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My name is James Tyler and I’m Gay. By Allison Driedger


My Name Is James Tyler and I’m Gay. By Allison Driedger Table of contents: Introduction Prologue – James Chapter 1 – James Chapter 2 – Tristan Chapter 3 – James Chapter 4 – Tristan Chapter 5 – James Chapter 6 – Tristan Chapter 7 – James Chapter 8 – Tristan Chapter 9 – James Epilogue – Tristan: 5 years later

Introduction “Oh NO!” I exclaim, “Oh my Gosh Tristan! It’s my first day at my new job and my shoes don’t match my outfit! WHAT am I going to DO?” “Here” says Tristan, coming to my rescue, “put these on, these shoes match” “I don’t understand why you’re so worked up over your first day at work; it’s going to be fine.” That’s Tristan, always optimistic and calming me down. This book tells about two married, homosexual men named James and Tristan Tyler and how they realize the error in their ways and turn to God, rejecting their Gay lifestyle and becoming Christians. The point of this book is not that men being with men is wrong, but that any two people of the same gender involving themselves in a more-than-justfriends relationship with each other is not how the Bible tells us that God wants us to live. Enjoy!

Prologue Everyone calls Tristan my “friend”. Why can’t they just accept the truth? Tristan is not just my friend. He’s my soul mate, my lover. He’s my everything. Why do people have such a hard time accepting people like us? We’re still


people, human. There is nothing wrong with us. It just so happens that we are attracted to members of the same gender. Namely Tristan for me. My name is James Tyler, and I’m gay.

Chapter 1 – James “Oh NO!” I exclaim, “Oh my Gosh Tristan! It’s my first day at my new job and my shoes don’t match my outfit! WHAT am I going to DO?” “Here” says Tristan, coming to my rescue, “put these on, these shoes match” “I don’t understand why you’re so worked up over your first day at work; it’s going to be fine.” That’s Tristan, always optimistic and calming me down. “Thanks Tris, have a great day!” I say as he gives me a good-bye kiss and sends me off to my first day of work. Tristan is the most gorgeous man in the whole world. He has shaggy dark brown hair with blond sun streaks and piercing green eyes. He has a perfectly toned body with chiseled abs. He’s tall and very charismatic. That also makes him the best model on the planet. That’s what Tristan does, he’s a male model and an editor and a very good one at that. I’m not as good looking as Tristan; he’s taller than me at 6 feet 3 inches. I’m 5 feet 10 inches with short, spiky blond hair and brown eyes. I have a pretty buff body, but I have to work at it more than Tristan does. I am an interior designer. I’m also very good at my job. Our jobs combined earn us a fair amount of money. I think we make a pretty good couple. I make our house look good and Tristan looks great in it! Anyway, back to my first day of work. Well, the reason that I’m starting a new job today is because Tristan and I just moved from another part of the state because of Tristan’s job and we moved into our new house last week. We used the week to get moved in and now it’s Monday morning, and time to start my new job! I’m working at Guardian Angel Interior Design, or G.A.I.D. It’s a really cool place; the interview was friendly and I’m looking forward to getting started and meeting the rest of the people that work there. Tristan works for Courage Magazine. It’s the hottest magazine in California! All the stars read it and they love my Tristan! (I told you he’s gorgeous!) Anyway, back to work. Tristan’s always telling me, “James, calm down and stick to the point. Life’s too short to get so worked up and distracted by such little things.” That is so true. I walk into the office looking great ( I think) with a latté in one hand and a briefcase in the other. I had already been in to see where my office would be and how to get there and stuff. I say hi to the secretary and go into my office to get settled in. I start looking over some of the bills and adding them up (my first task) when I hear a knock on my office door. “Come in” I call. “Hey, I’m Tony! I just want to welcome you to the business!”


