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September 14, 2017 ❖ Issue 234

Auxiliary Bishop John Dolan holds historic San Diego Mass St. John’s Catholic Church offers ‘outstretched hand’ to LGBT families on 20th anniversary of groundbreaking document

COMMENTARY Campaign for County Supervisor – here we go again

FEATURE AIDS Walk San Diego strives to keep the conversation going about HIV

ARTS PROFILE Patric Stillman: Committed to his creativity

contents September 14, 2017 ❖ Issue 234

12 AIDS Walk and Run San Diego EDITORIAL


Message from Our Publisher



Around the City


18 Patric Stillman

8 9 10 11

Queerly Forward Trans Progressive Politically Aware Conversations with the “Mayor of Hillcrest”


12 18

AIDS Walk and Run San Diego Patric Stillman


14 15 16 20

The City: Top to Bottom Movies: Top of the Lake Bookwatch: You’re In the Wrong Bathroom Eat This! Palate at KAABOO


15 Top of the Lake

22 25

WTF? Where’s the Faith? Bill’s Briefs



Real Estate

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego


MESSAGE FROM OUR PUBLISHER 4025 Camino Del Rio South, Suite 321 San Diego, CA 92108 619-546-8398



Here we go again ‌ Former District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis has thrown her hat in the ring to take over supervisor ron robert’s seat when he terms out in 2018. While Dumanis has not formally started her campaign, she has filed the paperwork. this sets up a rematch between nathan Fletcher and Dumanis who both ran for mayor, and lost, in 2012. the LGBt community is once again faced with a choice. An LGBt republi- Bonnie Dumanis can candidate who is just that, republican. or a straight, former republican that is now a Democrat. Fletcher made his transition from republican to independent to finally accepting himself for the Democrat that he is. now married to Democratic stalwart Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez Fletcher, Fletcher has a great connection to labor through his wife. Plus, the supervisor district has Democrat registered voters that are more than two times that of republican registration. While Dumanis, 65, has been generally successful in her races within san Diego, some feel it is time for Dumanis to retire. she has her pension from her judgeship, as well as her tenure as district attorney and some feel it is time for a new face. Fletcher, 40,

Stampp Corbin

is not exactly a new face but his is newer than that of Dumanis. there are some other fresher faces in the race; attorney omar Parsons and real estate advisor marcia nordstrom. retired Deputy Fire and rescue chief Ken marlborough is also running. But in my humble opinion, the race is really between Dumanis and Fletcher both who have name recognition that Nathan Fletcher eclipse all other candidates combined. the LGBt community is faced with a similar choice to the one we have had to always make concerning carl Demaio; how can we support Bonnie Dumanis when she is part of a party that tries to reverse transgender service in the military and clearly is ambivalent about LGBt rights. Bonnie, if you want me to seriously consider your candidacy, become a Democrat. of course, this is san Diego ‌ we might get a surprise in 2018, but my bet is on nathan Fletcher. � STAMPP CORBIN PUBLISHER San Diego LGBT Weekly

EDITOR Steve Lee

ART DIRECTOR Jeff Jungblut


REPORTERS Tom Andrew, Victor Hoff, Neal Putnam, Thom Senzee, Abby Walker

PHOTOGRAPHERS Vito Di Stefano Son Appareil Photography

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Nicole Murray Ramirez, Ted Gideonse, Bill Hanson, Rev. Dan Koeshall, Del Phillips, Lance Ryder, Autumn Sandeen, Joel Trambley


MEDIA PARTNER America’s First Cable News Affiliated LGBT Media Company

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Copyright Š 2017 San Diego LGBT Weekly. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any manner, in whole or in part, is strictly prohibited without permission of the publisher. San Diego LGBT Weekly print edition is published every other Thursday. San Diego LGBT Weekly is a community newsmagazine focused upon the issues that affect and interest members of the LGBT community. We strive to bring our readers the best in news and entertainment. The information given and the views and opinions expressed by columnists in this newsmagazine are the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views or position of San Diego LGBT Weekly.



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• Edie Windsor dies at 88


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St. John’s Catholic Church ‘outstretched hand’ reaches further BY THOM SENZEE

sAn dieGo CAthoLiC dioCese Auxiliary Bishop John dolan and Father Lucio Castillo are about to celebrate a historic mass at st. John the evangelist Church on the 20th anniversary of a pastoral document offered in 1997 as an “outstretched hand” from the nation’s bishops to “families of the LGBt community.” Auxiliary Bishop John “For us as a Dolan Catholic Church, [Aux. Bishop dolan] is a representative of the local head [of the church] and the idea – that symbolism – that the church as an institution is with the people, with all people; that’s the message: that we want to be with all people,” said Laura spencer-martin, director of the diocese’s office for Family Life and spirituality.

“As a diocese we want to be with people, with everyone; especially when people have been hurt,” spencer-martin continued. “i think he wants to send a message of love, compassion, listening and being with all the people.” in 2014, pope Francis sought to inculcate language that was more accepting of sexual diversity in its 2015 synod of Bishops report, issues facing the world’s families. But, in a rare defeat for the pontiff, he was rebuffed by his Vatican charges. though Francis accepted the Bishop’s report gracefully, it was a crushing blow for those in the progressive and LGBtQ communities, especially those within the church itself, who had hoped that Francis’ earlier remarks, including his famous rhetorical question, “Who am i to judge [gay people]?” had been perceived as a harbinger of new acceptance emanating from the holy see outward into the ranks of clerical establishment. Asked if now, in san diego, Aux. Bishop dolan was taking a risk by celebrating a mass aimed squarely at LGBtQ families and perhaps less directly at LGBtQ individuals, Laura

spencer-martin was circumspect. “is he taking a risk? i don’t know. But i feel inspired by his decision to do this and privileged to be with these families and help with some kind of reconciliation in my own ministries,” spencer-martin told San Diego LGBT Weekly. “i know people have been hurt and their relationships with God have been hurt by misunderstandings in the Church.”

‘The bishop is definitely sticking his neck out for our community’ “this is a truly historic mass,” said City Commissioner nicole murray ramirez, a longtime national LGBtQ-rights activist based in san diego and honorary mayor of hillcrest. “When you remember that this is the same diocese that 12 years ago refused to give a funeral to John mcCusker and just five or six years ago did the same thing again to sro’s owner, John sanfilippo, but now this bishop is welcoming LGBts and our families to celesee DOLAN, page 6 >>

Local leaders, activists call on San Diego’s LGBTQ+ Latino/a/x community to come together to provide unified voice of resistance As the trump AdministrAtion continues to attack the basic civil rights of immigrants and underrepresented communities across the nation and roll back protections of the LGBtQ+ community, local queer, transgender, bisexual, lesbian and gay Latino/a/x community members have announced the formation of the san diego County LGBtQ Latinx Coalition – a new alliance of community members, activists and leaders from across the region designed to give voice to the specific needs and priorities of san diego’s LGBtQ+ Latino/a/x community. in an email to the community last week, Carolina ramos from the san diego LGBt Community Center, Fernando Lopez from san diego pride, nick serrano from Assemblymember todd Gloria’s office and City Commissioner nicole murray ramirez issued

a call to san diego’s LGBtQ+ Latino/a/x community to come together and work to enhance the capacity of our community’s ability to build a movement and mobilize. “We see a need for one unified voice in san diego County that will be able to speak to the unique experiences and culture of san diego’s LGBtQ+ Latino/a/x community as well as be an advocate for their priorities. that’s what we intend for this coalition to do,” said nick serrano, a spokesman for the san diego County LGBtQ Latinx Coalition. “that’s why we are calling on all of our LGBtQ+ Latino/a/x community members in san diego County to join the Coalition, come to our inaugural meeting sept. 25 to build a

movement and help be a bold voice for the community.” the san diego LGBtQ Latinx Coalition will host its first official meeting sept. 25 at the san diego LGBt Community Center (3909 Centre street in san diego) beginning at 6 p.m. the meeting will feature guest speakers and a collaborative conversation about the coalition’s vision and agenda for the future. All LGBtQ+ Latino/a/x community members are welcome and encouraged to attend. Light refreshments will be provided. individuals who would like to attend should rsVp to A Facebook event invitation is also live and can be accessed at ❖

