Chronology of love Chronology of the auxiliary historical discipline, which sets the date of historical events and documents, the sequence of historical events in time, a list of some events in their temporal sequence. But, what is a "Chronology of love"? This book focuses on A wonderful feeling Love. Prologue Cloudy weather, my favorite, especially when rain. Rain washes away all the paint and leaves the gloom and greyness. Only after the rain around us is becoming a reality for what it really is, without bombast. Black walls of houses, dirty roads, wet leaves, the rhythm of the rain - all this suggests profound melancholy, which quickly get used to. In these moments you want to be alone, listen to music, daydream. I hate loneliness, but also in their own way like we have a special relationship with him that not everyone will understand. In this book I will write about two teenagers, they are fictional, but they live in each of us, and can be lived, sometime in childhood. *** It always seemed that the sound of drops like a heartbeat, drip-drop, breath exhalation. On rainy days, I remember a lot. Remember the past are not bad, even if it's bad memories. Worse if you have nothing to remember. As they say - should not be afraid that you will soon die, but what you do not begin to live. And I began to live and, therefore, I can remember moments ... Moments of my life.
Chapter 1. Memoirs of an unknown
After the rain was cool, but it did not stop me to go out and get some fresh air in the sweltering July night. In recent days, the heat became so unbearable that involuntarily start thinking to move to live with her grandmother in a village of 1000 kilometers. It's better out there in the wilderness, but the creek near by, than here in the stifling concrete city with a "bunch" of tired people. They go and complain about the heat, go and grumble, go and annoy me.
I opened the door to the balcony and in front of me opened a beautiful view of the dark park. Long and mighty trees stand in a row. After the rain, they suggest a kind of fear because of dirty trunks and wet leaves, which rose lazily in the breeze. Twigs are reluctant to stagger in opposite directions and are reflected from the shadow of hybridizing in mysterious patterns. A cold wind, wet leaves and mud - it seems like come autumn, if I had slept for one month and woke up in the cloudy autumn night. You know, I'd love to now sleep for a couple of years. Then he would wake up, looked at what turned people and if I did not like it again on the side. My view has attracted a small almost invisible flame on the ground. I rested her hands on the railing and promoted housing forward, but saw nothing until the first floor is not turned on the light. Flame was a cigarette. She was holding a woman who once stood up from his seat and went somewhere to park. Behind her ran her shadow. From man may turn away all but his shadow, though it goes during the day. Gone, probably to seek adventure - flashed through my mind. There are people who are looking for something new, someone looking for a someone of wealth, while others simply wonder. It seems to me, so much better than a lifetime to go to the same goal, and then ask, "but do you need?". It's like a lifetime, for example, to learn from the child's doctor, but later realize that your heart wants to give children a smile and not take them. Searches are held in different places: at a noisy party or in the desert and forgotten streets, such as, for example, is ours. But personally I do not know what I'm looking, so I can not do the search for "this most." Maybe my life is the very search? I have about a minute staring into the distance, even when the light disappeared. Because of the darkness can not be something to consider in the park. Just from memory I know that it skirts the road in the form of an oval. Happy here and ride little kids bikes, strolling quiet step lovers, and sit under the trees, lonely people. In a word park lives, until it begins to darken. At nightfall, no one comes here - it just freezes until dawn. *** My little balcony, wood and cozy. But me and attracts this kind of repulsive. Wooden planks were quite dark after rain. They have already rotted, like the whole damn house. Black stains, huge crack. At all affected by the age of our house. 35 years old - age is not small, I do not know whether you can still live in it? When I grow up definitely move my mother out of this house somewhere abroad, for example, in a small village in Spain. Buying a house and a small garden. Of course, this is still a dream, but I hope that everything will turn out.
Will be painful to part with his native city, the house where I grew up, because since childhood I have lived here. So many memories, but sometimes you just let go. Painted on the walls of the balcony pets (even then) a bright pink marker, now lost brightness and color if you do not look closely, you can simply overlook the masterpieces of my childhood. I spent along the lines of the figure with his hand. The past is sometimes so close you can feel it. From the roof hung a piece of dirty cloth. How much of this cloth was similar to my old shorts. It made me smile. Mom always puts it in the hole on the roof, so that she does not leak. On the floor, beds comfortable waterproof mat is mainly due to problems with the roof. On both sides of the balcony is strongly piled: pots, jars and buckets. In general, ordinary household items, in my opinion, it should be thrown out long ago. Why keep things that are no longer using? They can cause pain, because every thing is either part of the soul, or a memory. And not all of them pleasant, I looked at a box with a set of collectible knives. I remember this set of knives, my mother gave me otchemu. Were good times. *** When I'm sad I will definitely come to the balcony. Cigarettes, fresh air and night - it's my cure for the everyday life span of the environment, from the bustling city, from the obsessive thoughts of all that is needed - personal recipe for depression. I looked at the night sky. Stars rastelilis across the sky. Night and today a great and amazing. Dark gray clouds float quietly across the sky, sometimes covering the stars and the moon. Night Sun - creamy, it seems that hung right over my balcony, as in romantic movies. This far, and at the same time is near. Want to reach, but does not work, but she seemed to laugh at my helplessness. With trembling fingers, buckled the last button on his shirt. It became cooler. The wind did not abate. The trees rustled and swayed in a mad rhythm. All this happened within seconds. My hair has evolved in all directions, they climbed in the eyes and mouth. Well, finally gave way to stifling wind. Second, and I heard a nearby branch snapped and fell with a crash to the ground. Cry of birds and silence. ... Everything fell into place. The wind died down. The birds rested, it seems that everything was relieved. I looked at the sky, and thousands of thoughts came into my head. I thought about friends, about the future of his mother, but most importantly about freedom. Has long since decided that I should be a free man, no matter what price I would not have to pay. Free from anything that imposes on us and the state television. I'm almost free, but sadly, I'll always be addicted person. Affections too much, and most important love. From it impossible to leave, it will always haunt you. I'm 17, but until I can feel the sweet taste of freedom. While I was - a pawn. Simple no one needed a pawn, which means nothing.
Delight only in that it still needs a little bit, because somebody has to cover their ass kings. It was the first and the second most important thing - for a pawn nobody is hunting. While pathos for king and queen a fierce hunt, then kill a pawn in the last turn. Calm and quiet LIVE. But what is freedom? For someone just to walk to school, have freedom. In my understanding the same freedom - the flight of a bird, which soars upward, closer to the clouds and sun. They do not reach the stars and get to them by hand, or almost impossible ... I believe that if a person strongly wants something, whether it be a star, or the freedom of her heart, then he will definitely be able to achieve this. To do this, just need the willpower, but not everyone is given at birth, it should develop. A friend of mine once said: To feel truly free and you can within the four walls and even in prison, just need to believe that you are not moldy, not covered with moss. I took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one for a long time holding in his lungs bitter smoke cigarettes. The smell of smoke calms me and relaxes. Smoking - is not a disease and not a habit, a way, a way to survive. I started smoking with age 13, the first time I thought that love. To me, attitude is not just kissing and hugging, and more when you can feel the joy or the pain of his second half. Yes, love is generally a complicated thing. So people are not saying there is nothing in our lives do not come easy, but love all the more so for her to pay. Of course, like many before her only I had more - I exhaled smoke and the wind immediately sent it up in the sky. A couple of seconds, I watched as the smoke rises, and then let his head and tightened again nicotine into their lungs. Leaves rustled. I breathed the fresh air. How do I want to become the wind, fly, feel the freshness and to feel the drops of dew in the mornings. Fly to all countries and return home after many many years to remember how he lived here in childhood fought as a teenager, like falling in love. Bask in the sun, and every morning, arrive in a room that only one to meet her warm touch of the wind, stroking her hair and wrap with love and tenderness. Suffer pain from the undivided love, but still, enjoy. Keep track of how she raises her children, as dreams, as he lives ... Want to get a guitar and play all night, looking at the stars and the moon, remember that the past, and dream about what will happen. Listen to every sound taking off from the guitar. Feel with your fingertips vibration from the strings. Music - is the soul, and no matter whose, because all have their own song. Metallic or whether it's Richard Marx, there is no difference as long as it was. People without music in my soul, no. Born, we tune and with age learn new chords and timbres, adding words, we write a song, a song about his life. Lose the music of your soul easily. This happens when happiness leaves you and you cease to be, to love and feel. With a resident of my heart the same thing happened. Happiness has left her and never returned, and then she left. I do not want to recall it, but my heart will never forget because it is the one and only.
People will always remember that in his heart, in contrast to memory, the memory is not eternal. If you really want to keep the memory of someone you love, keep it in your heart, where he will be warm and cozy. I sank into memories, tightening the smoke into the lungs. As you want, what would he have got to the heart, because there a pain ...
September 1, 2008, Grade 9.
The company of five people standing at the gates of the school. They myalis and absolutely did not want to go there. Each of them wanted to pass on, but realized that will not do it, which is not strong enough. School â„– 3 was famous for excellent knowledge in chemistry and computer science. Won the great places in the city running races, long jump, cross-country skiing. At basketball games she was always the first place. Won many competitions. At school number 3 best athletes in the age group from 11 to 16 years. Top exhibitions, concerts and events. Hundreds of degrees and diplomas. Too perfect for school, where almost every month, leaving the teacher. Yeah, anyway, but teachers do not stay there long. *** My high school friends: Robert, Alice, Monica and Steve. Our school - as if he hated it, I'll always remember, as if I was not bored here, it will be in my memory. A school for everyone - it is something more than just a building. It is imbued with stories, laughter and disappointment, love and hate. Never and nowhere you do not feel comfortable, than in their own school, even after ten years, when many memories will be forgotten. It will cause you to have softened on the past years. Within the walls of the school was a big part of childhood and adolescence. My mom was studying here, so the question of where I did not submit an issue. One of the memorable moments of my life was the transition from junior to secondary school. And our parallel class of the concert, but my mom at the concert was not, although she came to school. I was very nervous, so entangled in words, did not the movement. A teacher who was sitting in the front row furiously looked at me, from this I felt even worse. Hands sweating and his eyes nearly filled with tears, but the blush on my white cheeks, I generally keep quiet. After the speech, I ran a search for his mother. She was on the fourth floor. Leaning my forehead against the wall, she stroked her hand. Standing for five minutes, my mother looked at me and hugged. In the eyes with tears. Not realizing that such a wall, I touched his hand and felt emanating from it cold. Nothing supernatural about it was not. Then mom put me so that my eyes were in front of her eyes and said: "We met your father." ***
Mmm ... love school, in many cases, first love, first kiss, but not always describe it as awesome in the movies. In the movie, all willfully and romantic, even puke hunting. The most handsome boy falls in love with a beautiful girl, they both are rich, life is beautiful, beautiful children, then grandchildren. Boredom. ... But back to not mock school romance. My father, of course, threw the mother as soon as he learned that she flew. How can this be? At age 19, I'm not ready for such responsibility. This is also the end of the partying, parties, beer, clubs. All the concerns about this little devil, who always screams and asks is there. As you can see, my father was not very fond of his little son, and called us a happy family language is not rotated. Never seems to me that people do not withdraw this movie, all accustomed to Happy End'u. I am you will be glad he was, but life sort of thing that can not simply give happiness to everyone. Mom was glad did not last long, two or three years. One word - zebra. You can certainly express our whole life in pieces, but perhaps the best brief. After my mother's father threw her grief knew no bounds, it is quite different. This often happens when the force of human will is smaller than descended upon him grief. Ten years of self-destructive behaviors and finding the main question of her life: "Why?". For the first time in life I did not understand all this, and what was understood. Mom smiles - then it is good, but then I began to realize that this feigned a smile. And God bless him with hypocrisy, I lived ten bloody years, from heartache by helping her mother to share it. The second page of life. And so ten years my mother lived like a prisoner of his sarcastic remarks. But you know, any rain is over and the sun comes out. In our life there was one person who I could definitely be called Sunbeam. His name is Artem Nikolaevich, but he allowed to call him simply Artem. Great-hearted man who understands, sensitive, is just such needed my mom. Think life should improve. Artem also was an intelligent and noble. He took my mother to various shows, once took her to Moscow to visit the Grand Theatre, weekly trips to the cinema, in general, did everything to make it forget my past life. On this happy note, we turn the pages. Meet - the third page. Smallest and the most gloomy. Twelve years later came my real father and began to lay claim to the mother. Even spoke to me a strange thing: "Why do not you wait for me? Why not kept my loyalty all these years? ". Stop, stop. Have you left the army to wait for you? As always, drunk with self-serving smile. I looked at him with disgust. Dirty, not clean-shaven man in rumpled clothes. If his place was someone else I would have felt sorry, got clean clothes, but it I never regret. Of course, this is contrary to my rule for a second chance. Excuse me, but my heart turned to stone, and he was not to pity.
