THE DOG ATE MY
Homework BY STUART MULLINS
The below is dedicated to all those HR personnel / recruiters and managers that have gone through the process of recruitment only to be let down at the last moment. OR... The people that have been stood up by a date that does not show.
T
o those primary school teachers who had to listen for decades the proverbial “The dog ate my homework”.
(I tried this line once in grade three with a Mrs Candar. I never did use it again. After being given the cuts across the knuckles by her trusty ruler that we named bob. Why Bob? Because that's what you did when Mrs. C and Bob would walk the isles of the classroom. If you ever have to ask why the HR Department has a boxing bag erected in their office then you have never recruited. Have you ever interviewed what you believe is a brilliant candidate. That you and the team have interviewed several times by phone, Skype and in person. Reference checks were excellent. AND the boss is happy. The offer goes out... THEN: No reply. No answer Right at the time this offer comes out. The candidate was very efficient before hand. Now there are tumbleweeds rolling in the streets. You don't want to think it BUT you know what is about to occur.
9. My partner just got offered a promotion... really? Just then. What are the odds of that? Out to the punching bag. 10. I’ve had second thoughts. 11. I did not realise how expensive accommodation is. 12. I have been counter offered. This is even after the candidate replied with an emphatic NO when asked by the HR or Recruiter: Would you accept a counter offer? Off to the punching bag. 13. I have been told I'll lose my bonus. 14. I have a 6-month termination clause. 15. I wont be accepting and decided to stay where I am. 16. OR The phone interview was great and a person to person interview set up. Then you are hit within the first minute of the office interview; You are thinking, is this the same person? Trying to marry up the image on linkedin and the phone conversation to the person now in your office? Much like the first date where you both got it wrong. OR 17. In the worst case the candidate just does not show up on their start date. A no show. The first date scenario.
A script is about to unfold by the candidate that you have heard all before:
Where did I go wrong?
1. There was a sudden family medical emergency.
You didn't. Life just happened.
2. My grandmother has passed. (Again). This one should go straight into the rather large Grandmother passed away file. How many grandmothers do people have?
If one does walk past the HR office and hear or see an individual going hell for leather on the punching bag using expletives $#%@ $#%@ S#%@ leave them be. DO NOT say a word. Just keep walking.
3. The phone was not working. 4. I lost my phone. 5. My dog ate my phone. 6. Where will my 3 children go to international school? This was not on their resume. Never mentioned by the candidate in the interview till the offer. Each child of school age years in locations like Hong Kong, Singapore, Japan, China etc. are a cost to the owner of a minimum of $20,000 used pa. We love children BUT there is a cost that must be borne by someone. Out to the punching bag I say!! 7. My partner needs a job.
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8. I have had another discussion with my partner.
There should also be a HR venting booth. As you have noticed the HR department is pet / cat free for a reason. Replaced with the punching bag. Very wise indeed.
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO RECRUITER: • What’s the market like? • What’s out there?