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Good M orning Ghost


For the days, and all of those who reside within them

-Alexander

2


Table of Contents the first day

5

our last cigarette

9

twenty-four-seven

11

the lady with one eye

14

the painter

18

good morning ghost

21

I always knew it would come down to this

23

pessimism

25

given

26

June 28

th

27

independence day

28

-For Phil

29

autumn leaves

30

physics of memories

31

Dear First

33

this is real

35

stills

40

our umbrella

41

picture perfect

43

long distance

45

Us and It

46

how it will end

47

don’t fall awake

48

reverie manifest

49

stages

50 3


icelandic dreams in a glass house

52

casual conflict of the daily life

54

jealous electricity

56

the decline

57

high life

58

the skyway bridge

60

Bear

64

failure until tomorrow

63

the start of what has already finished

64

faces

65

Relay Race Generation Ballad

66

inertia

68

Ida

69

a chapter unopened

70

breakfast at 2

71

4


the first day FUCK! Bang! Bang!! bang!!! FUCK!! You've got to be fucking kidding me! I run out of the bathroom to find my roommate banging violently at the door Not on the first day! god Damn! We are locked out I calm him down and let him know that we can get a temporary key downstairs I can't go because I can't see. I walked to the bathroom without glasses or contacts Shortly, he returns with the key and we go in I take a shower The water smells like shit, the walls seem centuries old, and I feel like I'm getting more dirty than clean. I'm wearing my sandals in the shower I always knew school was a prison We are ready to go so we take the elevator downstairs I walk outside. The campus is in chaos I feel the anxiety slightly in my stomach, but not like these savages Walking/Riding/Running for their lives There is no escape 5


I feel the impending doom of New Orleans as the hurricane closes in I calmly light up a cigarette and catch up with my roommate We walk down to the restaurant, and I eat my first breakfast since arriving in this town He leaves breakfast early He is more anxious He rides the bus across campus I Walk I arrive ahead of time Sit Down Smoke another cigarette… and another cigarette Maybe I'm some-what nervous No Maybe I'm bored I Hate Waiting The first class drifts by I should have taken the bus I feel sweaty and uncomfortable I go to into my next class Piano I am early again and the teacher is boring… I’m done for a while so I come back relax, my roommate returns, and we walk down to get the next meal We bitch the whole way. Everyday is an Adventure There is always something wrong 6


We eat again, go Shopping for the 19th time this week, come back, and try to eat dinner before my 8:00 class The place is filled with fiends I almost think there is no time to eat, but some how shove 2 slices of pizza down my throat I run to Astronomy I eat a caffeine pill on the way Sit Down The Professor is Greek and talks ridiculously We get let out an hour and 20 minutes early I come back to my room and attempt to do laundry for the 3rd time this week Everyday is a problem, but there is no turning back now This time the washing machine works I sit down A very pretty girl walks in and sits next to me We Talk A good conversation The Fire alarm goes off for the second time this week Last time, I was in the shower The washing machine I'm using starts jolting viciously I can't believe this shit! I try to save my clothes but the fire marshals kick us out We walk outside The girl and I laugh 7


I can't believe this We get let back in eventually My clothes are fine The Fire alarm goes off again This time, we don't leave We plan to meet up tomorrow Her clothes are done We say goodnight Mine are still drying, So I walk outside, I light up a cigarette I hate waiting, but everyday is an adventure Maybe it's not so bad here Maybe it's not so bad.

8


our last cigarette Elevator going up Time going down But it's always in the same place and it makes me wonder about this space Because I am always awake But it could be a dream Wondering what it's all supposed to mean The picnic table seems to glitch as the seconds/minutes/hours/days seem to twitch And the months before my eyes as the years tick on by So I look up into the sky and I still don't know why, but I am really not afraid to die The cigarettes begin to cry as their life burns away and feeling the same, I look down and say I've said this before and I'll say it again Maybe We'll Find The Way Maybe Today Maybe You'll Say "Hey some people have found the way, but I've decided to stay. with you" I'll walk the same path. You'll walk the same path and I might not always laugh, but when I look into your eyes and this smile takes hold 9


