A Life Days can be days. I mean, they probably have feelings too. Maybe Monday wants to be Friday so that people can be happy it’s actually Monday…ha. Don’t we all wish we can be different things? But days like these are the worst. Memories come, and I finally realize my grandparents are gone and I won’t ever get to see them again. I won’t ever be able to argue or have a disagreement with them, or deny helping my grandma, or have those long quiet, awkward talks with my grandpa; all of that gone just like that. I still remember everything like it was just yesterday. It wasn’t just the loss that hurt the most, but the emptiness that I had, the tiredness. Everything just went downhill after my grandma left. I could hear my dad weeping “ mi mama no,” and those words are when I knew she was no longer here; she had left us, but I never thought it would hurt so much. I seriously felt my dad’s pain; it felt like they had just broken a crayon like when you were in kindergarten. It was just irreplaceable; you wanted that one no matter what. Why? Because it was yours and no one else’s. That exact same day my father left, and all I wanted to do was go and be alone because nothing else mattered but the fact I had one less grandma. The worst part is seeing all my uncles cry like it hurt a lot. I felt so empty inside, like nothing was left for me, like I just wanted to quit, like nothing else mattered in the world. At this point is where I was about to quit. I was depressed for about a month; I hardly showed it, but every time I fell asleep I would cry. I can hardly explain how I felt. All my tears every time they fell would taste less and less salty. Nothing made sense; it was like I was in my geometry class first semester all over again. It was as painful as cutting your finger; it doesn’t hurt at first, but it hurts afterwards.
Things got better after a while, and things settled down also. All of us went on with our lives. One night my dad got a call. They told him my grandpa was really sick, and he hasn’t been eating and has been in a depressed mood since my grandma died. Then another night my dad got a call again that my grandpa got cancer, and that they can do surgery, but my grandpa wasn’t putting any part of him anymore. That would affect the way that the procedure would be done, since he was so weak it would be possible he would die while he had the surgery. I woke up with these feeling like a part of me was gone, the same feeling I had when my grandma was dead. The first thing I did was ask my mom how was my dad. She said he was fine, and then I asked her how my grandpa was, she answered as soft as a baby kicking a ball. I left to school like nothing was wrong. When I got home I got on Instagram, and that’s when I noticed that my sister put a picture on there saying “ God now has another angel up there, now they can be together” that’s when I knew my grandpa was gone. Tears came down so fast, like a rollercoaster; my makeup smeared as quick as it could. I felt so alone, all over again, and every night all you could hear was crying. I wanted to quit like what point my dad was broken like a shattered glass you can’t fix it anymore: its broken. I am loud and sweet. I wonder what my future holds. I hear my parents argue. I see my grandparents above.
I want to discover the whole world even after I die. I am happy but still sad. I pretend to be someone I’m not. I feel like nothing matters anymore. I touch my parents. I worry about my parents. I cry because I see my parents cry. I am caring like a polar bear is for her cubs. I understand that they are gone. I say my parents won’t be okay. I dream to see my parents to be okay. I try to be okay. I hope everything gets better. I am a man in a wheel chair that walked. -
Everyone thinks that they will be ready when someone dies because it’s the circle of life, but what they don’t know is how painful it feels when you are in that position. Everything crumbles, and nothing else in the world matters. First instinct is to quit to give up, to not move on with your life, but that’s not the best decision because there are other people to make proud. Now it’s my turn to make my parents proud. It’s time to stop acting like a little baby and be a lady.