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Marriage Misunderstandings

premarital counseling, conflict resolution, marriage helps

Andrew and Sara Knight


© 2012  Andrew  and  Sara  Knight   All  logos,  icons,  and  images  courtesy  of  Mysitemyway  Design  Team.     Scripture  quotations  are  from  The  Holy  Bible,  English  Standard  Version  (ESV ),  copyright  ©   ®

®

2001 by  Crossway,  a  publishing  ministry  of  Good  News  Publishers.  Used  by  permission.  All   rights  reserved.     See  http://LeaderMaking.com/Relationships.html  


Contents 1.    Christ – the source for marriage 2. Conflict – the future of marriage 3. Crazy Cycle – inevitable in marriage 4. Communication – understanding in marriage 5. Connectivity – the responsibility in marriage 6. Closeness – the misunderstanding of marriage 7. Currency – the reality of marriage 8. Calling – the partnership in marriage 9. Commitments – the expectations of marriage 10. Cleaving – the surprise of marriage

“Marriage is  patterned  after  Christ’s  covenant  relationship  to  his  redeemed   people,  the  church.  And  therefore,  the  highest  meaning  and  the  most  ultimate   purpose  of  marriage  is  to  put  the  covenant  relationship  of  Christ  and  his  church   on  display.  That  is  why  marriage  exists.…”  John  Piper   Staying married, therefore, is not mainly about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. ‘Til death do us part’ or ‘As long as we both shall live’ is a sacred covenant promise — the same kind Jesus made with his bride


Expectations

Beforehand q Listen  to  Tim  Keller’s  “Marriage”  or  Mark  Driscoll’s  “Peasant  Princess”   Audio  series   q Attend  Bethlehem  Baptist  Church  Pre-­‐Marriage  Classes   q Read  This  Momentary  Marriage  by  John  Piper   q Listen  to  Relationships  Talk,  MNYC  2009,  by  the  Knight’s     During   q Prepare/Enrich  Assessment   q Complete  all  assigned  discussion  ,  readings,  and  exercises   q Read  Rick  Holland’s  10  dating  Principles     After   q Attend  BBC  Marriage  retreat   q Set  up  Sunday  Spouse  Time  Evaluation  Sheet   q Read  Love  that  Lasts  by  Gary  and  Betsy  Ricucci   q Read  The  Exemplary  Husband  and  The  Exemplary  Wife    


Agreement             Marriage  can  be  the  greatest  experience  on  earth.  The  Heavenly  Creator  designed  it  that  way.  It  is  an  honor  that  you  are   considering  me  to  have  a  part  at  the  beginning.  Every  wedding  I  have  participated  in  has  been  a  joy.  I  care  deeply  about   the   couples   I   marry   and   feel   a   special   kinship   with   them   long   after,   even   over   great   distances.   So,   thank   you   for   this   invitation.     Since  marriage  is  the  most  profound  relationship  between  two  people,  and  my  agreement  to  lead  in  a  Christian  testimony   of   marriage   includes   my   pledge   to   pray   for   and   nurture   your   love,   I   ask   for   more   than   most   ministers   prior   to   the   wedding.   If   you   agree   to   meet   the   following   requirements,   which   reflect   my   personal   convictions   as   to   how   best   I   may   obey  the  Lord’s  instructions  on  marriage,  it  will  be  my  deep  pleasure  to  serve  at  your  wedding.  If  they  are  inconvenient  or   objectionable  in  some  way,  I  will  understand  your  decision  to  look  elsewhere.  They  are  things  that  I  have  found  worthy  of   our  time  and  will  add  strength  and  wisdom  and  richness  to  your  marriage.  The  Lord’s  grace  be  with  you.    

YOUR COMMITMENT   1.

2. 3.

You must  agree  to  evaluate  the  biblical  injunctions  that  Christians  ought  to  marry  only  Christians  (1  Corinthians   7:39;   2   Corinthians   6:14).   My   understanding   of   Christian   is   one   who   trusts   in   Christ   by   following   his   commands   (1John  1:5  -­‐  2:6).   You  must  agree  to  maintain  or  change  to  a  celibate  lifestyle  until  your  marriage.   You  must  agree  to  take  the  PREPARE  Pre-­‐marital  inventory  and  meet  for  3-­‐4  pre-­‐marital  sessions  prior  to  the   wedding.  Topics  for  discussion  include  background  and  personality  issues,  communication,  conflict  resolution,   spiritual  life,  roles,  sexuality,  planning  the  ceremony,  etc.  These  have  proved  to  be  enjoyable  and  informative.  If   at  some  point  in  the  process  it  becomes  evident  that  a  conflict  exists  that  refuses  to  be  attended,  I  reserve  the   right  to  withdraw.  

