January 14, 2021
Volume 51 - No. 02
By Friedrich Gomez
On a bright Saturday morning, September 17, 1859, a homeless man who was mentally deranged boldly walked into the newspaper offices of the San Francisco Daily Evening Bulletin and left documents in which he laid claim to America; documents proclaiming himself as the rightful ruler of our country.
Before leaving the newspaper offices, he secured the promises of the newspaper editors that they The Paper - 760.747.7119
would read the documents he was about to leave in their trust. They did.
The documents identified the mysterious vagabond as Joshua Abraham Norton, age 41.
Within its pages he formerly decreed and declared upon himself the official title of: “Norton the First, Emperor of These United States.”
SAN FRANCISCO DAILY EVENING BULLETIN FIRST
BREAKS THE NEWS. Incredibly, the newspaper reported the story later that evening as a colorful local story; a fanciful whim of a most eccentric homeless citizen of San Francisco, of whom the populace had embraced, affectionately, as one of their own. The colorful tale would prove to be a historic one on Saturday, September 17, 1859, with the story headline reading: “HAVE WE AN EMPEROR AMONG US?” In newspaper vernacular, the story
America’s Only Emperor See Page 2
“grew legs” and was picked up and published by other dailies, in and outside of California.
The resulting fallout would launch the immortal legacy of “Norton the First, America’s Only Emperor,” as both a legendary and historical figure. The innocuous local newspaper story would, unexpectedly, set into motion a chain of events that would lead to one of the most fantastic chapters in American history.
America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 1
And a most colorful tale in the annals of California, all of which is almost totally forgotten today. The self-appointed potentate’s documents to the city’s newspaper that day went so far as to state that he had procured the support of San Francisco’s residents, as the paper quoted: “The large majority of the citizens.” In actual fact, this was largely true.
Although considered mentally unstable, this pretender to the throne had, in fact, ingratiated himself to the majority of San Francisco citizens who lovingly played along with his masquerade, bowing to him in royal fashion as he passed them on the streets.
Indeed, they had clasped him, affectionately, to their bosoms -- but not without reason. Unlike other homeless eccentrics who had lost their minds, this one was notably different.
He had a distinct grace about him; a genuine English accent; was educated in words and phrases; all wrapped with a bountiful and irresistible splash of color.
He wore an eye-catching royal uniform complete with a saber, and a top hat with large pink feather
Give Us This Day Our Daily Chuckle This week, a compendium of wit, wisdom and neat stuff you can tell at parties. Enjoy!
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
3) Overcharging fees to many clients. 4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case. And the list goes on for quite awhile.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and
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plumes majestically sprouting outward for all to admire. And he walked with perfect majestic posture, royal elegance, élan and panache. EMPEROR NORTON BECOMES THE CITY’S “MASCOT.”
As reported by various newspapers back in 1859, the people of San Francisco affectionately “adopted him as a sort of mascot for their city.” His eloquent speeches on street corners and parks were wonderful excursions of entertainment and harmless fun. They gathered in crowds to echo his claim as “Norton I, Emperor of the United States.” And the public was greatly protective of him.
They assembled never to laugh at him, but rather to laugh along with him as he often lampooned and criticized city officials for not doing their jobs properly, and holding their political feet to the proverbial fire, as he roasted them in regards to broken campaign promises. As with a treasured heirloom, Norton the First now belonged to the City of San Francisco.
And yet his greatest legacy was yet to happen; the greatest chapters of his life still in the shape of things to come.
says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the hoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell." •••• Hidalgo and his army was captured on its way through the mountains. All were courtmartialed and shot, except Hildago, because he was a priest. He was handed over to the bishop of Durango who excommunicated him and returned him to the army where he was then executed. •••• Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand •••• A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?". "Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator." •••• There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. •••• No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
THE BEGINNING OF A MOST FANTASTIC JOURNEY.
He was born Joshua Abraham Norton on February 4, 1818 in the Kentish town of Deptford, which today is a part of London. His parents were John and Sarah Norton who were English Jews, as well as successful farmers and merchants.
Although English-born, Norton spent most of his early life in South Africa with his parents. After the death of his mother in 1846 and his father in 1848, he set sail west, arriving in San Francisco on the ship Franzeska, on November 23, 1849. Norton is now 31-years-old and more than a little nervous as he disembarks the vessel, Franziska. Nervous, not so much as being a newcomer in a Brave New World, but nervous for secretive reasons.
He periodically has to reassure himself by nervously touching his bulging pockets now-and-then; pockets stuffed with over $40,000 in cash.
The $40,000 was inherited from his father’s estate. He dared not place the hard currency into his luggage for that would physically separate him from it. The paper bills, plentiful and carefully folded in large denominations, are now carefully stuffed, abundantly, into his various pockets. Norton has every right to feel
- Jean Giradoux •••• A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two. •••• There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge. •••• "I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's discuss his absence of character! - Michael Lara •••• "There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest. For example, when he filed his income tax return last year, he declared half of his salary as 'unearned income.'" - ibid •••• Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree. •••• In every case both lawyers assert that they know the law, yet one always loses. Does this mean that 50% of all lawyers do NOT know the law? •••• Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why ?" asked the judge. "He won
uncomfortable; the $40,000 is an enormous sum in his day, equivalent to over one-and-a-quarter million dollars in today’s 2021 currency ($1,254,115.00 to be more precise).
While California’s Gold Rush (1848-1855) was fulfilling dreams for prospectors who had flooded into the state, Norton’s business senses went straight to work on a different tack.
He had been dabbling in real estate with modest success, but now, he sees a golden opportunity of gargantuan proportions. In December of 1852, Norton sees a business opportunity of a lifetime when China – which is facing a severe famine – places a ban on the exportation of rice. China’s ban on rice causes the price of rice supplies in San Francisco to skyrocket.
Noticing San Francisco’s large Chinese immigrant population, Norton “corners the market” by purchasing all the rice in the city. In addition, when he hears that the freighter, called the Glyde, was returning from Peru carrying over 200,000 pounds of rice – he decides to buy the entire shipment. He now owns all the rice in San
America’s Only Emperor Cont. on Page 3
your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole." •••• Three streetwalkers were in a New York City court, as well as Finkleman, an old Jewish peddler, arrested for selling panty-hose without a license. "This is all a mistake, yr Honor," said the first hooker. "I was just walking along with this guy --" "Just a minute, young lady," said the judge, "you've been here a dozen times. One hundred dollars fine. Next!"
"I'm a poor, private secretary," said the second girl, "and I wasn't doin nuthin --" "I recognize you too, miss," said the judge, "two hundred dollars or two days in jail. Next case!"
"Judge," said the third girl, "I'm a prostitute! I'm not proud of it, but it's the only way I can support my three kids. I'm guilty!"
"Young woman," said the judge, "I like your honesty. And because of it, I'm going to give you a break. Your case is dismissed. And sergeant,
Chuckles Cont. on Page 5
The Paper • Page 3 • January 14, 2021
career path he has chosen,” said William’s mother, who served as a Navy corpsman. “Although his path is different from my own, I know he will serve honorably.”
Evelyn Madison The Social Butterfly Email Evelyn at:
Oceanside Native Enlists in U.S. Navy - JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO-FORT SAM HOUSTON – (Jan. 6, 2021) Xavier Williams, 18, of Oceanside, Calif., took the oath of enlistment for service in America’s Navy at Navy Talent Acquisition Group (NTAG) San Antonio headquarters. Williams, a 2020 graduate of Reagan High School in San Antonio, will attend recruit training in March with follow-on training as an information systems technician (IT). “I joined the Navy to continue my family’s legacy of service and to protect my country,” said Williams. The oath was administered by his mother, Lt. Cmdr. Tsion Williams, of Fresno, Calif., department head, “C” School Programs assigned to Navy Medicine Training Support Center. “I am excited for him and for the
America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 2
Francisco, plus the new shipload of over 200 tons from the freighter Glyde which just came into port.
With the rice market securely cornered, Norton calculates that his initial $40,000 investment will, in time, eventually parlay into a massive fortune of around $250,000 which translates to a staggering $8½-million today! Norton’s projected wealth will be equivalent to a millionaire, 8 times over -- plus some! He is now sitting on top of the world. And as an immigrant, he becomes a model of success and inspiration for other foreigners to dream about emigrating to the Land of Plenty. NORTON’S SUDDEN BANKRUPTCY DRIVES HIM TO INSANITY.
Shortly after he signed the lucrative contract for the entire ship’s tonnage of rice (as well as buying up all the rice in San Francisco), several other shiploads of rice, unexpectedly, arrive from Peru. These new shiploads of rice suddenly create an over-abundance of rice. Rice now plummets like Icarus from the sky, sending the price of rice downward to a meager three cents a pound!
Xavier Williams, sworn in by his mother, Lt. Cmdr. Tsion Williams, of Fresno, Calif.
Film Star Replicates Roman Villa in Valley Center - A brief mention of a Roman villa in the December issue of a magazine brought a flurry of calls to the Valley Center History Museum asking for more information on the home, the actor who commissioned the house, and the architect who designed what was called "a showplace of its day." Looking at the 90-year-old house today, it is difficult to imagine that it once was a Greco-Italian palazzo, a palatial country estate whose bright white exterior featured ornate and impressive mosaics, gargoyles, heavy relief molding, ornamental stone finials, and an indoor reflecting pool, all surrounded by gardens and tall cypress trees. According to archival data collected by the Valley Center Historical
Joshua Abraham Norton, now age 35, is in complete financial ruin.
He files for bankruptcy. By 1858 he is living in greatly reduced circumstances, dwelling at a working class boarding house. From there, he continues to spiral downward. Hitting rock bottom, Norton loses his sanity.
His mental stability is now, no longer. His envisioned ‘king’s ransom’ is also gone. His sultan-rich bank account has cruelly vanished. Once evaluated as one of San Francisco’s wealthiest men, and often regaled as being “As rich as an emperor” – he is now povertystruck. His immigrant’s dream is now no more. Norton loses his clarity of mind. And his sense of reality. He resorts to a fantasy world. His delusions of grandeur now compensate him. His demented mind comforts him. Norton’s insanity takes him away from a cruel reality and into the refuge of believing himself as – not only vastly rich again -- but as the rightful “Emperor of the United States.”
