nott hebest t r ackr ecor d.

Dadmeansyourcol l ege,wher epunkr ockermanst udi ed backi nt heday .Behi ndhi m,ont hest eps,youngpeopl e wear i ng 60s cl ot hi ng st and wi t h si gns,wavi ng and shout i ng. ( Thatwoul dn’ tbe al l owed now,oratl eastt hey’ d be wear i ngmasks.I tal mostl ooksf unnyseei ngsomany peopl et hatcl oset oget her . ) Butt hey’ r enotf r om t henow squar e,t hey’ r ef r om t he t hensquar e;t hey’ vebeenedi t edi nbehi ndhi m,youcan t el l becauset hef oot ageoft hem i sol dandgr ai nybutt he mani sst i l lcr i sp,socr i spyoucanseehi swi spyhai ras t hewi ndcat chesandf l i cksi twhenhemoveshi sheadt o seet hepr ot est .Butt her ei sn’ tr eal l yapr ot est ,sohe’ snot r eal l yl ooki ngatanyt hi ng.

Youwonderi ft hepeopl ewhoputt hegr ai nyst udent si n edi t edoutt hebl acksungl assespeopl ef i r st ,ori ft heyj ust l ef tt hem,unseen,behi ndt hem.Maybet hey’ r el ooki ng overt he r i msoft hei rsungl assesatt he peopl e( who ar en’ tr eal l yt her e)t oo.

46

Andf orabr i efmoment ,t heni net eent handt het went i et h cent ur i esover l apped,saysanol dnewsr eader .Youcan heart hepasti nhi svoi ce,cackl i ngandcr acki ngwi t ht he f uzzoft i me,l i st enabl e,ol dendaysgr ai n.

Now t heycutt oanot herper son( notgr ai ny ,audi bl yor ot her wi se)who’ sr eci t i ng a poem ( one oft he punk r ocker ’ s)ashel ooksr i ghtdownt hecamer a.

Youst udyhi m?( Thepunkr ocker ,Dadmeans,nott he manont hescr een) Nextt er m It hi nk.Dunno.

You checked yourphone f ora mi nut e( #l ockdown3 #Dai l yBr i ef i ngandapi ct ur eofMat tHancockwi t hsome headphones on)and now you’ ve l ostt r ack ofwhat t hey’ r esayi ngaboutpunkr ocker .

Thi sdoesn’ tmakesenseanyway ,punkr ocker( Shel l ey!

That ’ si t )wasar oundagesbef or et hegr ai nypeopl e,and def i ni t el yhundr edsofyear sbef or epunk.

Li ber t yst ands,maj est i candpower f ul ,asymboloft he powerofacr owdasshel eadst hem f or war d.

Appar ent l yt heki di nLesMi si sbasedont hatguy .

Ohyeah,t heydol ookal i ke.

47

( Funnyhow af i ct i onalper soncanbebasedonanot her f i ct i onalper son wi t houtei t heroft hem bei ng r eal .But t heybot hst i l lexi st . ) Thecamer amovesawayf r om t hewi spymanandzooms i nont heFr enchf l agi nt hepai nt i ng.Thevoi ceoversays Li ber t é,égal i t é,f r at er ni t é Dadf r ownsatt hecr edi t sandsi ghsl oudl y ,apunct ur ed t yr edef l at i ngbeneat hi t sownwei ght .Thenhegoesand makesacupoft ea. * Youmayt hi nkourmoder nwor l dwasbor nyest er day .But i twasn’ t ,notevent hedaybef or eyest er day .

That ’ swhatwi spypunkr ockermanhadsai d.

You nevert houghtt hatt he moder n wor l d was bor n yest er day .You’ r enotsur ewhatdayi twasyest er day ,or whatdayi ti snow.You’ r enotr eal l ysur ewhent henow ( t henewnor mal now)evenst ar t ed.Lot sofboxesont he cal endarago.

Whatwi l lt hedocument ar ysay?

Mai ns.Vi sage.Espace.

48

I twoul dn’ tbei nFr ench,ofcour se,buti nEngl i shi t doesn’ tseem wor t hr emember i ng.

Thest eam f r om yourt eadel i cat el yr i sest owar dst he cei l i ng.I ft hi st hi ngi sai r bor newe’ r ef ucked,yout hi nk.

That ’ swaymor et hant womet r es.

Out si de,t hel at eaf t er noonsuni ssi f t i ngt hr ought he t r eesanddr api ngi t sel facr osst hegr assi nadel i cat e l i ne,aspot l i ghtonnot hi ngi npar t i cul ar .

Exceptont hel i t t l ef l i es,ci r cl i nger r at i cal l yar oundt he ai r ,l i tupl i kef l akesofgol d.( Butal soj ustl i kef l i es, becauset hat ’ sal lt heyar e) .

You wonderi ft heynot i ce ast heyi gni t ei nt he sun, ext i ngui shi nt heshade.Pr obabl ynot .I t ’ spr obabl yj ust l i kedr i f t i ngf r om oner oom t ot heot her ,f ort hem.

I t ’ ssoqui et .Theai rsi t s,car ef ul .

Thewor l dwr apsi t sel far oundyouandyout hi nk ( wonder f ul l y) not hi ng.