MY COMMITMENT   1. 2. 3.

I agree  to  plan  your  service  according  to  your  wishes  as  much  as  possible.  Creative  ideas  or  traditional  formats   are  fine.  Suggestions  from  others  (parents,  relatives,  etc.)  will  have  your  final  confirmation.  It  is  your  wedding.   I  agree  to  pray  for  you  on  a  regular  basis,  not  only  that  your  marriage  endure,  but  that  it  will  be  enjoyable  as  you   learn  the  grace  and  truth  of  the  gospel  and  apply  it  to  your  home.   I   agree   that   apart   from   the   cost   of   materials   used   in   the   pre-­‐marriage   counseling   ($30   for   the   PREPARE   inventory  and  any  study  books  you  may  purchase),  no  fee  is  required,  and  is  optional  and  at  your  discretion.  It  is   enough  payment  to  see  you  willing  to  work  at  your  marriage,  even  before  it  starts.  

NOTE:   Though   the   rightness   or   wrongness   of   re-­‐marriage   after   divorce   has   long   been   debated   by   godly   Christians,   at   this   point  in  my  understanding,  my  conscience  does  not  permit  me  to  officiate  at  weddings  where  one  or  both  partners  have   been  divorced  and  the  divorced  partner  is  living.     I  agree  to  carry  out  the  terms  of  this  agreement.  

Mr.  

__________________________________________        Date:  __________________________  

Ms.    

__________________________________________          Date:    _________________________  


Timeline        

o Session #1  –  Introductions   § Christ  –  the  source  for  marriage   § Conflict  –  the  future  of  marriage   -­‐ Exercise:  Conflict  Resolution       o Session  #2  –  Knowing  One  Another   § Crazy  Cycle  –  inevitable  in  marriage   § Communication  –  understanding  in  Marriage   § Connectivity  –  the  responsibility  in  marriage   -­‐ Exercise:  Active  Listening       o Session  #3  –  Living  with  one  Another   § Closeness  –  the  misunderstanding  in  marriage   § Currency  –  the  reality  of  marriage   § Calling  –  the  partnership  in  marriage   -­‐ Exercise:  Budget       o Session  #4  -­‐  -­‐  Expectations  for  Marriage   § Calling  –  the  partnership  in  marriage   § Commitments  –  the  expectations  of  marriage   § Cleaving  –  the  surprise  of  marriage   -­‐ Exercise:  Ceremony  details  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Christ

Notes …

Marriage exists to tell the Truth

“Christ restores  first   things  so  that  second   things  are  not   suppressed,  but   increased!    When   God  reigns  in  our   hearts,  peace  reigns   in  our  relationships.”   CS  Lewis  

about Christ and the Church

1.  All  marriages  are  temporary   • • •

Matthew 22:30   All  relationships  rise  in  intimacy  and  fulfillment  in  heaven   Matthew  19:3-­‐9  on  Divorce  –No  Grounds  for  it  

2.  Marriage  is  the  relational  presentation  of  the  gospel   • •

Ephesians 5:22-­‐33   Covenant-­‐keeping  vs.  Staying  in  Love  

3.  Marriage  reveals  God-­‐like  roles  (Image-­‐bearing)   • • • • •

Husband (God  the  Father)   Wife  (God  the  Son;  “helper”)   Mutual  Submission  –  I  Peter  3:1-­‐7,  Eph.  5:21   Satan  attacked  this  from  beginning   Complementary  vs.  Supplemental  view    

4.    Marriage  exists  by  grace,  as  does  your  marriage  to  Christ.              (Expect  this)  

 

DISCUSSION

1. What did  you  previously  think  about  the  purpose  of  marriage?   2. How  does  realizing  all  marriages  will  end  make  you  feel?  