I know I'm happy because it's the real thing. Something Is Perfect among everything that is So Wrong But right now I try to forget As the words flow with the smoke of our last cigarette

10


twenty-four-seven 24/7 and time doesn't exist I sit down and I wish and wish To be this far I’d have to say falling down is falling away I close my eyes and feel the sun and realize problems start when problems are done Like the seesaw in my mind I try to unwind only to find that I am contained again in a box Love and happiness is everything lost At some point when we all come down This cycle goes around and around Still I stay everyday I sit and wait for the top again At a table all alone with coffee and words of people around me and the song of birds I try to pretend that the other 4 chairs surrounding me are filled with people who care, but today they are empty so I wait and exchange glances with those displaced by my running away and if I try, I can circle the table and fill the chairs and with my selves conversations I could share Sometimes I think it is too hard to bear, but then someone from the other side of the table shuts me up 11


because this is as fair as it gets and you can't forget yourself today. I know I can't. I've lost my say, but why I ask must I fill this space? Can't I exist in another place? Ghost number three responds: “Just wish and wish "Why don't you make a list? Why don't you complain about how you can't remain where you wanted to stay?” The chair gets up, pushes itself in and walks away. The others follow, and I guess it's ok I'm left with myself at the end of the day My cup is almost empty as I look over the lake, and still I wait and contemplate while the voices around me dissipate. There is no one left for me to negotiate This is my lot and this is my life The days of my joy account for needed days of strife Oh, but to have these chairs full of conversations again of everything good in a time of when. I guess it's not too long. There is a light Time will make everything alright Time will make everything alright Until then 24/7 and time doesn’t exist 12


I sit and wait I sit and wish kiss is 24/7 times two away 24/7 and these are the days smile is 24/7 in another space life is 24/7 of everyday death is when 24/7 expires it's ways inscribed on my cigarettes is 24/7 displacing the 4 and the smoke rises up and escapes through the door as it slams in my face I scream for the bearer to wait Please Let Me Have This! I state I can no longer take this wait I can no longer take this fate Let me leave. Let me go home Don't leave me here to wait alone I stare at the door for it to respond Hours pass, but it finally describes that nothing can be done “You'll have to learn to love the sun and the moon 24/7 the day will come soon Just look out your window as the clouds circulate and if you look long enough it will be ok. I admit that I love your smile and believe me, I will make it worth your while Until then, the days you must file into a book with life entitled, 24/7 it will be ok� 24/7 we will find the way 13


the lady with one eye I talk to my Mom on the phone for longer than usual I talk about my life, of problems and of my strife. School is tough I tell her I'm trying hard but things are rough I talk about spring break and of my plans she is sick she listens and says she understands I don't know if she does She tells me.."just hang in there...do your best" We are proud of you...never-the-less I talk, but sometimes I don't know what to say I tell her I am not happy I talk about music and of the days I tell her how much I want to play I am serious but it's ok she is right summer is almost here and that will be the time to progress In the mean time I will study and in my writing I can express the things that harmony will one day decide whether or not it all abides I think it is all worth a try she accuses my friends and I of drinking and of smoking 14


I do not disagree but do not accompany her on her beliefs She is not that upset No...maybe she does understand We end the conversation on decent terms, and we will talk in a few days she discerns Hang Up A few hours pass... I am doing homework My room mate is playing video games and drinking beer We jokingly bitch about smith hall Of course of fresh foods and the bath room stalls I finish my work... at least enough that I can handle for the night I go downstairs and play the piano and try to write, but no words come I come back up and play my guitar until the strings break My room mate...beer in hand...controller in hand...headphones in ear mic to mouth...internet gaming...there is a 10 year old boy on his team in this war game his name is Zach it is 1:30 a.m. Zach listens to Nirvana and to Green Day I pour a couple shots of rum in a glass with coke It's nearly 2. I can't sleep 15


