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Tuesday, 27 August 2013 | | Volume 21 | Issue 1

Portrait of an Artist

Verge discusses creative passions with artist and UCC graduate Alan Hurley

UCC expand Freshers events amid calendar pinch Heather Steele| Deputy News Editor @Heatherysteele

Collegiate Conversion: Newly appointed Director of Sport and Physical Activity for UCC, former Ireland rugby coach Declan Kidney.

Kidney appointed to direct college sport Stephen Barry | News Editor @StphnBarry


ormer Munster and Ireland rugby coach Declan Kidney has taken up the role of UCC’s Director of Sport and Physical Activity, commencing this September. The Ballincollig native returns to his alma mater to replace Christine O’Donovan who had fulfilled the post for the past 27 years and will be charged with overseeing the promotion, development and management of UCC sport, its scholarship schemes and its outdoor facilities. He will also advise and assist the Clubs Executive and monitor their finances. Kidney comes into the role based upon his work as Ireland’s most decorated rugby coach, having led his country to its second ever Grand Slam in 2009 as well as coaching Munster to four Heineken Cup finals,

winning two. He was named the International Rugby Board’s Coach of the Year in 2009 while on a national level he picked up the Phillips Sports Manager of the Year award on three occasions. However he was sacked by the IRFU in April after narrowly avoiding the wooden spoon in the 6 Nations. The 53-year old is keen to not alone aid the development of UCC’s elite athletes in his new post but also to grow the recreational side of sport from his Mardyke base. “I am really looking forward to working with the staff in the Department of Sport and Physical Activity, and to learn from the coaches and managers of the sixty clubs that, at present, are in existence in UCC. “I firmly believe in a holistic approach to education and see physical activity, be it at the highest elite level or participating just for fun, to be an

integral part of this experience”. Kidney’s coaching career began in the nearby Presentation Brothers secondary school where he gained experience in education as an accounting and mathematics teacher and a careers guidance officer. Previously he studied Commerce in UCC, before graduating with a Higher Diploma in Education in 1983. He was granted an Alumnus Achievement Award by the college in 2008. In his new role, Kidney will report to the Head of the Student Experience Dr. Ian Pickup, himself a former rugby professional, who accentuated Kidney’s high level sporting experience: “We pride ourselves on providing a world class student experience at UCC and Declan brings a wealth of world class experience to this role. “We encourage all of our students to embrace the healthy mind, healthy body philosophy and UCC is fast

developing a programme that offers something for everyone. “I have no doubt that Declan will provide exceptional leadership in all areas and at all levels of sport development, and we are very excited about UCC’s sporting future.” Kidney enters the role after some major sporting developments have occurred in UCC, with the college having invested €10 million in the Mardyke Arena, including the opening of the new Mardyke Pavilion and the Sonia O’Sullivan Athletics Track. He will now be involved in the college’s plans to develop a centre of excellence for sport at a site in Curraheen, near to the existing Farm sports grounds. The vision for this site includes world-class grass and all-weather pitches, modern changing rooms and indoor support facilities.

This September sees a cohort of 3,500 new students begin in UCC. The group will take part in an expanded range of introductory initiatives fitted into a shorter orientation period. This year sees a condensed Freshers’ Fest due to the introduction of semesterisation. However Nóirín Deady, First Year Experience Coordinator, is confident that students will still get a full and rounded introduction to life at UCC. “An earlier start means that we have fewer days to allocate to orientation. But we see orientation as a process, not an event, so supports and new initiatives will continue to be introduced both centrally and at college level in order to ensure the successful progression of all first year students.” Once orientation is over there will be plenty of other tools available to students to ensure their first year at UCC is a success. “Once students have settled in and feel that they belong in UCC, other issues evolve so the focus of our interventions shifts. We are currently expanding the availability of workshops – from time management, budgeting, information literacy, study skills, exam techniques, academic writing and referencing critical analysis. We want to ensure that students get information and develop skills at appropriate times throughout their first year.” In addition, if students find they are in the wrong course, help is available. “In 2012 we introduced a new first year transfer policy. Almost 40 students changed to a different degree programme within the first few weeks. We hope to continue to facilitate students who find themselves in the wrong degree programme, but students should contact me as soon as possible to discuss their options.”

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Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS


“These are the days”


Feel Fresh, A-Z of UCC O’Sullivan not Freshers’ Grace & Claire Crowley have you covered Flu! Gearóidín in their A-Z of McEvoy has some vital tips on surviving the Fest.

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Scholar Style Picture Perfect Nicole Clinton helps you create the perfect college wardrobe

Emmet Curtin showcases the campus highlights for the coming year

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Céad Míle Fáilte Horgan happy Rachel Ní hAodha introduces UCC’s at Cork bilingual side. City

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Sports Editor Kevin Galvin speaks to Cork City FC’s Daryl Horgan.

Features 4-7 Gaeilge 08 Photography 09 Fashion 10-11 The New Corker 12 Colour Writing 13 Sport 14-15

Editorial Staff:


Editor: Audrey Ellard Walsh

Annie Hoey

Deputy Editor: Stephen Barry

Kate Nora Dennison

Deputy News Editor: Heather Steele

Gearóidín McEvoy

Features Editor: Grace O’ Sullivan Deputy Features Editor: Elaine Crowley Photo Editor: Emmet Curtin Irish Editor: Rachel Ní hAodha Fashion Editor: Nicole Clinton Fiction Editor: Eoghan Scott Sport Editor: Kevin Galvin Deputy Sport Editor: Barry Aldworth Designer: Cathal O’ Gara


“These years will be amazing if you allow them to be.”


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Audrey Ellard Walsh | Editor

Ryan Gallagher Marita Maloney Eoghan Scott Ruth Lawlor Liam Doherty

Welcome reader. You hold in your hands a brand new, revamped version of the UCC Express. Along with an overall design change we have this year developed ‘Verge’ as a standalone pullout Entertainment section. Over the coming year we will be your informed and unbiased eyes and ears for campus news, sport, culture and entertainment. The Express has a proud tradition and many of our alumni have gone onto work in local and national print and broadcast journalism. Former editors include Irish Independent Political Editor, Fionnán Sheehan and Evening Echo News Editor, Mary Smithwick. Through the experience that I have gained with the Express to date I have managed to land a dream internship with the Irish Examiner and many of our editors freelance for local and national print and online publications. If you aspire for a career in media then getting involved with us is the first step. We provide mentor-

ing and training to all our writers as well as the opportunity to have your voice heard on the issues that matter most to you.

If you have an inkling that you may like to write for us please don’t hesitate to get in touch. You can email me at editor@uccexpress. ie or come speak to us at Societies Day to find out more about what it’s like to be involved in a student newspaper. As a UCC student, the UCC Express is your paper and as it’s Editor I look to you for guidance. So even if your journo senses aren’t quite tingling yet, I hope that you engage with us via our Facebook page;, Twitter account; @UCCExpress, website; and share your opinions through our newly introduced letters page. Now for perhaps some advice as is traditional in a Freshers’ Issue editorial. As a former Fresher myself it helps that I like to think I know a thing or two about this college lark. UCC even gave me a degree for my troubles. Moving from a tiny secondary school to a city where I knew almost no-one was daunting. Sitting in a lecture hall with 400 other First English students was even more-so. I had a choice. I could sit in my room, trudging my way through ‘Titus Andronicus’ or I could go out and make friends.

(At this juncture may I say, it helps to do the required reading, but all things in good measure.) I decided to jump headfirst into UCC’s social life and that meant joining clubs and societies. It was through extra-curricular activities that I met the friends I have to this day. I travelled, learned new skills, broadened my mindset, got over a fear of public speaking, packed out my CV, and most importantly discovered what it is I really want to do with my life. When I walked through UCC’s Gaol Cross gates for the first time five years ago I honestly didn’t really know what I wanted from my degree. I was just delighted to have made it that far. Now as I get set to complete a Masters, I know that I have so much more to thank this University for than a parchment and some letters after my name. UCC has set me on course to do whatever I choose, and it will for you too if you make the most of the opportunities that are available here. Push yourself to try new thingsyou truly don’t know what you will end up loving until you give everything a go. Reject former advice by making an effort to speak to strangers- they could be your new best friends. Most of all, enjoy it. These years will be amazing if you allow them to be. They will also be over before you realise it.

