January 21, 2021
Volume 51 - No. 03
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and My Mule, Jude Editor’s Note: We have found a stable of new, outstanding writers, one of which is our old favorite, Pete Peterson.
He, and they, are located in a website known as The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature. They have fiction, non-fiction, essays, poems, a blog, and archives with loads of outstanding stories, many of which we hope to present here, in The Paper.
Each writer is asked to file an opening statement, establishing his The Paper - 760.747.7119
or her right to claim status as a “southern writer.” Fact is, everyne is south of somewhere, so you’re likely to find writers from just about anywhere . . . but all have a fascination with the South, and with good writing. Our first offering comes from old friend and brilliant writer, Pete Peterson: Southern Legitimacy Statement:
Sunday mornings at our house it’s grits, red eye gravy, country ham,
eggs over easy and buttermilk biscuits. (Please don’t tell my doctor.) I’ve walked 3 miles to a one room schoolhouse taught by an 18-year old girl with one year of business school and lots of pluck. I’ve followed fox hounds and coon hounds on starry nights and stood in awe of a new day dawning. I’ve dug post holes, cut persimmon sprouts and split cottonwood for $3 a day, been baptized more than once and paid big money at Saturday night pie suppers to share pecan pie with the prettiest gal there. I married one of those sweet-smelling, soft-talking,
velvet-gloved beauties. We didn’t stay hitched long – perhaps my love for bourbon was the culprit – but what’s life without a lost love or two. Today, I’m frequently asked, “What part of the South are you from?” My answer? “I’m still from there. I just can’t get my preacher and parole officer to agree that I can go back.” ••••
Daddy barges though the kitchen door like a burglar outrunning a shotgun blast. He looks like death
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter, and Jude See Page 2
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and Jude Cont. from Page 1
eating a cracker, his right eye swollen, lips bruised black, dried blood on his shirt. He’s been gone four days, leaving me with three fox hounds, no dog food, and an empty pantry. He throws a tow sack of groceries on the table. “It were a rough one, Frankie. Fix us some grub, then we’ll go chase us a fox.” “In day hunters.”
“Don’t hector, Boy. Just do.”
Daddy’s usually not cross with me. Is he okay?
I take a can of Spam from his sack, slice off five chunks and fry it in oleo, slather on peanut butter that he likes, and hand him the plate. He chews, then says, “The mule’s a noble beast,” like he read these words on the peanut jar. I look to the mule pen. He rode Jim when he left. “Ain’t there. Sold him.”
What? How can we sell firewood with no mules to pull our wagon? “For how much?” No answer.
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy! Points to Ponder
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. 3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. 4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody else is going to get what they
Page 2 • January 21, 2021
Daddy jumps up, grabs a rope and heads for the dog pen. Stub and Little Bit will follow Dinah. On the ridge, the hounds range wide, noses to the ground. When they smell a fox, they’ll bark – mouth we call it. No jumping stone walls on horseback to see a pack of dogs tear a fox to pieces for us. We hunt for the music of the hounds, not to kill.
Dinah’s liberty bell squall says she’s on a trail. Little Bit’s turkey caulk and Stub’s hoarse chop join in. Usually, Daddy and me bust through buckbrush and blackberry vines, wade creeks and climb hills to be near our hounds as they run. Today, Daddy squats like a baseball catcher under a walnut tree, his head cocked to hear the dogs. “The mule’s a noble beast,” he says again. A crow caws. A meadow lark trills.
“Me and Trace Galloway was havin’ a beer at the Blue Moon. This blow-hard fella comes in, blackguardin’ everthing. Calls us stupid red necks. Trace is on the puny side and no fighter, so he slips outside. Fella calls me a chicken shit. Pisses me off. We take it outside, so we won’t bloody up the Moon. Fella hits like a fallin’ tree.” That’s why Daddy’s face looks like sausage.
“Whups me good ‘til I lay a right to his throat. He falls. Smacks his head agin a root, I reckon. He don’t move. ‘Cept his right leg kicks.
work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation! BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lipsync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.
RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides
Daddy looks to the heavens like he expects a lightning bolt. “After mebbe ten minutes Harley Stevenson comes up for a look. ‘Ya killed him, Mick.’
Harley runs to the post office to call the law. Hour or so later, Deputy Branch swaggers up and tosses me in the slammer. Second degree murder.” Daddy shakes his head to clear the memory. “Next mornin’ sheriff says he talked to them who seen the whole shebang. Says I acted in selfdefense. Gotta stay in the Gray-Bar Hotel ‘til the judge says I can go.”
Drinking and fist fights are no strangers to Daddy. That he killed someone is gobsnockering. “This mornin’ judge turns me loose. Says if I look cross-eyed at ‘nother human bein’ its thirty days. Bread and water. Says pay the sheriff ten bucks fer disturbin’ the peace. Five for court costs.” Daddy rubs his wrists “Sheriff gives me ’til spring to pay up. Says if’n I don’t, it’s the hoosegow.” He looks to the sky again. “Jail ain’t good, Boy. Hard bed. Bad food.” He shakes his head to rid the bad dream. “Sherriff says I’m to stay outta the Blue Moon forever.”
Daddy stands and kicks a clump of broom grass. “Didn’t mean the feller no harm. Shouldn’t a called me a coward.”
gyros and baklava. (for you nonCatholics it means Lord have mercy) MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Little known facts about the Catholic Church in Las Vegas:
He pulls his coat close. “Went for Jim. He were gone. Folks said the school marm taken him. Go to her place.”
He’s speaking of Miss Dixie Ann Foy. She buys my mushrooms in spring and blackberries in summer.
Daddy tries to laugh. “That blame womin said I were worthless as a two-inch piece of string leavin’ a mule with no food nor water. Tole her I were in jail. ‘More reason you shouldn’t own a noble beast like a mule. You can’t take care of yourself, much less ‘nother livin’ soul.’”
Daddy’s is white, his eyes aglitter. “Said, ‘I’m buying that mule right now.’ Counted out twenty-seven smackeroos.” Daddy leans against the tree. “Got a terrible headache, boy. Brassy taste in my mouth.” He coughs and spits.
“Jim’s a fifty-buck mule, but I owed the sheriff and judge, so I shook. Bought grub. Walked home. Still got four singles.” He adds, “A mule’s the offspring of a male donkey, a Jack, an’ a mare.” He’s really saying this conversation is over. Like when Viola Warfield, my class mate, died. Her Old Man said he could never put her in the ground, so me and Daddy dug her grave next to that big oak on the hill
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and Jude Cont. on Page 3
There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.
Some are sharing their winnings some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting. Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he, of course, is known as The Chip Monk. This information is for Catholics only.
It must not be divulged to nonCatholics. The less they know about our rituals and top secret code words, the better off they are. Nothing wrong with me!
I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off. Old age is coming at a really bad time.
Chuckles Cont. on Page 5
The Paper • Page 3 • January 21, 2021
Evelyn Madison The Social Butterfly Email Evelyn at:
EAA Gallery Call for Artists The Escondido Art Association announces their Open Show for the month of February at the Artists Gallery, 121 Grand Avenue, Escondido. The theme of the show, "Forever Yours," will be open to EAA members and non-members alike. Entry fees will apply.
Take-in of art will be on Saturday, January 30, 2021, from 11:00am – 4:00 pm and on Monday, February 1 from 4:00pm - 6:00pm. The gallery will adhere to strict enforcement of COVID 19 protocols to ensure a safe environment for dropoff, exhibition and viewing of art, therefore, no reception is planned at this time. The show will run through Friday, February 26 and the pick-up date for artwork is Saturday, February 27 from 11:00am – 4:00pm.
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and Jude Cont. from Page 2
over lookin’ Layer Creek, and I asked Daddy about momma.
“A sickly woman. Died when you were what, four?” That’s all he ever said ‘bout Momma from that day to this. But he did talk of mules. “They ain’t stubborn like folks say. They just won’t do stupid stuff, like try to pull a load that’s too heavy, or cross a bridge that ain’t safe. Take a mule somewhere new an’ they’ll ‘member that forever.”
All is quiet as an empty house at midnight, then Dinah gives mouth. “Ain’t she a good ‘un?” Daddy slaps his knee with his cap, looks to the heavens, spins around and flops face first into the weeds. “Why’d ya do that,” I yell. No answer. Did he die?
I roll him over. Face and blue eyes gray. Spit bubbles. Wet with sweat, his skin cold as a toad’s belly.
The nearest doctor’s in Volney, I think. That’s eighteen – twenty miles away. A long pull even for Jude. Yellowbird is maybe ten miles, over bad roads. That’s my best bet. Who has a car in Yellowbird? Will four bucks buy
The EAA is an all-volunteer nonprofit 501(c)3 organization whose mission is to promote the arts in North County San Diego with outreach to students and veterans. EAA seeks to recruit new members in our on-going efforts to expand our base and serve the community. The EAA's new email address is email@example.com and the new gallery phone number is (442) 317-0980. For information on joining the EAA or making a donation to our Gofundme campaign, please call or visit the EAA website at www.escondidoartassociation.com.