I need to wake up at 7 to make it to class 2:30 comes, and then 3:00 rolls around more video games, and he is still drinking beer I know I cannot sleep now. I will never wake up for that class Alternative Pour some coffee It's going to be a long night I plug in my keyboard and I play Let It Be I am very hungry and start walking across campus and further to the nearest 24 hour McDonalds on the way I think a lot, but I am quite I see 5 cops by the union with a boy cuffed to a poll They have flashlights and they must be looking for drugs in the bushes I walk past and feel their eyes on me like savages hunting I make it to this corporate enterprise and lay down a couple bucks for the lowest grade food I can't believe I'm supporting this I sit down at a table alone and almost finish a sandwich when a dark lady walks in she has one eye and sits in the seat across from me "will you buy me a sandwich?" she asks in an indescribable tone I don't say anything I Take my wallet and hand her a few bucks Eagerly, she takes the money and heads to the counter leaving her small garbage bag of clothes on the table I don't know if I am hungry anymore 16


In fact I go to the bathroom and Vomit I get up and leave. I don't feel right I thought I was hungry and I haven't eaten in over 12 hours, but all I see is the lady with one eye and a dark hole where the other one should be I sit down on a curb outside and some how shove the rest of the sandwich down I light up a cigarette and walk back my head is down and I watch my shadow I am young but my heart feels old too many of us are too lucky and too many of us are not I am blind but I have glasses that let me see I live in a cell...but I am still free when I have no food and I am hungry I do have money and I have been given too many opportunities that others would take in a second...we are lucky I told my mom of my life of all of my problems and of my strife of all of the things that do not seem right of all of the days and all the long nights I am still walking back ...my shadow is fading The sun is rising and the birds are chirping Spring Is Near

17


the painter I sit at the piano and I paint the walls with thought Until My Mind Goes Blank and I Look up and the portrait is White I am trying to portray something in a way that is not so clichĂŠ as to say that I am trying this in a different way Until I Am Falling Down And I start to wonder how it would Sound if these keys were reversed and my fingers Up-Side-Down You see, in such a state it is quite hard to covey exactly what I am trying to explain and I think there is more than enough reason to complain I Look at the wall again and I see that Someone has thrown a can of paint It is running DOWN DOWN DOWN the canvas what remains drips out of the over turned bucket which gravity has [trapped] in a sideways fashion *INSPIRATION* Diagonally 18


I place my hands on this board of Keys and I BANG! and BANG! flying .

~FAN~

The colors are

like I have just tied my palette to the

Light Dark Bright Sharp White....No! the blankness is coming back... I SMASH away till the colors are d ri pp ing to the Floor and I get up off this Tilted Piano bench and I conduct 1&a2&a3&a STOMPING my feet like the Drums in my head because I have forgotten the hand gestures the colors are Churning and Splashing all over me and I am spinning around In This I am Covered I taste the paint in my mouth and it goes down and into my pores until it reaches my heart Enveloping my [mind] and coming back out as I change rhythm 19


I am trying to lead, I am trying to conduct but I do not know how much faith my palette or brushes have in me I only hope it is enough Eventually I co\\apse Rolling around in these colors mixing among myself until they churn too much and make and Ugly grey and then a BLACK............\\\\\\\ //// I wake up....I look at the Wall It is a picture but I am not sure I was never much of a painter I sit back at the piano...and I try again

20


Good M orning Ghost Open your eyes. Breath In like the second hand on a dying clock look around feel the door knob before you open make sure the flames are not behind this wall Walking walking Walking down the hall Tick tock tick tock Tick tock Listen to your heart beat Don't Be Afraid It's easier to walk down the steps then to ascend gravity works its ways on an empty heart but keep filling the funnel up Keep drinking from the one above you so you can feed the one below you Until you slip further and you can try to climb the rope If only to embellish such sick humor as you watch your hands bleed I stop listening I walk over to a marble bench Sit Down...Exhale Smoke The ceiling is high and I find it easier to hang There is a certain clarity and peacefulness in accepting failure 21


As I sway, it becomes harder to breath but it is easier to sleep with the clock muffled out.

