‘Man About Town’ Cont. from Page 16 had often trod during those 27 years that I owned "Lyle's at Dixon Lake." Lots of great memories. Then the reverie was broken as my cellphone buzzed. I checked it and saw in incoming text message.
"You are in danger! Someone is tracking you and intends to kill you! He is upset because you've been arguing against gun control and supporting the 2nd Amendment. He heard about your presentation to the Escondido Fish and Game Association and he is livid! He wants to make you an example! This guy is dangerous! Keep your eyes and ears open!"
Well! Had I been a young 2535 year old guy, I would have been alarmed at this message. But I'm considerably past the 25-35 year old category. Another twenty years and I will qualify as an 'elderly gent.' Not quite as swift of foot, or mind, nor am I quite as strong as I used to be. How to deal with this? I've never been stalked or hunted before. You can bet your last nickle that I was alarmed. I headed toward the ranger station but though the lights were on, there was no one inside. I figured they were on their nightly rounds, checking the campgrounds and such.
I was alone. In a darkened park. No protection. (And, no gun). No means of protecting myself. Suddenly, headlights! Maybe that was the ranger truck! No, it wasn't. It was a sedan of some type. One man got out and he was carrying what looked like a Kalishnokov. A high powered assault weapon. Great! And I didn't have so much as a pistol to defend myself with. "I know you're here, Davis. Come out, come out, wherever you are! I wanna have a little talk with you!"
I ducked down behind some bushes and dialed 911. "Your call is very important to us. Please remain on the line as
we attend to other callers. You will be in a queue and we will answer your call in the order received. Your call is very important to us . . . yadda yadda yadda . . ."
The hunter now shouldered his weapon and pulled out a huge sword or knife. What in the hell is going on?! I became aware of some rustling to the right of me and suddenly, there was Katrina! "Katrina! What in the hell are you doing here?! We're in danger! Get down!" "I thought I could help. I heard you were in trouble."
"You should have stayed away; now it's gonna be twice as hard to avoid this guy. Here, give me your hand. We'll move over behind the ranger offices. There's better concealment there . . . maybe a park ranger will show up."
I took her hand and began to lead her in the direction of the building when I both felt and heard a click; I whirled around and looked and there on my hand was a handcuff, the other cuff being held by Katrina. I looked at the handcuff and looked at Katrina who was now wearing a smile that looked remarkably like a smirk.
not wise to oppose the wise counsel of your President and argue against gun control. You see, Davis, if you have guns, we cannot conquer you. If you do not have guns . . . well . . . I think I make my point." With that his colleague appeared, videocamera in hand . . . a toothy grin on his face.
My Hunter drew back his knife and began to speak in Arabic . . . I noticed Katrina had a glazed, fascinated look in her eyes . . and just the touch of a contented smile. The knife approached my throat and began to saw . . . I knew that my screams would not be heard . . . and that, soon, only the gurgle of my hot blood, pouring out of my arteries would replace the screams. I've never been so frightened in my life. . . . . and then I woke up.
My body was sweating. I was wide awake.
There was no Katrina. There was no hunter. There was no one videotaping me.
"I have him! Come ahead!"
It wasn't a dream. It was a friggin' nightmare! And all because of my strong belief in the 2nd Amendment. That we sure as hell have a right to bear arms . . . and not to just hunt animals . . . but to protect ourselves from tyrannical governments, both local, state and federal . . . and foreign.
"We are about to make you famous, Davis. You will be known worldwide. My colleague in the car will be here in mere moments . . . with his camera. He will record this!"
Till then, take care of one another and . . . ack respeccable!
"We have been looking for you for some time, my colleagues and I."
A rustling in the bushes and there he was. My hunter. A bearded, husky guy . . . with a sword about three feet in length . . . frightening just to look at.
With that he grabbed my hair, held my head tightly and brought his knife to my throat.
"We will saw your head off. Slowly! He will videotape it and you will be on YouTube within the hour. Your body here . . . and your severed head dangling from my hand. That will teach the world that it is
You know, the stuff of which dreams are made. ••••• There . . . if I haven’t frightened you off by now, I shall be back next week with more observations on life in North County.
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April 11, 2013 - Page 17
‘Chuckles’ Cont. from Page 14
me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head. What the Customer Wanted:
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,"No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer, who was walking out the door, and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of week ago."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it, and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?" "Rain."
Other laughable notations:
A man opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend. "Did you see the paper?" asked the first man. "They say I died."
"Yes, I saw it," his friend replied. "Where are you calling from? ••••• How flat is Illinois? Is is so flat, my dog ran away and I could still see him for three days. ••••• It is so flat, one can see for 30 miles. But stand on a tuna fish can, and one can see for 35 miles.
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