I stood beside him and could not believe his ears. How can he talk at all and look at it once did to her. My mom started yelling at him calling the rude words. The same is true, would make another woman in her place. His nerves gave way, and he swung and hit his mother on the cheek so hard that she fell. Slap was very loud and it was just an illusion of my mind. The next moment I ran up to him and tried to embed, but he hit me. In his eyes was the rage and cruelty. It seemed that they were bloodshot, again this is just my imagination. I bounced to the wall and hit his head. In the eyes of all dimmed and the outlines were indistinct. As often happens, my father's was at the wrong time and wrong place. As soon as he opened the door and saw what was happening, ran to my father. Heroes are killed first. Kick the knife out of the collection, which now lies on the balcony. Father hit in the chest and Artem struck a light. Blood poured from his mouth, he began to choke. Otharknul blood on the wall and slid to the floor. Hands shaking, he began to beat on the floor with his fist and tried to get up. Then all was quiet. His hands are now shrinking, it is no longer trying to get up. Did not even hear the heavy sighs. I grabbed the phone and started dialing 03, the mother sobbed, his father fled as the last coward. Again disappeared from vozlazhivsheysya its responsibility. Everything happened too close, not counting, of course, arrived. Doctors do not have time. And closed the third page of our life. And about the fourth I can only say one thing - we still write. *** Let us return to the first of September 2008. The day was good, even despite the fact that summer holidays are over, and we had to go back to school. Vacations shall be issued for the glory. Traveled almost the whole of Russia. Astrakhan, Vladivostok, St. Petersburg, Moscow - and this is not a complete list of cities that I had to visit. And the villages, I generally keep quiet. Onset of the school year, I partly glad because I'm tired of the whole day spend in the car. All because of this, the vestibular apparatus. Torture for a man with such a gift to be in the car 24 hours a day. Each tussock as a blow to the gut. But it was worth it, because I have relatives that it is necessary, but difficult to communicate with them, each needs its own approach. The most interesting person in our family - it's Aleksandr Vinnitsa. Even as a child I did not call him Sasha, and Alexander, because they respected him, probably the only one. He is a poet.
Many did not believe in it, does not believe in his talent, saying that it is not profitable work, but it all proved otherwise. Nothing to do with luck, it worked for wear, and now gets good money and live abroad. Alexander invited me to his wish to show their city, but still I could not get because of intense study. Most importantly, he proved that the main thing is not money but a dream. Write a book - it was his cherished dream, and now has become more profitable and a dream. Lessons calls, line - all this makes the boredom, but not this year. After all, this is the last year and then I'll enjoy every school day. Imagine that after 9 months will go the final stretch of the great length of time that is called school. We can say we are already at the finish line just a little bit and we will be free-flight birds. Maybe someone wants to spend another two years in a cage, but I probably uporhnu into adulthood. - You may think we are already in the ninth grade! Another year and we never meet again, smashed the world as fallen leaves! Promise that you'll remember me forever! - Robert said, addressing everyone at once. Robert - a mystery man. He is caring and funny, but less of it is that it means much the thoughts of others. The word freedom has lost meaning for him, it's very bad, but he chose this path. So it is easier to live, go with the flow and hope that fate will throw something new. And so to the type of Robert fits more than half the population. Helpless, dependent on what other people are unsure of themselves. Sorry, but this is so. They do not fix it, and Robert too, but I'm friends with him, because it has a lot of qualities inherent to a good man. - Damn, Robert, stop exaggerating! I will stay in this city, too, Steve. We will see at least every day, - said Alice. Young, beautiful, intelligent, but there are huge: but! Do not know how to dream, to characterize the possible word - material. Money and future dreams - no. Dreams can not touch - they are not typical. The most offensive that as a child she was the one more dreamer! Could have spent many hours sitting on the windowsill, and dream about everything, about eternal love, wings of life after death. In many cases, children are let down from heaven by their own parents. They talked with her, that she often flies in the clouds. Well done it landed, and dreams? Dreams were flying in the clouds for the other dreamers, who will not betray them. Alice suited to the type of many - is a smart girl, who ceased to dream, who have chosen the future rather than now. It's like going to your goals and ignore the path to it. Pity, because there are a lot of beautiful things. Indeed, sometimes the road gets to. - It's peculiar to him! This is Robert, what do you expect from it Alice? All the company laughed together and went to the ruler. You know, this statement by Robert about the end of the school knocked me to the end of one phase of life. Everything. In me now to fight two senses: it is the joy that I finally graduated from school, and the sadness that all this is over. We held here 9 years, and from us will have only memories.
We like the ashes of a campfire. But it is always concerned by the question: we were thus a fire or just the fact that remains of it? Many classes have already gathered, but as always late 9B. Come on Sept. 1 at the time - bad habits because it is likely that you will make to help the organization "holiday". *** A warm wind blew, it became so pleasant. He enveloped my body. I love those moments, like anything special, but after them in the soul so calmly and well. I looked around, hoping to find something beautiful, what can be watching for a long time. And I could not find it on the steps of the school. There were first-graders. They held a huge bouquet of flowers, which were almost more than themselves. Some of them were confident, while others were shaking and looking from side to side, like newly hatched chicks. They begin a new stage of life, and they have to go through so much. When my friends and I still got to the venue all the rulers have gathered. Black and white overalls schoolchildren, wherein only the cover fabric and shoes. Long thought with which I associate all this here school uniform - with the lines in the tables. When you paint, it is always a line that curves slightly thicker or the other, I want it immediately corrected so that it becomes like everything. Perhaps that is why the state or the management of schools want students alike. Take away our individuality.
But you know was that this gave people some sense of congestion of the holiday. Flowers distinctly different sizes and colors in the hands of schoolchildren. See this very nice when on a gray background colors of nature stand out. There is also a perfect world, only one is not aware of it. That's it - our class 9B. My classmates have changed little over the summer. Each in his own acquaintances welcomed him to the people. The girls began to hug each other and scream. They know how to pretend. Of course, I do not meddle in their showdowns, but each of them is such a person in the class, which they hate. Not long left for them to gossip behind their backs, and all year. We, the male population of the class, just shook hands, pure English greeting is considered good form. Conversations, laughter, the emotions - it is September 1, must speak after such a long break in our communication. I think one year we have a hundred times annoying each other, but still let him rejoice. Came up to us Our form and said that we will have a new apprentice. Cheers, of course, was not, she sees the work as a job, nothing more. As in some movie: It's just business baby, nothing personal. She was wearing a pink dress with some nasty tinge, like a dress Dolores Umbridge in the fifth part of Harry Potter. The characters are, incidentally, were also similar.
Long brown hair curled in locks and bangs to stab back. Because of the hair gel all stuck together and it seems that it is not washed their week four. Slippers on his feet and talking, "I married my dear, I'm 49 and I have two kids who tormented me every day of my stupid questions," or simply "AntiSeks. The image of her screams and the way too. Here is an excellent example where the label corresponds to the contents of the goods. Tink! I'm sorry, this item is not for sale, as the expiration date has passed. If you do not want to poison and poison our lives we will see. Its cool rukovoditelnitsu I hate the most. Zavistnitsa other than bitch and just a woman who does not know how to communicate with children. A dream that will never come true - is to see my first teacher, Nina Pavlovna, but unfortunately she died. Those who lost loved ones, realize it was me and my classmates as Grandma. Such understanding, has always delved into our problems, even in the family, spared no time for us. The most important thing for teachers, in my opinion, love and respect the students, and only then work will be a joy, and the relationship will be harmonious. January 17, I remember that terrible morning. I went to class, and then silence, like everything in the classroom, but at the same time they are not here. You know, as if dropped in the wax museum Madame Tussaud's, they look like people but not people. Thoughts flew away leaving the body rigid, pain that does not go away. The front row sat Denis, he stared at the wall and did not take eyes off her. Never seen him so distraught and sad, it is usually for life with a positive, but then ... I think every death changes people Dennis changed the death of his first mistress. He's so well spoken with her, and she held him in pets, although she knew that he had a such a bully. I did not know Nina Pavlovna, as one might love him? And then it dawned on me - she saw in him kindness, he hid behind his image of indifference. Dan went about two months and almost never talked, you know, as if he had lost his best friend. When I told that Nina Pavlovna died, not that that would be my thoughts flew away, they explode. Million questions overcame my head: "Why?" "When?" ... "ITS NO MORE?". Yes, it is no more. We have lost a loved one, our school-grandmother, in every sense of the word. I will remember it in my heart, because memory is not eternal, but the heart forever remember her, so beloved ... *** Meanwhile, our lovely, rasprekrasnye found the topic for discussion: "What a boy will come to our class?". - You know, I personally do not care who it is. In our team he no longer will join - it was my classmate Dan, the most vulnerable boy, who hides it well. Dennis, Dan, Dinyusechka as soon as this person did not call.
- What are you talking about? "- And it was his girlfriend Lisa. You know, they have strange relationships. They argue, swear, change, but love. Perfect. It's all emotion. If a person exhibits at least some emotions, whether negative or positive means that he already is thinking about you. Let it be screaming in his face that hates to leave but come back and furiously kissed. And any sense that means that you are not indifferent to her. Worse when you ignore and do not notice. As the saying goes: The worst pastime - it's with someone who you did not notice. 9B together talking while the director was telling boring speech about the education of youth. Does she not realize that no one interesting to listen to it? Or is it her job, annoying children. Although the woman is good, educated and understanding, but still a voice too loud, but it is still with the microphone. Play it to me did not want to, so I started looking at the neighboring classes. Painfully aware of, but classes are divided into small groups. Nothing, no words, actions - they do not notice each other. Botanists have the scientific world, the athletes - their own, the girls "Barbie" as their pathetic little world. I hate these labels, but otherwise we do not know who is who. - We must understand that education should always come first, and the relationships and entertainment on the secondary - I heard from the director's speech. Future, and tell me where to now? Why? Why all this? After all, man is different from a robot - the senses, and then, and now the robots are able to feel. Here's an example: the robot is programmed for a specific job, man, too, the robot did their job, suspend the activity, the person leave, the robot was broken - mend it, hospitals - there are treated (darn) people. We must therefore differ from robots, but if you take away the feelings and attitudes, then we can not be distinguished. Anna Dmitrievna (Our form) resulted in the girl and said that this is our new student, Mila. Strangely, everyone thought it would be a boy because we were told to "New student". Well, our teacher does not keep the Russian language and the rules of the endings of female and male it is not known. In the exterior of the girl I once knew a so-called "Vanilku. As I'm tired of this fashionable lately movement. They pretend to themselves and build of such aircraft, tender and sad. Attacked contact their statuses and quotes to create a bunch of groups of photos, which show parts of the body, London and New York. "She knew that it differs from the other girls that she did not ask, do not expect and did not even call ... She's too free and too strong to be weak. God bless these girls. I began to consider it from the top down and as soon as I expected, saw the vanilla theme. Shoes, which was painted the British flag. A distinctive feature of these girls, well, that she did not come to school with a T-shirt ÂŤI Love NYÂť.
