Page 1

Workshop Handouts

Best Selling Author, Anna DeStefano www.annawrites.com Literary Agent, Michelle Grajkowski www.threeseaslit.com

Boundaries... When to communicate, and when to step back for the sake of your business. The key to communicating in business is knowing your boundaries, communicating them when appropriate and sticking to them when things get tight. Join Michelle Grajkowski of Three Seas Literary Agency and best selling author Anna DeStefano bring for a fun but frank glimpse at how the effective use, or ignorance, of boundaries can transform your career.


She Said, She Said

(DeStefano/Grajkowski, July '07)

2

1.

Communication is about your issues and those of the person you're working with

2.

Manipulation/Co-Dependence—two sides of the same instinct. What are your reasons for letting someone control your choices? How How She said, she said...I can't believe SHE just said that!!!

3.

Too many "rules" can create walls instead of boundaries You've got to share space with others or your business can't thrive... Ask yourself • •

Focus situational needs, not always the end result

4.

The Woman in the Mirror Healthy working relationships depend on one common denominator—how well you know and can control what you know about your communication style. What tempts you to want to take over?

WWW.ANNAWRITES.COM

WWW.THREESEASLIT.COM


She Said, She Said

(DeStefano/Grajkowski, July '07)

3

What circumstances leave you prone to manipulation? What are your limits • •

4.

Anticipate Understand

Taking the "ass" out of asserting yourself When I teach communication skills to people who want to provide crisis care, I explain that caring for the other person should be your primary goal in any conversation you have. We spend several workshop sessions talking about how toSpeak the Truth in L-U-V. Taking the "ass" out of asserting yourself seems a less touchy-feely slogan, and one more appropriate for a business workshop, don't you think? Still, the same principles apply, as you assert yourself in publishing relationships: Maintain the relationship first Your number one goal should always be maintaining a relationship with the person you're having a "discussion" with. Being able to continue working with them is ALWAYS more important than getting credit for being right, being heard, or being the center of attention. Some important questions to ask yourself before you confront the other person: • • • • •

Is this really a problem (what do you have at stake)? Is there something to achieve beyond simply complaining? What are the chances you'll achieve your goal? Are you willing to take the risk, and exert the time and energy, with no guarantee of the outcome? How badly do you want it? Is this the time or place for this discussion? Can you maintain control while you confront the issue?

Focus your feedback on the behavior and the issue at hand, not the person. Respect the other's right to her perspective, even if you think it's wrong. Respect her period! WWW.ANNAWRITES.COM

WWW.THREESEASLIT.COM


She Said, She Said

(DeStefano/Grajkowski, July '07)

4

Respect your own rights, without turning assertiveness into aggression. •

An aggressive communication style is expressing your view and protecting your rights in a threatening, abusive, or hostile manner. Think of insults, belittling, lecturing, sarcasm, gossiping, manipulation, or making decisions for another without her approval.

•

These tactics aren't about being truthful, or being a strong business person...they're usually about trying to get what you want, without doing the work required to stand up for yourself AND maintain a positive working relationship. Too often, these tactics about going on the attack, because you feel your self worth has been damaged. They're about damaging the other person back, not solving your problem. This is how disputes are handled on an elementary playground, not between professional business people.

Key points to remember: You have to find ways to stand up for yourself and your goals, while not trampling the other person's self esteem and objectives. Communicating is NEVER all about you, no matter how much you have at stake. Professional communication is about taking care of business, while maintaining relationships that you can't afford to trash. She said, she said...We'll need a couple of skits here, I think... (neither Michelle nor I will escape unscathed this time ;O)

4.

Questions... Volunteer from the crowd to do a skit of your own... Anyone... Anyone????

WWW.ANNAWRITES.COM

WWW.THREESEASLIT.COM


She Said, She Said

(DeStefano/Grajkowski, July '07)

5

Anna DeStefano Anna DeStefano is a best selling author of long contemporary romance for Harlequin Superromance. She's a Romantic Times Reviewers Choice Award winner, a National Reader's Choice finalist, just won the Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence, and is a 2007 Holt Medallion finalist. An honors graduate form Georgia Tech, Anna worked in corporate IT for tenf years, finally settling into a career as a Senior Tech Writer. Her dream to publish fiction refused to be ignored, however, and five years after joining RWA, she's the president of Georgia Romance Writers and is working on her 8th full-length novel. She's invited to present her workshops on planning through character, drafting/improvisation, and revision at meetings, conferences, and all-day workshops nationwide. Check out the excerpts and great giveaways at www.annawrites.com and www.annadestefano.blogspot.com. And look for her newest Superromance series, Atlanta Heroes, which launches in October with Because of a Boy.

Michelle Grajkowski From the moment Michelle Grajkowski first opened her doors to the 3 Seas Literary Agency in August of 2000, she has been living her dream. (What could be better than surrounding yourself with great authors and their exciting and imaginative books?). Since then, she's successfully sold more than 200 titles to major publishing houses including Harlequin, NAL, Berkley, Dorchester, Kensington, Avon, Pocket, Random House (both here and in the UK), Knopf, Andrews McMeel, Warner and HarperCollins. Currently, she is looking for fantastic authors with a voice of their own. Michelle focuses on romance, women's fiction, Chick-Lit young adult and middle grade fiction. On a personal note, Michelle's husband is a captain in the Army National Guard and has recently returned to his family after a fifteen-month tour of duty in the Middle East. Michelle loves watching college sports and is doing her best to 'brainwash' her children into becoming into little Wisconsin Badgers -Go Bucky!

WWW.ANNAWRITES.COM

WWW.THREESEASLIT.COM

Anna DeStefano Workshop: Boundaries  

When to communicate, and when to step back for the sake of your business.

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you