22


I always knew it would come down to this So through the windshield Scream in solitary because no one cares about what they can’t hear Let yourself out in waves It’s easier to this way With the results circulating around the passenger seat Until they escape out the window and then repeat As no one walks the sidewalks Separate frequencies as echoes And I have to enjoy this company while it lasts Because the windows are always wide open And sometimes it rains And maybe when this happens it’s best to just keep driving Faster Faster Faster Red light… Stop…change the music…to fit new memories Laminating pupils in the glare Beginning to squint as the pendulum swings lower Pulling tighter on the curtains And to delay this persistence Caffeinate with aromatic heat in the cold Sitting down in my place where chairs circulate And I am growing old Or maybe it only seems so 23


Well Keep On Being The Last One Standing So You Can Be The First One Dying One day …and you’ll say to yourself, “I always knew it would come down to this” You see, this is not random insanity Or hasty decisions in troubled conditions, as seems to be the public conception It’s all been planned out Like the comfort of an addiction

24


pessimism Nitrogen spirals they keep on coming Sitting back with this guitar I'm strumming While the acid rain swells to the sea And without a leg I've lost my knee But with your eyes I just can't see Growing up is a hefty fee You laughed, he cried who is there to say that God hasn't died People have no right, no left, no up or down Diagonals in the universe are yet to be found Lounge on a couch up in the sky So how can you ever ask him why? Why you sit and why you stay While others in the world have too much to say Falling....Drowning Burning, while I laugh The Light is Dark, There Is No Path

25


Given So you tell me things I already know Deep In My Heart Truthfully we all know everything that is ever going to happen We all have access to all knowing, to INFINITY... But we are only human and we cannot just "know" these things that we all do Because we don't want to Believe We want to blind ourselves...to funnel our minds As much as we do, we don't want to know Why do people crave disappointment as much as they hate it? Why do we hate to love, and love to hate? If we are only pretending like we don't know what’s going to happen next, Why are we always so surprised..? What is feeling sorry? Is there never bad news? I suppose I know a universe no one else does ....thoughts like the stars.... If each of our minds is a universe The world is a multiverse inside another universe which could possibly be part of another multiverse? and the stars continue to drift by my mind like the night sky

26


June 28 th Good morning and then good bye I fall far away in this kiss off the bed Nights are better when I'm not in my head and in mornings when my stomach can't be fed The ghost and I broke up for a while It's nicer to have someone alive to Kill myself with So as I close my eyes on the pillow I anticipate coffee and cigarettes over a table with thoughts exchanged and the humidity seems to warp you and I As such beauty in birth when the spawn quickly looses touch

27


independence day A portrait of Bob Dylan seems to look down and give a slight nod of understanding Look away when the light is too bright throw away your matches but hold on tight to the things you create with Sit down...pace around....sit down... if you haven't come up with anything brilliant yet then that’s ok anyways and if it's not making any sense well then I’m glad because it probably isn't making sense and it's times like this that make you wonder what if instead of a type writer they had given Lewis Carol a gun and too much cheap vodka The government would probably say it's the drugs but it's all in good fun when they can earn another dime by enforcing such imprisonment that those upholding the law are oblivious and on independence day I'd like to say please take my fire works away from me, along with my dignity and hope and GOD BLESS america!!! now give me a glass of water a cigarette and a plane ticket out

28


-For Phil Life can resemble a lit candle flickering in the wind lively and dancing back and forth along the set rope that is embedded throughout the core and to the very bottom and so beautifully fragile that we must appreciate and indulge in the light that is given off But the storms do pass and although the weatherman can make predictions It always comes as a shock when the cold rain falls and slowly trickles down our faces as our own light shivers in the dark and we sadly realize that it is not always how hard the wind blows but how the wind blows So we come together and warm each other with our own flickering embers and observe a thin fume of smoke that seems to spiral upwards fleeing the blackened rope and painfully exhale and embrace this final effort of the flame to rise and become something new we take this with us in our lungs and our hearts finally exhaling a sigh that can seem eternal as the early morning sun rises on the horizon