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego



>> DOLAN, from page 5

brate Mass,” Ramirez continued. “There are still people in the church who don’t want us there. I think it’s courageous.” In 2005, according to the San Diego UnionTribune, John McCusker, owner of now shuttered, but then wildly popular gay dance bar, Club Montage, was pointedly denied a funeral at The Immaculata Church located on the campus of the University of San Diego, a prestigious, private Catholic university. The 2005 decision to deny McCusker a Catholic funeral ceremony and last rites because of the nature of his “business practices” as a gay bar owner had come straight from the top, from none other than then-Bishop Robert Brom. However, (now Emeritus) Bishop Brom soon reversed his decision and ultimately presided over McCusker’s ceremony after a group of protestors including LGBTQ Catholics, among them Nicole Murray Ramirez, held a vigil outside the church. Years later, in 2011, when SRO Lounge owner John Sanfilippo died and a Catholic church in Little Italy did likewise, at first denying Sanfilippo a funeral, the situation was similarly corrected, according to the Union-Tribune. The diocese blamed the latter affair on a visiting priest who didn’t know local custom. But even as the San Diego Catholic Diocese’s Office of Family Life and Spirituality hosts the upcoming Mass marking the 20th anniversary since the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops released its pastoral document titled, Always our Children: A Pastoral Message To Parents Of Homosexual Children And Suggestions For Pastoral Ministers, a level of perceptible ambiguity and perhaps even remoteness insulates the diocese from being seen as going too far astray from current Catholic orthodoxy. As was the case with the 20-year-old document itself, groundbreaking and moving as it is, at a certain level the language of marketing material for the Oct. 7 Mass at St. John the Evangelist Church in Hillcrest keeps queer people at arm’s length. The Mass’ still warmly written invitation reads, “Join us for the 20th Anniversary Celebration of ‘Always Our Children’ Mass for families of [emphasis added] the LGBT community” – arguably playing it safer in the eyes of church hierarchy than might have been 6

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printing verbiage that directly addresses the LGBT community and our families (versus “families of the LGBT community). Arguable ambiguity of printed material notwithstanding, the director of the Diocese’s Office of Family Life and Spirituality Laura Spencer-Martin was decidedly unambiguous during our interview, passionately and directly urging lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans- St. John the Evangelist Church gender people, and people from all communities to join the cele- Church, both on the world stage and here in San bration of Mass next month with Aux. Bishop Diego. Aaron Bianco was quoted in the Wall Dolan and Fr. Castillo at St. John’s Church. Street Journal in 2015 about his having been told “We want to be with all people,” she said. by the bishop who replaced Emeritus Bishop Nicole Murray Ramirez sees no problem Brom, the man who once denied a local gay bar with the invitation, no ambiguity in the Mass owner the last rites, not to worry about losing his and least of all no timidity nor ambiguity on job with the church for being openly gay. the part of Bishop Dolan. From the Wall Street Journal: “He is sticking his neck out for our commuBut the new bishop assured Mr. Bianco that nity by celebrating this Mass,” Ramirez said. he wouldn’t lose his job because he is gay. Bishop [Robert] McElroy “let me know that [being gay] Lasting change comes slowly should not hinder me from participating fully in When it comes to Christianity’s oldest and the life of the church,” said Mr. Bianco, who has longest-enduring institution, the Catholic since taken another position outside the church. Church, change comes very slowly, according A stridently rightwing Catholic news site to theologians and religion experts. recently lamented Bishop Dolan’s “LGBT“The pope goes slow because he wants to be friendly” ethos, citing this decidedly benign sure that the changes have a deep impact,” quote purportedly uttered by the auxiliary Archbishop Victor Fernández told an Italian bishop as evidence of his ill-fittedness for the newspaper in 2015. robes of clergy: “Young adults have an accept“The slow pace is necessary to ensure the ance of the LGBT experience. It is simply a effectiveness of the changes. He knows there part of their world, and they look at us, and are those hoping that the next pope will turn say, ‘What is the problem?’” everything back around. If you go slowly it’s Apparently change comes even more slowly more difficult to turn things back,” Arch- in some Catholic corners than others. ❖ bishop Fernández, a close confidant of Pope Francis, continued during his interview with Corriere della Sera two years ago. Always Our Children “Yes, that’s true,” said Aaron Bianco, pastoral Mass for families of the LGBT associate and coordinator of LGBT ministry community at St. John the Evangelist Church in Hillcrest. Saturday, Oct. 7, 11 a.m. “But when the church does evolve – and I St. John the Evangelist Church know it happens at a frustratingly slow pace – 1638 Polk Ave. in San Diego however, it doesn’t go backward.” But change does come to the Catholic

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Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego





What makes a family THE NATURE OF FAMILY IS INHERENTLY unique, despite a snapshot from the 1950s and numerous conservative groups claiming otherwise. My favorite course in college was an American Studies class simply named: Families in America. Already out and proud, I reveled in the way our professor educated about family structure throughout history, disproving the nuclear family – with its straight, cis married parents and 2.5 kids – as the historical norm. The course taught from the foundation of our country, with its communal childrearing, all the way through the present, where “normal” doesn’t exist and defining family is a deeply personal act. When defending the way I define my own family, my brain immediately jumps to a quote from the TV show Bones: “Are two people a family?” “Isn’t that how every family starts?” In my life, two people – and a tiny three-legged dog – make a family. We are no


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less or more of a family than any other. Our little family is defined by love and commitment, by building a future together one day at a time. While my family of origin and extended family do exist, scattered throughout the country, they are not who comes to mind. On the day I took my wedding vows, my family became the family I chose, the family I continue to choose each and every day. Like many of our fellow LGBTQ community members, we continue to build a family through love, not blood. I have a big brother who was once my roommate, three sisters I first forged friendships with as a teenager and countless other friends whose hearts have wrapped us up in kindness and support through the most difficult of times. We will one day become aunt and uncle to the children of our closest friends, a position carrying so much more weight as we seek to determine if children of our own is some-

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

thing we want in our definition of family. On the days we lean toward adding tiny humans to the mix, the conversation is often about fostering or adoption, instead of pregnancy – a testament to our hearts loving so much more deeply than through the bonds of blood. We have been truly lucky in finding an incredible chosen family. We have people to call in the middle of the night, people who will lend us an ear or couch, people who will have our backs and understand our hearts through the good times and bad. Finding these people has not been easy. We have weeded through friends who have broken our hearts and surrogate family members who have revoked their promises of home without second thought. But through the fire, we have found beautiful souls who are deserving of being the family we choose. For those lucky enough to have the continued support of their family of origin, it is crucial to remember that some in our community do not have that joy. Some are left feeling orphaned, when their sexuality or gender severs a relationship that is supposed to be infallible and the promise of unconditional love is broken. This is why support within our community is essential. We have a responsibility to love and care for one another, as we exist in a world where we are so often mistreated and disregarded by those outside of our community. In a time when what we care most about is constantly at risk of being ripped away, it will be our family, it will be our community, who carries us through. ❖



An evangelical therapist on parents’ ‘transgendered children’ WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR CHILD Tells You They Are Transgendered was the name of the keynote address at the Hope Gathering, 2012, given by Dr. Marc Dillworth. He’s a marriage and family counselor and self-identified Christian who specializes in reparative (also known as conversion) therapy for gender dysphoria; his keynote address was given mostly to parents “struggling” with having children who came out to them as “transgendered.” The talk is sold in DVD format by Hope 4 Families. In the first portion of the talk, Dillworth defines terminology as used by the community. He was up to date on transgender culture and terms as used in 2012. Dillworth stated his belief that there are only two types of transgender people, in accordance with the Ray Blanchard/Michael Bailey model of transsexuality. That is, there are homosexual transsexuals who are essentially gay men who need to be women to be comfortable being with gay men, and supercrossdressers who transition for the sexual thrill of living as women. Transgender preadolescents, according to Dillworth, are being led into crossgender identities by one or both parents who consciously or unconsciously want their children to be the opposite sex than they were born as. Dillworth cited eight scriptures on the sin of “homosexual behavior” in scripture. Since Dillworth believes in the Blanchard/Bailey model for why people are transgender, he applies it to transgender people. Having “homosexual desire” or gender dysphoria (also “gender confusion”) is not a sin, but acting on those desires is a sin. So in Dillworth’s worldview, transitioning is sexual sin because it’s acting on gender dysphoria, a sin against the body. Dillworth said there were three options for a parent when a child came out to a parent: 1) be gay/trans affirming {which he considers “heresy”}, 2) tough love {which he states doesn’t work due to a) the “high suicide rate of the transgender community”} or b) driving the child into the support network of the transgender community}, or 3) “Winning over the Prodigal.” The last refers to a parable of Jesus Christ’s where the goals of redemption and reconciliation are possible. “When the gay lifestyle

breaks down,” Dillworth says, “you’re looking for opportunities to welcome them back.” A child being gay or transgender is a spiritual problem, Dillworth said, a matter to turn over to God, and leave it to God to “call them out of homosexuality.” Do whatever you can to keep them connected to church, such as drawing the boundary that school age teens must continue going to church. The next things Dillworth said to do was show unconditional love and allow for free will. Love, and allowing one’s children to make even wrong decisions, creates opportunities to welcome out these children of the “gay lifestyle.” Dillworth said this is the gay (transgender) script: same sex attraction (SSA) and “transgender” (meaning transgender experience) is naturally occurring and is as God intended. SSA is how you know who you really are and is an extension of your core. Denial of the behavior is a denial of your core and harmful.

