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Prototype 4 I stepped into the playground and just searched my childhood. I remember the laughter of students running around like little animals. I hated it. From all the loud annoying students I loved hanging out with my best friend Dennis. You would always see us quietly playing together near the entrance of the school. It was great until the 9/11 attack happened. We were sitting waiting for the class to begin but all we could see was teachers talking about some smoke that was coming from the city. Pretty soon our parents and siblings were coming to pick us up. What was going on? My brother has never picked me up before. It got me nervous. I tried asking my brother what was going on but he said he would talk about it once we get home. He rode his bike so fast that we got home in the matter of minutes. When I came home everyone was watching the news. The twin towers were falling down. I didn’t know what to think of it neither did my parents. At the dinner table my parents were talking about whether it would be safe to let the kids go to school. It got me worried and scared so I picked up the phone and called Dennis. I tried calling him a lot of times but he didn’t pick up. I wanted to cry. I was scared. Almost every night after that, I would pray for everything to be all right. It took a week for my parents to let me go to school and when I did everyone around me was acting strange. People giving me weird looks or not saying the usual hello…hi but at that moment I was only concerned about Dennis and why didn’t he call me back. When I walked in the class I was shocked and confused to see him play and goof of with other students and not just any students but the bullies that used to pick on him. How on earth did they just become all buddy buddy. ” Dennis what are you doing? Why are you sitting with them?” He had no answer and I didn’t know how to react to that. I wanted to hit him and yell but I couldn’t. My parents told me it would not be good for me to yell at people like that anymore. That I can get in big trouble but Dennis is my friend I was not going to stand his silence. The class started and everyone got to their seats. The entire day people kept calling me a terrorist. I did not even know what that meant until I dared
to ask. My teacher explained it to me and that’s when I realized why everyone was behaving strange towards me. They all hated me but I was innocent. I didn’t do anything. I would never hurt anyone especially my friends. During lunch period, I tried to talk to Dennis but this time those bullies stopped me. They threw my food tray on the ground and told me to get out. I was afraid because I knew no one would help me out and so I ran and went to the safest place, the art studio. In class, those bullies bugged me again. This time one of the Goth students Julia stood up for me. She was so sweet. It felt nice to not be hated by everyone. After class I decided since Dennis walks home alone I might get a chance to talk to him one more time. I couldn’t give up on him that quickly. When I caught up to him walking down the road I noticed the bullies waiting for him in the corner of the street. Before he can get to them I tried talking to him again. ” Please Dennis try to understand, I would never hurt you. Stop avoiding me. I hate it. What have I done? You know I would not hurt anyone ever. You don’t have to be afraid of me.” As always there was no answer. The bullies ran towards him like they were going to defend him from something scary. Before I knew the bullies started abusing me hitting me, it hurt so much but what hurt me the most was the cold stare that my friend gave me. Right there I knew I lost him. I lost him forever. There was nothing I could do to reason with him and I did not know why. Julia came to my rescue again and this time I decided to stop reaching out to him. Maybe one day he will come around. He wont be afraid of me anymore. Everything I did not want to remember was right in my face. I lost a very good friend that time. I couldn’t understand why. Why do parents let kids hate on others only because of a group of extremist that kill in the name of religion. Not everyone’s the same. It’s the 9/11 memorial today. I go to the memorial every year since I got to college. I like being there for people that were hurt and praying for people that got killed but I didn’t expect to run into him again. It’s been 10 years since I have seen him. “Hey…Dennis…”