29


autumn leaves Anywhere is no where without cellophane to wrap your heart Eyes Falling Down On Mine Like Autumn Leaves Flying Free Sleep is not necessary to live but only paying custody to Death You Make the Roles That Were Made For You We have nothing in Mind The only thing we Mind Is what We Have

30


physics of our memories Looking at photographs Looking at me... and If my footsteps could walk maybe they would talk or move somewhere they could see where they are going with me but I can look down and I have seen Everywhere that they have been I am standing on a hill and I would like to sit down here everything is still but distance kills with my headphones on enveloping all that fills me microwaving such particles in my heart molecules sending signals all around evaporating to my mind where they condensate into images of you and if a photograph is worth a thousand words there is not enough in any dictionary so breath and let it all come out while it all comes in 31


subtly exploding while a crescendo in faint icelandic music elucidates it all flipping through so many polaroids for 2 weeks until I fill my cars gas tank with a roll of new film

32


Dear First Head Rush Around Myself Tell Me Things About Myself Tell Me Things About Yourself Tell Me Things About Ourselves If Everything Could Be Picked Off Shelves Ash Another Cigarette Ash Another Sad Regret All The Things We'll Never Forget There Are Reasons We All Have Met So we'll go down there together and have a little talk the three of us we'll sit around a table and take a couple shots It's a nice place, comfortable in hibernation, possible site for a good vacation but you see sir, or do you prefer miss, you cannot stay in this location Just because the sign says Vacant does not mean the room isn't taken Not to say that we do not appreciate the realization But you really must have a more appropriate invitation

33


We're not quite ready for such an obligation We're really just going to have to ask you to pack your bags and find a new destination and we trust you'll find your way Don't get us wrong We'll Always Love You But you can't ask too much of your parents and You're Parents Can't Ask Too Much Of You So we are doing the best we can to satisfy both "When You’re Older Maybe You'll Understand" When We're Older Maybe We'll Understand Maybe We're Older But Too Young To Want To Understand So, send us a post card down the line we know you'll be doing fine and we'll be doing fine over a phone line in my dreams either, or online We'll All Be Doing Fine Like Old Times Making New Times

34


this is real another night, another day so they fall off the calendar in ways 5 beers and a whiskey and water down 2 caffeine pills in...drinking espresso motivation all for a ticket home can't stay in my room sleep is failure sleep is failure this is not creative this is ranting and I don't care take a break light up another cigarette good coffee procrastinating still another drag another sip missing missing you honestly the last time I sat in this chair 35


killing myself was a thought of much consideration now I have to kill a part of myself this is not creative this is real I can't think can't think can't think but I think too much stop, stop, stop, stop the choice to die is relative I am forever in dept I am forever in dept to you your significance will outlive a thousand pawns on a chess board black and white spaces like years and days People staring at me cold enveloping my skin this is real 36


my eyes burn no one knows I look normal a college student waste a girl looks at me she says I look like I'm in the same boat she is staying up too late studying "ha ha ha" ....yeahhhhh....... I try to pretend I do such a good job If you don't know me you never will if you do...there is a reason for that I think going on and on‌ I feel too much for my own good

37


but it's ok the wrong people always have to go spaces while I ash out the cigarette on the wall darkness embellished by red embers so short so beautiful time life strife heights it's alright as I waste more space on this page I really just want to see your face we'll never forget this year we'll never forget these days I am content in ways my thoughts are with you highways rest stations 38


5 hours I miss you this is not creative this is real

39


stills The Best Moments are never caught on film The Best Laughs Comparable to Old Jokes When looked back on Our Hardest Times Our Insights now The Best Conversations Never Recorded Drive down the highway either up or down left or right or all at once for some it works but take a couple snap shots along the way Play a couple songs along the way Dance a dance along the way laugh a laugh along the way cry a tear along the way live a life along the way these may not be our best but those are between just you and I these are just the days 40


our umbrella Strands of hair hanging on a strand of hope turning grey falling out but we're trying hard not to blow away in the dusk breeze that sails so coldly against our ears making all that's easy make fake fears and my skin aches with perpetual pain as inside perpetual rain but it's nice enough to walk down the evening alley with a glass of wine four footsteps perpetuating the umbrella that supports us supporting it 41


and it's nice enough to correspond to conflicting ideals in contrast to what the weather feels but although I can hear the faint trickling sound in the distance .........I think tomorrow will be all sunshine As our hair blows in the wind.