Submission isn’t  a   matter  of  who  is   smarter  or  most   deserving.  Submission  in   marriage  is  simply   another  reflection  of  the   beautiful  pattern  of   roles  seen  in  the   Trinity.”  Elyse   Fitzpatrick  

“Remember, your   relationships  have   not  been  designed  by   God  as  vehicles  for   human  happiness  but   as  instruments  of   redemption.”        Tim   Lane  and  Paul  Trip  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Conflict

Notes …

In marriage you will have trouble…

No human   relationships  can   exist  long-­‐term   without  the  matter   of  forgiveness.  (70   x  7  principle)  

1 Cor. 7:28

1.  Expect  conflict  and  forgiveness  because  you  are  a  sinner   saved  by  grace.   • •

Compartmentalizer (salad)  vs.   Personalizer  (soup)  

2.  Circumstances  do  not  cause  sin,  but  reveal  it.     3.    Identifying  your  conflict-­‐language:   • • •

Scream   Sarcasm   Silence    

4.  Humility  and  Initiation  are  conflict  killers   • • •

Forgiveness is  not   predicated  on   forgetfulness  OR   feeling,  BUT  on   promise.  

Commitment to  being  wrong  1st,  change  1st   Understanding  BEFORE  being  Understood   Act,  don’t  REACT;  Think    Initiate    Pray    

5.    Talking  to  yourself  vs.  listening  to  yourself   • Ask,  “How  does  she/he  feel?”                            not  “Is  it  right  for  them  to  feel  this  way.”   • YOU  are  your  greatest  marriage  problem.   DISCUSSION  

Conflict Killer  Convo   1)  I’m  sorry.   2)  Will  you  forgive  me?   3)  What  can  I  do  to   make  it  up  to  you?    

Paradigms Bearing  vs.  Bringing  up   Compost  pile  vs.  Convo   Repentance  vs.  Relief   Can  I  have  you  back?  

  Desire  Spiral  

Desire Demand   Need   Expectation   Disappointment   Punishment     Paul  David  Tripp,  Instruments  

1. Identify your  conflict  language?    How  might  this  be  hard  for  your  partner?   2. What  do  you  need  to  hear  most  often  during  conflict?      

in the  Redeemer’s  Hands  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Exercise #1

Notes …

Conflict Resolution – Honesty Goal:  honesty  and  brokenness     Exercise:  The  point  of  the  exercise  is  to  set  expectations  for  what   topics  might  ignite  or  have  already  ignited  conflict  for  a  couple.    The   key  is  to  get  sin/conflict  out  in  the  open  so  that  it  can  be  dealt  with   and  resolved.    This  exercise  is  not  helpful  unless  the  two  partners  are   very  honest  about  getting  their  dirty  laundry  and  true  feelings  out  in   the  open.         First,  answer,  “What  frustrates  you  most  often  about  your  spouse?     Why?”  (ie.  Pet-­‐peeve  sins)         Secondly,  when  is  it  helpful  to  bring  up  things  (to  confront  your   spouse  on  an  issue)  and  when  should  you  just  bear  with  them?     Make  a  list  of  things  that  would  be  considered  sin  on  their  part   (bring  up  items)  and  a  list  of  things  that  would  be  personality  quirks   or  living  habits,  which  are  not  sin  (which  are  examples  of  things  to   bear  with).    Share  when  finished  and  also  communicate  how   you  respond  best  to  confrontation.         Thirdly,  How  do  you  treat/view  your  spouse?    Identify  with  one:  “Do   you  dehumanize  your  spouse  in  that  they  either  become  vehicles  (to   serve  you)  or  obstacles  (that  get  in  the  way  of  your  idols)  more   often?  ~  Paul  David  Tripp    

HONESTY:  How   can  they  change   what  they  don’t   know  to  change?     They  cannot  know   what  hurts  you   unless  you  tell   them.  

Aim to  Listen  and   Learn  from  your   spouse  and  not     defend  and  justify!   Bear  or  Bring  Up?   Asking  this  and  then   applying  it  will   revolutionize  your   marriage.    

BROKENNESS: How  do  you  USE   or  ABUSE  your   spouse  for  your   own  selfish  ends?  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Crazy Cycle Ephesians 5:33 Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs

1.    Without  love  she  responds  without  respect  and  without   respect  he  responds  without  love       • •

Air hose  analogy   Bus  Ride  analogy  

2.  He  made  them  male  and  Female  –  Jesus   • • •

Not wrong,  just  different  (air  hose)   Not  unequal,  just  unique     Complementary  vs.  Supplementary  view  of  marriage  

3.  Conditional  vs.  Unconditional  Giving  of  love  and  respect   •

Not about  deserving  it  –  What  condition(s)  do  you  hold  your   future  spouse  to  receive  love/respect?      

