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Features Farewell John Gray Says Goodbye to Quest................................16 Erotic Story Roadside Assistance.......................................................24 Showstoppers Texas Tease-A-Thon......................................................30 Out & About Shay Lynn at Glamour Girls..........................................34 Web Reviews Finding the Web’s Naughtiest Sites...............................36 Dave Cummings From The Trenches........................................................42 At The T.T. Bar From Cards By Harris....................................................47 Lone Star Lovely London of Joy Gentlemen’s Club..................................48

Departments Local Legal Expertise Final Words of Advice for 2012.....................................26 Director’s Chair The In’s & Out’s Of Pornland........................................38 The Funny Pages Something To Tickle Your Funny Bone.........................44 DVD Reviews This Month’s Hot Choices.............................................50

Essential Index

Directory Guide to Adult Entertainment in Houston.....................10 Letter from the Editor A Hope for a New Year..................................................14 Tit-Bits Houston’s Adult Rumor Mill.........................................22 Sexscopes We’ve aligned the stars just for you...............................46 Classifieds Check Out What’s In Store For You..............................52

Cover Girl: Misty Submissions will not be returned unless requested and accompanied by a S.A.S.E. Adult Quest reserves the right to revise any accepted material to fit editorial guidelines. Submission implies the work is original. Those submitting bear the responsibility of any copyright infringement. The products and services available herein are also not to be purchased by minors. The articles and editorials are meant for entertainment purposes only, and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Gray Entertainment Service, LLC it’s affiliates and or subsidiaries. This publisher in no way offers any recommendation, endorsement or guarantees of any kind in regard to any service, product or person advertised or mentioned within. Therefore Adult Quest and it’s publishers may not be held liable or responsible in any way for any actions ensuing from advertising. For questions or comments on this publication please don’t hesitate to write us at: 5722 Fairdale Lane, Houston, Texas 77057. Adult Quest and the original typeface creation and logo configuration are copyrighted representations of the Adult Quest trademark owned by Gray Entertainment Service, LLC. On July 27, 2006 President Bush signed into law the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006 (HR 4472). The series of acts within the bill are targeted to protect children from harm and exploitation. Elements of the new law also expand the types of images that require performers to provide government mandated documentation. Historically Adult Quest has chosen to not publish adult content that would be subject to these record-keeping requirements. However, the new expanded definition of adult content does cover some types of images that we allowed, specifically those which included genitals or pubic areas, even if blurred. We sincerely appreciate your understanding as we comply with the requirements of the new laws. Copyright 2012 © No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of its publishers. The Adult Quest logo design, was created by, is copyrighted and is the property of Gray Entertainment Service, LLC. Adult Quest Trademark is owned by Gray Entertainment Service, LLC. The publishers reserve the right to refuse any advertisement for any reason including, but not limited to, content or design with no further responsibility than a refund of any payments made. The publishers assume no responsibility for errors and/or omissions, or inability to publish due to mistake or any other reason caused or suffered by themselves or their subcontractors. Such an occurance will not constitute a breach of any contract and the publisher will be liable for only the price of the ad space and may at their option run a “make good” ad of the same size in a subsequent issue. No right to discount or credit will be given. The advertiser is solely responsible for ad content and photos and/or art work submitted for their advertisement and shall indemnify and hold harmless the publisher from photos or art work run in their ad due to copyright or trademark infringement, lack of proper releases, slander, libel, unfair trade practices etc. The advertiser also assures and takes full responsibility for keeping all records as to the age and identity of all models in submitted photos as required by law and proving that all models are 18 years old or older. Send questions, comments & submissions to: Gray Entertainment Service, LLC • 5722 Fairdale Lane • Houston, TX 77057

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FOR AD RATES CALL 281-780-1758

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BOOK & VIDEO STORES 24 Hour Video & DVD 12745 East Frwy (Exit Normandy) 713-445-8670 DT 24 Hour Video 176 N. Sam Houston Pkwy East 281-445-7727 BJ’s 24 Hour News 6314 Gulf Frwy 713-454-0340 Cupid 5305 Easthampton Dr. 281-219-7999 Executive Video 14002 Northwest Frwy (US 290) 713-462-5100 Fantasy Adult Bookstore 8120 Steadman 713-674-3805 Intrigue 9374 Richmond 713-244-2787 Pinemont Video 7700 Pinemont Suite F 713-460-8745 smoke alley 4602 Dacoma St. 713-688-0600 Talk of the Town DVD Stores 8226 Gulf Freeway 713-644-8140 10550 Gulf Freeway 713-941-8447 4121 N. Freeway 713-697-0542 12310 Hempstead 713-462-7424 9906 Eastex 713-692-6403