“Thanks!” I reply, “Hey, do they always start the new guys off with the bills?” “No, they usually start the new guys off as latté fetchers.” I love his comeback! I can tell we are going to be good friends. We laugh and talk for a little while and then it’s time for my lunch break, which is good because my latté cup is looking a little bare and so is my stomach. When I get back from my lunch break, there is a message on my desk. It says “we got a call for an interior emergency. She asked for you. Please meet us at Jennifer Aniston’s house at 1:30pm. We will send an interior design team to assist you.” WOW! It’s my first day at this new job and I already have a request for interior design by a famous actress! “All right, I think we’re ready to go” I begin, “where is your interior emergency?” “Well, I have a couple.” Jennifer Aniston tells me, “The most important one is in the kitchen. I was trying to cook something for lunch today when one of my friends called while the oven was on. I lost track of time and then my oven was on fire. I put out the fire with the fire extinguisher and decided to go out for lunch. I met a guy that I worked with on a photo shoot, Tristan Tyler, and he recommended you.” “Okay, let’s get to work!” I exclaim. So Tristan is behind this! I should have known. I love that guy. The kitchen is a disaster. We pretty much have to start from scratch. I send Jen with someone from the design team to pick a color scheme for the walls and tiling, and tell them to meet up with another person from the design team to discuss how to collaborate the color scheme with the cupboards and counter tops. Then me and a couple others start to clean out the kitchen. We make two piles; keep: not damaged, and throw away: damaged or not needed. When the others from the team come back, they show me the color scheme and other things and we make corrections and changes. Then I send a couple people out to buy the things we agree on while Jen shows me the other room. It’s her bedroom, and it really needs some touching up. We make a couple of plans for the bedroom and then go back downstairs to meet the crew. First we paint the walls and lay the flooring. Then we bring in the construction men and start installing the counter and cupboards. Then go the appliances and the drawers. We install the island and light fixture and the job is complete. Jen is thrilled, and I must admit, it looks amazing! Now onto the bedroom. We already have a couple things sorted out so the job won’t take long. We incorporate most of her furniture in the new room, so it’s not so expensive. All we have to buy is a new light fixture, a rug, some window drapes and a couple knick-knacks to complete a relaxing yet sexy space to lay back and veg out after a hard day at work. The job is done, and it looks great! Jennifer Aniston says she will recommend us to all of her friends and pays us a very large sum. I go back to the office and collect my briefcase floating on a cloud! This has been the best first day of work ever, but I am exhausted.


When I get home from work, Tristan asks how my day went. He has a huge smile on his face so I tell him about it and thank him for the help. He truly is an amazing guy. We wind down for the evening by watching a good movie and Tristan makes us some supper. Then we say good night and go to our bedroom. We talk for a little while longer before we go to sleep.

Chapter 2 – Tristan Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! The alarm clock goes off at 6:45am. I hate having to wake up so early, but if I don’t, I can’t make breakfast for James. I carefully get out of bed so I don’t wake up James, who stirs beside me. I swear that man could sleep through anything. I’m Tristan, by the way. James is always calling me the most gorgeous man on the planet. I’ll admit, I am pretty good looking, but James is really great too. I get into the shower and turn it on full blast. I love the feeling of the powerful hot water hitting me in the back full force. It wakes me up in the morning. James needs his coffee in the morning to get going and I need my shower. When I get out of the shower and walk to our bedroom in my towel, the first thing I do is open the curtains and say, “good morning sleepy head! It’s time to start your day!” I know it’s cheesy, but I’ve been saying it ever since we moved in together in college. I get dressed and make James some coffee and pancakes while he’s having his shower and getting dressed. He always spikes his short blond hair (which I think is cute) and runs into the kitchen asking me to help him find some matching clothes or shoes or whatever he can’t find that morning. Today it’s socks. I think one of these days I’m just going to lay out his clothes the night before. It’ll save him a lot of morning chaos. I give him a good-bye kiss as he finishes his coffee and heads out the door with his briefcase in his hand. I’ll bet you anything that he’ll pick up a latté from Starbucks on the way to work. Yesterday I met up with Jennifer Aniston at lunch and told her about how my husband works at Guardian Angel Interior Design and how amazing he made our house look. She said maybe she’d give him a call because she had a little accident with her oven and her kitchen got all messed up. James came home and told me how awesome his day was and told me – again – how great I am. It’s almost 8:30am and time for me to leave for work. I work for a magazine called Courage Magazine. I model for them and sometimes I do other modeling jobs, but mostly it’s for Courage. As I walk in, people stare at me and say hello and smile; the usual. Sometimes I really hate being attractive. It gets me too much attention when I’d rather not be noticed. I usually go with the flow and just try to be outgoing, but I’d rather just pose for a camera or watch a movie with James. A lot of people think that I’m very confident and outgoing, and in some ways I am, but I don’t like to be with lots of people.