Not hi ngatal l .●

49

SI EVEBONAI UTI

Ri verRambl i ngs KAROLI NAFI LOVA

“ I twasaf i shi ngdayj ustl i keanyot her ,atf i r st .Iwassi t t i ng ont hebank,saf eanddr yi nmynew boot s,andIwas t hi nki ngaboutdi f f er entt hi ngs.I t ’ snotof t ent hatIt hi nk whenI ’ m f i shi ng–Iusual l yj ustl i ket owai t–buti twasa ni ceday ,nott oosunnyandnott oowi ndyei t her ,sot he t hought sj ustcamet omewi t houtaski ngf orper mi ssi on.

Youknow,t hought s–whatI ’ dcat cht hatday ,wher et he f i shgot osl eep,how muchl ongerIhadbef or et hesun woul dset .Ihadal ongt i mebef or et hesunwoul dset ;i t wasonl yj ustr i si ng.Il ookedi nt ot he sunf orabi t .If el ta t i ny bi tsad.And t hen – do you wantt o hearwhat happenednext ?”

I n al lt r ut hf ul ness,t hey di d notwantt o hear what happenednext ,notatt hi sst age,butt heywer et oopol i t e t osayso,t ooyoungandr ai sedt oost r enuousl ybyt he t ur moi loft hecur r ent st oevenconsi derbei ngr udet oan el der .I tdi dn’ thur tt o hearhi m out ,af t eral l .So t hey nodded.

62

“ Wel l ,I ’ l l t el l youwhathappenednext ,andIbetyouwon’ t bel i evei t .Thet i ncanf el ldown;t hebai thadwor ked.

BecauseIwast hi nki ngaboutdi f f er entt hi ngs,i tt ookme l ongert hanusualt oj umpt omyf eet .Tool ong.Fi shar e cl ever ,youknow,andIwasexpect i ngi tt ohaveswum awaybyt het i meIsnappedt hepol e,butno–Ihooked t hef i sh’ smout hwi t houtt he t i ni esthi ntofr esi st ance.

ThenIpul l edupwar ds–nott owar dsmysel f ,don’ tf or get t oneverpul l t owar dsyour sel f–andt hef i shsl oppedont o t hegr ass. ” Secr et l y ,t hey l oved t he subt extofmassacr et hathi s st or i esal wayscar r i edi nt hei rbowel sl i ker ot t enappl esi n t hebot t om ofabasket .

Thesof t nessofdecayi ngski n,t he aci di cj ui cest ast edt hebestt ot heyoung,andsot hey dr i f t edcl oserandcl oser ,i mper cept i bl y ,wi t hever yoneof hi s sent ences.They had been war ned aboutt r eat s f l oat i ngar oundt ooeasi l y ,t r eat st hatl ook t oogoodt obe t r uebecauset hat ’ spr eci sel ywhatt heyar e–butt hey dar ednoti magi newhatt heywer enotbei ngt ol d,what happenedaf t ert het r eat s.Theydar ednoti magi nei t ,no, butt hatwoul dn’ tst opt hem f r om hear i ngi tout .

63

“ Thef i r stt hi ngt hatcamet omi nd,obvi ousl y ,wast hatI ’ d neverhadgol dencar pf ordi nner ,andhow del i ci ousi t s gol den f l esh woul d sur el ybe,how war m and f uzzyi t woul dmaket henecksIf eed.Butr i ghtaf t ert hat ,Ihadt he st r angestgutf eel i ngt hati fIdi dt r yt obr i ngi thome,I ’ d ar r i vewi t hnot hi ngbutabar eskel et on.Besi des,t her e wassomet hi ngespeci al l yheavyaboutki l l i ngsomet hi ng t hatbeaut i f ul .How l ucky ,It hought ,t hatI ’ d used a bar bl esshook–youknow,becausei t ’ snotal wayst hatI wantt okeepwhatIcat ch–sot her edi dn’ thavet obe compl i cat i ons,t her e di dn’ thave t o be pai n.Ihel dt he gol dencar pi npl aceandt ookgr eatcar easIsl i dt hehook outagai n. ” Thespacebet weent heol derst or yt el l erandhi syounger audi ence st r et ched and t wi st ed wi t h an unner vi ng t ensi on.Theycr avedaconf l i ct ,r i si ngt ensi on,at wi st ,a cl i max;hehadi tal latt heendofhi sr odandl i ne,sot o speak,and he spr ead i toutt ot hem i nt i ny ,t easi ng br eadcr umbs. “ Andt hen–t hent hegol dencar pspoket ome!Ofcour se t hegol dencar pspoket ome–woul di tbeast or yofmi ne i ft hef i shdi dn’ tspeak?I topenedi t smout h,andatf i r stI t houghti twasj ustyear ni ngf orat r aceofl i f e,l i ket heyal l dowhent heybr eakt hr ought hei rwat er yheavensi nt ot he ai r ,butt heni tspoke,i nspar kl ywor dsl i kegol dencoi ns.