Another Welcome

Stephen Barry | Deputy Editor


Well – how are you going? Good, good. Right… So how do we do this? Well I’m told this is an editorial and I have to file 500 words of copy for this section; so let’s get this started, and then finished, very quickly… As this is the Freshers issue, I am supposed to welcome you all to UCC and the Express – so welcome! It’s probably already been said above by Audrey but as her deputy I would like to fully, and in a legally-binding manner, endorse everything she says as well as everything she will say in the future or has said previously. I believe I should also attempt to corral some of you into contributing to this fine publication – as Freshers I can assume that you guys are under the assumption that people actually read this rag. So please ignore the quality of this editorial and write for us – after all, it would result in fewer pages filled with my illiteracy. To be fair I actually mean that one – no, not

the illiteracy part; I am an award winning (student) journalist – I meant the write for us bit… Having you guys write for us would mean less slack for me to pick up. And it could be a good thing for you guys too… I just started writing for the sport section because I liked writing about sport, and now the Examiner pay me to do the same

“I don’t mean to

be flippant really – I genuinely don’t care! ”

thing I enjoy doing and used do for free on a regular basis. Plus my involvement with the paper has made me entirely more employable (generally being able to convince your potential employer that you can read and write is a good thing) whether I go into journalism, or economics, or rocket science, or brain surgery. Maybe not for abattoir work though – they just slice and dice, slice and dice (I could’ve probably done a better line there, but I just looked up the A to Z list

of careers and stopped at the first suitable one: the first one). I don’t really have any more words of welcome or encouragement to give to you guys, and certainly not anything that you won’t hear a million times: join a society, write for the paper, run for a position, write for the paper, go to your class parties, write for the news section of the paper… I don’t mean to be flippant really – I genuinely don’t care! But seriously, I should at least apologise for succumbing to the Express tradition of writing a last minute editorial and adding my own twist to tradition by watching Modern Family episodes while typing. Alright – this car crash of an editorial has become so bad it could be an RSA commercial; how to tie this all up? Maybe a quote from Phil Dunphy’s Book of Phil’s-osophy will make up for it? “You only get one chance at a first impression. I suggest Julia Child because it’s easy to do.” To be honest, I should have probably saved the Julia Child jokes for our Matures issue.


UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013


…glad you’re never going to hear that dreaded sentence again? Well, here in the Students’ Union we cannot guarantee that you won’t live with some prankster housemate who likes to cruelly play tapes from the Irish aural around the house for sadistic pleasure. What we can guarantee, however, is that you have made the best decision of your life to come here to UCC! My name is Annie Hoey and I am the SU Deputy President and Campaigns Officer. I, along with the rest of the team: Podge, Gavin, Kirby and David, have been working hard all summer preparing events such as Freshers’ Week, R&G Week, SHAG Week, Mental Wellbeing Week, Healthy Body Healthy Mind Week, and a whole lot more! Our Ents Officer, James Murray, has been working his little socks off to ensure that UCC has some of the best entertainment of any campus this year. Along with the Sabbatical Team and the Ents Officer, the part time officers have ben preparing for the busy year ahead and making sure they are up to scratch with all the academic issues that you may face over the year. During Orientation and the beginning of term, you will meet your College Rep and later on in the term, when they are elected (it could be YOU by the way!!), you will meet your Class Rep. I have bombarded you with so many people, groups and roles and that is all without mentioning the Equality Team, Media Executive, Societies Guild, Clubs Executive… the list goes on and on. So as you can see, there is a huge range of people who have been working behind the scenes before you even stepped through the arch! UCC has so much to offer you as a student. There are so many clubs and societies for you to join, places for you to explore your creative writing skills, ways for you to meet new friends, and volunteering positions you can take up. UCC is a wealth of opportunity and learning, both within the classroom and outside. Here in the SU we try to provide you with top notch entertainment, ensure your safety and wellbeing, offer you pastoral care, speak out and campaign on your behalf, make sure you are satisfied with the academic education you receive here, and do numerous other things to try and make sure that you have the best time here in UCC as possible. In order for the SU to function at its best, there is one key thing that we require: YOU. We need you, as a UCC student, to engage and participate. The SU is only as strong as its members, and if we have no active members, then there is not a lot we can do! So how can you get involved in the SU? Lots of ways: run for class rep, run for ents rep, join the SU Crew, get involved in a campaign, come to Student Council and give out to us (or not. I don’t mind. In fact I would prefer it if you didn’t. But no biggie if you do) or even just call into our offices for a chat. We want to do the best we can for you. Your time in UCC will be one of the best experiences of your life, but it may not always be easy. There will be times when things go wrong- you miss an assignment deadline, you sleep through an exam, you can’t pay your rent on time, you are missing class because you have to work to put yourself through college, there is an illness in your family or worse still a death of a loved one. And that is where we come in too. We don’t only deal with the fun stuff- the parties and the big protests on the streets. We are here to deal and help as best we can with the day to day issues that every student faces. Our Education Officer can assist you with any academic queries that you have, and our Welfare Officer is here to help you with any personal issues. No issue is too big or too small to come through our doors. We will always welcome you and we will always ALWAYS endeavor to do our best for you. There are going to be some tough issues facing students this year: cuts in the Budget, cost of attending third level education soaring, resources being

Léigh anois na treoracha agus na ceisteanna a gabhann le cuid A

stretched to the limit, and a whole myriad of other issues. But we, as a union, can stand up together, and help each other. How can you help, I hear you say? One of the Big Things we have planned for this year is the National Day of Action on October 1st. The National Day of Action is a USI led protest that will happen in various regions around the country. The protest is about highlighting the inequalities facing not only students but other sectors of society too. Cuts in the Budget affect teachers, doctors, engineers, street sweepers, pensioners, farmers, children, the sick, and our families. We need to all come together on October 1st and let our Government know that we have had enough. We, and every other sector of society has had enough. In the lead up to this protest, the SU will be immersing campus with information on how to get involved and what is happening. Students from all other third level institutions in the region will be joining us: Limerick, Carlow, Tralee and Waterford. CIT and UCC will be hosting one of the biggest student led protests seen in the south. And we want you to be a part of it. So come to the information evening. Tell us what you want us to do. Call into our offices and let us know your own personal story about how austerity and cuts have affected you. Make a banner. Put it on your Facebook status. Tweet about it. Bring your friends. Bring your Granny! Whatever you do, don’t turn around and say that cuts and austerity are not affecting you. Yes they are and it is your responsibility to come out with us and make sure that the Government know that we won’t stand for it anymore! Ok, phew, I got a little over-excited there. It is just, you know, Campaigns and protests are my thing (cool or what??) So basically, to sum up what I am saying about the SU and what we do: we are here for you the student. We have already put a summer of blood, sweat and tears (well not so much blood. And the sweat is from that heat wave. And the tears? Well sometimes Podge is mean to Gavin and he gets a bit sniffly. But they make up. Bro lovin’ and all that) into ensuring you have the best entertainments, campaigns and free condoms as is possible. But the year is only beginning and we would love to have you on board. Email us, join Student Council, run for Class Rep, and do All Of The Things to get involved. You have been given such a wonderful opportunity to study here in UCC, so grab this opportunity with both hands and milk it for all its worth. College years are only the best years of your life if you make them that. Feel free to drop any of us an email: Podge Haughney – Annie Hoey – David Berry – Owen Kirby – Gavin Lynch-Frahill –

Good luck!!

AZ 4

Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS






Okay you’re in college – you’re not borrowing an ID from your sister, best friend, or neighbour whom you look nothing like anymore. You can legally buy alcohol – made craic, right? Well, yes, I’m sure you don’t need a lecture on being safe, and not talking to strangers (well, too strange) – as you didn’t make it to college solely on your good looks. Just know the one that really is one too many – or expensive as you have to eat too.


Now I’m not saying you’re going to blow all your money, erm, I actually am. Freshers’ week can be an expensive time for all – especially when your Freshers’ week virginity is still intact. Take it from a seasoned/pickled final year – take aways, taxis and Tubourg are expensive commodities – so perhaps the Eurosaver menu is the way forward and try to eat the freebies on campus.



Yes, I’m going to go all Irish Mammy on your ass now – Hypocritical you say? Undoubtedly! Look, just take it easy, try your best to head off to the lectures, who knows you may even take something in – with the help of God, or osmosis.


DTs is short for Delirium Tremens. Google it. Have a glass of water, eat a fry, bun burger, and the cure – we all have our little tricks that’ll cure the sick stomach. They do say prevention is better than the cure, granted they also say pigs will fly. Just remember an extra shot tonight is like a shot in the face tomorrow.


When you’re stocking up on the Jägers, how about keeping a Red Bull for tomorrow – could be the difference between you seeing daylight and vegetating on the couch. Keep the aul’ eyes peeled too, as they’re always handing them out around the place.


It’s Freshers’ Week 2013! Could be your first, or it could sadly be your last! So why not vow to make it fun! This doesn’t have to mean getting absolutely baked on the sauce, you want to remember as much of it as you can. There is loads to do around the place, new people to meet and new things to see. Get up off the couch and get out there – the world, or at least Cork for now, is you Oyster!