I sit down at my desk and start reading one of the articles, (I’m also the chief editor) when I hear my name on the intercom. “Tristan Tyler, calling Tristan Tyler to the photo room please.” There it is. Now my day starts. I know as soon as I hear that call, I will be modeling for the camera all day. “Hey Francine, can you come in here please?” I call my assistant. If I get called to model, which happens a lot, I have to call Francine to do my editing job. Even though I do two very important jobs at Courage Magazine, I still get home before James, which I like, because then I can cook us supper, do the breakfast dishes or laundry before he comes home and then I have time to relax and talk with him about our day. They want me to do a swim-suit add for the cover of the magazine to show people what they can get their bodies to be like by summer. James and I got married a couple of years ago at the end of April on a really nice day so I could get back by the middle of May to do summer modeling, which is when they want me the most. They use me for modeling more in the summer because, out of the male models, I have the best bathing suit body. The camera man wants me on the sand in long trunks. They have an ocean background to make it look like I’m coming up from the water. The make-up artists wet my hair and sprinkle some water droplets on my skin so I look like I’ve been swimming. Then they take some shots. Some are me sitting down, some are me flexing my muscles, but the one they choose for the cover is me ‘walking’ up from the water smiling and looking care-free. I think it’s a pretty good shot, but it took a long time to get right. When I change back into my other clothes and dry my hair, there is a message on my computer. It says, “Tristan; James called, he wants you to meet him at Olive Garden for supper. He said he has good news. –Francine.” I wonder what kind of good news he has?! I always love it when he succeeds because he gets so excited about it and then we celebrate the smallest things, like the time he aced a big test in college and he threw a small party to celebrate! That is one of the many reasons that I love James. He is so up-beat. First I go home and get changed and put my work stuff away. Then I go to the restaurant. I know that James will be off work in about 20 minutes and will do the same. I check our reservation and sit down to wait for him. When James shows up, he’s right on time because our table is ready. We order and then I tell him about my day and try really hard not to let my curious side get a hold of me. I can see that James knows how hard I am fighting to keep from asking, so when our food comes I just burst out and ask him. “So, what’s the big news?” I ask. “Ha! I knew you were holding it in!” he exclaims, “I got a HUGE interior design project for someone big!” “Who?” I ask, getting really excited. “Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes!” he bursts out grinning, “They want me to do their whole house!” “Wow! That’s awesome!” I exclaim, “So when is this happening?”


“They want me to start the day after tomorrow, so I have a day to get ready and put a big team together! And that’s not even the best part! If Tom and Katie are pleased with the turn-out, then I might get a big promotion!” I am extremely happy for him. I remember when I got my chief editor promotion. And when I got my assistant editor for when I have to do photo shoots. This really means a lot to him, so it means a lot to me. When we get home we are both feeling pretty stoked so we get to bed early and stay up late talking and celebrating. Tomorrow is Wednesday so we can’t stay up too late because of work. I ask James if he’ll be able to make it home for poker night on Friday and he says he will because he’ll only be around an hour late each day. He’ll just start early in the morning and work all day except for lunch and coffee breaks. I still have the same work hours and I usually get home before him so I’ll probably stay an extra hour so I don’t have to wait as long at home for him by myself. We fall asleep around 11:45pm and sleep well the rest of the night.