Thegol dencar pspoke,andi tsai dt ome,‘ myf i r stwi shi s t hatyoudonotki l lme. ’ ” 64

And t hen,t her e was somet hi ng i nt r i gui ngl yf or bi dden abouthi sst or i es.Theyoungwer en’ tal l owedt ol i st ent o hi m;t heyhadbeeni nst r uct edt oavoi dhi m atal l cost s,t o swi m awaybef or ehet r i edt ocat cht hei rat t ent i on.He al wayshi di nt hedar kestofcor ner s,t hough,wai t i ngf ora vi ct i mt o subj ectt o hi sseemi ngl yendl essst or i es.Hi s wer e unconvent i onal l yt ypi calhi di ng pl aces,r ecur r i ng t hemest hatmade hi m unexpect ed enough t o excuse t hei rl i st eni ng,butexpect abl eenought obesoughtout wheneverdesi r ed. “ I ’ mt el l i ngyou,whenaf i shst ar t st al ki ngt oyou,you’ r e t ooshockedt odoanyt hi ngbutr epl y .So,nat ur al l y ,Isai d, ‘ whyshoul dIdot hat ?’ ,andt hecar psai d,‘ becausei t ’ s mywi sh, ’andt henIsai d,‘ buti t ’ ssupposedt obet he ot herwayr ound. ’Iwassur eI ’ dhear di tt heot herway r ound:Iwassupposed t o getmywi shesgr ant ed f or l et t i ngt hef i shgo,notgr antawi sht ot hef i sh.Thegol den car pst ayedqui et ,t hen,andwhent hesi l encewasover ,I r eal i sedIhadn’ tki l l edi t .AndIdi dn’ tevenwantt oki l li t , t houghIcoul dn’ tt el lyouwhy . ”

65

Somewher ewi t hi nhear i ngr ange,t heyoungcoul dsense bodi esappr oachi ng.Thef unwoul dbeoversoon–oh, how t heywi shedhewoul dpi ckupt hepace!How t hey year nedt of i ndoutwhathappenednext !Thegr ownups wer eboundt opi ckouthi sspeechatanysecondnow.

Wor dsofki l l i ngandofgr ant edwi shest r avel l edf ast ert han nor malwor ds,r i ppl edmor evi ci ousl yt hr oughspace,and st or i esofgol denf i shascendi ngi nt ot heheavenswer ej ust asbad.Anysecondnow.Thent heyounggasped– “ ‘ Ki ssme, ’t hegol dencar psai d,t hen,andsuddenl yIf el t al loutofbr eat h,j ustl i ket hef i shwhenIcat cht hem.‘ That i smysecondwi sh,ki ssme, ’t hegol dencar pr epeat ed, andIst ar t edchuckl i ngbecauseIdeci dedImusthave gonecr azy .‘ Butyou’ r enotaf r og,andI ’ m nopr i ncess, ’I pl ayed al ong wi t h my hal l uci nat i on,‘ and t hi si sn’ ta f ai r yt al e.Thi si sar i verandI ’ mf i shi ng. ’Isai dt hat ,butI wasn’ tsur ei twasr eal l yt r ue,youknowhowt hatf eel s? “ Thent hef i shspokeagai n,andi tsai d,‘ Ipr omi seyou wat er ssowi l dandsoot hi ngt hatyou’ l lnol ongerbei n cont r olofanyt hi ng,no l ongerhave t o wor r yaboutt he wor l d.Iof f eryout r anqui l l i t yyouhaveneverf el tbef or e, dar knessso i nt r i cat el yt hr eaded wi t hl i ghtt hatyou wi l l neverneedt ogof i shi ngagai n.Ipr omi seal lt hat ,i fonl y youki ssme. ’

66

“ ‘ ButIdon’ twor r yaboutanyt hi ng, ’Isai d,andi twas t r ue.Mai nl y ,t hough,If oundt hewor dsabi tt oot r i cky andt angl edf orsuchanor mal day .‘ Buti t ’ smywi sh, ’ t he gol den car pr epl i ed,and Il ooked att he magi cal cr eat ur eandf el tal lt hedi sgustoft hepr i ncessandal l t hesadnessoft hef r og,al latonce. ” Bubbl i ng, t r i ckl i ng, swooshes of f i ns, exasper at ed ci r cl esagai nstt hewat erf l ow.Par ent aldesper at eness, pr ot ect i veness,f ear .The gr ownups woul d be her e soon.Theywi l lgi veoutt el l i ngsof fl i kepunches.Wi l li t bewor t hhavi ngl i st enedt oast or ywi t houtanendi ng?

Theyoungf l oat edevencl osert ot hest or yt el l er ,asi f t hatwoul dencour agehi mt ospeedup.Hegaveast ar t ; i twor ked. “ Wel l ,i nt he end,Iki ssed t he f i sh,l i ght l y ,on i t s f or ehead.I twasi t ssecondwi sh,af t eral l .Andbef or eI r eal i sedi t ,Ishr unk,andt ur nedgr eyandsl i pper y ,and gr ew gi l l s,andmyar mst ur nedi nt of i nsandmyl egs gr ew t oget heri nt oat ai l .I thappenedi nl esst hana second,l ess t hanabr eat horaki ss,andwi t hasi ngl e spl ash,Idr oppedi nt ot her i ver .Idi sappear edf r om t he wor l d.Ipani ckedatf i r stbecauseIt houghtIcoul dn’ t br eat he,butt hent hegol dencar pl andednextt ome, andourf i sheyesmetandever yt hi ngwasal r i ghtf ora f ewseconds.

67

“ Butt hent hegol dencar pswam r i ghtaway .Ormaybei t wascar r i edawaybyt her i ver .Idon’ tknow i fi tmeantt o abandonme–butei t herway ,I ’ vebeenal oneher esi nce, her ei nt hewat ert hat ’ sdar kenoughandl i ghtenought hat Ineverhavet of i shagai n,andal sot ooempt yt oswi mi n al one.Iwi shIhadn’ tbeenabandoned.Haveyouseenany gol denscal esl at el y?Chi l dr en,haveyouseent hegol den car p?”