42


picture perfect still life black and white picture perfect frame by frame colored film rolling in motion on a screen behind my eyes staring up at the ceiling watching the fan circulate but not really... Distancing off In this cinema of thoughts of you wishing this bed was a little warmer but happy that the days are a little colder because this weather is perfect to load another reel into the recorder and keep on filming winter is here the holiday is near 43


and as a kid I was anxious on christmas eve as I am now but not so much to open presents this year I'll lay in bed and You'll lay in bed And instead of looking up, the fan will stare down at us rolling like a reel of film picture perfect

44


long distance Subtle uneasiness was an emotion that felt classic to Syd, as he sat quietly near the window on days of the week. It drifted through his veins and coursed into his heart which made it feel slightly heavier than one's heart should. Softly, it drizzled outside and allowed a cool breeze to migrate steadily through the room. Syd, as he sat there, at his desk, reached for a pack of cigarettes, flipped it around slowly in his hands, as if studying it's generic art work, then drew one and lit it. His room was of a dark atmosphere faintly glowing with the aura of his laptop computer screen. He pondered the perpetuating uneasiness as the ash caught up with the filter of his cigarette, and surmised a variety of possible causation's for it's initial presence, although failing to obtain even a though of a resolution. Silently, he retired the cigarette and continued to think. He had been in various lonely phases in the past, but the recent few days had traveled at the almost unbearable pace that provoked an idea in Syd, that perhaps the world was finally running out of breath. These thoughts were interrupted as his silenced cell phone vibrated against his bedside table, and as it did so, he stood up, turned around, and picked it up. A conversation ensued and the color crept back into the young mans face. On the other side of the receiver danced the melody of his girlfriends voice. She was one that, over the past year, had roomed a very dear spot in Syd's heart. Living in separate cities was not the easiest way for the two to live, but each evening when the receiver was lifted, spirit followed, and reassured the irreplaceable value he placed on her. Finally, glancing at the clock, Syd realized that the world was still drifting along, even if tiredly so, for much time had past. Weighted down by the stress of his studies, he wished his girlfriend a good night and the two embraced the final moments of the conversation. As he, half reluctantly closed the phone, Syd was made aware of his room again. Coming back, he observed that the soft rain had not dried away, but the crisp moonlight was peering through the window, and another day had fallen off of his calendar page.

45


Us and It I’m not myself When you’re not yourself Alone in an isle filled with shelves where I’m too indecisive to pick a life so I’ll walk the aisle with my wife And we’ll hope that It picks Us The harder I try, the shelves get higher it’s ok to fear getting tired I’ll carry you if you carry me It will carry Us, if we carry It But we’ll take our time Like all things do get longer and wider and It will try her but we still have a path to walk where there is no sign that says, “no dancing allowed” when being alive is being naive Still we are not relieved but it’s ok to believe

46


how it will end Telephone off the hook as hands shook each other across receivers in separate beds It’s the weeks that seem to push the pages to the floor with every goodbye we all want more with every hello we build a door while trying not to make good things a chore love turns to hate quicker than it fades so climb the ladder. don’t dissipate and when it’s time to jump ship, take the safe way out and I’ll take the plank because if I’m going to fall I want to hear a splash

47


don’t fall awake dry breath and cracked floors you spill the glass on purpose watching the minutes drip through you funnel them down a time on tap book with highlighted pages it's harder to speak a language with plastic seats chalk boards open doors and necessity Are you wrong to walk along the edge of the plate you ask and you reply with a human mind Hello Last Night I appreciate the introduction but I must admit it takes some time to shake your hands with this concept that when I stare too long I fall asleep with my eyes openly neglecting the step of the hour glass drip don't fall awake