It is a fantasy world in which he will now dwell for the reminder of his life. IN 1859 NORTON REEMERGES, REBORN AND REINVENTED AS AMERICA’S ONLY EMPEROR. Joshua Abraham Norton now re-
Society, Valley Center architectcontractor Joseph Linton Van Doren returned from Italy in 1930 where he had drawn up plans to design and build a copy of a villa he had seen in Rome. His client was movie actor David Rollins, at the time a popular young film star whose name is virtually unknown today. The home was constructed on a remote hillside parcel off Paradise Mountain Road. The villa remained the primary residence of Rollins until 1959 when it was sold to John and Dorothy Simon. By 1970, however, the palazzo appears to have been abandoned and many of the defining features of the villa began to disappear.
Actor David Rollins was 18 in 1927 when he began his film career as a juvenile lead in light comedies, eventually featured in more than 20 films. According to relatives who live in Murrieta, his career came to a crashing end when Hollywood gossip columnist Louella Parson ran a damaging story about him, and his contract with Fox Films was not renewed. Later in life, he made an occasional guest appearance on TV series. He died in 1997 in San Diego County at age 89. Architect Joseph Van Doren was well-known in the Valley Center business community, having served as an officer in the local Chamber of Commerce. His descendants, who still live in Valley Center, said he built many of the early adobe homes in Valley Center and Pauma Valley, as well as his own home on
emerges, years later, from his secluded and broken life, totally reinvented, complete with new persona, attire, mindset, and imaginary world. He is now 41 years old.
Though he is in a delusionary world, and without a home of his own, he nevertheless has retained his luster of speech. His gift of gab remains intact. And his vocabulary still expansive, articulate, and colorful.
On the surface, his mind seems normal, even strangely gifted and insightful.
Except for his claims to royalty and his delusionary sovereignty, he has an – otherwise – congenial personality and infectious optimism. He believes his royal crusade can rectify and overturn social and political injustice and economic strife, not only in San Francisco – but across the entire United States, which he now sees as all part of his imperial domain. HIS ENTRANCE UPON THE SAN FRANCISCO SCENE WAS IMPECABLE TIMING.
The timing and appearance was ripe for Emperor Norton’s delusionary appearance. San Francisco in 1859 was a time of economic woes and instability (California had recently achieved statehood on September 9, 1850), and Emperor Norton preached words that
Woods Valley Road. He died in 1980 at age 87 and is buried in Valley Center Cemetery.
Now 90 years old, the sturdy villa remains a private residence, albeit without its original defining ornamental accoutrements. Among the interior features that have long defined the residence are huge wooden doors that open into an interior courtyard with a pale blue reflecting pool surrounded by Greek Doric columns and a large rectangular skylight above the pool. For more information, contact the Valley Center History Museum by mail, email at firstname.lastname@example.org, or by calling (760) 749-2993. The museum is temporarily closed due to the pandemic, but a volunteer responds to all inquiries.
Stripped of its original GrecoItalian architectural elements, this 90-year-old house, seen about 1970, is a copy of a Roman villa.
David Rollins was a popular lead actor in light comedies, few of which survive. Palomar Health Flu Clinics Announced - Palomar Health is continuing to offer flu clinics in the
Social Butterfly Cont. on Page 9
seemed unequivocally wise and true and of which many yearned to hear: “I wish to enact then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union as may ameliorate the evils under which the country is laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity.” Such words were both comforting and rang true of the existing times.
Even if such words sprang forth from the mind of an indigent, from the unlikely cesspool of poverty, they were the stuff of truth. Truth is nonetheless truth, regardless of the source from which it springs -- so reasoned the city’s populace. Despite his mental instability, he seemed strangely educated. He would frequently give lengthy philosophical expositions on a variety of topics to anyone within earshot.
To reiterate, the appearance and timing of Emperor Norton seemed perfect: the city was fatigued and disillusioned from political chaos, misrepresentation, economic woes, a frightening and uncertain future, not to mention a ledger of horrifying natural disasters under which they had long suffered: between 1849 and 1851, San Francisco was
America’s Only Emperor Cont’d on Page 5
The Paper Escondido Massage Therapist Arrested for Sexual Battery
Patrick Graham Stone, arrested on multiple sexual battery charges
Beginning on 12-23-20, the Escondido Police Department began investigating an allegation of sexual battery involving Patrick Graham Stone (DOB 06/12/1984), who operates a massage therapy business in Escondido. A female victim reported to the police that Mr. Stone had inappropriately touched her in a sexual manner during a massage she received from him at his business, Stone Medical Group, at 1299 E. Pennsylvania Ave Ste. A in Escondido. On January 6, 2021 a second female victim reported being inappropriately touched by Mr. Stone in a similar manner while getting a massage. On January 7, 2021, detectives from the Escondido Police
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Department conducted an undercover sting operation where Mr. Stone inappropriately touched a female detective and was subsequently arrested for multiple sexual battery charges stemming from the three incidents. He will be booked into the Vista Detention Facility on the sexual battery charges. The Escondido Police Department is currently seeking help from the public in identifying if there are any other victims that have not come forward. If you have been a victim of Mr. Stone or have any information regarding these incidents, please contact Escondido Police Detective Lee Stewart at 760-8394422 or you can leave a tip online or by phone. Please follow the police department via Facebook at www.facebook.com/EscondidoPoli ce and Twitter and Instagram (@EscondidoPolice). Text EscondidoPD to 888777 for community alerts from Nixle. To report any suspicious activities in your neighborhood, you may contact the Police Department directly, or you may make an unidentified call on our “Anonymous Tip Line” at (760) 743-TIPS (8477) or via our Web site at police.escondido.org. Failed Attempt in Carlsbad to Enforce covid19 Rules
Carlsbad restaurant owners and employees argued successfully lastweek against a proposal to step up the city’s enforcement of state and county health orders to prevent the
tion he was told, they would be fined. Meanwhile, a pizza restaurant two doors east was wide open, serving hungry patrons. “What’s with the pizza restaurant,” the Burger Bench owner was asked. “Oh, he just pays the fine and makes enough revenue in half a day to pay it,” he was told. Sometimes life just ain’t fair.
We’ve dined at the Burger Bench. A eatery with superb menus and Man About Town great good service. I hate to see them It’s been an interesting time in our shut down, even temporarily. life. Not a particularly fun one, but Other top eateries are also shut interesting. down. Meanwhile, some restauYou’ve heard, seen, and read rants, smaller, remain open. They enough about things going on are, apparently, under the radar of nationally. We’re more concerned health authorities. with what’s happening in North San Mayor Paul McNamara of Diego County. That’s home. Escondido has said the city is not Lots of anecdotal information that is going to enforce the shut down laws hard to confirm because a lot of with their police department. businesses are either closed or not answering their phones. That makes “We’ll respond to complaints but only with a code enforcement offiit hard to confirm information. cer. He or she will visit the business One of our readers, supporters, and and advise them a complaint has contributor, told me that most of the been filed. But our code enforcerestaurants on Grand Avenue in ment officers will not issue a citadowntown Escondido are closed. tion or fine.” He visited one in particular, The Burger Bench, and talked to one of The Sheriff’s Department lacks the owners who told him they had to jurisdiction in Escondido and the close the next day or be cited. If County Health department has a they did not comply with the cita- limited number of agents who are
January 14, 2021
spread of COVID-19.
Councilwoman Cori Schumacher’s request for the city to establish citations and fines for violators was aimed at eateries that continue to operate in a “peaceful protest” of the health orders in the downtown Village, the council district she represents.
None of the other Carlsbad City Council members supported her motion Tuesday. Instead, the council agreed to discuss at a future meeting a more comprehensive approach to compliance including assistance programs for businesses that follow the rules and collaboration with other cities and the county. About 30 Carlsbad restaurants have been issued cease and desist orders, and nine cases have been referred to the district attorney’s office for potential prosecution so far, city officials said. However, the city has not issued any fines or citations. Many owners and employees said their businesses are fighting for survival because of COVID-related restrictions and shutdowns.
Several speakers accused Schumacher of pushing the issue to advance her own political interests. Schumacher said she proposed the enforcement because of the increasing number of violations and the need to protect residents. Mayor Matt Hall said he liked the idea of incentives, but he also would oppose any more restrictions on small businesses.
able to enforce any cease and desist orders so a number, usually of smaller restaurants are not bothererd by visits from county health officials. “It’s a risk we have to take,” one prominent local small restaurateur told me. “All of our competitors are staying open so we have to as well.” Restaurateurs have already invested thousands of dollars in trying to comply with the lockdown orders . . .renting or buying tents to serve outdoors, heaters and propane gas tanks to keep the outdoor serving facilities warm . . . and retaining cooking and serving staff, even when the days and or evenings are slow and not a lot of revenue is coming in. It’s a struggle just to break even. Many retaurateurs are staying open even though they are not only not breaking even but losing money. They are, essentially, investing in their own future, hoping for better times and the slowing or shutting down of the pandemic.
Meanwhile, big-box stores like Costco and Walmart are allowed to remain open. We are very impressed with the compassion exhibited by Mayor Paul “Mac” McNamara of Escondido and District Supervisor Jim Desmond. They both recognize and acknowledge a problem but they take a pragmatic view of the situation. “It’s
Letters to the Editor Dentistry
I just read where you cancelled ads in The Paper for questionable dental practices & ethics (Jan. 7, 2021 issue, pg. 12). The dentist in question took advantage of seniors by providing unnecessary and expensive dental work. She was put on probation when her license to practice should have been terminated. I applaud The Paper. You lost a lucrative advertising client because you cared more about fighting the unethical treatment of elderly people on a fixed income who were wrongfully exploited financially. Mr. Lyle Davis, editor of The Paper, we are very, very proud of you.
Letters to the Editor Cont. on Page 12
Supervisor Desmnd, “to shut down the little guy while high traffic convenience stores and a number of retail businesses are allowed to stay open just isn’t fair. The seesawing of people's livelihoods one week before Christmas was devastating.”
“With over 1,000 new covid cases in Escondido just in the first week of January, we are very concerned. We are not sure why there was this sudden jump but we are looking into it. In the interim, I need to ask all of us to recommit to complying with the guidance for this pandemic. Let's work together, let's keep our families safe, and encourage the businesses that you frequent to comply as well. We know it's frustrating but we need to work together.” We don’t have the answers yet as to how to fairly deal with the pandemic and businesses but I have confidence in our leadership. Good people like Mayor McNamara and Supervisor Desmond are hard at work, seeking the answers that will work. While we exercise great caution, wear our masks, wash our hands, keep a 6’ distance . . . we still will patronize some of the smaller restaurants that remain open.