Theydi dnotgetachancet oanswerhi m.

Ast heswar m of ol derf i shst or medi n,hedashedi nt ot hedar knessoft he r ocksbehi ndhi m,t er r i f i edt hatt heywoul df ol l ow.Lucki l y f orhi m,t hough,t hegr ownupswer et oor el i evedt ohave f ound t he young,and so t hey set t l ed f orscol di ng t he l i st ener s i nst ead of seeki ng and r epr i mandi ng t he st or yt el l er .He’ dst ayi nt hesaf et yoft hedar kwat er s,now, f orasl ongashewi shed.

68

He had l ef tmanyt hi ngsunsai d;oh,how he wi shed t hey’ d have l ethi mf i ni sh hi sst or y!He t houghtnow abouthow ar i verf l owssur el yt ot hesea,andhow one canneverst epf ooti nt ot hesamer i vert wi ce,andhow t heexi st enceofar i verl i espr eci sel yi nt hef actt hati ti s al ways movi ng,al waysmor phi ngandf l uct uat i ng,and hewonder edwhatt hegol dencar p’ st hi r d wi shwoul d havebeen.

The young f i sh wer e usher ed backt ot he ot her s,t o saf et yandpr ot ect i onf r om t hecr uel t yofwor ds.Whata cr azy ol df i sh,t he gr ownups t ol dt hem,and t hey agr eed:acr azyol df i sh. ●

69

70

CHLOEDOOTSONGRAUBE

71

F o h t i c a l D a r y t c h a t e p a n : Fr r om mt t he eP Po oe e t i c a l Di i a r yo of fMi Mi t c hS Sk k a t e pl l a ne e : “ T e D s t r a c t i o “ Th he eH Ho ot tS Smo mok k eo of fC Co oo ol l Di i s t r a c t i on n o h n e r s t e l l a r y ” on nt t he eI I nt t e r s t e l l a rS Su ub bw wa a y ”

HENRYMOUNTFORD

Youwi ns ome,y oul os es ome,gets omedi ms um f ory ourf i r s ts on, Get t al oadoft hi spal ,Ihi tt hebi gt i mewi t hmys c r eenpl ay–I t r ans c r i bedani nebr i at edc onv er s at i onatabari nNewHamps hi r e.

Ionc ek newawai t r es swhohadas mi l el i k ei c ec r eam andagaz e l i k ec oughs y r up.

Iboughtf l ower sf ormymot her i nl aw,l ef tt hem att hedoorandr an.

Somet i mesIbuyt woc of f ees ,onef ormeandt heot herf ort he ghos tofHenr yMi l l er .

Somet i mesIbuyt woc of f ees ,onef ormeandonef ort heper s onI don’ tk nowI ’ m mi s s i ng.

Att hepet r ol pumpofi ns pi r at i on,f i l l i ngupmyV8c r ani um wi t h s omeunl eadedgeni us .

IboughtaDy s onhoov ert ohoov erupt hec r umbsofol dr omanc es f r om myant i queChi nes ec ar pet .

It hi nkhav i ngaper s onal i t yi st hebi ggi mmi c koft he20t hc ent ur y .

72

Is mel l t heper f umeofapos hl adywal k i ngherpoodl eand dr eam ofal i enabduc t i ons .

Dot heywears unc r eam onot herpl anet s ?

Cany ouhearmeal r i ght ?

Di dy oudownl oadt hemenopaus e,di dy ouf or gett oi ns t al l i t ?

I s n’ tt her es omewayIc ans eei ti nbi gonmyPCs c r een?

Abor t ,Ret r y ,Fai l ?

Di dy oul ogoutofmyhear tf ort hel as tt i me,orc an’ ty our emember t hepas s wor d?

Dr aganddr ops oul ,hear tandmi ndi nf as tr ewi nd,i t ’ sal l ok .

Myhol ogr am mus tl ov et odanc ewi t hy ourhol ogr am i ni t s under pant s .

Myi nf r ar edv i s i onl ac k sal l pr ec i s i on,andIs pi l tl ov eov ert he mot her boar d.

Hac k er sgoti nt omyhar ddr i v e,andIhadt ohav eahar ddr i v ej us t t or ec uper at e.

Wi ndows10waspr ophet i c ,i tt ol dmeIwasgonnawr i t es omet hi ng el ec t r i c .

Ic an’ tdel et et hatpi c t ur eofy oui ny ourSpani s hdr es s–s t or agef ul l .

CanIs eey ourdr eamsi n1080porwi l l i tbuf f eratt hepar twher e y out hi nkofme?

REUBENJ.BROWN 73

NOAHTURNER

y ngMemor vi Li

Pi xel at ei l l umi nat i onf r om t he r i versur f aceani mat esani nci dent alr eal i t y t ot hatdi st antwor l dr ef l ect ed.

Wasi tcoi nci dence–ourmeet i ng– Chancet hatyoushoul dhaveappear ed her e?Ourpi cni cr est sont he wher e?t hewho?t hewhen?expl ai ned t hatt hehandi ngofham r ol l spr omi ses.