Chapter 3 – James I am so excited about my deal with Tom and Katie! I really hope that it goes over well because then my career will really take off and I’ll be a very popular interior designer. On Wednesday I get a huge team together. On Thursday we go in and check out the house and discuss possible things to do with the rooms. On Friday we go in and clean out the junk we don’t want or need and move the furniture we do want to use, into storage. When I walk into work on Monday, there will be a lot of work to do so I decide to take it easy during the weekend. On Saturday morning I am sleeping in for the first time in a long time when the doorbell rings at 9:00am. Tristan is at work so I get up and go to the door in my pajama pants. At the door is a kid giving out gospel tracks. “Excuse me mister” the kid says timidly, “I’m from the California Mennonite Christian Church (C.M.C.C.) would you like a gospel track? They’re free.” What am I supposed to do? The kid is standing there with his little puppy dog eyes holding out a gospel track. So I say “Sure. Would you like to come in for some iced tea or lemonade?” you should have seen the kid’s face. He looks so happy. I feel so good that while he is drinking his iced tea and munching on some chocolate chip cookies that Tristan and I made last night for poker night, I decide to make a donation to their church. I don’t know how much to give, so I think $1,000 will be good enough. I give the cheque to the kid and watch his eyes widen. He stammers “A-are you sure? T-this is a lot of money sir.” I say “Take it for your church kid, its pocket change. And here’s a little something for you for being so polite.” I say, pressing a $5 bill into the kid’s hand. “Thank-you so much mister!” the kid says beaming, “I’ll bet God is very happy right now!”


I smile and close the door as he’s walking down the driveway. I decide that I’m not going to get back to sleep today so I pop the gospel track in the CD player and have some breakfast. The pamphlet that comes with it says: “We invite you to join us for our Sunday morning service from 10:30am to 11:30am. You’ll learn more about how Jesus came to earth to save you and how he wants to bring you home with him and is preparing a place for you in heaven with God. We hope to see you there.” This little invitation reminds me off a joke I overheard one of my coworkers telling once. A rich man asked God if when he died he could take one sack full of his favorite things on earth to heaven when he died, God said sure. When the man died and was at the gates to heaven, two angels asked him what the sack was. He told them what his deal with God was and they asked to see what was in the sack, the man said “gold”. The angels looked inside, and exclaimed with confusion, “pavement?” Ever since hearing that joke, I’ve wondered whether heaven is real and if the roads really are paved with gold. I listen to the gospel track a little bit longer and then turn it off. To tell the truth, I’m a little confused, but very curious. So I decide that I’m going to go to church tomorrow morning, just to check it out. I go to the book store after lunch and buy a bible. When Tristan comes home he finds me on the couch, lost in the bible. I ask Tristan if he wants to go to church with me tomorrow morning. He says sure, and we spend the evening listening to the gospel track and reading the bible. We are so into it, we forget to eat supper so we go out for a late “snack”. We go to bed but I have a hard time sleeping. This bible stuff is really getting to me. I get up and go to sleep in our guest room. When I wake up in the morning, I see that Tristan has made pancakes and Canadian bacon. We get ready and arrive at the church at 10:15am. We shake hands with people at the door and go inside and sit down on one of the benches. They begin announcements by announcing new babies and weddings and end by announcing upcoming and past funerals. Then we stand and sing two songs and sit to listen to the service. Then we sing three more songs before the ending prayer. Everyone starts to file out. The Pastor comes up to us and welcomes us to the church. His name is Pastor Jake Cohen. We tell him our names and he asks if we’re brothers. We look at each other. We’ve been asked this question before. Tristan speaks up: “No, we’re married” he says. The Pastor says “Oh, I’m sorry; my mistake. Will you be coming again next week?” We are shocked. Usually when people ask us that question, they get very uncomfortable when we answer and then walk away. I tell him we’ll think about it and if he sees us next week then the answer is yes. He laughs and we talk some more and then go home for lunch. The message at church was about why gay marriage is wrong. They said that God created man and woman for each other and that anyone defying that is defying God’s word and therefore is breaking the only rules that really matter. Tristan and I are very quiet during lunch. It is really bugging me. What if it’s true? Does that mean that what Tristan and I are doing, being married, is


wrong? We both are deep in thought so I decide to read my bible some more. Maybe I’ll find some answers there. Tristan bought a bible yesterday as well so he could read at the same time as me. We both read all afternoon and only stop for supper and bathroom breaks. I sleep in the guest room again tonight.