Dillworth says this is the Christian script: “SSA or transgender is the result of some type of problem or condition. SSA or gender confusion is part of your experience – yes, but it does not have to define who you are … your identity. You have a choice to make about your same sex attraction: you can make it just a part of your identity, a weakness – we all have weaknesses – or your whole identity. We as Christians don’t believe that your feelings should dictate your identity, do we? What do we form our identity in? Our identity is in Christ. You can choose to form your identity around other experiences too.” For the LGBT community, what any evangelical, reparative therapist is telling parents what to do when confronted with a transgender child coming out to them is important considering a 2015 Pew Research Center poll indicated 25.4 percent of the U.S. population identified themselves as evangelical. ❖

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego




The DACA dilemma LAST WEEK, ATTORNEY GENERAL JEFF Sessions announced that the Trump administration would end the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program started by President Obama in 2012. DACA allows undocumented immigrants who came to the country as minors and who do not have criminal records (among other criteria) to live and work in the United States. Sessions announced a six month waiting period, during which President Trump called on Congress to take action to protect those covered by DACA, also known as the DREAMers from a prior legislative attempt to provide them legal status called the Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors (DREAM) Act. House Speaker Paul Ryan announced support for a legislative solution that would permanently protect the DREAMers. Democrats are largely united in their support of DACA/DREAM Act protections.


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How could an idea supported by the Republican president, the Republican speaker of the House and Democrats fail? Easily. Many Republicans think they need to get something in return for passing a DREAM Act. Democrats see no reason to negotiate. Both of them may be right. Polls show a majority of Americans support letting the DREAMers stay. There is division about whether DREAMers should have a path to citizenship (58 percent, Politico/Morning Consult 8/31-9/3) or not (18 percent), but just 15 percent of registered voters, including only 24 percent of Republicans and 26 percent of Trump voters, actually support their deportation. Making DACA protections into law would clearly be popular, and adding a path to citizenship isn’t out of the question. By demanding a vote on DACA legislation with no trade-offs, Democrats either get a win or a great issue for 2018.

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Republicans, however, are looking at different and equally relevant data. Number crunching by shows that Trump did extremely well with primary voters who considered immigration their most important issue; indeed, the margins he ran up with these voters are arguably what carried him to victory. These energized voters also show up in low turnout elections, like midterm primaries. Unless Republican congressmembers can show they got something in return, like border wall funding, a vote to support DACA risks a primary challenge from someone more conservative. This appears to be what Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is thinking, as he hasn’t voiced support for DACA, but is open to “securing our border and ensuring a lawful system of immigration that works.” The resolution of this conundrum will depend largely on Trump, who has credibility with immigration hardliners and an impressive ability to change the minds of his voters. His aides have suggested that he will not require border wall funding to support DACA, and he already tweeted his support to DREAMers at Minority Leader Pelosi’s request. It would be ironic if the man who promised to “immediately terminate” DACA pushed the DREAM Act over the finish line, but if Trump stands firm, and can bring his voters along, he just might pull it off. ❖

San Diego’s most-read gay columnist for more than 40 years



Hispanic Heritage Month: LGBTQ Latinos organizing Sept. 25 THIS FRIDAY BEGINS THE ANNUAL National Hispanic Heritage Month. As I have often said, “The Golden State is turning brown” and San Diego is also, with Latinos soon becoming the majority. Monday, Sept. 25 there will be the first organizing meeting of the San Diego County Latino LGBTQ Coalition. The meeting will be held at The LGBT Community Center at 6 p.m. and all Latinos are invited. Special keynote speaker will be Latina activist Gloria Cruz, who was a speaker at July’s Stonewall Rally (Council Aide to Councilwoman Gomez), and the former Mayor of Chula Vista Steve Padilla. The response to the announcement has been overwhelmingly positive and for further information look up the Facebook page:

Catholic Bishop’s Mass for LGBT community Oct. 7 Yes, you read it right, Saturday Oct. 7 at St. John’s the Evangelist Church (1638 Polk Ave.) at 11 a.m. Bishop John Dolan will be saying a Catholic Mass for “families of the LGBT community” and all are welcome to this historic Mass. Aaron Bianco, Carolina Ramos and I have been working on this for the past months and this will be a special celebration. From a San Diego Bishop who refused to say a Mass for people living with AIDS, and refusing to say a funeral Mass for two gay businessmen (John McCusker and John Sanfilippo) and being so homophobic to now two San Diego Bishops who believe indeed that we are all God’s children. See you all Oct. 7.

Richard Grenell will make an outstanding ambassador Ric Grenell is one of our nation’s top and most articulate foreign policy experts. He is serving as the U.S. official spokesperson at the United Nations and has served four United States ambassadors. I first met Ric when he served on Mayor Susan Golding’s staff and was a top advisor to former Councilman Carl DeMaio’s close congresRichard Grenell sional race. Ric is one of the most intelligent individuals I have ever met and has been with his husband for 15 years. He is a proud gay Christian man who has supported almost every LGBT civil rights legislation. He has a Master’s Degree in public policy from Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government. While I may disagree with Ric on different political issues, he is one of the most qualified gay nominees ever to be put up for an ambassadorship and I will be writing letters of support for him to our two outstanding U.S. senators, Diane Feinstein and Kamala Harris. President Trump, make an outstanding choice for our next ambassador to Germany!

Nathan Fletcher for County supervisor For too long arch-conservative Republicans have controlled the San Diego County Board of Supervisors. It is time for this to change and

Marine veteran and former State Assemblyman Nathan Fletcher will begin this change. I have worked with Nathan and have seen firsthand how he is a champion for all veterans and the homeless. He will be a champion and a voice for the voiceless. The Board of Supervisors have refused to support bringing back the County’s Human Nathan Fletcher Relations Commission as the rise in hate crimes continue. Nathan has vowed to fight to bring it back. He has been a strong advocate for LGBT civil rights and has a 100 percent voting record. A father of four, he is married to State Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez Fletcher. Join the vast majority of Democratic leaders, LGBT leaders and neighborhood leaders in supporting Nathan Fletcher for County supervisor. Fletcher has been endorsed by GLBT Vote 2018 and Democrats for Equality. Thank you Ron Roberts for your decades of public service and being a long-time friend of the LGBT community. ❖ NICOLEMRSANDIEGO@AOL.COM • an award-winning columnist since 1973 • a Latino and gay activist for more than 45 years • currently a city commissioner and has served the last seven mayors of San Diego • national board member of the Harvey Milk Foundation • chairman of the International Court Council of the USA, Canada and Mexico

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego



Keep walking, keep talking AIDS Walk strives to keep the conversation going about HIV BY CORRI PLANCK

WHEN IT COMES TO HELPING IN THE fight against HIV, AIDS Walk & Run San Diego organizers are encouraging people to both walk the walk and talk the talk. Leading up to this year’s 28th annual event Saturday, Sept. 30, The San Diego LGBT Community Center launched the “Keep Walking. Keep Talking” campaign. Participants were invited to share what they want to “Keep Talking” about with regards to HIV. Many addressed the need to continue the discussions about HIV prevention, current treatments and about ending the stigma associated with HIV. Some wanted to make special note of loved ones lost to the disease. It is those conversations, Center officials say, that are vital to ending new HIV infections and getting those who are HIV positive to undetectable viral load levels so they cannot transmit the virus. David Vance, 25, is the co-chair of The Center’s Young Professionals Council and also a PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) coordinator for The Center. Vance says that the dialogue around HIV is helping more people understand the options that are available to protect themselves better, but that more work needs to be done. “When I came into my job, I knew a lot of facts about HIV. I knew a lot about PrEP. I knew a lot about stigma and why it’s important to fight it,” Vance said. “But what I’ve really learned in working with people and talking about HIV is that you have to figure out how to talk about sexual health, number one, in a way that’s normalized, and number two, in a way that fits into people’s lives in a whole person way. 12

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“The vast majority of people who come into test now know about PrEP; they at least know what it is. More and more people who walk through the door know about undetectability. They may not be 100 percent clear on the details, but they’ve heard and they are aware that that is a possibility,” Vance observed. “This level of knowledge in the community is much higher than it was a couple of years ago. “Even though PrEP and HIV is what I’m focused on, the person who’s coming in has 80,000 other things going on in their life besides getting on PrEP” Vance continued. “We have to find a way where talking about sexual health is just talking about health; where it’s as normal as talking about any other aspect of their life.” The Young Professionals Council is fielding a team for AIDS Walk, and Vance says it’s an important way for its members to contribute to the conversation and to put into action the skills they learned during the Young Professionals Academy.