48


reverie manifest Tip toe off the clock heartbeat stomach ache personal chemicals bonding and aggressing silently muddling light switch strife bonding life personal turmoil comes uncoiled domestically trying to beat a system Don't Fall Awake apologetic genes and life experiences austere expression trade cards to persevere clarity grasped hands with sincere glances at windows I love majestic relations and our aspirations through a picture frame I see the dynamics of colors portraying a comfort supplicating All for a blessing of perpetuation Oh Sunshine! Sunshine! keep shining! Here in Alaska 49


stages stages, phases, places on pages looking at faces looking at cages Bye another day with all of our wages A hard ? is what makes what waste is Light switch on the ceiling and a bulb on the wall show me a ladder and I'll give you a shelf what makes what’s one self is described in what’s felt like the world was around us when it was dancing inside like places and people where others reside You asked him to speak but he could be shy You asked him why he paid you in sighs the slightest things can seem so wide The things I've failed at are those that I've tried and Dear eldest how long have you been wise? There’s no way to know but only one to surmise "the smallest advice is what’s in disguise" It won't always hurt to cross your eyes 50


or close your ears because what often seems most clear equates to what you fear Free will they told us but when did we volunteer for a conscious frontier molecular spheres and how things appear over a cigarette and beer It often it depends on how much is left in the pitcher So take a picture And maybe you'll see Illusions only appear to be easy and if there are more than two ways to look at a glass maybe we're looking through the wrong lens maybe it all looks after which way the light bends

51


icelandic dreams in a glass house Oversleeping LEDS and humming thoughts buzzing on the pillow openly in a closed spot that is reserved for a tingling of precious body heat almost inaudible breaths feeling their way around ourselves silent comfort of union of touch footsteps in dirty parking lots where my last pair of shoes accompanied the ground not tracing I walk next to them and remember that the wind cannot blow the prints away and I smile to myself if only half way It's not because I am not happy I know you'll pull the other half of my lips up to my cheekbone like no one else can 52


with just one glance a second of our time together Wooden desk foreign language frustration and coffee that makes the cheshire cat fade away before the light clocks out for the night I'll shuffle through pictures like a deck of cards inescapably amazing It's sometimes hard to let the light leave until it promises to take another day off the calendar with it and so I'll rest and I hope you'll visit me tonight I'll be in Iceland

53


casual conflict of the daily life easy to predict easy to ponder counter affective expectations of me of you of the world Slightly destructive always progressive hymns and monotone expressively dissecting consciousness of the self of the shelves and the streets in each town slowly, silently, raining down frowns are bound to develop from where they came from and all else is expected occasionally neglectful awfully regretful

54


on both sides of the coin heads tails flip

55


jealous electricity I'm floating down highways and telephone calls breathing you in through a receiver your words are filling my lungs the oxygen travels rung by rung I am beating eagerly for tomorrow while living for today I’m looking at a tinted window I understand that we can be blind but things are brighter on this side without the glare with you I'm tried tonight on 75 over low light scribblings waiting for you to arrive at my door in my arms anything more than the alarms that kill the dreams living under my eyes tonight on a drive up 75 I'll breath hard on the phone and wonder how the sounds of my mouth travel so quickly south I am jealous electricity I am going city by city in the wrong direction 56


the decline mars shine tonight the sun is dimming and I'm scarred the hours are spinning around and around they are making me dizzy with concern I am loosing my balance as we shift our weight to bring it all back to the center please don't slip and fall Sunshine hold my hand through day break and I'll hold you all night

57


high life sweet tooth apple cider bite my tongue slide today in to the box turn the knobs in the cold golden words are shallow ones let the snow come though it never will make the truth come out though it's another way in the lives of the buttons we press make the fog clear I don't want an end any more and it doesn't matter if I'm happy because even when the clouds pour the grass grows jump around patch the gaps make the world spin like the rest don't let the world spin you on every quest for the things in your crazy head that hang on tight 58


while the ship sinks into the most beautiful future... abandon? no retreat.

