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diversions 46 PAGE

Name the australian pine answers on page 5!

This one was recently discovered after being thought extinct... Know what it is?

These are commonly used as popular coastal town landscaping elements.

This pine says ‘whoooshhhhooo’ in the wind, and sounds like a ghost. It is a...?

A native to the Adelaide plains, this one says ‘You’re such a cunt’ in parliament, among other things.

agony emma

Life advice from someone who probably needs to see a therapist

Yo Emma, I was riding home and thinking about the city Buenos Aires and about how I say it. Then I was like why does it sound different? And then I realised I was saying it in a Spanish accent rather than an Australian one. I pondered whether I sounded wanky, and still have yet to come to a conclusion. Can you clear this up? I mean I kinda speak Spanish – does that give me more of an ability to get away with the wankyness of it? – Blanche First of all – and let this be a lesson to all of you – do not address me with ‘yo’. Let me make this very clear Blanche: we are not friends. I don’t know you. I am here to help you with your mediocre life problems, and that’s it. I am not one of the foulmouthed, marijuana-smoking youths among whom you spend your time. I am your superior, SHOW SOME RESPECT. Vis-a-vis the problem: if you pronounce it correctly in front of non-Spanish speakers, in their eyes you will become one of those people who are all ‘Oh yah, I am fluent in like five different languages’, who in reality can count to ten in four of them, and have seen a mildly erotic film in the other. However if you are in Buenos Aires and make absolutely no effort at correct pronunciation, the locals might think you are American, and hate you. Basically, when at home, don’t, as people will think you are a notorious wanker. When in Rome (read: Buenos Aires), do, or else you will become an even more obvious target for pickpockets than you undoubtedly already are.

I am a third year mechanical engineering student, but am having trouble keeping up with the workload as I suffer from traumatic recurring nightmares. The nightmares usually are about the end of the world but lately I’ve been dreaming of my homework killing me in different ways. I don’t want to see a therapist because they are for crazy people, but it’s really stressing me out. - Lauren, 22 If you don’t want to see a therapist that’s fine – you will simply be joining the legions of other people in this world who are also in denial about their precarious state of mental health. Regarding the workload, you should either a) Devise a detailed study plan to provide yourself with the comforting illusion of efficiency-make sure to highlight things even when the actual purpose of highlighting them is not actually apparent to you; or b) realise that the workload is not your entire existence, you are not the workload’s entire existence, and be at one with the Earth and this world. (Even I don’t understand what I just wrote.) But Lauren, you should really just see a psychologist. Or at least wheedle your way into getting a sleeping pill prescription. For Jesus Christ fucking sakes, you’re an adult. You should know this shit by now.

Got a question you’d like Emma to answer? Email us at ondit@adelaide.edu.au with the subject title ‘Agony Emma’.

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