Next went the solid vanilla: Golf with pink roses, a bracelet with a camera, bows and other cute knickknacks, or as they call them ÂŤCuteÂť. As with all vanilek her hair was collected in the beam. But when I looked at my face, something in me to start denying it vanilla. Usually look at the girls like some sad, but Mila was nothing in his eyes. There was no life, no fun, or some interest in what's happening. Mila looked at one point and looked away. Strange, usually in the new company did not feel comfortable, but she did not feel any discomfort. At least in appearance is not to say. It seems she was just not care what we think about it. But I made me want to look again at her eyes. What they are beautiful. Black pencil singled out the depth of her blue eyes. In them, no matter how banal sound, you can drown a calm harbor. Skin like marble, so white and lifeless. Tiny mole that attracts your attention. And I think it comes down to the lower right-cut lips. They do not have any lipstick does not shine for lips - nothing, and I like it. Natural and minimalist, no plaster on the face, false eyelashes and bright shades, oh God, how it looks beautiful. Natural beauty without artificial tanning, silicone breasts, and Botox injections. Is it really so hard to be myself. As it turns out, yes, a man easier to be someone else but not themselves. In whose game we play and why we do not know the rules? I caught myself thinking that I look at her, not looking up. Apparently I got so carried away considering its shape, that he totally forgot about time. Fearing that classmates noticed it, I hurried to turn away from her and to focus on something else. Seeing a little bit away from me my friend, I went to him and the corner of my eye looked at Mila. It is all in the same position stood and looked at one point, while I tarried a little, and then completely stopped. I once again drew attention to her eyes, now I have found in them something new. The depth of her pure blue eyes was much deeper. Eyelids, eyes like a statue, it is not running on the sides only blink at regular intervals. Suddenly, I was so curious about what she thinks now. A bit sad, a bit mysterious, a little one I was looking for. It was then that the other girls there. I wanted to know everything about her: why she dresses, why not nakrasili, while others have imposed on ourselves pounds of plaster, why does not familiar with anyone? Each vanilla girl has a story of love, there is a story about a guy who dumped her. Want to hear her story. (Why?) So I just to it will never go up because it's not interesting. I love watching the man for his gestures, and after that as he pronounces the word as to express their point of view. My passion - it's the psychology of people and their behavior. I found an old book: "How do you know the person. Comparison with the animals. " She left a small print run, because it was banned due to the comparison of people with animals. True colitis in the eyes of many and the book is not recognized by the competent.
An Indonesian scientist-psychologist wrote that to know a person's character help him examples of animals, of course, his patients, he is not saying. But here I am in a deadlock. I can not find an animal that would suit Mile, this is probably to be traced. Let it be my own guinea pig .... Yes, yes I know, I do on-pig, but I can not help myself, do not go against the drag. And as if protecting himself, and I repeat that I will learn from a psychologist, but such experience does not interfere. I was approached by my best friend Sam and asked: What is new victim of studying? I just shook my head, not looking up, looking at Mila. Seemingly without raisins because her eyes do not say anything, but it turns out, and zest. Sam, staring at me, then at Mila, it's annoying, so I turned to him with a pout. I could not get mad at him for a long time, because he is the best friend. He has an unusual and unusually good man. Perhaps he deserves a few words beautiful words. *** Our friendship began with the fact that we caught the corner of the school, when we smoked. It was Anna Dmitrievna, so we did not expect mercy. It seems to be even fun and excitement when she said: O Lord as you probably hard with these children. Easier to tell than it ended. First director of the pains for a long time about smoking, so to say we read the boring lecture. Talked about that, like us, a disgrace after school, because we like loafers are rumors that at our school are learning some hoodlums. She became even angrier when she saw that Sam built it faces behind his back. Then she did not comply with censorship and told us in plain language, in addition, invited parents and forced to stay after school for 4 weeks. She is so and so would make this sequence of actions, but Sam has helped us to survive this long boring conversation. Sam-rounder, who can now engage in, such as boxing, and one day want to embroider a cross. Learn something new it is always just a joy. Sam would never say: "I do not know how, most likely, he says," I never did, but everything happens for the first time. " These are usually called "shirt guy." Good and good friend. It is often compared with Jacob in Twilight. " This removes it from itself. Yes, he is like him in many ways, but Sam does not like it when it with someone compare. And sorry, maybe there would be Bell, for which he would "own the sun." The most beautiful thing that he was terribly in love. In love with music. This passion was born there in his childhood, when he bought a toy drum, and even after many years of passion for music is not cool. Just a small children's drums were replaced by a professional drum kit.
Sam himself wrote the words to songs, they're wonderful. Many times I reread them. Puts his heart and soul into the music and that's why she's so soulful and emotional. I believe that he would soon become famous and become a real star. In many of the girls fall in love with Sam. Previously, I was wondering how he manages to please as many girls at once? Now I realize that it is always the case itself. One can not ignore the fact that Sam is beautiful. Already three years every day he walks into the gym and keeps himself in shape. On the beach he is the king, and again the girls crazy about him. One time I was very jealous of him about his body, himself something I lean like a match. Unable to stand, I killed him with questions: Why do you need all these gyms? Are you so severely lacking female attention? He understood, but did not start angry that I put it in a bad light. He just said to me: - Lack of female attention is not being, simply, these girls love the eyes. I'm afraid that love precisely in such a way at least I can get it. But God, I hope that it will not be as frivolous. And only after these words, I realized what a fool I am. Put his stupid pitching, how I want to take back his words. But as the Russian proverb says: A word not a sparrow, fly, will not catch. And is my friend, my best friend Sam is afraid of love, like many in this world. In seventh grade was a story, our classmate (now former) fell in love with Sam. So strongly and so earnestly, as usual in books. Romeo and Juliet were not so much in love as it is, just his smile. Sophia kept it a secret, no one then could not think that she fell in love with Sam. Nobody knew how long she loved him. Her closest friend once spoke to us after her death. Then she said it was most excellent and pure love that she had ever seen. Seven years since first grade, Sofia every day saw Sam. Seven years of dreams, seven years of sleepless nights, seven years of sadness and mutual love. But her friend said that she was quite happy with this life. As Sophia told her to her: "I should have a look at it just a second that would understand what I fucking love. And let everyone think that this is only temporary, that my feelings for him would soon pass, that I soon forget it, I do not care I love him, though not on that. I knew what love was already in first grade. And though my heart hurts, but I still believe that love is beautiful. " But there was a phrase that has left the imprint forever in my heart: "You know, I'm not cold. He can warm me, although it is not even close. Indeed, the mere thought of it makes my heart warm. " Nonreciprocal love ennobles man, so I respected Sofia. She deserves more, but love is too cruel to her cost. Sam did not know, and this can not punish him, while he met with another, and not even know about the strong feelings of the girl who sat behind him for seven years. All life, like a prison, though Sofia prisoner. It is understood, but one day it released. For the first time in seven years in prison, she felt freedom.
Basta "Vera", the same story. Sophia broke down and tried to take off, but people do not fly. Then she became free, the rope attachment launch and it flew off the road of love. It is no more, but Sam remained her last note, where she finally expressed her love for him. Your love has given birth to the poet in me. I love ... Can you love a person stronger What I love you every cell in his might, As I look at you, my heart just shy, After all, no one to love you can not. Gently I will keep in the heart of each of your eyes On the lock to lock, like an expensive treasure Love your smile like a diamond And try to never break. It's a miracle if I see you again It's a miracle, because my love - granted again. It's a miracle - because there is no such love, And I am ready to fight for it, you're in the chest. You're stuck there for a long time and pain, A strong sense of agony and the day does not pass, But I get pleasure from the nectar of love Because it is made from sorrow and dreams. I'm used to this pain, She is so sweet I think you share with me this meal At least two swallows. We have a drink with you two glasses of love Let it be a poison, but we'll be alone again Leave us alone on the hill near the bench And we spend eternity lying under the cover of the earth.
Poem written by her, and now causes pain to Sam, but the memory of an unhappy love affair, he kept it. My friend understands that this is partly his fault and he punished himself for not having seen her, that has not stopped. *** I shook my head, as if throwing off the memories, and threw his cigarette down. He flew quietly, not hitting is not about that, and in darkness. Cool lonely. This is the night. I have not seen it, but well heard rustling leaves, as someone ran down, the next window, softly played music. After standing for a few more minutes on the balcony, I walked into the room and felt the warmth envelops me. I lay in bed and immediately fell asleep.
Chapter 2 Beautiful morning
Morning. The room is flooded with warm light. Reflections play on the walls, like sunbeams. They are like salvation after yesterday's rainy evening. When I went to sleep, thunder broke out in earnest. At first, I trembled after each hit, but then got used to safely and continued his dream. It is night was not pleasant. Nice to stretch without getting up from bed and closing his eyes just lie about ten minutes. Gentle heat envelops the entire body. Feel relaxed and exhausted. And realizing that nowhere in the morning should not hurry yourself in nirvana. There are few moments when really, it seems that all is well. Key word "think." I went to the balcony and was fascinated by the beauty of nature. Wet roads, in some places still have puddles after yesterday's rain. A bit depressing, but it did not affect the life of nature in general. Summer is all the same, and such details as the rain did not interfere with fun. Everything was flying around, circled, in a word lived. Butterflies swirling around me. Their flight is comparable to a beautiful dance. How would today like to sit a little longer and see how high the birds fly as smoothly sailing clouds, the sun shines on the leaves of birch trees, as reflected in yesterday's puddles, but for today I have, unfortunately, there are plans.
Tonight let's go with Sam to the wedding to second cousin aunt of his mother. In general, the seventh drop in the pudding, and they do not communicate properly. I think I'll be there quite superfluous, and Sam feels himself "not a subject". So why Sam's mom goes there and calls us to bring? It is a duty or obligation, why go where you do not want? Relationships strange thing, but family still where the country (or can be more complicated?). All attempts to abandon the campaign with them for a wedding culminated in failure. How sad not to report, but will have to dig out a tie and go to the wedding of "close relatives". Who am I to do their relatives, but since Sam asked, I can not give up, he just goes crazy without me. Nice to feel that after so many years we were able to carry their friendship. Fire, water and copper pipes. Sam is the only classmate with whom I talk now. Although many also did not communicate with his classmates after school, but we do not have anything in common. We even treat each other's meters, to avoid having to say banal "Hi." Ninth grade, not only did not meet my expectations, but also became the worst year of my life. Much has happened is wrong with this hated my year: I almost lost a friend, a girl, I almost lost everything I had. Ninth grade was checking my nerves, and they survived, but very untidy. But there were a couple of beautiful and warm moments that have become as a balm for the soul. I closed my eyes and plunged into the memories ...
Chapter 3 Unfulfilled promise
October 26, 2008.
For nearly two months as we learn, we rejoice and secretly substitute our mistress. Nobody thought to be classmates so hard, constant monitoring, constant stories of teachers on how hard to take CSE traditional retake will not. Survive ... Awful feel after trial testing, which lasts for four hours. After that, sore hands, and the fifth point, the body and brain like a spoil, and most importantly, that the mind is almost nothing makes sense. *** Milan, Milan. It is unusual, I could not understand it, because absolutely no contact with her. Even though all my guesses were not weighty arguments, I still think I knew her pretty well.