Soroptomsts to present Webinar on Human Trafficking - On Saturday, January 30th, from 1pm2pm, "Human Trafficking" will be the focus of a free Zoom webinar, presented by the Soroptimist International of Vista and North County Inland. This Soroptimist Club has been at the forefront of raising awareness of human trafficking since 2006. Keynote speaker, Monica Dean, NBC7 News Anchor, will give a behind-thescenes account of the NBC7 documentary series, "Stolen: A Year Long Investigation Into Child Sex Trafficking and Exploitation." She will include the inspiration behind the seven-episode documentary series, how the project evolved and the major findings to come from this year-long investigation. To register for the free webinar, visit https://bit.ly/3lnt6XY. The series is available to stream online at nbc7.com/Stolen and
enough gas to get Daddy to a hospital? ••••
Jude pulls the wooden wagon I use to carry fire wood to the house along the ridge line, Daddy tied to the cellar door, the door roped to the wagon. When we go downhill, I hang on to slow us. Uphill, I push. The trail forks. Jude turns north.
“Yellowbird, Girl,” I say, pulling the reins south. She stops and turns her brown eyes on me. Then I remember Daddy said a mule never forgets where they been, “Okay, old gal. Have it your way.” The road is rocky. Sleet bends grass and weeds. I lose my hold on the wagon. It picks up speed. Jude lopes ahead, then shies right. The wagon plows through weeds and slams into a clay bank. Mud and ropes fly. Daddy soars maybe ten feet, then crashes into a tangle of buckbrush. Is he hurt?
I run up. Daddy flails his arms. I wipe sleet from his face and lean him against a sycamore tree. He seems shook up is all. The wagon has a broken slat but no other damage. Two feet more and Daddy would’ve landed in a deep gulley. If Jude hadn’t shied like she did, Daddy would be dead, or at least bad hurt.
debuts nationally this month on NBC LX/Peacock. In addition, Jaimee Kohnson, CEO/Founder of Sisters of the Street, will speak briefly, and there will be a question and answer period following both presentations. This Soroptimist club is hosting a "30 Miles in 30 Days" Walkathon fundraiser this month as January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. The amount raised will be announced during the webinar. All funds raised will be donated to Alabaster Jar's Grace House, a safe house for survivors of trafficking, and North County Lifeline's Project LIFE, which provides prevention and intervention services. Attendees will be given the opportunity to donate during the presentation by texting the code "3030WALK" to 44-321. To participate in the Walkathon, register at soroptimistvista.org. Walk anywhere, any time, alone or with a team, run, or ride a bike, thru January 30, and donate $1 per mile, or whatever you can afford, or just donate without walking. For more information, visit soroptimistvista.org or email to firstname.lastname@example.org.
celled. The January scheduled speaker, Rick Elkins , has been rescheduled to July. Our February meeting Zoom speaker will be Joseph DeVico, a mental health expert who will touch on mental health resources available in San Diego, especially through the NAMI organization. The normal notifications/invitations for the February meeting will be sent out shortly.
Only Losers Litter; January 24th at 2pm - This event starts the fifth year of 'Only Losers Litter' campaign of cleaning up around Vista, and will be held Sunday, January 24th at 2pm. Meet at the Backfence Society Clubhouse, 110 South Citrus, Suite F, in Vista, across the street from the flagpole. All ages are welcome. Bring your own pickers, buckets, gloves. Wear face coverings and keep social distancing.
Notice! COGG 'Zoom' January Meeting 2019 - before COVID-19 Canceled - Due to Picture is from November restrictions unforeseen circumstances, the COGG Zoom meeting Social Butterfly scheduled for January 12 was can-
I rub Jude’s nose. “Good, Girl.”
Using an oak limb pry bar and rock fulcrum, I get Daddy back onto the wagon. From a cedar, I cut limbs and cover Daddy with boughs, tying some to Jude’s collar to protect her from the sleet. I hear Dinah’s liberty bell ring from two ridges over. She’ll stay on that fox ‘til he holes up. I hope he isn’t a road runner. ••••
Dinah has been my special buddy since the spring day Daddy brought her and Stub home. I was maybe four. Two black, white, and lemon puppies tumble and scramble in the grass, all ears and feet. Dinah’s black eyes smile, her pink tongue greets me.
Fox hound puppies won’t play fetch or roll over for treats. They’re hunters. At 4 months, Daddy has to tie them up, or they’ll join the older dogs in the race, and this could ruin their muscles.
When Momma died, my oldest sister, Carolina came home. She cried a lot, while Virginia, my other sister, cooked and cleaned when she wasn‘t yelling at me. Two years ago, Virginia and Daddy had a fight. She moved to Volney.
Dinah seemed to know something was wrong. She’d follow me everywhere, wait in the grass when I went to the privy, rub against my legs when I ate tomatoes in the gar-
Cont. on Page 7
den, chase grasshoppers with me in the weed lot, then curl up next to me to sleep in the sun.
The worse thing a fox hound can do Daddy says, is run rabbits. “Ruins ‘em for fox.” One day Dinah and I were in the garden. A rabbit jumped up. Dinah was after him in a flash. The cotton tail hopped through the fence. Dinah slammed into the woven wire. It knocked her to the ground. She came up to me, expecting a “good girl.” Instead, I took her muzzle in my hands and looked into her black eyes. “No. Bad dog. No.” Her face sagged. Her eyes went darker.
The next day, Stub prances along beside us. A rabbit jumps up, gray blur on green grass. Stub races after him. Dinah catches Stub from the rear, growling, sharp teeth buried in his neck. Stub gets the message; that’s the last rabbit he ever chased. Daddy can brag, “My dogs don’t lie. If they give mouth you know it’s a fox.”
Now with sleet coating grass, weeds, and trees, Jude pulls Daddy’s wagon along a ridge. Dinah’s liberty bell mouth is east of the paved road where most evenings cars driven by shoe factory workers speed home from Volney
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and Jude Cont’d on Page 5
The Paper Hit and Run Suspect Arrested Victim was Owner of Escondido’s Rosie’s Cafe
More than a year after a motorcyclist was hit-and-run in Vista, San Diego sheriff's deputies announced Monday they had made an arrest in the case.
On Dec. 21, 2019, the driver of a white Ford Explorer hit Kaitlyn Rose Pilsbury, the owner of Rosie's Cafe in Escondido, while making a left turn in front of her Harley Davidson, according to investigators. The driver left his SUV at the scene at West Vista Way and North Melrose Drive in Vista and ran away on foot, SDSO said. Rosie’s Cafe, which was owned and operated by Kaitlyn Rose Pilsbury for three years before the crash, was located near the intersection of West Grand and Broadway in Escondido. Sadly, the cafe closed in June amid the pandemic.
Deputies said on Monday that Rene Solorio, 35, was arrested last week and has been booked into the Vista Detentional Facility on a felony hitand-run charge. He is being held on $200,000 bail.
Shortly after the crash, officials said the registered owner of the SUV was not the suspect, but that they believed someone borrowed the SUV and that the owner may know who the driver was. The suspect at the time was described as a 6-foot-
Page 4 •
tall man in his 30s with short hair and an approximately 4-inch beard. Solorio is, in fact, 5 feet 8 inches tall. After the crash, Rosie’s Cafe thenmanager, Sandy Nelbroski, said Pilsbury had suffered horrible injuries in the crash.
"She is recovering -- it is a process," Kaitlyn’s mother, Marie said. "She had a surgery in December on the left leg -- she is about a month out on that.... The biggest thing is the traumatic brain injury, and she has a road ahead of her, but she has always maintained a positive attitude and never quit." The Pilsburys were relieved to hear this week that there had been progress on the case.
"We're very grateful to the sheriff's deputies who were able to arrest the suspected driver and this can now ove forward, she is relieved. She just had tears of relief that they continued to work on the case and can bring it to this point." Solorio is due in court on Feb. 1.
Gorilla Troop at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park Test Positive for COVID-19
The great apes continue to be observed closely by the San Diego Zoo Global veterinary team Members of the Gorilla Troop at the
ME: Well, there has to be a mistake but I'll run down to the local SDG&E office and write a check. We can sort it out later.
No, it will take 2 to 3 days for the check to clear. You'll have to use Express pay. I'll give you directions. ME: Wait! Who the hell am I talking to? Are you really SDG&E? I can go to my bank, get cash, and take the cash to SDG&E's local office.
Man About Town Utility Scam
INCOMING PHONE CALL: Hello? We need to talk to whomever is responsible for non-payment of your utility bill. We have a seriously overdue utility bill and will turn off your electrical power within 30 minutes if prompt payment is not made.
No, there isn't time. You'll have to use Xpress Pay.
