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Volume 7 Issue 9 April 29 - May 12, 2016 Page 9 Follow us on Facebook and Twitter

Roses for equality


The local NOW chapter turns 50 By Margie M. Palmer

What's the buzz in Hillcrest?


Salazar stands next to a portrait of his father, Ramiro, at his "Prison Art: Exonerated" exhibition. (Courtesy Alexander Salazar)

Alex: Exonerated Becoming foster parents


Local art dealer heals his past through unusual exhibition Morgan M. Hurley | Editor

An art show that opened Downtown April 17 made national headlines due to its content. Called “Prison Art: Exonerated,” it consisted of art works by convicts who produced the works during their incarceration. Local gallery owner and art dealer Alexander Salazar didn’t come up with the unique idea through something he read in a magazine or saw on television; it

came from personal experience and a past that many who know him well never knew about. At 17, just a week before he was to leave home for college, Salazar’s father was shot in the head when he intervened with two men trying to hijack his mother’s car. The shooting, which Salazar witnessed, changed his life and impacted the lives of every member of his family. Now in his 40s, he said he was recently wondering what happened to the men who caused his family such pain and it led, like most of his ideas, to art. He

see Salazar, pg 15

Elected officials, business owners and tomorrow’s leaders will soon gather to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the National Organization for Women (NOW); the May 14 event will commemorate five decades of feminist grassroots activism. The original chapter was founded in 1966 in New York, noted Melanie Peters, current San Diego Area Chapter of NOW (SD NOW) vice president, who added that the original local parent chapter was not founded until 1970. A recent press release stated that original SD NOW founders Lillian Poltere, Eleanor Bevege and Helen and Bill Hawkins were quick to take on male-dominated politics, media, workplaces and even medical establishments. It also said that these San Diego mothers, daughters, sisters and wives — and one man — pioneered the way you now see job descriptions in our local newspapers, how politicians speak and how judges act in court.

see SD NOW, pg 8

Voices of change Lots of underwear and swear-


Award-winning, LGBT-friendly band heads to San Diego By David Dixon

Unbreakable interview

Index Community ...............….5 Opinion ....…...…........…6 Dining ..................12 Calendar................18

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A capella fans, rejoice! Two-time Grammy Awardwinning music group, Pentatonix (PTX), will be visiting San Diego State University’s CalCoast Credit Union Open Air Theatre May 3. Three singers, Scott Hoying, Kirstin Maldonado and Mitch Grassi, are the lead harmonizers and adding to the band’s ear candy are Avriel “Avi” Kaplan on vocal bass and beat-boxer, Kevin “K.O.” Olusola. The five members of PTX originally formed for the third season of NBC’s a cappella singing competition, “The Sing-Off,” hosted by Nick Lachey, where

they wowed viewers with covers of songs from Katy Perry, Marvin Gaye and Usher. Since winning that 2011 competition, they have released several hit albums with Sony Music, opened for Kelly Clarkson in 2015, made a cameo appearance in the feature length film, “Pitch Perfect 2,” and have amassed 10 million subscribers on their YouTube channel. Their upcoming stop in America’s Finest City is part of the group’s 2016 world tour. From now until August, they will be traveling to different parts of the globe, including Europe and Asia. Grassi, the vocal group’s tenor

see Pentatonix, pg 20

Pentatonix rose to fame on NBC's "The Sing Off". (Courtesy JUCCO)


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


Oscar Melero (second full row, far left) was much beloved by these coworkers shown in front of Indigo Salon and Spa and just as popular with clients; (below) Melero with coworkers (Photos courtesy Indigo Salon)

Justice in Melero case Killer of popular hairstylist is finally sentenced By Neal Putnam Ryan Rhodes has learned a lot about forgiveness in the year since his partner Oscar Melero was killed by a drunk driver. “The most important thing is to forgive,” Rhodes told Gay San Diego recently outside the courtroom where the sentencing took place. “Oscar would be the first one to forgive.” Rhodes said he could do nothing less than forgive Abraham Granados Beltran, 25, who was sentenced April 20 to 14 years in state prison. Rhodes and Melero were living together in National City when Melero, 52, was killed Feb. 15, 2015, after Beltran’s vehicle slammed into the back of his stopped BMW on Interstate 5. Melero was waiting to exit the freeway at Via de la Valle, on his way to participate in the California 10/20 run near Del Mar. San Diego Superior Court Judge Charles Rogers opened the sentencing hearing by saying, “I am profoundly sorry we are here

today. … Mr. Melero was possessed with an innate goodness. I’m sorry he’s gone.” The kind words that people said in court about Melero also appeared to impact Rogers. “I almost never see the kind of grace and forgiveness as shown by Mr. Melero’s supporters and family,” the judge said. “The world is a lesser place since his passing,” Rogers continued. “He strikes me as an exceptionally bright light. What a terrible loss. If I could switch places [between] Mr. Melero and Mr. Beltran, with all due respect to Mr. Beltran, I would do it in a heartbeat.” To avoid a trial, Beltran pleaded guilty to gross vehicular manslaughter while intoxicated, and to driving under the influence with injury to three other people in the collision. He received consecutive terms for causing the injuries to the three others, which added to a total of 14 years. Beltran struck Melero’s car while traveling approximately 75 mph, at 7 a.m., after a night of partying and no sleep, Deputy Dis-

trict Attorney Cally Bright said. Rogers said he agreed with Rhodes’ comment during sentencing that it was not a traffic accident because Beltran chose to drink alcohol to excess. He ordered Beltran, of San Juan Capistrano, to pay $13,400 in restitution for funeral expenses and gave him credit for 488 days already spent in jail. Rogers also fined Beltran $720, but ordered the restitution be paid first. Beltran apologized for his actions. His attorney, Alma Cruz,

see Melero, pg 15


Artist rendering of the future salon's entrance, which is completely different than the restaurants formerly housed there. (Courtesy The Hive @ Hillcrest)

The Hive @ Hillcrest

to open this summer at prime spot Ken Williams | Contributing Editor George Flint has a delightful sense of humor. Just check out his LinkedIn profile, where he describes himself as a “real estate and serial entrepreneur.” Now that’s a killer promotional line! In real life, Flint is more Clark Kent than Superman, wearing eyeglasses and sandals, and carrying himself like the Gen-X’er that he is. The 36-year-old Encinitas resident showed San Diego Community News Network around the gutted building that formerly housed Harvey Milk’s American Diner, and the iconic City Deli before that. It will now house his latest business venture with his Orange County business partner Luke Bustami: an “urban beauty and wellness experience” dubbed The Hive @ Hillcrest, located at one of the neighborhood’s most visible spots, at the southwest corner of Sixth and University avenues. “This is such a great location,” Flint said. “We’re bringing to Hillcrest a one-stop health, beauty and wellness experience that we think people desperately want.” Flint obtained his city permits, which allows him to bring in a beehive of workers to convert the building into 30 private suites where customers could get their hair done, threading, waxing, tanning, facials and massages. Estheticians and possibly even chiropractors could set up shop there, he said. But The Hive won’t be offering any space for a nail salon, since property owner Morgan Gilman already has such a tenant just down the street. Flint said he was fine with the stipulation, but told Gilman that in return he didn’t want any competition for the services he would offer. If all goes as planned, The Hive will open in late July, he said. Featuring sound-insulated walls and locking doors, the studios will range in size from 87 to 153 square feet, and weekly

rents will be from $231 to $485. Prime-location studios will have windows overlooking either University or Sixth, and tenants will pay the higher rents for those spots. Tenants will operate on a lease that is renewable month to month and either party can give

for eight years. Flint said he signed a five-year lease with Gilman with a fiveyear option. Asked about all the buzz surrounding the long-vacant Pernicano property next door possibly being redeveloped, and talk that the Gilman property could

The new owner promises to bring back the vibrantly colored fruit at the top of the facade (Photo by Ken Williams) a 30-day notice to end that lease, Flint said. “Our goal, our philosophy is to help beauty and wellness providers, who are typically independent contractors, to be able to be their own bosses and run their own businesses,” he said. “This will empower them. They can be true entrepreneurs, and they can set their own hours and prices. This is a turn-key business,” Flint added. “We believe the rents are low enough that they can make their [monthly] rent in eight to 10 days.” Flint is senior managing director of BNF Real Estate Group in San Diego, a co-founder and broker with Visionary Property Management, and co-founder of Impact Reduction Apparel, according to his LinkedIn profile. A 2004 graduate of San Diego State University with a bachelor’s degree, Flint got his MSBA in finance in 2009, also from SDSU. He started his first business, Visionary Paint Services, while still in college and ran the company

possibly be included in some of the grand schemes being pitched to the community, Flint said he wasn’t concerned about that. He said he would be willing to negotiate with any future developer about providing spa services to a hotel, should that be the case. Regardless, Flint is convinced that Hillcrest residents will support The Hive. “We believe a supermajority of our clients will walk or bike here,” he said, describing his demographic as more female than male, ages 20s through 50s. Flint said The Hive will have a grand opening in late July. “We want the whole community to come out and check us out,” he said. Meanwhile, The Hive is taking applications for those interested in renting a suite. Call 619-9885876 or visit thehiveathillcrest. com for more information. —Ken Williams is editor of Uptown News and Mission Valley News and can be reached at ken@

GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016




GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016

Building bridges of love Urging same-sex couples to consider foster parenting By Jennifer Coburn When the day came for Martha and Lisa Schattman to reunify their first foster child with his biological mother, they thought it would be more dramatic. “I was expecting this Hollywood moment,” said Martha with a laugh. The baby boy was five months old and had lived with the couple for most of his life. “I lifted him over my head ‘Lion King’-style and I expected our eyes to meet, but he saw his mother and only had eyes for her,” she continued. “I realized that the fact he had bonded with us and still maintained a very strong connection with his mother meant we had done our job well.” Knowing this relieved some of the pain of saying goodbye for Martha and Lisa. It also reminded them that in the real world, helping people is often quiet, unglamorous work that happens without an audience. With the foster care of little ones, there are diaper changes, bedtime stories and kissing knee scrapes. And, as Martha recalled, endless rides on the carousel at the Wild Animal Park.