But needing  it  –  How  does  your  future  spouse  best  like  to   receive  love/respect?    

4.  Do  you  know  your  spouse  enough  to  meet  their  needs?   • 1  Peter  3:7    

DISCUSSION   1. Memorize  Ephesians  5:33.   2. In  what  ways  do  you  feel  unloved  or  disrespected  by  your  fiancé?    

Notes … Roles  to  Serve     Husband   1) Love   2) Lead   3) Learn     Wife   1) Submit   2) Respect   3) Help   Faith  Biblical  Counseling,   Track  1  

A Complement   adds  to  an   incomplete  thing,   thus  making  it   complete.         A  Supplement  is  an   addition  to  an   already  completed   entity.       “Every  husband  is   responsible  to   know  his  own  wife   well  enough  to   apply  God’s   principles  to  living   with  her…He   should  live  with   her  while  taking   into  consideration   information  that  is   crucial.”       Stuart  Scott    


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Communication Blue and Pink are not just two dialects, but two very different languages 1.    Men  and  women  hear,  speak,  and  see  through:  pink/blue   hearing  aides,  pink/blue  megaphones,  and  pink/blue  glasses:  

Notes …

4 Laws  of   Communication   1. Be  Honest   2. Keep  Current   3. Attack  the         Problem,  not  the   Person.   4. Act,  don’t  React   Faith  Biblical  Counseling,  Track  1  

Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs

• •

It’s not  just  what  you  say,  but  what  your  spouse  hears  too.       Do  you  speak  with  words  they  understand,  listen  to  what  they   mean,  and  see  through  their  eyes.    

2.  Proverbs  18:13  Principle   • •

Justifying vs.  Hearing   Is  this  a  “Fix  it”  or  “Feel  it”  conversation?  

4.  It’s  not  what  you  say  most  of  the  time,  BUT:   • • •  

When you  say  it?  (timing)   What  you  say?  (tact)  –  the  words  you  use   How  you  say  it?  (tone)  

5.  Speaking  to  yourself  is  your  greatest  word  to  anyone  about   anything.    

DISCUSSION 1. When  do  you  feel  most  misunderstood  by  your  fiancé?     2. What  is  something  that  your  fiancé  does  not  know  about  you?    

“He who  answers   before  He  hears  it  is   to  his  folly  and  his   shame.”    Proverbs   18:13  

“We destroy  

arguments and   every  lofty  opinion   raised  against  the   knowledge  of  God,   and  take  every   thought  captive  to   obey  Christ,  being   ready  to  punish   every  disobedience,   when  your   obedience  is   complete.”       2  Cor.  10:5-­‐6  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Connectivity Face to  face  vs.  Shoulder  to  Shoulder     Love  and  Respect,  Emerson  Eggerichs      

1.  Women  connect  face-­‐to-­‐face  –  Emotional   • •

Respect her  need  to  have  you  open  up   Respect  her  need  to  connect  over  deep  conversation  (Ask   heart  questions)  

2.  Men  connect  shoulder-­‐to-­‐shoulder  –  Experiential   • •

Respect his  need  for  companionship   Respect  his  need  for  shared  experience  

3.    How  do  they  connect?    Feel  loved?  (5  love  languages)   • • • • •

Quality time   Gift   Acts  of  service   Words  of  affirmation   Touch  

4.    What  does  your  ideal  day-­‐off  look  like?    Evening  look  like?  

• •

Understand the  differences?   Serve  your  spouse  or  yourself?  

DISCUSSION 1. How  do  you  think  your  fiancé  connects  most  deeply  and  frequently?   2. What  steps  need  to  be  taken  to  meet  your  fiancé’s  need?        