Why does she live? Pretty, pretty, smart, funny, mysterious, but where is the fire in his eyes? I have not once seen that in her eyes was lit a fire. Maybe she just hides it? Too good. Sam said she was a robot, she lives for a single function, and when reached, then die. I did not believe him, because people living entity and it always may be interested in something else. Maybe its purpose - death? (No, no, the unit live for this). One in a million that it wants to die, it's as probability theory, why a girl who has everything, wants to die? Well, I do not exactly know this, and will not make a preliminary decision. *** Time: 14.25 - algebra lesson was coming to an end. This is the seventh and last lesson! Joy overwhelms children to kroev, everyone wants to hurry to hear this long-awaited call. Nervous glances at the clock the entire class derive from our teacher himself. And she, in turn, wants to avenge us. Looks back in search of victims, which she will bring to show their power. Knowing that a teacher leaves after classes are not the smartest I calmly sprawled on his desk and looked around. Here's Lisa with Dennis again something to find out the last game, as they call it a "love nest". The latest batch of the third row most distant place from the teacher. I myself would like to sit. Sitting there doing nothing, and most importantly the teacher's eyes do not get into the field of view. To my right, Steve sits and chats with Alice. Here's who should be afraid of, not to stay after school. And I'm not about Alice. Steve was one of those to whom much falls from your hands. He says, and scolded his neighbors. I'm on the last batch of the second row. This place is easy to see from the teacher's desk. But apparently I'm so tired of her, she just decided to ignore my idleness. Me on the arm. The board is Mila and does not understand the equation, it helps nobody. Learn from mistakes, but tomorrow she will know these equations by heart. - Maybe it'll help her with the solution of this equation, if you're not hard? - She turned to me. Do you think this question, no, this is a polite command. What do have to obey. But there is one plus, so I can get closer to the object of my observation. I was asked to help with the solution of the Mile, but I'm only a couple of seconds, looked at the clock, and the teacher has found a reason to keep me after school. If you look at the lesson on the clock - it means you are not interested, and you want to quickly get away with this lesson. That's not respect. What kind of sensitive. End of the lesson, and it is exactly three minutes I spent with mixed feelings of grief and joy.
The end of the school day. School â„– 3 quickly emptied. October 26 was no different from other cloudy autumn day. Is no different and this day, moreover, that will later go home.
But in my mind immediately came out a beautiful picture. I go by the way that I always go to school. On both sides of street lamps. Autumn begins to get dark early, and at three o'clock already include all the street lights. 14.40. We were left alone with Mila. Teacher somewhere has gone about the rest I just keep quiet. - And so Madame Mila, you do not understand in these equations? - I do not even know how to talk to her, but he began to speak like a gentleman, many of our girls are like this. Chivalry is always in fashion as my grandfather. - Oh, do not so much adulation. In Russia we do not say "Madam" is probably in England. I just can call Mila - the first time I heard her voice so close. Expectations were not fulfilled, for some reason I thought she would feel embarrassed, and his voice so sure. Well, that's all, all my guesses were destroyed as a house of cards. - So do not "Madame?" - No, - she replied sharply. - Why "Just Mila? - Grand title of Lords, Kings, queens and princesses, but I have not yet achieved this. - So far? Want to become a princess - the second sentence I said with a grin. - No, ... their lives - it's balls, meetings and various events. Camera flash, fixed views, and interviews. They are in plain sight and easy to notice their shortcomings - it hides his weaknesses? Or afraid to make a mistake, she went on - These high interest, but not like this, I feel ... - Discomfort? - Yes ... discomfort - she looked at me so strangely, as if she worried about something other than mathematics. I saw in her eyes reflected, and know not all eyes can see their reflection. Why am I so concerned about what is happening now? Maybe because it's the only girl that I was interested for a moment? No, this can not be. I do not fall in and my heart listens to me. Although, you never know at what point are you in love. There is no point, I'm not in love with her. She is too mundane to feel attraction to her. - Discomfort ... - I repeated again, and my heart felt it. I wanted to end this awkward moment. - So back to the equation? - No, - she said only one word, and I was in a stupor. I had no words, but obviously at Mila, cumulatively. - I know very well. Know how to solve these equations, how to extract the root to solve the problem. In the last school I was five for algebra, but you still in school and the program delayed. - So, why do not solve them in the classroom? - This is weird, I do not even know what she had. - Yes, I just want to ask ...
- The question is, - she spoke little suggestions, like was enjoying my stress. - Ask - well, what else I could say to her. Well, I can say one thing: the tension grew. - Thank you. Why me? - This question I finished it off. What's going on here. Interior monologue went into the inner cry. - Meaning? I do not understand. Maybe you say, what you need? - What is it? Can psychology help? - Where she learned ... Sam! Here he is a moron, passed me. - Who told you that, Sam? - Such a relief that I figured out all over, but no such luck. - Ah, yet Sam? None. He told me he said nothing. Guessed herself. And do you really did not foresee? - No. - Oh, no? Strange. I must have you called "Mila, the object for observation â„–Âť. By the way, what I am on the list? - It does not matter. Are you angry? - I do not think she is prosechet and realized how it must have hurt when you just use. If it is not just that it will fall on my heart, because I'm crap. - It does not matter? Hmm. ... And here it is important to me. After all, I just used it. And as I tell you? Knew my character, my goal, my dream job? - Yes, but not the goal. - Goal, goal. You must have this interesting? - You can not say. - Come on. You probably already know everything about me. My goal is - you. I have long realized that you issleduesh me, almost from day one. Constant looks, well, that was not sitting behind me with a pen and notepad and wrote down my cue. And before that I had a purpose - to go to heaven. But that's not docked turned out. If I kill myself, then go to hell, and nobody wants to kill me and get down. In the school I was a happy dreamer. All lessons are long dreamed of flying in the clouds was building castles in the air and loved. I loved him with all my heart, to the extent possible, we've been dreaming about the future lay on the roof and looking at the stars. He dedicated poems to me, and I all piled in a box in the shape of the heart. The whole box was filled, the lid is completely closed. He wrote to spray paint messages on the pavement, doing impossible things. Every second, turned into the happiest moment of my damn life. This is love. Love without hypocrisy. What is love? Do not you know it when you can not live an hour without it, it's when you almost vomit because of the fact that it is not a day when your heart jumps out of his chest, when the thoughts on the exam is not about accountability. We were a couple, a pair of lovers freaks, but then he lost his fortune. He told me so himself - she began to cry, but went on - said: "I'm sorry lovely, but I think I was going to die, happiness left me and cheated on me with the freedom of others. She is such a whore. " You know how hard to love someone is not there. You do not want to live, but you hold yourself in their hands, not to hang on. - Is he dead?
- Partially. But he is no more ... next to me. He's gone from my life, gone, not to return. I did never see, it does not mean that as a living person, but as of old. Lives in this city, studying at the old school, goes to the same stores and listens to the same music, but it is not the same. Not mine, someone else's. ... Out by simply saying that he wants to start a new life, and this should cease to communicate with all your friends. - Maybe I can do anything to help? - My goal is already accomplished. Turning to the last goal - a paradise. Of course, if you kill me, it will be considered as aid. - Do you like a robot, so says Sam. I'll help you, but does not kill you. I'll give you happiness, because it was gone. And all that is lost may return. - Do not be retrieved. Too late. - No. She looked at me with such a grateful look. Finally, in her eyes that something appeared. A small ray of hope. Now her eyes are even prettier. But then I realized that I might not be able to teach her to love life. It's hard. It seems I made a promise that will not be able to perform.
Chapter 4 Internet - as a place of search.
Closed the balcony door, I went in his room. Bare feet stepped on the cold linoleum, and bouncing on toes, he ran into the bathroom. Brushing teeth and taking the rest of the morning of procedure, I went into the hall, leaving a hike in the kitchen before dinner. Apparently my body is totally not used to have breakfast. To tell everyone at school, when no time to eat breakfast, and breakfast is postponed by 12 hours. Passing in the hallway, I looked at myself in the mirror. Not so I do not see myself as beautiful in their own thoughts. Low self-esteem makes itself felt. But this can be corrected. Special courses, psychologists, and I'll be almost normal. Suddenly I saw a reflection of your computer. My old friend, how much I spent hours climbing over all sites: "Vkontakte", "Facebook", "Beon". Chats, blogs, live journals - my virtual world. But it's not real, I spent three years talking to people who never see, that at the meeting did not even say hello.
Smiles, kisses - virtual emotions that can not be transferred, which can not be felt. Avatars, designs, graffiti on the walls - is it really possible to fall in love with it all? Skype, ICQ, - communicating online, beautiful statuses. Role, network games - everyone feels like a king, the higher the status, so it is cooler. As if something changes, if you have a name written, golden color. Zadrotov generation - do we all want? I dragged into all this more and more, online almost swallowed me, but I saved Sam. Showed that there are real world. Beyond the walls of the monitor screen, the real world that exists without electricity, the real world, where you can express their emotions are much brighter than a standard set of 78 smiles. Get out of the internet nightmare, it was much harder than I thought. Went on for five minutes to check the mail, and he would sit for about two hours. It is a disease. But now everything has changed, and I can sit quietly to check the mail. Little fear, of course, there is, but I hope for the best. My Computer-old man began to publish a weary sound and picture on the monitor to light Windows. Now we have a long wait, when he still display the greeting. While waiting, I remembered the time of their school life. In ninth grade, we were all covered by the Internet's disease. All our 9V ponadelal diaries in one large site, but a couple of months abandoned. And I do not. I'm writing back recordings, they sometimes silly, sometimes wafted philosophy. There is a certain circle of people who comment on my entries, this list is called "Friends." In the quotes of course. There are people who I think I was even able to make friends in real life. Still, you never know who's there on that side of the screen. Yet online friends to be online friends all over the place. So, what can we do new? Came three letters of "Princess BlUmChik. Text everywhere the same: I can not live without you. And on top of a verse that has many years of walking on the internet, and anyone who felt like it sent. This is not love and that I understand perfectly. She just saw my picture, not the best quality. Nonsense, I'm 17 and she was 11 years old. This difference in age, although this is not the main thing. I had a friend who loved her for adult-aged man. She was 15 years old, and she fell in the 39 year old actor. It is strange to write "love" as called love even the language is not rotated. Johnny Knoxville is strongly influenced her fate. I do not know what place she was thinking when they decide on who should she go crazy. Lawless Heart, but it will not listen. Johnny lives far away and will never be with her, he has a wife and children, but she did not want to hear anything about it. My girlfriend just said, we will be together. I remember one little dialogue after another pinned on it:
- I know I have a wife and children know that he has these groupies million, just ask - shut up and do not interfere with my great happiness. - So it you do not even know what great happiness here? - Love - great happiness and I'm glad that it belongs to me, though himself the keeper of my heart is not with me. Now beside her no, she, too, vanished after the ninth grade. We talked, of course, is nonsense, crazy story that was invented by someone that she went home Johnny. One percent of a million that this "love" turned into a real one. It just can not be. Leave everything that you have a hometown to go for those who lead you, without knowing it. As if some game blindly. Love is blind game - it sounds beautiful. It in fact there are losers and winners, there are certainly a draw. Is a poor and naive girl hopes that her fate would help. I was confused by this word - fate. Time fate rules the world - that everything is possible. No need to keep statistics, calculating percentages, probability theory is also not needed. Destiny, fate decides everything, but it usually chooses not to that place and the wrong people. Somehow this story with the princess Blumchik not been out of my head. Her profile says that her 11 years, and what love she hardly knows. But you know, it pushed for a very interesting idea. What does it mean: I can not live without you. Life - a set of processes in vivo employees keeping him alive is a manifestation of life. This is a scientific term in biology, which I somehow jagged on the lesson at 7 class. But that is life indeed, if you withdraw from the different terminologies and calculations, but simply to surrender to his feelings. Life - a collection of various acts committed under the influence of feelings and emotions, with the majority of which you have to respond. Or as my favorite character of the movie, Homer Simpson: Life - a bunch of garbage all that is happening to us. "We'll see who today called on me." Babochka1998, Elizabeth, Belle, Catwoman ... Seen from the next name I like electric shock. I felt every part of the electric charge passing through my body. Such a strong shock, I have not experienced, it seemed that now the heart jump out of the body. It can not be, but to my home page looked Mila. And most recently, a couple of days ago. Yes, she is also registered on this site, but ignored the others from our class. My God, I can not believe it. Why now? And if I had not gone? Then I'd never met ... it is not. I asked myself a lot of issues that either did not know the answer or do not want to answer. But the frightening reality is that I still love her. I do not know why I was afraid of that feeling to it, but I was always afraid to love her. Immediately, without a rescue jump into the maelstrom of love plunging deeper and deeper. And when I realized that this attachment became very painful.