studios 7th Star Spa 2647 Winrock 281-974-5386 emerald spa 2235 Richmond Ave. 713-572-5618 envy 2637 Winrock 713-277-8782 Golden Times 3824 S. Dairy Ashford 281-589-7911 h bath house 7609 Broadview Dr 713-649-6025 j.c. spa 2900 Hillcroft 713-339-3303 mayflowers 9331 Gulf Freeway 713-947-0766 Mi Yun modeling 7711 Gulf Freeway 713-645-9077 Moon Spa 5114 1960 West 281-587-0883 mystique spa 10800 W. Bellfort Ave. 281-575-7223


new heaven 8314 Gulf Freeway oak spa 9544 Richmond Ave. 832-859-4088 Oasis Relaxation 1319 FM 1960 West @ Ella 281-580-8808 oriental bath house 8022 Almeda-Genoa 713-991-5995 oriental bath house south 10150 Almeda-Genoa - Suite H 713-944-4499 pink 730 Highway 6 South 281-531-8668 star bath house 7506 Park Place Blvd. 713-645-3333 tiffany’s modeling 13329 Veterans Memorial Dr 832-513-8908 v.i.p. spa 6318 Gulf Freeway 713-643-8881 zaz spa 2029 Mangum 713-688-0944

clothing boutiques Adam & eve 17531 Hwy 249 281-469-0619 25701 I-45 North, Exit 73 281-298-0069 Boogie’s Boutique 3303 Sage 713-629-7900 Bizarre Bazaar 12344 Gulf Frwy C-1 713-944-1957 3403 W. FM 1960 #C 281-843-1776 920 S. Mason Rd • Suite A 281-395-4747 10602 FM 1960 281-477-0885 7127 Spencer Hwy • Suite 150 281-478-9900 1401 Spring-Cypress Rd 281-288-4700 Bizarre Times 5727 Richmond Ave Across from Sam’s Boat 713-334-2021 8261 Richmond #N 713-532-9990 8726 Richmond 832-767-0331 8615 Westheimer 713-954-7121 Cindie’s 1641 Westheimer 713-528-6016 25915 I-45 N #C 281-367-3331 120 W 1st St. 281-970-0969 7903 Westheimer 713-266-8665 3507 S. Shepherd 713-522-9339

821 FM 1960 W 281-397-0731 4303 Hwy 6 N. 281-463-6234 1629 Hwy 249 281-897-9246 18165 Gulf Frwy 281-486-1000 Erotic Cabaret Boutique 1222 Westheimer 713-528-4565 Eros 1207 1207 Spencer 713-944-6010 High Times 6881 S. Gessner @ Bellaire 713-777-1783 Katz Boutique 2720 SW Freeway @ Kirby 281-496-5296 16855 North Freeway 281-444-5289 9820 N. Freeway, Suite B 281-847-9669 5555 SW Freeway 713-662-3000 1710 Highway 6 281-496-5285 12843 Westheimer 281-752-7970 14707 Eastex Freeway 281-360-0009 Love Works 25170 I-45 North 281-292-0070 Yandy Promo Code: QuestTX Zone D’ Erotica 19211 Hwy 45 & Cypresswood 281-528-7861 2626 W. Loop South 713-960-1762 22401 Loop 494, Suite 650 281-358-2720 131376 Willowchase Dr 281-970-4980 821 I-45 North Conroe 936-539-6607

male dance (for women only) La Bare 6447 Richmond Ave 713-780-0930

clubs Babe’s Cabaret 5614 Hillcroft 713-781-3675 Centerfolds 6166 Richmond 713-952-0799 chicas locas Michael’s International 6440 Southwest Frwy 713-784-5900 Chics Cabaret 10255 East Freeway 713-670-8438 Club Desyre 6920 Fairbanks N. Houston 832-439-0755 · December 2012