Probably not with the same frequency as in normal times but we want them to survive. So we will support them. These are tough times for us all. But, together, we will survive and life will improve.
America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 3
almost entirely destroyed by seven different fires.
And each time that the people had to rebuild their city from the ground up, not to mention their own lives, their jobs, and financial ruin – the city’s politicians vowed and took oath on the Holy Book in public ceremonies to take safety measures to never have cataclysmic death and destruction visit their city again. And yet, within three short years, horrifying conflagration revisited their city, over half-a-dozen times, each wreaking destruction that was physical, emotional, traumatic, and psychologically unspeakable. In the wake of all this, the selfcrowned sultan’s sudden appearance on the horizon was immaculate timing. And his critical testimonials on street corners, against San Francisco’s political hierarchy, was the lightning rod that drew the people towards him. For most, Emperor Norton symbolized everything that was right. In essence, he gave voice to the hearts, hopes, and aspirations of the people.
After all, he was one of them. Not a political worm with a ledger of broken promises and a hidden selfserving agenda. With Norton, the people could genuinely identify. They also were often downtrodden, under foot, and left penniless and homeless from seven consecutive deadly infernos. They also had wandered the streets, lost souls, among the dead and debris. Like him, the people identified.
Unto him they vested their trust.
And no longer with the politicos did they adhere, the politicos who had betrayed their trust, leaving them with empty promises, and abandoning them to repeated squalor, destruction, and fiery death. AMERICA’S ONLY EMPEROR LOOKED AFTER THE CITY’S RESIDENTS AS WOULD A LOVING FATHER.
Norton spent his days surveying and inspecting San Francisco’s streets, in an elaborate blue uniform with gold-plated epaulettes given to him by officers of the United States Army post at the Presidio of San Francisco. Aside from top hat, he also wore a beaver hat decorated with peacock feathers and a bright rose. He often enhanced his imperial posture with a cane or umbrella.
During his inspections, he would examine the conditions of the sidewalks and cable cars, the state of repair of public property, and even the proper dress, grooming, and hygienic appearance of the city’s police officers. San Francisco
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police officers saluted him on a regular basis whenever he came into view.
Aside from bowing to His Imperial Majesty, crowds of spectators often gathered about Norton, lovingly encircling him, as he often appointed some of them “King or Queen for a Day,” as loyal members of his royal subjects. It mattered not that such “anointments” were imaginary; it made the people feel special and worthy, once more. And Norton stayed current with the times. A few years later, in 1863, he took the secondary title of “Protector of Mexico” after French Napoleon III invaded Mexico, thus becoming: “Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.” NORTON DECREES A $25 FINE FOR ANYONE WHO UTTERS THE WORD “FRISCO” WITHIN CITY LIMITS.
For Norton, San Francisco and its citizenry were never to be disrespected, even in the slightest. For example, he announced to all the newspapers that his new edict was a stern and unforgiving warning against anyone using the term “Frisco” within city limits. His decree stated: “Whoever after due and proper warning shall be heard to utter the abominable word ‘Frisco,’ which has no linguistic or other warrant, shall be deemed guilty of a High Misdemeanor, and shall pay into the Imperial Treasury as penalty the sum of twenty-five dollars.” (Note: $25 during Norton’s day was a hefty sum that is equivalent to $533 today. To this day, many residents of San Francisco still consider “Frisco” as an insult in describing their beautiful and cultural city by the bay. Incredibly, Norton’s legacy continues to be respected.) THE ARREST OF NORTON CAUSED AN UPROAR IN SAN FRANCISCO! Because several of his viewpoints seemed bizarre, some newcomers to
America’s Only Emperor Cont. on Page 6
Chuckles Cont. from Page 2
give this girl fifty dollars out of the Policemans Fund!"
Now comes Finkelman, the old Jewish peddlar arrested for selling pany hose without a license. "Your Honor," he pleaded. "I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm a prostitute!" •••• "You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness •••• There was a young man shipwrecked on an island. He found a magic lamp on the shore one day, picked it up and rubbed it. A Genie appeared. However, he was not a typical Genie, he was an attorney Genie. When the Genie told the man he was also an attorney the man laughed and said, "Oh come on, Genies can't be attorneys too!"
The Genie said he would prove it. He told the man to make his three wishes, but on one condition, for every wish he made, all attorneys were granted DOUBLE of what the man wished for. The man pondered the offer and decided that something was better than nothing and decided his three wishes.
"My first wish is for 1 million dollars". The Genie reminded the man that he would grant the wish, but all attorneys would get double that amount. The man agreed and then made his second wish. "My second wish is for a beautiful blonde with blue eyes." Once again the Genie granted the wish and also granted all attorneys with two of the blonde eyed babe.
The Genie announced that the man had one more wish and to consider his choice carefully. The man thought for a moment. Suddenly he drew the Genie's attention to a piece of driftwood lying on the beach. He told the Genie: "For my next wish, please pick up that piece of driftwood and beat me HALF to death!" •••• Cindy: “Mommy, Zach broke my baby doll!” Mommy: “I'm sorry, sweetheart. How did in happen?” “I hit him over the head with it. •••• Mother: “Tommy, why did you kick your little sister in the stomach?” Tommy: “I couldn't help it. She turned around too quickly.” •••• Johnny: “Why are you down?” Mike: “My sister said she wouldn't talk to me for two weeks” Johnny: “Why does that upset you?” Mike: “Today's the last day.” ••••
A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was very insistent. His response was, "Yes, sir!" Correcting him, she said, "You would say, 'yes, sir,' to a man. I am a lady, and you would say 'yes, ma'am,' to a lady." To quiz him on this lesson, she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?" "Yes, sir!" came the reply.
"Then what would you say to Mama?" "Yes, ma'am!" he proudly answered.
"Good job! Now, what would you say to Grandma?
He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?" •••• If you think I'm creepy, check this box: [ ]. Then pass this note back through your bedroom window. •••• How come no one asks the really hard questions . . . like, “who did Adam and Eve’s children make babies with?” •••• This is my stepladder. My real ladder left when I was five. *** I guess that’s not what you had in mind when you asked me to mount the moose head. •••• Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy vodka, comic books, midget strippers, a pony and . . . Oh, God! I’m so happy! •••• Planned a romantic evening at home with a nice bottle of wine. Not sure what my girlfriend is doing though. •••• I dated the Pillsbury Dough Boy and all I got was this lousy yeast infection. •••• The thing with the Carpenters is . . . the music is a bit thin. •••• I’d like to thank the Y chromosome for making me the man I am today. •••• Barefoot and pregnant is no way to go through life. It is, however, the way to go through Walmart. •••• If I don’t rinse this soap off I can save a lot of time at my next shower. •••• How does it change many dyslexics to take a light bulb? •••• The worst part about wearing a cape is the toilet. •••• I heard the adjective left the noun because it had a tendency to be possessive. •••• Fun fact: Santa's suit was white before he dipped it into the blood of a thousand naughty children. ***
Chuckles Cont. on Page 10
America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 5
San Francisco saw him differently than the established residents. In 1867 a new security guard (not a police officer) by the name of Special Officer, Armand Barbier, arrested Emperor Norton for the purpose of having him committed for “involuntary treatment for a mental disorder.” The arrest outraged the citizens, and newspapers printed flaming editorials criticizing such behavior against their cherished emperor!
One newspaper, The Daily Alta, quickly came to Norton’s defense and printed a scathing condemnation of the arrest: “That he had shed no blood; robbed no one; and despoiled no country; which is more than can be said of his fellow in that line” Official Police Chief Patrick Crowley ordered that Norton be immediately released and issued an apology on behalf of the police force who had accepted the security guard’s motive. Norton graciously granted an “Imperial Pardon” to the disgraced and humiliated security guard, Barbier, who had made the arrest. Police officers of San Francisco, thereafter, diligently remembered to salute Emperor Norton out of respect and honor.
Norton continued on as usual, and made weekly inspections of San Francisco’s city jails, as police officers stood at attention while his majesty surveyed and jotted down notes, regarding this segment of his kingdom. SOUTHERN PACIFIC RAILROAD APOLOGIZES TO EMPEROR NORTON AFTER BEING KICKED OFF TRAIN!
While his legendary status was still blossoming, other incidents occurred which brought quick retributions. Norton was once taken off the train for not having the proper fare to ride. When the head of Southern Pacific Railroad found out, they immediately awarded Emperor Norton a special Gold Card, essentially granting him Imperial Carte Blanche and allowing him to travel anywhere, anytime, as long as he wishes – all without charge. All this, along with profuse apologies from the railroad conglomerate. MARK TWAIN & OTHERS PATTERN STORY CHARACTERS AFTER EMPEROR NORTON.
Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens, 1835-1910) was so beguiled by the real-life legacy of Norton that he chose to model his characters of The King and the Duke in his 1876 novel “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” after Emperor Norton. However, unlike Mark Twain’s insidious con
artists (the King and the Duke) who cheated and schemed wrongly, Emperor Norton was, in real life, innocently motivated, gracious, kind, and wonderfully accepted. Norton’s ongoing exploits were now gaining and capturing world attention. SCOTLAND’S ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON IMMORTALIZES NORTON’S PERSONA.
As with Mark Twain, Scotland’s great poet and writer, Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894), would also climb onboard as an ardent admirer of this imperious American iconoclast and amusing caricature who now was impossible to ignore. Stevenson used Norton as the matrix for his character in his 1892 novel “The Wrecker.” A MOST HILARIOUS TRUE LEGACY OF EMPEROR NORTON’S “ROYAL HOUNDS”.
France’s celebrated cartoonist, Edward Jump (1831-1883), who drew the world’s first caricature of his close friend, Mark Twain, was fascinated by Emperor Norton’s presence in America. Emigrating to America and eventually settling in San Francisco, Edward Jump started the mischievous rumor that the two stray dogs often seen roaming about the city, named Bummer and Lazarus, were actually Emperor Norton’s royal hounds.