Chapter 4 – Tristan This church thing has me flabbergasted. I’ve never thought about any of these things before. I mean, what if being gay is wrong? What if there is a God up there and he’s frowning down on James and me, thinking ‘this is not what I wanted’? it is really bothering me when I go to work this morning, so much that I’m not even thinking about James’ big project at all and I don’t even hear when they call me for modeling. James slept in the guest room again last night, and I’m almost glad he did because if he hadn’t, I’m sure that I would have or asked him to, and that might not have gone over well. I think James and I are going to go back to that church, the C.M.C.C., on Sunday. Or, at least, I am. As much as it scares me, it intrigues me more, and I can’t stop reading that book, the bible. It’s like something inside me is fighting with something else, and I don’t know which side to root for. Work is nothing special today. It is a bit slow, so I bring my bible along to read in my office, and something crazy happens. Something clicks. “This is wrong” it says, “God is real and he cares about you. He sent his son to earth to die on the cross for your sins. He died so your sins can be forgiven.” And I start crying. Not just a tear down your cheek crying, I am bawling. For joy. Why would someone do that for me? Because he loves me so much; so much that he’d die, so I can be forgiven of my sins. I take an early lunch break and drive to the church where I know the Pastor will be. I knock on the door and when the Pastor sees my tear-streaked face, he smiles and says: “Come on in Tristan.” I smile through my tears and follow him to his office. I tell him what happened at work and that I see that what I am doing is wrong. I ask him to help me invite Jesus into my heart. He says: “Repeat after me: Jesus, I believe in you. I believe that you died on the cross to save me from my sins. Please forgive me for all the wrong that I have done, and come live in my heart. Help me to learn more about you as well. In the name of God, the father; Jesus, the son; and the Holy Spirit (which is also called the Holy Ghost); Amen.” I feel as if a million elephants have just been lifted off my back. I cry some more but this is happy crying. I ask the Pastor what I should do about James, because divorce is not recommended. Pastor Jake says:


“Divorce is not recommended, but sometimes it is necessary for God’s plan to unfold.” I decide to wait until after work to talk to James because he has his big ‘Tom and Katie’ project to worry about. I go back to work, feeling like I am walking on a cloud and can’t fall off.

Chapter 5 – James When I go into work this morning, I have a very hard time keeping my mind on my interior design task. God’s words are echoing in my head and playing with my heart. Everything is a puzzle piece being put together and I can’t see the full picture yet. But it is definitely beginning to make more sense. Tom and Katie's home is, to put it frankly, still a disaster. Even though we cleaned out most of the stuff we don’t need and put the furniture we do need in storage, there are still miss-matched paintings and clashing rugs everywhere. I almost faint, I forgot how horrible it is. “Okay boys and girls, let’s work some magic” I say to my team of designers. In this house, there are 15 rooms. A living room, three bathrooms, a kitchen and dining room, a rec. room, two offices, five bedrooms and a pool room with a hot tub and sauna. We choose sunflower yellow, ocean blue and prairie green for the bathrooms; lilac and periwinkle for the offices; black and white checker board for the rec. room; light cream and brown for the living room and dining room; red for the kitchen; brown walls, cream carpet and blue and white bedding in four of the bedrooms; aqua and mint green for the pool room (which sound bad, but look phenomenal); and a nice soothing pearl and sapphire for the master bedroom. We also install a bar in the rec. room and order new matching furniture. But still, the bible echoes in my head. Specifically a series of verses the Pastor read at church on Sunday, Romans 1:24-27. Romans 1:27 says: “And the men, instead of having normal sexual relationships with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men and, as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved.” As I think and think about this, the more ashamed I become. I make a decision that I don’t want to live like anymore. After work, I am going to visit Pastor Jake and repent my sins and become a Christian. I also need to find a way to divorce Tristan, but still keep him as my friend. It talks about divorce in the bible as well. Matthew 19:3-12, Mark 10:2-12 and 1 Corinthians 7. In Matthew it says that once a man and woman are joined in marriage as one, there should be nothing to tear it apart. In Mark it says if either husband or wife divorces each other, they are committing adultery. In 1 Corinthians it says neither a man nor woman should deprive each other of sex after they are married and they should not divorce. If the wife’s husband dies, she is free to re-marry and vice versa; but it is best if they don’t re-marry. It says nothing about gay divorce being wrong,