Club Onyx 3113 Bering Dr 713-785-0444 Cover girls 10310 West Little York 713-937-7772 crazy horse houston 5608 N. Shepherd Dr Diamond Club - Richmond 3136 Richmond Ave. 713-528-8116 eclipse 6821 South Gessner 713-771-7777 Fantasy North 8503 N. Frwy 281-999-6833 G Cabaret 9009 Airport Blvd. 713-910-3953 832-588-7726 glamour girls 14428 Hempstead Hwy. 713-462-1700 Gold Cup 12747 NW Frwy 713-460-0171 Hottyz Latino Cafe & Sports Bar 9870 Westpark 713-787-0081 Houston Dolls 313 Rankin Rd 281-443-1819 Joy of Houston 11242 FM 529 713-538-9200 la chatte 13335 Duluth 713-455-4424 Legends 6333 Richmond 713-784-6333 Legs Cabaret 8307 Gulf Freeway 713-242-6555 lust men’s club 9924 North Freeway 281-272-LUST Moments on the Southside 5133 Spencer Hwy · Pasadena 281-487-1962 The Men’s Club 3303 Sage 713-629-7900 Moulin Cabaret 8930 Winkler 713-910-4300 oceans cabaret 1244 Gulf Freeway 409-938-1515 the palace 9301 Bissonnet 713-774-8200 The Penthouse Club 2618 Winrock 713-974-2100 Playmates 9605 SW Frwy 713-778-1440 Pleasures 11150 NW Freeway 713-686-3401 privilege 6430 Westheimer Rd 713-364-1220

Rick’s North 410 N. Sam Houston Prwy 281-999-7891 The Ritz houston 10520 Gulf Frwy 713-944-6445 sinfully young 8926 Gulf Freeway 713-941-9600 Showpalace 1411 Spencer Hwy 713-943-2990 Solid Platinum 2732 West TC Jester @ 610 713-680-1414 Splendor 7440 W. Greens Rd 281-477-3000 sunset strip 2425 Mangum Rd. 713-680-3500­ Treasures 5647 Westheimer 713-629-6200 vegas men’s club 1925 HWY 6 South 281-531-7900 Scores 9850 Westpark 713-266-6560

ESCORTS BROOKE TAYLOR Text to: 832-510-8593

Misc. Services adult cakes by kim 713-320-3454 adult SMS texts 1-866-451-2622 Bunny Ranch 1-888-BUNNYRANCH custom motor sports 13326 Westheimer #C 281-741-0600 Greco & Associates, PC 8100 Washington Ave., Suite 250 713-972-1100 Greg’s Mobile Entertainment 281-772-3948 iron city gym 15922 Cypress N. Houston 281-213-2851 KCISS Guys: Girls: mega mates dating 713-229-9900 rookies sports bar 305-B Sawdust Rd 281-362-9610 safari sun screen printing 1-866-339-7291 Wine her dine her liquor 5410 Almeda Rd. 713-807-0054

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Adult Quest Magazine Houston 5722 Fairdale Lane Houston, Texas 77057 Office: 713-785-8684 Ad Sales: 281-780-1758 Owned by Gray Entertainment Service, LLC Publisher Walter Gray Editor Mitch Murphy Advertising Sales Mitch Murphy Dezi “Fab” Ramos Art & Design Director Heath Stillwell Contributing Writers Dave Cummings Art Koch Paul Allen Jeffery Greco Misha Moré Distributors Gray Entertainment Service, LLC

Quest is published monthly. The Publisher assumes no financial responsibility for errors in ads beyond the cost of the space occupied by the error. A correction will be printed in the case of an error. The Publisher is not liable for any slandering of an individual, business or group. We mean no malice or criticism at any time. Advertisers agree to hold publishers harmless for failure to produce any issue as scheduled due to reasons beyond the Publishers control. Publisher is not liable for any promised or lack of fulfillment from advertisers. All advertisers are responsible for the content of their ads, and Publisher is held harmless from all suits, claims or loss of expenses. This includes, but is not limited to, suits for libel, plagiarism, copyright infringement and unauthorized use of person’s name or photograph. Publisher is not liable for advertisers’ coupons in any way and does not promote excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages. Due to the active nature of the adult entertainment business, there may be staff changes after deadline affecting availability of models depicted in ads. All models pictured are 18 years of age or older. Custodian of records is Mitch Murphy. Quest contains adult material and should not be distributed or sold to minors under the age of 18.


