Joke page, ASTROLOGY, Casino directory jokes of the month
Here are some laughs to lighten your day from comic Gary Muledeer who entertained at intermission for the Johnny Mathis concert on August 3rd at Celebrity Theatre.
At a retirement home an old fellow was walking down the hall and noticed a door open, he walked in and saw an attractive old lady in a wheel chair. He said to her “bet you can’t guess my age?” I’ll bet I can.” She says “Drop your pants.” The old man does exactly that and she remarks “96.” The old man is stunned “you’re right! How did you guess that?” The woman smiled and said “You told me at breakfast!”
Zeke and Harry two old pals in their late seventies were golfing when Harry hit a ball into the woods where they both searched and finally find the ball next to a tree. As Harry reached down to move some leaves he noticed a toad that looked up at Harry and spoke “Pick me up, kiss me and I will be transformed into a sexy young woman who will give you the most amazing sex for the rest of your life” Harry picked up the toad, shoved it into his golf bag and zipped up the pocket.
“Why did you do that?” asked Zeke. Harry looked up as he prepared to hit his next shot and said “at my age, I think I’d rather have a talking frog” I checked into a hotel last night, on the nightstand was a bible, I opened it and there was a note inside that read “If you are an alcoholic and think you have a drinking problem-call this number” I called….it was a liquor store.
Thank You Gary for the jokes, the lovely Alycia for great seats and Danny Zelisko (someone I’ve have known for 40 years and who is also a “die hard” Cub Fan) for bringing this great show to town. Phil “Chicago, Chicago – My Home Town” Scudella
Leo July 23 to Aug 23
Scorpio Oct 24 to Nov 22
Aquarius Jan 21 to Feb 19
Taurus April 21 to May 21
Virgo Aug 24 to Sept 23
Sagittarius Nov 23 to Dec 21
Pisces Feb 20 to Mar 20
Gemini May 22 to June 21
Capricorn Dec 22 to Jan 20
Cancer June 22 to July 22
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
Kinky friend is fun Make plans for trip Good news soon Go with your guts
Soon – a big surprise Just what you needed Huge turnaround Take a very careful chance
Libra Sept 24 to Oct 23
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
Bet strong early Time is your friend The big win you needed Take the offer
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
CASINO DIRECTORY a
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1. Apache Gold Hotel Resort Casino • (Globe) San Carlos Apache Tribe-slots bingo & blackjack & Entertainment (800) 272-2438 2. BlueWater Resort Casino • (Parker) Colorado River Indian Tribe-slots bingo blackjack poker & Entertainment (888) 243-3360 3. Bucky’s Casino • (Prescott) Yavapai-Prescott Indian Tribe-slots, poker & blackjack (800) 756-8744 3a. Yavapai Casino & Gaming Center • (Prescott) Yavapai-Prescott Indian Tribe-slots & Entertainment (800) 756-8744 30 ARIZONA PLAYER August 2015
Stall for a while Quick trip = nice win Chills coming real soon Blackjack is key this week Dreams come true Spine-tingling fun Unplanned pleasure Time to relax and chill Play smart this week Go with hunch Play your numbers Go to favorite place
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
Things are looking up Take pal with this time Plan that meeting soon This time it’s for real
Great play is rewarded New friend will be fun Out of town excitement Take the plunge
Aries Mar 21 to April 20
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
Take all the extras This week is your chance Really big one is coming Very pleasurable trip
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Here is some good advice, if the room you’re staying in is $29.00 per night – Skip the complimentary breakfast.
Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7 Aug 7–14 Aug 15–22 Sep 23–31 Sep 1–7
Lucky at cards this week Plan the trip you need Your chance for real fun Never underestimate luck
Pure pleasure is the treasure Finally, a lucky week Do it and don’t look back Nice hit at favorite spot Kindness is a good thing Last minute idea works Get out with best friend You’ll meet someone new
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