because gay marriage is wrong. That means that gay divorce would be wanted, right? At least, that’s how it seems to me. After work (we finish the master bedroom and master bathroom), I go to the church and tell Pastor Jake what I’ve been thinking, and he is very happy for me. He tells me to repeat after him and he prays this prayer with me: “Lord Jesus, I need you. I realize that I’m a sinner, and I can’t save myself. I need your mercy. I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and rose from the dead. I repent of my sins and put my faith in you as savior and Lord. Take control of my life, and help me to follow you in obedience. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Now, I’m not usually one to cry, but after this I feel so good and peaceful that tears are streaming down my face. Pastor Jake gives me a verse to take home and read and to share with Tristan as friends, not partners. The verse is Ephesians 5:1-2. It’s about following God’s example and living a life filled with love for others. I drive home with a smile on my face. I get in the house and see that Tristan is sitting on the couch reading the bible and praying; tears are rolling down his cheeks. I walk into the kitchen and see stuff for subs, so I make myself a sandwich. I go get my bible from the guest room and sit in my chair. I look up from reading Job and see Tristan looking at me. He says: “James, I need to talk to you.” “I need to talk to you as well” I say. So I go sit beside him on the couch and look at him, waiting for him to start. “Today at lunch, I went to see Pastor Cohen” he begins, “I repented my sins and accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I know divorce is wrong, but I no longer feel that it’s right for us to be partners. I’d rather us just be friends. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I would like a divorce. I hope we can still be great friends though.” Wow! I feel so relieved. “That is perfectly fine with me” I say to him, “that is the exact reason why I’m later than one hour late today. I just talked to the Pastor and did the same thing. He gave me a verse to share with you; Ephesians 5:1-2. I would also like a divorce and I was afraid to hurt you so I’m very relieved that you said it first.” We agree to visit the pastor on Saturday so he can help us find someone that can finalize the divorce. Tristan lets me sleep in the master bedroom tonight and he sleeps in the guest room. I’m going to look for an apartment during my free time this week. That will make my week much more hectic. Considering everything on my plate, I fall asleep relieved and quite quickly.

Chapter 6 – Tristan Good news! James is now a Christian too! He feels the same way I do, and we’re going to get a divorce soon. I’m going to help James find a nice apartment in Beverly Hills close to his work. On Tuesday I feel really good as I get up for work so I leave some coffee and waffles in the kitchen in case James wants