Notes … Wives  say…   C-­‐O-­‐U-­‐P-­‐L-­‐E     Closeness   Openness   Understanding   Peacemaking   Loyalty   Esteem     Husbands  say…   C-­‐H-­‐A-­‐I-­‐R-­‐S     Conquest   Hierarchy   Authority   Insight     Relationship   Sexuality   Love  and  Respect,  Emerson   Eggerichs  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Exercise #2 Understanding –  Active  Listening     Prepare/Enrich  Assessment  Training      

Goal: to  understand,  not  be  understood       Exercise:  Have  one  partner  verbalize  three  things  that  would   make  them  happy  if  their  partner  were  to  change  about   himself/herself.    “It  would  make  me  really  happy  if….”         The  listening  partner  is  to  hear  what  their  partner  says  and   repeat  it  back  to  them.    The  goal  is  not  to  be  understood,  but  to   understand.  Resist  the  urge  to  defend  or  justify  yourself  with   your  partner.    Just  try  to  understand  and  hear  what  they   communicate.         So,  repeat  back,  “I  heard  you  say  you  would  be  happier  if…”    

Notes …


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Closeness Intimacy – everything is different, yet everything is the same 1.    Purpose   • •

Oneness –  Tells  the  truth  about  God  and  People   Service  vs.  Selfishness  (1  Cor.  7:3-­‐5)  

2.    Expectations   • • •

Women need  to  be  visually  generous   Men  need  to  be  verbally  generous  and  affectionate  without   sexual  intentions.       What  are  your  sexual  preferences?  

2.    Physical  vs.  Emotional  Intimacy   • • •

Women are  generally  more  emotional   Men  are  generally  more  physical   Sex  for  a  man  ≠  Sex  for  a  woman  

3.  Physical  and  Emotional  intimacy  are  needs,  not  just  wants   • • •

Give it  or  Deprive  it   Motivation  vs.  Manipulation   How  will  you  handle  one  another’s  needs?  

DISCUSSION 1. What’s  the  purpose  of  closeness?    How  is  it  misunderstood  in  culture?   2. Talk  over  your  relational/physical  past  after  having  completed  this  section   and  spoken  with  your  counselors.    

Notes … The  Center  for   Disease  Control   (CDC)  reports  that   about  60%  of  all   couples  now   cohabit  before   marriage.  They   also  surveyed   20,000  married   couples  (now   married  15  years   later)  who  had   cohabited  (CDC   Cohabitation   Study,  2012).  They   found  that  if  they   were  engaged  and   cohabiting,  the   divorce  rate  was   the  same  as  non-­‐ cohabiting  couples.  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Currency

Notes … Is  the  rigidness  of  a   financial  philosophy   and  the  exactness  of   counting  pennies   worth  having  if  it   means  your   marriage  suffers?     You  can  have  the   whole  world…  yet   forfeit  your  soul      

Finances, “giving as much as you can, saving as much as you can, and living on as little as you can.”

1.  Expectations     • • • •

Why do  most  marriages  begin  to  crumble  at  the  subject  of   finances?   Who  will  be  the  buck  stopper?   How  will  they  be  done?   When  will  they  be  tracked?  

2.  Philosophy   • • •

Saving –  how  and  where  does  each  spouse  save?   Spending  –  what  did  each  spouse  spend  money  on?   Giving  –  how  and  to  who  does  each  spouse  currently  give?  

TREASURE PRINCIPLES   1.    God  owns  everything;  I’m   His  money  manager.   We  are  the  managers  of  the   assets  God  has  entrusted—not   given—to  us.   2.    My  heart  always  goes   where  I  put  God’s  money.   Watch  what  happens  when  you   reallocate  your  money   from  temporal  things  to  eternal   things   3.    Heaven—the  New  Earth,   not  the  present  one—is  my   home.    We  are  citizens  of    “a  

3.  Potential  Problems   • • • •

No budget   Lack  of  planning   Trust   Be  Flexible  

better country—a  heavenly   one”(Hebrews  11:16).   4.    I  should  live  today  not  for   the  dot,  but  for  the  line.    From   the  dot—our  present  life  on   earth—extends  a  line   that  goes  on  forever,  which  is   eternity  in  Heaven   5.    Giving  is  the  only  antidote   to  materialism.   Giving  is  a  joyful  surrender  to  a   greater  person  and  a  greater   agenda.  It  dethrones  me  and  

DISCUSSION 1. Identify  the  saver  and  the  spender  of  the  relationship?   2. Which  convictions  do  you  want  to  direct  your  financial  philosophy  

exalts Him.   6.      God  prospers  me  not  to   raise  my  standard  of  living   but  to  raise  my  standard  of   giving.     Randy  Alcorn,  epm.org    


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Calling

Notes …

Your roads never fork? What are  your   convictions?      