Ipeel bac kt i nf oi l f r om ourl unc hboxs andwi c hes andgr i l l eds al mon,moment ar i l yr et ur ni ngt her et i r ed

74

gaze.I ncessantst r eam oft hi st l el eafat t empt s i nv ai nt oenv el opebi t eaf t erbi t eofbr ead,br ok en passedf r om yout oI .Gl or i ousant i past o!Pepper s gol den,cl i ngi ngt of l avour sf r om whi cht her ai sed pool i ngvi scousi npl ast i ct upper war ebel ow.Tast e

Ev eni ngc aut i ous l yj oi nsusand,bl us hed r ouge byi t smi s t ak e,l eav esi n a br i s k br eez et o appeas e usf ori t si nt r us i on.

T ea i n ourunc apped t her mos l ament s t hedi s s i pat i ngwar mt hofours t ov et op k et t l e.Wenol ongerex c hangebut t erand k ni f e, onl y gl anc es – My i mage i s r es ol v ed,r emi ndi ngy ouri r i sofhow s he onc emadehi m mor et han.He r et ur nst o meet me mi l ks pi l l i ng, t oy t hr owi ng, i nc or r ec t s pel l i ng; bl ac k hol ewar ped bey ondr ec ogni t i on.Hor i z onf i l t er edr ed l i ghtc ul t i v at ess t omac hk not sandt hr oat l umpsdammi ngr es er v oi r eddec i s i on.

Uni t yornot hi ng?

Pl as t i cc l as pst i ght enedt oc ont ai npi c ni c r emai nss quar e,s y nt het i c .Wef ol dour bl ank et ,wr appi ngup Whatnowi s , whatonc ewas , andt hatwhi c hc oul dnev erbe.

and

dr i p f or kr ends ,dr i ppi ng

budsr emember .

75

THE

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woul dst ay

adaymi dday

andt omor r ow f ort hi s

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whent hecoastf aded, whent heol d

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i nl ar gewhi t espaces.

76

t hekneesi nt he andf or gett of i ni sh mymeal sunder t heheatst r ess.

Iwasl ooki ng

att heoceansi de oft hel akeand Iwat ched

ahandshakeont hebeach.

Asf arasIcant el l i ti sst i l l f l at .

NGHAM EBECKI SOPHI

FANNYEATON

77

Ev er yday ,Mum pul l sonherr ai nc oat , Iputonmyf ai nt l ynos t al gi c c ol l egepuf f er ,andwegooutt o l ookf orghos t s .Si nc et hef i r s ts i l v er day soft henewy ear ,we’ v ebeenwal k i ng

78

79

80

81

82

83

Thepl ac ehe’ st al k i ngabouti sf ami l i ar ,anddi f f er ent .Pet er s ham t oRi c hmondBr i dgewoul ds t i l lbes wi mmabl e,j us t about ,butt her oadsar ej ewel l edwi t hheadl i ght s .Ther ear e nogl owwor msi nt hebor ough:Di c k ens ’ wor l di sv ani s hed, unphot ogr aphed.I tonl yex i s t si nwor ds .Ther e’ snot hi ngbut av es t i geofi tl ef ti nt heas phal t ,anephemer alf oot pr i ntl ef t byGr eatFi gur es .Onc e,wewal k edt oPet er s ham andt r yt o gl i mps eEl m Lodge,t her ams hac k l ec ount r ypi l ewher ehe s t ay ed.I t ’ sonDi c k ensCl os enow,j us tnex tt oCopper f i el d.

Di c k ens ’ s omet i mehous ei sdeepi nanunf ami l i ars ubur bi a wi t hhi sname;hi sv i l l agewaspul l edbyl oc omot i v ei nt ot he met r opol i s .Butl ookt hr ough t he gat e,and y ou s ee t he s amewi ndowshes aw,openi ngupt oawi del awn.Cany ou s pothi m ar r i v i ngi nhi sf ur r edt r av el l i ngc oat ?

Wes pendal otofourwal k st r y i ngt ogetbac kv i as pec ul at i on,f ac t ’ smor edi v er t i ngc ous i n.Howdi f f er entwoul dRi c hmondHi l lhav ebeenwhenRey nol dsl i v edt her eandpai nt edav i ew wi t haf ew c ount r y hous ec hi mney s ,al lbel c hi ng outs mok e?Andwhataboutt hev i ew Di c k ensmi ghthav e s een,wi t h mor es mok e bi l l owi ng outoft he newl y bui l t s ubur bs .I nt heev eni ng,woul dt hewor l dhav ebeenl i tby gasf l ame?El ec t r i cheat i ngandel ec t r i cl i ghtc hangedt he c har ac t erofev er yc i t yent i r el y :nomor emov ementonev er y c or ner ,wi t hf l amef l i c k er i ngi ns t r eet l ampsandhomef i r es bur ni ng.

Unt i lt hemi ddl eoft hel as tc ent ur y ,t her ewer ei ndus t r i al s i t est hr oughoutLondon.Ther ewasas hot t owerwher et he Nat i onal Theat r es t andst oday .Peas oupt hi c ks mogswer e ac ommoni nc onv eni enc e.Youc oul dn’ ts eey ourhandsi n f r ontofy ou;bus eswer egui dedbyac onduc t orhol di nga f l ar e.Onc e,i tgots ot hi c kt hatt hec i t ygr oundt oas t ands t i l l .

84

85

LETI RYDER

86

LLYPALMER TI Twost r eet l ampsar edest i nedt ol ookdown.

Bel ow,wi r eschar gecur r entt hr ought hesameci r cui t .

Theyseeever yt hi ng,butnevereachot her .