ME: No, we're not going to do that. I've offered to pay SDG&E by check . . . or by cash. I don't have to use XPress pay, whatever that is. Fine. I'll authorize cutting off of your electrical service in 20 minutes! HANGUP:
The above is a fairly accurate ME: What? I have direct pay from account of a phone call I received my bank. This can't be. SDG&E two days ago, with only slight parabills my bank and the bill is auto- phrasing. matically paid. Upon the hangup I checked my We have checked with our accounts online bank account and, sure department and you are four pay- enough, there was a record of my timely payments that had been ments behind. deducted from my account for the ME: Can't be. Has to be a mistake. past 90 days. Everything was as it Give me the amount for each month. should be. I don't have that. I only have the I went online with SDG&E and checked my account. I had a balance total. You owe us $1028.36. due within two weeks. Nothing
January 21, 2021
San Diego Zoo Safari Park have tested positive for SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19. On Wednesday, January 6, two of the gorillas began coughing. Given current circumstances, San Diego Zoo Global initiated the process of testing fecal samples from the gorillas for SARS-CoV-2 through the California Animal Health and Food Safety Laboratory System (CA HFS). On January 8, the preliminary tests detected the presence of the virus in the gorilla troop. The U.S Department of Agriculture (USDA) National Veterinary Services Laboratories (NVSL) confirmed the positive results on Monday, January 11. The test results confirm the presence of SARS-CoV-2 in some of the gorillas and does not definitively rule out the presence of the virus in other members of the troop.
“Aside from some congestion and coughing, the gorillas are doing well,” said Lisa Peterson, executive director, San Diego Zoo Safari Park. “The troop remains quarantined together and are eating and drinking. We are hopeful for a full recovery.”
It is suspected the gorillas acquired the infection from an asymptomatic staff member, despite following all recommended precautions including COVID-19 safety protocols
Local News Cont. on Page 6
about past due. No problem. Everything was as it should be.
I like to consider myself as reasonably sophisticated yet this clown on the other end of the phone had me going to the point I was gonna drop what I was doing, head to my bank, withdraw $1000+ in cash and go the the local SDG&E office to make a payment, all to forestall the cutting off of my electricity in what was clearly a terrible mistake and/or understanding.
It was only after I had checked my bank and utility balance that I realized I had been the intended victim of a scam. Was I angry? You bet!
Then I thought . . . "how many senior citizens do these crooks actually persuade to pay by Xpress Pay? Amounts of $200? $500? In my case, over $1000?" And, once paid, of course, there is no recourse. You cannot retrieve your money.
If they came close to nailing me ... a reasonably sophisticated guy . . . how easy must it be to dupe others who don't have direct pay from their banks, or don't have access to an online SDG&E account to verify they are current? These crooks should be taken out and shot!
Letters to the Editor A “Mayor Mac” Fan
Escondido Mayor Paul "Mac" McNamara has a very reassuring and comforting presence during these traumatic Covid times.
In Zoom meetings with friends and committee members who are very active politically, we had this very discussion about Mayor McNamara: "What is it about him that radiates trust and solidarity when many politicians don't?" And then it hit us: We don't see McNamara as a politician. We see him as a family member who warmly cares and watches over us. My Grandfather listened to FDR's "Fireside Chats" which brought
Letters to the Editor Cont. on Page 6
Sadly, there's very little law enforcement can do. Usually, the perps are outside local jurisdiction.
I noticed frequent static issues on the phone call. He had to call me back a second time. Still lousy phone reception. It may well have been a call from out of state or even outside the country. A word to the wise . . . and all that.
If someone calls you with a similar message . . . keep your cool .. . don't panic . . . and stand your ground. I got angry on the phone - but they are used to that and know how to push your buttons. Don't let 'em. They love to prey on elderly folks. We tend to panic at the thought of losing power and will bust our tails to get the money to the bad guys quickly. Bastards!
•••• Welcome back to the world to Zumba Gold with Lynn! Lynn is back offering virtual classes during the pandemic so she can keep you slim, trim, fit and as attractive to the world as you can possibly be! And Lynn makes if fun! You can call Lynn for information at 760.201.6715. We’ve known Lynn for years and have observed her exercise classes with the Zumba formula and took note of the many happy faces of her students. Call her!
Fist Fights, Peanut Butter and Jude Cont. from Page 3
and over-loaded logging trucks groan up steep hills. Several times tonight I’ve seen head lights sweep trees tops above us. When we’re on black top, I’ll flag down a passing car and see if they’ll take Daddy to the hospital. Dinah gives three long squalls, her signal that Mister Fox has gone to his hole. For the first time since Daddy flopped down earlier, I smile. She’ll go home now unless she catches my scent. If she does come in, she’ll circle me three times as usual to make sure I’m okay, then follow behind me.
In that case once we’re in Yellowbird, I’ll find a hunter to feed her ‘til Daddy’s back in the woods. I hope she goes home through the woods and stays off roads. It would be hard to see her in the sleet. Jude’s dainty hooves slice through tree branches and thick mud as we get close to the paved road. Houses gleam on the hillside. A half mile or so we’ll be on pavement, a short mile to Yellowbird.
The sleet falls hard here, the wind stronger. In the woods, tree limbs crack, then scream like a car slamming on brakes, and crash to the ground, the wind moaning. It’s easier for Jude to pull on the black top. I trot to keep up. We top a rise. To our front lightning plays in the tree tops. A screech owl screams like tires skidding on payment, then a crash. The wind carries away other sounds. There’s only the sound of Jude’s hooves, the smell of rotting weed, the crunch of wagon wheels on pavement and bite of the wind on my cheeks and ears. At a dip in the road, Jude stops. I shake the reins, Her soft eyes search my face. She doesn’t move. Then, I hear the moan.
I see a white clump in the road and run toward it, knowing before I’m halfway there it’s Dinah. Steam rises from black blood. Her body is limp. ••••
Miss Foy and her husband, Ralph, a coon hunter, live in the yellow house with oleander bushes next to the grain elevator in Yellowbird. This spring she bought a bucket of mushrooms for two bucks and threw 10 Life Magazines to boot. She opens the door. “I’m Franklin Delano Walker. You bought my Daddy’s mule yesterday. I brung ya Jim’s harness mate. Him and Jude have been a team for years.”
“The past participle of brought is bring, as in, I brought you flowers yesterday. I bring you flowers today.” Her brown eyes meet mine. “I don’t
Page 5 • • January 21, 2021
need another mule. I paid your Daddy a fair price for Jim.” “I’ll swap you Jude and four bucks to take Daddy to a hospital. And my dog needs a vet.” I pull four crumpled ones from my pocket. “Hospital? Your Daddy?” She waves her hand. ‘Put your money away.”
At the wagon, Jude stands solid as a soldier. Daddy lays on the cellar door, Dinah on cedar boughs beside him. “He flopped down earlier. Ain’t walked or talked since.” She touches Daddy’s gray face. “Probably a stroke.”
She looks at Dinah. “Ralph, can you come here, please?”
Ralph wears blue jeans with wide suspenders and a red and black shirt. He touches Daddy’s shoulder. Dinah’s bones gleam white. “No hope for your dog. Not sure about your daddy.” He cradles Dinah. “Heard she was quite a fox hound. Truck hit her?” I’ll cry again if I talk, so I nod.
“I’ll lay her to rest next to my Gabe. Helluva coon hound.” I’ve heard people say Gabe treed a hundred coons most seasons, while other dogs might tree forty.
Jim brays. Jude answers and pulls the wagon to the fence. They stand head-to-head. Two neighbor men come up, unhook the cart, and carry Daddy to the garage. Miss Foy makes me wash up. I pull on dry jeans and a shirt borrowed from the Hinchcliffe twins. They’re my age, only taller. I bolt down a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and go outside. Miss Foy says, “Your sister’s in Volney, right? Know her address?”
“812 Center Street. Apartment 2.” We learned to address envelopes at school last week.
I go to the barn and rub Jude’s nose. “Thanks, Girl. You are a noble beast,” Then it’s a long ride over dark slick roads to a hospital for Daddy.
Chuckles Cont. from Page 2
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". And I am obviously very wise. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs work. I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week. Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone in India who I can't understand anyway? Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus ? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin ?" A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife." DEFINITION OF OLD
MAYBE..........This will provide a few chuckles!?
#1 I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"!
R. L. “Pete” Peterson is a regular contributor to The Paper with a number of cover stories to his credit. He also mentored a Writer’s Group at the Escondido Public Library for five years.
#2 Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied: "Two years older than me".
"So you're 96," the undertaker com-
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
#3 Reporters interviewing a 104year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
#4 I've sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. #5 I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
#6 An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week" #7 My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. #8 Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#9 It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
#10 These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' Shotguns and Spoons
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Stevens 320 shotgun right in the doorway. I gave it 6 shells, and noticing that it had no legs, even placed it in my wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house.