Norton ate carte blanche (free) at lunch counters and restaurants, where he often shared his meals with the dogs, although he did not, in fact, own them. In another perspective, the two dogs were often “viewed” as his royal hounds, since Norton often sat in majestic style watching lavish plays, operas, and musicals alongside two additional free reserved seats beside him . . . where both Bummer and Lazarus sat in imperial fashion, seeming to enjoy all the royal attention and treatment, as they also watched the spectacular stage productions in San Francisco’s most elegant theaters. HIS DOGS “BUMMER” & “LAZARUS” WERE DESIGNATED AS “ABOVE THE LAW.”
In a city with strict anti-stray dog policies, Bummer and Lazarus had carte blanche to do as they pleased. The two hounds were inseparable, as reported by Emperor Norton biographers: “Their friendship was legendary and their rat-killing skills celebrated. The local newspapers chronicled their escapades and the citizens of Emperor Norton’s city loved them.” The San Francisco Bulletin referred to them as, “Two dogs with but a single bark. Two tails that wagged
. America’s Only Emperor Cont. on Page 7
January 14, 2021
On January 1st, hundreds of new laws went into effect. Many are non-controversial or have limited impact, but some will directly affect the lives of thousands of Californians.
Among these are laws impacting businesses and employees. California’s minimum wage will increase to $14 for companies with 26 or more employees and $13 for smaller companies. California companies with 5 or more employees (instead of 50 or more) will now be required to provide 12 weeks of family leave. All publicly owned companies based in California will be required to have at least one woman on their board of directors, companies with 100 or more employees will be required to report employee wage data to the Department of Fair Employment and Housing to help identify potential discriminatory wage patterns, and businesses will be required to notify employees and the general public of any workplace coronavirus exposure within 24 hours. Laws affecting public safety include a bill I sponsored to help reduce recidivism by allowing a reduction in parole for successful completion of medically assisted therapy (MAT). Another new law will increase penalties for texting while driving beginning in July, with two convictions within 36 months adding a point to your driving record. Juvenile prisons are being phased out - youth committing serious crimes will be placed under county jurisdiction. Students acting out in school will no
longer be referred to probation programs but will be directed into community support services.
Other new laws will shield people from civil/criminal penalties who break into hot cars to rescue children, and a flavored tobacco ban, scheduled to begin January 1st, is being delayed after opponents claimed they filed enough signatures to block the law through a ballot initiative. For better or worse, these are just a few of the new laws for 2021. Assembly Republican Leader Marie Waldron, R-Escondido, represents the 75th Assembly District in the California Legislature, which includes the communities of Bonsall, Escondido, Fallbrook, Hidden Meadows, Pala, Palomar Mountain, Pauma Valley, Rainbow, San Marcos, Temecula, Valley Center and Vista.
News for the Social Butterfly? Send your press releases to: email@example.com
5th District Supervisor
COVID-19 Vaccine Town-Hall
Hello and Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a wonderful and safe holiday season.
The health impacts of COVID-19 have been tragic for so many vulnerable people, their families and loved ones. While our numbers continue to rise in San Diego County, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The vaccine has arrived in San Diego County and our front-line healthcare workers are starting to receive it. On January 7th, I held a Vaccine Rollout Town-Hall with our county health officials. We discussed an overview of the Vaccine Rollout plan for San Diego County and what the plans are going forward. It was an informative discussion and answered many of the pressing questions. We recorded the discussion and I have posted it to my Facebook and YouTube pages. If you’re interested in when you may receive the vac-
cine, or where you go to receive it, I suggest you take a look at the video. Search Supervisor Jim Desmond on any of the social media platforms and you should see the video labeled COVID-19 Vaccine Town-Hall. It will answer many questions and hopefully keep you better informed. I’m hopeful soon, COVID-19 will be behind us and we can move forward!
As always, if I can be of assistance or answer any questions, I can be reached at 619-531-5555 or via email at Jim.Desmond@sdcounty.ca.gov
For a great GIFT idea anytime of the year Give a gift subscription to The Paper!
America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 6 as one.”
The dogs were so strongly identified with Emperor Norton that they were spoken of as members of his royal entourage. When a new dog catcher unwisely captured Lazarus on June 14, 1862, an angry mob demanded the dog’s immediate release and San Francisco’s city supervisors acquiesced, and ordered – not only his release -- but officially declaring that Lazarus and his best friend Bummer, were above all the city’s anti-stray dog laws and, therefore, could roam the city freely, and without future harassment and incarceration. A MEMORIAL PLAQUE TODAY HONORS BUMMER & LAZARUS.
Today, if you visit the environs of San Francisco, you may visit and view an impressive and beautiful bronze Memorial Plague that honors Bummer & Lazarus, which is prominently and respectfully displayed at Redwood Grove Park, San Francisco, California. EMPEROR NORTON’S RENT, CLEANING BILLS, PAID BY SAN FRANCISCO CITIZENS.
A newly-established residence on Commercial Street, was completely paid by the citizens of San Francisco. Expenses such as having his imperial uniform pressed and ironed at the cleaners were also fully paid. The City of San Francisco also honored and indulged Norton. When city officials noted that his uniform began to look a bit shabby, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors bought him a suitably new Imperial replacement. Norton sent a gracious thank you note and issued a "patent of nobility in perpetuity" upon each supervisor. Norton granted the supervisors the lifelong rank as members of Royal Nobility. AMAZINGLY, NORTON WAS ALLOWED TO EVEN PRINT HIS OWN CURRENCY!
So loved, and so indulged was America’s First Emperor, that he was given sovereign power to actually issue/print his own currency/money in his own name, logo, and emblem, and upon which said money was honored in the establishments that he often chose to frequent. Norton issued his own money in the form of personal banknotes which took the place of hard currency which were accepted by restaurants in San Francisco. These notes came in various denominations from fifty cents to ten dollars and more. The few surviving notes are collector’s items that routinely sell for over $10,000 at auctions today.
Page 7 • • January 14, 2021
THE OFFICIAL U. S. CENSUS DESIGNATED AND CONFIRMED NORTON AS EMPEROR.
In the official 1870 U. S. Census, Joshua Abraham Norton is listed as male, 52-years-old, residing at 624 Commercial Street, San Francisco, California and his official occupation is listed and recognized as “Emperor.” Norton is also so recognized and referred as such in city records and various official California historical societies today which record: “Supporting and participating in the series of recognized institutions that long have helped to preserve the historical record of Emperor Norton: the California Historical Society, the San Francisco Public Library, various Institutes of Study including the Society of California Pioneers.” (1) CONSTRUCTION OF THE SAN FRANCISCO-OAKLAND BAY BRIDGE.
Emperor Norton’s ostensibly crazy idea of petitioning city officials to plan the construction of a bridge and tunnel crossing the San Francisco Bay and connecting San Francisco with the city of Oakland was profoundly visionary.
According to retrieved archival records, city officials noted: “The self-proclaimed Emperor Norton saw fit to decree three (3) times in 1872 that a suspension bridge be constructed to connect Oakland with San Francisco.”
Amazingly prophetic for its time and era, Norton’s idea would prove to be 64 years in advance of reality: The San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge would eventually be envisioned, planned, and completed on November 12, 1936, bringing Emperor Norton’s early vision – once thought to be crazy – into actual reality.
Since that time, there have been two 21st-century campaigns to name all or parts of the Bay Bridge for Emperor Norton. The San Francisco Board of Supervisors (along with support of the San Francisco Chronicle newspaper) will vote this year, 2021, to rename the bridge in honor of Emperor Norton in time for the 150th Anniversary of Emperor Norton’s 1872 Proclamation: Setting out the original design and vision for the bridge.” (2) EMPEROR NORTON’S VISIONARY ECONOMIC PLANS FOR A NEW AVIATION & COMMERCIAL ERA.
According to city and state records, America’s Emperor Norton the First, had repeatedly decreed that the city of San Francisco invest money and financial interests in preparation for an: “Envisioned future whereby ‘Flying Machines’ would eventually dominate the public and commercial enterprise and
America’s Only Emperor Cont. on Page 8
Historically Speaking by Tom Morrow
ing America, General Motors introduced the “Hydra-Matic automatic transmission as optional equipment for the 1940 Oldsmobile, which sold for under $1,500. Minimum wage in 1940 was .30 cents an hour.
In 1939, President Roosevelt moved Thanksgiving to the fourth Thursday in November giving merchants more time to sell goods for Christmas. Inflation; The Cost of Money
Rapid increases in the quantity of money or in the overall money supply have occurred in many different societies throughout history.
Simplest example of explanation: When silver is used as common currency, government collects silver coins, melts them down, mixes them with other metals such as copper or lead and reissues at the same nominal value -- a process known as “debasement.” If you have any pre-1964 silver quarters, hang on to them because each coin today is worth more than $3. Since 1964, silver in quarters is blended with copper, thus decreasing the value – hence, inflation. When Nero became Roman emperor in 54 AD, the denarius contained more than 90 percent silver, but by 270 A.D, hardly any silver was left because of dilution of the silver with other metals. Rome could issue more coins without increasing the amount of silver used to make them. As each coin became less valuable, it took more of them for negotiation. Gold coins in the U.S. are no longer minted for common usage, but those in existence remain valuable as collectables. Bringing things to modern times, inflation continues to lurk very much in the forefront of world currencies. When governments increase the money supply, the relative value of each coin or dollar is lowered. As the relative value of the coins becomes lower, consumers need to spend more money for the same goods and services. Prices increase as the value of each coin or dollar is reduced.
Governments spend a great deal of money on various infrastructures, often fighting costly wars. They react by printing more money, which leads to inflation. In reality, the U.S. is slowly paying down the tremendous debt incurred from World War II. The Korean conflict, Vietnam, and various Mid-East conflicts will have to wait their turn – if ever.
Here are some examples of inflation eating into today’s everyday life.
One billion dollars in 1930 has increased in value to more than $12 billion in today’s money. In 1940, a fiveroom bungalow here in California cost in the neighborhood of $3,700. Today, the very same house (if it’s still standing), can sell in the neighborhood of $370,000. It’s not necessarily the value of the structure that’s increased, but the land it sits on. As humorist Will Rogers once advised: “Buy land … they don’t make it anymore.” In 1940, a 10-pound bag of potatoes was .18 cents; sugar was .49 cents for 10-pounds. A beef chuck roast was .20 cents a pound. Heinz pork and beans sold at .13 cents for a 25-oz can. To add to the modernization of a grow-
In 1939, the most famous person in America was Yankee first baseman Lou Gehrig, who retired declaring himself “the luckiest man on the face of the earth.” A Few Chuckles from Collected “Colemanisms.”