The Schattmans are now caring for a toddler girl, their third placement through Angels Foster Family Network, a nonprofit that works closely with the San Diego County Department of Child Welfare. Martha said that she and her wife decided to foster because they both have a strong desire to be parents, but neither wanted to bear children. They are also deeply committed to community service and social justice and liked the handson approach of fostering. “I can’t fix poverty, I can’t fix substance abuse, but I can hold a baby,” Martha said. In many ways, foster families have a broader impact than they might think, said Jeff Wiemann, executive director of Angels Foster Family Network, located at 9295 Farnham St., in Clairemont Mesa. “Research consistently tells us that when young children are raised in stable, loving homes, their brains become wired for attachment and the ability to connect with people makes a tremendous difference in their lives and future success both socially and economically,” Weimann said. “Children who have healthy attachments are far more likely to graduate high school and positively contribute to the community. They’re also less likely to engage in high-risk behavior like substance abuse and gang involvement, and that helps everyone in the community.” “We are building a dam where

Martha and Lisa Schattman look adoringly at their baby niece. Their love of children drove the couple to become foster parents. (Photo by Jason Schattman) there otherwise might be a flood,” Martha added. The Schattmans are unusual, though. Most people don’t consider fostering and that has led to a crisis-level shortage of qualified foster parents in San Diego County. Wiemann said the unfortunate reality is that their nonprofit organization can only accommodate one of every three requests for placement they receive. He believes part of the solution is greater education about the rewards and challenges of fostering. “Fostering is not right for everyone, but if we can reach more people with the facts about being a foster family, many more would realize that they could make a difference in a child’s life,” he said. As a same-sex couple, the Schattmans have been pleasantly surprised that they have not expe-

rienced any discrimination from biological families. “When you think about it, most biological parents are under 40 and to that generation, for the most part, it is far less of a problem,” Martha said, adding that one biological mother came to their defense when a friend questioned the wisdom of placing a child with a lesbian couple. “She told her friend to worry about her own life.” Some families in the Angels Foster Family Network have biological children at home, while others are childless couples or empty nesters. Some foster parents are even single. “There are health and safety requirements people must meet before they bring a young child into their lives, but Angels is looking for kind and loving people who

reflect the diversity of our community,” Wiemann said. A former foster parent himself, Weimann is passionate about raising awareness about fostering. Currently, there are 3,500 children in the San Diego County foster care system, 1,400 of whom are younger than 5 years old. May is National Foster Care Month and the Schattmans have joined Angels’ National Foster Care Month campaign, which aims to close the gap between young children in San Diego who need loving homes and the qualified people who can provide them. Martha wishes more people, including same-sex couples, would consider fostering. “Most people were so supportive of us, but said they could never do it because they were afraid they would get too attached,” she said. “I understand their concerns because it is painful, but it’s not the feeling that something is wrong. Of course you miss them, but you also have the satisfaction of knowing that you stepped in and helped keep a family together.” Founded in 1998, the Angels Foster Network not only recruits and trains those who qualify, they will guide and support the new foster parents throughout the process as they provide a loving and caring home for one of San Diego’s abused or neglected children. Reuniting a foster child with a family member, if at all possible, is always the organization’s goal. Those interested in learning more about foster parenting may attend a monthly orientation class offered by the network. Foster parent candidates must be in good mental and physical health, at least 21 years old, be able to provide financially for the child, be a safe and reliable driver with adequate transportation, and clear a series of background checks. In addition, on May 20 at 6 p.m., Angels Foster Family Network will present “Fostering Futures: An Evening with Angels,” which includes dinner, dancing and fundraising, at the Omni La Costa Resort and Spa, located at 2100 Costa del Mar, Carlsbad. To learn more about becoming a foster family, helping to foster children, or for tickets to the organization’s fundraiser, visit —Editor Morgan M. Hurley contributed to this report. —Jennifer Coburn is a local freelance writer, best-selling author and an award-winning journalist. Reach her at


Time for a social media ‘vacay’? Life Beyond

Therapy Michael Kimmel First it was my 19-year-old goddaughter. Then my 30-year-old niece. Now it’s my 45-year-old male client. What do these people have in common? They have each decided it’s time for a vacation from social media (or “vacay,” as my goddaughter calls it). Then last week, I went to a student performance at San Diego State and I overheard the young woman sitting next to me tell her friend, “I used to use Facebook for updates on my friends, Instagram to let me know what they ate and Snapchat to know what everyone’s weekend was like. I’m so over that. I want a social media ‘vacay.’” Have you ever thought about taking a break from social media? There are millions of people who habitually update their Facebook status, check-in with friends on Twitter or post photos on Instagram. I admit, social media can be fun, but if you find that your social media habits are impinging on your time at work, school or with family, it might be time for a break. Although we all seem so into Facebook and Twitter, we often come away from it feeling annoyed. How many times can you read about other people’s workouts, meals or relationship drama?

Quite a few research studies have concluded that social media is bad for your self-esteem. You probably have friends with annoying status updates and others who can’t stop bragging about themselves. If you’re constantly reading about the fabulous lives of your friends, it can make you feel inadequate. Remember that people only put the best version of themselves online. I call this “the Fake Facebook Life.” It’s easy to over-share online because “everyone’s doing it,” but the more you share with others online, the more you’re putting yourself at risk. Once something is online, it can be stuck there forever. Don’t let a Twitter rant or silly Facebook photo mess up your personal or professional life. Do you personally know all of your Facebook friends? Does the constant stream of status updates and photos from your friends make you feel closer to them than you really are? Why not connect with friends through a phone call or time spent in person instead of relying on Twitter’s 140-character updates and statements? How many times have you made plans with friends or family, only to spend the majority of your time looking at your phone? I encourage you to cultivate and take time out for the real — not virtual — people in your life. Remember: When the shit hits the

fan, who do you call for help? Your real friends and family. As a psychotherapist, I have seen many relationships get messed up because of social media statements that were misunderstood. It’s awfully easy for Twitter wars and Facebook drama to unfold when people say things online that they would never say or do in real life. Ready for a social media vacation? Consider these first steps: Stay off social media during meals and when you’re in bed. Before you post a status update or a photo, question your motivation: Are you trying to prove that you’re having a good time? Disable all alerts and delete addicting apps.

You might try it for a day or a weekend and see how it goes. Don’t panic folks! We’re talking vacation here, not forever. I interviewed a few clients, friends and colleagues about how they feel about social media. Here’s a sample of what I got: “Social media has changed me for the worse. I keep saying I will restrict my time online but before I can even finish, I find myself obsessing over Instagram and retweeting endlessly.“ “So much of my time is devoted to social media, my phone’s in my hand almost all the time.” “It’s hard to resist the temptation to go online. ‘Five more minutes,’ I tell myself. But, an hour

GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


later, I’m tweeting song lyrics.” “There are so many things I could be doing instead, like reading books I’ve bought but haven’t started and developing my friendships with real people.” And this is the most inspiring quote I’ve heard about taking a vacation from social media: “I tried it: it feels like rest.” —Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit



GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016

Letters Cheers for Cori [Ref: “A city in flux,” Vol. 7, Issue 8 or at] Cori [Schumacher]’s stands on social justice and fairness were already known to those who have had the fortune to work with her. However, with the Carlsbad initiative, Cori has definitely displayed all her potential. With kindness, but the determination of someone that does not quit, she helped make the unthinkable a reality. This is not just about the defeat of Measure A; Cori has given hope back to the people and taught us how unity, honesty, transparency and determination can overcome private interests and big money. On a more personal level, I can’t think of a better candidate to represent the interests of the citizens of Carlsbad and North County. Cori will always be a friend of the community and a great supporter of the work we do here at the North County LGBTQ Center. —Max Disposti, via email Excellent article. Accurately reflects Cori’s love of Carlsbad. Looking forward to campaigning for “Cori for Council.” We need her kind of leadership in Carlsbad. —Cassandra Tompkins, via Cori brings so much to our table in Carlsbad. Forward thinking, problem solving, inclusiveness … all describe what I see in Cori and what we need for Carlsbad. We are so fortunate that Cori is running for City Council! Getting to know her through Measure A, I am proud to call Cori a friend! —Hope Nelson, via

Guest Editorial

Build the AIDS Memorial in Hillcrest By Benjamin Nicholls Recently it was announced that a task force was set up to fundraise and find a home for a permanent AIDS memorial in San Diego. The San Diego AIDS Memorial Taskforce is chaired by San Diego’s First Lady Katherine Stewart-Faulconer and “Mayor of Hillcrest” Nicole MurrayRamirez. What a noble and fitting opportunity for San Diego and Hillcrest. There have been a number of proposals as to where to locate the memorial, but I believe I speak on behalf of the residents and businesses of Hillcrest when I propose that the permanent AIDS memorial be located in Hillcrest at the intersection of Normal and Harvey Milk streets. Over the recent decades, Normal Street has become an important gathering place for the LGBT community. Beginning as a throughway for the streetcar, Normal Street is now a wide boulevard that is home to a variety of LGBT historical and current events. Once home to the LGBT Community Center, this place is the staging area for the annual Pride Parade and many other commuEDITOR Morgan M. Hurley (619) 961-1960 CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Ken Williams, x102 Jeff Clemetson, x119 CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Chris Azzopardi Charlene Baldridge Jennifer Coburn David Dixon Michael Kimmel Kurt Niece Margie M. Palmer Neal Putnam Frank Sabatini Jr. WEB & SOCIAL MEDIA Jen Van Tieghem, x118 COPY EDITOR Dustin Lothspeich

nity events that raise money for LGBT causes, such as Nightmare on Normal Street, the Pride Block Party and AIDS Walk. Normal Street is also home to many existing landmarks, such as Harvey Milk Street, the Hillcrest Pride flagpole, and the Hillcrest Pride Historical Monument. This monument tells the story of the LGBT community in Hillcrest in a series of four interpretive panels, one of which focuses on the horror of the AIDS crisis and the unity that eventually came from it. This plaza around the flagpole was originally conceived as a place to view the monument. It has since become an informal gathering place for the community. In fact, as I write this, the community is gathering at the flagpole to raise the Transgender Flag for the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Other gatherings there include remembrances for Matthew Shepard and John Wear, Leather Pride celebrations and who could forget that massive rally on the Day of Decision, when the Supreme Court approved marriage equality throughout the United States? We’ve chosen this place again and again to celebrate how far the LGBT community has come since EDITORIAL INTERNS Joseph Ciolino Tori Hahn ART DIRECTOR Todd Kammer SALES & MARKETING DIRECTOR Mike Rosensteel (619) 961-1958 ADVERTISING CONSULTANTS Andrew Arias, x113 Andrew Bagley, x106 Sloan Gomez, x104 Lisa Hamel, x107 Kat Haney, x105 True Flores, (619) 454-0155

the AIDS crisis. The Hillcrest Business Association is currently working with a team of urban planners and designers to create a pedestrian promenade at Normal Street by closing the northwest lanes to cars. This promenade will add pedestrian walkways, gathering spaces, bicycle lanes, parking and will greatly expand “Pride Plaza” to accommodate the larger gatherings that occur around the flagpole. This public space would be the perfect home for this memorial. Though AIDS was a national crisis, it was uniquely personal for many people who found shelter, fellowship and love in the neighborhood of Hillcrest. Many of the LGBT organizations that we know today were formed in Hillcrest during that era. Hosting the AIDS memorial in Hillcrest will remind people that during those dark times, Hillcrest was the place where the community found a safe place to mourn, the comfort of fraternity, and eventually hope for the future that we live in today. —Benjamin Nicholls is the executive director of the Hillcrest Business Association. Reach him at ACCOUNTING Priscilla Umel-Martinez (619) 961-1962 WEB DESIGN Kim Espinoza

DISTRIBUTION Gay San Diego is distributed free every other Friday of the month. COPYRIGHT 2016. All rights reserved. PUBLISHER David Mannis (619) 961-1951

Cori will bring a breath of fresh air to the leadership in Carlsbad. I think the current leadership and others just like them have been in power for so long that they have forgotten that they serve at the will of the people and for the people; the people are not there to serve them. Their open disdain of citizens who have spoken at City Council meetings and their unprofessional behavior while citizens are speaking (eye-rolling, talking to each other, texting on cell phones, laughing when it is inappropriate) demonstrates how little they are concerned about the people who live in Carlsbad and pay the taxes that allow them to function. On the other hand, Cori has already begun to seek out citizen input on issues relevant to our daily lives. She has done thorough research on recent zoning changes and other modifications to the city’s general plan that the City Council tried to sneak by the citizens last September while many people were out collecting signatures to undo their August move to deprive the citizens of their vote on Measure A. She is educating the people of Carlsbad about what could happen to their city should the current pro-development City Council be allowed to continue unchecked. —Jan Neff-Sinclair, via It’s Cori’s time. We need her more than I realized. Measure A has woken Carlsbad up and tens of thousands of us indeed are marching along side her. She’ll be a fantastic council member. The tide is changing and it can’t happen soon enough. —Tanya Brooking, via Intelligent young blood … out with the old … IN with next generation … they will carry on … Go Cori, Go! Peace. —Kim Trujillo, via

Aging well [Ref: “Back Out With Benny: It’s OK to age,” Vol. 7, Issue 7, or at] What a wonderful column! I think you are very wise for your years. As a very happy gay man of 62, I am pleased to tell you that it gets even better at 40, 50, 60! Really, it does … Keep up the good work! —Michael Kimmel, via v

OPINIONS/LETTERS: Gay San Diego encourages letters to the editor and guest editorials. Please email either to and include your phone number and address for verification. We reserve the right to edit letters for brevity and accuracy. Letters and guest editorials do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher or staff.