And not otherwise, I very much liked her, and she really could break my heart. A broken heart I'm afraid a lot longer than a broken head.
Chapter 5. This is my life.
September 1, 2008.
Nervous and one might even say an aggressive situation. Mother and daughter about fifteen years old sitting on the kitchen and talk. Usually my mother because I did not dare to passivity daughter, but now she can not understand why the girls hands were released. Girl as a mere flesh and bones, no soul - is adrift. The most annoying that she did not tell her, holding a large distance from those close to her. Her defense does not break. The air is saturated with disbelief and anger. It was difficult to even be in this little room. Mila was defined by a single question: "why her mother was so lacking?". Eternal forces to help younger sister Olga, who seemed to have chosen a goal in life - to get Mila. All infuriates - this is the greatest depression, in which Mila emptied my entire life. How to get out of it nobody will tell, and she did not ask. On the other hand she really likes this state when I want to scream from the pain of loneliness. The girl did not want to be lonely, but she did everything for this. What is depression? Condition where even the most favorite activities is a burden, when the most loved people turn into a gray mass. And most importantly, when to delete the folder to your favorite music, but instead load depressivemelancholic music, like some emo rock, on which is worse, but you keep listening to it. Mila remembered about his father. Previously, when I was a dad, mom do not get tired of it and now he's in Italy and came this way. The trip was delayed for much, much longer than expected to their family. For the third year ... long three years, but it is only 1095 days, 26280 hours, 1576800 minutes, 94608000 seconds long seconds without a father. The girl loves him greatly as he was a drop of the sun in this gray world. Always open for her crazy ideas. The world's best father, as for most children.
Family Lisitsin misses the family, but it seems it is already tired of all the procedures. Long loneliness can not stand all the way and checked true feelings. Parents began to move away from each other with rapid speed, as, perhaps, and her daughter. They have their own life, and his father own. Approximately one and a half years ago understood this all, even a little Olga, they were alien. Letters have become shorter, less calls, less emotion. Started the constant jealousy, and all because of this jersey. Mom seen enough on MTV this program and drove it into her head that there all these, and my father is and does, that going out with young girls. Stupidity, but it did not convince it. The man starts to think so when he was not sure myself and the most that bogey Mila in this "people jealous when he gives a reason for that." The girl wrinkled face. Let all understand ourselves. - Mila, what is it happening? - Asked my mother Mila, sitting at the dining table. She could not hold back and could barely control myself not to raise his voice. - Nothing - Mila said after some thought. She did not understand what was happening to her. - You're lying again, maybe just once tell me the truth? Do you have problems? What did you eat, you had a quarrel with her friends (with whom? She has in fact no girlfriends) tell me I'll help you. - Nothing to me is not happening. Why all these questions, Mom? I'm late on September 1. Do not really want to be late on the first day of school at a new school. Mila went to the kitchen, where you just had a quarrel with his mother. Again. To cool off and calm down she went into her room. On the door was hung a banner reading warnings «Warning». Mila's heart is broken and so she has long learned to be cold-blooded, and then decided to pick up the modern fashion, "Vanilla Sky". It was mysterious and lonely forever with depressive status. Mila decided to live by quotes. Tired of being someone special, I want to become "one of ..." Trying to suppress their real emotions, she herself did not become more themselves, and because of this, her inner world was collapsing, but still it was the rescue - it is a wall opposite the bed. On it were pasted pictures of her friends (with whom she broke off all contacts) and friends (whom she hates), favorite labels, which she collected all his life, school pictures, which always made her laugh. As if two parallel worlds, on the opposite side of the glued various magazine clippings, photos, London, Paris and New York. Posters of "favorite" groups such as: The Doors, fruit yogurt and Dom! No. The dream of the perfect guy and a prince on a horse vanished, and now she wanted to see beside him selfish and arrogant guy dressed in D & G. «Sex in the city» - was a guidebook to the glamorous and pretentious world of New York, in which she wants to go after high school. It is not.
Mila asked to buy a bookcase in her room to put back all of its magazines, books, jewelry and other such niceties. From the school curriculum does not read not one book, but for having read about 30 books of French and Russian classics. In one corner stands an expensive camera that my father sent from Italy. "For professional photography" - only had time to read as Mila realized that Dad guessed with a gift for her birthday. Now Mila photographs themselves and the surrounding beauty. Also on the shelf lay a little pink box, which she kept poems and valentines. And on it chest locks, which lay her personal diary with binding. Mila feared that parents can read it and so thought out every week new passwords for the lock. Diary is something special. Sometimes it helps to solve problems and answer questions, because when you read my notes, it is possible to look from another angle on the problem, as if from a third party. Full of clothes from the ground up to the top of a huge closet. Two velvet-upholstered chairs and computer desk with a laptop Apple. In it with PhotoShop, it did its work and sent to the group. All written as cute and touching. Vanilla Dream. She would sit there all day, talking about his unrequited love. TV that Mila is almost never looked, stood in the corner. Already all dust, she did not remember the last time I included it. And why should she need it? Watch stupid not develop programs for musical programs or children's cartoons on Nickelodeon? At all time favorite place in the room remained the sill beside the bed. Sometimes she wakes up at night and listen, whether her mother was asleep, and then sit on it and be a dream, to look at the starry sky. From the window the day you can see beautiful scenery, of course, it's not the Alps or Lake Baikal, but the view was not bad. But the main thing is not landscape, but action. That will be a man, then run through a lonely dog, it will be cute couple. This was interesting to watch. You can sit for hours and not even notice it. It touches a pastime, to look at people when they're not trying to pretend and be someone else who is not. At night, in a quiet courtyard, where the windows are no longer fires burn, but people close to no, the man does not try to imagine yourself out of something. He's such a really Maybe Milo liked it because she knew that I, too, hiding their own.
Autumn, but still green park. Only the tops of the trees the leaves have already begun to change his appearance, similar to the hand, dragged closer to the sun, but were defeated and burned. Slowly, as if the ashes, the green color fly away, leaving a fiery colors of autumn. How many young people inspired by the autumn. I'm not talking about the poets of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, I'm talking about the talents of the 21 century. The art of the streets, they carry all of the dark rooms out to defend their work. Some argue that this is not a "real" creativity, then the answer to my question: What do you think this works?
You can not put labels on it, as on many others. After all, when a person creates something, it means he is already involved in creativity. And incompetently their occupation put above the others. On the ninth floor may well see the whole neighborhood, but it was not interested. Houses, houses, shops back home. Boredom. Homes like boxes of shoes, but the trick is that the colored boxes and bright, but at home and remained gray and monotonous. Want to shout to the whole world went to hell, but my mother in an adjoining room and hurt is not pokrichish. As a child, Mila wrote poetry, and almost all of them were written during the night. Night - this time of inspiration, time of reflection. One good man said: "At night, the only night I can not sleep. Not physically, but morally. I'm starting to think about what I do not think the day. " First poems were plain and simple, but then became more sensual. With age, Mila started to notice that the poem that she wrote as a child and now are very different. Not only because of technology and quality, but also because of the mood. Now her poems are sad, imbued with pain ... As we age, we no longer understand and grow. With thirteen (and maybe earlier) years, people begin to look around the catch and snag. How could easily ... this kid. If it were not for society Mila would like to remain forever a child. The mood at Mila's just spoiled, mom never knew what a struggle inside her daughter. She never knew she had survived. Never understood, but may simply not want to, maybe she just did not care? But you know how Mama would have no quarrel with Mila, they loved each other, respect. In the eyes of the child's mother is something pure and holy, something necessary ... forever. *** No, today it did not spoil my mood. I went through so much, she does not understand such a feeling as though she was never a teenager. Mila, stop being a child. " My God, how many times she heard those words. Or maybe she likes being a kid, suddenly she likes to enjoy life. Why do some people want to grow up, and others on the contrary, run from it? Maybe it's like in the book "Little Prince", when adults looked at the elephant in the boas, but have seen my hat? The fact that adults are simply not looking at things, although sometimes they just need to feel? But my mother Mila is wrong, it is no longer a child. When you lose a loved one, just forget about my childhood, no matter how good it is. She remembers it as if it was a couple of days ago, time has no meaning ...
July 12, 2007
Mile 14. Hot and sultry July evening. A walk in the park will not be superfluous. Besides, should cool down after a regular run-ins with her mother. She is probably on it already developed a immunity. Park in their town was beautiful: hundreds of trees scattered throughout the hundreds of flowers planted along the roads. The park also is a lake. Deep, beautiful and clean. Each couple in love necessarily had to walk here. There was a legend that if the lovers walk around the entire park, then they will love each other forever. Sorry, but Milan still has not found that second half. Although it does not interfere with one walk. Hanging out with friends in the park she loved, was a loner. Love solitude - it is an unusual and wonderful gift. Not everyone, he is given, and certainly not everyone loves solitude. Mila opened the book "Love - this is just a disease" and sat on a bench opposite the lake. Magnificent views, wonderful book - a wonderful pastime. This book she read for the third time. She likes a love story.
One addict was brought to a rehabilitation center "Sleeping Heart", and as it may sound trite, he fell in love with a nurse. A month has passed, a second, it's time to write it out. During these two months, they became good friends, she helped him come every morning and wake. The boy felt it necessary to someone, probably the first time in my life. The nurse showed the reality, drug-free, happy life in which he could take his place, and, of course, in her heart. She taught him to love life. On the day of discharge she was resting, and the hero of the book did not have time to learn from her personal contacts. He only knew that her name was Mary. Sadly, but on the territory of the "Forgotten heart would not let anyone outside, but due to the fact that there was treated for some sort of celebrity, then generally built uncoupling. There was only one way to get there - an overdose. It all comes down to one to one: either he gets to the hospital or die. The Hero was playing with fire. There are two options for the way: the right and not right, he made a mistake. The guy died, he could not save, no time. Mary came to his grave, but did not stay there long, she was disappointed and evil. He promised her that more in life is not to take drugs. It hurts ... Mila slammed the book and laid it beside him. Already beginning to get dark, the sun passed, the sky darkened. From the sun by the lake water went red carpet. Crossed the shade of trees in various fascinating designs. She decided to sit out a couple of minutes and go slowly home, when she was approached by the boy and said:
- Why is our life - this shit? - He looked confused and lost. His voice was hoarse, his eyes red and tears slid down her cheeks. The boy sat down beside her on the bench and buried his nose in his shoulder. In such a situation, they stayed fifteen minutes until he calmed down. While Milo has long been time to go home, she patiently waited until he calms down. She wanted to comfort him, pat on the back and just talk. Indeed, she and most were difficult times, and she understood perfectly. He raised his head and said: - Excuse me, me! Once all by itself turned out. You know, it's so painful to endure. I love her, so do not beat that kid that spun around her. It's over, if she loved and would do so. - I understand. Heart now beating wildly in my head a mess, but because of the large flow of thought unimaginable pain and dizziness. It seems that the whole world into a deep puddle, and you're trying to get out of it. - All right. My name is Ruslan way. Thank you very much. - I am Mila. Thank you for that? - What for? You saved me. Mila, you heard me and understood. Waited patiently until I calm down. That's a lot to me. Sometimes you just listen, and then people will choose the path. - Not at all. Love is always painful. Not everyone knows this, just love. The stronger the love, the more terrible will be your parting. - Exactly. You understand me perfectly. It's late, I went to take you home. Now the dark to walk alone.