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Prototype 1 INT. ENGLISH CLASSROOM - DAY In the class the professor discusses the topic of Osama bin ladin being found in Pakistan and American government has killed him. Everyone looks at the only Muslim Pakistani girl. The students start giving her weird look and makes fun of her for keeping Osama bin laden protected. SANA Here we go again. (Voice Over) This reminds me of the first time it all started. FLASHBACK. GYM In the gym all the kids were playing dodge-ball and she was the only one left from one side while the opposite side had three. All three of them started hitting her hard with the ball. After gym she quickly changed her clothes and went ot her next class. Class mate: You know if you take off that scarf and dress more normal you would fit in more. Sana; I dress the way I am suppose to. Its in our religious to wear a Hijab and certain clothing. Besides I have not done anything wrong so I dont see why I have to change myself. After school sana and her best friend Amna walk back to home. Amna starts to unwrap her Hijab EXT. OUTSIDE SCHOOL AMNA Hey you don't look okay. Were you being teased too? SANA Why, what happened with you? AMNA Nothing just calling me a terrorist and the usual teasing but you know me..I don't care much for it. SANA Oh okay. So are you going to tell me what happened to you? AMNA Nothing honestly. People were just ignoring me in school
today SANA Yea don't worry okay. Who cares about those kids. EXT. BEGINNING OF A STREET Amna sees some kids from a far and starts to unwrap her Hijab. SANA What are you going? AMNA I think it's best if we stop wearing hijab from now on. Makes people feel uncomfortable and it makes me uncomfortable too. SANA We aren't allowed to do that though. It's wrong.Plus weren't you the one that said you cares about people. AMNA Yea I know I don't care what they think I'm just trying to prevent something bad from happening here. SANA Like what? AMNA Can;t you do something without arguing with me for once? SANA No i'm not going to take off my hijab just because I got teased today. I don't mind being teased but I'm not going to do something that as forbidden in our religion AMNA Suit yourself. Amna crosses the street quickly SANA Hey where are you going? Amna runs away fast. Sana gets confused and then walks in the same direction. At the end of the block a couple of guys are smoking and hanging out. Sana crosses them cautiously. SMOKERS Yo Terrorist! Sana ignores them and quietly walks. SMOKERS What do you have in that bag of yours? Explosives? Not
playing on bombing us again are you Sana Can you please excuse me? Sana gets harassed by the smokers. After a while they walk away leaving her alone. No one helps her and ignored what they just saw. She grabs her stuff and runs quickly towards home. She goes straight to her room and stays in there till dinner. INT. IN THE DINNING ROOM SANA Mom how would you feel if I took off the scarf. MOM I would allow you under these circumstances. It's not right to do it but your too young and I don't want you getting hurt. SANA Would god forgive me for it? MOM I can't answer that honey but make sure you know what your doing. If you do decide to take it off then theres a 50 50 chance that people will treat you better. When bad things happen people want to blame it on others to hide there grief but things turn out okay after a while. You can either hold on tight be strong and try to show people your not what they think you are or you can be like the rest and blend in with the crowd and loose your identity. INT. BEDROOM After dinner Sana goes back to the room and thinks about the whole day and whether or not she wants to remove her Hijab. The night passes and the next morning she gets ready for school. Sana looks at herself in the mirror for a good amount of time and wears her Hijab. She walks out of the house scared but determined. When she enters the school she ignores all the people making fun of her and tries to be outspoken and participate in class discussion. FADE OUT Â
Feedback • Doesn't feel personal • The story gives off a feeling of your average kid being bullied so it doesn't convey the message right.
• Can't connect with the main character
Prototype 2 The story starts out with the close up shot of a girls face and the sand in the back. The camera zooms out and you see an empty play ground. As the girl is looking around you see a fade in of children playing around. Flashback Ameen: Hey anyones seen dennis? (as soon as she says that two hands cover ameens eyes and she hits someone behind her with her elbow. She turns around and she finds dennis on the ground) Ameen: I’m so very very sorry. It was an accident. You sneaked up on me. It’s not my fault. You shouldn’t have done that. It was purely defense mechanism. Dennis: For what? I just covered your eyes. Normally people question whose behind them not attack them. Ameen: Again I’m sorry. Next time don’t sneak up behind me. Anyway what took you so long. Dennis: Was studying for my test. ( a group of thugs wannabees from the class walk towards ameen and dennis) Thugs: hey worm your gonna help us cheat on the test right? Ameen: Aw why too stupid to study for a simple test? Its common knowledge idiots. Thugs: Don’t make us hurt you. Just because your a girl, don’t think I’ll be easy on you Dennis: Ameen shut up. I’ll help you guys out just stop bothering us. The thugs leave. Ameen: Yo why must you always give in to there bullshit. You should be tougher than that. Dennis: Yea I don’t have to worry when I have you by my side right? Ameen: Dam straight Ameen and Dennis walk into the class and take their seats together. 30 mins into the class and it starts to smell like smoke. The teacher walks out of the class. Dennis: I wonder what’s going?