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Guest Editorial

Get out and vote Why the District 3 City Council seat, and the primary, are important [Editor’s Note: We welcome guest editorials in support of presidential or local candidates, but our decision to publish them does not imply endorsement. Send all opinion pieces to morgan@ Direct responses to published editorials will be run as letters to the editor.] By William E. Kelly The June 7 California primary is fast approaching. City of San Diego candidates are competing to get on the November general election ballot where the votes for the next mayor, district attorney and five of the nine City Council seats will be decided. As a longtime resident of District 3, I am particularly focused on Chris Ward and Anthony Bernal. Both seek to represent me and District 3. If either candidate gets more than 50 percent of the vote in the primary, their name will be on the general election ballot in November and the other will not. So, those voters who sit out the June 7 primary election thinking only the November general election counts may well unintentionally disqualify their candidate from even getting on the November ballot. Chris Ward and Anthony Bernal, each have their own personality and charm, and each make great contributions to the wealth of diversity, knowledge and talent that San Diego has


Corrections been built upon — and must be able to depend upon — to move forward. Both candidates have experience working in government, are good family men and progressive Democrats. I have heard, and know of, nothing negative about either Chris nor Anthony. But voters in the District 3 neighborhoods of Balboa Park, Bankers Hill/ Park West, Downtown, Golden Hill, Hillcrest, Little Italy, Mission Hills, Normal Heights, North Park, Old Town, South Park and University Heights will be voting for the person who will represent them when conducting the business of the city as a whole and dealing with some very serious deficiencies, needs and concerns in their district. The person we elect to serve the best interests of District 3 must be prepared to also negotiate the sometimes more specific interests of the residents of each of the other eight districts and the city as a whole. Indeed, the depth and complexities of the priorities that face San Diego’s next administration and City Council will need to be agreed upon and the source of funding that will be required necessitates unbiased political cooperation and a willingness and ability to negotiate nonpartisan solutions. Our council representatives will face incredible pressures that I believe require the strengths that embody Chris Ward. Having worked with Chris on nonprofit community organization boards and committees, I have found his commitment, energy and ability to consistently serve the mutual benefit of all parties on all sides of the issues most admirable. I find his objective and realistic thinking best serves the interests of the entire city and not just segments of it. It is his passion, compassion, leadership skills and cando and will-do work ethic that I


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find most superior. I think of District 3 as the core of San Diego; home to the Downtown, the ocean front, the Port of San Diego and the jewel of her crown, Balboa Park, with its museums and world famous San Diego City Zoo. It is absolutely critical that we elect someone who not only represents District 3 and serves both the city and the district political needs and interests, but also has a proven track record at the state and county levels and is well versed in the urban renewal process in which Chris has been formally educated and has demonstrated abilities in. Finally, if we are to truly deserve, earn and keep the title of America’s Finest City, we must act more responsibly and soon. We need to put people into office who understand the complexities of urban renewal, how to set priorities and where to find the funding required. That is a broad-based and complicated process that I feel few are as prepared for as is Chris Ward. In the end, I must cast my vote for Chris Ward to take District 3 forward; however each of my friends and fellow San Diegans must cast their primary votes using their own best judgment for their district and the city as a whole. But please do not think for a second that your vote in the primary doesn’t matter. —William E. Kelly is an LGBT senior advocate and activist in San Diego. Reach him at

In our cover story in the last issue, “A city in flux,” Vol. 7, Issue 8 (or it can be found at, we stated that Cori Schumacher had “spearheaded” the referendum signature gathering effort that forced the Carlsbad City Council to put what would become “Measure A” up for a vote. After the article went to press, Schumacher reached out to clarify her role. “I need to make one very important correction,” she wrote. “I did not spearhead the signature gathering effort. That was Diane Nygaard and Deann Weimer of the Citizens of North County.” She allowed us to correct the wording online to say she “helped drive a [signature gathering] campaign launched by the Citizens of North County.” We regret the error. In our restaurant review in the same issue, “Food and architecture unite on Park Boulevard,” we misspelled the name of one of the co-owners of Madison, the new restaurant that recently replaced Lei Lounge in University Heights. The “industry veteran” our food writer referred to, who is also the owner of Downtown’s Fluxx Nightclub and M-Theory Music in Mission Hills, is Jeffery Fink. We regret the error.v



GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


SD NOW The local chapter’s most famed past president was local feminist and LGBT activist Gloria Johnson, who led the SD NOW from 1982 to 1983 and again from 1985 to 1988. Current SD NOW President Kim Sontag-Mulder said that although Johnson stepped down from a leadership role in the late 1980s, she remained actively involved with the organization until the time of her death in 2013. Sontag-Mulder described Johnson as “unflappable.” “She was a staunch believer in equality and under her leadership, she was able to make people feel at ease, which allowed her to push [the feminist] agenda,” she said. “She was also the first person to assist in bringing the Pride Parade on board with NOW and have the feminist presence brought into that fold.” The founding chapter “basically teetered out” when Johnson passed away, Sontag-Mulder said. San Diego feminist and LGBT journalist Tryce Czyczynska, who has never been affiliated with SD NOW but was a longtime collaborator and friend of Johnson’s, said she was also aware that the local chapter fell silent after Gloria’s passing. “The word on the feminist

Board members and other current and potential members of the San Diego Area NOW at a recent "Roe v. Wade" event; (inset) a diversity logo from their website (Courtesy SD NOW) street is that Gloria Johnson was the glue that held the SD NOW chapter together,” she said. “[I’ve heard] that some new blood stepped in to be sure her legacy within the club would carry on.” It was Sontag-Mulder who soon took over the helm in 2014, working with California NOW, the parent chapter of San Diego, to assist the organization in establishing a brand new chapter as a means of obtaining 501(c)(2) nonprofit status. “I felt it was important that

this chapter continued to exist and I wanted to do what needed to be done to get it back to that point,” she said. A new era Then in January of 2015, SD NOW put a new five-member board in place, based on unanimous votes from members in good standing. The new board includes president, Sontag-Mulder; vice president, Melanie Peters; secretary, Stacy Plotkin; treasurer, Anitra Kay; and two members at large, Andrea Mulder and Jo Blas. Since

that time, SD NOW has been reenergized under Sontag-Mulder’s leadership. In addition to a new website and active social media networks, SD NOW remains one of the largest chapters in the U.S. “We’ve been moving [the organization] forward since that time and … we’re having our first fundraiser in over 10 years,” Sontag-Mulder said. All declared feminists — including men, women and transgender women — are welcome to the May 14 event, whether

they are current, prospective or non-members, organizer said, and they are expecting 75 to 100 attendees. Sontag-Mulder said all monies raised will be used to help forward the fight for equal rights for women and girls. The organization’s website identifies their purpose as, “to take action through intersectional grassroots activism to promote feminist ideals, lead societal change, eliminate discrimination, and achieve and protect the equal rights of all women and girls.” Transgender women’s equality is also a new platform of the local chapter. “We want to make sure our presence is known and that we’re not backing down on our rights, including those we currently have,” Sontag-Mulder said. “We’ll continue to push toward a woman’s right to choose and injustices where women don’t have access to Planned Parenthood to obtain checkups, screenings and birth control. “We will also continue to work to have equal rights amendments, which provide for equal pay, time off work and [to make sure that] all other rights that men have are available to all women in all sectors of our society,” she said. The May 14 fundraiser, themed “Wine and Roses: A celebration — 50 years of NOW,” will take place between 3 – 5 p.m. in the Deborah Hoffman Room of The San Diego Foundation, located at 2508 Historic Decatur Road, #200, at Liberty Station. Sponsors of the event — which will feature hosted hors d’oeuvres and wine, a tribute to past chapter presidents, a performance by the San Diego Women’s Chorus and a NOW executive board wine collection raffle — include Planned Parenthood, the Paisley Wellness Center and the San Diego Human Dignity Foundation. The evening’s keynote will be State Assembly Speaker Emeritus Toni G. Atkins. Early bird tickets are now sold out, but general admission tickets are still available for $23.50 (plus a service fee) and available through the organization’s website, or $30 at the door. Full event details and other information on the San Diego Area Chapter of NOW can be found at —Margie M. Palmer is a San Diego-based freelance writer who has been racking up bylines in a myriad of news publications for the past 10 years. You can write to her at


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


The loss of our

Purple One Morgan M. Hurley | Editor

As posts slowly began making their way across social media on the morning of April 21, regarding an unidentified “death at Paisley Park,” there was a great deal of speculation, but most posters and commenters were in denial, expecting it to be yet another hoax. But then it came. “It is with profound sadness that I am confirming that the legendary iconic performer, Prince, has died at his Paisley Park residence this morning at the age of 57,” stated his publicist Yvette Noel-Schure and first reported by ABC News. “There are no further details as to the cause of his death at this time.” Social media exploded with thousands of images of the Purple One and dozens of pertinent lyrics. “Life is just a party and parties weren’t meant to last.” “This is what is sounds like when doves cry.” “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” That evening, landmarks around the world lit up in purple and a party in his name spilled out all over the streets of Minneapolis. Betsy Hodges, the mayor of Minneapolis, spoke. “For the residents of Minneapolis, the loss of Prince is too large to describe,” Hodges said. “His music brought untold joy to people all over the world. But in Minneapolis, it is different. It is harder here. Prince was a child of our city and his love of his hometown permeated many of his songs. Our pride in his accomplishments permeates our love of Minneapolis. “From his youth in the Minneapolis Public Schools, to his graduation from Central High School, to his breakthrough performance at the Capri on Broadway Avenue, to his worldwide success, he was one of us. He gave us more opportunities to hear his music than anyone else. What a blessing. Only now may we realize how lucky we were. “Prince was unapologetically different and he made it OK for his fans to be different and to celebrate their individuality,” Hodges continued. “His social conscience challenged us to look deeper than the skin color of our neighbors. ‘Baltimore’ challenges us today as much as ‘Sign o’ the Times’ did in 1987. His voice was vital and will be missed.” A week later, the LGBT community and its allies are still struggling to deal with the grief this news caused. Born Prince Rogers Nelson on June 7, 1958, Prince — probably even more so than David Bowie who also died this year — impacted and influenced us all. We came of age with a straight man who wasn’t concerned with his overt femininity and even flaunted it. He was sexy to everyone, whether you were gay, lesbian or straight. From his gender-bending appearance, his elaborate fashion style, his choice of clothing or lack thereof on stage, his sex-laden, often cryptic and always memorable lyrics, his mystique, his immense talent and his music, Prince pushed boundaries like no other. Gay San Diego reviewed celebrity reactions online and reached out to members of our own community for comment.v