Every city that has a major league baseball team has or had a favorite play-by-play radio/TV announcer. If you’re a Dodger fan, no one can replace Vin Scully. Here in San Diego the Padres will always remember and cherish Jerry Coleman for his unintended, but hilarious on-air malaprops. Jerry is a Baseball Hall of Famer who earned his spurs as a Yankee secondbaseman during the ‘40s and ‘50s.
Like Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox, Jerry took time out during World War II to serve as a Marine Corps pilot, then returned to Yankee Stadium. For the last three decades of his life he led the Padres’ broadcast team, serving one year as the team’s field manager. I once asked Jerry to comment on his legendary game descriptions. He hated to hear anyone mentioning them. Still, there were those of us who hung on every radio or TV broadcast, waiting to the next “Colemanism” to break the airwaves. Here are a few Coleman classics:
“One thing about umpires … they rarely win except they’re always right.” “Here comes (pitcher) Rollie Fingers with his icy nerves of steel.” “He hit that one on the second-base side of second base.” “You can’t win when they beat you.” “Ozzie (Smith) with his beautiful manipulated body, gets it!” “Thomas almost caused some magic on that great try – black magic at that.” “He struck him out for strike two!” To broadcast partner Dave Campbell: “The dice is cast on this one, David.” “Here’s the pitch … it’s right in there for a ball.” “There goes Kennedy, off at the crack of the ball.” My favorite: “And there goes (Dave) Winfield sliding into second for a stand-up double.” More “Colemanisms” to come in future columns.
Page 8 • • January 14, 2021
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America’s Only Emperor Cont. from Page 7
transportation system of a thriving nation.”
Norton’s decree was first submitted in 1869, a full 34 years before the Wright brothers invented the world’s first successfully poweredand-controlled airplane in sustained flight near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, a most historic world event on December 17, 1903.
During the time of Norton’s first of many decrees regarding airplane travel investments back in 1869, his thoughts of such imaginary flying machines were considered by city and federal officials to be nothing short of complete lunacy. (3) EMPEROR NORTON’S FIRST CONCEPT FOR A “LEAGUE OF NATIONS!”
Norton the First, Emperor of the United States, submitted a royal decree to the U. S. Congress calling for the formation of a League of Nations to settle disputes between countries, long before today’s League of Nations was formed on January 10, 1920. Shockingly, Norton’s revolutionary concept of a League of Nations was sent to the U. S. Congress and to our 18th U. S. President, Ulysses S. Grant (1869-1877) almost half-acentury before the political world would see his idea fully realized and established, “for the purpose of
attempting world peace.”
THE DEATH OF EMPEROR NORTON AND THE END OF AN AMERICAN ERA.
On the evening of January 8, 1880, Norton collapsed on the corner of California Street and Dupont Street (now Grand Avenue) in front of Old Saint Mary’s Cathedral. He was on his way to a lecture at the California Academy of Sciences.
His collapse was immediately noticed and “The police officer at the scene quickly called for a carriage to have him rushed to the City Receiving Hospital.” According to the San Francisco Morning Call newspaper, Norton died before the carriage could arrive. The morning newspaper obituary in part stated: “Norton the First, by the grace of God, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico, departed this life.” Even unto death, his illusionary title would not be cleaved from him.
Two days later, the San Francisco Chronicle led its article with the royal words: “Le Roi Est Mort” (French for, “The King is Dead, Long Live the King.”). He died at age 61, only weeks short of his 62nd birthday.
Although he lived in his fully-paid residence on Commercial Street, it became sadly evident that he, otherwise, died in complete poverty. The
coroner only found five or six dollars in change in his pockets. And a search of his room only turned up a single gold sovereign, worth approximately $2.50. His entire earthly possessions included a collection of walking canes, a battered saber, a variety of headgear, a redlaced Army cap and a handful of Imperial bonds. His delusionary world revealed fake telegrams from Alexander II, Czar of Russia, congratulating him on his forthcoming marriage to Queen Victoria, as well as congratulations from the President of France. Also found were his letters to Queen Victoria which he intended to mail. His funeral was attended by over 10,000 people who overflowed out into the streets. Norton’s gravesite is at Woodlawn Cemetery in Colma, California in the San Francisco Bay area. Emperor Norton still lived on in old television reruns, where his character is portrayed on such shows as Death Valley Days (once hosted by Ronald Reagan), and even Bonanza, which titled their segment “The Emperor Norton.” Today there are memorials, streets, and even a popular tavern not far from where he lived, called “Norton’s Vault.” And there are Emperor Norton societies and festivities that have been attended by foreigners as far away as Japan. One visitor and admirer from Japan named Kazuo Sayama, recently said, “You have so many presidents here in America, but no Emperor in your history books. He . . . is your Emperor, the
Emperor of your
In a manner of speaking, Emperor Norton never died on January 8, 1880. He lives on, in the golden pages of San Francisco’s history. In books, television documentaries, magazines, and memorials. And countless historical societies and city records. And in the loving hearts of people. And in articles, such as this one.
The author, Friedrich Gomez, with his 167th cover story
The Paper • Page 9 • January 14, 2021
Social Butterfly Cont. from Page 3
community. All clinics are from 1pm-3pm. January 14th, Poway Library; January 19th, Valley Center Library; January 21st, Vista Library; and January 26, Fallbrook Library.
Alliance for Regional Solutions January Committee Meetings Happy New Year! Although we still can't meet in person, we hope to continue to stay connected and share resources at our virtual committee meetings. Contact us for more information and reservations for the meetings: Alliance for Regional Solutions, 550 W Washington Ave, Escondido, CA 92025, or visit the website at www.regionalsolutions.net. The Meetings, dates and times are: North County Food Policy Council Meeting, Wednesday, January 20th; 9:00am-10:30am North County Case Manager's Meeting, Friday, January 22nd; 9:00am-10:30am NORCAN (Community Action Network); Tuesday, January 26th; 1:00pm-3:00pm Bridge to Housing Committee Meeting, Thursday, January 28th; 9:00am-10:00am
Community Law Project-Free Legal Clinics for Community Members is up and Running! The Law Project is a non-profit organization withn California Western School of Law that provides brief legal advice, legal referrals, and free consultations (rotating volunteer attorneys with different legal specializations). To learn more about this program, go to their website at www.cwclp.org, or call our intake line at 619.780.7498. Faith Based Mental Health Academy - See the invitation for Behavioral Health providers in North County San Diego. The Faith-Based Mental Health Academy is being offered for social workers, case managers, peer specialists, substance abuse counselors, etc. Join this free 5-day webinar via Zoom, February 1 to February 5, 2021, from 12:00pm to 1:30pm PT.
You Put the "Unity" in "Community" - WOW! We are speechless. Thanks to hundreds of generous supporters like you, we not only hit our $10,000 matching goal in the last week of 2020, but we hit our overall $150,000 goal for our holiday fundraising!
With two homes in Encinitas, six homes in National City, and ten homes in Escondido, all near or under construction, we have our work cut out for us. But we are confident and so very grateful because: You put the unity in community; you put hope in our hearts; and you are the key to our homes. You have added strength and love to
our neighborhoods through and through. Here's to a new year filled with stability, joy, and world where we all have a safe place to call home. From our family to yours, thank you for building up community! P.S.: If you didn't get a chance to donate, you can still help us make homeownership a reality throughout 2021 by donation today. San Diego Habitat for Humanity, 8128 Mercury Court, San Diego, 92111; Phone 619.283.4663; sandiegohabitat.org. Free Registration Now Open and First 200 Win a Prize Registration is now open for the San Diego Humane Society's 2021 Virtual Walk for Animals! We were hoping this year would be different and we could walk side by side, but our top priority is the safety of our human and animal friends. And that is why we are hosting an exciting virtual Walk Week for all to enjoy! How can you participate in this year’s Walk for Animals? Register for Free. Spread the word to your friends and family near and far, because registration is free for everyone who participates. Start a team or register as an individual today. The first 200 people who register will receive a custom Virtual Walk for Animals dog tag! You can add it to your pup’s collar for a little extra flair on your walks, or add it to your key chain as a reminder of the lives you’re helping to save! Fundraise for the Animals! This event is one of our biggest fundraisers and we need you now more than ever. Animals continue to come into our shelter every day and the support raised by you and all of our participants is critical to saving lives.
Join us for Walk Week! April 11-17 will be our first-ever Walk Week! We will have a fun-filled week of walking and coming together as a community online to make a difference for thousands of animals in San Diego County. Stay tuned for more details! Last year’s virtual walk showed that “compassion isn’t cancelled” and that’s still true! Together we can create a more humane San Diego. Please join us for our Virtual Walk for Animals and register today! On behalf of the animals and people whose lives you’re helping change, thank you! San Diego Humane Society, 5500 Gaines St., San Diego 92110; Phone 619.299.7012. Campus locations in El Cajon, Escondido, Oceanside, Ramona and San Diego.
Republican Club of Ocean Hills Announces January Meeting Wednesday, January 20th, will be the meeting of the Republican Club of Ocean Hills, via Zoom. The Club will welcome Stephen Frank, 2021 Candidate for the California Republican Party Chair, as the guest speaker. Mr. Frank is a political consultant and will address what went wrong in the 2020 elections, what needs to change to ensure more conservatives in elected positions, and how organizations like
RCOH can have a greater impact locally and statewide in 2022.
Stephen Frank is the publisher and editor of “California Political News and Views.” In 2014, the California Political Review welcomed Frank as Senior Contributing Editor and proudly incorporates Frank’s “California Political News and Views” as a special section on its website. The California Political Review advances innovative thinking on CA public policy issues, and is one of the most influential and respected publications for California political discourse.
Frank speaks throughout California on political issues and is frequently a guest on talk radio. He is past president of the California Republican Assembly and has participated in Republican presidential campaigns since 1960. Also he is active in numerous organizations including tax reform groups, the NRA, and pro-life organizations. The Republican Club of Ocean Hills (RCOH) believes in Republican values: individual responsibility, personal freedoms, limited government, a market economy, low taxes, and a strong national defense. RCOH meets the third Wednesday of each month, currently on ZOOM. Our program on the 20th begins at 1:00pm, followed by our speaker at 1:15pm. For more information and the link to attend the ZOOM meeting, please email RepublicanClubOfOceanHills@gm ail.com or call John at 760-4976117. Check out RCOH at www.republicanclubofoceanhills.c om.