What can I say, we’re a hot bunch here in UCC – but aah seeing as I decided against using Condoms for C – just remember to be safe. The baby – and stretch marks – will last much longer than any one nighter ever will.


Take it from someone in the know – you need to start as you mean to go on! It’s not worth the sleepless nights before the exams and the early morning cramming. Actually never mind, last minute is part of college living!


NTUITION Be clever, knowing just the

right amount of study so you won’t fail is a talent you need to practice! With a little bit of shnakiness and cop on you’ve already got the first… erm…pass?!

From Red Bull to going on the pull, Grace O’Sullivan & Claire Crowley have you covered in their A-Z of UCC @GraceOhSullivan


AVA Have any of you ever heard

of Starbucks coffee? Let me guess; coffee, indie music and soya products are all part of your new college hipster life. Well, to aid you in your new college life, Starbucks is served on campus – the ultimate hipster accessory. (Bonus hipster points if you know what Java is)


UDOS Kudos to you for making it into UCC - and not needing to buy Crayola Twistables for your CIT degree.

OVE If you’re a first year,

avoid relationships, before Christmas you’ll resent them for tying you down, more than a 50-year-old Cougar does her high cholesterol, obese husband.





This is the restaurant on the right of the Boole Basement. Tip: Don’t go there between the hours of twelve and two, as a Hunger Games–like scenario will take place in an attempt to get seats.


Located in the Student Centre, it is often popular for cheap cocktails, or for just a casual pint or four with lunch.

RB (O’ Rahilly Building)

Christopher Nolan once saw the Orb, and from that, decided to create Inception. The home to Coffee Dock, which serves Starbucks coffee, and where lectures take place, once you can actually find the lecture…



UCC is strict with its rules concerning plagiarism, and has a system called Turnitin which will tell them if your assignment has been copied from any books or websites, meaning you might actually have to work/be extra sneaky.



If you walk through the Quad, you will fail all of your exams. This has been scientifically proven. Don’t be the person who walked through for a laugh and then failed. That’s anti-craic.



The best week of the college year. Raising money and giving to charity whilst drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Black weeks are the norm during RAG week, but also when lecturers like to give out exam tips…how sly.

OCIETIES You’ve probably heard this a

million times, but join a Society, there are approximately 92 to choose from at UCC, you’ll make so many new friends and have such craic. Or write for the Express. We’re super friendly too!



There’s constantly a great atmosphere around campus, always some club or society promoting themselves with fun events, college balls (formal, fancy dress occasions, get your mind out of the gutter), RAG week etc, you are guaranteed a good time here at UCC.



Keep one in your bag, as the heavens might decide to open without warning, and you simply can’t miss your lecture in the Western Gateway Building because of the rain. Or, as an alternative, use a copy of Motley.


AULT Hidden below the Kane

Building, this cheerful little place is the home to nuclear reactors. Once you go in, you will never get out.


The technology centre that likes to flood at the slightest appearance of rain, is located on Western road. You’ll rarely go there, unless you happen to have a lecture there (even then, that’s unlikely). Also has no phone coverage.


-RAY Known to happen to

students during Freshers’ Week/Christmas week/ RAG week/a Tuesday or Thursday night after having twelve too many.


UCC is swarming with political societies who have regular debates and events, promising banter and to not brainwash any new members. True story.


Sleep will become cherished, caffeine your new best friend and you will suddenly find that the library is so quiet and peaceful that you may just drop off for a second. Or three hours.


UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013


THE 10 COMMANDMENTS FOR BACK TO COL LEGE It was roughly around the time that I got my exam results back that I started getting excited about going back to college and making plans. No… No, that is a lie: it was well before this time that I started getting excited and making plans. I needed a new book bag, I got a new planner. I decided Final Year was going to be the best year I’d have in college. So I set myself a few goals:


Thou shall not lie: For the record – a few naggins will not be grand! At the time? Yes, maybe. Probably, definitely ok at the time. But in the morning you will be full of regret and selfhate… well, regret… Ok, fine: a headache and that (what I like to call) ‘cotton feeling’ in your head, where your head feels like it’s disconnected from your body and it’s floating along – kind of like when you alter the settings on your computer so that your mouse leaves a trail behind it. Drink responsibly!


Thou shall make an effort for class: oddly, this has nothing to do with attendance. Maybe it’s my recently discovered love of fashion and style but seriously, it really isn’t that much easier to put on sweats or to leave your pyjama pants on (sadly, yes, it has happened!) than it is to put on a nice pair of jeans. No? Not jeans? Ok, try jeggings. Or leggings and a nice dress! On one occasion did I dress sloppily for class (jeggings and a hoody) but this was simply because I couldn’t physically bend down to pick up clothes from the drawers (that were so cleverly placed under my bed) so I had to grab what was thrown over my chair. I’m not saying sky high heels and an over the top top but maybe a pair of jeans, a nice top, a pair of pumps or converse – ladies, UGGs were not meant to be worn outside in Ireland!


Thou shall attend all lectures: obviously…! There ARE exceptions – several times I have been told (not me specifically but the class in general) “DO NOT COME TO CLASS IF YOU’RE SICK AND WILL SPREAD GERMS!” So if you’re sick in any form, leave it and get your notes off a very willing friend. Oh, and snow days!


Thou shall save money this year: loyalty cards and club cards are possibly two of the most amazing inventions ever. Boots, Subway – these are lifesavers if you’re ever strapped for cash. Stock up on these bad boys. And coupons as well! I have developed a serious case of ‘every penny counts’.



Thou shall make new friends this year and cement old friendships: this is a major one for me. While I absolutely love the friends that I have made in the last two years, I also enjoy meeting new people.

By Kate Nora Dennison

Thou shall be more active in societies and clubs: here’s my method for doing this - choose a few societies and clubs that really spark an interest for you and make a sincere effort to take part and go to meetings. I always plan on keeping cool and chatting to people about their societies but once I walk into the hall that goes out the door and I just go around the room signing up to random things. Get a good idea of what the clubs and societies have to offer and get there early. Also IT IS OK TO SIGN UP SOLELY FOR THE FREEBIES! And do not go in there with a recently bought coffee or tea: it makes signing things harder.


Thou shall not misbehave in class: I can see myself in at least one lecture with my friend whom I converse with about Doctor Who, Sherlock and Criminal Minds. But under no possible circumstance can this happen during lectures!


Thou shall spend more time on campus and less time in bed: one of my friends knows that, for me, sleep is like food. Our conversations frequently go something like “Are you going to *name of venue or event* tonight?” “Yeah definitely. I just have to go home and change first.” one hour later. “Where are you?” Another hour later. “Oh, sorry I fell asleep...” It is so easy to say just five more minutes. I would say that caffeine is a godsend but for me it’s sugar. Going to lectures earns you better grades than if you don’t go, trust me!



Thou shall learn to say no!: “Want to go for coffee instead of to the library?” “No.” See how easy that was? No. (This only really applies during exam time.)

Thou shall go to the Coffee Dock once a week: And then we all laugh at the failed attempt of steering clear of the Coffee Dock. Oh coffee!

Honestly, most of these only really apply during exam time. And even more honestly, I can see myself spending every other moment in one of the coffee and sugar supplying venues that are on campus. The main thing to remember is to ENJOY COLLEGE. And be safe obviously!

Y 6



Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS

Feel Fresh, not Freshers’ Flu!

ou’ve been dreaming about this for weeks. You have friends, maybe even a sibling has been there. You could write a thesis on all the American Pie movies. You’re ready. You’re on your way to Ireland’s only 5-star university, frozen Mammy-dinners to last the week in check. You are now a free, independent adult. Sure, you may end up surviving on variations of beans-on-toast and develop a tolerance and perhaps even a love for cold, slightly tangy, two-day-old pizza, but you are doing it by yourself. All this newfound independence needs some sort of recognition. A symbol, if you will, to alert the world that you are (to quote a little known R&B performer) “young and wild and free”. And what is the best way to do this, you ask yourself? How can the good people of


You’ve been waiting all summer. Let me at the objects of my affection; let me lavish the feens and/or the beours with my expert shifting skills! You go to your first party. You try shnake in a naggin or a can of Druids, if that’s your thing. You get to the dance floor. You and your friends are throwing shapes, looking like a scene from Step Up. Killing it. Then the magic happens. You see some young wan across the room. She’s been looking at you, obviously impressed and wondering if you’re actually Channing Tatum. It’s go-time. Like a ninja, you duck and dive across the room until you’re right next to her, her glorious extensions wafting under the air conditioning, her Sally Hansen Medium Glow glittering under the lights. You make your move. Hand on the waist. She looks at you, with a look that only says one thing: Shift me, will ya?