Celebrity commentary on social media “He was a straight black man who played his first televised set in bikini bottoms and knee-high heeled boots. Epic. He made me feel more comfortable with how I identify sexually, simply by his display of freedom from and irreverence for obviously archaic ideas like gender conformity, etc. He moved me to be more daring and intuitive with my own work by his demonstration.” —Frank Ocean When I was a much younger, my brother Jeff had all your albums and I ripped copies onto cassettes. I’m sorry I stole from you but I had no money and I loved you. Your songs were on every mix tape I made for every crush I had. I went to my first dance club in Portland, Maine, and there you were, the DJ was spinning your unique and hot, falsetto tunes. Your music and style was so unusual to us and so fucking great that it made all people within earshot celebrate with their bodies. But we didn’t just celebrate your art by rhythmically throwing ourselves around — we celebrated your very queer image too, regardless of your orientation/gender, because you defied gender, making me forget about your sexuality, and helping me open up and explore my own. Your art brought together so many of us beautiful freaks and misfits in the ’80s, moving our drunken, alien shells to the club’s strobes and your gorgeous fat beats and high notes. Thank you Prince, for being there with your soundtrack during one of the first times I can recall feeling like I belonged. So many of your songs do that for me, even today, they can transport me if I need them. Rest now. —Ian Harvie, transgender activist, stand-up comedian, actor (“Transparent”) It was “Raspberry Beret.” I was 4 years old. Yes, 4. I remember that I instantly loved it. “Mommy, who is that singing?” Seems weird but it’s true. More than a “once in a lifetime” artist ... Just a ONCE IN FOREVER ARTIST. I’m still in shock as I write this and I feel this overwhelming grief. But, we should all turn away from that and HONOR this musician that changed all of our lives, our perspectives, our feeling, our whole being. From another planet? Probably. Royalty, for sure. Us worthy … ? Laughable. They say don’t meet your idols ... that they let you down. But, some of my greatest, funniest (yes, he was hilarious), and most prolific encounters and conversations about music came from the moments that I spent with him. It would be silly to say that he has inspired our music ... it’s beyond that. He’s somewhere within every song I’ve ever written. I am sad, but I will smile when I think of every second that I had the fortune of being in his company. We have lost our greatest living musician. But his music will never die. Prince, NOTHING COMPARES ... #RIPPrince —Justin Timberlake v

I can’t let this news land. Not yet. Tonight I will sleep and Dream I hope I see You there. Please tell me your alright. I love you #Prince —Wendy Melvoin and Lisa Coleman, @WendyandLisa Doves will cry tonight. We celebrate you brother and this thing called Life. Godspeed to the great Afterparty. #Prince [Note: their profile photo was his symbol] —The Jacksons, @Jacksons I LOVED him, the world LOVED him. Now he’s at peace with his Father. Rest in power, @prince, my brother. —Chaka Khan, @ChakaKhan LEGEND. PRINCE. I wish I could have expressed my love for him before he left. —James Franco, @JamesFrancoTV Shocked and soooo sad@@ #RIP PRINCE #music #legend #gonetoosoon —Jennifer Lopez, @JLo My musical brother … My friend … The one who showed me the possibilities within myself, changed everything and kept his integrity until the end, is gone. I am heartbroken. —Lenny Kravitz, @LennyKravitz “Hello, how are you? I’m fine. Cause I know that the Lord is coming soon, coming, coming soon.” #thankyouforafunkytime #princeforever —Lena Dunham, @LenaDunham An artist. A legend. #RIPPrince —Lea Michele, @MsLeaMichele Wow!!! I can’t even forget this day that you came on the iHeart stage and blessed with this performance and I will never forget your many inspiring and helpful conservations. I love you. You will be sorely missed. —Mary J. Blige, @MaryJBlige v

see Prince, pg 14


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016

ion scores again Prepare for ‘tighty whiteys’ and bawdy language Theater Review Charlene Baldridge Hardly anyone makes a big deal of its consistent excellence and ion theatre at Sixth and Pennsylvania avenues just keeps turning out splendid little miracles in the dark. A case in point is Wayne Lemon’s “Jesus Hates Me,” a dark comedy so wacky and off the wall it might have been written with ion co-directors Glenn Paris and Claudio Raygoza in mind. “Jesus Hates Me” continues at the Hillcrest theater through May 14. The two directors have a knack for casting talented actors, melding them into a tight ensemble and building jaw-dropping sets that fill their comfortable and compact playing space. Most of all, though, they have a talent for finding and staging what’s visceral and rings true. Some may complain about “language” — and do — but it is real and gritty, just like life. “Jesus Hates Me,” which really skewers the state of Texas and the state of its denizens, concerns a loosely-related group of small town folks who live somewhere in West Texas today. Most of the charac-

ters are likely to live there forever; the protagonist wants to escape. Raygoza’s design encompasses a miniature golf course replete with an Airstream travel trailer and, a short distance away, a bar run by Lizzy (Dana Fares), who’s been in love with 25-year old Ethan (Connor Sullivan) since they were in high school. Her brother Georgie (Charlie Gange) is the bartender. Having failed to kill himself in a suicide attempt, Georgie speaks with an electronic device that replaces the larynx he lost. Ethan, who is “a stranger in his own life,” wants to escape to Colorado where his cousin has offered him a job on a dude ranch, a perfect means of escape, but he worries what will become of his mother, Annie (Lisel Gorell-Getz), with whom he runs the Blood of the Lamb Miniature Golf Course. Other than Ethan, the mentally unstable Annie’s current obsession is Jesus, a manikin filched from the trash bin at WalMart and beautifully appointed. He keeps blowing off his cross on the 17th hole despite duct tape and other ministrations. Ethan’s best friend, the play’s truth-teller, is Trane (Laurence Brown), who prides himself on being the only African-American deputy sheriff in Texas. He and Ethan toke a bit and talk outside the trailer where Ethan still lives with Annie. When the ne’er-do-well Boone (Richard Johnson), long a butt of their practical jokes, gets caught


“Jesus Hates Me” By Wayne Lemon

ion theatre 3704 Sixth Ave., Hillcrest Thursdays through Saturdays

(left) Richard Johnson and Connor Sullivan; (above, l to r) Connor Sullivan, Dana Fares, Richard Johnson, Laurence Brown, Lisel GorellGetz and Charlie Gange (Courtesy ion theatre) that eventually blows the lid off Ethan’s escape attempt. Anyone who’s experienced Gorell-Getz over the years knows her prowess. She assays splen the conflicted Annie splendidly, without over emoting. quan Brown, too, is a known quantity, and he is excellent here. Having heard about Sullivan and seen him in small roles in big theaters, it is thrilling to see him in a big role in a small theater. No faking it up close. He is the genuine item, natural and convincing. There’s plenty of hilarity and Fares offers depth and poignancy as Lizzy. The play is bound to please

by the cuckold having an affair with the undertaker’s wife (the undertaker was his boss) and has to go on the lam (everyone in West Texas has a rifle), he heads to the Airstream for refuge, something

Tickets $10 – $32 or (619) 600-5020 those who love beefcake as well as fine acting. My eyes knew not where to go during an extended scene played in Jockey briefs by Johnson and Sullivan. Costume design is by Mary Summerday, fight choreography by George Ye, choreography by Michael Mizerany, and exceptional sound, scenic and lighting design by Raygoza. Don’t miss this one. — Charlene Baldridge has been writing about the arts since 1979. You can follow her blog at or reach her at charb81@gmail.comv

events attheCenter tuesday, May 3

Wed, May 4

Community Food Bank

Guys, Games & Grub

9-10:30 am, the Center

6 pm, the Center

The San Diego LGBT Community Center hosts a distribution site once a month for the Community Cares Project of the San Diego Food Bank. On the first Tuesday of every month, visit The Center’s parking lot for emergency food. For more information, visit the San Diego Food Bank website at

tuesday, May 3

hYC hours for 10-13 Year Olds 4:30-7:30 pm, hYC The Hillcrest Youth Center is a youthonly LGBTQ+ space that now has hours for 10-13 year olds every other Tuesday night. You’ll find computer access, health education, basic financial education, youth leadership training, discussion groups, creative and performing arts programming, amazing social activities and more. Tuesday nights will include structured activities such as group games, arts and crafts and mini LGBTQ workshops and discussions. For more information, email The San Diego LGBT Community Center 3909 Centre Street • 619-692-2077 Twitter: @LGBTCenter

Guys, Games & Grub, presented by Men @ The Center and Hillcrest Social, is a fun, free monthly social event designed for men – where everyone is welcome. Dozens of men gather at The Center on the first Wednesday of each month for free pizza, beer, wine, soft drinks, games, prizes and more. Also, check out Live Trivia, hosted by community favorite John Lockhart. A donation of $5 is suggested at the door to support men’s programming at The Center. Bring friends or come alone and meet new friends! For more information, contact aaron heier at or 619.692.2077 x211.

Saturday, May 7 & 21

Spectrum 11 am - 1 pm, the Center Spectrum is for women of color 18 and up looking to engage in positive, stimulating conversations and activities with like-minded multicultural LGBT women. The group meets on the first and third Saturdays monthly. SOFFAs (significant others, friends, family, allies) are welcome to attend with their loved ones. For more information, contact us at 619.692.2077 x202, or


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


King Tituss ‘Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’ actor on being out, Tina Fey pushing his limits and that ‘ode to black penis’ By Chris Azzopardi The internet loves a good penis pun. One of 2015’s biggest breakout stars, Tituss Burgess, discovered this fact last year, when the “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” actor’s already-escalating showbiz profile reached new heights thanks to a song he sang called “Peeno Noir: An Ode to Black Penis.” So Burgess can retire now, right? “Oh no, I’m just getting started,” said Burgess, who originated “Sebastian the Crab” in the musical version of “The Little Mermaid.” “There are so many races to love on!” Not to mention, there’s also the second — and hopefully third, fourth and eighth — season of Netflix’s “Unbreakable.” The 37-year-old plays Titus (a variation on his real name), an aspiring and very gay Broadway performer who lives with an unworldly doomsday-cult survivor named Kimmy (Ellie Kemper). But back to that penis song … (Chris Azzopardi | CA) What was it like seeing “Peeno Noir” take off the way it did? (Tituss Burgess | TB) I don’t know that I gave it as much thought or attention as was paid to it, and that’d be the honest truth. I mean, obviously I paid attention because I launched my own line of Pinot Noir [called “Pinot by Tituss”], but it was lovely to know that people thought it was funny and took ownership of it, but it’s become something other than what it initially was. People recite those words and tell me that their office breaks out into it just as release — no one’s thinking about what it actually meant — so it’s taken on a life of its own separate from the show. But it’s awesome and I love it and I hope they find something as equally exciting and satisfying about this season as they did last season. (CA) We get to learn more about Titus’s “straight life” this season. Who were you during your straight life? (TB) Gay! [Laughs] Honestly, I had a formal conversation with my mom when I was 19, but I don’t know that I was ever in the closet, if I’m being perfectly honest. I never had the “I have to tell the world” mindset. (CA) How much of the character is you? (TB) I’m gonna be honest with you: very little. We share a similar wicked sense of humor and we both, of course, love musical theater and Diana Ross, but my energy lives a lot lower to the ground than his does and I don’t yearn for the spotlight the way he does. The fact is, I really, really enjoy my alone time, so I don’t crave that the way my character does. In fact, by the time we’re done filming the season, I’m quite exhausted. He requires such a

“Intensely smart and immensely funny” -THE NEW YORK TIMES

Burgess and a costar Ellie Kemper on the set of Netflix's original series, "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" (Courtesy Netflix) high level of vibration, and so by the time it’s done, I’m happy to hang him up for a few months. (CA) Titus’s breakthrough moment this season involves him in geisha garb. I’m just waiting to hear what the critics have to say about that. (TB) Oooh lord. When I read that script I thought, “Jesus. Last year it was the wolf [Jacqueline, who is “American Indian,” unleashed a primal howl during the finale]; this year it’s gonna be the geisha.” (CA) How prepared are you for any backlash? (TB) Oh, I’m prepared. I’ve had six months to prep for the harsh criticism. The thing about [creators] Tina [Fey] and Robert [Carlock] is, they don’t shy away from the current climate of the country and while on a surface level it might seem like they’re giving these silly stereotypes a platform, I think it’s just sort of exacerbating what we have become so sensitive to. But if it’s a headline, my friend, it is fair game. Tina and Robert are two of the most informed people I’ve ever met and sometimes we get scripts and I think, “Surely this has not happened somewhere,” or, “Surely this is something that they’ve made up.” So I’ll get on the internet and there it is. The transracial storyline — people feeling as though as they remember past lives — when I read these headlines, it’s funny because it’s so unbelievable. So yeah, it’s a fine line, but they treat it with great sensitivity and great class — and it is, after all, a comedy. (CA) Are there ever times where you’re like, “Tina, no, no — too far.” (TB) Yeah — the geisha episode! I didn’t wanna do it. (CA) What were you hesitant about? (TB) I’m in white face, man! I didn’t want anyone to think I was disrespecting a culture. But what we did was make certain that, while it’s funny, he’s extremely sincere about what has happened to him. He’s for real, and as long as he’s for real in his interpretation and his acknowledgement

of his past lives then it’s not offensive. There’s something oddly touching about the end of that episode and I think it also serves a greater storyline, which is, Titus has finally taken the initiative to take control of his career. No one else is giving him a job, so he wrote one for himself, so that is what’s smart about it.

what do women really want? A Pulitzer Prize nominated hit comedy from “House of Cards” writer Gina Gionfriddo. Three generations of women reach for the secret of love, sex, success and happiness.