Chuckles Cont. on Page 10
Letters to the Editor Cont. from Page 4
great calm and comfort to a nation at war. Those fireside chats were like a neighbor talking to a neighbor, a family member chatting with a nation of people glued to their radio sets. That's how we see Mayor McNamara.
Also, this week's cover story "America's Only Emperor" by Friedrich Gomez shows exactly why your vast readership has fallen madly in love with Friedrich. Why did The Paper let an entire month go by since his last cover story on Reincarnation (one of his best ever)? Emperor Norton is another masterpiece! Please listen to your fans. Thank you, Lyle.
From Arlene Anne Tibbets, North San Diego County. Another Friedrich Fan
Wow! We never knew! Where the hell were my history teachers' brains? All of us just finished reading about Emperor Norton by Friedrich Gomez in The Paper! Totally blew our minds! This is what makes The Paper impossible to ignore! Everybody's talking about this cover story!
Maria Elena Contreras-Hauser Family & Friends, Escondido, San Marcos to Oceanside! And yet another fan!
Emperor Norton story rules! And so does your writer Friedrich Gomez! He never ceases to amaze us! I easily understand why he is a fan favorite. Count me in, and move over, as I'm climbing on board!! The buzz out here is, why does The Paper take so long in publishing his stories (over a month since his last one?) Don't kill the Goose that lays the Golden egg. He's the reason I pick up The Paper each week. Geoffrey T. Lane Oceanside, California 92056
A Fan but with a Complaint
Lyle, is there any reason why you're reprinting a lot of past cover stories? The Paper has reprinted three old cover stories within a month. Doing Time in SD County Jail reprinted on Nov.19. A Christmas Story reprinted Dec. 24, and The Good Old Days reprinted on Dec. 31.
As longtime loyal fans I don't think this is good for your advertisers like Pala, SDG&E, The Computer Factory or all the Mayors who wish to get their voices out. Because frankly, a lot of us long time readers don't pick up The Paper if we see
. Letters to the Editor Cont. on Page 7
January 21, 2021
Local News Cont. from Page 4
from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and San Diego County Public Health as well as wearing PPE when near the gorillas. Research studies have verified that some non-human primates are susceptible to infection with SARS-CoV-2, but this is the first known instance of natural transmission to great apes and it is unknown if they will have any serious reaction.
“For almost one year our team members have been working tirelessly, with the utmost determination to protect each other and the wildlife in our care from this highly contagious virus,” said Peterson. “The safety of our staff and the wildlife in our care remains our number one priority.”
San Diego Zoo Global's wildlife care professionals and conservationists have cared for family groups of gorillas at the San Diego Zoo and San Diego Zoo Safari Park for decades and contribute their expertise in efforts to protect this species in the Ebo Forest of Cameroon. San Diego Zoo Global has strict biosecurity measures in place to protect all of the wildlife in its care and has successfully protected its wildlife populations from emerging disease threats in the community such as Newcastle's Disease and West Nile Virus. In March 2020, as the community responded to the pandemic, San Diego Zoo Global scientists worked with disease experts to share their expertise in biosecurity with USDA, AZA, and other organizations, establishing industry practices for protecting wildlife worldwide. The San Diego Zoo Safari Park, like many public facilities, has been closed to the public since December 6. The primate habitat at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park allow the great apes to be a safe distance from all guests at all times and pose no public health risk.
About San Diego Zoo Global As a leader in conservation, the work of San Diego Zoo Global includes on-site wildlife conservation efforts (representing both plants and animals) at the San Diego Zoo, San Diego Zoo Safari Park, and San Diego Zoo Institute for Conservation Research, as well as international field programs on six continents. The work of these entities is made accessible to over 1 billion people annually, reaching 150 countries via social media, our websites and the San Diego Zoo Kids network, in children’s hospitals in 12 countries. The work of San Diego Zoo Global is made possible with support from our incredible donors committed to saving species from the brink of extinction.
. Local News Cont. on Page 7
The Legislature Must Lead
COVID-19 has claimed the lives of about 1.8 million people worldwide, approximately 27,000 of which are right here in California. The virus captures our attention, while many other long-standing issues are ignored.
We aren’t prepared for the next drought, wildfires pose an everincreasing threat, and our insufficient power grid has led to rolling blackouts as a fire prevention tactic. Violent crime is rising and our already-failing education system is in shambles after almost a year of COVID-19. Homelessness is a national disgrace. The exodus of Californians into more livable states is chipping away our tax base and could cost us congressional representation. The opioid epidemic is still devastating families and communities. Economic devastation is spreading, and even many businesses that remained open are teetering on the brink. Thousands of Californians are struggling to receive unemployment benefits they are owed due to massive EDD failures. Last year, COVID-19 closures cut short the legislative session, limiting our ability to respond. This year, lawmakers must get to work and stay at work despite the pandemic. Suffering Californians deserve no less. The governor is well intentioned but incapable of fixing problems on his own. The persistent issues at EDD
prove that. Big announcements, with task forces and strike teams that accomplish nothing are not the answer. I stand ready to tackle these issues in a bi-partisan manner. Last session, for example, my colleagues and I called for a special session to stay and work, but our requests were ignored. Things only got worse. The COVID-19 health crisis quickly morphed into an economic crisis. Our duty is to make the changes and reforms needed to get California moving again, to give every person the opportunity to thrive – in a safe environment – so all can achieve their potential and their dreams. Let’s get started. Assembly Republican Leader Marie Waldron, R-Escondido, represents the 75th Assembly District in the California Legislature, which includes the communities of Bonsall, Escondido, Fallbrook, Hidden Meadows, Pala, Palomar Mountain, Pauma Valley, Rainbow, San Marcos, Temecula, Valley Center and Vista.
News for the Social Butterfly? Send your press releases to: email@example.com
5th District Supervisor
We must get the COVID-19 vaccine to San Diegans! To me, this is the most important task in San Diego County. While our COVID-19 numbers continue to rise, we know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
We’ve known for months the vaccine would be here, but unfortunately the State isn’t acting fast enough. As of last week, California had received about 1.3 million vaccines for distribution, but unfortunately only 35% of the vaccines had been distributed. That’s not good enough!
When each congress person and two staffers get to skip to the front of the line and get the vaccine, but an 85-year-old in a nursing home isn’t able to, the system has failed us. Progress has been made in San Diego County. Last week, the County opened the vaccine superstation at Petco Park and has set the goal of getting 5,000 people vacci-
nated a day. In North County, our local hospitals and health care providers are continuing to vaccinate the nearly 500,000 health care workers in our region.
In the meantime, we must get this vaccine to the people. We must especially get this vaccine to seniors and the most vulnerable, including people with underlying conditions. I will continue to fight for North County to lead the way when it comes to vaccinations! If you have questions regarding the COVID-19 rollout, please don’t hesitate to reach out, Jim.Desmond@sdcounty.ca.gov.
For a great GIFT idea anytime of the year Give a gift subscription to The Paper!
Letters to the Editor Cont. from Page 6
another old reprint. Why bother? A lot of us are more than disappointed.
By the way, your current story on Emperor Norton is a smash hit! Friedrich Gomez is a masterful storyteller who could even write about a motor vehicle manual and make it interesting. And give us more Pete Peterson, but NOT A REPRINT! Pete Peterson is another great writer so why keep him in the dugout, along with Mr. Gomez? We're your fans, Lyle. Meet us halfway. -From Patrick Flannigan & his Big Irish Clan & Family Friends, Oceanside to Escondido. Editor’s Note: Fair criticism.
By way of explanation, “A Chistmas Story” has been reprinted, perhaps, four times in the 22 years we’ve owned The Paper. It is a Christmas oriented story similar in some respects to A Christmas Carol,” “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer,” “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, and “Frosty the Snowman.” It is a traditional Christmas story that we occasionaly re-run just because we think it’s the right thing to do at the right time of year. As to the “Doing Time in San Diego County Jail,” and “The Good Old Days,” these were stories we reprinted because (a) we thought they were good stories that needed to be told and/or retold for the benefit of new readers, (b) “The Good Old Days” was reprinted because we felt it time to remember “the good times” before this crazy pandemic and the daily depressing diet of news we’ve all be subjeced to. We wanted to take our readers back to happier times and memories and I think we did, (c) Stories submitted by several of our writers we felt were not right for that time or perhaps fell short of our usual standards, so we reverted to stories we knew our readers had enjoyed in the past and, we felt, would likely enjoy again.
In the end, it’s a judgment call that an editor makes. Most times, we get it right. Sometimes, we may get it wrong. But we give it our best shot based on our knowledge of our reader base and what they want in cover stories.
Thanks for taking the time to write and share your thoughts and for your continued loyalty and support.
Page 7 • • January 21, 2021
Social Butterfly Cont. from Page 3
Wear colorful clothes and capes. We will clean up downtown!