By Gearóidín McEvoy

Cork, nay, the citizens of the world be made aware that you are ready to take on anything; education, poverty or even 9am Tort Law on a Monday? Why, by wearing the face off as many young wans as is physically possible during Freshers’ Week, you answer. There will be a barrage of parties in your first week. (Most of them promising free pizza and jelly shots – once you arrive, however, there will merely be a stack of empty Dominoes boxes and a few tubs of garlic mayonnaise. Not a hint of a jelly shot, or any jelly for that matter, to be found) Each party holds the promise of the wall-to-wall raging hormones you so desperately crave. Much like the 7 stages of grief, The Freshers’ Week Shift also has a pattern, subconsciously followed by first years and final years alike, drunk on the promise of the maxim “Every hole is a goal”. These phases are as follows:


Boom. She attaches herself to your face. There you go. You’re mauling away, having the time of your life, when it suddenly hits you: I’m in college now. I can maul whomever I like! This wan had a friend who wasn’t half bad! The night is still young. Plenty of young wans and their friends for the shifting. And shift is what you do! You shift and you score and you maul and you “make out” if you’re of American origin. The night is a blur. You’ve stopped asking for numbers, stopped asking for names. These minor details are slowing you down, slowing your progress. Your mouth is dry and your tongue is sore, but as you get stuck into this Brunette, Avicii spurs you on. No pain, no gain, right?


You wake up. In your underwear. And a Sombrero. There are empty cans of Dutch Gold covering your modesty. It’s Friday and you’re lying on a sofa, surrounded by Hillbilly’s wrappers. You’re not entirely sure whose house you’re in and your phone is full of questionable messages you apparently sent the night before. You feel sick. Not just that “hungover-killme-now” sick. Your throat is sore, scratchy and your glands are swollen to the size of tangerines. Your nose is stuffed and your head is clogged. You’ve done it. You’ve become part of the epidemic. You have Freshers’ Flu.

ome of you may be glancing quizzically at this article, wondering, “What is Freshers’ Flu?” According to the most accurate medical source known to man, Wikipedia, “Freshers’ Flu” is the “illnesses contracted by as many as 90% of new students during the first few weeks at a university”. The revered academics of Wikipedia go on to suggest that causes and contributing factors include a “convergence of large numbers of people arriving from all over the world, many of whom carry “germs” which they are immune, but others have not had a chance to acquire the necessary immunity.” Basically, you don’t know how many festering bacteria colonies are located inside the face of that fella at The Roxy last night, and due to your escapades, you’re now probably an incubus for infection too. Fear not! This does not have to be you. By following a few simple, precautionary measures you need not find yourself snuffling to the pharmacy on College Road for Lemsip, Calpol and a bumper pack of tissues. Prepare your immune system! Cut down on the McDonalds, at least during the day. Gorge yourself on fruit and all that jazz, then feel free to gorge yourself on one hundred young wans, your immune system firmly intact and ready to fight. You are not Gaz from Geordie Shore. Shifting the feens isn’t going out of fashion. Trust

me, it’s going to be around a long time after your first week. Therefore try not to engage in sporting shift-tallies with your buddies like the legendary Scotty T and Gaz from MTV’s finest programming. Although it seems like the greatest idea since waterproof mascara when you’re downing Jäger at the bar, it’s certain to put you on the road to a diet of chicken soup and Honey & Lemon Strepsils for the next week. Dental care: Ok, I’ve been there. I know that despite this writer’s best efforts, most of you are probably going to squash a year’s worth of The Shift into one week. Like the guy from the Sunscreen song, all the above has no basis more reliable than my own experience. But just as the narrator said to the Class of ’99, if I could offer you one tip for the future, a tip of which the benefits have been scientifically proven, a thorough mouth cleanse once you get home would be it. Finally, to those of you who fail to pay heed to my advice, I look forward to seeing you snuffling your way around the Kane Building, coughing while you try to escape the Orb and looking generally deplorable and unwell, as you shuffle about the Western Gateway. As you suffer through your self-inflicted sickness take solace in the fact that you have now been fully initiated into the UCC student experience.


UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013

Eateries in Cork


here are days where you are sick of eating the food on campus, or just tired of making beans on toast, so why not treat yourself to some of the restaurants around Cork?


This restaurant is located on French Church Street, and has food to suit all appetites and tastes. This includes an all-day breakfast, sandwiches, burgers, fish, pasta and side courses such as onion rings and home-cut chips. It is relatively inexpensive with friendly staff and fantastic food!

Scoozis Restaurant This little Italian restaurant is on Winthrop Lane, and is famous for its pizza and pasta, and has reasonable prices. Be wary that there is usually a queue, but the longest you would have to wait for a table would be about twenty minutes, and the food (especially the desserts!) are worth it.

No.5 Fenns Quay A small restaurant located on Sheares Street (number 5, as the name suggests), that serves breakfast, lunch and dinner, at student-friendly prices.


How to win at college

By Claire Crowley @ClaireXD

-A straight man’s guide-


Home to amazing pizzas, garlic bread and chips, with fantastic portions for a good price, you will not leave this restaurant hungry. Located on Winthrop Street, make sure you save rom for Gino’s famous ice-icream (something everyone HAS to try!)

Pearl River

Just one of many Chinese Restaurants in Cork city, the Pearl River is on Princes Street in the City Centre. Sensibly priced, delicious food and great service are all on the menu here.

Sober Lane

Sober Lane has been called Cork’s friendliest pub, with good reason, as the staff there are always helpful and extremely friendly. With a menu comprising of pizza, burgers, chicken, Pasta, and even has a section called ‘Boredom Eating’. They often have a “pizza and pitcher” deal in the afternoon and evenings too! Sober Lane is located on Sullivans Quay, and is always worth a visit.

W Captain Americas

Found on South Main Street, and with some of the best meal deals around, Captain Americas is often popular for students. With a bustling menu of starters, main courses, desserts and drinks, it’s perfect for any occasion. Also, there is a cocktail bar, Suas, upstairs!


Situated on Paul Street, Amicus serves nearly every dish you could ever desire, from chicken, pizza, fish, lamb burgers and so much more! It has a large menu that would suit any fussy eater, and on sunny days, you can sit outside and relax.

By Ryan Gallagher

hat is college about? The answer is kind of obvious isn’t it? Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, right? That is one of our main thoughts as we enter college life in UCC. During the god forsaken long orientation you are bombarded by statistics, facts and things you’re not to do. But I hear you say to yourselves, “That’s just the boring part, get that over and done with and then the real college begins. Parties from here on out boys! Sure we have lectures but college is just about having fun right? Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll... yeah!!” So what should you expect during college? There will be parties and lots of them, the first week will be crazy. You will be going to lectures, getting lost, eating lots of take-aways, making new friends, consuming large amounts of alcohol and checking out the opposite sex. Expect your hormonal levels to be at an all time high. You would be surprised at how easy it is to fail college during your first week. Drinking is a given. Student deals and naggins all round. Life is good, eh? No parents around to check on you, time to go project X on this city. Drink too much you’ll have a good time before, you: A) End up in hospital. B) Make a fool of yourself. C) Get arrested. D) Miss lectures. (All of which result in a fail.) Girls. There are hot girls around the place. Boobs everywhere, no longer hidden by school uniforms. Testosterone is through the roof. Your buddies tell you that college girls are into all kinds of weird shit. And easy, very easy. “They’re just looking for a good time.” But beware- we can fail easily here too. You meet a girl, you try her and you fail spectacularly. She’s a 2nd/3rd year and knows the score whereas you are just a horny first year. But it’s ok, a bit of dutch courage is needed so you try again because you’re a trooper. Oh the possibilities: A) You fail again and again. B) You just get a shift and a feel. C) You bring her home but you’re drunk and you can’t get it up. D) Pregnancy. E) STD. Fresher’s week! Shur there’s no point cooking this week, just grab a pizza with the lads. Four Star Pizza deals- sorted! Life is good. But then you go out and you drink and you don’t feel so good. And it is at this moment in time that you remember your mother telling you that eating takeaways daily will make you sick. Who knew? The possibilities: A) You have to go home with a stomach ache. B) You get sick and are sent home. C) You realise you have a beer belly. D) You get sick over a girl (you would be surprised how often that happens). So fail! So how to win at college with its many pitfalls and it’s vicious cycles? Balance is the key. Drink, Eat, Spend and Shift too much and you’ll regret it but do them too little and you’ll also regret it. Because college isn’t just about learning but about new experiences too. So live a little. It’s a fine line. College is where you can start afresh. So go out a few nights, but eat your greens. Drink a moderate amount and try your luck. Oh and stay away from drugs.


Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS


Fáilte! Fáilte romhat chuig Coláiste na hOllscoile, Corcaigh! Níl aon amhras agam go mbainfidh tú sult as! Cúpla focail fúm féin: Rachel Ní hAodha is ainm dom agus is mise an eagarthóir Gaeilge i mbliana. Tá an Ghaeilge á dhéanamh agam mar chuid dem’ chéim sna hÉalaíona agus taitníonn sí go mór liom. I rith na bliana, déanfaidh mé mo dhícheall cúrsaí Gaeilge timpeall an champais a fhógairt, go háirithe na hócáidí a bheidh ar siúl ag Ionad na Gaeilge Labhartha, ag an gCuallacht agus ag an gCumann Drámaíochta chun spreagadh a thabhairt duit do chuid Gaeilge a chleachtadh.

Faoi láthair, tá scríbhneoirí á lorg agam don pháipéar. Is taithí iontach é chun blas na scríbhneoireachta trí mhéan na Gaeilge a bhaint amach agus a fhorbairt. Tabharfaidh mé cabhair agus comhairle do na scríbhneoirí Gaeilge agus bheadh áthas an domhan orm éisteacht le do chuid moltaí chun an teanga a chur chun cinn timpeall an choláiste. Má tá suim agat sa Ghaeilge agus sa scríbhneoireacht, seol ríomhphost chugam ag

Áras Uí Thuama

– Gaeltacht na hOllscoile Corcaigh!

Beatha teanga í a labhairt’ mar a deirtear. Tá an t-adh linn go bhfuil Ionad Cónaithe Gaeilge againn, darb ainm Áras Uí Thuama, ar an gcampas. Níl sé ach cúig neomat ón gcoláiste agus timpeall deich neomat ón gcathair. Glacann Ionad na Gaeilge Labhartha ról lárnach ann chun timpeallacht a chruthú ina mbíonn mic léinn compórdach Gaeilge a labhairt go nádúrtha. Tugtar “Gaeltacht na hOllscoile Corcaigh” air. Níl aon bhuairt faoin leibhéal Gaeilge atá agat ach caithfidh tú a bheith díograsach chun an teanga a labhairt ó mhaidin go hoíche. Rinne mé agallamh le beirt mac léinn, Hannah Ní Shíthigh agus Meabh Ní Bhriain, a d’fhan sa lóistín anuraidh: Cén tionchar a bhí ag Áras Uí Rathaille ar bhur gcuid Gaeilge?

Hannah: “Bhí meon dearfach ag daoine eile ann agus thug sé an spreagadh dom Gaeilge a labhairt.” Meabh: “D’fhoglaim mé conas Gaeilge nádúrtha a labhairt agus tháinig feabhas ollmhór ar mo chuid Gaeilge.” An raibh caidreamh láidir idir an t-Ionad agus sibh féin? Hannah: “Bhí ócáidí eagraithe acu dúinn chun teacht le chéile chun Gaeilge a labhairt agus chun labhairt leo faoi chúrsaí cosúil le conas a bhí ag éirí linn san ollscoil féin. D’ócáid amháin, chuaigh gach duine ag bábháil le Clár agus Nuala ón Ionad.” Meabh: “Bhí teagmháil againn le triúr eagarthóirí ón Ionad- Nuala, Clár agus Pól. Bhí an t-Ionad ag an gcroílár den lóistín agus bhíodar ann dúinn pé uair go raibh rud éigin ag teastáil uainn.”

Ar bhain sibh taitneamh as an dtaithí agus ar mholfadh sibh Áras Uí Thuama do mhic léinn eile?

Hannah: “Do bhain. Bhí sé an-suimiúil a bheith i dtimpeallacht cónaithe Gaeilge cosúil le Áras Uí Thuama. Do mholfainn é d’éinne a bhfuil suim acu sa teanga chun feabhas a chur ar a gcuid Gaeilge labhartha.” Meabh: “Bhaineas an-sult as! Rinne mé cairde nua a bhí mar chomhluadar deas dom agus mé i bhfad óm bhaile. Is lóistín den chéad scoth é. Tiocfaidh feabhas ar do chuid Gaeilge agus ar do shaol sóisialta. Mholfainn é d’éinne, is cuma muna bhfuil tú líofa, ní ach caithfeadh fonn agus grá don teanga a bheith agat.”

Chun dul i dteagmháil le Ionad na Gaeilge Labhartha; buail isteach san oifig atá acu ar an gcampas in Áras Uí Rathaille, cuardaigh a suíomh idirlín, tabhair “like” dá leathanach ar Facebook nó seol ríomhphost chuthu ag


á tá suim agat sa Ghaeilge agus sa drámaíocht, is é An Cumann Drámaíochta an cumann duitse. Bíonn dhá nó trí dráma ar siúl acu le linn na bliana. Chomh maith le aisteoireacht, bíonn scríbhneoireacht ar siúl acu. Is slí taitneamhach é chun do chuid scileanna aisteoireachta agus scríbhneoireachta a fhorbairt agus a fheabhsú, agus tú ag úsáid do chuid Gaeilge. Labhair mé lena Reachtaire, Cáit Ní hÉalaithe a d’inis dom: “Is cumann beag go leor sinn ach tá sé sin níos fearr i mo thuairimse féin toisc go bhfuil sé an-éasca cairde a dhéanamh tríd an chumainn. An t-aidhm atá againne ná an Ghaeilge a spreagadh agus a scaipeadh timpeall an choláiste trí na drámaí a chuirimid ar siúl. Anuraidh, rinneamar An Triail i rith Spraoi Cois Laoi agus píosa gearr ó Cailíní Gránna (Mean Girls) ag am Nollag. Ansin scríobhamar ár ndráma féin tar éis na Nollag a bhí bunaithe ar cúpla scéal ó bhéaloideas cosúil le Jack agus an Gas Pónaire (Jack and the Beanstalk), Hamish agus Geirtín (Hansel and Gretel) agus An Chailín a Glaoch Mac Tíre (The Boy who cried Wolf). Chuireamar an dráma sin darbh ainm, ‘Cnuasach Síscéalta’ ar siúl ag féile i NUIG Gaillimh. Bhuamar dhá dhuais; ceann amháin don scríbhneoireacht is fearr agus ceann eile do na carachtair is fearr. Bhí an dráma sin á dhéanamh againn ag féile drámaíochta sa Daingean chomh maith i mí Márta. Creidim féin gur fiú é páirt a ghlacadh sa chumann seo mar is cumann neamhfhoirmiúil is cairdiúil sinn. Ní gá do na baill a bheith líofa in aon chor, glacfaimid le aon chaighdeán Gaeilge. Mar sin, níl aon bhrú ar dhaoine agus braitheann gach éinne níos compóirdí.” Gaeilge, drámaíocht, craic agus dlúthchairde? Is mó tairbhe atá ag baint leis an gCumann seo! Más mian leat a bheith páirteach leo, tabhair “like” dá leathanach ar Facebook (An Cumann Drámaíochta UCC).

An Chuallacht


s í An Chuallacht an Cumann Gaelach ar an gcampas agus an t-aidhm atá aici ná an Ghaeilge a athbheochan agus a chothú timpeall an choláiste. Bíonn Ciorcal Comhrá ar siúl acu dhá uair sa tseachtain- gach Máirt ag a haon san Old Bar agus Deardaoin ag a sé sa Seomra Caidrimh. Tá fáilte roimh gach éinne freastail air chun bualadh le Gaelgeoirí eile agus a gcuid Gaeilge a chleachtadh. Is slí iontach é chun feabhas a chur ar do chuid Gaeilge. Tá an Seomra Caidrimh suite in Áras Uí Rathaille agus is ann a bhíonn imeachtaí éagsúla ar siúl atá ag baint leis an nGaeilge. Is buacphointe den chéad téarma é Spraoi Cois Laoi. Seachtain Trad, Teanga is Tasipeántais atá inti. Líontar an tseachtain le imeachtaí éagsúla chun úsáid na Gaeilge a spreagadh. Bíonn craic ag daoine a ghlacann páirt ann. Ar ndóigh, bíonn atmaisféar iontach ar an gcampas timpeall Seachtain na Gaeilge. Eagraíonn An Chuallacht ócáidí sóisialta chun deis a thabhairt do mhic léinn taitneamh a bhaint astu agus an teanga a labhairt. Is fiú é ‘Like’ a thabhairt dá leathanach ar Facebook (An Chuallacht UCC) chun teagmháil a choiméad leo. Beidh ócáidí á fhogairt acu ar a leathanach agus gheobhaidh tú eolas faoi chúrsaí Gaeilge. Is cumann iontach é a spreagann labhairt na Gaeilge agus a eagraíonn ócáidí taitneamhacha. Má tá suim agat sa Ghaeilge, mholfainn duit páirt a ghlacadh leo chun cairde nua a dhéanamh agus taitneamh a bhaint as na himeachtaí a bhíonn ar siúl i rith na bliana.


UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013





Clubs Day September 17TH





Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS



It’s back to college time already and while we are still holding onto the last morsels of the summer, we also need to start considering our autumn college wardrobe. Whether you are parting with the security of your school uniform for the first time or need fresh inspiration to ease your transition back into college life, these pieces will definitely provide you with the ideal wardrobe for beginning/ returning to UCC while still allowing you to create your own personal style.

Fashion Editor Nicole Clinton selects the best items for building a girl’s perfect autumnal college wardrobe. @NicoleClinton


“Hello, my name is Nicole and I’m a jeans-aholic”. I own at least 15 pairs of jeans and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to stop because there are so many different shades and styles that I could never be finished collecting them. However, while that fact may be the root of my addiction, it serves as the very reason that jeans should be a staple for any college wardrobe. There are varying styles and shapes to suit every figure and they are hard-wearing so they are not going to tear as you’re trudging from one lecturehall to another. Additionally, jeans will match any combination as blue/dark denim is technically a neutral (like black) and if you want to be more colourful, they can now be found in a vast majority of shades and patterns.



The blouse made a significant comeback on the high-street last year and I believe that its reign will continue this year. Therefore, it is a chic insert into any outfit while also adding a feminine touch that is not too flimsy. You can alter the way you wear a blouse too. For example, the collar left open or unbuttoned across the chest portrays a more relaxed look. But you can produce a more preppy, sophisticated flair by buttoning up the collar to the top. This look can be enhanced by employing the use of accessories such as wrapping a medium width ribbon around the collar and tying it in a bow at the front or placing a gold/silver collar-style necklace around the collar of the blouse.




While my collection of leather jackets is not as extensive as my collection of jeans, I do own or co-own a vast array of the item in a variety of different colours. The leather jacket is impeccable choice of coat for the college autumnal wardrobe as it is practical as well as being stylish. It embodies an effortless panache and it NEVER goes out of fashion. It transforms even the blandest outfit into a cool fashion statement and in a classic black style, it matches every colour or pattern. And its appeal is not just confined to day-time. The leather jacket is a slick insertion into any night-time ensemble too.






These are a faultless choice of footwear for trekking around UCC. Due to their short length, they will fit over all type of jeans as well as finishing off the leg look of tights or leggings flawlessly. The best type for both practicality and fashion credentials would be a black, leather pair or ones with a black, slouched suede effect. If you like a bit of a heel like me, you’re safest with a wedged heel, otherwise flats are totally acceptable.

9 1~ Pennys, €19. 2~ Penneys, €17. 3~ River Island, €40. 4~ Penneys, €11. 5~ Penneys, €11. 6~ H&M, €9.95. 7~ River Island, €60. 8~ River Island, €60. 9~ Penneys, €22.

So if you are going to buy any new clothes this autumn season, make it these four items and you’ll create endless combination opportunities!

UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013


What a Guy Wants


Marita Maloney sets down n the autumn fashio ’s essentials for UCC male population



The quote “a man is known by his shoes” is ever-present today, and make no mistake, boys, people will judge you on your footwear. It is also said that good shoes will take you to good places, and so it will do you no favours if they are shabby or have that worn-into-an –inch-of-their-life appearance. A decent pair of leather boots are perpetually en vogue, and in my opinion, a step above their counterparts. Leather shoes will also keep you ahead of the game, albeit they are not to everyone’s taste, so Converse or Vans also offer their own charm in both flair and comfort. (A word to the wise: teaming your summer sandals with cosy socks for autumn is never, ever an option, unless, that is, you wish to always walk alone).

It is no secret that Irish weather can be particularly unpredictable during the autumn months, which means that every man’s wardrobe must be durable and versatile, while still remaining à la mode. That is why a jacket for all seasons is the singularly most intrinsic item in your clothing repertoire. Finding a garment which can withstand the inevitable downpours while also being capable of enduring freezing conditions is no mean feat, but is extremely achievable. The High Street continuously imitates what it sees being displayed by the big name designers, and innovative fabrics combined with skilful cuts emanate in the perfect piece of outerwear. Zara, ASOS and Topman are standout stores for delivering in both quality and aesthetic appeal. There are numerous options that provide both, from leather to wool and beyond, and although traipsing around the shops may not be every guy’s preferred way to spend the day, the reward will surpass the toil.

JEANS/CHINOS Whether you’re a chino man or a jeans advocate, trousers inevitably hold a fundamental place in any guy’s ensemble, with the great debate between the two raging on. For many years denim has been the embodiment of casual fabric for pants, and is one of those rare pieces of apparel that successfully surmounts the decades. A pair of threads (preferably dark wash) that can take you anywhere, from tedious lectures to reckless college nights, are a solid investment. However, chinos have risen with unprecedented popularity to the fashion fore, and with a vast variety of hues and fits, it is almost certain that you will find your preferred choice of trousers. Whichever one you choose is essentially a matter of taste, but with denim being the epitome of carefree cool, if you wish to exude a more formal air, then chinos invariably take precedent.


This may seems a superfluous choice in some people’s eyes given the fact that only a minute minority do not own a mobile phone today. That being said, this investment accessory has an eye-catching perennial attraction that transcends seasons. A timeless watch provides a master class in both sartorial sophistication and practicality, and is an acquisition that will serve you not only in your college years but also in the big bad world. When purchasing a watch, and this goes for all clothes, remember that trends fade but class will never go out of fashion. If your fall wardrobe predominantly consists of these four items made in quality fabrics and fit, then they can be incorporated with the rest of your attire, making your college closet cooler than any autumn breeze.


Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS



Sunday, Sunday


By Liam Doherty

woke up this morning with a piercing pain in my head. Getting out of bed, I did the usual. Brush my teeth, shower, get dressed, and breakfast. It being a Sunday, a lazy Sunday, I did very little after that... I did nothing, literally nothing. Sitting down watching TV isn’t a way to spend a day; even a Sunday. Especially since TV is so shit on a Sunday... “WE CAN BE HEROES... JUST FOR ONE DAY...” Watching repeats of American Idol served only to remind me of my headache; and as there was nobody around to try and impress, I gave in and grabbed a tablet to relieve the pain. I barely noticed as the throbbing inside my head slowly disappeared... and soon became nothing more than a distant memory. I sat myself down on the couch and quickly became very, very bored. It occurred to me just then that I didn’t enjoy watching television. I’m sure I used to. I recall being amused, interested even, by it. I’m certain that at some stage I enjoyed following a good TV series, but now it all just bored me. I live for my work now. I don’t work on Sundays. Fucking paracetemol... Works for about an hour, then the pain just comes flooding back. The day continued to trudge on, without incident or occasion, until the lights went out in the sky and I decided I’d had enough of the day. I had work in the morning. I went to bed that night with a piercing pain in my head.

hings were changing all around her. The world spun, round and round. A never-ending carousel of times and places, emotions and drama, heartbreaks and heartaches... The days changed, the weeks changed, the months changed, even the years changed; they all went by with what little grace they could muster. Seasons came and went, and with them Maria would go, willingly, but with no real sense of direction. She was a leaf in the wind, and even she knew how terrible that metaphor was, yet it described her well - a young girl in a big world that was only getting bigger as the days flew by. More so than usual, she often found herself looking out of her bedroom window on rainy days. She liked to think it made her look deep and interesting, and to be fair it probably did. She used these moments to escape from her thoughts, to just watch the water trickle down the window pane and let it run its course. It was a comforting sight, to watch the raindrops haphazardly falling in and out of place, without reason or control, with nobody to blame but nature itself. It was comforting. And it was nice not to think. Too often lately, she would get caught up in her thoughts... Thoughts of her future, what she was doing, where she was going... In truth, she had no idea where she was going... She was at a loss. It was useless, futile, other such words... Nothing made


he is red lips and gold-varnished nails. She is the scent of temptation and the seed of misfortune. She is hair like a raven and eyes like steel, and when she looks at me I feel my blood slowly chill. She is beautiful poison disguised as perfume and I want to drink her into my body; I want her lust fused with mine. I know myself completely through loving her. My body becomes my own with her caress; my nerves crackle and burn for her fingertips. When I lie next to her I feel myself more than I ever have before. She touches and I respond; I am hard like metal but I melt under her command. And she never has to utter a word because her eyes say it all when they light up like fire and chase away the dark. She is my passion and my euphoria; she is my alcohol and my sweat. Someday, she says, you will break my heart – you make me feel too happy. There is a spot in the roof of a person’s mouth, a tiny impression. When you run the tip of your tongue along the flesh you can feel it, barely there, just behind your teeth. She takes me by the hair and drags me to her chamber and upon a block of wood she

Eoghan Scott | Fiction Editor @EoghanScott

Things Have Changed By Eoghan Scott sense in her life. She wished that it could all stay as it was for just a few years longer... just enough time for her to figure herself out; was that so much to ask? Her friends were all going on to bigger things. Different places, brighter places, better places. Some of her friends were going to work, growing up, making lives and living them. She didn’t want to grow up just yet; she didn’t think she could handle the responsibility. “Responsibility” – nothing terrified her more. But she knew she would have to move forward. She’d heard somewhere once that a shark must keep moving, or else it will die. That probably wasn’t true; she’d heard it in a film after all. But she understood the metaphor – You’ve got to keep moving. She didn’t want to end up a dead shark. With her friends all going their separate ways, Maria often wondered if they would manage to keep in touch with each other through the years. Inevitably, she knew that she would lose contact with some of them, and not just the ones she wanted to lose contact with.... She had no plans to mature just yet; it was not her intention... She suspected that she had at least a few more years of immaturity left in her. And the thought of that at least made her happy. The world would just have to wait.