(CA) What do you think when people call Titus a stereotype? (TB) I think they didn’t see APRIL the same show that I filmed. Titus is more everyman than Jacqueline, Kimmy or Lillian. He’s broke, he can’t afford to pay his rent, he’s chasing this career that has not materialized, he has trouble in relationships, at leasts40_rapture_gaysd.indd 1 last season, and he is not a size 32 in the waist. He gets rejected when he attempts to do something good with his life, even if it’s one of his bizarre “this is gonna make me famous” excursions. Most Americans are living lives unfulfilled. Most Americans don’t have the money that Jacqueline has. Most Americans, especially black people, don’t get away with committing murder like Lillian did. So they’re not paying attention, that’s what I think. (CA) Your performance of Diana Ross’s “Believe in Yourself” while accepting the Human Rights Campaign’s Visibility Award late last year was so moving. Why is being out and visible important to you? (TB) Honey, how much time do you have? [Laughs] I know what dark places feel like and I know what the absence of love and community feels like and if I had a me when I was growing up to see, I would have perhaps been familiar to you guys a lot sooner than two years ago. For that reason, I don’t want any young person or any old person to not acknowledge who they came into the world being through all of their past lives. This current one that you’re experiencing is one that should be fully realized — otherwise, you are the walking dead and what is the point? —Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at and on Twitter (@chrisazzopardi).v

21 - MAY 15 619.544.1000 |

3/25/16 4:09 PM



GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


Twenty-Fifth ANNUAL

MAMA’S Day 2016


Extraordinary Culinary Evening









A new opera by Jake Heggie, composer of Moby-Dick and Dead Man Walking. Starring Frederica von Stade and Nathan Gunn. A struggling opera company and a home team in the Super Bowl collide in this tender and funny slice-of-life opera that examines the sacrifices we all make in our lives.

Tickets start at $45

SDOPERA.ORG 619-533-7000 Tickets also available at

music by JAKE HEGGIE libretto by TERRENCE MCNALLY directed by JACK O’BRIEN production sponsor DARLENE MARCOS SHILEY


2015-2016 SEASON Season Sponsor: Gloria A. Rasmussen


IS BETTER Restaurant Review Frank Sabatini Jr. Admittedly, I didn’t go running to Rolled Up when learning the Hillcrest eatery specializes in burrito-size sushi rolls that are stuffed with things like carne asada, blue corn chips and gingerspiked guacamole. The thought of chomping into Asian and Mexican ingredients concurrently seemed inelegant and screwy. But as friends and tipsters who beat me to the chase started professing otherwise, I took the plunge with my equally skeptical spouse in tow. Arriving only semihungry, we were immediately wowed by the first of three rolls we ordered. Named the “little crunchy guy” — and hardly little — it became our favorite. The variance of textures was otherworldly, beginning with a casing of delicate seaweed that verged into a layer of soft, cool rice and shredded krab before delivering us to graduating degrees of crunchiness from shrimp tempura, corn chips, Persian cucumbers and cabbage. Hidden within were creamy swirls of ginger Bitchin’ Sauce. Zany in flavor? Yes, but without the mayhem our palates expected, even after dabbing the roll into a trio of condiments presented like acrylic paints on the tray: Sriracha aioli, wasabi-soy mayo, and shiny eel sauce. Rolled Up is the latest venture by James Markham, who established Project Pie and Pieology before deciding to break the rules in sushi making. While the concept is new to San Diego, it has already taken root in the Bay Area at several locations of Sushirrito, which was founded several years ago by a different entrepreneur. Markham’s constructs are similar in that they contain a variety of seafood and red meats rolled into large panels of seaweed and pressed rice along

(top to bottom) The “crunchy little guy” roll; all rolls include three zesty sauces; and their fortune cookies come with a twist (Photos by Frank Sabatini Jr.)


3884 Fourth Ave. (Hillcrest) 619-358-9397, Prices: Specialty rolls, $9 to $14 with crispy veggies and zesty sauces. With nearly 10 signature rolls on the menu, all of which undoubtedly required meticulous taste-testing of their seemingly incongruous fillings, customers can also create their own rolls from an array of ingredients visible at the order counter. But determining how well Korean short ribs pair to lemon ponzu, or how hamachi tastes with roasted red peppers and kimchi salsa can be enormously daunting compared to crafting a basic burrito at Chipotle. In fact, a footnote on the menu to those braving the challenge reads: “We’ll be honest if it’s gonna taste gross.” We took that as a warning and stuck to the house creations for our other two rolls. Sake-marinated carne asada mingled eloquently with corn salsa, seasoned cabbage, red peppers, blue corn chips and chipotle sauce in the “Japanese Moooo” roll. The meat was tender and earthy tasting while the remaining ingredients picked up a tinge of sweetness from julienne carrots. The “veg out” roll was strangely delicious with its medley of beets, arugula, red onions and

cubed jicama, all contained within a busy confluence of lemon-garlicdill yogurt and chipotle sauce. As carnivores, we found it novel and exciting albeit less filling than the other rolls. Even while stuffing our maws, we couldn’t stop lusting over other options described on the jumbo wall menu. Next time for sure it’ll be the “little piggy” rolled with pork belly, cilantro, corn and asparagus; and “the Hillcrest” cramming in ahi, hamachi, salmon, jalapenos and more. For an eatery touting oversized sushi rolls, the space itself is quaint. It features several heavy-wood tables, a brick wall, cheerful lighting, and a dispensing station for Boyland sodas in the back. Made with cane sugar, the red birch beer was especially quenching. Adding to the radical bill of fare are gourmet fortune cookies concealing R-rated messages. Sold in assorted pairs, they burst with chocolate, coconut or caramel. My description for them ends there, however, except to say we had a good chuckle on our way out. —Frank Sabatini Jr. is the author of “Secret San Diego” (ECW Press), and began his local writing career more than two decades ago as a staffer for the former San Diego Tribune. You can reach him at fsabatini@san.


A large meat smoker marks the spot of Golden Hill’s newest arrival, 26th Kitchen & Carry, which opened this month to the tune of sandwiches, flatbreads, scratch-made sides as well as smoked chicken, pork belly and tri tip. The barbecue items are available on Fridays and Saturdays only. Located behind a liquor store and geared for take-out customers, the space offers limited counter seating. 2601 Broadway, 619-531-0026.

A favorite metro-San Diego deli branches into La Jolla (Photo by

Seafood soups rotate through the daily menu (Courtesy Clandestino)

Frank Sabatini Jr.)

Italian transplants Fabrizio Facchini and his wife, Samira, have opened Clandestino in Hillcrest, in the space that previously housed Mess Royale. The intimate restaurant leans heavily toward seafood dishes ranging from ceviche soups and honey-caramelized halibut, to lobster burgers that are made to order and octopus with potato cream puree. The menu extends also to fresh pastas, chicken and New York steak. 142 University Ave., Suite C, 619-578-2909,

The Nevada-based Rubicon Deli has added a third location to its San Diego portfolio. The new UTC-La Jolla shop features the same menu of wellstacked sandwiches as the other outlets in Mission Hills and Mission Beach. Lauded for its housebaked breads, such as Dutch crumb, garlic-cheese and jalapeño-Jack, the latest outlet replaces Papa John’s Pizza. 4130 La Jolla Village Drive, Suite 104, 858-877-9911,

Look for one-off beers using experimental hops after Amplified Ale Works of Pacific Beach settles into its new, primary brewing facility and adjoining tasting room in the Sorrento Valley area. This second location soft-opened April 26, and will allow for the production of 1,000 additional barrels of beer in the coming year, some of which will include limited releases by head brewer Cy Henley as part of his “Distorted Hops Series.” 9030 Kenamar Drive,

Dishes of the Caribbean and other global cuisine are available at SeaWorld's Seven Seas Food Festival (Photo by Mike Aguilera) Nine different areas throughout SeaWorld San Diego will be utilized for the park’s second annual Seven Seas Food Festival, which runs every Saturday and Sunday, from May 7 to June 12. The culinary journey features stations reflecting the cuisines of Nuevo Baja, South America, Asia, France, the Caribbean, California, and other regions of the globe. Dishes will spotlight local, sustainable ingredients, and they’ll be paired with local craft beers as well as wines from California and France. In addition, mai tais and piña coladas will be available in the new Polynesian area. Menu items throughout the festival include grilled oysters, lamb sliders, Peruvian ceviche, jerk chicken, escargot, crepes and dozens more. Dishes can be purchased separately or through a $40 sample package that allows guests up to five food items and five drinks from any of the areas. A food-only sampler is available for $20. The event is included with park admission ($89 for ages 10 and older; $83 for ages 3 through 9; and free for children under 3). 500 Sea World Drive, 800-257-4268, Johan Engman of Breakfast Republic and Fig Tree Cafes is on a roll with plans to open two new restaurants in North Park. In midJanuary, he will introduce North Park Breakfast Company at 3131 University Ave., where Moncai Vegan previously operated. “I have a wait line everyday at Breakfast Republic, so I wanted to expand and do something different in the area,” he said. The menu will feature an entirely new slate of dishes backed up by breakfast-friendly craft cocktails, many of which will involve coffee. Later next year, he will open a dinner restaurant next door to Breakfast Republic, at 2726 University Ave. The space formerly housed a pet shop and will be completely remodeled with a full kitchen and wine and beer bar. Engman says he will finalize the concept after renovations begin.