We call ourselves "Caped Community Crusaders" and with our pickers and buckets we clean up around town every month. Parking lots, sidewalks, parks, the creek, and strip malls have all been targets for our efforts. And we have filled dumpsters over and over. What do we pick up? Lots of straws, cigarette butts, napkins, plastic forks, newspapers, plastic water bottles, glass containers, aluminum cans and, oh yes, the random couch, tire, shoes, discarded clothing and bags of doggie droppings. Our volunteers include seniors, adults, kids, Scouts, and high school students earning community service hours for their school classes, Character Leaders, and California Scholarship Federation. Those community service hours look really good on college applications. For schedules and locations (most are TBA), check out https://www.facebook.com/onlyloserslitter.
Sign up for Watercolor Painting Class on Zoom - On Thursday, February 11th, the Watercolor Painting Class will be held on ZOOM, sponsored by Soroptimist International of Vista. Space is limited. The class will be from 4pm to 5:30pm. Cost is $40 and includes all art supplies delivered to your home (local addresses only). RSVP by February 5th. Carlsbad artist Ronni Rosenberg will lead us step by step to create our own beautiful watercolor painting, suitable for framing or for making into greeting cards. Funds raised will go directly to Soroptimist Dream programs to benefit women and girls. Connect with us at Soroptimist International of Vista & North County Inland, P.O. Box 382, Vista, CA 92085-0382; firstname.lastname@example.org; visit the website at www.soroptimistvista.org; or call 760.683.9427. The Soroptimist Mission is to improve the lives of women and girls through programs leading to social and economic empowerment. To learn more about our programs, go to www.liveyourdream.org. Also, please LIKE our Facebook Page.
Announcing a New Homeownership Opportunity in Encinitas - The San Diego Habitat for Humanity has an affordable home-ownership opportunity: Homes for sale in the City of Encinitas. San Diego Habitat for Humanity is pleased to offer two affordable homes located on Leucadia Boulevard for purchase by qualified buyers. Applicants who are selected will be invited to partner with Habitat to help build and buy their own home, which will be sold at an affordable price that will not be greater than 30% of the
Social Butterfly Cont. on Page 8
Historically Speaking by Tom Morrow
Today’s Civil Unrest Will Be Tomorrow’s History in the Making If you’ve ever wondered about what constitute “history,” well, we’ve been living a series of events over the past few weeks that will go down as the most historically significant and dangerous period since the War of 1812 and the Civil War. Our nation is being threatened like never before. You probably won’t hear or read much about the term “Posse Comitatus” (Poss-eh Com-it-tah-tus) or the “Alien and Sedition” laws, but they’re very much on the minds of many of today’s law enforcement and legislative leaders ... or at least they should be.
Posse Comitatus is a federal act signed into law in 1878 by President Rutherford B. Hayes. It calls for the limitation in the use of federal military personnel to enforce “domestic policies within the United States.”
Posse Comitatus does not prevent the Army National Guard or the Air National Guard, under a state governors’ “militia” authority from acting in a law enforcement capacity within their home state or in an adjacent state if invited by that state's governor. You’ve recently seen on TV the National Guard from the Washington D.C. area. The last time “federal” Army troops were used was in 1957 when President Dwight D. Eisenhower sent the U.S. Army’s 101st Airborne troops into Little Rock, Ark. to ensure AfricanAmerican teenagers could attend high school. T h e Arkansas governor, O r v a l Faubus, refused to deploy that state’s National Guard, hence Ike was forced to use the President Dwight U.S. Army Eisenhower to enforce the new school segregation law. Recently the term “sedition” has been thrown around in various news reports, but unless you’ve studied President John Adams and the turmoil surrounding his administration, or you are a student of Civics, chances are you haven’t heard or know t h a t much about “sedition.” T h e “Alien and President John Adams S e d i t i o n Act” was rarely enforced because it
was a controversial law during John Adams’ presidency. In one instance, U.S. Rep. Matthew Lyon of Vermont was found guilty and sentenced to four months in jail for merely criticizing Adams.
Members of the Democrat-Republican party were outraged. (there were two other political parties at that time: the Federalist Party and the Whig Party). Thomas Jefferson wrote secretly to James Madison saying states had the "natural right" to nullify any acts they deemed unconstitutional. Jefferson speculated as a last resort the states might have to "sever ourselves from the union we so much value." Federalists reacted bitterly to the resolutions which were to have far-more lasting implications as the nation marched toward the Civil War. Still, the acts Adams signed into law energized and unified the Democrat-Republican Party while doing little to unite the Federalists. The definition of “Sedition” is the overt conduct such as speech and organization that tends toward rebellion against the established order. Sedition often includes subversion of the U.S. Constitution and incitement of discontent toward, or rebellion against, established government authority. Sedition may include any commotion, though not aimed at direct and open violence against the law. Seditious terms in writing can be considered libel. A seditionist person is one who engages in or promotes the act of sedition. This describes exactly what President Donald Trump is accused of in the recent U.S. House. impeachment charges.
The U.S. Constitution places primary responsibility for the holding of elections in the hands of the individual states. The maintenance of peace, conduct of orderly elections, and prosecution of unlawful actions are all individual state responsibilities. President Trump suspected, albeit unsubstantiated, various state law violations primarily in Pennsylvania and Georgia. He and his followers claimed because of these suspected violations, the presidency was denied him for a second term. Whether he and his legal team were right, the civil protests following last November’s general election has resulted in unprecedented national upheaval the likes never seen since the British ransacked Washington D.C. in 1814. It has divided the nation like nothing else since our Civil War. Last summer, the George Floyd protest in Washington D.C. generated controversy when National Guard troops were called in to suppress the unrest. The Guard operates In Washington D.C. as a state militia not subject of Posse Comitatus restriction even though it is a federal entity under the command of the President and the Secretary of the Army. The “right” or “wrong” of these last few weeks will be studied by historians for years to come. President Trump will either go down in history as a hero or a most-hated villain -- depending upon who you believe, of course. The final decision will be determined by historians, years after we’re gone. They’ll no doubt come to a variety of conclusions – depending, of course, how they interpret these last days of 2020 and the early days of 2021. There will be books written and commentary given by media pundits of today, then, as we all die off, future historians will come to their own conclusions – right or wrong. We won’t be alive to argue.
Page 8 • • January 21, 2021
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Social Butterfly Cont. from Page 7
buyer’s household income.
These are both single family homes — one is a single story 3-bedroom and one is a two-story 4-bedroom. Both have 2 baths and attached garages. We will be hosting a virtual homeownership orientation in the coming weeks where you can learn about the organization, the program requirements, and how to apply. Please submit your contact information to receive information about how to register for the orientation. In order to qualify for a Habitat home, you must: have a demonstrated needd for improved housing; be willing to partner with Habitat to build your own home; be able to pay an affordable mortgage (see income guidelines); and currently reside in San Diego County. Income guidelines: Family size 1; minimum income $40,050; maximum income $64,700 Family size 2; min. income $46,200; max. income $73,950 Family size 3; min. income $52,000; max. income $83,200 Family size 4; min. income $57,750; max. income $92,400 Family size 5; min. income $62,400; max. income $99,800 Family size 6; min. income $67,000; max. income $107,200 Family size 7; min. income
$71,650; max. income $114,600 If you haven't already, sign up for our homeownership interest list at bit.ly/buymyhabitathome. We will send you an email with information about how to register for an orientation. REGISTER and WATCH the homeownership orientation. It is recorded in both English and Spanish. APPLY to purchase a Habitat home. If, after viewing the orientation, you believe you are a good fit for our program, gather your documents and fill out an application! Applications will be provided after you watch the orientation.
to 18. Kids up to 18 still have time to participate in the reading challenge and earn a prize bag by reading five books before the end of January. Kids registered for the program online will be entered into weekly drawings for gift cards. Visit the Oceanside Public Library website for more information and to register.
What's Up Downtown Oceanside - Food Scraps Recycling 101, Jan. 25, Online. Businesses and employees are invited to tune in next Monday at noon for a short virtual refresher of what goes into recycling bins, ways to avoid contamination, examples of common contaminants and ways to find overall cost savings. A Q&A session will give attendees the opportunity to ask questions.
COVID-19 Related Emergency Rent Assistance - Ongoing, Oceanside. The Oceanside City Council has approved additional grant funds in the amount of $300,000 to assist Oceanside residents financially impacted by the coronavirus. One-time grants will help to cover up to three months of rent and utility assistance. Applications will be accepted and reviewed until funds have been depleted. Previous recipients of funding from this program are not eligible.
Have questions or need assistance? Please reach out to Shayna Hensley, Director of Homeowner Relations, at email@example.com or 619-283-4663 x114. Se habla español. San Diego Habitat for Humanity, 8128 Mercury Court, San Diego, CA 92111; 619.283.4663; sandiegohabitat.org.
