AU S T I N
W I D E MAY/JUNE 2006
O P E N
ENTERTAINMENT ARTS HEALTH LIFESTYLE
Quantum-level SCIO technology measures stress areas in the body and delivers therapies that will help neutralize and balance destructive wave frequencies. ELIMINATE EMOTIONAL BLOCKAGES PROMOTE OPTIMUM HEALTH Providing a full-body analysis of all major body systems, including: • Nutritional Deficiencies • Hydration and oxygenation levels • Location of toxins, fungi, viruses, bacteria, and parasites
THURSDAY, JUNE 8, 7:30 PM: Melissa Rogers of Pathways Unlimited will demonstrate the SCIO unit at Peoples Pharmacy South, with an emphasis on increasing performance levels in sports and athletics and making a quicker and easier recovery from injuries. The Peoples Pharmacy South Speaker Series is held in the back meeting room of Peoples South at 3801 S. Lamar, just north of Ben White Blvd.
SCIO technology can speed up the healing time for injuries and develop optimum performance levels in all sports and athletic activities, even while competing. See our article in the GOING WIDE OPEN section of this issue.
Experience the ultimate computer virus scan for the human body (512) 608-3550 Cell (512) 374-9955 Office 9070 Research Blvd. Austin, Texas (Corner of 183 & Burnet Rd.) Melissa Rogers Certified Bio-Feedback Therapist
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AUSTIN WIDE OPEN ENTERTAINMENT MAGAZINE LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:
publisher Renee Judkins 512-825-8102 editor Michael Abedin 512-363-2950 photo of Kris Kristofferson on cover B.N. Pictures • Benny & Nancy Jay Photography/Videos • 512-343-8408 firstname.lastname@example.org
Kris, Kinky, Chinese characters, the Nobel Prize, and Spam… all in Austin, and all in the May/June issue of Austin Wide Open. Look for our partner publication, Austin All Natural, coming next month. A full-color glossy, bimonthly magazine covering holistic, complimentary, and mainstream health and fitness, along with environmental issues, nutrition, and cuttingedge technology, and it’s all Austin… naturally. This isn’t “I Learned the Twelve Healing Secrets of the Mayans on a UFO with Elvis” (although if that can be documented…). We’re talking drug-free treatment for ADD, cold laser dentistry, and, in June, a focus on something immediate and compelling… outrageously expensive gasoline, and what the alternatives are.
Austin Wide Open ©Copyright 2006. All rights reserved. The information in this publication is believed to be accurate, and Austin Wide Open will not be held liable for the performance of goods and services provided by advertisers and any other portion of this publication. 10,000 issues distributed bimonthly to areas in and around Austin.
www.austinwideopen.com photo by Renee Judkins
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Come see how the latest techniques and state-of-the-art technology can reduce stress and improve mental and physical health. Services include: Chiropractic and Body work from Dr. Kelli Jordan • Ion Detoxification Dry Hydrotherapy Massage • Aroma/Oxygen Therapy • Jade Thermal Massage Light and Sound Therapy • Alkaline Water Therapy Included
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L I NEU P
Kris Kristofferson SpammapS the palindrome page 4
Reel Wide Open j Turk Pipkin: Nobelity
Feeling Wide Open Stress Busters Life Coaching Zen Zone The Smile of Your Dreams Sneezin’ Season The Smarter Brain Lab
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Seen Wide Open
Living Wide Open It’s the Little Things Woof! What’s for Dinner
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Going Wide Open
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From the Horse’s Mouth
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KRIS... (and the news) a review by Michael Abedin
“This Old Road”
few decades ago, this country was stuck in an unpopular war in a distant land, with a president who Photography by Mary Ellen Mark and Design by Katherine Delaney was spying on his own citizens and lying about it. Folk and rock music expressed the outrage and frustration that ended the war and the presidency, but country music, with the exception of Johnny Cash, stuck to Okie from Muskogee. Some things have changed, however. Ask Willie, Steve Earle… or Natalie Maines, whose apologies for Dub and his war led to death threats and radio boycotts. (The new Dixie Chicks CD has a scathing comeback by Maines called I’m Not Ready to Make Nice.)