Everything’s new at Burnside, the gourmet-sandwich eatery in Normal Heights that recently reopened after closing temporarily for renovation. The space now features additional seating and an extended bar, plus an expanded menu that includes several Southern-style options from barbecue master Todd Johnson — smoked turkey, baby back ribs and pulled pork sandwiches, plus many of the previously established standbys. 3375 Adams Ave., 619-501-7715, —Reach Frank Sabatini Jr. at

GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016




GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016

was supposed to be showing up at random clubs at midnight and playing 17 minute versions of “Little Red Corvette,” giving girls and old ladies salacious looks, yelping in ecstasy after those refrains, and refusing to stop singing when the place was supposed to close — he was supposed to be doing this for as long as we were all alive. He was supposed to be making cryptic announcements and anointing new stars and existing as our living god of art and sex and love and rock and soul, forever. —Ted Gideonse, public health researcher, former San Diego resident, LGBT Weekly contributor



Locals on Prince “I’m not a woman. “I’m not a man. “I am something that you’ll never understand.” Prince was always challenging gender stereotypes in music and fashion. That meant a lot to me and many other LGBT kids who never aligned with the typical gender norms. He was a great role model for understanding confidence and how to be comfortable in your own skin. His music was amazing too! So many of his songs remind me of specific moments in my life. We lost a true legend when he died, and while I’m sad that he’s gone, I’m so grateful for the abundance of music he left behind. —Eric Rosswood, native San Diegan, author of “Journey to Same-sex Parenthood” Being an ’80s kid, Michael Jackson’s death hit me really hard and I was surprised by how emotional I was then. This is another one. I’m struggling to come up with a sentence or two that describes the emotion behind this loss. Maybe it’s

A mural that included an image of Prince adorned a North Park wall until recently. (Facebook) harder because I don’t have a specific story or memory to share. It’s more of an overall, overwhelming feeling of having lost something that was “just there” — that is, the awesome creative genius of an artist at his level. Prince seemed to live as energy and fire rather than flesh and blood. I admire artists, superstars or not, who have the guts and the heart to fiercely and fearlessly honor this creative power. Their art is a manifestation of love. It’s pure love. I believe this creativity,

when authentically expressed, is a vehicle for us mere humans to communicate with one another on a spiritual level. This recognition of the Divine flowing through this human being is what moves me. —Suzanne Dzialo, local freelance artist, self-described “creative habit enabler,” life coach This is not right. He was supposed to be releasing music, stuff he wrote 30 years ago and stuck in a shoebox and stuff he wrote yesterday in an elevator, for another four decades at least. He

I have surprised myself at how depressed I have been since hearing of his death. I don’t usually “swoon” over a lot of celebrities. I appreciate them, of course, but I’ve never been one to have the sad days I’ve had since Prince left us. Maybe it’s because he was SO much a part of my teenage life. We saw “Purple Rain” at the theater and fell in love. My BFFs and I sang his songs every time one came on in the car and we’d blast up the volume — especially with “When Doves Cry.” Maybe it’s because he appeared to be rather an introvert, not unlike myself as I’ve gotten older. Maybe it’s because of his IMMENSE talent with music, songwriting and singing. Maybe

it’s because he was only a few years older than I am, making some of us more aware of our own mortality. And maybe because the more reading I’ve done about him, the more I realize what a humanitarian and kind person he had been. I am kicking myself that I never had a chance to see him in concert —especially his unplugged, smaller venues. Whatever was going on in his final days makes my heart ache for him. Fifty-seven is way too young to leave. It especially grieves me when we lose someone who did so much for others and made a positive difference in this often very hard world to live in. My heart is full of Purple Rain this week. May you be happy and making beautiful music on your purple clouds, Prince. Namaste. —Kathleen Stone, published writer, Prince admirer Prince was almost as, if not equally, influential to me as David Bowie was — so it’s been a tough year losing childhood icons. Prince was an inspiration, a musical and artistic genius. With people like Prince and Bowie it wasn’t just OK to be different — it was COOL to be different. The insight and hope I gained from these two growing up was best put into words by Danielle Campoamor: “If being a man meant adhering to social stereotypes of toughness or masculinity, then Bowie and Prince were so much more than men. In fact, they were not of this world.” —Sister Gaia Love, Sister of Perpetual Indulgence and former San Diego resident The Death of a Prince — I saw him in a very private concert at Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego a couple years ago. Said fuck it and paid for the ticket last minute and it was held in a banquet room with only about 500 guests allowed inside. He asked everyone to please turn off their phones and not take pictures because he wanted them to “enjoy the moment.” It was quite special and everyone there listened and respected his request. And boy did he put on a show. Thank you Prince for your poetry, song, dance, theater, movies, and massive cultural influence worldwide. —Alexander Salazar, local art dealer, gallery owner Still in shock about Prince’s passing. He was a musical genius. I grew up listening to his music. Every morning on my way to school, I would jump in my car and sing “Raspberry Beret” at the top of my lungs. Whenever this song comes on, it instantly puts me in a good mood. I have so many great memories listening to his music and watching his videos. I loved his creativity and his passion for music. He was an inspiration to me. He will be greatly missed, but never forgotten. —Priscilla Umel-Martinez, accountant at SDCNN, member of San Diego Tennis Federation Prince was a prophet. Prince was magic. Prince was genius. Prince was music. Prince was

see Prince, pg 17


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016



decided an art exhibit just might be a way to further process what transpired all those years ago. The youngest of seven children, Salazar was born to Ramiro, a welder at Texas Oil and Gas, and Idalia, a stay-athome mom who in her spare time made flower arrangements for weddings. Ramiro, having emigrated from Mexico to Houston through a sponsorship with the Masons, was an uneducated but “selfmade man,” Salazar said. “Before he got shot he was very happy all the time,” he said. “He was always helping people; that’s where I get it from.” Salazar said his parents bought a small house at first, but when Houston began to grow and a new interstate was needed, the city paid them a good price to move, which enabled them to buy a bigger and better home for their expanding family. The youngest of seven, Alexander — who said he was considered an “accident,” since there is a four-year age difference between him and his next older brother — developed a strong bond with his father and his giving ways. “He was always bringing in people and feeding them,” Salazar said. “For a period of time the sofa was my bedroom because uncles, aunts and cousins would come from Mexico and sleep at our house for months. It was always a full house.” Though Ramiro survived the shooting, the resulting brain injury caused the family to lose the husband and father they knew and he spent the next five of his final 25 years in rehabilitation. “He was a man who had always provided for his family and all of a sudden, he couldn’t do anything,” Salazar said. “They had to teach him how to do basic things all over again.” A week after the accident, Salazar went off to college, but returned frequently, at first. “I realized going to see him in the hospital was useless because he didn’t know who I was,” Salazar said. “He would talk to me about his son in college. He cried all the time and the next minute he’d be laughing. He tried to beat up my mom because she had to argue with him every single day about showering, taking his medicine, and eating. His filter was basically gone.” So while being home was stressful and traumatic, being away at college caused tremendous guilt for the young student, but eventually it provided the distraction he needed. “School was all I had,” Salazar said, adding that he spent a great deal of time in the counselor’s office after each of his troubling visits home. “I nearly flunked out freshman year from a small private school called Colorado College. But one day my counselor said, ‘We would not have taken a chance on you if we didn’t think you could succeed. We understand your situation, but you need to do better.’” He said they told him that rather than being depressed, he should be making “straight A’s” to honor his father, so they got him a tutor and put him in a writing class. “They also reinforced that me

said his guilty pleas resulted in “sparing everyone a trial.” “I think redemption is beyond no person — a personal journey you must make,” Rogers said to Beltran. A second-degree murder charge had been added to the charges last May, but was dropped Feb. 26 when Beltran entered a guilty plea. Beltran didn’t have a valid driver’s license at the time because it was revoked due to other drunk driving convictions in Orange County in 2011 and 2012. Rhodes, a pilot, was in a relationship with the independent hair stylist for many years. “He was one of the most peaceful souls I ever met,” Rhodes said. “He could put himself in another’s shoes.” Rhodes and Valli Reed, Melero’s salon partner at Indigo Salon & Spa in Hillcrest at the time of his death, both spoke at the sentencing. “He really would give you the shirt off his back,” Reed said outside of the courtroom. “He



A young Alexander Salazar (right) describes the shooting of his father to a detective. (Photo by Stephen Shames)

going back home was not a good idea — and me trying to explain that to my mom, who needed me, was hard,” he said. One day he said the dean told him, “You should go to Europe.” Salazar said that idea just didn’t make sense to his family; he was already too far from Houston as far as they were concerned. “It was just what I had to do,” Salazar said. “I had to literally remove myself from everything here in order to succeed.” To make matters worse, Salazar said his family had stopped talking to each other after the shooting; everything conversation was about his father or what his mother was dealing with. So although he realized he was gay, he said he “tabled” the discussion about his sexuality. Taking the dean’s advice, Salazar traveled to London to study contemporary and modern art, then Florence, Italy, to study the Masters while still an undergrad. He later got a master’s degree in sociology and art from Boston College and then a second masters in theology and art from Harvard. His formal education lasted 10 years. When he returned from Harvard, he moved to San Diego. “When it happened, I basically left for college and never came back,” he said. At the prison art exhibition, he has a large portrait of his father — commissioned through Jessica Rosa after his father’s death — hanging next to all of his framed college degrees, as a reminder that he basically “sacrificed” his father for his education. With feelings like that, it is clear why he felt the need to have this exhibition. While still in Colorado, Salazar said he’d often get calls from the parole board asking him to comment on behalf of the shooters and offering him an opportunity for him to meet with them for the restitution phase. He always told them he wasn’t ready and the calls eventually stopped. One day he received a letter telling him the man who shot his father was released. “I thought, ‘Wow, what do you do with that [information]?’” he said. “If I had the opportunity now, I’d finally meet with them. I think my dad passing away also had something to do with it, I could never have done this if he were still alive.” When he told his family he planned to do the prison art exhibit, they were less than sup-

portive. “They’ve always said I was crazy, and me doing this [exhibition] is just another example of my craziness,” he said. Stephen Shames, a news photographer in Houston who covered the shooting and its aftermath recently sent Salazar the entire series of photos from that time, many of which are graphic and show his family’s grief. A relative that he shared the photos with told him “they are in the past and should stay in the past,” but Salazar felt differently. “For me, I sort of faced it — those pictures are tough but God they give me strength and they empower me,” he said. “They help me. Obviously they don’t help everybody.” Half of any proceeds from the prison art exhibit will go to the Texas Victims Assistance Fund, an organization that helped his father and his family in the years after the shooting and Salazar wants to replenish that fund. Thanks to the response to the exhibition, people have been writing checks to the organization and Salazar is thankful for the support he’s experienced. Some have brought him money, others cases of water, and neighboring restaurants brought him food while he prepped and for the exhibit’s opening. People also donated their time. “There was no way for me to say no,” he said. “It became a community experience. This show touched so many people. There were strangers coming in here wanting to paint. I wanted them to feel a part of it.” The convicts and prisoners and families who responded to Salazar’s call for art work have all been very humble and appreciative, and every one of them has apologized for what happened to his father, something he said surprised him. The response has been so great and steady, he said he could create an ongoing exhibition, but that wasn’t the point of this show. The Prison Art: Exonerated is on display at Salazar’s gallery located at 1040 Seventh Ave., Downtown. The exhibition has been extended through May 15 but is currently only available by calling 619-531-8996 for an appointment. To learn more, visit —Reach Morgan M. Hurley at



was that guy.” Several friends and associates have told stories in the past about the popular hair stylist literally giving the shirt off his back to a homeless person while he was out running. He sometimes would knock on a friend’s door seeking a shirt to replace what he had given away. Indigo Salon held a fundraiser to benefit the homeless shortly after his death and even called it, “The Shirt Off of Oscar’s Back.” A page in memory of Melero remains on the Indigo website at “We are devastated about the loss of our dear friend, Oscar Melero,” the page reads. “A stylist with us from the start, Oscar was one of the main reasons why we are so much more than just a workplace — we are a family. There are no words to describe our sadness or how much will miss him. Thank you to all of Oscar’s friends and clients for the heartfelt sentiments, prayers, and flowers.” —Neal Putnam is a local freelance writer. Reach him at

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‘Lesbian Love Addiction’ An interview and an analysis All Screens Considered Kurt Niece