something and set his alarm so he won’t be late. Just because I’m not gay anymore, doesn’t mean I can’t be a good friend to James. When I arrive at work I smile all the way to my office and -I can’t believe I’m saying this- flirt with GIRLS for the first time that I can remember! It feels so good to feel like a normal straight man. During the day I have a hard time keeping my mind on the editing. They don’t need me to model today. I’ve never noticed how many attractive women work for this magazine. It’s almost overwhelming, except that a lot of the women stop by my office to ask me questions or slow down when they walk by and glance my way. I’ve never noticed how many women find me attractive. It also feels great to not think of the male co-workers as possible dating material, but possible club or poker night guys. I think I can really get used to this new way of seeing things. I wonder if James likes his ‘New’ life as much as I am? At lunch I ask this junior editor named Kelly if she wants to grab lunch with me. She looks surprised and excited. I have to smile. “Sure” she replies, “just let me get my bag.” So we got to a little Italian place and talk about work and what we like to do, you know, the normal conversation topics. I pay for our lunch and we agree to meet at a club for dinner Thursday evening at 7:00pm. Then we head back to work and I feel good about asking her on a ‘date’. When I get home after work, I order a pizza and listen to the gospel track until James gets home. Then we eat supper and I help him look through the ads for new apartments, when we see this little picture of a house at the very back. We look at it and James knows right away, it’s the place for him. It’s not too big, has two bathrooms, three bedrooms, a kitchen/dining room, living room and has a basement and upstairs. It’s also in his price range. We decide that I’ll go look at it after work and wait there for him until he’s done because it’s a couple blocks from his work. He could even walk if he wanted to. It’s a fixer-upper, which is just what he wants so he can do renovations without tearing down something very new. I sleep in the guest room again tonight because James slept in it two might in a row as well. I’m so excited about mine and Kelly's date on Thursday so I lay awake in bed for a little while before I finally fall asleep.

Chapter 7 – James We found a good sized house for me! It’s going to be hard to leave Tristan. Even though I’m now a Christian and I want to do the right thing, I’ve been gay for so long, it’s hard to change so suddenly. Tristan is having a much easier time changing his sexuality than I am. He has a date tomorrow with a girl named Kelly. I haven’t really had time to meet anyone yet but I’m determined to make it work. Wednesday gets off at a great start. We work more on the rooms and have lots done already. I’m confident that we will finish by Friday. After work, I talk with a few of my buddies at work and tell them how hard it is for me to let go off my gay lifestyle. I’m sort of worried actually.


Tristan is having such an easy time switching over, what if it didn’t work for me? When I get home I tell Tristan my worries and he helps me pack up my clothes and other things. I’m hoping to move in on Thursday while Tristan is on his date. To tell you the truth, I’m a little sad to be leaving this house and Tristan because we have so many memories together and in this house, even thought we’ve only lived here a short time. Most of my things are packed and I’m really tired, so I go to the guest bedroom and fall asleep at almost the exact moment my head hits the pillow.

Chapter 8 – Tristan I helped James pack last might and he wakes up early this morning to finish packing and calls a moving company to help him move after work today. I’m really pumped about my date with Kelly tonight! We talk at lunch today and make plans for after dinner. I have to model today, and I discover that I don’t like it as much as I used to. I’m seriously thinking of changing my profession. I have more than enough money to go back to university. Maybe I’ll go to law school… just a thought. I do a couple of photo shoots and then spend the rest if the day editing articles for the magazine and thinking about what I’m going to wear for my date. When I get home I see that James’ stuff is gone and there’s a note on the table that says: “Tristan, I took an early leave from work because we’re pretty close to being done. We moved my stuff to my new house. I’ll come back for my box of college mementos that I left on the table and say good bye. Friends always, James.” I’m pretty excited for him because his big project is almost done and he’s getting his own place. I know I was super pumped when I got my first apartment, and a house is even more exciting. When we moved in together in college, James had still been living with his parents, so he’s never lived on his own before. I get ready for my date and drive to pick up Kelly from her apartment. We drive to the club and order our dinner. We talk about whatever comes to our minds and here’s what I find out: her favorite food is sushi, her favorite color is orange, she has a degree in journalism and she’s a Christian! I invite her to my church on Sunday and we dance after supper and dessert. When I drop her off at her apartment it’s 11:45pm. It’s close to midnight when I walk through my door. It takes me a while not notice what’s wrong, but when I do, I feel really bad. I left for my date before James came to pick up his box and I didn’t say good bye to him. I call his cell and hope he picks up. Luckily he does. “I’m so sorry James” I begin, “I was so excited about my date, that I forgot about you coming to say good bye.” “That’s okay Tristan” he tells me, “how was your date?” “It was really good!” I answer, “Are you all moved in and doing okay?”