AIDS Walk really is the perfect vehicle to bring us all together, no matter what our experiences have been around HIV.

“I think, first and foremost, leadership is about service. Leadership isn’t about lifting yourself up as a leader, it’s about serving other people,” Vance said. “AIDS Walk is the largest fundraiser for San Diego County, and this is a way to impact our community in a real way and that’s the most important thing. “This is a really good opportunity for people in the YPC to put some of the skills they learned into practice. It’s a good way to get your feet wet with fundraising for the greater benefit of the community,” Vance continued. “It’s about educating our community, remem-

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

bering our history and moving forward at the same time. It’s about leading by example.” Vance noted that while the idea of fundraising can sound intimidating, especially for younger adults, the members of the Young Professionals Council are committed to finding ways to engage their peers for a good cause. “If you’re a 25 year old, fundraising sounds like something you do when you have 20-plus years of work experience and you have a lot of friends with a lot of money,” Vance said. “So it’s incredibly inspiring to see people in their twenties raising hundreds and hundreds, and sometimes even thousands of dollars. It’s clear there’s something we can do, too.” At press time, the Young Professionals Council was one of the top five fundraising teams, having raised more than $7,500. Funds from AIDS Walk & Run support HIV services and prevention programs at The Center, and have also supported the work of several local agencies, including Being Alive, Christie’s Place, Family Health Centers, Fraternity House, Mama’s Kitchen, North County LGBTQ Resource Center, Pozabilities, San Diego Volunteer Lawyer Program, San Diego Youth Services, San Ysidro Health Center, Stepping Stone, Strength for the Journey, Townspeople, UCSD Mother Child and Adolescent HIV Program and the Vista Community Clinic. It’s not just funds the YPC members are raising. They are also committed to continuing to raise awareness about HIV. “Frankly, I don’t think I got any messages about HIV when I was growing up,” Vance recalled. “Where I was at (Wisconsin), the homophobia was less about gay people being sinful and we don’t like them, it just wasn’t spoken of at all. There were no words that I heard about LGBT or HIV. There was no formal sex education, let alone one that included LGBT issues. I can’t even remember the first time I heard about it. But I do remember when I first started coming out, some of my family members were saying, ‘Be careful.’ It was a subtle


way of saying ‘Be careful you don’t get HIV.’” Vance noted that young people today are growing up with different images and messages, but that it’s still important to have open conversations about what’s really happening in their lives, particularly when it comes to sexuality. “The messages that young people need to hear are that it’s OK and it’s necessary to talk about these things openly,” Vance said. “And that there’s no shame in talking openly about sexuality and sexual health, and what we can do to improve our sexual health. The silence and the lack of information can perpetuate fear and stigma, but also increases the rates of HIV infection. “There are many different ways in which you can stay sexually healthy. There’s not one singular option. It’s about finding the option that’s best for that individual person,” Vance continued. “There’s no shame; there’s nothing wrong with living with HIV. If you are living with HIV, or become HIV-positive, it does not mean your life is over. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy or that you can’t live a happy, joyous, fulfilled life, regardless of your status.” That’s the message that has driven The Center’s #BeTheGeneration campaign, a strategic effort to end new HIV transmission in San Diego. “Early detection is the key,” said Dr. Delores A. Jacobs, chief executive officer of The Center. “Early detection is key for cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and that’s what is vital for HIV. People who are sexually active should be tested for HIV one to three times per year. “We have these tools – early detection, PrEP, PEP treatment, medication. There are tools available if you test negative to help you stay negative. There are tools available from the moment you test positive,” Jacobs said. “For those who test positive, it’s vital to immediately connect to treatment and medication. Those who get and stay connected to treatment and medication live longer, healthier lives. And with treatment, people can get to undetectable viral load levels and then can’t transmit the virus. “This is not where we were 20 years ago, and yet, this still is not over,” Jacobs continued. “We know there are disparities in care and treatment, particularly for Latinos and African Americans. There’s not easy enough access to testing, treatment and medication. We’re dedicated to resolving these disparities. We’re all dedicated to ending new cases of HIV infection. That is within reach if we bear down and focus.” And that’s the work of #BeTheGeneration

AIDS Walk & Run San Diego Saturday, Sept. 30 Normal and Harvey Milk streets in Hillcrest 6 a.m. — on-site registration begins 7:20 a.m. – Run begins 7:30 a.m. – Walk begins

and other efforts supported by AIDS Walk, to encourage HIV testing, to educate San Diegans about the full range of options and to encourage medical providers to make routine HIV testing more available, to strengthen HIV prevention efforts, to ensure that people who are HIV positive are connected to treatment, to stop the fear and stigma still too often associated with being HIV positive and to advocate for public policies that provide people at risk for HIV full access to medical options to prevent HIV and to ensure treatment for those who are positive. “AIDS Walk really is the perfect vehicle to bring us all together, no matter what our experiences have been around HIV. It’s not just remembering our history and those we’ve lost,

or just about protecting those living with it now,” Vance said. “People are there with a variety of different experiences. Some people have been living with HIV for decades. There are others who lived through the epidemic and lost their friends. There are others who never had AIDS in their world, and that the world of HIV now is that it’s a manageable condition. “We have people there from every point in the history of HIV/AIDS. In a very real way, it’s a great opportunity to get people talking and exchanging that information,” Vance said. “Certainly HIV is very manageable and we’ve made a lot of advances, but there are still too many people diagnosed each year. But we also have new and different ways with which we can manage it.” ❖

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego


thursday, sept. 14 Kiss of the Spider Woman

Lawrence Welk Resorts Theatre, 8860 Lawrence Welk Dr. in Escondido, 1 p.m. and 8 p.m., tickets $51, 888-802-7469,

Kiss of the Spider Woman


Wayne Colley, better known as “Kountry Wayne,” has consistently performed year-round, regularly selling out clubs and theaters across the country to a diverse, wide-reaching audience with his unique brand of high energy, faith based and clean content. Wayne still resides in South Georgia where he runs two successful businesses in addition to his presence online and on the road. With his humble roots and unbridled energy it’s clear Wayne will be making people laugh for years to come. The American Comedy Company, 818B Sixth Ave. in San Diego, 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., tickets $22, 619-795-3858,

San Diego

sunday, sept. 17 Quartet Cecily, Reggie and Wilfred reside in a home for retired opera singers in Kent, England. Each year, on Oct. 10, there is a concert to celebrate Verdi’s birthday. Jean, who used to be married to Reggie, arrives at the home and disrupts their equilibrium. She still acts like a diva and refuses to sing. But the show must go on in this funny and poignant play by the author of Another Time, The Dresser and Interpreters that premiered at the Albery Theatre, London.

monday, sept. 18 The Wound Kountry Wayne

Lola Demure




The Wound is an exploration of tradition and sexuality set amid South Africa’s Xhosa culture. Every year, the tribe’s young men are brought to the mountains of the Eastern Cape to participate in an ancient coming-of-age ritual. Xolani, a quiet and sensitive factory worker (played by openly gay musician Nakhane Touré), is assigned to guide Kwanda, a city boy from Johannesburg sent by his father to be toughened up, through this rite of passage into manhood. Digital Gym Cinema, 2921 El Cajon Blvd. in North Park, check Web site for times, general admission $11, 619-230-1938,

tuesday, sept. 19 Benny & Joon A delightful world premiere musical based on the beloved offbeat ’90s romantic comedy movie. As Joon’s sole caretaker, auto mechanic Benny makes sure his eccentric sister lives a comfortable, safe and predictable life. But when Sam shows up, his off-kilter take on the world – full of classic films, Buster Keaton, and an oddball approach to domestic life – turns everything upside down. Donald and Darlene Shiley Stage, The Old Globe Theatre, 1363 Old Globe Way in Balboa Park, 7 p.m., tickets from $38, 619-234-5623,

saturday, sept. 16 Lola Demure’s Burlesque & Variety Show Originally from Los Angeles, Lola Demure comes from a long line of Vaudevillian performers and ballerinas. Demure has a new show at the San Diego House of Blues bringing the best in burlesque, circus and vaudevillian performances to the stage!

Benny & Joon Tuesday at The Old Globe Theatre

PowPAC, Poway’s Community Theatre, 13250 Poway Road in Poway, 2 p.m., tickets $22, 858-679-8085,


friday, sept. 15 Kountry Wayne




It revamps a harrowing tale of persecution into a dazzling spectacle that juxtaposes gritty realities with liberating fantasies. Cellmates in a Latin American prison, Valentin is a tough revolutionary undergoing torture and Molina is an unabashed gay man serving eight years. Molina shares his fantasies about an actress, Aurora (originated on Broadway by Chita Rivera) with Valentin. One of her roles is a spider woman who kills with a kiss.