Ameen: who cares as long as we don’t have to take that dam test The teacher walks in and tells the kids that their parents are coming to pick them up. Ameen: Oh nice a day off woohoo Dennis: idiot thy would not send us home for no reason. There must be something serious is going on. Ameen: Well not my problem. It has nothing to do with me as long as I get to go home. Dennis: stop taking everything so lightly. I see my mom coming. I am gonna go. I will call you later. (soon after Dennis leaves ameens brother comes to pick her up) Ameen: well here’s a surprise. You never pick me up from school and especially on your bike. Brother: I can’t explain right now but we have to hurry home. (ameen and her brother reach home and you see the whole family get together and watching the news. The world trade center falls apart. Everyone’s in shock and upset) Ameen: what movie is this? Father: it’s not a movie honey. It’s happening in real life. (at the dinner table the parents discuss the safety of children and whether they will be able to go to school or not. This upsets amen a lot. After dinner she tries to call up her friend but he doesn’t pick up. After a week off from school Ameen finally convinces her parents to let her go to school. As shes walking to school she sees a kid) Kid: Look mommy a terrorist Ameen looks at her confused. The mother picks her kid up in her arms and starts walking fast. Still confused at what the kid said she ignores it and walks towards the entrance of the school Ameen enters the classroom and she notices Dennis sitting in a different seat with the thugs) Ameen: Dennis what are you doing. Why are you sitting next to these people. Dennis doesn’t reply. Thugs: Don’t start with us terrorist. We already want to beat you up so leave while you can. Ameen: terror what? Ok I don;t care about you punks at the moment I need to talk to MY friend. Dennis I tried calling you so many times, why weren’t you answering. I have to talk to you
about something important. Dennis: Ameen just leave You see a goth girl in the corner of the class observing whats going on meanwhile the class starts and the teacher tells everyone to get into their seats. Ameen: Teacher what’s a terrorist? I keep hearing that word. Teacher: A group of extremest that use violence to threaten or dominate people. The world trade center was attacked by a group of muslims…your people and a lot of people are dead because of that. The students start picking on Ameen and she becomes really quiet and nervous. After the class ends she goes into the Cafeteria. Ameen tries to talk to Dennis again. When she goes near his table a bunch of kids write a no terrorist zone. Ameen: Dennis I just want to talk. Can you at least give me 2 minutes. I don’t like you hating me. I haven’t done anything. Why are you ignoring me. Dennis: My dad died because of your kind. I hate you muslims. Ameen: Dennis…I The thugs get up and drop Ameens food tray. They gang up on her and threaten her. When she sees her friend quiet and ignoring everything thats going on Ameen runs out and crying ends up being in the art studio where she sees a bunch of goths. That frightens her even more. Ameen: I’m sorry I didn’t know anyone was here. I’ll leave Goths: No you don’t have to go. Stay. ..Hey your that terrorist girl everyones harassing in class huh Ameen: I’m not a terrorist. Tears roll down her eyes Goths: Yea you look too much of a wimp to be one anyway. Whats got you crying anyway? Ameen: Nothing Ameen sits queitly doodling as tears fall out. just before the next class starts the thugs walk by Ameen and slap a “I’m a terrorist kick me” sign on her back. Julia one of the goth girl notices it and takes it off immediately. She walks up to the thugs and kicks them really hard. Julia: Stop harrasing that girl you punks. Its not funny. Ameen: Please don’t fight because of me. Julia: Stop being such a wimp and stand up for yourself. Don;t you always stick up for people but when its you getting abused