Winter Reading Challenge Through Jan. 31, Oceanside- Ages 0
Established in Oceanside, 2020 Ongoing, Oceanside. Restaurant consultant Al Gordon, the host of our "Oceanside Strong" series, returns to host a round table discussion with four small business owners who launched their shops and restaurants in 2020. The "Established in Oceanside 2020" video gives a voice to businesses who opened their doors during a time when so many were forced to close. Featured businesses include Blooms Design House, The Switchboard Restaurant & Bar, Bliss Tea and Treats, and 101 Marketplace.
2021 Oceanside Small Business Grant Program - Ongoing, Oceanside. The City of Oceanside is again partnering with MainStreet Oceanside to manage and disburse funds to eligible Downtown Oceanside businesses. A tiered system that considers the business type and financial impact will be used to determine grant amounts. Grants ranging from $1,000-$7,500 will be awarded on a first-come, firstserved basis.
The "At Your Side" Small Business Grant Program - Jan. 21-28, Nationwide. Main Street America is partnering with Brother Office USA to offer a competitive grant program to help brick-and-mortar small businesses in designated Main Street districts as they work to adapt to COVID-19 and prepare for the next phases of reopening across the country. Grants range from $5,000-$10,000. Applications open Thursday, the 21st, and continue through the following Thursday, the 28th. For more information on any of these items, contact MainStreet Oceanside at 760.754.4512, www.mainstreetoceanside.com; 701 Mission Avenue, Oceanside, CA 92054.
Local DAR Chapter Heard Program on SDIA - The Santa Margarita Chapter, Daughters of the
Social Butterfly Cont. on Page 9
The Paper • Page 9 • January 21, 2021
One of the most enjoyable collectibles is that of a little box (in most cases) that plays lovely sounds. They have been around for a long, long time and can be extremely colorful and decorative. And they are indeed one type of collectible that you can place in even your nicest and most formal room. I’m sure you have figured it out what I am describing. Yes, that’s right—music boxes.
play vintage music boxes too many times, or you might wind up with a broken box or handle.
Keep in mind, too, that many boxes may look very good, but do not play good music. Music boxes are one type of collectible that I would not suggest that you buy from eBay, or for that matter, sight unseen, or sound unheard. You might be sorry later.
Music boxes date back to 1796, when Antonio Favre first incorporated a musical gadget in not only watches, but also pendants and perfume bottles. Pins were set into a revolving cylinder to pluck the teeth, which then produced a musical tone. The note produced by each tooth was determined by the length of that tooth. Aha, the invention of the music box. Much too technical for me no matter how simple it sounds. Some of the early music boxes have gone for as much as $1000 or higher. Not bad.
As a collector, you need to determine if you are collecting for looks, sound, scarcity, condition, or any other factor. Obviously, you should keep in mind that the older a music box, or any item for that matter, becomes, it becomes more fragile. I would not suggest that you try to
Again, lest I be accused of being too technical, God forbid, the cylinder apparatus gave way to a more mechanical device with the development of Kalliope disk music boxes in the late 1800s. They were designed to accept separate songdisks, allowing for the music box to play many different pieces. As you can imagine, this development would eventually lead to the demise of the music box, with the
advent of the record player.
As most people are aware, the designs of music boxes can be simply incredible. The creativity of the manufacturers is astounding. Some of the most beautiful pieces I have seen are those of carousels, human figures, as well as even animal adaptations. The beauty of music boxes is that they make for excellent gifts, as well as being collectible. And they are very affordable as well, unless you are trying to track down vintage music boxes that were manufactured 200 years ago. But I urge you not to play the music too many times if you have one that is vintage.
And keep in mind as well that you will want to take a close look, if it is possible, at the item, if you are buying it online or unseen. Even if you see a picture of the item, there may possibly be flaws when you finally handle the piece. To restore the piece might be quite costly. I know many people who enjoy collecting music boxes, and I think you will, too.
Social Butterflyo Cont. from Page 8
American Revolution, met via Zoom and were honored to have SgtMaj Lance Nutt USMC (ret) as our speaker. He spoke to us from the confines of his car after attending his son’s baseball game in Arkansas. SgtMaj Nutt has 30 years of honorable service including several tours in the middle east. He created Sheep Dog Impact Assistance (SDIA) to help those servicemen who experience difficulty in transitioning from a time of service to their country into civilian life. The name, Sheep Dog, describes those who run toward danger rather than away and our servicemen have been trained to do just that. To no longer have that mission of service can result in a traumatic transition.
Jeff Figler is a professional certified appraiser. His latest book The Picker’s Pocket Guide to Baseball Memorabilia has been #1 on Amazon. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or at 877-472-3087.
SDIA has a three step approach, depending on the needs of the new civilians. Outdoor adventure is the initial reach out program to engage veterans in appreciating the importance of living a better life. An 18 month mental health post traumatic growth program is second. The third program is disaster response mission. This emphasizes the opportunity to focus on a better life ahead by veterans giving back to the community in hopes that this new form of service will replace the purpose some veterans may believe they lost from no longer serving in the armed forces.
After 10 years of operation there are 27 SDIA chapters in 25 states across the country with 50,000 members. All staff are veterans, spouses and children of veterans. Volunteers are of all backgrounds. More information can be found at sheepdogia.org. SgtMaj Nutt will receive a certificate and honorarium for his informative presentation. The DAR is open to any female eighteen years of age or older who is lineally descended from an ancestor who assisted in some way in the colonists fight for independence in the American Revolution. Visit www.santamargarita.californiadar.o
Chuckles Cont. from Page 5
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn't rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong, and it's the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Alright, well I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat. •••• I need to buy a new alarm clock. The one I have keeps going off while I'm asleep. •••• I have nothing to apologize for. But I'm working on it. •••• When butterflies are in love, do they feel human's in their stomach? •••• Filming a movie in Italy about 4year-old cowboys. It's a paghetti western. •••• Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied . . . •••• I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I had lost exactly two weeks. Copywight 2013 Elmer Fudd. All wights weseweved.
Toucan (691193) is a beautiful 13year-old red tabby who’s looking for a home for his golden years. He lived with both cats and dogs in his previous home, but prefers to go exploring and climbing up high on things around the home, minding his own business. Toucan will need cat savvy owners who can read and understand his body language as Toucan can get overstimulated with too much petting. He doesn't like to be picked up and carried around. He would do best with adults only or older respectful children. To bring Toucan home and help him shine, please make an appointment today to speak with an adoption counselor at our Escondido Campus at sdhumane.org/adopt!
His adoption fee includes spay/neuter, current vaccinations, perm a n e n t microchip identification, a certificate for a free veterinary exam and an incentive for pet insurance from MetLife.
Page 10 • • January 21, 2021
Yes officer, I did hit a pedestrian, but instead of dwelling on that why not focus on how many I've missed •••• If I had to choose between pancakes or French toast, I'd waffle. •••• Elevator Fun
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
Ask if you can push the button for other people, and then push the wrong ones. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Don. How's your day been?"
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!" Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on." Tell people that you can see their aura.
Call out, "group hug!," then enforce it.
Old is when...
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love", and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both". Old is when....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. Old is when.... A sexy body on TV catches your attention and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
Old is when.... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police. Hello darkness my old friend, it's time to buy new bulbs again. NEWS FROM MEDICINE: Moderate Drinking Linked to Weight Loss; Heavy Drinking Linked to Threeways
There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning. I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." So I said "Come in and sit down."
I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"
So I immediately apologized and said "Sorry are you two whales from Scotland ? THE BLONDE WHO MARRIED A CATHOLIC
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, then crawled into bed, only to find her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, ' It's Lent.' In tears, she sobbed, ' Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! 'Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
Chuckles Cont. on Page 11
Sometimes we think something is impossible and we realize that, as someone put it, these events become “impossABLES”.
Our Plans, God’s Part and Other People
The $100 adoption fee for Fern includes medical exam, spay, up to date vaccinations, and registered microchip. For information about Adoption by Appointment or to become a Virtual Foster log on to www.SDpets.org.
One of them screamed "Its WALES you idiot!"
“comfortable” lives to teach us to depend on Him.
Pastor Sam Brumit Mission 316, San Marcos
The care providers in the Cattery describe her as confident, outgoing, and social with people. She might need a few days to get comfortable in her new surroundings.
They both had strange accents so I said "Hello Are you two girls from Scotland ?"
The Pastor Says...
Fern is pet of the week at your Rancho Coastal Humane Society. She’s an 8 month old, 6 pound, female, Domestic Short Hair cat with a black and white coat.
He said, "Beats the heck out of me! Nobody ever let me in before." •••• Not trying to impress your or anything but .. . I shower naked. •••• Was in a pub last night and saw two large girls by the bar.
Someone said “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”.
Boy is that true. I wonder what it would be like if we got all our prayers answered and we were running our lives. I believe the country song got it right with the idea “thank God for unanswered prayers”. Thinking we can control our lives is misguided. Proverbs 16:9 says “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”
Sometimes things happen that we don’t ask for or want. Sometimes it’s those very events that change us for the better. Even in times that are not “norma,l” God intervenes in our
Some things happen in our lives to demonstrate how much we need divine intervention. When we can’t handle something, it’s that very time we ask God to do it with us (or ask Him to allow us to do it with Him). It’s the “footprints in the sand” thing. Going through hard times does have another benefit. It’s during those times we can render support to each other. To benefit from this, however, it takes some vulnerability and willingness to share what’s happening. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, ‘But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.’