As we get near to closing the door on 2012 and opening a new door into 2013, I pray that our Nation, our Government, and our States finally wake up and finally do something to restore our faith in the system. Think about this: how about instead of stripping away my rights and my freedoms, you hold individuals more accountable for their own actions! There is a nifty thought, huh?!! I know, I know… You’re thinking, “this sounds too easy, what’s the catch?” Guess what… There is no catch!!! LOL! Am I to believe that society has become that apathetic? Are people that blind, that lazy, and that stupid, as to sit by idly and watch right after right, freedom after freedom get taken away??? As we go through this holiday season, it would be nice for everyone to look back at what started this great nation, and try to get it back to what it should be. It was started by a group of people looking for religious and political freedom, sailing for a new land, a new hope. They started this great country of ours with the intent that all people should be considered equal, that people should be held accountable for any wrong they committed. But times, they have changed. It is amazing what fear, anger, and money can do to the rights and freedoms of a people. Let me try to explain in the space that is allowed for this article. LOL! I am a smoker and though I have no problem with stepping outside to smoke, it is amazing that people fear and cry about things that they aren’t educated on. According to this article, org/newspaper-article/2008/07/01/scientific-evidence-shows-secondhand-smoke-no-danger , there is no evidence that 2nd hand smoke does any harm. · December 2012

Yet, out of fear and ignorance, people that smoke are forced to go to so called smoking areas. Instead of people using their right to choose whether or not to go to a place that allows smoking, they would rather force their fears and ignorance on others. Measure B passed in California, another showing of the stupidity of people. People that engage in any type of sexual conduct, whether behind closed doors or on film, should have the right to choose what protection they use, if any. Yet, once again, out of fear and ignorance with millions of tax payer dollars wasted, a law has passed. Wow. Sexually Oriented Business laws boggle my mind on a daily basis. These laws are the epitome of fear and stupidity. How about if instead of wasting taxpayer’s money passing these laws and regulations, we spend it on education! There is a thought! If people spent time to educate their children, and if wives would hold their husbands accountable, and if men would take responsibility for their actions, then Sexually Oriented Businesses would be allowed to handle their own businesses. I pray as we come into 2013, that our nation, our states, and our cities really reevaluate the laws they are trying to pass. Educate yourselves. Fear and anger play a role in everyone’s life, but it is how you handle that fear and anger that defines who you are and what you become. Wake up people, this is my hope for the New Year! Merry Christmas everyone!

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At 1:45 a.m. in Houston, the bartender or waitress announces last call for alcohol and soon thereafter the lights are turned up and it closes another evening of fun. This ball game lasted into extra innings and it was a great one. Well after 19 years I am turning out my own lights as I am writing this, my final column, in what was my baby, that I introduced back in 1994 as Nightmoves to all of Houston.

our hugely rich future, our fame, all the goals for our future. But the perks expanded to free shows to review, being treated like VIPs at strip clubs & sports bars, lotsa drinks, lotsa laughs and so many crazy fun times! And

Yes I have decided to go in a different direction as you have seen in the mastheads the last few months that new names have appeared. Well, after over 400 columns (more or less) this Smutpeddler is grabbing his walking cane and putting on his traveling shoes and heading out. So why now, after almost 20 years, am I quitting? I can’t begin to tell you how much fun it has been with all the drop dead gorgeous ladies I have met through the years and big events I have attended, but the best part has been my e-mail in box. I seem to have gotten many messages from folks that have enjoyed what this publication has evolved into, a voice for the adult entertainment industry here in Houston! Through a few name changes I have been good for Houston, but Houston has been better to me. Thank You Houston for letting me publish this magazine, thank you Paul Allen for getting me started after a visit to your fine city of Tampa, Fla. Thank you to all my staff that put up with me bad and good, especially to Heath, who stuck by me the longest even after one or two blowups. Thank you to Bob Furey, for being the first club operator to believe in this publication and to all the hundreds of advertisers and tens of thousands of readers over the past 19 years that followed! I’ve had a lot of failings, as an entrepreneur, as businessman, and as a person and I have had a great run with this publication through thick and thin. I heard the words that, “I wouldn’t make it three months” to “I won’t advertise someone else’s club in mine”. I chuckle at them as this magazine has conquered those naysayers and knocked them out of the ball park. My remuneration back in those days consisted of shared pizza, a pitcher if ice tea, lots of coffee and so many naive expectations for the rich people we would all become. It was a time for happy daydreams of

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being around people who I could relate too. Those that were different, free thinkers, nonconformists, honest to a fault, but different, out of the box, down to earth, oddballs like myself. I would like to just throw out some comments and thoughts for a few paragraphs. Mark Twain said that “politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.” I am going to try to make it a foursome! Barry Zito, the baseball player once told me, “Anybody’s who’s ever mattered, anybody who’s ever given any gift to the world has been a divinely selfish soul, living for his own interest, no exceptions. People will take this the wrong way, but it’s true.” he told me. One of my favorite sayings is, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” I am doing just that! I have met many dear friends through the years and will continue to see them as I decide what my next steps will be. Yes, it’s time to say goodbye with a few tears in my eyes. I gave it my all and would like to pass the baton, so to speak, and wish the new owner, Walter Gray and new Editor, Mitch Murphy much success and happiness down the road, hopefully with less bumps than the first 19 years. Thank You Houston, John Gray