“Yeah, I’m doing just fine, thanks.” James sounds tired, but happy. “That’s great!” I respond, “Do you want me to come over and help you un-pack?” “No, I’ll be good.” he says, “Can I go to sleep now? I have a big day tomorrow.” “Oh. Yes, of course.” I say, sort of embarrassed, “Good luck!” We say good night and hang up. I know this sounds bad and a little selfish, but I can’t wait until our divorce is finalized. I still love James as a friend, but I’m ashamed of the things we did before we became Christians. I put on pajamas and hop into bed. Tomorrow will be good.

Chapter 9 – James We’re finished! Today right after lunch, we cleaned up the rest of our stuff and shined everything and now we’re done! I also get a raise. It’s not the promotion I was hoping for, but it’s better than nothing. Anyways, the team and I are going out tonight to celebrate and it’s going to be great! Yesterday I moved into my new house and the movers put all of my furniture in the house. I’m mostly done un-packing my clothes and belongings, so today when I get home, I do the last finishing touches and get ready for the evening. We’re going to celebrate at a club downtown and I’m catching a ride with Joel because car-pooling doesn’t waste as much gas. When we get to the bar, we get a table and order some drinks. We laugh and talk for a little while and then some of the guys and girls go to the dance floor and start dancing. I dance with a couple of random girls and have a generally good time. When we decide to leave, we’re all pretty tired but we had a great time. I get into the passenger seat and everyone in the car is singing and laughing. I can tell that most of them are very drunk. I only hope that Joel didn’t have too many, because he’s the one driving. My hope is useless. The car is driving fast and all across the road. I’m starting to get worried because Joel is driving very recklessly. All of a sudden, the car swerves into the on-coming lane and I scream at Joel, trying to grab the steering wheel and right the car, but he jerks away. I look up through the windshield and see a semi truck coming at us fast. “LORD, HELP!” I yell as I hear the loud blaring of the semi’s horn and the bright glare of the headlights and then…

Epilogue – Tristan: 5 years later… It’s been five years since James died. I wish he were still here to talk to and give me advice about life and help me with my classes. I’m almost done my degree in law school. I don’t think I’ll get over the loss of my best friend. My wife, Kelly and I go visit James’ grave site every year on his birthday and the anniversary of the crash. The last two years, we’re brought our son,


Brennon James, with us. We always tell him about his ‘uncle’ James, whom he’s named after, and what a good man he was even though Kelly has never met him in person. At two years old, I don’t think he understands us very well, but we’ll keep telling him every year. James was a good man. He taught me many things and he is the reason that I came to Christ. He will always have a place in my heart.

Comments – if you want to leave a comment on what you thought of my book, please send me and email at ally.driedger@rocketmail.com or send it in the mail to P.O. box 456, Gretna MB, R0G 0V0. Please be absolutely honest, no matter your opinion. -Thank youThese are a few of the comments I’ve got from the people I got to read the rough copy of this book: Wow! This is a very moving story! Well written. You did an amazing job at it! Hope you can get someone to publish it  -Jenny This book rocked my sock off! Way to take a controversial subject like this and make it awesome! You’re the best <3 -Tracey Zee book was shocking! I didn’t know how to take it at first but after a while it was awesome! Keep writing! -Brooklyn  Wow girl, that’s sad and moving. You did a really good job. Keep up the amazing work! Manda <3 That was shocking! Overall an awesome story with touchy but interesting topics! I hope you continue writing because you are obviously really talented! AWESOME job! ~Sarah <3 ~ Ally, Wow! This is obviously something God has really put on your heart. You did a really good job of expressing emotions and struggles. But seriously, you’re taking scripture and interpreting it into a story. That’s really cool! Especially because of the perspective you chose. You’re super-talented and God’s gonna take this far my homey! Love ya lots!


Luv, Katy Gurl <3 (P.S. you should get a guy to comment on this story! ď &#x160;) Ally, Very interesting, but cool. It was a good story. Keep writting. -Ratty (Ryan)


My Name is James Tyler and I'm Gay