• Page 11 • January 21, 2021
A Weekly Message from the Mayor of Your Community published in the belief that it is important for elected leaders to communicate with their constituents and that constituents have a means of hearing from their elected leaders.
San Marcos • Mayor Rebecca Jones
Accessory Dwelling Unit information for your New Year’s renovation plans
Due to a change in state law in 2020, it is now easier to add an Accessory Dwelling Unit (ADU) or Junior Accessory Dwelling Unit (JADU) to your property. An ADU is an attached or detached residential dwelling unit that provides complete independent living facilities including permanent provisions for living, sleeping, cooking and sanitation on the same parcel as a single-family or multifamily dwelling. A JADU is 500 square feet or less and is contained entirely within an existing or proposed single-family residence. It must include a separate entrance from the single-family residence.
ADUs and JADUs include converting part of an existing home, adding on to the existing home, converting an existing garage or constructing a new detached structure. City Council approved the updates on Nov. 13, 2020. San Marcos residents interested in adding an ADU or JADU to their property will find answers to frequently asked questions on the “Zoning Information Page” at www.san-marcos.net under the “Planning” tab.
Vista • Mayor Judy Ritter
Start Spring Cleanin g Early! With new devices gifted during the holidays, some often wonder what to do with the old electronics and gadgets. Because cellphones, TV’s, tablets, computers or other electronic waste should not be thrown in trash containers, these devices pile up in our homes. Fortunately, the City offers free, convenient disposal of electronic waste and other hazardous waste items, such as old paint or motor oil.
Drop off your old gadgets and electronics or household hazardous waste at the Collection Facility located at 1145 E. Taylor Street on Saturdays from 9 am to 3 pm. There is no fee to Vista residents; however, proof of residency is required. Diverting these items from landfills and properly disposing of them are both good for our environment and for the whole community. Check CityofVista.com for more information.
Escondido • Mayor Paul “Mac” McNamara Greetings Escondido,
As I stated two weeks ago, we are going to discuss the resolutions or city priorities over the next few weeks. The first one is how are we going to have city services at the same level we had before without the 1 cent sales tax being allowed to be put on the ballot. As you may be aware, we have a CALPERS debt that is due to Sacramento. The city followed all of the funding guidance over the years from Sacramento but the funding plan fell short at the state level. So, the decision was made that the cities had to make up the shortage. We are not alone in this predicament. At our level, what this means is that we need to cut something to pay this bill. Everyone says cut the fat from the budget but we are already pretty bare bones. And the fear is that if you cut something in this case our city services too far back, you cross a threshold where the city becomes less desirable to live. As a simple example, if you don’t have the money to fund public safety at previous levels, you run the risk of crime increasing. This will be a big challenge. The 1 cent sales tax would have solved the problem and so it will probably be brought up again to the council to put it on the ballot to let the voters decide. Stay informed, Be Kind, Remember your neighbor, and Stay safe! Semper Fi, Mac Paul P. McNamara Mayor of Escondido email@example.com
Chuckles Cont. from Page 10
Great Jewish Curses
May you be reunited in the world to come with your ancestors, who were all socialist garment workers. May you grow so rich that your widow's second husband is thrilled they repealed the estate tax.
May you feast every day on chopped liver with onions, chicken soup with dumplings, baked carp with horseradish, braised meat with vegetable stew, latkes, and may every bite of it be contaminated with E. Coli, because the government gutted the E.P.A. May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable. May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only one surgeon in the world, the winner of the
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Nobel Prize for Medicine, is able to perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn't take your insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son. May you live to a ripe old age, and may the only people who come visit you be Mormon missionaries.
May your state outlaw the morning-after pill the day before your daughter comes home from the NFTY (North American Federation of Temple Youth) convention. May your son be elected President, and may you have no idea what you did with his damn birth certificate May the state of Arizona expand their definition of "suspected illegal immigrants" to "anyone who doesn't hunt." May you live to a hundred and
Chuckles Cont. on Page 12
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Escondido Mike’s BBQ
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Fri/Sat from 11am to 8pm
Paul & Nome Van Middlesworth, The Computer Factory
www. thecomputerfactory.net "San Diego's Best Computer Store 2015-2020" Union Tribune readers poll
Note: Electronic Recycling this coming Sunday, January 24th, 9am till noon, Computer Factory Parking Lot - 845 W. San Marcos Blvd. Sponsored by The Computer Factory and The San Marcos Lions Club! “And what we know, you ain’t had time to learn”
That Nancy Sinatra line from “These Boots are Made for Walkin” pretty much sums up the difference between the “computer techs” at The Computer Factory and the “computer techs” at Best Buy’s “Geek Squad” and other “Big Box” stores.
Notes from Pala Casino
Pala Casino is doing something right! Very right!
They are providing top entertainment for an entertainment starved public.
All safety protocols enforced so you can feel safe at a Pala Casino event but now they are offereing free covid 19 and antibody testing! Just call 760.292.6111 to make an appointment. These tests are available to the general public. Testing is offered from 11am to 3pm, subject to change.
Tickets for upcoming concerts are available and events at the Pala Privileges Center, or by calling 1877-WIN-PALA and asking to be transferred to the Privileges Center. Our main concert areas are the Events Center and Starlight Theater. While visiting Pala, you can purchase tickets at the Pala Box Office with no service charge
Page 12 • January 21, 2021
There is nothing wrong with them, they’re nice kids and at least their working, but they’re not really “computer techs.” Real “computer techs” have a comprehensive understanding of computer component options and how each relates to end user application options. A real “computer tech” understands the history and interplay between hardware, applications and operating systems. A “computer tech” can trouble-shoot and fix a wide range of hardware and applications problems. The Big Box “computer techs” can’t do that. Their job is to help the store sell the products that are on their shelves, not solve problems. When the “Geek Squad” types venture into trouble- shooting they’re out of their league. That’s probably why the Yelp rating for Geek Squad is one and a half stars. This is not a criticism of the Big Box stores or their employees. Entrée level expertise is all that’s required in Big Box stores because they’re primary focus is to move merchandise, not provide solutions. Providing solutions is our job and it requires a whole different approach and level of expertise. Our objective is to understand thoroughly each user’s needs or problem and to provide the best possible solution. We have a larger variety of PC styles and type than the retail stores and we have the ability to modify existing configurations or to build new PCs to any level or specification. We are primarily a computer service providing solutions for home and small business users. We don’t try
Chuckles Cont. from Page 11
twenty without Social Security or Medicare.
May you grow like an onion with your head in the ground, and then may the ground be fracked. May you make a fortune, and lose it all in one of Sheldon Adelson's casinos.
May your child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand. May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existing condition.
May God give you a daughter-inlaw who is as kind as she is beautiful, as patient as she is rich, as wise as she is devoted, a virtuous woman in every way. And then may a ballot initiative invalidate her marriage to your Rebecca. •••• When people see a cat's litter box they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I want to say, “No, it's for company!”
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be called in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'An ambulance.'
The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your
to sell; we try to provide the optimal solution that meets each user’s need.
We are featuring AIO (All in One) PCs in January. AIOs have been around for a decade but recent events have put them in the spotlight. They look exactly like twenty-two to twenty-four inch computer monitors, but they are actually powerful, completely integrated PCs. They have WiFi, Webcam, speakers, DVD reader/writer, solid state drive and all the bells and whistles. With late generation Intel i3, i5 and i7 processors and 8GB of RAM, the AIOs have more than enough speed for normal applications. They have a single cord (power), use wireless or standard keyboard and mouse and are priced between $350 and $550. These Dell, HP and Lenovo “enterprise refurbs” have the Windows10 Professional OS and are designed
by corporate ITs with particular emphasis on quality, performance and reliability. Retail Dell, HP and Lenovo PCs built with the Windows10 Home version are cheaply constructed with minimal warranties. They are designed to price compete in Big Box stores for the attention of relatively unsophisticated retail shoppers.
These “refurb” AIOs are perfect as home or business workstations; they take little space, have no messy cables and have a nice big comfortable screen. Excellent quality webcams, microphones and speakers are perfect for Zoom and Skype. Smart phones, tablets, Chromebooks and notebook PCs can handle most home and business Internet tasks but you really can’t beat the comfort of sitting down in front of a big screen with a real keyboard and mouse.
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body and your fat have gotten to. be really good friends.
For all men and women that remember the past--how different we are.
A wife was curious when she found an old negative in a drawer and had it made into a print. She was pleasantly surprised to see that they were at a much younger, slimmer time, taken many years ago on one of her first dates with her husband.
When she showed him the photo, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation, "That's my old Ford!" •••• Children in Church
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.