you have to turn all chicken shit. And You (talking to the thug) Bug her one more time and you would have to go through me. The class starts. Ameen tries to pass a note to Dennis as an apology but he rips it up. Julia: Dude hes not going to listen to you. Just leave him alone. You can come hang out with us from now on. He’s not coming back to you again. After class Ameen gets out of school and starts walking towards home. She sees Dennis walking with his thug friends and tries her luck one more time to reason with him but this time she really gets it. Thugs: Hey terrorist wheres your goth buddy. Not too tough when your alone huh? Ameen: Please let me go I just need to talk to him from a second. Thugs: Sure we will let you go. Ameen walks and the thug pulls off her scarf from the back. They start to verbally and physically abuse her. She’s on the floor crying. Dennis just stares and smirks. The camera sees Julia in the back. She gets her group and comes to the rescue. Julia: I told you not to talk to that kid again. Your hopeless. I need to start being with you permanently for your own safety. As Ameen walks away with her new friend she looks back to watch her best friend leave. Close up shot of Ameens eyes. As she blinks it zooms out to the adult Ameen. Ameen starts walking towards her house. As shes about to open the door she sees Dennis two houses down locking his door and walking at her direction. Ameen: Dennis…Hi
Feedback • Still can't connect with the main character. • Try writing in first person point of view. • Cut down the characters. • Need to shorten some scenes down. • The audience finds out the problem to early. • Reveal Dennis’ father’s death towards the end.
Prototype 3 I stepped into the playground and just searched my childhood. I remember the laughter of students running around like little animals. I hated it. From all the loud annoying students I loved hanging out with my best friend Dennis. You would always see us sitting at a staircase playing thumb war, tick tak toe, or just walk and talk. It was priceless until the 9/11 attack happened. We were sitting waiting for the class to begin but all we could see was teachers talking about some smoke that was coming from the city. We couldn’t understand it at first. All we knew was our parents coming to pick us up worried. I didn’t care at that moment all I knew that we were getting a day off. Wooohooo! What surprised me was my brother coming to pick me up. He never picked me up. I walk home with either Dennis half way or my mom comes to pick me up. I was a little worried. I tried asking my brother what was going on but he said he would talk about it once we get home. He rode his bike so fast that we got home in the matter of minutes. When I came home everyone was watching the news. The twin towers were falling down. I thought it was a movie at first until my father told me what was going on. I didn’t know what to think of it neither did they. At the dinner table my parents were talking about whether it would be safe to let the kids go to school. I was really worried not. I like school. I want to go school. Why can’t I go? I didn’t know what to do so I picked up the phone and called Dennis. See what his parents are telling him. Would he not be allowed to go to school either? I tired calling him a lot of times but he didn’t pick up. I wanted to cry. I was scared. For days I stayed home, played with my toys, video games and draw. There was nothing to doing the house. I was so bored. Each day I would try to talk to my parents into letting me go to school. It took a week for me to finally convince my parents to let me go and when I did everyone around me was acting strange. It was a very uncomfortable vibe. People giving me weird looks or not saying
the usual hello…hi but at that moment I was only concerned about Dennis and why didn’t he call me. When I walked in the class I was shocked and confused to see him play and goof of with other students and not just any students but the bullies that used to pick on him. How on earth did they just become all buddy buddy. ” Dennis what are you doing? Why are you sitting with them?” He had no answer and I didn’t know how to react to that. I wanted to hit him and yell but I couldn’t. My parents told me it would not be good for me to yell at people like that anymore. That I can get in big trouble but Dennis is my friend I was not going to stand his silence. The class started and everyone got to their seats. The entire day people kept calling me a terrorist. I did not even know what that meant until I dared to ask. My teacher explained it to me and that’s when I realized why everyone is behaving strange towards me. They all hated me but I was innocent. I didn’t
Feedback • Cut more scenes down.
• The beginning can be shorter. • Needs more visuals than narrative.