She is red lips...

By Ruth Lawlor

has set a spike like a glistening sword. I open my mouth for her and she drives it through that hole, into my brain while I moan for her satisfaction. And that night the tears spill from the soft dead eyes as I lament the loss of innocence, and of hope. I don’t know what my happiness is. I don’t know what love can be. You never think that something so bright can lie in your future; you never realise it can all be taken away. There is a power in deceiving yourself but in the end the question remains: is my life better for having her in it? And until that question is answered the tears continue to fall, and slowly they harden into bitter lakes of salt. You are going to a place where you hope that peace exists, but you are so uncertain that you close your eyes, and close your heart, and pretend that reality isn’t knocking at your door. Sometimes it is easier to walk away. But as you walk away remember that those red lips are following in your wake, and they whisper as you run, and they hiss at your mistakes. Those red lips have kissed your body, and they leave a scar that lingers far too long. When you sleep at night, the red lips dance, and the red lips seal your dreams.


UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013

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UCC unveils shortlist of myths for new academic year


he UCC Office of Marketing and Communications has revealed its shortlist of superstitions for the new academic year. The shortlist of five comprises the potential activities and subsequent curses which would befall students should they vote in and then complete the reprehensible deed. From January 1st onwards those who engage in a lewd song and dance outside the Fishbowl at night could be destined to never get a seat there at examtime or students who engage in Facebook ‘spotting’ on campus could be exiled in Neptune Stadium for all their end of year exams. The innovation has been undertaken in order to add further mystique to UCC as the implementation of previous myths has driven a huge growth in tourism to the Western Road campus, as well as helping to attract more international students to the college. The current shortlist was generated after an online questionnaire in an All Students email attracted a huge response rate. The email asked students to propose the new myths and another online ballot is now open to students and staff to decide which contender will enter UCC folklore. There is also an option to re-open nominations. Communications Officer, Moore E. Storey elaborated on the development of the initiative: “UCC has always had its tall tales; be it stand on the crest and get pregnant or cross the Quad and fail your exams, that element of mystique has always been present. “Towards the end of the nineties, the O’Rahilly Building was built and within a matter of a few years, rumours had emerged that the ghost of a lost English student haunted its corridors. “You can probably blame it on the Celtic Tiger really – the economic growth made our jobs easy and the bored employees began to take inspiration from that dead English student and spread more rumours about UCC.” Some of these stories gained traction in the national broadsheets with reports about a nuclear reactor in the Kane Building causing a furore on Liveline and similar rumours about an Egyptian mummy beneath the floorboards of the Boole Library leading to a diplomatic incident between Ireland and Egypt after the resignation of UCC sympathist Hosni Mubarak, former President of the MiddleEastern state and an alumnus of UCC’s BSc in Government. Well-placed sources within the President’s

and star from it unhas.”

Office noted that UCC are still closely monitoring the Egyptian political situation before choosing whether to condone the armed forces’ coup d’état and interim government or side with the dissident Muslim Brotherhood. It is not yet known what effect Egypt’s civil unrest will have on UCC’s alleged Egyptian mummy. “It was innocuous enough stuff at first but it grew exponentially the publicity undoubtedly helped UCC become Ireland’s first fiveuniversity,” said Storey. “The uplift these stories can’t be overstated and derlines how much power our office

Storey also addressed concerns that opening up the mythology of the college to a public vote would damage the impact of the chosen myth. “These current customs are primarily targeted at international students and tourists as well as incoming students from 2014 on. But either way, the very nature of college life means that nobody will remember this vote in four years’ time.” The newly founded Mythology Society will be charged with propagating the new superstition among students. A representative of the provisional society observed that UCC’s student body is generally willing to give credence to such rumours as it gives more opportunities for tracksuited students to congregate in circles and yell at transgressors while many self-loathing students also gain a boost in morale by feeling superior for a fleeting moment of their humdrum lives. “All told, it only adds to the rich tapestry and history of the college” summarised Storey, who wouldn’t be drawn on criticisms that Brookfield satellite campus has again been ignored for any boost to its struggling cultural heritage. Other possible traditions-to-be include punishments for mature students who ask questions during lectures (they would have to suffer the indignity of their children graduating before them) and for students who go out on Monday nights (they would have tests all through R&G Week). The fifth suggestion involves those who always miss lectures on Fridays suffering a Jamie Lee Curtis – Lindsay Lohan type scenario, where they are forced to financially support their parents through four years of binge drinking, inspired by Disney’s box office cash-in ‘Freaky Friday’. Voting closes on Friday the 13th of December.


Tuesday August 27, 2013 | UCC EXPRESS

Horgan happy at Cork City SPORT

Kevin Galvin | Sport Editor @shefellover93

Probably the best day of my life’ Daryl Horgan answers when asked about playing for Cork City. The day, or more specifically the evening he’s referring to is that of the 29th of October 2011, the night City gained promotion. It was far from an easy ride though; a last minute Graham Cummins goal secured the title in the back garden of the champions elect, and probably the Rebel Army’s biggest rivals, Shelbourne. That 2-1 win capped off a season that saw the Cork side lose just once, and secure their first trophy in three years. Fitting, that a late goal was again the topic of conversation, with the Rebel Army obtaining a crucial three points against relegation rivals Bohemians, as Daryl and myself sat down to talk. ‘Yeah it has’ Horgan replied when asked if the win had alleviated the pressure of relegation, ‘It was a six pointer, and we won it…I can’t see us being dragged into a relegation battle at this stage.’ And with City winning just one of their previous thirteen league games, that late goal could prove to be just as important as the one in Tolka two years previously. It’s ironic then that these late goals have been Cork City’s Achilles heel all season, with the Leesiders dropping fourteen points and a Setanta (All-Ireland) Cup final due to goals scored in the last five minutes of games. ‘It’s not a matter of fitness, and it’s happened too many times for it to be luck. I think it’s a state of mind…you think it’s going to happen again and drop deeper and deeper, while the other team think “We’re going to get one!” and it just has a knock on effect.’ These late goals ultimately cost the man who brought Daryl to Cork, Tommy Dunne his job ‘I’d never have a bad word to say about Tommy, he gave me my chance, and was very tactically aware’ an opinion not echoed by many of the City faithful, who showed their displeasure with chants and banners calling for the Dubliners head. ‘He was very good to me and I thought he was a good coach, he did well with us in the First Division and had a couple of results gone a different way things would have been different. I started noticing it (the booing) when I came on for the Sligo game, you could see the Sligo lads and their heads are up, but it’s part and parcel of football. It’s your job and you’re getting paid to do it, and especially with a fans owned club if people aren’t happy they’re

