This issue’s special feature:
Experiences In this edition of Asian Outlook, our female writers share some of their personal experiences. These range from dealing with the Asian identity, growing pains and family matters. All are true stories that reflect on the “self.” Different people experience different realities. But in the end, these experiences all offer brand new insights.
L Why Can’t My By Lillian Lai
S
Grandma Remember Me?
Asian in an American society? Though I cannot directly answer you as it is hard to measure due to the fact that I’m sure that many people’s experiences are most likely different from mine. When asked the question, my mind wired instantly back to my family. Not long ago, I occasionally visited my grandma—as she is my one and only remaining grandparent and she’s getting older year after year. I can tell by the increasing wrinkles on her face or because of the fact that she slowly forgets who her family members are. I couldn’t visit her as much as I used to because I was in college, but I didn’t think the next person to be erased from her memories would be me. When I returned from college for the very first time, my heart died a little bit because she couldn’t remember who I was. She thought I was this random little girl who was passing by and was just friendly enough to drop a hello. The second time I visited her, she mistook me for my brother’s fiancé. The only people that she can remember are my brother and my only male cousin. I was devastated that my grandma did not even recognize me, o you ask me what it means to be an
10 ASIAN OUTLOOK
but I understand that the male heirs are important in Chinese tradition and that is exactly why my grandma remembers them and not me. Of course, I was sad that she didn’t realize who I was, but my parents said it was okay because she was just old-fashioned. I didn’t understand how love could be divided and measured because of gender. I was confused because my parents loved me and my brother equally. They never gave me anything less of their love than they have given to my brother. When we were younger, my brother and I would receive the same weekly allowance and the same amount of money for our birthdays. Even though I was born in America, the rigid Chinese traditions and beliefs still exist in my family. The pressures of being a girl in an Asian family are still here even though my parents have already assimilated into the American society. I am always reminded of the constraints in Chinese culture every time I visit my grandma. I believe that the true definition of “Asian-American” is that we are Americans by nationality, but we never forget where we came from.