So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
Chuckles Cont. on Page 13
Scott Gordon Dudero, 79, of Escondido, CA., passed away on January 9, 2021. CaliforniaFuneralAlternatives.com Lorenzo Antonio Martinez, 61, of Escndido, passed away on January 2, 2021. CaliforniaFuneralAlternatives.com
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ERVICE DIRECTORY The Paper
Chuckles Cont. from Page 12
In church, one particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am." A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible.
He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out..
off is a piece of cake.
"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end. .. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'.
I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'. •••• Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed. •••• Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, 'where am I?' T
he farmer looks back up and shouts back, 'you're in a basket you big dummy!' •••• I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone
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.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. .. A will is a dead giveaway.
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. .. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
"You're both old," he replied.
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.. The batteries were given out free of charge.
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" "No, how are we alike?"
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.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
I mentally polished my halo, while I asked,
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"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit".
• Page 13 • January 21, 2021
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-yearold was resisting a rest.
.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired. .. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. .. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. .. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it. And the cream of the twisted crop:
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end. MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want
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if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meet-
ing or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People are always available for
Chuckles Cont. on Page 14
The Mighty Mojo Page The Paper â€˘ Page 14 â€˘ January 21, 2021
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Chuckles Cont. from Page 13 work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like. No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
I went downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 10:30.
With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?"
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, Silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough." SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at Him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
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"No," said her husband.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?" He said "No!", trying to hide his arousal.
She said ... "Check the garage." â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ After digging to a depth of 10 feet last year outside Buffalo, New York, scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
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Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles, California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly afterward, a story in the LA Times read, "California archaeologists, reporting a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers." One week later, a local newspaper in Omaha Nebraska reported, "After digging 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Kearney, Nebraska, Ole Olson, a heck of an engineer and a selftaught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Nebraska had already gone wireless." Just makes a person proud to be from Nebraska. â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 70
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.
Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50lb potato bags and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level). After you feel confident at that level, try it with a potato in each bag. â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘
The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was
Chuckles Cont. on Page 15
The Paper • Page 15 • January 21, 2021
Chuckles Cont. from Page 14
suggest we should hold auditions for her part. •••• Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. •••• The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake!" •••• My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!".
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" •••• A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor. •••• A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. Idle Thoughts of one Retiree's Wandering Mind
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. I am neither for nor against apathy.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible and I believed them. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
One nice thing about egotists ... They don't talk about other people. My weight is perfect for my height ... Which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. How can there be self-help groups?
NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF LARRY MANISICALCO Case No. 37-2020-00038803-PR-LA-CTL To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate or both, of Larry Maniscalco. A petition for probate has been filed by Lonny Maniscalco in the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, 1100 Union St., San Diego, Ca., 92101, New Central Courthouse - Probate Division. The Petition for Probate requests that Lonny Maniscalco be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take many actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed actions.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: February 04, 2021 Time: 1:30 pm . Dept: 503 Address of court: Same as noted above. HEARING MAY BE HELD REMOTELY DUE TO COVID RESTRICTIONS. PLEASE REFER TO COURT’S WEBSITE. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in Section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statues and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a peson interested in the estate, you may file with the court a Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petition or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for petioner: Erik D. Black 11s4 State Street, Suite 272 Santa Barbara, Ca. 93101 805.957.1922 01/14, 01/21 & 01/28/2021
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you A man who can't get his pants off. Is it just me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? Two old guys talking:
One said to the other: "My 85th birthday yesterday. Wife gave me an SUV" Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, an SUV! What a great gift!" First guy: "Yup. … Underwear and Viagra!"
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator! The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm... An officer is on the way.'
A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She
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NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF JENNYLYNN ELDORA BAGWELL Case No. 37-2020-00043354-PRLA-CTL To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate or both, of Jennylynn Eldora Bagwell. A petition for probate has been filed by Robert Coletta. in the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, 1100 Union St., San Diego, Ca., 92101, New Central Courthouse Probate Division. The Petition for Probate requests that Maren Miller be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take many actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed actions.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: March 23, 2021 Time: 11:00am . Dept: 504 Address of court: Same as noted above. HEARING MAY BE HELD REMOTELY DUE TO COVID RESTRICTIONS. PLEASE REFER TO COURT’S WEBSITE. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in Section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statues and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a peson interested in the estate, you may file with the court a Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petition or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for petioner: Byron K. Husted, Esq. of Morris Law Firm APC 01 West Broadway, Suite 1480 San Diego, Ca. 92102 Phone: 619.826.8060 1/14, 1/21 & 1/28/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2021-9000008 The name of the business: Kimbo Pest Solution; Kimbo Pest Conrol, located at 1747 E. Grand Ave., Escondido, Ca. 92027. Registrant Information: Victor Sebastian Bernardino Perez and Odalis Bernardino 1747 E. Grand Ave. Escondido, CA. 92027 This business is conducted by a Married Couple. First day of business n/a. /s/ Victor Sebastian Bernardino Perez; Odalis Leon Bernardino Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 1/04/2021 1/21, 1/28, 2/04 & 2/11/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020665 The name of the business: Sharon Kay Siron Legal Services, located at 2337 Altisma Way, Carlsbad, Ca. 92009. Registrant Information: Sharon Kay Siron 2337 Altisma Way Carlsbad, CA. 92009 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 1/1/1983 /s/ Sharon Kay Siron Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/16/2020. 12/31/2020, 01/07, 01/14 & 01/21/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020947 The name of the business: Oscar’s Mexican Food, located at 225 S. Rancho Santa Fe, San Marcos, CA. 92078. Registrant Information: Oscar Castro Davila 556 Starstone Pl. San Marcos, Ca. 92078 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 9/8/1992 /s/ Oscar Castro Davila Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/22/2020. 12/31/2020, 01/07, 01/14 & 01/21/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020958 The name of the business: Innerscape Wellness, located at 187 Calle Magdalena, Ste. 208, Encinitas, Ca. 92024.CA. Kathleen Marie Van Riper 2012 Shadytree Lane Encinitas, Ca. 92024 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business n/a. /s/ Kathleen Marie Van Riper Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/28/2020. 01/07, 01/14 01/21 and 01/28/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020905 The name of the business: California Backflow Specialist, located at 1701 Alta Vista Dr., Vista, Ca. 92084.. Registrant Information: Daryl Guthridge, Inc. 1701 Alta Vista Dr. Vista, Ca. 92084 This business is conducted by a corporation. First day of business 8/25/91. /s/ Daryl Guthridge, President /Sole Owner (S Corp) Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 12/21/2020. 01/07, 01/14 01/21 and 01/28/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9008953 The name of the business: MAIA BOTANICALS, Chem Free Living, located at 1050 Chinquapin Ave., Apt 11, Carlsbad, CA. 982008.lRegistrant Information: Lea Paanee Wester 1050 Chinquapin Ave., Apt 11 Carlsbad, CA. 92008 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business n/a.. /s/ Lea Paanee Wester Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 5/29/2020. 6/18, 6/25, 72 & 7/9/2020 FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9021023 The name of the business: Jazzercise Mira Mesa, located at 11048 Ice Skate Place, San Diego, Ca. 92126. Registrant Information: Rebecca D. Henselmeier 1558 Cove Court San Marcos, Ca. 92069 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 11/01/2020. /s/ Rebecca D. Henselmeier Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 12/29/2020. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/04/2021
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FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2021-9000167 The name of the business: Monarch Grove Childcare, located at 5282 Rio Plata Drive, Oceanside, CA. 92057. Registrant Information: Melissa Lynn Barajas 5282 Rio Plata Drive Oceanside, Ca. 92057 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business n/a. /s/ Melissa Lynn Barajas Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 01/07/2021. 1/21, 1/28, 2/04 & 2/11/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2021-9000003 The name of the business: Blooming Desert Growers, located at 3460 Gird Road, Fallbrook, Ca. 92028. Registrant Information: Lupe and Robert E. Oldfield,Jr. 1122 Dallas Rd. Fallbrook, CA. 92028 This business is conducted by a Married Couple. First day of business 01/19/2017. /s/ Robert E. Oldfield, Jr. Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 01/04/2021. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/04/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9021069 The name of the business: Ruben’s Concrete Services, located at 125 Smilax Rd., Vista, Ca. 92083. Registrant Information: Ruben Daniel Paramo 125 Smilax Rd. Vista, Ca. 92083 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business . 8/1/1988. /s/Ruben Daniel Paramo Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/31/2020. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/4/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020242 The name of the business: Lette Shop, located at 3890 Sipes Ln, Space 125, San Ysidro, Ca. 92173. Registrant Information: Nancy Arlette Ramirez Gamez 3890 Sipes Ln., Space 125 San Ysidro, CA. 92173 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 10/20/2020. /s/ Nancy Arlette Ramirez Gamez Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 12/09/2020. 1/07, 1/14, 1/21 & 1/28/2021
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