Fat edt ost ar eoutofeyecor ner s Whi l eel ect r i calspect acl esj ump Hi ddenst at i cbeneat hdeeppavement .

Twohundr edyar ds Separ at et womet alhear t s.

Unt i lonedayaf l i cker , Af l ut t erofmor secodef l ar esi nqui cksuccessi on Communi cat i ngl ongi ngi nanunknownl anguage Goi ng…goi ng…goi ng…out .

Thecounci lmenwi l lbeher ei nt hemor ni ng.

87

LETI

NVANBOMMEL TLI CAI

89

ma Ma-

JEANMI CHAËL MAUGÜÉ 王業康 馬嗎罵媽

Apr anci nghor sebuckst hr oughal oopofj ade,and t eet er sont heunf ami l i arsi de.

Legsshaki ngbal ancedonst r angewavesofgr ass,f r esh hor seski nhangsdr i ppi ngl oosef r om hert i r edf r ame,exhaust edf r om t her ai n, t hest r et chedwei ghtofpour i ngosmosi s.

Dot r outswi m ont hi ssi deoft her i ver ?

Canf i nspushbackt hecur r entwi t houtdr owni ng?

Awashedbr ushhal f hi nt st hest r eam behi nd,butt obl i nk t oof asti st hent omi ss t hecoalr edember ssmoul der i ngwi t ht hewaves,t he hal f cl osedpawsofamonkey nur si ngadr agon’ st oot h,pl ayi ngwi t h i t st ai l ,coaxi ngoutt hef l ames.

90

Pr anceshy ,t hef oalhungherol dhor seski n l ongagoi nt hewar dr obe,per hapst ooneday nuzzl et hecr i spedbl oodandappl essmel lofi t .

Nowshe’ spl aci df i r e,r ear i ngont hemeadows, si f t i ngt hr oughwavesofgr asswar med byt ur bul ence,pr i cki ngheraccust omedear st ot he r i ppl i ngr oost erchoi r sandabl eat i nggoat .

Thecoi l i ngdr agonwhi psl i mbert hr ought hesky mel t i ngi nt hesunwhi t ebl eedofunf or med di st ance,i nt ot hei nkwetmi st soft hemount ai ns.

Howof t enf l ownawayf r om homeonast r angeni ghtdoI f i l lmysel fbeneat ht hest ar sf orsl eep t hi nki ngofyou–mama.

91

Af t er noon ZOE SMI TH

U pon R eturn W ILL RANDELL

t hewar m di ni ngr oom gl ow mel t si r i des c entmemor i es– whi t e-l i ghtk i t c hens wi t hf i r es af et ys i gns gl ar i ngf r om dr unks c uf f edwal l s bec omec hi l dhoodphot osf r amedont hebook s hel f . t hef ac esoft hehi ghs t r eet ar es mal l ert hanbef or e– gl az edwi t hs y r ups i l t ,pas s edt i meandabs enc e: ages pot sI ’ v epai nt ed uponwear ys hopf r ont s , hunc hedov er , whi t epai ntpeel edupatt hec or ner s-t hes mi l esofgr andpar ent s beami ngup,pr oudandl onel y atof f s pr i ng,out gr own

93

ZOE SMI TH

coalMud Char

HENDRI KJE DORUSSEN

ng i eel Show usaf ETTA LEVISMYTHE

Somet hi ngr i chandyol ky ,t hatyoucoul ddunkmei nt o, Orgr eenanddar kandst i l ll i ket hef l atpor t ent oussea.

Br own,sophi st i cat ed?I nacol ourt hatwomenwear Whent heysmokeanddr i nksmal lcupsofbl ackt ea.

Br i ghtandyel l ow,cr i nkl edatt heedges,br eezybut Sol i dl i keci t r us;af eel i ngt hat ’ sr ought ot het ouch, Fr esh,cr i spy ,sl ow,unexpect ed,meani ngl ess,one Thatmaybef i r stseemst ool i t t l eyetendst oomuch.

96

POLLY BODGENER

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1cm Despi t e al lour achi evement s,we owe our exi st encet oasi xi nchl ayeroft opsoi landt he f actt hati tr ai ns.However ,overt hepastf or t y year sEar t hhasl ostat hi r dofar abl el and,due mai nl yt opol l ut i onander osi on.

Thi s wor ki s cr eat ed t hr ough t he r epet i t i ous addi t i onofacont i nuousi nkl i ne,l ayerbyl ayeri t evokest hesl owpr ocessofsoi laccumul at i on. “ We t hi nk t hatdi amonds and gol d ar e ver y i mpor t ant ,wecal lt hem ‘ pr eci ous’mi ner al s,but t hemi ner al ont op,l i kei ti st heski noft heear t h, t hati st hemostpr eci ous. ” Wangar i Maat hai ( Nobel l aur eat eandf ounderof t heGr eenBel tMovement . )

98

SARAH STRACHAN

99

CN:I nj ur y

bude, nor t hcor nwal l

hebeach hehandsoft nt i

i nt hesea, myt i nyr edknuckl es ar ecol l ar i ngt heboar d numbed bywhi t ewat er r unni ngt owar dsus. att hebr eak oft hewave, t hehor i zoncol l apses i nt osal t myt eet hseep bl ood.t heboar dswi ngsback i nt omyj aw. att enil ear ned: t heseabr i ngsyouf acet of acewi t h t hequi ett er r orofbei ngal i ve.dadpul l smeoutof t hewat er . weal lwal koutoft hewat err aw. t hebeach,anddad,ar el evel headed. hegi vesmeahandf ulofwi negums t ogetr i doft het ast eofbl ood.