Forward Thinking ‘God forbid I could get injured tomorrow…so I’ve to try and get my degree and set myself up for after’ going to tell you about it.’ The fans owned nature has been a charm and a curse for the Rebel Army, whose stability rings true when other League of Ireland clubs go through difficult financial times. The latest case was of Waterford, where bad decisions at the top caused the club to be minutes from getting wound up, before eventually striking a deal with former manager Stephen Henderson over unpaid wages. It’s this instability that caused Daryl to consider college in the first place, ‘My career’s not going to last forever, if you’re lucky you have maybe fifteen years, and the way it’s setup in Ireland you’re not going to be able to make a living from it, and UCC was perfect with the excellent facilities,’ says Horgan, with a wise head on the shoulders of a man that turned just 21 the week before. ‘God forbid I could get injured tomorrow…so I’ve to try and get my degree and set myself up for after.’ For Daryl though, college life to him is far removed from the house parties and nights out usually associated with going to University ‘I wouldn’t get the nights out, but it was grand because I knew a few lads from City. I generally keep myself to myself, go to my lectures and tutorials and do my work, go home, and rest up before training. A lot of people go to college for the craic but for me

it’s all about work’. For Horgan, college is the next chapter of a life which started right back at the age of five, with his first club Salthill Devon. ‘It’s a great club with great coaches and a lot of volunteers who give a lot of time. I was under Paul ‘Skee’ Magee from about the age of nine before Jumbo Brennan took over, there’s a fourth team in every age group, and you don’t get that in every club! That potential shows with them competing in the League of Ireland, and they bring a lot of young players through.’ Football was always the Galwegian’s main priority, despite dabbing in other sports. ‘I played a bit of Gaelic, but it wasn’t anything too serious, soccer was always number one…when I got to the age of 16 it was time to choose.’ From Galway, the winger moved up the road to Sligo, where he spent six fruitless months at ‘The Bit O’Red’, not getting the game time he wanted before making the big switch to the ‘Real Capital’ on a 6 month loan, but given the wingers outstanding time with the Rebel Army, many were expecting him to return to the Premier League contenders under Paul Cook. ‘I was playing week in week out here, and given the incredible circumstances in which we won the league it would have been very hard to walk away… I really

I’d never have a bad word to say about Tommy, he gave me my chance”

liked the boys and the setup of the team down here.’ Daryl has found himself very much at home on Leeside, and settled down quickly upon joining the side. ‘I like Cork, it has a very similar atmosphere to Galway, I’ve family down here and the people are very friendly’ and with the Galwegian set to spend at least another two years here in college, it shows a level of commitment scarcely seen in a league where many professionals change club season-by-season. The new man in control of City is adopted Corkonian Stuart Ashton, the first ever Cork City signing as a player and the man who coached for over a decade in a youth system which has produced countless star recruits, including Kevin Doyle and Shane Long; the latest triumph being a ‘double double’ of league and cup honours at the U19 elite level. ‘He puts

the emphasis on winning, with a lot of shooting and small sided games…he’s very positive and that emphasis on winning is what we need.’ Horgan himself has had a fickle season, with inconsistent performances punctuated by some stunning strikes which have seen him feature on the likes of Marca and Gazetto Dello Sport’s websites, two major European sporting newspapers. ‘It’s brilliant to get noticed, and Cork’s a big club with some great players, so if you’re doing well here then you’re not doing too badly!’ says Horgan, a touch embarrassed. If Daryl Horgan can find some real consistency along with these moments of magic, it won’t be too long before the Rebel Army will be climbing up the table, and there will be plenty more of those best days to come in the future for the 21 year-old.


Honours: Intervarsity champions Last Season: Having had a solid start to the season, with early wins over UCD and Sligo, we kept up our form over the Christmas period, despite losing to reigning fourtime champions Dublin International before the turn of the year. 2013 saw more success against Astra, Lughnasa and DCU as the side headed into the IOHA Cup. Unfortunately, DI once again had that finishing edge and we finished as runners up for the second time in two years but we hope that they will be there for the taking next year.


Tue: 4pm-6pm and Wed: 5pm7pm in the Mardyke Main Hall.

Matches: Matches are usually played on a Saturday or Sunday, with double-header weekend trips to Dublin also commonplace.


Why Join?

Olympic Handball is a minority sport in Ireland, meaning that competition is open to people of all abilities to expand their sporting horizons. It’s a low contact sport so perfectly suitable for people of both genders and presents a fantastic opportunity to improve your fitness. The game has fantastic opportunities, the chance to play in European competition, represent your country in an Olympic sport, and perhaps even earn the right to play abroad like other Irish players. The game is hugely multinational and UCC OHC is one of the most international clubs on campus.

Archery Why Join?

Training: Tuesday evenings in the Electrical Engineering building.

Matches: 6 Intervarsities, a Student National Championship and beginner competitions for new archers.


Munster Open Winners


Last year UCC Tramps rac ked up an impressive 50 medals in its four annual competitions. We also came 2nd in last year’s Intervars ities. We had the best ranking Iris h competitor at the Scottish League and in April UCC hosted the largest stu dent Why Join? competition in Europe wit h over 600 Olympic Handball is a minority sport competitors. Members als o travelled in Ireland, meani ng that competition is to Scotland for intensive training open to people of all abilitie weekends. s to expand their sporting horizons. It’s a low contact sport so perfectly sui Training Times: table for people of both genders and presents a Mon: 5pm to 7pm and Th urs: 4.30 to fantastic opportunity to imp rove your 7pm in the Mardyke. fitness. The game has fantast ic opportunities, the chance to play in European competition, represent you r country in an Olympic sport, and per haps even earn the right to play abroad like other Tram


mpoline Gymnastics Clu

Last Season:

Archery is a sport that can be practiced in a great variety of ways, all of them fun. You can choose to compete at intervarsities or come to training, shoot a few arrows and make some new friends. We think you’ll find archery as addictive as we have. It is a very accessible sport in terms of gender and physical disabilities. Last year over 200 students showed up for our first training session so you are bound to make a few friends along the way.

Looking to join a club? Consider picking one slightly off the beaten track.

Email: trampoline@uccc Facebook: Search: ‘UCC Tra

Facebook: Search ‘UCC Olympic Handball Club’ Twitter: Kevin Galvin @shefellover93

Last season was our 3rd season entering the All-Ireland Intervarsity League as a club and we finished fifth overall and placed in the individual categories.

Club Bios



Olympic Handball

UCC EXPRESS | Tuesday August 27, 2013


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SPORT 16 UCC EXPRESS Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Horgan happy at Cork City



Spectacular Sporting Summer Barry Aldworth | Deputy Sport Editor @Aldworth_Barry

the eyes of every Irish person (with it seemingly being impossible to escape the words “For God’s sake he hasn’t missed a tackle yet,”) Gatland ultimately proved us all wrong. After a poor showing in the second test meant the series went to a decider, the British and Irish Lions dominated their Australian opponents in the final match, winning by a score of 41-16. A starting line-up consisting of ten Welshmen proved to be one of the best Lions teams ever witnessed, setting the Lions record for points scored in a single test match. However, controversy opted to raise its ugly head once again as the world of soccer zeroed its focus in on 2014 World Cup hosts Brazil. As eight of football’s finest teams (well seven plus Tahiti) gathered for the 2013 Confederations Cup, the Brazilian public took its opportunity to protest the amount of money being spent on the 2014 World Cup. Despite pleas from FIFA President Sepp Blatter for protesters “not to use football to make their demands heard,” over one million people took to the streets across the country. As protests intensified outside the pitches, inside the stadiums it was business as usual with tournament favourites Brazil and Spain advancing to the final with relative ease. However, the final itself proved to be a major shock, as the supposedly invincible Spanish team was systematically picked apart by a superior Brazil, en route to a 3-0 loss. With just under four months left, there is still time for 2013 to deliver several more sporting highlights. As for 2014, with the Sochi Winter Olympics, a Football World Cup and the Commonwealth Games a bumper year for sport seems to be guaranteed.


fter 2012 gave us an Olympic Summer, a European Ryder Cup victory and a Leinster Heineken Cup win, few thought the summer of 2013 could match up. However, while most of UCC’s students spent the summer scrambling for a job, Daniel Martin gave Ireland its first stage victory in the Tour de France since 1992, one of soccer’s best teams was dismantled at the Confederations Cup, and at Roland Garros tennis witnessed a rare streaker, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase “new balls please.” After a disappointing year for English football, the 2013 Champions League final saw old foes Borussia Dortmund and Bayern Munich square off. The match marked the first ever time that two German teams had met in the final of the Champions League, or its predecessor the European Cup. Despite dominating in the first half, forcing 5 crucial saves from Bayern keeper Manuel Neuer, Borussia Dortmund found themselves a goal down after 60 minutes. However, Mario Mandžukić’s goal was soon negated, after Brazilian defender Dante kicked Marco Reus in the stomach in the penalty area. With the match seemingly destined for extra time, Bayern received one more lucky-break. Dortmund keeper Roman Weidenfeller was punished for coming off his line, as Arjen Robben sealed victory for Bayern with one minute left. Sport and controversy are never far apart, and despite delivering a Lions victory, Warren Gatland, for one week, became the most hated man in Ireland for his decision to bench Brian O’Driscoll. (Read God!) Whilst the decision was wrong in


Daniel Martin became only the fifth Irishman to win a tour stage, and the first since his uncle’s victory on stage 16 of the 1992 Tour in La Bourboule.

Fringe Clubs at UCC



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Issue 1, Volume 21