herself Princess Kittymittens and sold LSD. People tell terrific stories, and she drinks warm milk every night to help her sleep. 6 Mr. Sacrosanct7 has a lady coworker who drinks a two-liter bottle of Dr. Pepper twice daily. When he is very tired he can see it oozing out of her pores. He has his own pore problem: he’s allergic to fluorescent lights. They give him bumpy skin, which never goes away anymore, even on vacation. Bette calls it gator skin, though really it looks more like plucked chicken. Bette has a text message from her husband. She still doesn’t know how to check text messages.8 She thinks maybe some wine might help her figure it out. She rubs rosemary between her fingers. Sprigs and needles litter the chops. The pan goes into the broiler. Bette swigs the Rioja straight from the bottle, pours some into the marinade for the hamburgers, and squints at her phone. Lily9 is almost sideswiped by a pink Corolla, and this scares her up onto the sidewalk where she collides with a barbed wire–topped fence. The blue reflective vest gets torn a little but the barbs don’t break through her wife beater. A pair of basset hounds weep at her through the chain link. She stares after the Corolla with a strange look, remounts her bike, and continues on her way. Bette is lying on the couch with a cool, wet washcloth over her eyes. The empty bottle of wine is hidden in the kitchen trash (cue laugher). Her phone keeps buzzing. She doesn’t know why. “Esther!” she yells. “Esther, come exorcise my phone!” And, “The pork chops—” And, “Oh shit.” Esther has already left. Lily tosses her bike on the lawn and walks in through the front door. “Mrs. Sacrosanct,” she says. “Bette,” she says. She sits down at Bette’s feet. “What can I do?” Bette stirs. “Lily?” This is one of the new plotlines this season, this sexual tension between Bette and her daughter’s friend. 10 She removes the washcloth. “Darling, what do you think of that mustache of Esther’s?” Lily
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This has been going on since the pilot itself, when she had an acid flashback and then began to be accosted by assorted eclectic personalities (see Pilot: Summary and Analysis) 7 Mr. Sacrosanct is played by Denny Rich; some say he is the most underrated character on the show 8 Despite the fact that she’s had the phone for ten episodes now (see Ep. 45, Enfant Oblige) 9 Lily (Greta Gould) was played by Marissa Lynch for the first two seasons and replaced by Gould in subsequent seasons; the reason for this replacement remains unclear (see The Sacrosancts: Gossip and Speculation) 10 (see Ep. 50, 54)
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