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roadside assistance

It was a cold day and the pouring rain did not help to warm Colleen up. She was on a back road and as she sped she heard a popping noise and then her radio turned off and she heard a rattling coming from her engine. She panicked at first but then decided to pull off to the side of the road. She looked around her car for her umbrella but she was in such a hurry that she must have forgotten it at her place. She knew she had to get to work so she decided that she had to check out her engine and see if she could do anything. Colleen ran to the front of her truck and opened up the hood. She looked, perplexed, at her engine as she tried to figure out what may be wrong with the engine, but it was hopeless. She was a 22 year old recent college graduate who had never been around cars and she was out of her league. She continued to look it over while the rain ruined her hair and makeup with each passing drop. She looked into the hood so intently that she never noticed another car pull up in back of her truck. A man got out of his car and approached her. He walked behind her without her noticing and checked out the finest ass he had seen in a long time. He was a 36 year old man and was in jeans and a t-shirt and he couldn’t help himself. The man walked up to her, grabbed her hips and rubbed his rock hard penis into her ass as she jumped her head up startled. She looked at the man’s face and smiled, liking what she saw. He spoke, “Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Is there anything that I can do for you?” “Do you know how to fix an engine?” she asked rubbing her ass back into his crotch, apparently satisfied with his size. “Not a damn thing,” he returned, “But I could give you a ride someplace. Cell service sucks out here.” “I would appreciate that,” she answered, “But first, how about getting that rock hard cock of yours out in the open.” He smiled and obliged. He dropped his jeans and underwear down to his knees and lifted up her tight fitting dress. He was pleasantly surprised when he saw that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. He smiled broader and positioned her to bend over more and give him better access to her hot, moist pussy. He penetrated her as she let out a moan of pleasure. He began pumping her slowly at first but as she verbally demanded it to become faster, he obliged. He pumped her back and forth, back and forth as fast as he could. He was so excited that he was getting some young ass that it was no time before he started to feel his cock to tingle. “Where do you want me to shoot my load, slut?” the man asked her. “Just shoot it inside me,” Colleen answered, “Fill my cunt up with your hot sauce!”

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The man pumped her fast and hard and soon he felt himself pass the point of no return. He groaned as he filled her love box full of his cum. He gave a few extra pumps after he finished then backed off. Colleen saw this and turned around to face his cock, dropped to her knees, and took his cock in her mouth, draining the last few drops of cum into her mouth. “That should do it,” she said as she stood up. “I’m heading to Springfield to work, could you get me there?” “Sure can,” he answered, “Let’s just close up your engine and lock up your truck first.” They shut the hood and Colleen grabbed her cellphone from her truck and then locked it up. They walked over to his car and as she went to open the passenger side car door she noticed that there was a woman sitting in the front seat so she opened up the back door and entered. She noticed that the lady must be in her late 30’s/early 40’s but was still in shape and was extremely attractive. The man entered and sat down in front of the steering wheel. He looked at the woman and said, “Her truck isn’t working so we’re going to take her to work. Honey, this is, um, what is your name again?” “I never said,” She answered, “But it’s Colleen.” “Hello, Colleen,” the woman answered, “My name is Heather. I trust that you already met my husband Tom.” Colleen blushed a little as she answered, “Yes, we met. It’s nice to meet you Heather.” Heather smiled, put her head into Tom’s crotch and smelled Colleen’s musky scent on Tom through his pants. She sat back up, looked at Tom, smiled a wicked smile, and then turned her head to Colleen in the back seat as she spoke, “Well, that’s not fair...” Colleen looked puzzled and a bit worried as she said, “What’s not fair?”

Heather leaned over her seat and got into Colleen’s face as she said, “That my husband got to have fun with you, but I didn’t. Why don’t you call in to work and we’ll all go have fun at our place, what do you say?” Colleen looked into Heather’s eyes and saw that they were a deeper shade of blue than her own and she felt herself grow wet and hot starng into them. “I think I’d like that,” she whispered.

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Final Words of Advice for 2012 I am fairly certain this was reported (whether any real investigation was performed or not) to sensationalize the issue and bring about a stronger demand to close all of these places down for good. Now until that happens, you, the entertainers, managers, cocktail waitresses, etc. are asking, “what can I do to make sure I don’t get arrested when the next raid happens?” The answer is not a simple answer, despite what many might believe. One thing is for sure; you need to be very careful as to how you act. You need to start every shift thinking this is the shift where the raid is going to take place. If you knew that ahead of time, how would you act at work? How would you dance? What would you say, or not say?

