The Paper • Page 5 • February 19, 2015
‘Chuckles’ Cont. from Page 2
passed on and were waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines:
One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter. Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100's of miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here." ••••• Bruce Jenner had never had an automobile accident until he became a woman driver. ••••• For the Ladies:
Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.
By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home. EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.
Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
‘Chuckles’ Cont. on Page 7
‘50 Shades of Blue’ Cont. from Page 3
lifestyle . . . even at a ritzy place like the Hotel Del.
Very attentive . . . right there whenever you needed something. Interesting chap to visit with. Great smile. He was so good looking and charming he could easily be a movie star. Dunno if he can act, but he sure would get the attention of the girls. About halfway through breakfast I told Evelyn I was getting upset. “Why?” she asked.
“Because I’m getting full. I wanted to eat for two or three hours. Look how much food there is to choose from. No way will we get to sample all of this great food!” Fortunately, I wasn’t upset very long because the tastiness of the food had somehow soothed the savage beast within me.
It’s a funny thing about great dining . . . no matter how hungry you are when you arrive, no matter how lovely and tempting the food looks . . . as you fill up you are more and more able to resist ordering and eating more. That ain’t right!
A feller ought to be able to eat, and eat, and eat, and eat.
Neither Evelyn and I are much in the way of imbibing alcohol. She had a Mimosa . . . I had a Bloody Mary. That was it. I wanted to save room for the great food items and not take up any precious room in my tummy with alcohol or water. But, as all good things, must, our breakfast finally ended. Voluntarily. We simply couldn’t eat another bite. At least that’s what Evelyn said. Then she went to the dessert bar and brough back orange crepes and peach cobbler. I went “tsk, tsk, tsk. Didn’t you just say you couldn’t eat another bite?”
“Yes,” she said. “But I’m gonna try a bit more.”
I said “tsk, tsk,” a couple more times.
Then I got up and went to the dessert bar and got some orange crepes and peach cobbler. Monkey see, monkey do.
I ordered a coffee, she had a nice cup of tea . . . and I asked Hank for our check. Before he left our table to fetch the check, however, I said to him, “Very impressive. But I couldn’t help
‘50 Shades of Blue’ Cont. on Page 8
Published on Feb 18, 2015