Words are Forever “Why don’t you just kill yourself nobody likes you anyways.” Tears rolled down my checks, my heart felt crushed, shattered, and ripped apart. I wanted to die then and there as I stood in the middle of that yard. I wanted him to see me go, I wanted to leave him scarred the way he left me. Life was not full of rainbows and butterflies for me. I was just 7 when things first began, his name was Hector. He was 3 years older than me wore glasses, was chunky and made my life a living hell. This boy constantly called me ugly, worthless, piece of shit, estupida, and trash. That wasn’t even the hard part. The first incident occurred at the park. I was sitting on the swing set watching my cousins play basketball. I saw Hector approaching me from a distance; I still remember what he was wearing a blue shirt and khaki shorts with some black converse. I thought he was going to greet me but instead he said “wow you have no friends that explains why you’re sitting here all by yourself I mean who would want to be your friend you’re so freaking ugly” It took a moment for me to take in those words and then it hit me. I don’t even know this guy why is he being so rude? My cousins looked over and heard him, for a moment I felt as if they were about to say something back. Instead they stood there and laughed! They laughed with him. All I could hear was there laughter echoing throughout the park. Tears filled my eyes and before I knew it they began to pour down my cheeks. Crying didn’t do me any good it just made things worst. Hector noticed and then said, “Wow you’re so dumb seriously you’re crying I could give you a mirror to show you how stupid you look, but you’d just break it.” I couldn’t take it anymore so I stood up and ran home, I could hear their laughter slowly fading but still pounding in my head.
Many incidents such as this one kept occurring, I never knew what to feel. He made me feel worthless like I was nothing. I honestly believed him for a minute all of those words he spat out at me. I mean no one stood up for me everyone laughed along with him and they were my own family. I felt like complete shit, what else was I supposed to feel when your own blood goes against you instead of standing up for you. I never understood why that boy hated me so much I constantly replayed the first time I met him to know where I went wrong. I never got it, till this day I don’t even know but what I do know is that I think too much when I am by myself. I think of him and his endless dictionary of horrible words, I think of all the things he put me through, but most of all I think of the words he said to me that night. That night felt as if it had just happened yesterday. It was my cousin’s birthday and surely enough Hector was there. I stayed inside and watched them play football in the yard. Time came to leave and I had to go call my brothers, the problem was that they were with Hector. I went to the front yard and called my brothers. As soon as they heard we were leaving Hector yelled, “Man why do you always have to ruin everything.” I replied, “I just did what my mom told me.” I stood there looking up at him my heart was racing and I knew something was going to go wrong. Hector then said, “You know what why don’t you just go kill yourself nobody likes you anyways.” My heart stopped. The whole world stopped. Everything around me stopped. I wanted to die there and then. Those words really made me feel like I was worthless. He made me feel like nothing, because I was. I didn’t speak for weeks. Those words kept replaying over and over again. I spent a lot of time in my room alone thinking. I thought to myself and then I realized that I was always alone. I never have anyone whom I can tell this stuff too because my parents were obviously out of the question. Then without thinking suicide crossed my mind. I was always alone and then I came to
the conclusion that Hector was right. No one was here but me, I never had anyone but me so why bother being here if it’s only going to be for me. I went to the medicine drawer and pulled out some pills that read “Caution do not take more than prescribed”. I took them to my room and just gazed at the bottle. I began taking them put and slowly putting them in my mouth. One by one I popped them in my mouth until I reached the end. Eleven pills were now in my body and surely I felt weak. I felt hot and nauseous, my body fell to the ground and hit the hard cold floor. I thought I was dying I can’t quite describe what I felt that night, it was all a blur. Hours later I quickly got up and ran fast. I reached the trash can and everything just poured out. Vomit came out not only from my mouth but nose as well. I felt weak, I couldn’t breathe with everything coming out. After it stopped I fell on my knees and passed out. About 3 years passed since that incident. I then saw Hector at the lake one afternoon. It was Easter and everyone had already cracked their powder filled eggs. I still had mine and Hector took note of that. He came up to me and asked me for one and I said no. He then said, “Why are you so mean.” I wanted to laugh because I wasn’t the mean one here, he obviously was. I looked up at him and said, “Oh I’m mean? Coming from the guy who told me to go kill myself because nobody liked me. Do you know how much shit you put me through? I used to cry myself to sleep because of you. Did you also happen to know that I attempted suicide?” Hector’s eyes were now watery and a single tear drop went down his cheek. H apologized for everything he did to me over the years. Yeah I was pleased with his apology but that wasn’t going to make up for the things he did to me. They say scars are forever and those words he said to me were scars. I may seem happy but in reality I have scars all inside of me. I have never told anyone about this or the fact that I attempted suicide. On the outside I am full of life and joy, but inside I am broken. I am a book with no words.