(clockwise, from top left) A door at Paisley Palace;; a recent photo posted to Twitter; the piano from the "A Piano and a Microphone" tour that Prince was in the middle of when he died (Photos courtesy @Prince on Twitter) FROM PAGE 14


was magic. Prince was genius. Prince was music. Prince was love. Prince was a dove. Prince was something I’d never understand. Prince was everything I wanted to be but couldn’t. My first memories of Prince were my mom including him on the list of banned music in the house. But as an aerobics instructor, she had a large music collection, one of those cassettes was “Purple Rain.” When mom would leave my brother and I alone, first thing I did was play that tape and escape. I was like 5, 6 or 7; I have no idea what I was escaping from, but I was. Then after mom lifted the ban, Colombia House sent the “Batman” soundtrack and mom gave it to me and now I had two albums. I was overjoyed. Then he released O(+> and my mom and I got into a fight in the record store over its Parental Advisory sticker when I said I’ve heard worse at school she let me buy it. After I got a job, I started collecting his back catalogue and I lost my mind. My sophomore year of high school he dropped the “Gold Experience” and I knew my life was forever changed. Here was a man in the same 70-minutes, singing and rapping about female empowerment, God, the afterlife, sex, love, romance, politics, lust, and being alone. That CD must have been on repeat for months, with me writing “love god love life love sexy everywhere.” Like Madonna, he shaped my world view on sex, God and politics. Songs like “Controversy” and “Uptown” helped me come to terms with being gay. And I can remember when I was in high school liking Prince wasn’t cool, but everyone knew Prince was my dawg. It bothered me then and bothers me now that people claim he was gay because of how he

dressed. More so now, because aren’t we fighting to free gender stereotypes and here was a straight man avoiding them all. One of my first concerts was the Jam of the Year tour with special guests Larry Graham, Chaka Khan, Rosie Gaines and Sheila E appearing that night. Prince in his interviews would introduce me to the masters of music that came before him, Earth Wind & Fire, Sly & the Family Stone, Rufus, Joni Mitchell, Mavis Staples. When I moved to San Diego, my Prince obsession went to another level. His official website listed NPG2001 as his AOL handle and after nights of seeing him online I sent an instant message and he replied. We chatted a few times and they were exactly the type of conversations you’d expect Prince to have and true to form he’d give up on AOL. I soon discovered It was a neverland, it was family. A fan site with just message boards with pages dedicated to all kinds of topics. I could tell anything to the regulars and feel safe because we bonded over Prince, a man who told us to be us, to be unafraid. One of my closest friends today, who I at text at least every day, I met on there. It was there I learned of institutional racism and white privilege. I could get lost in there forever. As the years progressed and Prince’s treatment of fans became ever more tortured, I grew bitter with him but I kept going back because he was Prince. I spent the $75 on the lifetime membership of LotusFlow3r but that lifetime ended up being two months when the site suddenly went offline. Don’t get me started. It was after the 2008 election. I was listening to the song “All The Critics Love U In New York” and in there he said on the fourth day of November, we’re all going to get a purple high. And it clicked Obama was elected on Nov. 4. A

song from 1982; he knew. Prince was party to a world of information normal people didn’t have. When he died, the classic “Sometimes it Snows in April” popped in mind. It was a song about a man named Christopher Tracy dying in April. He said it was about Christ but Christopher Tracy was one of his many pseudonyms, like on “Manic Monday.” He knew. Prince was fearless. Prince inspired me. Prince was one of the most important people in my formative life. So many memories of mine revolve around him or the people I met because of him. I am so lucky that I got to experience so much of his work and statements first hand. I am so happy that I can say I am a lifelong super Prince Purple Fan. Prince will be missed but Prince’s impact is eternal. —Eric Hufford, local LGBT activist I remember seeing him in the movie theater. “Sign o’ the Times.” I saw it 16 times or even more. After about the ninth time, no one would go with me anymore except one friend. Her name was Regina and she was in a wheel chair. At this time the movie theater had no ramps or elevators, at least not in East Germany. But I needed her to see what I saw, so I carried her into the theater. I started to wear similar glasses and I decorated my jean jacket to look like his. Prince became one of my childhood heroes, besides Dylan and Bowie. The music! The moves! And how he dressed! He gave us permission. I am shocked and still too sad to actually talk about him. He was a beautiful man, very sexy and attractive. But his real sexiness was on the inside. He is missed. —Connie Kurtew, photographer, music fan, former San Diego resident Good night, sweet Prince. —SDCNN v

Dr. Lauren Costine, an expert in the field of women’s history, recently released her latest book, “Lesbian Love Addiction: Understanding the Urge to Merge and How to Heal When things go Wrong.” Her writing explores myth, and addresses addictive behavior and the state of the human condition from a feminine perspective. In an exclusive interview with Gay San Diego, Dr. Costine spoke of goddess cultures and ancient feminism. It’s easy to think of feminism as a movement birthed last century by a blessed union of Woodstock and the Summer of Love, but history recalls a feminine aspect that ebbs, flows and continues to evolve. In recent years, baby boomers saw the fiery demise of countless brassieres. Newly liberated Vietnam-era women burned their bras in protest to figurative and literal bondage. The bra was a metaphor. Gen-Xers grew up in a braoptional world. This generation is aware of sensibly shoed

stay-at-home moms, but those black-and-white bygone days are history viewed through the lens of old TV sitcoms. Though the idea of a woman president still seems novel, it’s not as novel as a middle-class, dolled-up housewife spending the day baking and wearing pearls. Now, single-income, middle-class, stay-at-home moms are the true novelty. Millennials are coming of age at a time when political correctness is politically incorrect and misogyny is acceptable, as evidenced by throngs of Trumpateers. Interestingly, those supporters are both male and female. One wonders if Stockholm syndrome is at play, especially when Megyn Kelly of Fox News became an appetizer in the banquet of authoritarian, angry male and female populism. So in this heated frenzy, there’s refuge in Dr. Constine’s wide-angle perspective. “Feminism is historical, sociological, and psychological,” she began. “It’s old as humanity and populated by goddess cultures, but then patriarchies sprang up, something deeply connected to heteronormativity, the belief that people fall into distinct and complementary genders with natural roles in life, that asserts heterosexuality is the only sexual orientation and the only norm.”

see Addiction, pg 19


GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016


‘DINAH Vegas’: This weekend-long, lesbian-themed event is already underway at host hotels the Flamingo Resort and LINQ Hotel and various other venues with colossal dance parties, a pool party and more. Visit

expected. There will be opportunities to purchase artwork, enjoy live music and dance performances, and participate in interactive art experiences. 11 a.m. – 6 p.m. Continues Sunday, May 1. Visit ‘South Park Spring Cleaning Sidewalk Sale’: Area stores will be cleaning house and hosting a huge sidewalk sale with great deals. Noon. Continues Sunday, May 1. Visit bit. ly/1WQubYs. ‘Laces and Lashes Ball’: The San Diego American Flag Football League will host this ball featuring a red carpet entrance at 6 p.m. and drag show at 7 p.m. $12. Rich’s, 1051 University Ave., Hillcrest. Visit SDAFFL. ‘Queen’s Circle — Cruising Oral Histories of Balboa Park’: This listening event will feature recorded accounts by those who participated in, surveilled and managed the cruising culture in Balboa Park’s “Fruit Loop” parking lot. Free with reservations. 6 p.m. Visit parkeology. org/queenscircle. ‘Spring Fever’: A showcase featuring five singer-songwriters, including Lisa Sanders, performing acoustic tunes. $15 suggested donation. 6:30 p.m. Rebecca’s Coffeehouse, 3015 Juniper St., South Park. Visit


‘Rear Window’: Cinema Under the Stars presents Hitchcock’s 1954 classic starring Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly. Additional screening on Saturday, April 30. 8 p.m. $15. 4040 Goldfinch St., Mission Hills. For more info visit or call 619-295-4221.


Hillcrest Historic Walking Tours: Lambda Archives will lead this tour of Hillcrest highlighting LGBT history in the area. The walk is approximately 2.5 miles and will take from 2 to 2.5 hours. Come prepared with sunscreen and water to explore the evolution of Hillcrest. $20. 10 a.m. – 12:30 p.m. Visit facebook. com/LambdaArchives. Mission Federal ArtWalk: For the 32nd year, ArtWalk will take over 17 blocks of Little Italy with thousands of attendees

Richard O’Brien’s ‘The Rocky Horror Show Live’: This cult classic satirical musical celebrates the science fiction and B-list horror genres. Performances are rated R for mature humor, language, sexual content and partial nudity. The show has been extended through May 7. 2 and 7 p.m. 4040 Twiggs St., Old Town. Tickets 619-3371525 or


San Diego Gay Men’s Chorus open auditions and info night: SDGMC will be putting a summer concert event called “Thriller” featuring the music of Michael Jackson. Info night will start at 7 p.m. with open auditions for the chorus also held those nights, May 3 and May 7. University Christian Church, 3900 Cleveland Ave., Hillcrest. Visit


Young Professionals Council’s first Tuesday series: Join the YPC for a mixer and presentation on the Imperial Court de San Diego. 6:30 – 8


p.m. Babycakes, 3766 Fifth Ave., Hillcrest. Contact Rick Cervantes ( or Prabha Singh (prabha711@ for more information. Visit

AIDS Lifecycle pool party: Raise money for a Lifecycle rider while hanging out by the pool! Featuring DJ Tristan Jaxx and dj dirtyKurty. $15 in advance; $20 at the door. Noon – 7 p.m. 6120 Romany Drive, Del Cerro. Visit


Guys, Games and Grub: The name says it all! A $5 suggested donation for attending the event will go to men’s programming at The Center. 6 p.m. San Diego LGBT Center, 3909 Centre St., Hillcrest. Visit HRC storytime: Human Rights Campaign’s San Diego Chapter will host this special reading of three children’s books that celebrate inclusion, diversity and being LGBT. All ages welcome. 6:30 p.m. Mission Hills Library, 925 West Washington St. Visit



Mama’s Day: This annual fundraiser for Mama’s Kitchen will feature over 55 top local chefs, restaurants and caterers presenting their signature dishes. $150-$250. VIP 5:30 p.m.; general admission 6:30 p.m. Hyatt Regency La Jolla, 3777 La Jolla Village Drive. Visit ‘First Fridays: Latin/Salsa/ Hip-Hop Dance’ and Cinco de Mayo celebration: A monthly women/girls/ladies/bois dance night featuring the aforementioned genres spun by DJ Fariba and a 2,000-square-foot dance area. Drink specials throughout the night. Doors open at 7 p.m. Numb3rs, 3811 Park Blvd., Hillcrest. Visit


‘The Boy Who Danced On Air’: Opening night for this new musical about the tradition of Bacha Bazi in Afghanistan where poor boys are bought by wealthy men who train them as dancers and parade them as their property. The story follows two dancers — Paiman and Feda — who fall for each other and try to start a new life. Runs through June 12. 7 p.m. Diversionary Theatre, 4545 Park Blvd., University Heights. Visit ‘Sabrina’: Cinema Under the Stars presents Billy Wilder’s Cinderella-esque fantasy starring Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn and William Holden. Additional screenings on Saturday, May 6 and Sunday, May 7. 8 p.m. $15. 4040 Goldfinch St., Mission Hills. For more info visit or call 619-2954221. ‘Techniche’: A night of house, tech-house and techno music with resident DJ MYXZLPLIX and special guests JayDean and Josh Taylor. No cover before 11 p.m. Rich’s Nightclub, 1051 University Ave., Hillcrest. Visit

39th annual Spring Arts and Crafts Festival: Over 125 artisans and crafters will display their wares at this annual fair. There will also be a food court and live music. Admission is free. 10 a.m – 5 p.m. Continues Sunday, May 8. Bernardo Winery, 13330 Paseo del Verano Norte, Rancho Bernardo. Art-making workshop: The Center is putting on this free workshop for families in collaboration with the New Children’s Museum. Those who attend this session and Mass Creativity Day at the museum will receive a museum membership for one year for two adults and up to six children (a $95 value). 1 – 3 p.m. San Diego LGBT Center, 3909 Centre St., Hillcrest. Visit ‘Mama’s Boy’: A dance party presented by Joe Whitaker and Man UPP, featuring DJ Matt Effect and The Perry Twins. $10. 8 p.m. WorldBeat Cultural Center, 2100 Park Blvd., Balboa Park. Visit


‘Show Biz with The Miz’: A fundraiser for San Diego Fringe Festival plays written by Samantha Ginn, Jonathan Hammond and Michael Mizerany. The event will feature live music perfor-


Trivia Tuesday: Every Tuesday come alone or with a group of friends for a chance to win valuable HBC gift cards. 7:30 – 10 p.m. Hillcrest Brewing Company, 1458 University Ave., Hillcrest. Visit hillcrestbrewingcompany. com or call 619-269-4323.