Mila fell on the bed with my eyes closed, she enjoyed the memory. This bright and clean. It is inconceivable how quickly you can fall in love with a man at first sight. Look at the man, and something in it will remain in your memory, whether it be a smile or a glance, maybe even a gesture. You can not live a day, no matter what to look at him, watch his every move, because you're afraid that soon will not see him that soon he will go out of your life, leave you alone. Long-standing feelings are not as bad as love at first sight. Love - is when you spend a long time together and fall in love with him in his character, his actions, but love at first sight - it is when in love with the looks, the voice and you are drawn to him, but inside it may not be that outside. Miele has always found it interesting that people can feel if he knew that an entirely unfamiliar person he loves him with all my heart. How is to live knowing that someone vozhdeleet you every moment of his life. What can a man feel when he is told that on this planet, there is one lovestruck romantic who would do everything for him and try to turn every moment into a holiday? As people respond, when I noticed that somewhere in the far being watched loving eyes?
And finally, what can feel the man who learns that there is someone who will give you a life ... Mila wore ceremonial dress, nakrasili eyes and tied her hair in a bun. She was indifferent to how to treat it. Maybe a couple of years ago, Mila would be worried because of my classmates, will it be in the team, but now it bother her the least. Mother said: "Teenagers need to worry, because the new school - a new stage of life, new challenges and new friendships."
Sometimes, Mila has lost the meaning of life, joy, and then to help her come to the doctor, my mother's friend. Mr. Thoren she often said: "Life - is a mosaic. Gather in all - will find happiness, and meaning in life. You lived for fifteen years, only fifteen years! Puzzles in which nothing can be determined. Age is not important, what can be done in the first fifteen years? Yes, you can fall in love, break your heart and love again. But for the second fifteen years you can make incredible things. Love, get married, have children, to find happiness. That's why I want you to be brought together a mosaic of his career. And then, when the picture appear, you'll be able to understand the meaning of life. You know, Mila sometimes just have to go, because the road can also be a sense of life. " Milo liked Dr. Toren, he was totally understanding and not like a mom. With him she could talk freely and easily, and most importantly she knew that he did not tell her mom.
When Miles went to school, the line has already begun. She met a cool rukovoditelnitsa and led to a meeting with the new class. Mila noticed that cool rukovoditelnitsa showed no interest in anyone to her, though she was quite strange. Not that it greatly touched or irritated, just somehow it was strange for her, in their former school teachers were good. This proves once again that life is impermanent. In a large yard has gathered a huge number of people, far more than in the previous school. Nameplates classes alternated: "Class 8B", "Class 9A", "Class 9B", "Class 9B. They stopped near the boy was holding the plate. As understood in this class, she will spend three years of his academic life. New student - it is always silly and trivial questions, it sidelong glances, it's whispering, it's the way some students to show how cool they are. Self-expression through someone's weakness is not very strong and act, the inheritance of the weak. - Our new student, Mila. The whole 9B watched with amazement at the new student, and many girls with chagrin. Mila was in a small confusion because of the reaction of my classmates. - I'm Monique, and what's your name? (Mila immediately noticed that Monique is not different mind)
- Nice to meet you. Call me Mila. I am 15 years old. I went to 28 schools, has moved due to relocation to a new apartment - she said in one breath that she no longer had to answer stupid questions. And she was right, nobody else would ask her, but she could easily stand aside and look at her new classmates. At first glance, an ordinary class, which is no different from other similar conventional grades. There are athletes who are botanists, there is "no fish, no meat." In general, the usual cool kit with its stars and armpits. Mila skimmed look at the class, but very quickly so no one noticed. She did not want them to think as if it's interesting. Among those attending the gray mass, she noticed a man who, without taking his eyes and looked at her. Mile away from this was not himself, but she forced herself not to give this value, and continued to look stupid concert. She tried to seem quite interested in all that happens, but everything inside was burning, for some reason she wanted badly to scream, but no pain, but rather from the uncertainty that engulfed her. After five minutes it will power weakened, and she still looked at this mysterious guy, but he had already talked to someone else. Briefly, about three seconds, she tried to see him, but failed, because standing next to men blocked her view. She succeeded in something to consider: black hair and light skin just like her own. But something in him was still that she had missed and had no time to look at, but what? In Mila's had mixed feelings about this, on the one hand she liked his looks and it is flattering attention, but on the other hand she wanted to spend those three years, quietly without stepping on the same mistake twice. Someone has to learn from their mistakes, and someone is paying attention to the pain, but then a completely different case, as in her mixed up love stories. After all, as they say, how not to tread on rakes, you're still not brought forth the precise rules of love.
Chapter 6 Upcoming complexity of the weather
Though it started in the autumn, but the weather remained hot and sunny, but because this study did not want to. Summer does not want to give up positions and the fourth season of the year had to reduce its defense. In weather like this want to see the rain, rain with thunder and happened something unexpected and fast, because the heat all the people looked like boiled dumplings. Only at the very thought of rain to get well, just imagine how you running in the rain and their clothes were all wet and you seem happy ... (???) Mila presented as the rain she calmly walking along the road and comes with bare feet on grass. Presented, as she raises her head, and all her makeup washed off, leaving black traces of mascara. She would have been good in this world where eternal rain, with no visible tears, where there is only pain and awareness of its sweetest. It would be well felt in a world where all would be to spit on another state, where no one would ask me what happened, but simply to give time to cry. Gray world, not everyone would be able to live there, and after her a lot and do not have to, but she and her friend - a pain. But it is time yet to return to reality and realize that there is a world in which she could live - a reality. Here, as luck would wind is not blowing, the clouds seemed too have decided to make his exit, but the sun, on the contrary, he made him work days. It was too hot to stand in full uniform before the scorching sun, but what does it matter for teachers. They both have light summer dresses, which, in their opinion, too, are special occasions. And so all year round, they go to denim skirts and shirts, and we are in the same black and white guises. Without makeup, without big earrings, no bright nail and normal hair, even the soldiers conditions are better. Apparently the Ministry VERY worried for their future, so took time for us. Are we really the future? Our generation, who drinks and smokes, who live under the motto pofigizma, it is we the future? You'd forgive me, but I'd rather build a rocket and will fly to his gray, but beautiful planet.
Two long hours under the sun, two long hours in the slanting and interested glances new classmates. Milo the difficult rabotenka.
Chapter 7 Open lesson
Open lesson began at 10.00 Moscow time, when all the words of the director and head teachers were told, when all the concert numbers are shown when we see the teachers themselves become zharkovato.
How was it possible to force children to dance in this heat? Heavy, made of warm material suits were worn as if lifeless bodies. For all this they still jump and run to the delight of the directrix. It is a tradition on Sept. 1 to prepare a Russian folk dances, sing songs, carry a first-grader on the shoulder of high school students. Have you ever wondered why the tradition of not changing? The answer is simple people are afraid of change. The crowd heated, in the truest sense of the word, the disciples ran to the classes on the first lessons in this school year. Mila was in a class without any aspirations, as she wanted to turn the corner and ran down the other stairs. Open the door and ran out of school, dart away far away, where she was, no one knows where she did not know. Start a new life without the same mistakes. But, alas, it is not possible, though not perhaps we are simply afraid to take a step. Or maybe she just wants to escape from problems and memories? What is memory? Perhaps this is when I remember the moments remaining in his heart and turned over usual life. Maybe it was meeting with a special person you were looking for a lifetime. There are people who can not forget. They come into our lives suddenly change it, turn the ordinary world from the top down, and then leave. But after long and terrible years they are still loved us, they still weigh on us at night, and if love was in so much stronger - we find that clones of these people. Sorry, but we know that they do not replace them and then love becomes as artificial. They are called fatal because it is impossible not to forget a single detail, to remember all of the dimples to each of moles or freckles. Remember, even when the worst deeds have seen the proportion of good. Or you can call another and fatal? Everything that happens - it is fate. I believe in destiny, if that should happen, it happens, no matter how many people did not flee from it. The fact that the top was a foregone conclusion even before the birth of a person does not change.
9 class went through a long corridor painted in a weird shade of green, looking at him with sweet, awful humming stomach. Why paint the walls in that color, which can not even watch? Sensed the smell of paint from the railing, off the walls, the floor, but she liked the smell of paint, because sometimes on his awful headache, and sometimes it leads to the well-being, but then again the same headache. Right on the wall hung a plan for the evacuation of the school where the red cross was observed person's position at the moment. Right, right, left. Notice the little things is a good habit, because of the details and nuances depends on many things, such as in law. On the windows there were pots of well-tended plants. Quite different: cacti, aloe, myrtle, and many other plants whose names Mila did not know. Twisted branches, some climbed up, while others were hanging from the windowsill. Some plants bloom, while others wilted. This is all perfectly normal, something is blooming, something dies, a certain relationship that will never understand the man. It seems that this is not a school, a jungle, and maybe some piece of paradise to unwind from the school routine.
Against the wall two armchairs and a wooden table. Minimalism, only I do not know what. Or a design course, or the means to ensure the school. A huge poster, which depicts a fireplace, gave comfort in this dead corridor green. Sound click opens the lock. One-handed Anna Dmitrievna opened the door. Bright sunshine lit class. Species that represented, to us a window it would be hard to forget. Large trees near the building, stood like soldiers evenly and firmly. Leaves are green is beautiful, gleaming in the sun, like water. Blue sky and fleecy clouds as the last picture Levitan "Autumn". Mila visited many art galleries and pretty well versed in the art. Does not anyone notice this beauty? People ages looking for ideals, killed for it, but because you just have to look out the window. Look at the tree and noticed unusual patterns in the bark, smile sun, imagine that the clouds are moving figures. Try it and you'll be amazed the beauty of nature. When the ancient people did not have televisions, they looked at the stars. Interestingly dreaming or did not know how? Probably, still dreaming, but what? It is hardly a new game or console, can not be that their thoughts were occupied with something mundane. They are probably dreaming to get a star or as close as possible to approach them, and maybe they still dream about love? Were the same family, and they somehow choose their spouse. 100% in love, because I had no money and, therefore, was not false after all where the money is there and lie.
At this time, all seated at the tables. Mila sat on the desk-to-last with the girl, who apparently did not like. Somehow she looked angrily at her strangely because she only came what she deserved such a "friendly greeting". Parents of students sat on chairs along the wall, and the teacher pulled the most "charming" smile, began to conduct a demonstration lesson. The average time such a lesson about 70 minutes, the horror, she just goes crazy. Hello, class! - Anna said happily Dmitryevna. Yet, as a strong influence on classroom rukovoditelnitsu presence of parents, has changed beyond recognition - she continued - in our class passed the girl out of 28 schools. Welcome, Mila Lisicina! "Oh yeah how about it, just the same, I believe that they were happy to see me, because" The class clapped in unison. What a sickening sight. Clap, like robots, as soulless and helpless people. Even in ancient times, when men were handcuffed, when clothing was sewn of the same size and cover, they differed from each other. Would spit at them, but do not want my mother came to school and she screamed a woman who does not know her completely, and in general do not want to give them a reason to believe that it is worse than others. Let them think of me as a silly ideal that nobody needs. - Tell me, please, Mila something about yourself, such as what you do in your spare time, what are your favorite lessons. Our class is very friendly and nice here is clearly there for your friends.