How’d this happen, what went wrong? Don’t blame God, I swear to God I heard him say,
“Not in my name, not on my ground,
I want nothing but the ending of this war. No more killing, or it’s over, And the mystery won’t matter anymore.” “In the News” Kris Kristofferson 4
If you want to know what a songwriter and Rhodes scholar pushing seventy has to say about current events, pick up Kris Kristofferson’s new CD released back in March, called This Old Road. Kristofferson
the other. They became friends, and Cash, no stranger to controversy, got him on stage at the Newport Folk Festival. Hang on, because this gets cosmic… Newport was also where Bob Dylan, another of Cash’s buddies, scandalized the folk world in 1965 by plugging in an electric guitar. (If you saw Dylan in San Antonio in April, wearing a black cowboy hat and doing things to vowels that didn’t seem possible, you can appreciate the wisdom of that decision.) His opening act was none other than that ol’ Okie From Muskogee, Merle Haggard, who had some choice comments awhile back about John Ashcroft and civil liberties. No one, however, threatened The Hag or banned his songs. Meanwhile, back at the Kristofferson CD… this is vintage stuff, just Kris and his guitar with minimal accompaniment, and it’s some of his best work. The second cut, Pilgrim‘s Progress (from The Pilgrim, Chapter 33, on his second album) starts out, "Am I young enough, to
...this is vintage stuff, just Kris and his guitar with minimal accompaniment, and it’s some of his best work. got some of his biggest breaks after Johnny Cash listened to his songs, but what’s not widely known, according to an old Texas Monthly article by Gary Cartwright, is that Kris landed an oil company helicopter in Cash’s backyard with a beer in one hand and a bunch of tapes in
believe in revolution…" , and the answers obvious on Wild American, a roll call of untamed individuals like American Indian activist John Trudell, Steve Earle, and a few other people who’d better watch their backs… including Merle Haggard. In the News, quoted at the
This isn’t just a protest album, though. There’s a song or two about love (on more than one level), one piece that’s so vintage it’s from his seventies album Border Lord (Burden of Freedom), and some songs about music, musicians, and the road. Then there’s Chase the Feeling, which starts out with a whispered "One, two, three, four", followed by one of those dark, snaky bass lines that means troubles ahead. Kris blows his harp and boogies through lyrics that you suspect might be a touch autobiographical: "And you got loaded again. Ain’t you handsome when you’re high. Nothing matters…chase the feeling ’til you die." Kris Kristofferson ain’t dead. These are the songs of a man who seems mildly surprised and infinitely thankful that he went through what he did and came out on the other side happy because "there wasn’t nothing else to do", a man who’s at a stage in his life where he doesn’t have to suffer fools lightly, a man who did a grueling round of awards shows and appearances during SXSW with a genuine smile on his face. One of those appearances was at Hill’s Café for an affair honoring him, Freddy Powers, and Sonny Throckmorton, and he sang two songs. The first was Bobby McGee, and the second was To Beat the Devil, a song he wrote for Cash about a lonely singer who meets the devil in a Nashville bar, and may or may not have beat him. He drank the devil’s beer for nothing, though. Then he stole his song.
CD Cover: Photography by Mary Ellen Mark and Design by Katherine Delaney
beginning of this article, will raise hairs on your neck.
Isn’t this the year to start feeling young again? As experts in anti-aging medicine, we can help. If you want health beyond the expected, you must go beyond the expected health care. We can help both men and women turn back the clock. We recreate the metabolism you had when you were young by rebalancing the hormones that are out of balance and replacing those that are deficient using bioidentical hormones. Then by discovering the nutrients your body needs to function as it once did, we teach you how to replace them. You will return to the energy and passion of life, saying, I remember this.
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KINKY Chronicles (Part Two)
everal times a year, the planet Mercury appears to move backwards in its orbit, and goes into a three week period of what astrologers call retrograde. Mercury is the guy with the winged sandals, the messenger of the gods that governs communications-especially those involving electronics. During this time, communications are, to put it in layman’s terms, screwed. If you’re scoffing, think back to March 3-25. How’d your cell phone, computer, etc., do? Any problems checking your email… hmm?