Carlsbad Republican Women's January 26th ZOOM Meeting On Tuesday, January 26th, the Carlsbad Republican Women Federated club (CRWF) will welcome two outstanding speakers. Acclaimed author and speaker, Tom Del Beccaro, will present an overview of the Recall Gavin Newsom campaign. 2020 Congressional Candidate, Brian Maryott, will provide an evaluation of our strengths and weaknesses in the November 2020 election and recommended improvements for 2022. Tom Del Beccaro is an author, speaker as well as columnist for Fox News, Fox Business and the
Epoch Times. He is the former Chairman of the California Republican Party and is author of two historical perspectives, The Divided Era and The New Conservative Paradigm. He currently publishes daily commentaries at PoliticalVanguard.com. Del Beccaro is best known for his insightful commentary and public speaking on topics ranging from foreign policy to economic reform. Tom has a unique ability to place our current times in the broader sweep of American and World history. Currently, Del Beccaro is chairman of the RescueCalifornia.org political action committee that is supporting the recall of California Governor Gavin Newsom.
Brian Maryott is a conservative businessman and former Mayor of San Juan Capistrano. He ran for Congress to restore common-sense representation to the 49th Congressional district. He is a Certified Financial Planner – he spent the majority of his career helping hundreds of individuals and families save for a rainy day, send their kids to college, retire with dignity and invest in their future. He steadily grew his planning business and was eventually promoted to Senior Vice President of his company where he helped manage hundreds of employees and billions in client assets. As our national debt continues to grow, Brian’s financial background and commitment to sound growth and fiscal stewardship is needed in Congress now more than ever.
Carlsbad Republican Women promotes local Republican candidates and conservative issues. Our program begins at 11:00am on Tuesday, January 26th. For more information and the link to attend the ZOOM meeting, please email Ann at firstname.lastname@example.org. Check out CRWF at www.CarlsbadRepublicans.com.
Chuckles Cont. from Page 5
I'm a man of my convictions, but far more proud of my acquittals. •••• I probably could've ran 20 miles if my knee didn't start hurting and I actually got off the couch. •••• Excuse me, Rabbi. Can your people atone it down some? •••• Nobody will consider you a sellout if you splurge for a second outfit, Michael Moore. •••• It's probably time to stop calling a place where priests live a rectory. •••• These pancakes taste like crepe. •••• I drank way too much the night before my early flight. So, yes. I'm weaving on a jet plane. •••• I'm going out on a limb here to say that it's really going to hurt when I fall out of this tree. •••• Do I still have to go to medical school if I just wanna be the guy who yells "WE'RE LOSING HIM!"? •••• Doing the old 'how many women have I slept with' count. God I hate fractions. •••• It seems way too soon to have to break out the cold-weather ear hair. •••• I'd ask you what's on your mind, but then that would be assuming that you actually have one. •••• I don't celebrate the Jewish New Year. I'm still upset about what they did to my penis. •••• Had sex with a lawyer. Got off on a technicality. ••••
Pablo (674331) is a precious potbelly pig who loves belly rubs — he’ll flop right over once he knows you! He has also learned how to sit! He can be shy at first but will warm up with time and patience. He was a big hit with campers, as kids got close to him and gave him treats. Pablo has been with us long enough that he is officially R.A.D. — Ready and Deserving! If you think you have the right home for Pablo, who has lived with other pigs, please set up an appointment with the Escondido Campus at sdhumane.org/adopt!
His adoption includes spay/neuter, current vaccinations, permanent microchip identification, a certificate for a free veterinary exam and an incentive for pet insurance from MetLife. Pablo is available for adoption at San Diego Humane Society’s Escondido Campus at 3500 Burnet Drive. To learn more about making him part of your family, please make an appointment online at sdhumane.org/adopt or call 619-2997012.
Page 10 • • January 14, 2021
You know, for being ranked at the top, those #1 pencils sure don't get mentioned much. •••• I've noticed that all the great writers are dead, which makes me really reluctant to be one. •••• It's so cute how my wife assumes I packed pants. •••• Thanks for a great weekend. I'll never forget the sweet magic of our passionate love making, you guys. *** Two days in North Carolina and I'm eating grits and blessing your heart. •••• "YOU STOP YOUR CRYING OR I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT, ARGENTINA! •••• If you're thinking of having kids, you can have mine. •••• At what age should one stop breast feeding a child? My mum's 70. *** No amount of explanation is going to get that boy to believe that his mother was, in fact, doing push-ups on daddy. •••• Me: “I need to move, all I do is sleep, eat, and then run on my treadmill all day”. Mom: “So, you're a hamster!.” •••• If the life of Jesus has taught us anything it is this: don't represent yourself in court. •••• This Canadian mustard is overdoing it. Anybody else ever try Celine Dijon? •••• My new sports bra has nicer boobs than me. •••• These economic times are making
it increasing difficult to drive a Chevy to the levee until said levee is dry. •••• Old people sleep in separate beds because they don't want to wake up next to a dead body. •••• To my Jewish friends how's the Chinese food? To my Chinese friends how are the Jews behaving? •••• If Jesus were born around Lake Michigan I think he would have been less forgiving of our sins. •••• We’re so lazy and bored that we actually watch people play cards on tv? •••• I don't think I'm co-dependent. Wait, let me go ask Evelyn. Blonde Jokes
SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license.
She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together! Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?” AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor.
Signs in the Sky
The $145 adoption fee for Yampi Yampi includes medical exam, spay, up to date vaccinations, registered microchip, and a oneyear license if her new home is in the jurisdiction of San Diego Humane Society’s Department of Animal Services. For information about Adoption by Appointment or to become a Virtual Foster log on to www.SDpets.org.
Everywhere she touched made her scream
The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?”
“Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.” “I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken” KNITTING
A Highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”
Chuckles Cont. on Page 11
Jupiter’s next move was a conjunction with Venus, (the “Mother Planet”). It did so in the constellation of Virgo, (the “Virgin”). Their combined light produced what appeared to be the brightest star in the sky in several lifetimes.
Pastor Hal Seed New Song Community Church Oceanside
Yampi Yampi was transferred to Rancho Coastal Humane Society through the Friends of County Animal Shelters program. She needs an active family that can help her use up her energy both mentally and physically.
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
The Pastor Says...
Yampi Yampi is pet of the week at your Rancho Coastal Humane Society. She’s a 31/2 year old, 45 pound, female, Australian Cattledog / Pointer mix.
A few years ago, astronomers inputted vast quantities of star-data into a program that allows you to dial up any night, from any place on earth over the last 5,000 years. One incredible discovery from this was that, in September of 3 B.C., the planet Jupiter, (the “King Planet”), passed over the top of a star called Regulus, (the “King Star”). Jupiter passed back over Regulus two more times over the next few months. It did so in the constellation of Leo, (the “King Constellation”).
This phenomenon is called a “Crowning.” Between September, 3 B.C. and June, 2 B.C., the King Planet crowned the King Star in the King Constellation. – King, King, King.
Not long after that, Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Wise Men from the east had seen “his star.” They came and worshiped him as the newborn king.
Something equally interesting happened for us just a few weeks ago. On December 21, 2020, Jupiter (the “King Planet”) met up with Saturn (the “Queen Planet”) in the constellation of Aquarius (the “CupBearer”). The Bible speaks of a “Wedding Supper” that will take place when Jesus returns. It describes the Church as Jesus’ bride. If Jesus is the King, then, his bride will be the Queen; and of course, they’ll need a Cup-Bearer to serve as maitre-de for the reception. Could it be that our December conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn, in Aquarius, was a foretelling of the second coming of King Jesus? If so, we all might want to be making some personal preparations.
• Page 11 • January 14, 2021
A Weekly Message from the Mayor of Your Community published in the belief that it is important for elected leaders to communicate with their constituents and that constituents have a means of hearing from their elected leaders.
San Marcos • Mayor Rebecca Jones
Steps to starting your own business in San Marcos
San Marcos loves small businesses, and we are committed to helping local businesses succeed! I encourage all entrepreneurs to visit our step-by-step guide to walk you through the necessary steps of doing business in San Marcos. Visit www.san-marcos.net/work/ and click on the “Doing Business” tab. The first thing you need to identify is what type of business you want to start. • HOME BUSINESS: Home-based freelance businesses. • COMMERCIAL, INDUSTRIAL or RETAIL: Storefronts or manufacturing and commercial businesses. • OUT OF CITY BUSINESSES: For businesses with a business address outside the San Marcos city limits such as contractors and/or mobile businesses.
We’ve recently launched an online business license portal that has streamlined the business license process, and our website features a handy guide that walks you through exactly what you need to do at www.san-marcos.net/work/doing-business/steps-to-starting-a-business. When it comes to serving the business community, the City of San Marcos is committed to raising the bar! (760) 744-1050, ext. 3101
Escondido • Mayor Paul “Mac” McNamara Greetings Escondido,
I know that I said I would talk about priorities for the city in these next few columns, but I have to take a pause this week and talk about COVID 19. If you’ve been tracking it, you know our numbers are going up in the city. Since this thing started, we have been more fortunate than South and East county. But we seem to be spiking now in January, and no one knows for sure why, there is just a lot of conjecture. I get that some of the prevention decisions made by county and state officials may raise a few eyebrows when you look at the science behind the decision, but we have to get past that. The virus is real. And so, we need to comply with the guidance until the virus runs its course and we can move on.
Finally, I’ve heard all the civil liberty arguments for and against compliance. A lot of the points on both sides have merit. But we need to get past this as well, in order to stop its spread. Let’s recommit to following the guidance and get this thing over with. Thank you! Stay informed, Be Kind, Remember your neighbor, and Stay safe!
Chuckles Cont. from Page 7
Semper Fi, Mac Paul P. McNamara Mayor of Escondido email@example.com
BLONDE ON TIME
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex”.
Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “Helllooooo...! ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs.” FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
In the swim-meet, after the blond came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls
were using their arms. *** When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown.