Mila went to the blackboard and turned to the class. She faced a speech in front of a completely unfamiliar to her people. Nothing to fear because their parents are here, and they will not do anything wrong. Cowards and heartless creature, how can you depend heavily on their parents. I'd like to see how anyone of them will express their opinions, because then their spending sharply reduced. Damn momma's boy and my daughter. Mila then suddenly incomprehensible anger at everything around me. You know, the transition to a new school can be compared with new life. Nobody knows you, knows that you are for a person to their best. For them, you still remain an empty place, but to become someone must prove themselves. Some believe that we must apply ourselves well, all the nonsense you - VOID. They do not care who you were in the previous school, the main thing you're here, and you're in the minority. It is a cruel reality. In elementary school, move it a lot easier, because there was no such competition. What Mila said it was difficult to call the speech, she repeated, only that said Monique on the ruler. Was not in her post about yourself loud and beautiful words, fictional stories. It was not sad, was not fun. Every second passed in a new school a student would say the same thing. Perhaps this is due to the fact that she had nothing to tell, because she does not belong to any popular category among schoolchildren. No athlete, not a musician, not an excellent pupil, not even dvoechnitsa (which for some reason, the easiest and most prestigious). Silence seemed everyone was waiting to continue. But it will not ... With age, Mila started to notice one very interesting feature. When a person speaks slowly, pausing for a long time, stupid will always say that the speaker is dull, and educated say definitively that the speaker simply chooses his words. Milan is hoping that gathered here, educated people, it is hoped that at least someone and understand it. - Oh, our new girl so shy. Well, you get used to it, we love you. All difficult to go I hope you quickly get interesting, and she believed in it?
Mila was, until a teacher told me something, and count the days that she should spend in this class. 1095 days in three years. Of these, approximately 716, we learn, at all other times I can relax and forget them safely. - And when will the class hour? - All mentally thanked him for what he stopped unending General Discussion teacher. Said the boy, who was sitting in the back row, Mila immediately remembered him because he is staring at her when she stood on the line. She remembered him, though she saw only in part. Else she would not have known precisely, but it is. Mila is directly felt in it some flavor, but what? - We'll have to be patient, because this is Grade 9. At this stage of life much to take and think, - she said, how could a polite voice. And the man who for the first time I saw them, it is easy to understand that they dislike each other.
Though the exterior was not primechaema, and nothing special in it was not, he was attractive. Tall, thin guy with a memorable face. Stylish gray suit sat well on him. Sutures otglazheny, alpine white shirt, tie clip stabbed in gold. An intelligent person at first glance, if you do not look at her hair sticking out in different and slightly unbuttoned shirt. Perfect solitude - so nice to call him. Just not to fall in love with him too dangerous to prick, as he rose, and she spiked. A person like the rest of the body, which was not closed light-colored suit, which can be compared with the milkshakes. Sharp facial features a bit scary. Chin was clearly otcherchen like a sculpture that Mila had seen in the exhibition "The Art of Greece." Apollo, a distant and unattainable. The girl looked back at his delicious lips. Her lips were plump scarlet hue like rose petals. From the smile on his delicate skin there was a small dimple. Within seconds, she realized that she began to consider it carefully. The first batch, on which sat two girls, one of which was Monique, have already begun to whisper. Hastily removing the head, she glanced at the clock, but the corner of my eye kept glancing at him. He still stared at her, his eyes turned cold, as if he predator, and she was his victim. From this comparison, it felt a little uneasy, as if she got into the book Stafani Meyer's Twilight. There was not enough just to be called Edward Cullen and he had his Porsche. - Come Mila, sit at the desk. Now you will distribute textbooks, and you will be able to go home, but what I see, some are no longer tolerated. The class laughed in unison. Milla has made an effort to force a smile. Perhaps this is not such a bad class and I think, or want to represent yourself. Some friends here just because Mila heard they agreed to celebrate on September 1 and last year of school life. Difficult to fit into the team in grade 9, although she does not need to be. Just to survive ... When the books were handed out and distributed the packages you sent home. Big enough to carry heavy bags on the floor, groaning with pain in his hands, Mila still got to stop. Her plans did not travel by bus, but her plans also did not have two heavy bags of books. It seems that the package "Essen" is simply bursting at the seams, and she prayed that he survived and broke, putting her in an awkward position. By purchasing a ticket and sat down on a seat near the window Mila started to consider their own hands, which appeared calluses and cuts. Then she looked down on the handle of the package, which is curled up in a small strip on the severity of the content. On the package could be seen a drop of blood. It flowed, leaving behind a bloody color, and smeared the whole package. Mila tried to wipe away a drop but only touching the wounded arm, she felt pain. Deciding to leave your hands in the quarters, she pulled up a bag with his foot closer to him and the rest of the road sat looking at changing the street outside. The bus was traveling slowly, so the breeze Mile failed to pass.
The whole evening Mila thought about a boy who was sitting at the last desk. She tore herself questions that she could not answer (why he was so looking at me?). I can not believe that he fell in love with me, because he has in the classroom and the girls are much prettier. And most importantly Mila frightened of what she thought about him all day. Is it attached to this seemingly unattainable boy? Maybe things are worse than she thought? Maybe she fell in love with him? It's called love at first sight ... As if it is not known, it should get rid of this feeling, because he does not inspire confidence in her, especially with its terrible eyes ...
But at night he dreamed a Mile ...
Chapter 8 Wedding
I tore myself away from the computer, leaving the tab on the page Mila, turned it off. Much would have given to read her electronic diary, but Sam needs my help at the wedding. Of course, I realized that reading blogs is bad, but then, they are electronic, so that people know about you. It is not possible when I'm so close to what to write to her to get rid of the feeling that what is missing in my life to love life again - I can not do that. What are you all laughing at the top of me? What did I do? Sam said he will call me in half of the ninth. He was older than me by a couple of months, and he was eighteen years old. Now he had every right to travel by car. Take me to the beach, to the Institute and my other important matters so to speak. He always laughed at me and said that he can not wait for my age, he wants to be my friend, not a driver. Each machine is always good. Well, it's better that we have to endure - a wedding. More precisely, we are invited to a party and played a wedding day, only close relatives. Seventy people - only close. I have two options: first - they are very sociable people, and the second - they did not know the value of true friendship. Country house, nature, talking by the campfire - it sounds tempting, does not it? But it seems to me, not everything will be perfect, someone will get drunk, someone has a sore head, someone is afraid of mosquitoes. I'm not afraid of it all. Maybe sit down with Sam at the fire, Popo song with a guitar, finally, just relax.
It's a party and have fun, but because of Mila's something all the fun was gone, and was drawn to melancholy. Only twice in my life thought about her wedding. The first time I was at the wedding of my mother and stepfather, and the second time when much in love. If it did happen, and I'm getting married, then at my wedding would not be two hundred people, will not be bride will not be stupid plays. I'll get a dozen, really expensive to me. Let's go out of town on some clearing, prepare a few dishes, we have fun all night. Songs with a guitar, scary stories around the campfire, wild dance - wedding of my dreams. Or maybe I'm not even going to sign the registry office where all these foreplay and stamps in your passport?
At nine o'clock we went to Sam on the road toward the village, where a grand celebration was planned. I asked my driver increased speed, because at nine o'clock is not so cool, and you want a fast ride. After about half an hour we were stopped by DPS nickname and asked for documents. A few minutes later two adults (or nearly adult) man dressed in classic suits were justified, because of which exceeded the speed. I honestly do not understand why we had to go in the classic costume in nature. Then Sam explained that there are types of carnival and all guests must be at the parade. Photos decent sober people, for those who could not attend, but after eleven change clothes into street clothes and begin to walk, so walk. - Well traveled with the wind? "- Sam was beside himself with rage. After all, he had to get out and take an alcohol test, then again to justify a result of which exceeded the rate, then pay a fine of 500 rubles, and then hear the moral dangers of driving at high speed. - I studied in school, 9 years and listened to sermons teachers and I think I have in my life heard enough of all this. By the way with you 500 rubles scorcher. And why with me something? I could never go then you would have received nothing at all ... And what do you want friends?? - What would save them from intrusive relatives - "Sam said, and apparently after my arguments stopped being angry. Joy overwhelms me when I imagine that after sixty years we sit in a comfortable chair on the roof of the house, drink beer and remember what happened to us. But we will have shared memories. It is friendship.
When we arrived at the house party was in full swing. On ceremonial dress and hear not. Shorts, Tshirts, apparently were not too happy to go to the classics in nature. Wonderful smell kebabs, burning firewood in a bath filled me. Everywhere the tables with food, lanterns in the trees and a huge crowd of drunk people dancing. Fine. That is the wedding outdoors. At the gate we waited for Sam's mom. She was wearing a long summer dress. Yellow with sunflowers on the back. Summer flip-flops in the Roman style. In her loose, wavy hair was woven daisy. How beautiful
she looked like a goddess. Not any business lady, anareksichka, and just a beautiful woman. Young and fun who is able to enjoy every moment of his life. Which simply denotes no soul in his son. - Hello - she patted me on the cheek - so grown up and see that. You, too, it's time to get married. How's Mila? You like it no longer communicate after grade 9, but in vain so beautiful pair of you were. "How's Mila?" How do these three words can cause nausea. Mila, Mila her I had not seen for more than two years. Everything in me had changed. The sky became the earth, the earth has become heaven. People began to fade away from my eyes flowed tears. Tears of sorrow and fear, she could very well be acid. Fire, I felt pain, where as soon as she proceeded. The only buying a tear, but it has so much pain and love. No sound of tears, but if that tears of joy. My tear is dirty and black, perhaps there could be blood. Blood from the heart. Unnoticed, I turned everything into a joke that no one noticed, but Sam is my friend, so he understood. I defiantly turned back out there looking for Mila, and then easily said: Mila's not here! She laughed out loud and wanted something to ask, but Sam took everything under control. - Maybe, pass them my gift for the bride? And then I'll go up and congratulate. - Okay, so be it. Did you have fun boys. But you must come over and congratulate the mapping is not polite here so just come and have fun. When Sam's mother left the two of us, he put his hand on my shoulder and soothing voice asked: - How are you brother? - If I say that everything is normal, then you would not believe? - He shook his head - went to have fun, because the wedding is. Sam looked at the dancers in the wild dances of people and said: - Though I know them better than you, even though I spent more time with them, but you're still more expensive. My family, if you can call out, I see only on holidays or when they need something, and here you are. You my friend, the only person who supports me in grief, the man who will not give die from boredom. - Thank you Sam, but to have fun I do not want to. Sorry I ruined your holiday. - You're a fool! You know that I did not want to go here. Come on, tell me what happened to you, today you are not yourself. Many people think more than usual. Maybe you want to kill someone - so I can help! We sat by the fire on the log. Oddly there was no one (probably because everyone else is dancing).
Always loved the crackle of dry twigs in the fire. Produces a sound reminiscent of the crunch of a crust of bread. Sam gently pulled from the fire charring branches and instead put the new ones. Flames of fire flamed with renewed vigor and took on two feet up like in the movies with shamans. At the ground the flames were blood-orange, turning into bright colors at the top of the fire. Black ash coming from a fire
in different directions, he was carried up in a bizarre dance. From the fire came strong heat, probably because it is now the soul in need of warmth.