By Jeffery L. Greco of Greco & Associates, PC Attorneys At Law

I have news for you – if you are working in the entertainment industry, then you know things have been ramping up a lot lately. I have had an influx of calls from new clients that are dancers at any number of establishments, both in the city limits as well as outside the city limits. The Houston City Ordinance that is very restrictive is now being enforced outside the city limits by Harris County Sheriff’s Vice division, as they have essentially adopted it as their own. This is because most politicians and law enforcements see these places and the people who frequent them as one giant cesspool of drug trafficking, prostitution, and now, human trafficking. Yes. I said it. Lately we are seeing news reports where they are alleging that these places are havens for the human sex slave trade. Is there any truth to this? Maybe. Maybe not. I am certainly not an authority on this. However,


You need to be very vocal that you do not offer ANY kind of sex for ANY amount of money. In fact, my suggestion would be to speak to any potential customer BEFORE you get to the VIP or Champagne Room and tell them up front – I am not going to do anything in there that I cannot do out here. That will weed out the undercover cops, and any potential for problems. Will you make less money? Sure. But you will also stay out of the paddy wagon when the dust from the raid settles. So as long as you don’t offer sex for money, you are not going to be arrested, right? Wrong. Vice is getting more proactive and they are arresting a lot of girls for inappropriate “touching” of the customer. I know what you are thinking… “How can I make any money at all if I dance three feet from the customer on a · December 2012

stage 18 inches off the ground?” I don’t have an answer for you. If you do not comply you subject yourself to possible arrest if/when the raid happens. I cannot order you to act a certain way. I can only advise you what you “legally” can and cannot do. My job is to educate you as to what will get you arrested, and how to act, if you are arrested. Make no mistake about this – there is a war going on right now with the entertainment industry on one side and politicians and vice on the other. They will continue to march on until every place is shut down and women wear skirts that touch their toes and their heads are covered. So be careful. In this business you risk arrest each and every day. There is nothing you can do to “guarantee” you will not ever face arrest. All you can do is be advised as to what you are legally allowed or not allowed to do. At that point, you, as an individual, must make the ultimate decision as to how you will proceed. As we usher in this New Year, let us all be safe. Please do not drink and drive. It’s not worth it. Take a cab or limo. If you or anyone you know is arrested for any crime, have them call me immediately at 713-972-1100 and let us help you.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah! Please be safe this Holiday season and have a Happy New Year!

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When I signed in there were 64 models online. I liked being able to easily see who was online and available, but what I couldn’t figure out was how to easily see all the other performers. The ones that weren’t online. There is a basic search option and that did filter models online and off, but that was the best I could do. As for the ones online, there was a nice mix of looks and styles and they were mostly very cute and sexy and amateur. Clicking on a thumbnail takes you to that chick’s page where her live cam is showing. There you can see all the other people in the chat room, as well as chat publicly or send private messages to the model. I found that the babes sometimes didn’t answer in the public chat room, but the private messages were the best way to get a response and discuss what she would do in private chat. Speaking of private chat, there are multiple options for that. There is the cheapest option, group chat. For this one, once three people have requested it the model takes them into a show. Then there is private chat where others can “voyeur” (another low-priced option), but not communicate and then there is full private chat where it is just you and the model and this is the most expensive one, coming to about $4.80/minute. Of course, you can see the cam quality in the free chat before you decide to pay to take them private. Although, I should mention that some chicks get naked in the free chat. I think it was because some guys in the room were tipping them, but whatever the reason, this was a nice surprise I randomly came across. The design and navigation were smooth and simple and I found some girls who were very friendly and more than willing to do anything I asked of them. The full private chat is a little on the expensive size, but I liked that there were multiple other chat options and pricing, the cams looked good and I did come across more free-chat nudity here than on any other live cam site I can remember.