House of Blues San Diego, 1055 Fifth Ave in San Diego, 8 p.m., tickets from $25, 619-299-2583,


The Wound


Dallas Green ❖ Sept. 14, 2017

wednesday, sept. 20 City and Colour City and Colour, aka world-renowned singer, songwriter and performer Dallas Green, has traversed the globe on tour, collected scores of accolades and released numerous successful albums. Most recently, he released his acclaimed fifth studio record, If I Should Go Before You, which debuted at No. 16 on the Billboard 200 Chart. Humphreys Concerts by the Bay, 2241 Shelter Island Dr. in San Diego, 7:30 p.m., tickets $39, 800-745-3000,





A powerful and haunting mystery from Jane Campion MOVIES BY TED GIDEONSE

I COULD WATCH ELISABETH MOSS DO anything. A few years ago, at the height of her fame as proto-feminist Peggy on Mad Men, Excedrin started rerunning an old commercial she did for them, and it’s utterly unlike anything else you might see on TV selling something; she could be doing a monologue from A Doll’s House about aspirin. This summer, her turn as Offred in The Handmaid’s Tale was exceptional, a performance of every emotion available, of a prototypical modern feminist who is trapped as a chattel in a misogynistic dystopia. Weeks after that show’s season finale, she has returned as the determined and deeply damaged Detective Robin Griffin in Top of the Lake, Jane Campion’s unnerving, disturbing, and gorgeous Australian police procedural. And, of course, Moss is amazing. She’s having a year as good as Laura Dern and Nicole Kidman are; coincidentally Kidman is in Top of the Lake and is, also, amazing. The new season took four years to show up, and it takes place not too long after the events in the first, when Robin broke up a pedophilia ring in New Zealand after various physical and psychological traumas. Robin wasn’t whole in New Zealand, and back in Australia, the mess of that case and her messy past are haunting her, subtly in her waking life and violently in her sleep. Her fuse is short and her tolerance for bull very low. Her response to the casual sexism of the men in the police department is a seething restraint, and she relies on outbursts and beer to deal with it all. To Robin’s annoyance, a needy fan in the department, played with sly comedic brilliance by Gwendolyn Christie, is assigned as her mentee and partner. Miranda is the near opposite of Christie’s iconic Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones; Miranda is clumsy and unsure and undisciplined, and her lightness allows us respite from Robin’s almost relentless agony. When they are assigned to deal with a horrific crime – a suitcase full of the ravaged body of an Asian prostitute washes up on Bondi Beach – Robin is drawn to the horror,

Nicole Kidman in Top of the Lake

Top of the Lake: China Girl Directed by Jane Campion Written by Jane Campion and Gerard Lee Starring Elisabeth Moss, Alice Englert and Nicole Kidman On Sundance TV and Hulu

and Miranda is horrified, if dutybound. Meanwhile, a middle class 17-year-old Australian white girl named Mary (Alice Englert) is in love with an older, and very creepy, German man named Puss (David Dencik), who taught the victim and her friends English. At first Mary seems to be rebellious, acting out because her mother Julia (Kidman) has left her father Pyke (Ewen Leslie) for another woman. But then it becomes clear that Mary is more than just contrary; Julia, enraged and upset recognizes this, but Pyke, pretending to be OK with everything, denies Mary’s deeper problems. And then we discover that Mary and Robin (and in turn, Robin and Julia and Pyke and Puss) are connected, and it’s both narratively hard to believe and emotionally inevitable. Kidman, dotted with freckles and her front teeth given a wide gap, makes Julia un-

Elisabeth Moss in Top of the Lake

settling to watch; she’s angry and terrified and jealous and confused. Campion, who won an Oscar for writing The Piano, writes troubled women better than anyone else alive, and Robin, Mary, Miranda and Julia are indelible and difficult and entrancing. They’re so real as to almost be terrifying, but Campion seems to be doing more than showing the sad, agonizing result of violence, poverty and misogyny. She is showing us how they all survive, some better than others, sometimes with great struggle. Moss, who has created a body of work on TV in the last decade depicting how women can maneuver, escape, and even excel in terrible situations, is the perfect vessel for Campion’s vision. ❖

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego



Get ready for a lot of education BOOKWATCH BY TERRI SCHLICHENMEYER

who they are or will be, what they’ll be called, whether to have surgery, and how they’ll dress. And no, you cannot ask what’s in their pants, but

HOW DOES THAT WORK? When you were little and that question arose, you simply took things apart – but that didn’t always work so well. In “You’re in the Wrong Bathroom!” by Laura Erickson-Schroth, MD and Laura A. Jacobs, LCSW-R, it’s time for a different way of seeing things. “You’re in the Wrong One million people. That’s approximately how many transgender individuals Bathroom!” And 20 Other live in the U.S. “Chances are,” say the authors, “you’ve met Myths and Misconceptions one (or more) of them,” and you didn’t even realize it. So About Transgender and why do many people think they don’t know anyone who’s Gender-Nonconforming transgender? People The answer goes back to a 1960s-era estimate that didn’t take by Laura Erickson-Schroth, race or economics into account, and that may still lead to myths MD and Laura A. Jacobs, and wrong assumptions. Misunderstandings happen because LCSW-R of that old study, lines blur, and “It’s crucial to ask ourselves why © 2017, Beacon Press it bothers us so much …” $16.00 / $22.00 Canada It’s a myth to believe that any single thing can define a 182 pages “trans” person, say the authors. Each individual decides on

you can respectfully inquire about preferred pronouns. The sexuality of a transgender individual may be complex, say the authors, or it may be a fluid process filled with surprises, but transitioning isn’t a way to “trick” anyone into anything. Disclosure to friends, family, and potential mates is likewise not easily defined, so it’s best left to the individual. Obviously, none of this is “easy.” Trans people have been around for centuries and were once revered in various cultures throughout history. They are not “broken” or “trapped in the wrong body” and they do not need to be “fixed.” They’ve gone through many steps to transition, and the vast majority will not have regrets for it. And using “safety” as an argument for denying them bathroom usage is incorrect – unless you’re talking “safety” for the trans individual zierself. Questions. You’ve got a zillion of them and, especially if you’re transitioning or thinking about it, so do your friends and family. “You’re in the Wrong Bathroom!” can answer twenty of them. Beginning at the basics with “Identity,” authors Laura EricksonSchroth and Laura A. Jacobs take the most common lore about the “T” in LGBT and gently correct any wrong beliefs that may be lurking in readers’ minds. That’s a good start, but there were times when the authors seemed too nice; more adamant language could have been appropriate. Even so, there’s a good sense of mind-easing in most cases here, followed by a carefully-measured MYOB tone. At some point, then, and no pun intended, this book transitions more toward gender-nonconforming readers and less for cisgender folks, allowing the latter even better insight. There’s a lot of education as well as food for thought inside this book, for those who’ve transitioned as well as those who are pondering it and for their loved ones. If you need something to help set the naysayers right, “You’re in the Wrong Bathroom!” will work. ❖ 16

San Diego

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

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Sept. 14, 2017 â?&#x2013; San Diego




PATRIC STILLMAN HAS BEEN ACTIVE in the local art scene for over 30 years and is a self-taught artist. He is the founder and director of The Studio Door here in San Diego located in North Park at 3750 30th Street. Stillman grew up in Minnesota and as he explains, his love of art came directly from a close family member. “No doubt that my mom passed along the energy and creativity,” Stillman said. “I look back now and I realize she really was fearless. When she wasn’t busy handling the family, the cooking and house, she was in the basement where she had set up a hair salon and work studio. She loved creative challenges. She knew how to knit, quilt, crochet, paint and more. She made a stain glass window for the front door, hung plants on the patio in homemade jute plant hangers and the holidays were filled with gifts of pottery that she painted and baked. Her enthusiasm for being creative was endless. She was remarkable.” Stillman has said that he’s had an awakening regarding his work as an artist and that it made him who he is today. “I grew up with parents who encouraged my creativity,” Stillman said. “I believe the arts helped me find the confidence to define who I wanted to be. As an adult, I struggled quite a bit with my career jumping back and forth be18

San Diego

tween business, community service and the arts. My portfolio grew but seemed to be full of sketches and ideas for some larger work that never really happened. After the turn of the century, I consciously sat myself down to contemplate what I wanted out of my life and made a real commitment to my creativity.” Over the years Stillman has dabbled in many different types of art. His work ranges from paintings to sculpture and even photography. He