Singer, songwriter, author KINKY FRIEDMAN & friend. 6
story by Michael Abedin photos by Brian Kanof What, you might be wondering, does any of this have to do with Kinky Friedman’s ongoing march to the governorship of Texas? Several things, actually, but first it should be pointed out that Mercury goes retrograde two more times this year, so if you buy the premise but don’t want to know when it happens, hoping you can avoid it, then don’t read any further. IT’S JULY 5th THROUGH 29th, AND OCTOBER 29th THROUGH NOVEMBER 18th! (Sorry.) The Greeks called Mercury Hermes, and he pops up in Homeric epics right when things are looking pretty weird. (You’re living with a sorceress on the Isle of Calypso, and she’s just turned your crew into pigs, that sort of thing.) Problem is, there’s this hint that he might have instigated some these problems to begin with, which is a pretty good metaphor for the campaign of a guy who promises to make people look at things they’d rather not… like the fact that there’s a slaughterhouse southeast of Dallas sending horsemeat to Europe for human consumption, and they’re rounding up and killing some of the last of the wild American mustangs. That aside, for the moment, our March/April issue featured Kinky as our cover boy and there were a couple of itty-bitty errata (love that word) that could only be attributed to a backwards planet. First, the excellent photographs of the Kinkster failed to be credited to George Brainard, and the phone number for Kinky World Headquarters was incorrectly listed… (512) 326-5465 is the correct number. The wrong number turned out, fortunately, to be the number of a Kinky supporter who referred callers to Kinky World HQ. (He’s been sent an
autographed copy of the magazine, and Kinky’s blessings as a good American and a great Texan.) Follow Kinky around, and you see things like that all the time. On a Sunday afternoon in March, just before a benefit gig at Antone’s with Bruce Robison, the Flatlanders, and none other than Ramblin’ Jack Elliot, Kinky is in (as he would say) a mild snit. Straight out of a power nap, someone in his campaign has suggested that he not put forth the Five Mexican Generals solution to illegal immigration when he does a live interview on Fox News that night. (Take five Mexican generals, give them each a section of the border and a million dollars in escrow. Every time an illegal gets through, that general loses five grand.) "I could do that twenty-five times on Fox News, and people would love it. Even Hispanics love it." The only way to get instant updates on Kinky’s thoughts is to listen to him answer his cell phone, which announces calls with a pleasant snatch of a Viennese waltz. Regarding Max Soffar, a man recently sentenced to death for a murder that Kinky’s convinced he didn’t commit, a man whose sentence Kinky would immediately commute as governor: "How many rich men have been executed in the state of Texas… or in the United States? I’ll tell you how many-- none!" Regarding a conversation with a lifelong Republican, who’s giving Kinky his vote: "This guy tells me that I’ve got to be willing and able to offend people, because that’s what Texas needs, someone who’s not afraid to offend people." Regarding the slaughterhouse thing: "The mayor of Kaufman, Texas called me and asked if there was anything I could do
about this, because it’s been going on for twenty-five years and even the people in the town don’t want it ." He quotes a line from a song quoted by his campaign PR guy, Jason Hardison, who has a nickname (better left unprinted) that has to do with certain anatomical parts of barnyard fowl: "Save a horse… ride a cowboy." The Antone’s gig goes smoothly; even Ramblin’ Jack stays pretty sober. Kinky and the last active member of the legendary Texas Jewboys, L’il Jewford, work the crowd like a pair of old vaudevillians, and Kinky steps outside to puff on a Havana when a tall, distinguished gentlemen wishes him luck. "What’d you say your name was?" Kinky asks, and the guy replies, "Clive Cussler." Kinky turns on a dime and does a cartoon double take, and pretty soon, he’s introducing the bestselling author and shipwreck hunter onstage. Cussler soaks it up, endorses Kinky, then it’s time to head for the Fox interview. Jewford drives down Congress, where a makeup girl is waiting to prep Kinky for his live interview while New York mayor Michael Bloomberg (or someone who looks a whole lot like him) explains that immigration’s a serious problem, because without immigrants, who’ll take care of the fairways on our golf courses? Incredibly, the woman from Fox leads with that by asking, "Do you play golf, Kinky?" He doesn’t miss a beat…"The only two good balls I ever hit were when I stepped on a garden rake." (No mention of Mexican generals.) Fox has a Dynasty cast reunion coming up: "Ever watch Dynasty, Kinky?" "If someone held a gun to my head." There’s a question about Barry Bonds and steroids, (definitely a compelling issue in a state governor’s race), and then Kinky makes her listen: "There’s a town called Kaufman, southeast of Dallas, where they’re slaughtering wild American mustangs…" On the way back to Antone’s, Jewford swings past the Governor’s Mansion on Lavaca. "There’s your new digs, Kinky. Just think, in a few months, there’ll be loud music, wild parties, naked people passed out on the lawn." Kinky chuckles. First, though, there’s the matter of 45,000 plus signatures to get on the ballot (or about a hundred thousand, for insurance). Next, there’s a few million to raise for TV ads, so that folks in the hinterlands can hear the message. Then there’s the general election in November… right square in the middle of Mercury in retrograde. Hermes should be very busy. At press time, polls by the Wall Street Journal and San Antonio Business Journal were showing incredible numbers for Kinky, Sen. John McCain promised him a fundraiser, and they’re still killing horses in Kaufman. If you want to follow Kinky’s campaign, learn more about "the issues", sign a petition, or buy something, go to www.kinkyfriedman.com or call (512) 326-5465.