AwareNow: Issue 19: The Source Edition

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Page 113



A B E G I N N I N G O F P E R S O N A L AWA R E N E S S In the journey of life we all experience many challenges and issues in different ways.

For some of us it creates chaos, confusion, feeling lost or depression.

In my journey as a gay man who was born in Iran and got HIV in his 20’s, I wasn’t an exception. I have experienced many of those issues that built up against me to destroy the real image that I couldn't accept or live with.

Having to battle with myself helped me a lot. I got to know myself better through those challenges, surrender to myself and become closer to who I truly am. It wasn't easy or comfortable, but it was worth it. It took over 10 years to become open to myself and see me as I am.

Awareness begins with having a sense of surrendering to all that is happening for me. When I just stop thinking and start realizing that there must be a reason that this is happening to me, I find there is always a deeper meaning in every issue.

“Without experiencing challenges, we don’t get the tools that we need for our journey.”

When I heard that I was HIV positive, that was the moment I felt my life was ending and there was no hope for me to make my dreams come true. There were strong emotional reactions where I viewed myself as a big problem or a big mistake. I felt cursed in my life and that this was my punishment. It took a lot of time to feel different about it. But life doesn’t go as planned. It goes in the way it should when we are ready to experience it. So when things go wrong or not in a way we want, the universe has another plan for us, to teach us a bigger lesson and to make us even stronger. Without experiencing challenges, we don’t get the tools that we need for our journey. Every challenge and issue has face provides us with many tools to help us to go further down our path.

We are living in a world where we all have the ability of choice. It is up to us how to react with the right choice, as we are guided. By becoming aware of ourselves, noticing that nothing is a coincidence, we all have a purpose in this life and a role to play.

So, what should I do when I have an issue? What should I do when the circumstance takes me out of my comfort zone and the issue scares me and makes me question my capacity to handle it?

By ‘accepting’ it, we allow ourselves to find an easy way to handle it. We give ourselves space to see and understand the different aspects of the issue. We gain a better perspective of the message. I can receive it as a sign sent to help me find where this is taking me and why I’m attracting this into my life. There is no space for blaming someone or something. It was meant to happen and we always have the ability to make the choice of how to react to it.

I believe whatever happens to us is because we are ready to experience it, it happens because of our growth and the issues we overcome to create a new skin and remove the old one. That’s why it’s painful. That’s why it takes us out of our comfort zone, because without leaving our comfort zone which is our old skin we are not able to expand our life and grow into it. 113 AWARENOW / THE SOURCE EDITION