Explicite Art is a sitename that might conjure up images of glamorous solo posing. However, it isn’t a softcore porn site. When they use the word “explicite,” they mean explicit in the XXX sense. As to art, there is no denying that the professional quality and creative layouts are artistic and sleek. France’s most famous porn director, the 10-time Euro Porn Award winner John B. Roots, has been producing great content for the site for years. Please note that ExpliciteArt used to be called Explicite, but some hacker stole the old domain. Now they can be found here with a more clean design. The scenes are represented by a small thumbnail in the movie section. Over 100 of them are broken up into two parts and some of them have as many as five. The rest are all full-length files. They show you gorgeous chicks mouth-fucking dudes, getting their pussies and asses plowed, having lesbian sex and getting into group fucking sessions. There’s a separate film section that shows similar porn movies, only these ones come with plotlines. All videos are in French, but come with subtitles. Each photo set comes with a rating that lets you know how intense the action gets. Picture sets contain from 50 to 100 images. It’s great that you can save the galleries easily and quickly in Zip files. You can search any specific model out by choosing her name from a dropdown menu on the left and you can also pick the activity (lesbian, solo, group, etc). Moreover, you can opt to just search the photos or videos. Even though there are some glamorous layouts, the models definitely have an amateur appeal, sort of that gal-next-door type. There’s a good mix of ethnicities too, with creamy white chicks, ebony angels and various caramel-skinned babes. There are also live shows advertised as being 24/7 and starring various Explicite Art models. The site is updated 20 times a month and just under half of those updates are movies. With all the incredible, artistic and high-quality material to see, a membership to this site is definitely worth your while.

Here’s the way I see it. Basically, a dude has two options. He can insert his penis and gently slide it in and out, or he can pound away until he and the gal collapse in a heaving pile of orgasmic ecstasy. He can just tear her clothes off and then Rip Her Up, man. That’s what happens on this site when people fall heels over head in lust with each other. When we last checked in, RipHerUp was building up its collection and now their library is a bit bigger. The design is okay, although you could get tripped up using the navigation bar at the top of the screen since it will return material from across the network. If you would rather only see the content from this site, choose its name from the right-hand side of the homepage. There are 90 videos and they’re pretty sweet. Some of them are even 3D and most offer high-def playback. The 90 sets of photos can be downloaded in convenient Zip files. The pics look pretty good and are a decent size. All the sets follow the action in their respective video, but you’ll also get to see some extra posing from the hottie from before and after the scene. You’ll see ripped panties, shredded hosiery, torn jeans and shirts, and the gals are all slender and sexy.


Extras include access to eight other sites from the Fetish One Pass network, including I Love Mini Skirts, Fuck My Jeans, Urban Teen Models and 3D Porn Action. Most of the sites feature a similar amount of content and the quality is just as good throughout. Some of them aren’t updating, though. Currently, updates are about two weeks apart and while that’s not great, at least we’re still getting new content. Rip Her Up has some exclusive rough sex that’s well presented, so it’s worth joining, but there isn’t an overwhelming amount of material, so you might not stick around for more than a couple of months. · December 2012

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The piracy continues and seems to have a strong chokehold on many companies, performers, crew, and other players in porn production –why shoot when you might not even recover production costs, let alone make a profit! The numbers of performers and productions has thinned considerably. My personal access to sex via porn shoots is way down, almost nonexistent lately. Thankfully, swinging continues in what seems like an expanding way, so I have access to sex via that avenue. The piracy has made my face more readily recognized as more and more folks wrongly download porn from the Internet. Yesterday, during my daily exercise walk on the beach boardwalk while wearing sunglasses and a hat for privacy, I was approached four different times by porn consumers who recognized me from downloaded adult films they had obtained off of the Internet. No, I didn’t get any action from it, but last night a groupie coed brought a new dorm girl by to show her that she actually knew me, and yes they both gave me head before they went back to study; being an older porn star sometimes helps me get laid by women who are into the “daddy thing” (Elegant Angel has a whole series titled “It’s a Daddy Thing”, and yes I’ve performed in a couple of them). Last night at a local happy hour, a military guy approached me to ask a number of the usual porn questions - Do the girls really cum, how do we prevent getting HIV/STDs, and how could he get into porn. I guess it was good that I had ordered a salad, rather than having my meal get cold while he fired off questions galore; I left early, just to regain some privacy to be alone with my best friend, namely “ME”. At a couple’s house for a swinging party last week, instead of the normal “go slow” and early socializing that often happens, sex erupted within the first 30 minutes. Parties with experienced swinger couples who have long ago set their personal rules and boundaries, and have good communication skills between themselves really seem to enjoy the “No

