Can I keep Dreaming?
Sometimes I wish I could keep dreaming, and never stop dreaming about the life I hope to have one day. Unfortunately, I have to wake up and realize that I have to live a life that I don’t want to live. Psalms 30:5 says “suffering may stay overnight; but joy comes in the morning”, but the problem is that, there are times where these words are like fog to me, I can’t see past the meaning, all I see are these words! I guess I just have to suck it up and be a freakin GROWN UP when I am still learning about life. When I was younger, I woke up to my parent’s fights, my father screaming at my mother as if she was some woman from the street. ”Shut the fuck up you don’t tell me what to do, this is my house and I do what I want” my father yelled. “Well, I‘ll just pack my things and go” she replied. She went in to the room to take me with her, but he said I was staying. I felt as if a piece of my heart was being taken away from me, and that it would never return, In that instant, I knew that is was another gloomy sad day for me, so I went back to bed I curled up in to a rolly polly and wondered, how am I ever going to get through this difficult time? You might ask yourself why I sound so calm saying this, the truth is that deep inside it kills me. I feel sharp arrows stabbing my heart. I always compare myself to a clown, yes, a clown. You see, a clown is constantly energetic, with big smiles on their faces, making people laugh and bringing joy to their lives for at least a few minutes, just to see that other people can be happy. As lighthearted as they may seem, some of them hide deep emotions of venerability and fear behind their mask, the mask that shows that living this life is happiness. It’s when they’re out of the public’s eye, in the privacy of their own home, stripped of all makeup and costumes, that they find themselves alone with the real person behind the disguise. The sense of sadness,
depression, loneliness, and failure emerge as they wish that one day there will be no more pain, no more suffrage, no more hiding behind the mask One early morning, we were on the way to my aunt’s house, it was a sunny bright day, just how I like it. As we were on our way he started throwing crap at my mom, about how she should drive, “this is how you fuckn drive!” he said to her “porfavor Arturo ya callate, dejanos estar tranquilos” my mother said with a tear rolling down her cheeks. He got tired of her telling all this stuff (I mean the truth hurts) and he turned into some random street and opened the door like a gentleman for my mom, and my brother and I got of the car. He quickly reversed, and I could hear the tires screech, rushing their way towards my mom. I ran as fast as I could and pushed her out of the way… from that moment I have no idea what happed, all I know is that moment the man that I called father has become a stranger that randomly lives in my house. I thought that I would go through this once, and the suffering would end and stop completely…I was wrong, it continues like a cycle, over and over and over again, if it’s not one thing it’s another. I can’t remember the last time where I gave my father a hug, or just simply said “I love you”, yet I don’t feel that guilt. I feel the hatred running through my veins, knowing that the reason that I don’t ever feel free is because of him. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a dark room, wishing that there was a light that would make a difference. When I listen to this particular song, it brings me to tears, making me fall to my knees. Realizing that what this song says is exactly what I need. “Take me to that place Lord, to that secret place, where I can be with you, you can make me like you. Wrap me in your arms, wrap me in your arms, wrap me in your arms” (Wrap Me in Your Arms, by William McDowell). These have a deep meaning, because I want him to take me and to tell me that it will all be okay one day. This is where I wish I could keep dreaming, I don’t want to go back and face the pain, the depression, the loneliness, the
failure. NO, I want to stay in that secret place dreaming that it’s all going to turn out okay… GOSH WHEN DOES THIS NIGHTMARE END!!!!!!!!!!! April 25, 2006, I suffered a severe; injury in my leg, that day scared me for life. My family and I were on the freeway, it was raining down really hard. At that time we had a truck, it was my favorite car. My dad has this thing, were he thinks that there’s no better driver than him, he decided to be a retarded and speed his way up to the front if the traffic. That’s when I experienced my first car crash. The truck spined around three times, I hit my head against the glass window I was unconscious, while my parents got of the car asking for help, an eighteen wheeler came and flipped the truck. I was inside. One of my legs was completely broken and I was rushed to the hospital. I had surgery, and now my bones on my right leg have become metal pipes. I don’t blame my dad, even though he does, but I wasn’t his fault. Many people may see it that way, but he’s my father deep down I love him. This brings me to my conclusion. Let me just tell you how good it feel when you put the past behind you, and you let it be the past. I’ve come to realize that despite what I’ve gone through, the hell I’ve been through, what do I earn, by staying mad about what happened. LOOK AT ME NOW, I AM STRONGER THIS TIME AROUND!!! I took all this and my eyes opened, I now I might not feel comfortable to me right now, but I got to look at the positive way, god is working in me. All that suffrage made become pure gold. “SUFFURING MAY STAY OVER NIGHT” BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!!!” PSALMS 30:5. I OWE ALL OF THIS TO THE GREAT KINGS OF KINGS. THANK YOU JESUES.