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Emma's Dilemmas I'm in class, at home, or on public transport and my pants nor mally fit me, but occasionally they get really tight and I start to bulge out of them. Am I going through a growth spurt and do I need new pants? -Anonymous, 22 Anonymous, Come on man. Okay I’ll indulge you momentarily. Maybe you’re the Incredible Hulk of ill-timed erections. Except that, instead of saving the world you’re just going to accrue a litany of restraining orders such as the world has never before bor ne witness to. I guess your super power would be something like ‘master accruer of restraining orders’ or something. Except that is nothing to be proud of you nug get of filth shat out by a nug get of filth. Get you and your tur gid penis the fuck outta heeere.

Hey Emma, Any tips for great shower sex? -S., 21 Hi S ., I think maybe using lube and never ever soap oh god don’t fucking ever use soap are some excellent starting points. I am not actually a sex wizard contrar y to popular belief so I don’t have much more to add than that but if you ever need pointers on how to pair a sassy turtleneck sweater with a sassy pair of bootleg slacks, I’ll be here. Waiting.

46 Emma’s Dilemmas

Hi Emma, What’s the most disturbing por no you’ve ever seen? -B., 18 Wow anonymous, Well I could be lighthearted ‘n’ whimsical ‘n’ tres Frankie Magaz ine etc. and say that the most disturbing por no I’ve ever seen is a SpongeBob SquarePants one but to be honest, the fact that rape por n exists makes me want to just abandon society and live in a forest with no access to the outside world in manner of Amazonian tribes they discovered a couple of years back because I despair so much of my fellow humans sometimes that I’d rather hang out with anacondas and piranhas than take another day of this bullshit- or maybe I should just move to a really out-of-the-way yoga ashram that doesn’t have access to W i-Fi and therefore the inter net and therefore the deepest darkest recesses of people’s soulsanyway where was I? Like I get it, it’s just a sexual fantasy for a lot of people and sexual fantasies are places where we can indulge in transgressive sexual desires. But why why why does the subconscious desire that a woman be treated so cruelly exist for so many people? Oh shit I’ve gotten too threatening again. Um. Cats cats cats vintage doilies I’m feminist but in a sufficiently unimposing way that it’s all part of my adorable left-wing quirky-girl shtick so men still like me cats.

Issue 83.5 Censored  

This censored version of 83.5 contains limited references to adult themes.

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