But it only takes four to reach out and slap them. *** Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
*** I always buy lots of small cheeses at Christmas time. Remember, Christmas is the time we all celebrate the baby cheeses. *** Sports Quotes "Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play. - Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
Chuckles Cont. on Page 12
Vista • Mayor Judy Ritter
Stay Fit in the New Year
This past year really made us aware how important it is to take care of our health. The New Year represents a fresh start to recommit to past goals or to lay the groundwork for something new. Many of these goals will be health and fitness related. Fortunately for us, living in a city like Vista includes taking advantage of the weather and getting out doors, which is something that can be done almost every day of the year! Walking in one of Vista’s parks, browsing downtown on Main Street, playing tennis or pickleball at Brengle Terrace or Thibodo parks, or hiking along our many trails can help increase physical activity, which in turn can help to improve our lives. Here’s to staying fit and healthy throughout this new year.
Oceanside • Mayor Esther Sanchez
This week, the Oceanside City Council approved a small business grant program, up to $7,500 per approved application. The program, to be administered by the Oceanside Chamber of Commerce and MainStreet Oceanside, begins Monday, January 11th, on a first-come, first-served basis. A link to the online application will be available starting at 8 a.m. on Monday at the City of Oceanside Economic Development website, www.osidebiz.com. Non-profits may also qualify.
Residents have been requesting a COVID testing site in Oceanside. Currently, we only have a testing site at OUSD, once a week by appointment only, which fills up quickly. I’ve reached out to our Supervisor Jim Desmond for assistance in making this happen. The testing facilities will eventually become places for distribution of the COVID-19 vaccine.
I've also been asked when COVID vaccinations will be made available to the general public. Right now, we are in phase 1A: healthcare personnel (including paramedics and EMT's) and long-term care facilities (residents and employees). Phase IA, tiers 1, 2 and 3, are for employees and personnel, no residents except those in long-term care facilities. Oceanside firefighter/paramedics and EMT's are in the process of receiving their vaccines, starting this week. Vaccination of all other residents and personnel will begin with Phase 1B. For example, based on my age, I will be available for a vaccine in Phase 1C. This information is subject to change. Please check back with the following link for any updates, https://www.sandiegocounty.gov/.../vaccines/phases.html Finally, city staff will be conducting virtual workshops on our general plan update on January 12th, 13th, and 19th at 6 PM. To sign up, please go to https://onwardoceanside.com. The general plan update will address density increases in neighborhoods, traffic issues, and preservation of open space and parkland, to name a few. While we are probably in the middle of the worse part of the pandemic, please do try to make one or all three of these meetings. The future of Oceanside is at stake, and your participation is essential. If only a handful of people are able to participate, then I will be asking for your help in requesting additional public workshops, preferably at a less stressful time and when we are able to attend meetings in person. Stay safe!
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Escondido Mike’s BBQ
760.746.4444 1356 W Valley Pkwy Escondido, CA mikesbbq.us Check our menu at our website, or just call. We’ll bring the food to your car! Open T-Thu 11am-7pm,
Fri/Sat from 11am to 8pm
Page 12 • January 14, 2021
before they opened the San Marcos location.
Right away we registered “theguysbyfrys.com” as well as a couple of similar ones to make sure we owned them. Then we took a tour of Fry’s locations throughout Southern California. We inspected their product offerings, advertising methodology, the services offered, their pricing, and returns policy. Then we looked at how these practices might affect our business. Paul & Nome Van Middlesworth, The Computer Factory
www. thecomputerfactory.net "San Diego's Best Computer Store 2015-2020" Union Tribune readers poll
That was us. In 2002 we found out that Fry’s planned to open a second San Diego “superstore” across the street from The Computer Factory in mid-year 2003. At that time Fry’s was a pretty big deal in the PC industry. They were the largest and fastest growing source of PC systems, component and peripherals West of the Mississippi and landing a superstore on our doorstep was a major concern. We were a typical “Mom and Pop” computer store doing a low volume version of what Fry’s would do on a much larger scale. We decided that we needed to develop a strategy and we had about a year to do it
Notes from Pala Casino
Pala Casino is doing something right! Very right!
They are providing top entertainment for an entertainment starved public. All safety protocols enforced so you can feel safe at a Pala Casino event but now they are offereing free covid 19 and antibody testing! Just call 760.292.6111 to make an appointment. These tests are available to the general public. Testing is offered from 11am to 3pm, subject to change.
Tickets for upcoming concerts are available and events at the Pala Privileges Center, or by calling 1877-WIN-PALA and asking to be transferred to the Privileges Center. Our main concert areas are the Events Center and Starlight Theater. While visiting Pala, you can purchase tickets at the Pala Box Office with no service charge
Fry’s weekly newspaper ads featured spectacular pricing, but the great prices were usually for limited stock items, their standard item pricing (RAM CPUs, motherboards etc) was pretty much the same as everyone else. Their service dept was not a true computer service dept but a sales support and returns processing organization. Their return policies were very liberal and their inventory of computer parts comprehensive and impressive. They were a computer hobbyist’s dream.
Like every other small PC store at that time, we sold components to the DIY (do it yourself) computer hobbyist, but it was a small, low margin rather annoying part of our business. Invariably the DIYs returned a high percentage of the parts bought and grumbled about the 15% restocking/retesting charges. In May of 2003 I stood beside Fry’s chairman John Fry at the grand opening “Gala” for the San Marcos “superstore.” John and
Chuckles Cont. from Page 11
"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch." - Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect." - Doug Sanders, professional golfer
"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'" - Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher "When it's third and ten, you can have the milk drinkers; I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time." - Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver
"I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having them." - Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager
"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget." - E.J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations
I talked about our “Computer Factory” just across the street. John shared with me his experience that the opening of a new Fry’s store was bad news for “Big Box” electronics stores like Comp USA, Office Depot, Staples and Best Buy but led to increased business for the smaller computer shops in the area. John was right.
We stopped selling components to DIY folks they day Fry’s opened. We still stocked components but only sold retail components as a part of a repair or upgrade work order. By controlling the process and eliminating returns we were able to warrant parts and labor for a year. Better for us and better for our customers.
Over the ensuing years we have enjoyed having Fry’s in the Neighborhood. Their service group was never much competition and it was convenient to have an emergency source of components right across the street. Unscrupulous customers became adept at using Fry’s employee incompetence and loose return policies to steal components and abuse their naivete. The technical incompetence of Fry’s employees coupled with the shrinking interest in DIY electronics and the ease of Internet shopping (mostly Amazon) have combined to push all thirty-four Fry’s stores in eight states beyond the apparent brink of collapse. Yet they still open the doors to their nearly empty store.
845 W. San Marcos Blvd., San Marcos, CA.
"My theory is that if you buy an icecream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good." - Vic Braden, tennis instructor
"When they operated, I told them to add in a Koufax fastball. They did but unfortunately it twas Mrs. Koufax's." - Tommy John N.Y. Yankees, recalling his 1974 arm surgery
Letter to the Editor Cont. from Page 4
/s/ Maria Elena Contreras-Hauser Family San Marcos & Vista, California Editor’s Note: Thank you. It is our understanding that the dentist has moved her practice to Vista and is no longer located in San Marcos.
"I don't know. I only played there for nine years." - Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles "We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost." - John Breen, Houston Oilers "The film looks suspiciously like the game itself." - Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo." - Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
"I have discovered in 20 years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usual-
Chuckles Cont. on Page 13
Letters to the Editor Cont. on Page 13
SERVICE DIRECTORY The Paper
Chuckles Cont. from Page 12
ly in inverse proportion to the price of the seats." - Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
"Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day." - Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon. "I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball." - Lou Holtz ,Arkansas football coach
"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday." - Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game
"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'" - Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting
"I learned a long time ago that 'minor surgery' is when they do the operation on someone else, not you." - Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers "Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash." - George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.
"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday." - Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach *** I'm waiting on the Express Checkout line at Costco. Two hundred items or less. *** I'm at Costco. Who wants to go in on 50 aluminum roasting pans? *** Do not stand ye behind me, for whatever line I get in, it stops. *** Evelyn said, "Do you wanna go outside and go pee pee?" I said, "No, thanks. I think I'll just go to the restroom."
I think she was talking to Trixie, our puppy. *** Every Wednesday, Evelyn has a standing appointment with her beauty shop. This morning she returned, was busy in the kitchen, fixing breakfast. I walked into the family room and said . . . "you know, Sweetheart, you make me so happy! You're just so pretty!"
"Why, thank you," she said from the kitchen. She didn't know I had been talking to my puppy, Trixie. ***
• Page 13 • January 14, 2021
Please excuse the four-letter words toward the end of the following story. I would have deleted them, but the story just wouldn't be the same.
A young Jewish couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh mama", she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!" Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language--- things I'd never heard before! I mean all these awful four-letter words! You've got to take me home!! PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? What four-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter. "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! JUST COME GET ME, PLEASE!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible four-letter words." Sobbing, the bride gasped, "Oh, Mama, he used words like DUST, WASH, IRON, and COOK!" "I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said her mother. American vs Japanese
On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.
This is upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese. •••• The Baby Ward . . .
A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “No, not my brother … he’s an idiot!”
She asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” answers the doctor.
“Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it!” she exclaims. “And what’s the boy’s name?” “Denephew,” says the doctor
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Cliff Claven “Cliff-isms” – On the sitcom CHEERS/NBC/1982-93 John Ratzenberger played the verbose know-it-all postal worker Cliff Claven. Some examples of Cliff’s veritable cornucopia of wisdom:
They did a study comparing postal workers to chimpanzees. They proved chimps were 32% slower. Of course, they were better with public relations. •••• There’s no rule against postal worker dating women; it just works out that way. •••• It’s a little-known fact that the smartest animal is the pig. Scientists say if pigs had thumbs and a language, they could be trained to do simple manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service, and at their retirement dinner, you can eat them. •••• Due to the shape of the North American elk’s esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna. •••• Basketball was invented by the Celtics. Interestingly enough, so was the parquet floor. ••••
A Freudian slip is saying one thing and meaning a mother. I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs. •••• Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army Knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland. •••• If you were to go back in history and take every president, you’ll find that the numerical value of each letter in their name was equally divisible into the year in which they were elected. By my calculations, our next president has to be named Yellnick McWawa. •••• It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age. •••• Now that’s more like it . . . I have both seen this before and have run it in The Paper once or twice. One irate reader complained. It’s history. It happened. She needs
Chuckles Cont. on Page 14
The Mighty Mojo Page The Paper â€˘ Page 14 â€˘ January 14, 2021
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Chuckles Cont. from Page 13 to get over it.
