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<div class="noPrint ppPathNav ui-widget-content ui-corner-all"><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/" title="Return to the main menu">main menu</a><span class="ui-icon ui-icon-circle-triangle-e jqIcon" style=""></span><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/category/2/Andrena-s-Bits-Pieces/" title="Return to list of articles for this category">Andrenas s Bits &amp; Pieces</a><span class="ui-icon ui-icon-circle-triangle-e jqIcon" style=""></span><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/article/19/Fragmented-Families/" title="View this Article">Fragmented Families</a></div> <div class="pageitem"> <div class="newsSectionBox newsArticle"> <div class="newsDateOnly ui-state-active">February 3rd, 2012</div> <div class="newsArticleSpecs"><div class="newsQStats ui-state-active newsDate">February 3rd, 2012</div> <ul><li><span class="ui-icon ui-icon-folder-open jqIcon" style=""></span> <a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/category/2/Andrena-s-Bits-Pieces/" title="View this category">Andrena&acute;s Bits &amp; Pieces</a></li> </ul></div> <h1><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/article/19/Fragmented-Families/" title="Permalink">Fragmented Families</a></h1> <h4></h4> <div class="newsImage nicomplete nileft"> <a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/images/news/3-4f2c3b2748785.jpg" title="" rel="lightbox=19"><img src="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/images/news/t_34f2c3b2748785.jpg" alt="" class="newsImage" /></a> </div> &nbsp; <br /> I have decided to write...after all, Clint can&acute;t be the only blogger in the family. <br /> For me, the act of writing is an ongoing exploration, a continuous learning. As I write I discover and solidify new beliefs about myself, my family, friends and the world around me. <br /> <br /> &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&n bsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Fragmented Families <br /> <br /> Over the years I have listened to many stories of family estrangement and contemplated their meanings. Sometimes, not always, I am able to see estrangement as a vital opportunity for personal growth however as I am currently dealing with my own personal &#8220;family estrangement&#8221; I am definitely struggling to seize the opportunity. <br /> <br /> Conflict in our personal relationships is unavoidable. We are all unique individuals with different backgrounds and values so, from time to time, there is bound to be conflict. Unless we know how to handle the anger of these conflicts appropriately, it is likely we will mismanage them every time. Failed attempts to &#8220;resolve&#8221; our conflicts can ultimately lead to the deterioration and end of our relationships. Nothing


can be more painful or puzzling than the deterioration of a family relationship. <br /> <br /> What is it about &#8220;fragmented families&#8221; that makes us all feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed? From my experience there is often a great deal of guilt and shame surrounding the fact that we can&acute;t always make our family relationships work. When family members are angry and hurt and stop talking to each other guilt and shame seems to escalate. I would like to suggest that when people struggle to use words, they may resort to actions that symbolize the intensity of their emotions; these actions often involve severing ties with one another.&nbsp;&nbsp;Being shut out by loved ones can be agonizing; the only thing you can focus on is your own personal grief. You can&acute;t make someone reconcile with you, and that&acute;s extremely painful to accept. It is my belief that relationships die when people stop talking. The longer the silence the harder it becomes to mend or heal the relationship. <br /> <br /> It is my opinion that intolerance is often the root cause of family fights that lead to estrangement. By intolerant I mean that we are often unwilling to consider another&acute;s point of view. We struggle when it comes to giving up a grudge and many of us have no idea what it means to &quot;really&quot; apologize and truly forgive. A true apology is an expression of remorse or guilt over having said or done something that is acknowledged to be hurtful or damaging. It must involve a request for forgiveness. <br /> <br /> Living with a family estrangement is extremely painful and can even be debilitating. Many people believe that a family rift is one of the most traumatic experiences a person can face. It can have a profound effect on virtually every aspect of life, causing depression, other relationship problems and even physical illness. The reason I am putting my thoughts down for all to see is that I have decided that, for me, all healing starts from within. I would also like to suggest that the most important reconciliation should be the one we make with ourselves. We should not allow to our family&acute;s willingness or unwillingness to participate in the healing process to take away our peace of mind. We should no longer be embarrassed or filled with shame and to the best of our abilities we should strive to feel good about ourselves; we should be at peace. <br /> <em> <br /> &quot;All the years you have waited for them to &quot;make it up to you&quot; and all the energy you expended trying to make them change (or make them pay) kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life. And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.&quot;</em> (Lewis B. Smedes) <br /> <br /> Andrena M. Smith <br /> <br />


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18:22:08</div></div></div><div class="ppComment" id="ppcComment3"><div class="ppcContent">Wonderful website Andrena&nbsp;&nbsp;and Clint!&nbsp;&nbsp; May you enjoy making your dreams come true with this interesting and healing work you are doing. All the best to you both - best wishes.</div><div class="ppcInfo"><div class="ppcUser"><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/xde/user.php? action=profile&amp;uid=13" title="View user terayza">terayza</a></div><div class="ppcDate">February 5th, 2012 01:28:10</div></div></div><div class="ppComment" id="ppcComment5"><div class="ppcContent">Estrangement, in my life, came in a few phases.&nbsp;&nbsp; For me, it was the five stages of grief.&nbsp;&nbsp;Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and then Acceptance.&nbsp;&nbsp;I am at the point of Acceptance.&nbsp;&nbsp;Whatever, will be, will be, with no expectations.&nbsp;&nbsp;It is, what it is.&nbsp;&nbsp;And I feel better.&nbsp;&nbsp;And that is what matters the most.&nbsp;&nbsp; Great article Andrea.&nbsp;&nbsp;Looking forward to more. </div><div class="ppcInfo"><div class="ppcUser"><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/xde/user.php? action=profile&amp;uid=14" title="View user supertoddy">supertoddy</a></div><div class="ppcDate">February 13th, 2012 21:12:33</div></div></div></div><div class="ppMessage"> <div class="pmItem pmiInfo"> <div class="pmSymbol">i</div> <div class="pmMessageContent">You must login or register to post comments <a href="#" class="textbutton" onclick="return ajaxLoginDialog('Login/Signup','http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/index.php? action=view&amp;nid=19');">Login/Signup</a></div> </div> </div> </div></div> </div> <table width="60%" align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="info" style="font-size:x-small;" summary="Rich Site Summary (RSS) feed(s) for Wellness Centered Counselling News "> <tr> <th style="font-size:80%; font-weight:normal;">RSS feed</th> <th style="font-size:80%; font-weight:normal;">Feed Description</th> </tr> <tr> <td style="line-height: 16px;"><a href="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/news/rss/news.xml" title="Subscribe to the complete Wellness Centered Counselling News RSS news feed" class="ppIconLink32"><img class="ppIcon32 icon32RSS" src="http://www.wellnesscentered.ca/images/template/spacer.gif" width="32" height="32" alt="Subscribe to the complete Wellness Centered Counselling News RSS news feed" />All News RSS feed</a></td> <td style="font-size:80%;">Complete RSS feed</td> </tr> <tr>


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Fragmented Families  

See family estrangement as a vital opportunity for personal growth.