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

made his way to San Diego after spending years in San Francisco as a young artist in the ’80s. “San Francisco was very different in the ‘80s. The hippie thing had receded by then but the city was still filled with liberal, creative people. Outside of the legitimate galleries and the city funded organizations, the motto for art seemed to be anything goes. It was a real education for me. In spite of being well traveled, I still was just a boy from the rural part


of Minnesota. I was constantly surprised by finding new murals, pop up performances and festival sized works in Golden Gate Park. We lost so many artists to AIDS by then so there was quite a bit of confusion as well. “San Francisco was a very social city. People took an interest in each other. It was a fantastic Gay Mecca with endless possibilities. Even then you could hold hands or steal a kiss on the street in most neighborhoods without any trouble. When I saw something go down with the police in the Castro, strangers would intervene to make sure that things didn’t get out of hand. The most difficult part of that time for me was that it was hard to make friends because everyone was feeling so much loss due to the AIDS epidemic but even with their grief, the community pulled itself together to take care of our own. I volunteered with The Shanti Project not realizing how much I would be involved in AIDS organizations throughout my career.” Stillman came out when he was a young man but as with most men, he struggled to find the right time to share his news with his family. “Coming out is never an easy process,” Stillman admitted. “I was very fortunate. I sort of had to come out twice. I came out to my parents while I was in high school but was too shy to admit to having had sex so they held out some hope that it was a phase. They made it clear that they loved me but didn’t want that kind of life for me. In true Midwestern fashion, we all sort of tiptoed around the subject and struggled with it on our own. By the time college rolled around, I fell in love and decided to move to San Francisco so that required another talk. When that relationship went south, my mother soothed my worries by talking about how difficult things were when she first married my father. It was a huge step for both of us, which was very healing and brought us closer.” Given his life experiences Stillman has drawn from those experiences and it has become his palate for his artwork. I believe that my best work is personal,” Stillman confided. “Gay themes come naturally to my viewpoint as an artist. I get new ideas and techniques when I play with different media. I approach visual art much like an actor who may be known for doing dramatic theater but also knows how to act to the camera, model, sing and dance. When I made the

decision to focus on my creativity, Brotherhood Tarot was the first project. Using the tradition of the Tarot and mixing it up with the gay male experience, I was able to express my spirituality, my sexuality, my wanderlust and my creativity for the first time. This year, I have come full circle with my art returning to these themes but now they are taking on a cinematic form influenced heavily by film noir.” It’s clear that Stillman’s work is personal. Living in San Francisco during the ‘80s gave him firsthand experience in watching the AIDS epidemic unfold. Many of Stillman’s friends, like so many during that time, succumbed to the disease and are featured in some of his works. “My loved ones often appear in my work,” Stillman admitted. “I lost so many friends over the years that I dedicated a good deal of my life working in HIV/AIDS services. In recent works, they are popping up in my 55 Project. While I was working on my solo show, I wanted to hide those works until they were ready to be seen but I didn’t want people to forget that I’m an artist. Often, people just see me as a gallery owner or businessman. So I came up with the idea that I would paint one year of my life each week for 55 weeks, which will lead to my 55th birthday later this year. Friends who are no longer alive pop up, for sure. Impossible to forget the love, the friendships and the heartbreak.”

Last year Stillman’s work was seen in Paris and he was also commissioned to paint a lifesize cow for the Got Milk campaign. This year his work has been seen locally. “This year, my work was exhibited locally at the Oceanside Museum of Art and Poway Performing Arts Center among others,” Stillman said. “My self-portrait was just accepted into L Street Gallery for the Best of the Oceanside Museum of Art Artist Alliance, which I am very excited about. I spent the first half of the year preparing for my solo show Person Place or Thing. While I continue to work on that series, I’ve been building relationships to get my work seen in other cities. It takes time and I hope that next year, the work will find its way to Toronto, New York or San Francisco.” There is one thing that comes across when listening to Stillman speak of his work and his life and that is that he is a humble man. He’s accomplished quite a bit thus far but is more than aware that he can’t rest on his laurels. Humble indeed. “Being an active artist in today’s world requires a lot of work outside of the studio,” Stillman confessed. “You never really know what will happen next. There is a great deal of competition and nearly as many gatekeepers.” For more on Patric Stillman and The Studio Door visit or ❖

Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego



Go for the music, stay for the food EAT THIS! BY LANCE RYDER

KAABOO, the three-dAy multifAceted entertainment and lifestyle festival featuring the best in music, comedy, contemporary art and cuisine, returns for its third year to the del Palate at KAABOO mar racetrack and Del Mar Racetrack fairgrounds friday, + Fairgrounds Sept. 15-Sunday, Sept. 2260 Jimmy 17. headliners include Durante Blvd. Pink, tom Petty & the Del Mar heart Breakers, muse and the red hot chili /dine-drink Peppers. impressive, yes, but what really rocks my world is the lineup of local chefs, restaurants, beers and wines. Palate is the upscale culinary experience at KAABOO, where festival-goers can sample local and regional delicacies paired with limited production wines, specialty libations and craft beers. Guest chefs include richard Blais, claudia Sandoval and Shirley chung. Blais, a frequent judge on Bravo’s Top Chef and winner of the Top Chef All-Stars, is a partner at Juniper & ivy and crack Shack restaurants which will be expanding to four locations in the coming months. San diego native Sandoval, winner of Master Chef season 6, pushes the boundaries of mexican flavors and raises them to new culinary heights. chung, trained in french and italian cuisine, is a multi-season finalist on Top Chef and has opened restaurants for thomas Keller, Guy Savoy, mario Batali and Jose Andres. local restaurants represented at Palate include Puesto, Oceanaire, Poseidon del mar and StK. Puesto celebrates the vibrancy of mexico city’s cosmopolitan cuisine with handmade maíz azul stone-ground tortillas, sustainable meats and seafood, slow-cooked guisados, scratch salsas and carefully curated agave spirits. Oceanaire has been voted one of the best seafood restaurants in the nation and has 20

San Diego

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product flown in daily from around the world. Local favorite and coastal landmark Poseidon, is famous for serving incredibly fresh seafood and using locally sourced ingredients. STK is opening soon in the Gaslamp’s Andaz Hotel and masterfully blends the modern steak house with a chic lounge. Local spirits are highlighted, too. Revelers can imbibe with selections from Ballast Point, Saint Archer, Latitude 33 and San Agustin Vineyards. Ballast Point Brewing, established in 1996 and recently acquired by Constellation Brands to the tune of $1 billion, has a brewery, tasting room and restaurant in Little Italy. Saint Archer is located in Miramar and the 57,000 square foot production facility is dominated by towering grain silos. Vista’s Latitude 33 was featured by CraftX, a national beer-of-themonth club, with two varieties of their craft beer distributed to 38 states. San Agustin, cradled in the foothills of Mount Palomar, utilizes modern techniques and ancient secrets to create unique wines made from grapes grown on the property. One, two and three day passes are still available with discounts offered for students and military personnel. If you plan on going to the event, consider taking the train and avoid traffic and parking hassles. A shuttle from the Solana Beach train station will whisk you to the fairgrounds and back for a nominal fee. KAABOO promises to be an unforgettable experience for all your senses. Get ready to rock, hungry readers. You’ll be glad you did. ❖ Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego


social chaos



Finding joy in our lives

We kiss the joy as it flies by, in the form of a belly laugh, a beautiful flower, a delicious meal surrounded by loving people. All of it is somehow transformed in our eyes and we can see it all with joy, and we kiss it, and then we let it go, with gratitude.

it’s fun to stroll down memory lane, but not for long. Joy is not just found in the past, it’s also found in the present! And the truth is, as we all grow older our feelings and attitudes about what joy is, change over time. Joy comes and goes; it’s here one moment and gone the next. As we mature, we recognize that change is a part of life. Like waves breaking on the beach, change is a constant in life; it’s inevitable. Morning, by morning, it’s a constant discovery of different muscles and joints that before went unnoticed. And that’s just the physical changes. What about the changes that happen in our soul? We have an awareness of our mortality, that our days are numbered. so, the 22