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Strings Attached” sex that abounds. On my way home, I realized that I received oral from six of the ladies, and had repeated vaginal sex with one of them much of the evening (her guy enjoyed watching her, and I later noticed them having intercourse in a stand-up doggie position in the laundry room off of the kitchen). Yes, the pot luck food was good, too. Well, the voters of Los Angeles County opted on Nov 6th for mandatory condoms in porn shoots, something most of us porn people are not happy about. I imagine that a lot of the remaining producers who still shoot in spite of piracy are now reviewing their varied options. California and New Hampshire are the two only States where porn production is legal. A lot of insider people at last week’s Free Speech Coalition Summit were brainstorming alternatives to dealing with or complying with the condoms mandate. I sense that this will not be easily or quickly resolved. Between the negative effects of piracy and the financial mess of mandatory condoms, porn production as a business seems stressed. The Xmas holiday season is here now. Drive safely, use sun block (even during this time of year), and enjoy life and family. Merry XXXmas, Dave Cummings

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Pearly Gates Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something “Christmassy”. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?” The third man answered “They’re Carol’s.” Customer Service A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, “Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I’ll be god damned if I am going to wait my ass in line anymore.” “Please”, says the woman. “I won’t have that kind of language in this bank.” “Well excuse me, but this fuckin’ check ain’t drawing any god damned interest with you yappin’ away about my language.” “Sir, I don’t have to take this abuse” she says. “Well then let’s get the fuckin’ manager, okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?” The manager is summoned, and says “What seems to be the problem?” The woman says, “This man is using vulgar language and I won’t stand for it.” The man says, “Hey alls I’m trying to do in this god damned bank, for Christ’s sake, is deposit this fuckin’ check for 15 million dollars!” The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says, “And this fuckin’ bitch won’t help you?!” Santa’s Lap Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, “I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas.” And with his index finger

44 · December 2012

he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, “T-O-Y-S.” The little boy answers, “No, I have enough toys.” Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, “C-A-N-D-Y.” Again, Johnny says, “No, I have all kinds of candy.” “Well, what would you like for Christmas?” Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, “P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!” Doctor Visit A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy’s penis isn’t orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person’s life.” Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I’m getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isn’t the reason. He asks the guy, “How’s your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.” Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t “I think your balls are hanging too low.” “Check out Rudolph’s Honker!” “Santa’s sack is really bulging.” “Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?” “I love licking the end til it’s really pointy.” “From here you can’t tell if they’re fake or real.” “Can I interest you in some dark meat?” “To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.”

Alaskan Retreat

A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said, “I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.”

A couple decided to Alaska for a romantic weekend. When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. He came in after five minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said, “here put your hands between my thighs to warm them.” So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood.

Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. “Look dad... In the course of my bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus all had long hair.” “Yes. I’m aware of that…” replied his father, “but did you also notice thatthey all walked wherever they went?” They don’t call me..

He came in after another five minutes and said “Honey my hands are cold again”. So she tells him, “here put your hands between my thighs to warm them.” So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. Five minutes had passed and he went in again and said, “Honey my hands are cold again”. She then said, “Damn! Don’t your ears ever get cold?” The Office Party John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?” “Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.” “He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.” “You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.” “Well, screw him!” said John. “I did. You’re back at work on Monday.” Tequila Shots A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas. The bartender asked, “what’s wrong,” and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay. The bartender says, “he’s sorry about it.” After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas. The bartender asked, “What’s wrong now,” to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too. The bartender says that he’s sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas. The bartender burst out, “Isn’t anyone in your family gettin’ any pussy?!” The guy gets really pissed and says, “Yeah, my wife!!!!! A Car For Christmas Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. “Okay.” said his father “I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘C’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.”

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing.... “I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won’t call you ‘the bridge builder’ if you do that here. No, no, they don’t!” “I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won’t call you ‘the house builder’ if you do that. No, no they don’t!” “I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that people won’t call you ‘the tavern builder’ either. They sure won’t!” “But if you fuck one goat.......” Seducing Santa A beautiful Santa groupie decided she was going to give Santa a present he wouldn’t forget. So she puts on a negligee and sits next to the fireplace. Around midnight, Santa drops down the chimney when the young woman says in her sexiest voice, “Oh Santa, please stay. Help keep the chill away.” Santa replies, “HO HO HO! Gotta go, gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” The girl drops her robe to reveal a nightie and pleads, “Oh Santa, don’t go so soon. Let’s go to the couch and spoon.” Santa, feeling flushed, replies, “HO HO HO! Gotta go, gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” The girl takes off her top and says, “Oh, Santa. Please stay. Help me celebrate Christmas Day.” Santa’s eyes get wide, but he still answers, “HO HO HO! Gotta go, gotta go! Gotta get the presents to the children, you know.” Finally, she slips off her panties, winks at him, and says, “Oh, Santa… Please?…” With a smile, Santa says, “HEY HEY HEY! Gotta stay, Gotta stay! Can’t get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!”

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