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Batman, Retired Trevor Pyle

Everyone wants to make a big thing of it, but the truth is there’s only so many times you can throw a supervillain off a skyscraper and watch him yell noooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooo until he lands on a gasoline truck and make it bloom like fiery algae. Now I run a car lot where the Batmobile sits on display— its engine removed, of course. Sometimes a villain will come in to mutter threats and drink free coffee. I always send them away with a nice used Camry or crossover SUV. People love that I wear the mask with a dress shirt and tie. Sometimes to entertain the kids I’ll growl, “Of course I have good prices—I’m Batman!” The only thing that bothers me is a couple months after I started, the Joker opened his own lot across the street. At first I suspected a diabolical plot— cars that launched their drivers, laughing gas instead of air conditioning. It turns out he just wants to compete. He wears a cowboy hat, saws prices in half with a green chainsaw in his ads. You wouldn’t believe how goddamn popular they are.

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Profile for Apeiron Review

Apeiron Review | Summer 2015  

The summer issue of Apeiron Review, a Philadelphia-based literary magazine, is ready for you and a glass of your favorite beverage. Cool off...

Apeiron Review | Summer 2015  

The summer issue of Apeiron Review, a Philadelphia-based literary magazine, is ready for you and a glass of your favorite beverage. Cool off...