1 00

l at er ,we’ r ei nt her ockpool s, t ur ni ngover l i mpet ypebbl es l ooki ngf orl i f e. ourcheeksr estont hest one, eyescaught byl uci dshapes dar t i ngi n cur r ent sofl i ght . wef i l layel l owbucketwi t hshr i mp, t hei rwi spybodi est i ckl eourhands, whi l stgobi esswi m atourf eet . wet hi nkoursol esar emadehar d l i kecut t l ef i shshel l s bywal ki ngont her ocks. besi det hepool s, t hebr eakwat er st r et chesouti nt ot hef r eezi ngsea. wavessoakourshoes ast heyr ol lont ot hest ones, andr ubawayt hewear i nesswehol d. wi ndknocksourf acesabouta bi t andt heycr umpl e l i kedr i f t wood. wer unbackont ot hebeach bef or et hehi ght i decat chesupwi t hus. nextt ot hebr eakwat er , west andabovet ommy’ spi t ( nobodyknowswhot ommyi s) 1 01

shi ver i ng squi nt i ng att heki dswedon’ tknow scul l i ngi nt hewat erbel ow. andwej ump, f l i ngoursummer si nt ot hebl ue. wegr owuponscr ubbycl i f f s, wesl i pwi t ht hem aswecl i mb, cl i ngi ngf oredgeswher et her ear enone, gr aspi ngf orast onet ohol d, wonder i ngwher et hegr oundendsup wheni tf al l soutunderus. andevenatt het op, not hi ngst opser odi ng. west aybackf r om t hecl i f f ’ sf ace, t ot r yandst opi tf r om f r ayi ng. f i ni st ennow, t heseawi ndi sbei ngbr i t t l ewi t hus, buther eachesoutand t r i est ocat ch t hef l eet i ngl i ght .hecar r i est hesunbet weenhi s f i nger s asi fi twi l lneverl eavehi m.t hedaymel t si nhi s hands andhehol dst hem upi nawayt hatmakesmet hi nk hei st r yi ngt obeal i ght house. nowt het hr eeofusl i edown st i l li nt hecr adl e oft hecl i f f ’ ssandst onear ms.

1 02

onet i me, wi t hourheadsont hemar r am gr ass, wewat cht heyel l owl eggedgul l si nt hesky , anddadgi vessugart oabut t er f l y andbr i ngsi tbackt ol i f e. memor i esbl eedt hr ought hi sbeachl i kecapi l l ar i es. t heycat chusi ncur r ent s. iseet hem i nt hest r eams whi chr unt hr oughever yst one, car r yi ngl i ghti nt ot hesea, t ot hesur f er s whoar eal l deadscar ed r eal l y . but , whent heseat hr owsusbackont ot hebeach, andwhenpal mspul lusi nt ot hecl ear , t her ear eal waysf oot st epsl i vi ngont heshor el i ne. eachoneher ej ustf ort oday . weal ll eaveoursel vesher e: eachot her ’ sf adedgui des, evenwhent het i dei shi gh. t osayt hatwear eboundedi sal i e, i ft hi spl acedi es sowi l li .

1 03

NGHAM EBECKI SOPHI

Bl ackcur r ant Cor di al EMMAROBI NSON I tcoat st het onguesweet l y Si ck,t hi ckl i kesedi ment , Sensuousl ydar k.You’ dswi r lt omi x Whatt hegushi ngt apdi f f usedt o monochr omei naf ount ai n t hatshot upt hegl ass, ai r bor near c, anddownt hepl ughol e t aki ngi t s2pwi t hi t you’ dber at et hewast e, whi l ewr appedi nl ayer s l i keamat r yoshkadol l : vestt oj umper t i ght sbeneat hj eans count i ngt her ust edpenni es savedf r om t hegasbi l l , f ear i ngt hebankst hatst eal t henewst hatl i e t hewor dst hatt r i ponyourcadence t hatr emi ndyouofanyt hi ngot hert hanhome.

Wesi t .

Laugh.Tal kofourshar edmemor i es, t hesl i ceofhi st or yt hati sonl y 1 05

St or i est ome Andever yt hi ngt oyou.

Andmyf ut ur esi t sbl ank, St ar i ngandsi l ent , Li keasui t edmanscar edt ospeak Whoyou’ dmockf orbei ng‘ pol i t i cal l ycor r ect ’ .

Igott al l er TheBl ackcur r antgotpr i ci er Andyougotmar r i ed Whenyouwer emyage Al mostt ot heday .

Yousi pt opunct uat eyourpoi nt asIdr i nkt oexcusemysi l ence.

Wepl aycar ds; Theboxi st east ai ned Fr om doubl i ngasacoast er– Youhat esol i t ai r e.

It hi nkyoul etmewi n.

I t ’ sgotdar ker You’ vegotaj oker AndI ’ vegotmygr anddad’ seyes– Yout el lmet hi sasyoust ar ei nt ot hem AndIf eelnakedandwr apped I nl oveatonce.

Wel aughsomemor e Anddr ai nourgl asses, Ial mostchokeont hel astgul p Whi chi sst r ongert hant her est– Iguessi thadn’ tmi xed.

Wehug,ont hedoor st ep– 1 06

Embr acedbyt hi ssenseofcompl et epr esence, Buti t ’ smoment ar y .

