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A Emma Regev
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A Emma Regev
CHAPTER 5 In this chapter I’m going to give you a very short biology lesson. You might hate biology but unlike the lesson about photosynthesis, this biology lesson will get you laid. So pay attention.
The human brain and attraction When we get information from the world around us, the information goes into two parts of our brains: the neo-cortex and the amygdala. The neo-cortex Think of the neo-cortex as the reasoning/responsible brain. It allows us to understand symbolism and to weigh pros and cons of a problem. The neo-cortex also thinks of possible outcomes of an action. The neocortex is logical and wants a mate that makes sense. It wants someone reliable, honest, kind, and all that good stuff. Relatively, the neo-cortex takes a lot of time to make a decision because those pros and cons take a while to process. The amygdala The amygdala, on the other hand, is lighting fast. It doesn’t contemplate, it reacts. When the amygdala gets a glimpse of a new character, for example, it immediately categorizes it as a potential mate, potential threat, or potential dinner and acts accordingly. Since it is so much quicker, attraction always begins in the amygdala.
“Why is she telling me this?” To understand how women’s minds work you have to… well, understand how women’s mind’s work! For example, the amygdala is attracted to mates whose genes can help us survive. But since the amygdala is not the sharpest tool in the shed, it will pick up on certain signals and ignore others. If you knew what those signals were and how to send them, you’d be able to create attraction on command! I have another example. A lot of men ask “why won’t women just tell me what to do?” Good question. The problem is that the amygdala is not connected with any speech centers in the brain. In fact, studies show that what people said and what they did in choosing romantic partners were two different matters entirely leading scientists to conclude that men and women cannot reliably explain what they initially value in a romantic partner.1 You know how you’ve had the sneaking suspicion that women don’t know what they want? You were half right. Women know what they want, or rather, their amygdalas know it when they see it. But the women simply cannot explain it, because their amygdala doesn’t communicate with them in words. So by understanding the human brain, you now know that women aren’t the enemy. They would tell you what they want if they could.
“So how do I use this information?” Let me put it to you this way; when dealing with women, you must appeal to both their neo-cortex and amygdala. If you only appeal to a woman’s responsible brain she will love you in a completely a-sexual way. This is the friend zone. Many guys make the mistake of trying to appeal purely to logic to create attraction. They think: “why shouldn’t she want to be with me? I’ve been such a great friend to her and I would treat her so well!” But if you neglect the amygdala there is no amount of holding her purse while she shops that will get her to feel attracted to you. On the other hand, if you like a woman but only appeal to her amygdala she will mark you as a jerk that she shouldn’t have had that one-night-stand with. There are other permutations of this but either way, not good.
“Sex Differences in Mate Preferences Revisited: Do People Know What They Initially Desire in a Romantic Partner?” was published in the February issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.