I first got out an 8x12 pan to layer the beans and corn. Then I had to mix the water chestnuts, onion, sour cream and soup together. Honestly, that was pretty easy. I thought it looked a little gooey and gross at first but I knew that if my casserole turned out anything like my Aunt Pat’s, it would be paradise for my tastebuds. My favorite part came last, which was crunching up the Ritz crackers into bread crumbs and mixing them with melted butter. But once I pulverized the crackers, I realized there was no butter in my house and I hadn’t gotten any at the store. My step-dad tried to come to the rescue with a tub of butter from one of the fridges in our garage but it was two months expired and I didn’t want to take any risks. I would have gone out and gotten more butter but I had already started making the casserole late, had only 40 minutes for it to bake at 375 degrees, with people coming over in 30 minutes, and I still had to put on the pretty yellow dress I had picked out for the party, put on my makeup and straighten my hair. So I sucked up my tears and pride and sprinkled the butter-less crackers on top, defeated that my casserole wouldn’t taste nearly as good without the carb spread. When the timer went off 40 minutes later, guests had just started to arrive so luckily, it was perfect timing. “Marisa made this?” some of our guests asked teasingly when they were grabbing food for their plates. I smiled shyly, hoping they would try some of it and like it. Miraculously, every person that tried some said they absolutely loved it. Just hearing that made me so happy. Again, I’m not sure if they were all just saying that so they wouldn’t hurt my sensitive feelings and ate it to be nice, but it gave me the confidence to really branch more out of my comfort zone and start preparing meals with trickier ingredients and more complicated instructions. My casserole was pretty simple to make but it made me feel like I can really have the family dinners with my daughter and Alex like I always dreamed of when I was little. I’m not in anyway saying being a good cook equals being a good mom. I love my mother very much and it’s ok that cooking just wasn’t her thing. I just want to be able to bake cookies with my daughter on a rainy day and grill steaks with my boyfriend on the Fourth of July. And sure, I’ll never be Gordon Ramsey but that’s ok. At least for now, I know how to make a damn good green bean corn casserole. - Marisa Patwa
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