San Diego

challenge facing us in the midst of constant change and pain is, to still see joy in our lives. Jesus said to his disciples, “You will have pain, but your pain will turn to joy!” Do you believe that? Do you think the disciples believed that? C.s. Lewis, the author of The Chronicles of Narnia, had a wonderful marriage, even with all of its ups and downs. he writes about when his wife was dying of cancer and of the immediate grief he started to experience. he said to his wife, “i don’t know how i can live without you. We have had so much fun, so much joy. And now i’m already feeling so filled with sorrow … i can’t stop grieving.” his wife said to him, “honey, you don’t get the joy without the sorrow. that’s the way it goes. it’s part of the deal.” henri nouwen says, “in every smile, there’s a tear, and in every embrace there’s a little bit of a feeling of loneliness.” there are many facets to joy, aren’t there. in the pursuit of finding joy in our lives, there’s still this fact of constant change throughout our lives. Understanding this, let’s think about three possible responses to this reality. First, we may want to cling to every joy that comes into our life. We hold on to it so tightly fearing it may be the last joy we’ll ever encounter. William blake said, “he who binds himself to joy, does the winged life destroy.” in other words, we can cling to joy, holding on and grasping it so tightly, that it dies right inside our hand. We may have such a sense of joy from the past, convinced that nothing in the present can measure up to the past, “Ah, the good ol’ days!” And, as we hold on to the past, we can lose the joy in the present. there’s no greater joy than experiencing joy in the moment, in the now. blake goes on to say, “the one who kisses the joy as it flies by, lives in eternity’s sunrise!” the second possible response to change is the opposite of clinging to joy; it’s not allowing ourselves to experience joy at all. We guard our heart from any and all joy. Life is not always easy. We have disappointment, we experience grief, and so, in order to protect ourselves from pain, we put up walls and shut ourselves down emotionally, leaving an ache in our heart. And given what some people go through in life, how can we blame them? some people try to fill that ache in their

❖ Sept. 14, 2017


As A progressive ChristiAn, i believe there are many names for god and many ways to a loving god; this article reflects one of those ways. take from here what works for you. Celebrate life with joy and peace! Joy! the delight of a sunset over the ocean, walking into an air conditioned building on a hot day, spending precious time with loved ones. All of these moments can bring us a deep sense of joy and gratitude. Can you remember some of your earliest memories when you experienced joy? saturday morning cartoons in my pajamas with a bowl of cereal or, even better, sugar and cinnamon toast! hearing the music of the ice cream truck coming down the street on a hot summer day! Chasing fireflies on a warm summer night under the Milky Way galaxy.

heart by abusing alcohol and drugs, looking to food or sex as a way of escape. there are so many ways we can retreat from ourselves emotionally. We might say, “if i don’t feel any joy, then i won’t feel any pain!” shutting ourselves down emotionally is not the best response. so, here’s a third possible response. Live fully in the moment. Live life to the fullest. embrace it all. And when it comes to joy, remember how the Gospel of John records how on easter morning, Mary Magdalene was outside the tomb weeping , and asked, who she thought was the gardener, where they had taken Jesus’ body and then Jesus calls her by name, “Mary!” oh, such incomparable joy! paul, even when life had him in chains and in prison, could say, “rejoice in the Lord always; and again, i say, rejoice!” Maybe it is possible, then, that we can kiss joy as it flies by. Why? because we are already living in an eternity sunrise! Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! We kiss the joy as it flies by, in the form of a belly laugh, a beautiful flower, a delicious meal surrounded by loving people. All of it is somehow transformed in our eyes and we can see it all with joy, and we kiss it, and then we let it go, with gratitude. i encourage you to live in the now, in joy. stay connected to the source of joy; let it grow and mature in you. Jesus said, “You will have pain, yes, but your pain will turn into joy and no one can take that away from you!” ❖ Rev. Dan Koeshall is the senior pastor at The Metropolitan Community Church (The Met), 2633 Denver St., San Diego. Services every Sunday at 9 and 11 a.m.

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Sept. 14, 2017 â?&#x2013; San Diego


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San Diego LGBT Weekly


WHERE TO FIND SAN DIEGO LGBT WEEKLY Published every other Thursday and distributed to more than 175 locations throughout San Diego County. For an interactive map of locations, visit

Bankers Hill


BARRIO STAR 2706 Fifth Ave.

(available Fridays)

THE CALIPH 3100 Fifth Ave.

4404 Bonita Rd., Bonita 2560 El Camino Real, Carlsbad 6951 El Camino Real, Carlsbad 2250 Otay Lakes Rd., Chula Vista 2606 Del Mar Heights Rd., Del Mar 950 N 2nd St., El Cajon 453 Santa Fe Dr., Encinitas 330 W El Norte Pkwy., Escondido

CITY LIQUOR 1801 Fifth Ave. INN AT THE PARK 3167 Fifth Ave. ROYAL MART 3401 First Ave. SANFILIPPO’S 2949 Fifth Ave. SIXTH AVENUE PHARMACY 2121 Fifth Ave., Ste. 110 S.R.O. LOUNGE 1807 Fifth Ave.

Barrio Logan PREVIEW EMPORIUM 3576 Main St.

Albertsons (available Fridays) 720 3rd Ave., Chula Vista 1608 Broadway, El Cajon 1509 E Valley Pkwy., Escondido 1133 S Mission Blvd., Fallbrook 8920 Fletcher Pkwy., La Mesa 7090 Broadway, San Diego

Bay Park



#1 FIFTH AVE. 3845 Fifth Ave.


ABOUT FACE 514 Pennsylvania Ave.

COPPER CANARY 2832 State St.

AHF PHARMACY 3940 Fourth Ave., Ste. 150

City Heights

BABYCAKES 3766 Fifth Ave.

GEMINI BOOKS 5265 University Ave.

Clairemont & Kearny Mesa MERCURY BOOKS 8081 Balboa Ave.

College Area JOLAR ADULT STOP 6321 University Ave. LIVING ROOM COFFEE HOUSE 5900 El Cajon Blvd. THE PRIDE CENTER 5500 Campanile Dr.


BAJA BETTY’S 1421 University Ave. BAMBOO LOUNGE 1475 University Ave. BEING ALIVE! 4070 Centre St. THE BRASS RAIL 3796 Fifth Ave.

7544 Girard Ave., La Jolla 8011 University Ave., La Mesa 5630 Lake Murray Blvd., San Diego 515 W. Washington St., San Diego 4145 30th St., San Diego 845 College Blvd., Oceanside 1702 Garnet Ave., Pacific Beach 13438 Poway Rd., Poway 3645 Midway Dr., San Diego 6155 El Cajon Blvd., San Diego

3610 Adams Ave., San Diego 6555 Mission Gorge Rd., San Diego 7788 Regents Rd., San Diego 8310 Mira Mesa Blvd., San Diego 11986 Bernardo Plaza Dr., San Diego 13255 Black Mountain Rd., San Diego 4627 Carmel Mountain Rd., San Diego 10016 Scripps Ranch Blvd., San Diego 9643 Mission Gorge Rd., Santee 940 S Santa Fe Ave., Vista

REDWING BAR & GRILL 4012 30th St. S & D PROPERTY MANAGEMENT 3128 El Cajon Blvd. SAN DIEGO EAGLE 3040 North Park Way SAN DIEGO PRIDE OFFICE 3620 30th St. SUNSHINE DENTISTRY 4230 30th St. U31 COCKTAIL LOUNGE 3112 University Ave.

3925 Mission Ave., Oceanside 4150 Oceanside Blvd., Oceanside 655 14th St., San Diego 12475 Rancho Bernardo Rd., San Diego 1929 W San Marcos Blvd., San Marcos 151 Woodland Pkwy., San Marcos 9831 Campo Rd., Spring Valley 543 Sweetwater Rd., Spring Valley 1301 E Vista Way, Vista MANKIND 1295 University Ave. ORTEGA’S MEXICAN BISTRO 141 University Ave. OSCAR WILDE’S IRISH PUB 1440 University Ave.

Ralphs (available Fridays) 7140 Avenida Encinas, Carlsbad 780 Otay Lakes Rd., Chula Vista 125 N El Camino Real, Encinitas 2417 E Valley Pkwy, Escondido 1080 University Ave., San Diego 8657 Villa La Jolla Dr., La Jolla 4251 Oceanside Blvd., Oceanside 4315 Mission Blvd., San Diego 6670 Montezuma Rd., San Diego 11875 Carmel Mountain Rd., San Diego 5680 Mission Center Rd., San Diego 3345 Sports Arena Blvd., San Diego 101 G St., San Diego 1666 Rosecrans St., San Diego

Mission Valley

POSTAL PLACE 2358 University Ave.

SAN DIEGO LGBT WEEKLY 4025 Camino Del Rio South, Ste. 321

RICH’S SAN DIEGO 1051 University Ave. SHELL GAS/CAR WASH 330 Washington St.

Ocean Beach OB BUSINESS CENTER 4876 Santa Monica Ave. OB PEOPLE’S FOOD STORE 4765 Voltaire St.


Pacific Beach

POSTAL ANNEX 1286 University Ave.

PRIDE PHARMACY 1270 University Ave.

URBAN BODY GYM/JUICE BAR 3148 University Ave.

DR. LOVES BOUTIQUE 1155 Garnet Ave.

STADIUM CAR WASH 10383 Friars Rd.

Point Loma & Middletown

National City

ADULT DEPOT 3487 Kurtz St.

LIVING ROOM 880 National City Blvd.


CASCADE SPA 3785 Sixth Ave., Ste. 100A

T-DELI 1469 University Ave.

Normal Heights & Kensington

HI-LITE BOOKS 3203 Hancock St.

