While we did what we could to maintain connection and intimacy during the years of training and deployments, having to actually do that in person was much more difficult than I realized. I was not in the business of asking for help. I was not in the business of letting others in. I was most certainly not in the business of relinquishing control over the way our days went and how things were accomplished. Deployment mode: such a good and helpful way to live; until it isn’t. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that, then. I didn’t know that this defense mechanism that was triggered to protect me during deployments was not going to serve me well in the long run. Now I know that in these times of intense transition whether it be post deployments, PCSs, or from active duty to veteran status, there are a few things I need to do to protect my mental health. • Ask for help- from family, friends, neighbors • Let others in- sometimes this looks like actually letting people into your home to share a cup of coffee. Other times this looks like sharing some of what you are struggling with so they can help carry the load. • Relinquish control- having routines and systems are excellent strategies for a life well lived, but when those routines and systems are so rigid, they amp up anxiety and stress it may be time to reexamine them and let them go. • Remind myself that this period of transition is a season and seasons don’t last forever. Deployment mode is something that serves a purpose and has its place. It just doesn’t serve me well or need to have a place forever.
Jenny Lynne Stroup serves as the Outreach Coordinator for the S teven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic at Veterans Village of San Diego. www.vvsd.net/cohenclinicsandiego The Cohen Clinic at VVSD is one of 19 mental health clinics nationwide under nonprofit Cohen Veterans Network(CVN) which focuses on providing targeted treatmentsfor a variety of mental health challenges facing post-9/11 veterans and military families, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, transition challenges, and more.
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