THE ASMSU EXPONENT | December 1, 2011
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Short, punchy articles railing against the myriad injustices of campus life. Have something to rant on? Contact us at letters@exponent.montana.edu. Just keep submissions 200-300 words. And please, try to refrain from personal attacks.
You Kno w
Adoptin
g Vegeta
What?
Ryan Bovy
Pat Hessman
You know what really crosses my eyes? 3D. The first time I saw a 3D movie, I was on a date – real original, I know. From this single experience, I can draw several points of hating 3D: They are expensive, poorly made and those stupid glasses do not allow for proper cuddling. Watching anything in 3D will give you a headache. The technology is not yet sound enough to prevent migraines, and that to me is not worth an extra $3.50. If I wanted a headache, I would drink a bottle of red wine and watch the Discovery Channel an hour later. Even worse than 3D movies are 3D TVs. “Hey, c’mon over to my house and
Sure, there is a positive side: The glasses oblige cuddling. When I’m watching football with my boys it sucks, but when you (ladies … ) want to watch “The Notebook” in 3D, for some odd reason, I will definitely take the opportunity to snuggle close. Basically, if you start crying on my shoulder, it hurts. The glasses just dig into the bone, and I hold back tears from the pain (not the tragic love story). And when you hear my sobs and peek up at me for a kiss, it is impossible to not hit 3D glasses and kill the moment. Moral of the story, there has been one thing that I have seen in 3D that I didn’t regret: the movie “UP!” The simple
we will sit uncomfortably close together while we watch the football game in some stupid glasses that deter from our conversation.” I say, “No thanks, bro-muchacho.”
reason that 3D did not ruin this film is because this movie was impossible to messup. If you hated “UP!,” then you cross my eyes as well.
You know what overuses my sentence structure? How many animals I’m becoming obliged to eat. As an avid carnivore, I’m a staunch supporter of Adopta-Vegetarian. The program is simple: You pick a vegetarian and vow to eat two animals for every one they won’t eat. The food chain has to be kept intact after all; humans didn’t spend 400,000 years conquering this planet to become herbivores.
rians Problem is, I’m adopting too many. I can’t in good consciousness leave any vegetarian unadopted. They’re everywhere, though. I simply can’t eat this many animals. If I keep this up, I’m going to have to consume an entire cow daily. My fellow carnivores, I implore you to join me on this endeavor. We have to band together to keep humans at the top of the food chain.
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