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BREAKING NEWS ‘Man not completely satisfied with haircut but doesn’t want to cause a fuss’


- guilty secrets unveiled


Why don’t you ‘Choose Your Own Documentary’? Opinion: ‘The Trouble with Change’








A word from our M&M EDITOR...

Welcome to the very first edition of The Mix and Match Magazine! This edition features everything from the latest news to recent entertainment events, amusing confessions about guilty indulgences and interviewing the wonderful Georgina Wheatley from The Royal Opera House. It also features traditional Greek recipes that are easy to make and offers a review of the simply sensational slanket. Enjoy!

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CONTENTS News: - Canaries Cruise Cacks Up! - Man not completely satisfied with haircut but doesn’t want to cause a fuss’ - Woman upset over pricey shopping bill Entertainment: - Beyoncé ‘Miss Carter Show’ - Why don’t you ‘Choose Your Own Documentary’? - Patent Pending VIP supported by People on Vacation and Lacey Confessions: - ‘We Need To Talk About Chicken’ Opinions: - ‘The Trouble with Change’ Spotlight on: - Georgina Wheatley at Royal Opera House Promotion: - Slankets!

NEWS Canaries Cruise Cacks Up! 11-night cruise to the Canaries costing 1,500 went down the drain when Peter and his wife Gladys Morley’s cruise ship suffered from sickness outbreak last week in Southampton. Peter and Gladys arrived in Southampton last week excited and ready for the cruise of a lifetime. After waiting many hours they were told that the ship was being cleaned after there had been a sickness bug break out on the previous journey. Eventually they were allowed onto the ship, only to get ill less than 24 hours into the trip. The couple said that their bathroom cabinet was infested with sewer flies even after the alleged deep clean the ship undertook beforehand. The passengers have decided to take the cruise company to court to get compensation for the horrible illness that they have had to put up with and for the ruined holiday. They were encouraged that this was a cruise line ‘committed to excellence’ and that they could ‘look forward to an experience like no other’. This was true - they’ll never forget this trip! Holidaymakers have now said that they would never set foot on that cruise line again after the horrible, vicious sickness that took hold of them and ruined their holiday and lost them money. Peter and Gladys are appearing in court later this week to give a full statement about what went on on the cruise ship and hopefully deck this cruise ship for all it’s got after their horrendous experience.

For more stories like this, visit:

‘Woman upset over pricy shopping Stephanie, after walking round the store, picked up items at random and headed to bill’

the till, but to her surprise her shopping cost far more than she was expecting. After When Stephanie Reppet reached the causing a fuss at the till and requesting to checkout of Poundland on Wednesday 21st see the manager she left upset, annoyed November 2012, she was shocked to see and almost penniless. the price of her shopping bill when it totalled £9. Since this instance, Stephanie has refused to set foot inside Poundland but reports Poundland, renowned for its contents be- say that she now sends her daughter in her ing priced at £1 each item, shocked Stepha- place to do the shopping. nie when she couldn’t find the pricing on any item within the store. She was quoted If you’ve been affected at all by this story or saying that ‘without the correct pricing on want to share a similar story, please get in conthe items in the store, it is very misleading tact at: for customers because you don’t know For more stories like this or to make a comment how much you’re spending’. on this story, visit:

'Man not completely satisfied with haircut but doesn't want to cause a fuss' Johnny Scotch left Jones’ Barber’s last Tuesday feeling unsatisfied after a £7 haircut. After visiting the barbers, Johnny claims the barber didn’t cut his hair how he wanted but didn’t want to cause a fuss and left quietly. When the barber asked him at the end of his haircut if he was satisfied he simply nodded, paid and left. He said ‘After spending so much, I am disappointed with my haircut, but what can you do?! I’ll just hope it grows back to the way I like it. It’s far too short now’. Since last Tuesday Johnny has told his family and friends about his unsatisfactory haircut and is hoping his hair will grow back soon. It has been discovered that he has booked his next appointment at Jones’ Barber’s for 5 weeks time, and has requested the same barber. It has also been reported that Johnny had tried his hardest to engage in light conversation with his talkative barber but left feeling ashamed that his social skills were not refined enough to connect on any level whatsoever. For more stories like this or to make a comment on this story, visit:

ENTERTAINMENT BEYONCE ‘THE MISS CARTER SHOW AT LONDON 02 ARENA Beyoncé's ‘The Miss Carter Show’ finally reached the UK during Spring 2014 and by God, “bootilicious” doesn’t cover it; you couldn’t take your eyes or ears off her. Beyoncé performed on Saturday 1st March 2014 at the London O2 arena, supported by ’Monsieur ADI’, a DJ from Paris, who confidently warmed up the crowd before Beyoncé entered the arena. Lights down, Beyoncé banner flowing at the front of the stage, music building the tension more and more and then BOOM. Beyoncé pops up centre stage and all that is seen is her silhouette with a single light on her and the crowd goes wild with a screaming roar. The music hadn’t even begun. Her two-hour epic show was sensational and had everything you would expect from a show performed by a true diva. Her unique outfits, spectacular dancers and lighting had the whole crowd hanging on her every lyric. The show was kept light and playful with Beyoncé interacting at one point with the crowd saying “I’m working my ass off here and you’re sitting in your seat—get up!”, to which the crowd responded immediately, as you would if Queen B asked something of you. Beyoncé also took a moment to slow down the fast paced show and sang effortlessly a short tribute to the late Whitney Houston, by singing the first verse and chorus of ‘I will always love you’. It was beautifully composed and was appreciated by all the audience. Beyoncé’s ’Miss Carter Show’ took the world by storm and all of B’s fans are looking forward to her next instalment.

Why don’t you ‘Choose Your Own Documentary’? Having never heard of the Choose Your Own Adventure collection, when I entered the University of Kent Gulbenkien Theatre on Thursday 6th March 2014 I had no idea what was in store for the evening’s entertainment. Choose Your Own Documentary followed Nathan Penlington’s true story, in which he attempts to find the owner of a book he bought off eBay after pages fall out of it which spoke volumes to Nathan and his life. Inspired by the purchase off eBay, Choose Your Own Documentary followed a similar style, in that the audience is shown some footage and has to decide what happens next using a remote control and majority rules. With over 1,500 possible outcomes its almost certain that your choice won’t be followed throughout and yet despite this, the show is thoroughly enjoyable and engaging. As there are so many outcomes, it’s almost definite that each show will be different, but either way the audience decides. The show was part comedy, part documentary and left you completely on edge at every decision. The show was totally absorbing and Nathan was personable, sweet and told the story brilliantly. Whether the outcome is what you want, the show is well worth a watch. How the show ends is utterly in the audiences hands.

Patent Pending supported by People on Vacation and Lacey On the 25th April 2014, ‘Patent Pending’ played at The Garage, London in Highbury and Islington. Having managed to get exclusive VIP tickets which allowed access to a private acoustic session with both Patent Pending and one of their supporting acts, ‘People on Vacation’, the show was off to a brilliant start. After being given signed merchandise and a free VIP photo, it was a case of waiting for the concert to start. The support act ‘Lacey’ began the show and the atmosphere in the room was taken to a whole new level. After a brilliant first act, ‘People on Vacation’ entered the stage, with lead singer Jaret Reddick from ‘Bowling for Soup’, and continued to involve the audience and keep spirits raised. When ‘Patent Pending’ entered the room, the crowd went wild. The dance moves, crowd surfing and brilliant music resulted in a fantastic night out. The gig revealed both the support acts and Patent Pending as energetic, fun and fantastically talented bands. Check out their songs which are available on Youtube or buy them on iTunes. Follow them on twitter at:

PATENT PENDING VIP at The Garage, London

CONFESSIONS ‘We need to talk about Chicken’ So, here it is. My confession. Or whatever you want to call it. I’ll tell you and you can decide what to make of it. I’m a vegetarian and proud(ish). Always have been and arguably, always will be. Some of you comment, “You’re SO strange! How can you live without eating meat?” But if you’ve never eaten meat you don’t feel like you’re missing out. But what’s stranger is what I’m about to reveal to you… Honestly, my whole life I’ve never really felt the need to eat meat, it’s never really occurred to me to start. OK, I should probably admit that I do eat fish, so technically I’m a pescetarian but that’s beside the point. That doesn’t change what happened. It was a Tuesday, from what I remember, admittedly the whole scene that is about to unfold felt like I was in a daze. My friend had come into my room claiming he had burnt his hand cooking a whole chicken. He’d come running in with this grilled, barbequed chicken on a plate and was asking for a plaster for his burn, which unfortunately I didn’t have. I had a quick search around my room in which, unaware to my senses, the smell of the chicken was invading my personal space, filling it with the smell of this succulently, perfectly cooked, glazed chicken. Said friend left and I was left alone in my room, unconscious to the fact that I was becoming more ravenous by the minute for the craving of meat, or more precisely – CHICKEN. The day continued as usual and I didn’t think much of the event until the following day. But something was abreast. I woke to an incredibly overwhelming hunger for (the dreaded word!): meat. I thought at first I would be satisfied with fish, as I normally would; however after gobbling down a tin of mackerel my craving was still unfulfilled. I had a class in the afternoon from 13pm so thought that my mind would be distracted, even if only for a few hours. After finishing my lecture at 3pm, I began my walk home which (unfortunately) takes me

past a supermarket, and not a simple, small corner shop. As I was walking, I could feel the shop getting closer and closer and as much as I tried I kept fighting with myself about popping in and buying some *hushed* pre-cooked chicken from the cooked counter, I was of course alone and so who would know? But then again, I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat meat...this isn't me...who am I? I was suffering serious poultry pains. My brain in turmoil I thought, perhaps if I stood in front of it and thought about the purchase, it would put me off because I don't normally buy it. I picked up a cool can of Diet Coke, hoping that if I had something else in my hand I would already be buying something and that would stop me from buying something else...and so I went and stood in front of the cooked counter. The sensation was incredible. It smelt ahmai-zing. To beak or not to beak? I couldn't fight it, I had to buy some chicken; if this craving continued who knows what I would do in this ravenous meat frenzy! I looked around quickly to check no one I knew was near me or in the shop and grabbed a delightfully juicy 'barbeque glazed half chicken' for the price of £2.37 and ran to the till to get out of public eyesight as quickly as possible. Running home, praying under my breath that I wouldn't bump into anyone I knew I eventually reached my halls of residence and sprinted to my room. Once in my room, I locked my door (I obviously had to make sure no one would randomly walk in and find me gnawing on bones and see my transgressive meaty nightmare) and ran to my desk dropping my bag on the bed and throwing my Diet Coke with it. No time to unpack bags. Need chicken NOW.

But then again, I'm a vegetarian, I don't eat meat...this isn't me...who am I?

Looking down at the bones of the chicken I had just devoured without a second thought, I suddenly had a rush of sadness sweep through my body and guilt filled every inch of me. Oh God, what have I done? Almost in tears at this point I felt like I had lied to myself and crossed to a place of sin. I realised I had to get rid of the evidence, and quickly. I couldn't just throw them into my personal bin, what if someone came in and saw secret would be out. Immediate judgement. This needed some tactical thinking. Suddenly I had realised there was a bin in the communal kitchen...that's where I'd put the bones so no one would suspect anything and the finger would not be pointed to me. I quickly shoved the remains into a plastic shopping bag, (I couldn't walk down the hall with the bones in case I bumped into someone I knew) and upon reaching the kitchen I shoved the bag into the bin as far down as I could. Feeling slightly relieved I returned to my room, which now doubled as my abattoir. First, I had to brush my teeth in case anyone could smell it in my breath, then I would sort out my room. Scrubbing as hard as I could, my breath was fresh-

transgressed from my vegetarianism since this episode, but every once in a while, the craving returns…