1.    Expectations   • •

Do you  have  similar  dreams/ambitions?   What  do  you  do  when  you  don’t?   -­‐ Pray  for  God  to  give  a  united  stance.   -­‐ Trust  he  will  not  make  you  deny  one  calling  for   another.       -­‐ Submit  to  God’s  design  in  headship   Best  Friends  vs.  Ministry/business  partner  

2.  Calling  –  defined   • • • •

desire gifting   opportunity   need  

4. In marriage  when  we  say  “I  do”  that  means  we  could  be   saying  “I  don’t”  to  something  else.   • •

Wives need  to  hear  this   Husbands  need  to  see  this  

 

DISCUSSION

1. What is  your  most  ideal  future  or  occupational  scenario  and  which  one  

you  the  most?   scares   2.   What  will  you  do  when  you  disagree  over  your  future  or  decision-­‐making?  

 

Your convictions   do  not  prevent  a   difference  in  life   trajectory,  but  can   surely  refine  and   narrow  the   trajectories  you   could  walk  down   or  be  forced  to   choose  from  one   day.     A  calling  to  Christ   should  never  make   you  forfeit  your   calling  as  a  spouse   (but  only  further   it).    If  it  does,  one   needs  to  reexamine   and  reconsider   what  he  or  she  has   been  called  to  and   ask,    ‘Is  the  Caller   legitimately  God  or   me?’  

Calling What  we  do   Where  we  do  it   Why  we  do  it   How  we  do  it  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Exercise #3 The Budget – Working Together Goal: to  save  and  give  as  much  as  you  can,  while  living  on  as   little  as  you  can     Exercise:  Fill  in  the  following  fields…    

Total Couple  Income:    $  _______________   Total  Couple  Giving:        $  _______________   Total  Couple  Saving:      $  ________________     Remaining  Amount  to  Budget:  $  ______________   Housing          $  ___________________   Insurances  $  ___________________   Utilities              $  ___________________   Loans                      $  ___________________   Food                          $  ___________________   Dates                        $  ___________________   Clothing              $  ___________________   Auto/Gas          $  ___________________   Toiletries          $  ___________________   Misc                              $  ___________________  

Notes …


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Commitments

Notes …

Expectations are everything. Except of course when they are not stated. 1. Expectations • • • • • • • • • •

Home? Schedule? Family? Vacations? Cooking? Yard? Sleep, Wake up, Go to Bed… Ideal Night? Sex/Intimacy? Conflict?

2. Expectations are never indefinite? • •

Am I meeting your expectations? Sunday Spouse Time § Spiritual § Physical § Organizational § Financial

DISCUSSION 1. Which  areas  do  you  line  up  most  evenly?    Most  differently?   2. In  what  ways  are  your  expectations  unrealistic?  

Proverbs 13:12   Hope  deferred   makes  the  heart   sick,  but  a  desire   fulfilled  is  a  tree  of   life”  (ESV)  

Don’t forget  to  set   expectations  in  the   “little  things”   because  you  will  be   doing  a  lot  of  the   “little  things.”  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Cleaving

Notes …

you shall leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife

The exercise  or  loss   of  this  principle   will  make  or  break   your  marriage.  

1. Easier said than done, but more beautiful done than said! 2. Expectations • • •

What would you like to see happen before we could get married? What will be hard for you to leave? In what areas are you more set in your ways?

3. Leaving – literally means “to desert” • •

Leaving 1) Family  

Who is doing more of the leaving? Evaluate what each of you are leaving

2) Traditions 3) Practices  

4. Cleaving – means “being joined” • • •

What will be “fresh start” for you? (ie. Living) What are you looking for one to fill emotionally/relationally? What roles are each one looking for the other to fill practically?

4) Values   Cleaving   1) United  front   2) Loyalty   3) Submission  

4) Serve

5) Priority

  DISCUSSION 3.   What  will  each  spouse  find  it  hardest  to  leave?    Family?    Traditions?   4. What  does  each  spouse  think  the  other  needs  to  learn  to  leave  now?  


Marriage Misunderstandings – Knights

Exercise #4 The Ceremony – Illustrating the Gospel Goal: structure a service that tells the truth about the Gospel and is personally satisfying. Exercise: Account for the following details…

q q q q q q q q q q q      

Music Vows: traditional or personal Processionals Order of Ceremony – get from Officiant Rings Ushers Ring Bearer or Flower Girl? Family Preferences Officiant/Pastor Wedding Coordinator? Message Preference/Focus

Notes …


http://LeaderMaking.com/Relationships.html

Marriage Misunderstandings