Andaswet ur n, Yout or eent ert hepast Andmet odr i vet owar dst hef ut ur e, I ’ ml ef twonder i ng,agai n,t r i vi al l y , AsIl i ckmyl i ps Andt ast et hel i nger i ngsweet ness, I si t‘ cor di al ’ or‘ squash’ ?

1 07

1 08

NO LARAMARI

Cr escent

ANNACHANDLERDEWAAL

( not hi ngbutsi l encesl i ppedundert heski noft hewor l d not hi ngbutahal f gl i mpseofphant om l i ght not hi ngbutt hatpal eache t or et ur n– oht her eali si r r el evanther e wher ebr eat hi scar vedi nt oandhol l owedout andal l t hatr emai nsi sas i c k l ys mearofwhi t es i c k l egl eam)

POETRYASSWEETWRAPPER

SAULBARRETT af ewwor dsspoken andr emember ed f ort heday f ort hemout h t opl aywi t h l i kechewi nggum.

TOM BULLI VANT

I SSUE11PLAYLI ST 1.Tr ackXBl ackCount r y ,NewRoad 2.Bet t erGetHi tI nYo’SoulChar l esMi ngus 3.Wat erNoGetEnemyFel aKut i 4.Hongui t osMi caLevi 5.I t ’ sOkayToCr ySOPHI E 6.Li keThi s박혜진 Par kHyeJi n 7.JU$TRunt heJewel s 8.Hel denDavi dBowi e 9.69annéeér ot i queBi r ki n&Gai nsbour g 10.SeaCr eat ur esSOAK 11.Thi sWoman’ sWor kKat eBush

acknowl edgement s Thanky ous omuc ht oev er ys i ngl eper s onwhos ubmi t t edt o t hi si s s ue!Wewer eonc eagai namaz edbyt hequal i t yand v ar i et yofs ubmi s s i ons .BAI Tex i s t sbec aus eofy ou,andwe’ r e et er nal l ygr at ef ulf orev er y t hi ngy ous ubmi t .Wehopey ou’ l l s t i c kar ound,k eepget t i ngi ns pi r ed,andk eepi ns pi r i ngus .

Ourf i r s tl i v eonl i nel aunc h( ! ! )waspos s i bl ebec aus eoft he f ant as t i car t i s t sandwr i t er swhos pok e— t hanky ous omuc h f orl endi ngusy ourt i me,br i l l i anti ns i ghtandwonder f ul v oi c es .

A huge t hanky ou t o LexiSt r auss f orj udgi ng ourpos t er c ompet i t i on and c hat t i ng wi t h us— c hec koutherwor kat l ex i s t r aus s . c om.Bot ht he l i v el aunc h ev entand t he pos t er c ompet i t i onbec amear eal i t yduet ot hewonder f ulpeopl eat t he New Hal lAr tCol l ect i on atMur r ay Edwar ds !Naomi Pol ons k iandHar r i etLof f l erhav emades omuc hhappen— t hank sf orl et t i nguss har ey ourmi s s i ont owi dent hec anon,as wel l asy ourZoom ac c ount .Wec an’ twai tt ov i s i t .

1 1 2

THE

Sar ahAdegbi t ei sat heol ogi anatJohn’ s( at heol oj ohn,i fyouwi l l ) .The nat ur eofhersubj ectr equi r esl ongbout sofdeepphi l osophi calt hi nki ng, whi chshebr eaksupwi t hf r equentvi si t st ot heCambr i dgecr epevan.

Geor gi aCapewel li saPBSst udentatMedwar dswhooncemadean I nst agr am accountdedi cat edt ogi vi ngbi ogr aphi est odogsshesawon hol i day–shehasnor egr et s.

JonnyCr esswel li saHi st or yofAr tst udentatDowni ng,whobel i eves t hataddi ngexcessi vepl ant st ohi sZoom backgr oundconst i t ut esa per sonal i t y .

Mi r i am Emef aDzahi saSoci ol ogyandPol i t i calSci encest udentatLucy Cavendi sh.Shehasanobsessi onwi t hpl ant ai nchi pst hatbor der son t hepat hol ogi cal .

Al exHaydnWi l l i amsi sst udyi ngEngl i shatJesus.Hi smi ddl enamei s Davi d,af t erDavi dBowi e,andhewon’ tl etyouf or geti t .

Cat eHor nei sanMMLeratNewnham,whof r equent l yusesher uni ver si t yemai laccountt osendl ovel et t er st oherf r i ends.

Si ennaJamesi saHi st or yofAr tst udentatPembr oke.Herspeci al i t y subj ectonMast er mi ndwoul dbeCambr i dge’ sBestAr t i sanCaf es.

Audr eyLeei sdoi ngaMPhi li nAr t s&Cr eat i vi t yi nEducat i on– pr evi ousl yaf i near t i st ,cur r ent l yspi r al l i ng.

Mat i l daSi deli saHi st or yst udentatCl ar ewhohasanuncannyr adarf or f i ndi ngsecondhandbookst or es,especi al l ywi t ht hesuppor tofherone t r uel ove:cof f ee.

Sui ni ngSi mi sanEducat i onst udentatJesuswhocanbef ool edi nt o cont ent mentbygoodf ood,booksandt hesun.

BAI TTEAM 1 1 3

NGHAM EBECKI SOPHI

SOPHI AHO

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