Shop with Pride: Whole Foods Market in Hillcrest will donate 5 percent of the day’s proceeds to projects and programs of San Diego Pride. 7 a.m. – 10 p.m. Whole Foods Market, 711 University Ave., Hillcrest. Visit


‘The Maltese Falcon’: Cinema Under the Stars presents John Huston’s directorial debut from 1941 starring Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor. Additional screenings on Friday, May 13 and Saturday, May 14. 8 p.m. $15. 4040 Goldfinch St., Mission Hills. For more info visit or call 619-295-4221. —Compiled by Jen Van Tieghem. Email calendar items to or jen@


solution on page 16




1 “Mamma Mia!” band 5 Acted like 9 Prefix with sexual 14 Susan Feniger preparation 15 Irene of “Fame” 16 Illicit love affair 17 Problem for skin 18 Send tumbling 19 ’69 disturbances at Stonewall 20 Ed O’Neill’s character on “Modern Family” 23 Marlon Brando’s hometown 24 Fran Drescher show, with “The” 25 Sound of Scarecrow’s foe 28 Stimpy’s pal 29 U-turn from NNW 31 Sometimes pierced flap 33 Funny Cheri 35 Tops a cupcake 36 Mitchell’s pet snake that 20-Across “murdered” 40 Boat bottom 42 Mullally of “Will & Grace”

mances and more. $20. 7 p.m. cocktail hour with hors d’ouvres and 8 p.m. showtime. Diversionary Theatre, 4545 Park Blvd., University Heights. Visit

43 Communicating regularly 47 Dick, for short 48 They made laws against O. Wilde’s love life 51 1950 film noir 52 Male deliveries? 54 Layer at Hamburger Mary’s 56 Mitchell’s pet bird that 20-Across “murdered” 58 “... a ___ deferred” (Hughes) 61 Ball of film 62 Illegal block by Esera Tuaola 63 Greek triangle 64 Pink on the inside 65 Windy day toy 66 A turnstile swallows it 67 Boob 68 Takes advantage of pupils?

1 Scale with three sharps 2 Turned into 3 “South Pacific” tree 4 Alpha, to the circumcized 5 Beginning of “Hairspray” 6 Wife and wife, e.g. 7 Susan in “All My Children” 8 Moon over the Niles? 9 Saint Joan or Saint Sebastian 10 Send off 11 When repeated, campy 12 Wheel track 13 Areas for Dr. Kerry Weaver 21 Jamaican cultist 22 Old Spanish queen 25 Partner of Caesar, in comedy 26 Prez linked with Joshua Speed 27 Bentley of “American Beauty” 30 Remarks, slangily 32 Pride member 33 Northern capital 34 Descartes’s conclusion 36 “Chicago’s” Catherine ___-Jones

37 Use your head 38 Well-kept secret, for some 39 Painter Francis 40 Dan Savage memoir, with “The” 41 Bowie collaborator 44 Tracey of “Tracey Takes On” 45 Queerly shy 46 Sand or water, to Sheehan 48 Broadway’s “Thoroughly Modern” woman 49 Like Miss Manners 50 Wesley of “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar” 53 Start of a religious title 55 Head attachments 56 It has a fickle finger 57 Don Juan’s mother 58 It can kill the queen of a colony 59 Vintage vehicle 60 “Horny” animal


ADDICTION Dr. Costine explained the oppression of goddess cultures and civilizations oppressed or destroyed by Judaism and by the northern invaders. The Jews and the Vikings believed in a male God. They repressed women and feminine energy starting a 1,000-year strategic approach to demonize anything connected to the goddess or paganism. Furthermore, Costine believes the goddess cultures were less violent, but with a caveat. “I’m not trying to say these cultures were perfect,” she said. “It’s easy to idealize and at the end of the day, they were just human beings.” Does she feel violence is biological? Does she believe women are inherently less violent than men? “I’m a big proponent of nature and nurture,” she said. “I believe we come into the world with our physiological and biological components, and that we need not only our family, but our peers and society and that combination creates who we are.” The doctor supports her theory by citing empirical data from MRI scans and blood tests. She believes the evidence is irrefutable proof that men and women are wired differently. Furthermore, she believes this demonstrates a fundamental distinction when two women bond. Female brains have more neuronal pathways designed to connect to others in an intimate, relational way. Historically, women connected, kept the tribe together and kept the babies alive. The men, less wired with such connections, were more apt to hunt and to fight, and this reflects contemporary culture as well. Because of evolution, love addiction is more pronounced for lesbians. The doctor feels that’s the distinction from gay male sex addiction and straight sex addiction. “Lesbians are wired for love and sex, but it’s a spiritual journey as well,” Dr. Costine contended. “I’ve worked with women with sexual compulsions, but most of the time I find it’s connected to a compulsion with love, either the high of falling in love or an addiction to being in a relationship. I personally relate because I’m a survivor of love addiction and it was unmanageable for me. For some, including myself, it became a chronic problem, a pattern that kept repeating.” She explained how relationship compulsions create misery,

but clarified the objective isn’t to remove love. Relationship addictions are process addictions, not substance addictions, like heroin. For example, a recovering heroin addict strives to never use heroin again. However in love addiction, you don’t remove the thing that you’ve lost control of. You bring it back, but only after those addicted are sufficiently healed. From a male perspective, I believe the doctor makes a salient argument but something troubles me. In contending that men and women are so fundamentally different, is she not reinforcing a form of heteronormativity, the very mindset that’s so damaged the LGBT community with the Defense of Marriage Act and “One Man/One Woman” rhetoric? Furthermore, I don’t believe men are on a less spiritual journey than women in the quest for love. When men are equally liberated and break the shackles of societal expectations, the myth of what it means to be a man, I believe the male spiritual journey for love will be equally profound. All humanity suffers a degree of love compulsion, gay, lesbian and heterosexual. We’re more alike than not, and love addiction moves every saint and sinner. There are few, more inspiring feelings than tumbling into love. But flip the coin and the most heinous acts result from love denied or love twisted to excess. Regardless, Dr. Costine created a thought-provoking platform and I believe her greatest talent is in connecting the dots. Theology (Dr. Costine has a bachelor’s in religious studies), history, physiology, psychology and sociology intermingle to a specific end. She takes truths, re-examines and perhaps, repurposes those truths to create an interesting hypothesis. “Lesbian Love Addiction” shines a light on a particular manifestation of humanity and in better understanding that perspective; we’re all positioned to better understand ourselves. Clearly, whether it’s ancient Vikings, pre-Christian patriarchs, contemporary talk show hosts fretting about femi-nazis or presidential contenders wallowing in sexist slurs, the modern feminist has an ancient torch to bear. Dr. Costine is a gifted speaker, writer and philosopher and her work will continue to generate both heat and light. —Kurt Niece is a freelance writer who focuses on entertainment on all viewing platforms. You can reach him at kurtniece@

Los Angeles-based Dr. Lauren Costine, a psychologist, has written several books. (Courtesy the author)

GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016




GAY SAN DIEGO April 29 - May 12, 2016 FROM PAGE 1




30 30 Celebrity Celebrity Impersonations Impersonations In In Ninety Ninety Minutes Minutes

BonnieTuesday, Kilroe May 3

and one of its two openly gay members, recently remarked that the band has found ways to shine a light on the LGBT community. Several years ago, they visited The Trevor Project during the filming of “Sing-Off.” “The organization is a very important foundation that has helped a lot of kids,” Grassi said, adding that one of the ways PTX supports LGBT equality is by being frank and honest with fans. “We want to be open as individuals,” he said. “Because of freedom of speech, we can be public about our feelings and current events. We want to be open when interacting with fans.” Working with the group has had a positive impact on Grassi’s life. “It certainly taught me work ethic and responsibility,” he said. “I also try to give back to the people

who appreciate and like us.” Grassi said he is very touched by how some a capella singers have been influenced by PTX. “I really think it’s awesome when college singers tell us that they started a group because of the band,” he said. “When we can inspire something like that, it’s the best feeling in the world.” Readers might also know Grassi from a comedy YouTube series he created with Hoying, the other gay member of the group, called Superfruit. They previously filmed Broadway-style renditions of hip-hop tunes, a medley of “Frozen” musical numbers and a Miley Cyrus tribute called, “Evolution of Miley Cyrus.” He offered fans a hint regarding a potential future skit. “Hoying and I were just talking about a funny idea inspired by a James Corden sketch,” Grassi said. “In case it’s online, I won’t ruin what happens for followers.” A tune the music star said he really enjoyed performing recently was “No” by Meghan Trainor. “We wanted to sing that single for a while,” he said. “The style of the music really fits our style well.” Although Grassi has already performed many singles that he loves, one he hopes PTX can sing in the future is the Twenty One Pilots rap-rock melody, “Stressed Out.” “That song is humongous,” he said. “I think we can do that one pretty well.” After the tour is over in August, Grassi said PTX plans to focus on some new projects together.

“We are probably going to release a new EP this year,” he said. “We do want to work on a new full-length album in 2017.” Covering everything from pop to electronic music, San Diegans are in for a special night. Grassi, Hoying, Maldonado and the rest of the crew are ready for a joyous celebration of music. Pentatonix will be performing May 3 at SDSU’s CalCoast Credit Union Open Air Theatre, located at 5500 Aztec Walk in the College Area. For tickets or more information, visit or call 619-594-0429. —A fan of film and theater from a very young age, David Dixon has written reviews and features for various print and online publications. You can reach him at daviddixon0202@gmail. com.v

Powerhouse Powerhouse Vocalist Vocalist From From Broadway Broadway && The The Voice Voice

FrenchieThursday, Davis May 5

Pentatonix is (l to r) Avi Kaplan (bass); Mitch Grassi (tenor); Scott Hoying (baritone); Kristin Maldonado (mezza-soprano); and Kevin Olusola (cello)

Emmy Emmy Award-Winner Award-Winner && Tony Tony Award-Nominee Award-Nominee

Liz Callaway Tuesday, May 10

Award-winning Live Singing/Comedic Drag Performer

Sherry Vine

Thursday, Thursday, May May 12 12

Grammy-nominated Local Jazz Favorite

Sacha Boutros Thursday, May 19

The The Incredible Incredible Duo Duo Returns ReturnsTo To MA4! MA4!

Amy & Freddy

Wednesday, May 25 & Thursday, May 26

Tickets & Info MA4SD.COM 3940 Fourth Avenue . Second Floor San Diego, CA 92103 . 619.400.4500

(Courtesy JUCCO)

Gay san diego 04 29 16  
Gay san diego 04 29 16