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I was really trying to create two inherently flawed characters within one person. The main detective has a multiple personalities and they both play at once, but they aren’t aware of the other. He has gaps in his memories and his detective personality isn’t quite as bad as a murderer but it’s very ignorant. No matter which side of the rope he’s on he’s flawed and ignorant in noticeable ways. He’s either a crazy and self-obsessed murderer or a arrogant self-obsessed detective. I tried to work in pop culture references of things I see sometimes and I don’t like. They are pretty easy to spot. I added things to paragraphs to try and add clarity to the story and make the transitions between personalities more clear. I originally intended for the paper to be confusing so that it would need to be read twice and that made things 10x harder on me. I’m not sure why I thought it would be a good idea but now I’m having to go back and replace all of the confusing bits and alter the story a bit even. After working out several kinks and spending some time editing more of the text I think I’ve at least made it less confusing. Now I’m trying to delete some of the pointless narrative I tried to use for character development and I’m going to replace it with more descriptive language. I probably should have just followed the prompt more closely and gone with a boring story about looking at fireworks or water. I could have just closely described things from a boring event in the past until it was more than played out and have gotten an easy A. I tried to create a story from a useless conversation I had with friends and I’m sort of realizing ENC1101 really isn’t about being creative it’s more about following a prompt. Which is not to say you can’t be creative, I just did poorly to begin with.

Lunch Time at Barnaby Willows Revised Paper Memo/Revision  
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