Broken Pieces Made New By Angie Webb http://angiekaywebb.com The pieces littered my heart; broken pieces that seemed to be lost to repair or renewing. The depths of pain from the past had overtaken my heart and filled my life with fear, anxiety and eventually agoraphobia. The pieces of multiple suicides in my family as well as the murder of my grandmother by my grandfather seemed to be my reality and the place I sensed my own life would eventually end. Suicide, mental illness and bondages to the past were so prevalent in my own family; I could not fathom any other outcome. I had lived with fear and anxiety all of my life; from the earliest memories of 4 or 5 years old, yet through the dysfunctional family dynamic, the fear was never dealt with or sought help for. Over a period of time, through neglect and abuse at home, the fear became my best friend. I knew what to expect and how to “control” my world on some levels so I could function. Yet, when life spun out of control first in 1990 in the death of my police officer brother in law to suicide and then again in 1991 to an uncle’s death by his own hands, my world seemed to be on a downward spiral that I had no hope of gaining control of ever again. After living in an abusive home, I vowed never to be “that mom” yet often I found myself living that life. A life I never wanted for my children, yet I found myself in at times. I was a very anxious, fear filled wife and mother, who had no idea what was wrong with me or how to “fix” what was wrong. As a young mom of 24 years old, I had no idea how to handle suicides or how to help my young children heal either. We all were in a sinking ship and no one knew how to find a life preverser. We just held on tightly to each other, all the while struggling to move forward after such loss.
The enemy never seemed to give up on his attacks and in 1996 my grandmother was murdered by my grandfather who then took his own life. I gave up on life at this point. Nothing was worth living for anymore. I quit driving alone on the highway and basically lived in a very small bubble of functioning in my â€œcomfort zone.â€? My world continued to shrink and shrink due to the overwhelming fear, anxiety and panic attacks. Life was passing me by and such a depth of hopelessness engulfed me and my heart. As a Christian from the age of 12 years old, I knew that God was a God that heard my cries for help and healing, yet for some reason He was ignoring my pain and cries. Maybe I was not worthy of his help or healing. I knew that the prayers I was praying seemed to be only reaching my own ears because the fear continued to control my life. Life just continued to move forward, while I stayed stuck in the past. My feet would not cooperate in moving forward, but more importantly, my heart could not move forward. The life I was living only existed. Fear was my best buddy and worst enemy all rolled up into one. Yet, most cannot relate unless they have themselves experienced fear, panic attacks and/or agoraphobia. Dreams were squashed and the enemy had won; or so he thought.. Yet, my dreams are now a reality and God has a big dream for me as well. Dream BIG with God.
God has used my story to help others struggling because I can relate and I have compassion for those in the midst of such deep heartache of loss from tragedies. In 2012, after more than 40 years of struggle, God set me free from anxiety, fear and agoraphobia. Since 2012, my family and I have made new memories and healed much from the past. God is a God of restoration, hope, possibilities, promises and healing. I am proof that nothing is lost; even the pain. I wish I had never had to struggle with fear, anxiety or the numerous deaths, yet that was the story I was handed, so I want to do it justice. First and foremost, I do not want the enemy to control my life any longer. I am FREE and God wants you FREE as well. IF THE SON SETS YOU FREE, THEN YOU ARE TRULY FREE. JOHN 8:36
Bio: Hi from the great state of Texas. I am Angie and love God, my dogs and my family. Life hasnâ€™t always been easy for me, yet God has redeemed the past with a wonderful present and a promising future. He has the same for you as well. I share my story of living with fear, anxiety and agoraphobia and the healing I have experienced in hopes of helping others. God is a loving God who wants the best for you.