Whether it’s for coffee, food or public transport we’ve all been there. It’s the universal issue of when you have change you want to spend it, and yet when you have none you always need it; it’s a vicious circle. The number of times I’ve walked into a shop or up to a vending machine hoping to buy a snack to seize my appetite, only to fall short at the last hurdle. I’ve come to realise that whenever I’m hungry or thirsty I never have change but mere tuppence which can’t buy me three one penny sweets.

ened and now onto the room, one step at a time to hide the evidence. Swinging my window fully open to disperse the sinful smell and simultaneously spraying perfume to disguise the dreadful event that had just taken place I sat down on my bed and finally realised the craving had been relieved and I could now return to my happy herbivorous life. Feeling exhausted after being tense for the last hour I suddenly needed to nap. Chicken and a nap, it was the perfect crime. Thinking back on the event, I can't believe how quickly I devoured the chicken, beginning with cutlery and then just throwing them on my desk and diving in with hands - NO TIME FOR CUTLERY. Ripping the chicken bit by bit from its bones with my fangs, I realised how animalistic I was, how barbaric it must have looked, a vegetarian gobbling down chicken barely taking the time to appreciate the taste. I think we've all been there, not in the same situation as me I'm sure, but we've all been guilt ridden at some point for something that we've done that feels naughty and yet oh so pleasurable. I am happy to say that I haven't

By Anonymous Meat Devourer Follow on twitter: @AnonymousMeatDevourer

‘The Trouble With Change’ Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve needed some change and had none?

It’s as simple as: when you have change you want to spend it and yet when you have none you curse yourself for not holding onto that £1 that you found on the side at home. The fact that if we have a £10 note in our purse, we crumple at the thought of having to break it and carry round £9.30 in £1’s, 50p’s, 20p’s and 10p’s, so we jingle for the remainder of the day. Damn you 70p KitKat. And yet, no one ever makes a conscious effort to solve this issue and we’ll still continue complaining about either having too much change or having none. This will continue to annoy me from now until the end of time but what am I going to do about it? Nothing. That’s my problem. I’m not going to do anything to change this. And that, ultimately, is The Trouble With Change.

SPOTLIGHT WITH... Miss Georgina Wheatley—Administrative Assistant at The Royal Opera House 1.

What does your role

entail? My role is to support the Administrator of the Programme in the scheduling, organising and logistics, to support the Artistic Director when necessary, and to look after the artists. The main focus of my role is looking after the schedule, ensuring that everyone is in the right place at the right time and to be able to act resourcefully should any problems arise. I also maintain lots of systems and documents relating to the artists e.g. keeping their biographies up to date, I manage work experience placements in the office (we've had 3 so far since September), and a huge variety of other duties that have developed over the year.

ing around the house. I would say the most exciting event was the production that the Young Artists performed back in October as part of Meet The Young Artists Week (a showcase week to introduce the artists to the ROH audience). Some of the artists get to perform in a unique production, directed by our young stage director and conducted by our young conductors. It's completely down to them and I was so

The best part of my job is the fact that I am expected to attend the final dress rehearsal of every opera production that is within working hours. This is because I have to ensure that any of the available artists attend the rehearsal, in order to support their colleagues as well as be inspired by the stars on stage. For me, it is pretty much as good as seeing the real thing as the opening night will only be a few days after this final rehearsal, plus it's always free and I've always had the opportunity to invite a friend! Pretty good perk! 3. What's the most exciting thing that's happened since you started? I have always found it exciting seeing the stars backstage and wander-

ing thing you've gotten from working at the Royal Opera House? The most rewarding thing is definitely seeing our artists performing on the stage in the Main House productions. Although my contribution to that may not seem particularly direct, knowing that you've been supporting them and helping them through the production process (which varies with differing directors and conductors who have differing opinions on every artist) to see them perform so professionally that you wouldn't even think that they were "young" makes me so proud and is truly fulfilling. 6. How easy have you found