59


the skyway bridge bruised and beaten emotional squalor and seconds in the air dancing through moments past so quickly our lives are apart when the lens is cracked life flashing interruption another moment of beautiful light in the windows of your eyes emancipation of torment arrival in another undeserved chance so tired but going on if only for a larger photo collection I am thankful

60


Bear cigarettes lit off coil stoves and loud music bouncing off closed doors too many bars forgotten in the back seat of so many cars the future is beautiful through the way that the pain caresses the window panes finally and silently napping tuck it into bed tuck me into bed wake up to shut up and take it in urgently/modestly/ticking off the marks on the check board climbing out of the ambiguous void that my indecision often creates out of the relentless spare time of late spontaneity never did me wrong* the bear found a fat tire and we ride it through the nights 61


failure until tomorrow? Hold my hand Windowsill As I rock and as I sway I will press my forehead against your smudged face I will grasp tightly While Looking Down These acts do not create resolution but a release of some sort and everything I have to say, is spoken most loudly in silence but occasionally I will possess the audacity to crack the window and let it out My greatest achievements seem to hold the victorious weight of casual games while my daily failures dig the soil of my grave

62


the start of what has already finished I hear the trees waltzing outside A slow dance under the tears from above But they are rooted and they are strong I hear the trees Calling me whispering amongst each other I don’t know whether I can trust them but I find the courage to confront one as I peer through my blinds, it dances near Sympathetic Laughter but I am told it is out of hope while I restlessly burden my heart with the illuminations of the 21st century they pull me outside and slowly teach me to dance with the moon the rain falls but the drops are not mine I feel deeply rooted 63


1&a2&a3 with my feet on the ground I move in for the kiss The sun might come back but I am a man of the night

64


faces I cut the band but the memories cannot be thrown into the trash just as easily With your sweaty palms and cut fingers and on your wrist, a watch like this ticking machine I too, have too many Faces Inaudibly shifting through each moment They come out at different times like a collection of masks which I rotate in I do not quite understand how they change how I change or which are part of the real persona that others might attribute to me I believe I control these differences until the next costume change and I’ll ask Who am I now?

65


Relay Race Generation Ballad Knock on Wood which appears to be fake Good Luck Even though I am far away, the footsteps of those who have no choice echo around me the clicking heels that perpetuate the insipid slacks and dollar bills that move the days out of our reach As all the lovely couples impeccably fail to catch the hare and the children laugh till the day they can remember something as awful as being something of four years ago Relay Race Generation Ballad give me a hug give me a kiss shake my hand

66


We’re all in the same boat It’s Sinking

67


inertia weighted and stretched and happily unhappy building bridges and and establishing bases Finding Identity and fake pride in fake places I’m held back by everything moving forward I’m too far ahead, in retrospect Inertia breaks too many hearts The fine-line destroyer of all things (I’ve)… (You’ve)… We’ve gone too far, in the past… and we knew it was too late before it was true Friction is a casual and mutual lover the daily pain of rationality and the grind for the sane and so we dream half of our lives away during the day and during the night But those are the best times

68


Ida Rain drops and squeaky fans circulating above fallen wine drops and fading lights and shallow glasses As they rush separately in their own constant cycle either on a horizontal plane or by hydrologic means neither with a sufficient place to call home

69


a chapter unopened break my glass house shatter the walls and the windows and even the streets that never led me there Infatuated I find myself here But this hasn’t been felt recently I thought that I stopped caring about everything Forget the butterflies and owls and the (todays) I am ready to step forward provide me with tomorrow and a set of brick walls where buildings will shield me from the awful sunshine Where the past comes untied I will sleep with dragonflies

70


breakfast at 2 I’m going to open up my blinds In order to watch the day begin but hold steady while I grab a drink I slide quietly around the house and shortly return to the fluorescence of my desktop light The days have been moving at a speed which unsettles me I don’t understand if I can appreciate getting over things when I am not on top of things When a love dies I take advantage of the ghost again I feel bad but I think she knows I am looking to be fulfilled I awake to a batch of eggs, toast, and coffee 71


and its usually past 2 While I consider thoughts over my silent desk I am fueled by the anxiety

72


Good Morning Ghost