THE CENTER 3909 Centre St.


ADAMS AVE. LIQUOR 2740 Adams Ave.

THE HOLE 2820 Lytton St.

CLUB SAN DIEGO 3955 Fourth Ave.


DOGGIE DAY CARE 3586 Adams Ave.



X-SPOT 9 3606 Midway Dr.

COMMUNITY PHARMACY 640 University Ave.


CVS PHARMACY 313 Washington St.


DELI LLAMA 3702 Fifth Ave.

COFFEE + ART 777 Sixth Ave., Ste. 105


PORTO VISTA HOTEL 1835 Columbia St.

FLICKS 1017 University Ave.


GOSSIP GRILL 1440 University Ave.


GSDBA OFFICE 3737 Fifth Ave., Ste. 205

STEPHANIE’S 1501 India St.


El Cajon

THE MERROW 1271 University Ave. UPTOWN CAR WASH 4157 Normal St. URBAN MO’S 308 University Ave. WELLS FARGO 1220 Cleveland Ave., Ste. M113 WINN’S BARBER SHOP 445 University Ave.

LESTATS 3343 Adams Ave.

South Park

North Park

BIG KITCHEN 3003 Grape St.

ARTQUEST FLOWERS 3046 North Park Way


BLVD. FITNESS 2110 El Cajon Blvd.

Spring Valley

CHICKEN PIE SHOP 2633 El Cajon Blvd.

FANTASYLAND 1157 Sweetwater Rd.

Lemon Grove


University Heights

VIDEO EXCHANGE 7656 Broadway

THE CRYPT 4094 30th St.

CAFÉ ON PARK 3831 Park Blvd.


Mira Mesa

FARMERS LIQUOR 2039 University Ave.

CHEERS BAR 1839 Adams Ave.

DEJA VU LOVE BOUTIQUE 1560 N. Magnolia Ave.

HILLCREST NEWS STAND 529 University Ave.


LIPS 3036 El Cajon Blvd.

LESTAT’S ON PARK 4496 Park Blvd.


HILLCREST PHARMACY 120 University Ave.

Mission Hills



DUCKY WADDLE’S EMPORIUM 414 N Coast Highway 101

LEAD THE WAY 3830 Park Blvd.

DEL MISSION LIQUOR 135 Washington St.

NORTH PARK PRODUCE 3351 El Cajon Blvd.


LOU’S RECORDS 434 N Coast Highway 101

LESTAT’S 1045 University Ave.



SUMMER LIQUOR & DELI 4602 Park Blvd.

PANNIKIN 510 N Coast Highway 101

THE LOFT 3610 Fifth Ave.


PECS BAR 2046 University Ave.



San Diego

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

For seniors and those who will be

social chaos


The Feud. Edification for you Washington’s tWeets and tWitters were unconnected to certain recent headlines. the tabloids have been transported into ecstasies of outrage and indignation over the Feud. Forget hamilton and Burr or Bette and Joan. today it’s youth idols taylor swift and Katy Perry. after checking their videos, for your benefit, i admit the multitude of hair styles, wild costumes and distracting gyrations of the male dancers have made it impossible for me to tell who’s who or what’s what. the magnitude of the increasingly fiery situation (since 2009!) impels me to attempt an explanation lest you be left out of your younger friends’ discussions.

“Commona my house” LgBt seniors (who understand the title reference) are often in search of the company of people free of the prejudices of the past. this is needed as many must start a new social life in unfamiliar surroundings plus the fact our friendship circle keeps shrinking. While san diego offers many established opportunities, you can also form your own convivial, weekly group. By “convivial” i exclude those engaging in serious harangues of gender issues or politics. i refer to no shouting, no tension, fun-filled meetings like the two i attend. You start with phone calls and perseverance until there are four to eight members. if more, there will be conflicting chatter as people comment mainly with nearby people they can hear. on recommendation, a friend may be invited and welcomed as a guest without men-

tioning membership. if the vibes are good, invite them again before bringing it up. Begin with gathering at your place or the building’s meeting room. From the start, provide only coffee lest more be regularly expected. the time period should be one and a half to two hours and convenient for you, the organizer. Let them accommodate your schedule. of course, consider ride-sharing and parking. World, local and personal news will not let the conversation lag. a set topic is possible, but invariably soon veers off; nobody cares, as long as the mood stays light-hearted and congenial. Unfortunately, some once fun topics are currently not so fun. Change the subject at the first sign of clenched fists or overly polite, tight smiles. the point is to pleasantly mingle with like-minded friends. after a few sessions, things will smooth out. give it a try. ❖

X-SPOT 9 3606 Midway Dr. San Diego, CA (619) 226-3235

Katy Perry and Taylor Swift

after scrolling through reams of rumors, insults, denials and denials of denials, i found the snowballing issues varied and obtuse. space restricts me to only one current example with some quotation marks for accuracy. it seems taylor, by coincidence, is releasing a new album and the cover will be on the side of several UPs trucks. one part of the brouhaha concerns a video of “a revenge-themed clapback song” (?) called “Reputation” in which she packed a note in a UPs gift box and (hang on to your hats) “was making eyes directly at the camera.” What more need be said? as for Katy, she posted a clip of herself dancing to Kanye West’s song rapping about swift. the lyrics, no doubt you recall, caused the drama between West, swift, Kanye and Kim Kardashian! (Whaaat?). “West claimed swift approved of him calling her a bitch.” Who? taylor, Kim, Katy? and who is tyler Perry? stop. i’ve got a headache. Just throw in these names. the youngsters will take over and you’ll get points for being “cool.”

MERCURY BOOKS 7435 Clairemont Mesa Blvd. San Diego, CA (858) 569-8772

MERCURY BOOKS 8081 Balboa Ave. San Diego, CA (858) 268-4274

VIDEO EXCHANGE 7656 Broadway Lemon Grove, CA (619) 698-0992



1157 Sweetwater Rd. Spring Valley, CA (619) 463-3223

Books • Magazines • Lube • Toys • Videos • Video Booths Sept. 14, 2017 ❖ San Diego




Kearny Mesa: A new plan for an old area The old model for ciTy planning called for separated zones for residential, commercial and industrial areas. The idea was that people would live in quiet, leafy residential areas and commute to work, avoiding the noise and pollution of commercial and industrial districts. This seemed like a good idea at the time but no more. Today, the new idea is to eliminate commuter hours by creating communities that incorporate residential spaces with work facilities, thereby making for a better quality of life, and more time for family activities and leisure. finding suitable areas for mixed use development is a goal of many cities, and san diego is no exception. The great shortage of affordable housing is a propelling force and the city is on a hunt to rezone and plan for new communities that could potentially meet the need. enter Kearny mesa. an industrial area located in the eastern part of san diego, Kearny is a flat area of land encompassing some 4,400 acres. it is bounded by state road 52 to the north, interstate 805 to the west, aero drive to the south and interstate 15 to the east. it is currently an industrial area and home to many aerospace, electronics and other industrial and commercial enterprises; this began with the advent of general dynamics in the 1950s. it is noted that of the approx. 93,000 people commuting into Kearny for work, less than 3,000 actually live there. This is due to the current

zoning as only 41 acres are zoned for residential and another 60 for mixed use, limiting potential development. The city is entertaining a major rezoning for Kearny and the community hearing process has begun. studies regarding environmental impact and traffic considerations will be completed in 2019. it is expected that the newly revised plan will dramatically increase the number of acres allowed for housing and mixed use development and engender the resurgence of the area. This type of planning envisions the additional development of public facilities, like parks, as well as public transportation components. a new trolley line along claremont mesa that will access Kearny is on the long-term planning agenda – some 20 years hence. But the future looks bright for Kearny mesa, which in the years ahead may be transformed into the kind of mixed use community millennials and senior citizens alike seem to favor. one Kaiser Permanente Facility in Kearney Mesa sign that transformation of this blighted area is on the horizon is the opening of the Kaiser permanente – san diego medical center in Kearny mesa. The seven-story, 617,000 square foot, $850 million facility opened last april. The hospital has created 1,000 jobs, not to mention it employed over 900+ construction jobs. This important addition to Kearny mesa is a sure sign that the area’s future looks bright, and is in only the very early stages of a total revamp. mid-century 21st century will look a whole lot different than today, though with a bit of a revisiting of times past, when work, school, home, shopping and recreation happened in “the neighborhood.” it was a good idea then, and an even a better one come the future. We’re getting smarter, for sure. ❖ Del Phillips is a California Licensed Real Estate agent. He is a member of the National, California and San Diego Association of Realtors. You can reach Del at Ascent Real Estate at 619-298-6666 or at DRE LIC #01267333.


San Diego

❖ Sept. 14, 2017

LGBT Weekly  
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