2. What's the best part of your job?

5. What's the most reward-

the change from university excited and felt so proud to see what they had accomplished, baring in mind that some of the singers had only been in London and on the Programme since September! 4. Who's the most famous person you've met at work? The most famous person I've met would have to be Sir Antonio Pappano, the Musical Director of the opera. He is a hugely famous conductor who has been at the ROH since 2002 but still travels the world to conduct in other venues. I'm not entirely sure what he was awarded when he became a Sir but his services to classical music are pretty considerable! There are plenty of other opera stars that I've walked past or had a quick conversation with but I would have to say that I've actually met Tony properly (yeah, I get to call him Tony!)

to the working world? I have really enjoyed the change to the working world. When I was coming to the end of my final year, I was completely ready to leave education for a while. Having had no gap year and been examined every year for 7 years, I was perfectly happy to try something new. I've been commuting from home in East Sussex which wasn't part of the original plan (I was hoping to move to London as soon as possible but the appropriate opportunity just didn't arise) and can be tough at times but I have really adapted - wouldn't go as far to say that I'm a morning person now though! The small amount of holiday is tough to adjust to and work has its ups and downs, busy times and quiet times, but because I love the place I work in so much and I actually really enjoy the work I do (more than I was originally ex-

-pecting as it is much more administrationally based rather than musically) it has really been worth it and I don't plan on returning to education any time soon. 7. What are your plans for the future? As this position is a fixed-term, 11month contract, coming to an end in July, I have been looking for my next job for a month or two now. I would love to be able to take a step towards music in my next position so I have been looking for opportunities in concert programming, music librarianship, music editing and working as an agent or company manager. I have an interview on Friday for a well-established, international classical music agency to be an Assis-

tant Artist Manager in the Conductors and Instrumentalists division (bottom of the ladder basically). I am really excited about this position as it is the only job I've applied for so far that seemed appropriate in responsibility, salary and sounded exciting! It's similar to my current position in that I am looking after a group of artists, their contracts, their travel, their working lives. There is also a lot of opportunity for progression in that sector. If I take to the work, I may well be able to set up my own agency after a while!

Interested in working at the Royal Opera House? Or Want to attend an event? Visit the website at: Royal Opera House Entrance on Bow Street

Promotion—Slankets! Who benefits? Some would say the plastics industry, some would say the wool farmers. The slanket is the foot in the door of the aforementioned disenfranchised farm. Thus, benefit comes with the slanket. The garment par excellence has been delivered to the banal consumer on mass and the surplus value of this product cannot be understated in the achievement of the capitalist comfort society. This oversized full length body blanket not only covers your whole body but this blanket has a twist; it has sleeves (hence the name – blanket with sleeves: slanket). Some people might argue that a blanket is sufficient; however this ingenious invention surpasses all blankets through the simple addition which enables all users to be given comfort juxtaposed with dexterity. The adult-sized slanket averages at around 60 inches by 95 inches and is suitable for all of us who appreciate a good cuddle. Pricing around £20-£30, no pocket is too shallow or too constrained upon that it may stretch inexorably to the purchase, Nay investment, nay the marriage of man and fibre, that is the slanket. 100 percent polyester? The slanket is artificially produced and yet prosperity comes from that which is manmade in both resource and technique and moreover is machine washable, assisting those of us with sticky hands. Movement having too long been repudiated by the fashion industry, the slanket lets man enter into a new stratus of domestic gymnastic excellence. 'Fancy a cuppa guv'. You look up; a normal kitchen of 2014, early spring, how will you negotiate this delicate request only true flexibility and preparedness at the hands of unexpected guests can be facilitated by the utilisation of the true generosity that only this brand of slanket can provide. Never again, will society dismiss the conventions surrounding the comforts of home. You didn’t think you needed a toaster and now you can’t live without one. Slankets are coming to stay. Purchase from all major retailers. Price may vary.

Anna Augousti

Writing in the Media Magazine  
Writing in the Media Magazine  

University Portfolio for LL530 at University of Kent, Canterbury.