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...and next... The Counselling Session My husband and I were going to marriage counselling sessions because we were always fighting. At our latest session with the psychiatrist my husband veered off the subject and asked him, “How do you decide if a person should be admitted to your hospital?” He replied, “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.” My husband said “Ah, I understand. If you are sane, you would take the bucket.” The psychiatrist replied, “No, a sane person pulls the plug out”. I asked him, “Does that mean you can admit my husband?”, and that’s when the latest fight started.

The Blonde Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road. "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep. "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!" "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Bathrooms A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel he stole from a motel. The number of items in a woman's bathroom is usually about 328. The average man would not be able to identify more than 10 of them. The Bedside Message

Little Johnny A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie?" the teacher asks. Susie says, "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him. "You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side, and you know what?" "What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself. Her husband replied, "I think you're bad luck!"

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