This is an actual exerpt from a 1954 Home Ec. Text book HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE
Home Economics High School Text Book, 1954
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that youâ€™ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the home just before your husband arrives, gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the childrenâ€™s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad he is home. Some donâ€™ts: Donâ€™t greet him with problems or complaints. Donâ€™t complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. Listen to him. You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax. The Goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Limericks
The limerick is furtive and mean; You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums And promptly becomes Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
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â€œPerfection is the Startâ€?
A bather whose clothing was strewed, By winds that left her quite nude, Saw a man come along, And unless we are wrong, You expected this line to be lewd.
There was a young girl from Rabat Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat. It was fun in the breeding, but hell in the feeding, as she found she had no tit for Tat. Tis a favorite project of mine, A new value of pi to assign. I would fix it at 3, For itâ€™s simpler, you see, Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
There was a young fellow named Goody. Who claimed that he wouldnâ€™t, but would he? If he found himself nude, With a gal in the mood, The questionâ€™s not would he, but could he? A pretty young maiden from France Decided sheâ€™d â€œjust take a chance.â€? She let herself go For an hour or so And now all her sisters are aunts. And in the Honorable Mention, Nice Try Category:
There was a young man from LeDoux, Whose limericks stopped at line two.
There was a young man from Japan Whose limericks never would scan. When asked why this was, He replied â€œItâ€™s because I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as ever possibly I can.â€? A programming genius called Sewter
1215 E. Valley Parkway Escondido
Built a limerick-writing computer. The metre was fine and the rhymes quite divine But for some reason the damn thing always got the last line wrong. â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ Realizing that their home just wasn't big enough with the new baby in the house, Little Johnny's parents discussed moving to a bigger one. Little Johnny sat patiently listening to his parents, then piped in, "It's no use. He'll just follow us anyway." â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!" â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read." â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?" â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife." â€˘â€˘â€˘â€˘ The Preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he was giving his sermon he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he
Chuckles Cont. on Page 15
The Paper • Page 15 • January 14, 2021
Chuckles Cont. from Page 14
entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights." •••• A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." •••• Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet." •••• On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?" •••• A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." •••• A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" •••• Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..’ Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know? •••• As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF LARRY MANISICALCO Case No. 37-2020-00038803-PR-LA-CTL To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate or both, of Larry Maniscalco. A petition for probate has been filed by Lonny Maniscalco in the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, 1100 Union St., San Diego, Ca., 92101, New Central Courthouse - Probate Division. The Petition for Probate requests that Lonny Maniscalco be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take many actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed actions.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: February 04, 2021 Time: 1:30 pm . Dept: 503 Address of court: Same as noted above. HEARING MAY BE HELD REMOTELY DUE TO COVID RESTRICTIONS. PLEASE REFER TO COURT’S WEBSITE. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in Section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statues and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a peson interested in the estate, you may file with the court a Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petition or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for petioner: Erik D. Black 11s4 State Street, Suite 272 Santa Barbara, Ca. 93101 805.957.1922 01/14, 01/21 & 01/28/2021
that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went Through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.
NOTICE OF PETITION TO ADMINISTER ESTATE OF JENNYLYNN ELDORA BAGWELL Case No. 37-2020-00043354-PRLA-CTL To all heirs, beneficiaries, creditors, contingent creditors, and persons who may otherwise be interested in the will or estate or both, of Jennylynn Eldora Bagwell. A petition for probate has been filed by Robert Colletta. in the Superior Court of California, County of San Diego, 1100 Union St., San Diego, Ca., 92101, New Central Courthouse - Probate Division. The Petition for Probate requests that Maren Miller be appointed as personal representative to administer the estate of the decedent. The petition requests authority to administer the estate under the Independent Administration of Estates Act. (This authority will allow the personal representative to take many actions without obtaining court approval. Before taking certain very important actions, however, the personal representative will be required to give notice to interested persons unless they have waived notice or consented to the proposed actions.) The independent administration authority will be granted unless an interested person files an objection to the petition and shows good cause why the court should not grant the authority. A hearing on the petition will be held in this court as follows: Date: March 23, 2021 Time: 11:00am . Dept: 504 Address of court: Same as noted above. HEARING MAY BE HELD REMOTELY DUE TO COVID RESTRICTIONS. PLEASE REFER TO COURT’S WEBSITE. If you object to the granting of the petition, you should appear at the hearing and state your objections or file written objections with the court before the hearing. Your appearance may be in person or by your attorney. If you are a creditor or a contingent creditor of the decedent, you must file your claim with the court and mail a copy to the personal representative appointed by the court within the later of either (1) four months from the date of first issuance of letters to a general personal representative, as defined in Section 58(b) of the California Probate Code, or (2) 60 days from the date of mailing or personal delivery to you of a notice under section 9052 of the California Probate Code. Other California statues and legal authority may affect your rights as a creditor. You may want to consult with an attorney knowledgeable in California law. You may examine the file kept by the court. If you are a peson interested in the estate, you may file with the court a Request for Special Notice (form DE-154) of the filing of an inventory and appraisal of estate assets or of any petition or account as provided in Probate Code section 1250. A Request for Special Notice form is available from the court clerk. Attorney for petioner: Byron K. Husted, Esq. of Morris Law Firm APC 501 West Broadway, Suite 1480 San Diego, Ca. 92102 Phone: 619.826.8060 1/14, 1/21 & 1/28/2021
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, She turned to the other womanand said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!' Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
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FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020665 The name of the business: Sharon Kay Siron Legal Services, located at 2337 Altisma Way, Carlsbad, Ca. 92009. Registrant Information: Sharon Kay Siron 2337 Altisma Way Carlsbad, CA. 92009 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 1/1/1983 /s/ Sharon Kay Siron Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/16/2020. 12/31/2020, 01/07, 01/14 & 01/21/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020947 The name of the business: Oscar’s Mexican Food, located at 225 S. Rancho Santa Fe, San Marcos, CA. 92078. Registrant Information: Oscar Castro Davila 556 Starstone Pl. San Marcos, Ca. 92078 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 9/8/1992 /s/ Oscar Castro Davila Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/22/2020. 12/31/2020, 01/07, 01/14 & 01/21/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020958 The name of the business: Innerscape Wellness, located at 187 Calle Magdalena, Ste. 208, Encinitas, Ca. 92024.CA. Kathleen Marie Van Riper 2012 Shadytree Lane Encinitas, Ca. 92024 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business n/a. /s/ Kathleen Marie Van Riper Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/28/2020. 01/07, 01/14, 01/21 and 01/28/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020905 The name of the business: California Backflow Specialist, located at 1701 Alta Vista Dr., Vista, Ca. 92084.. Registrant Information: Daryl Guthridge, Inc. 1701 Alta Vista Dr. Vista, Ca. 92084 This business is conducted by a corporation. First day of business 8/25/91. /s/ Daryl Guthridge, President /Sole Owner (S Corp) Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 12/21/2020. 01/07, 01/14 01/21 and 01/28/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9000003 The name of the business: Blooming Desert Growers, located at 3460 Gird Road, Fallbrook, Ca. 92028. Registrant Information: Lupe and Robert E. Oldfireld, Jr. 1122 Dallas Road Fallbrook, Ca. 92028 This business is conducted by a Married Couple. First day of business 1/19/2017. /s/ Robert E. Oldfield, Jr. Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 1/04/2021 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/04/2021 FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9021023 The name of the business: Jazzercize Mira Mesa, located at 11048 Ice Skate Place, San Diego, Ca. 92126. Registrant Information: Rebecca D. Henselmeier 1558 Cove Court San Marcos, Ca. 92069 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business 11/01/2020. /s/ Rebecca D. Henselmeier Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 12/29/2020. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/07/2021
STATEMENT OF ABANDONMENT OF USE OF FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME #2020-9019844 FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME: G&V Group; Gniocchi, located at 301 Island Way, # 3, Oceanside, Ca. 92058. The Fictitious Business Name referred to above was filed in San Diego County on 11/04/2019 and assigned file no. 2019-9026702 FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME IS BEING ABANDONED BY: Giacomo Giovanetti 301 Island Way, Unit 3, Oceanside, Ca. 92058. This business is conducted by an individual. I declare that all information in this statement is true and correct. (A registrant who declares as true any material matter pursuant to Section 17913 of the Business and Professions code that the registrant knows to be false is guilty of a misdemeanor punishable by a fine not to exceed one thousand dollars ($1000). /s/ Giacomo Giovanetti This statement was filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on . 12/5/2020. 12/24, 12/31/2020 and 01/07 and 01/14/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9020465 The name of the business:West Coast Sterile, located at 780 Calle De Soto, San Marcos, CA. 92078. Registrant Information: Grzegorz Adam and Eve Alice Sieminski 780 Calle De Soto San Marcos, CA. 92078 This business is conducted by a Married Couple. First day of business n/a.. /s/Grzegorz Adam Sieminski Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/11/2020. 12/24, 12/31/2020 & 1/7 & 1/14/2021.
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9019783 The name of the business: Lincoln Realty Associates, located at 1864 Jardine Court, Vista, Ca. 92081. Registrant Information: Kenneth Roger Snyker 1864 Jardine Court Vista, Ca. 92081 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business .9/1/1994. /s/ Kenneth Roger Snyker Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/03/2020. 12/24, 12/31/2020 & 1/7 & 1/14/2021.
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2020-9021069 The name of the business: Ruben’s Concrete Services, located at 125 Smilax Rd., Vista, Ca. 92083. Registrant Information: Ruben Daniel Paramo 125 Smilax Rd. Vista, Ca. 92083 This business is conducted by an individual. First day of business . 8/1/1988. /s/Ruben Daniel Paramo Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San Diego on 12/31/2020. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/4/2021
FICTITIOUS BUSINESS NAME STATEMENT #2021-9000003 The name of the business: Blooming Desert Growers, located at 3460 Gird Road, Fallbrook, Ca. 92028. Registrant Information: Lupe and Robert E. Oldfield, Jr. 3460 Gird Road Fallbrook, CA. 92028 This business is conducted by a Married Couple. First day of business 01/19/2017. /s/ Robert E. Oldfield, Jr. Filed with Ernest J. Dronenburg Jr., County Clerk/Recorder of San 1iego on 01/04/2021. 1/14, 1/21, 1/28 & 2/07/2021
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