After a long silence, I said: - Today I went in his diary on the internet and saw that my page recently visited Mila. After what I have said all the words of Sam paled, although this is not possible, since his dark skin may turn pale. He nervously sighed and looked at the night sky. It seemed that he was hiding something, but most likely it's just my thought. - Where is she? - He asked warily, - yes even at your past relationships, what a strange ending turned out. - Yeah stranger does not happen. Just my story too sad. In general, it somehow stayed in my house, it was around May, after the ninth grade. I was coming with it a serious conversation. You remember, my mom said we're going forever to Vladivostok? - Yeah, I was just went crazy. - I'm told it's Mile, and it is not very calmly took it. She started to scream and tear down my room, called me the worst words and said that there was a second time on the same rake. Then she left, slamming the door. My heart was closed then too. I thought that she will call me but the call was not followed. Then I went with my mother to Vladivostok. There, I just could not find a place in my letter she did not return calls, too - it was just a terrible time. But as you remember, my mother wanted to return back to our little town, and I went with it. The first thing when I ran to her, but I was told that she moved. Only then you said it in another city and there with someone encountered. Later, many things happened, said she returned, she now lives in our city. I could not all these two years to find a means of communication with her. Vkontakte her no, she ICQ delete me and on all other pages, the number it does not exist ... So I lost it. Sam with great interest listened to the story in the eyes of his friend, trying not to miss not one detail: Because of the bitter taste in my mouth, my voice became hoarse. Heart beat with a furious speed, it seemed on the verge of it will break right in the body. Blood spattered the walls of the body and begin to eat away at bodies like acid. Then he gets to the lung, and will slowly prodelyvat there a hole until the choke. I shook my head, to banish these terrible thoughts. - You said that she came to your page, you wrote it already? - Not today ...
To us ran Sam's mother and dragged to dance. It did not take out and we had to dance to the hits of the 80th. On this day we rejoice in the glory. Sang, danced, drenched with water, but the heart keeps pounding at a furious pace. Approximately the beat my heart two years ago, when was the end of a quiet life in our class.
Chapter 9 The world is not
December 18, 2008
It is impossible to describe in words how happy I am because it happens once a quarter! Those who learn every day for six lessons will understand what is happiness to leave after the second lesson. That is the standard school miracle! Soon the end of the quarter! Ratings on display, concerts, held, gifts donated, cajole teachers. And that means the end of the quarter? Of course - the New Year holidays. Ah, the sweet taste of the Christmas holidays! Gifts, garlands and multicolored tinsel, the smell of tangerines and of course the mountain of empty bottles of champagne. New Year's Eve, a holiday that is the inspiration for the rest of the school year. The main part of the evening I spend with my mother, I drink tea with a cake and a winter salad, and when she goes to sleep, I'll go for a walk with Sam and Mila. Fill ourselves with champagne and go to the rink, we will fall and laugh! Knowing us, then more will be surprised by where we have so many bruises!
Day general cleaning, Saturday. Wardens are appointed every day, so we need plenty of time to remove all of them. Dirty window sills, terribly dusty window frames - this is not the whole list, with what we have to face. We have that great housekeeper? Suggested Anna Dmitrievna hire technicals, at least for the new year, and it is not, period. Do not be stuck here for so long. Of course, teachers do not have to get out in the classroom for all children who are here perebyvali. I am even afraid to touch the battery. It seems that there is someone shrimp or do I just think too much I dislike the whole attitude. Although, I think I complicate things, because it will get out of the girls. As is common in many schools, girls are removed, the boys bring and carry water. Our classmates would not give up just like that, but not much because not trample against the unwritten law crafted by our wise ancestors. The entire third floor is otdezhuril, and we were left alone. 9B at the disposal of the entire corridor. Anna Dmitrievna made a tactical error leaving us alone. Her case does not cover the destruction of schools, but not all, as a corridor for sure! But that we will later after cleaning up (though why clean the school before the explosion?), And while including music. Of the columns began to play the song: ÂŤEminem - not afraidÂť Several kids from our class shouted in unison: I'm not afraid .... I'm not afraid ... to take.
It was funny watching people who tried to sing a song in English and did not know the words. They were like a chorus of English alcoholics. I did not want to hear how they distort a song posh rapper, so we went with Sam to fetch water. Ran on the second floor with two buckets of water, we returned to class. There were only our classmates. (Do we have thrown, and we will help them one?). Columns played track: Eminem feat Lil Wayne - No love. Someone probably bought a new album and came to show how tough he is, why he did it. Dying to buy this CD. Once I decided to see the disc box, I heard that somewhere in the corridor, much yelling. We immediately ran out with Sam to see what was happening and saw a crowd of boys in our class. - Fuck off! - Sasha screamed when it came close to Dennis. This I immediately did not like much weight categories are too different. Sasha is roughly the same as I do, but Dan still the kachek, you can easily compare with Sam. - Are you expecting trouble. I told you not to talk to Lisa. She's my girl, and you kleish it when I'm not around. Do not even try otmazyvatsya. Bird that nachirikala it is very familiar to me, and you too. - Maybe your bird is lying? You're so confident in it? - Not less than you! After all, this bird is your best friend! - Vlad? - I watched the changing face of Sasha. First he shuddered with horror, then from a universal sadness. Know that the person whom you trust, and whom you could hope to, betrayed you very much. The last shift was most visible - a person with rage. His green eyes flashed outbreak of rage, eyebrows frowning in an aggressive arch, jaws locked together so tightly that his lips turned into a thin strip. One could easily see how to play the veins on his fists. The next moment he brought his hand over Alex's head and with all the force of the impact of the former best friend in the face. Strike turned out so strong that I heard the cracked bone on the bridge of the nose. From the class at the right time flies ÂŤNo loveÂť. Splattered blood. Vlad fell to the floor and hit his head. Probably a pain in Sasha was so strong betrayed by his friend that he did not stop and ran over and sat on the floor and started beating him in the face each time increasing the force of impact. Once hit, two stroke, three, he did not stop. Four forces become smaller, five seems Vlad lies unconscious. Six hand Vlada, which he hid from the blows fell on the floor. All something looks like a scene from the movie "Green Street Hooligans." Denis and other classmates were standing and laughing, some recorded not equal to a fight on the phone. They did not understand the consequences of their actions, or rather inaction. I stood there and could not take my eyes off this spectacle, to be honest, I was shocked at this. Legs did not obey, if zalilis lead. The brain does not react to incoming information. Brain on fire, he gave the command to run the body and help Vlad, and the body, as if not heard. Blood splattered on my shoes. With the effort looked on Vlad and looked down. On my white sneakers were a drop of blood. One drop flowed down, and I did not take his eyes off her. Cold sweat drip on my temple from that skimmed the body shivers. My head started spinning, thoughts clouded, it seemed
that now I fall to the floor. Who knew that I react poorly to the bleeding. While not happen, do not understand. Sam is not lost and threw Sasha to the wall, then began to shake Vlad trying to bring it into consciousness, but even. - Call an ambulance, quick - he commanded. Many at this point I realized what had happened, came to their senses. Smiles have not been, those were white, his eyes blank. Fear reigned over all. It is impossible to say exactly what they no longer feared death of a friend or criminal liability. Every thought of his. - God put me - flashed through my mind - Okay Sam, he will be able to stand up for themselves, as I am. I feel like that idiot from the movie "Big Stan". Sasha stood up, swaying, close to the body of Vlad, but in the tighter second he vomited. Not everyone can endure the sight of blood and bloodied each other and even more so. In his eyes was fear, his hands trembled, his legs buckled and he fell to his knees. From weakness, he lay down on the side facing the body of Vlad, he embraced his feet, repeating: "It's not me. I could not do so. He is my friend, not me. " Sasha could not admit that it made it that prevented his friendship, that sort of nonsense. He would forgive, forgive betrayal, if I knew what will happen. Once Alex has found the strength to get up and go to their live / dead friend. - Vlad forgive me, forgive me - he chatters, it was not clear. From his eyes flowed with tears. He wiped their bloody hands and messing face, and when he realized that the whole blood, the whispers turned to scream - Vlad, Vlad, you can not, I apologize. - You're not what he can not help - quietly, "said Sam. He did not scream at him, did not accuse, because he knew how he is bad. The noise in the corridor out our classmate, and saw lying in blood Vlad screamed hysterically voice. From him came no one was better. Someone broke down and cried: - Shut up already, stop yelling. Help Sam bring Vlad to life. She ran to him and the others began nervously to dial an ambulance. - Busy. - Do not take. - I can not get through. - Yes, hello, come soon have a man without a conscience. School number three, we'll try to drop it on the first floor ... Can not be yourself? Okay, then the third floor, 34 room, located on the left. "And if in their place we would have been with Sam" - flashed through my mind the most horrible thought, such as if I had killed Sam. At me so much rage swept over, I could not help it. Suddenly I realized that it was Denis's all my fault, it was he provoked a fight between two best friends. Finally, realizing what was happening, I ran up to him and punched him in the jaw that might.
As if in slow motion I saw how he flew out two front teeth. Blood and cry Dennis came across the corridor. He quickly recovered from a stroke and was waiting for me back. Then came the second revelation. I'm skinny pod want to do something this stupid rocking. He me three times fold. The blow fell on the solar plexus before he could stretch the muscle (which I do not), bent over in pain. The pain ran through my body (why it hurts), I looked at his hand, he was wearing two huge ring. Sam ran up to us to disengage, but it was too late, I hit him on the ear, tore the ear lobe, earring is heavily scratched my fingers. Another cry of Dennis and I heard behind began to run against his "Fellowship". And then the real battle began. Not a life and death. I, Sam and a couple of our friends against their Orava. Do not smooth the fight, but we stood and fought. Once I saw the movie "Green Street Hooligans" and the phrase protagonist velas in my memory "could not run. When there is a battle, we must stand and fight. " "You have to remember who I hate most of all, remember the people I hate" - tried to calm himself a replica of the movie. Adrenaline, a real pain. Not some video game does not compare to what I experienced while in the corridor. To us ran our classmates, and found the strength to separate us, but not all. Lisa, seeing as I beat Dennis, lashed out at me from behind. She bit my ear, breaking lobe, and she scratched my whole neck, leaving a deep red scratches. I dropped it from his back, and this second Dennis hit me in the face. I fell to the floor. My head spun all the white flash, muffled voices, Mila? - Wake up, wake up. This, I Mila, you know me? You hit hard, get up, we must go, - so beautiful. That's who I can fight all my life. For her sake, for the sake of her eyes, for her love ... A kick in the ribs brought me back to reality. I quickly got up and saw that no one is separate, all the fighting. Girls with girls, guys with guys. As if all decided at this moment to get even for all the wrongs. Screams, brutal bloodshed and tears. Sam hit doubly immediately, I ran to help him but I saw that Lisa Monique began straddle Mila. In her hand was already cut, but it implies dirty blood, apparently knocked her jar of flowers. I just shudder at the thought that she could do hurt. She seems so fragile, even for me. Life has set me a serious choice. Or my best friend, or girl of my dreams. From day to day life puts before us a choice. It may be insignificant, and sometimes before the grave, then what life would have to bear responsibility for it. Before me stood a very serious choice if I was torn in half. We are so deeply involved in their problems that have completely forgotten about the man who really need help. All splashed their grievances have not paid attention to the almost lifeless body of Vlad ... - STOP - I started crying - what you do? Everything stopped, and everyone woke up the conscience. They realized that they acted stupid and ugly. By this time the ambulance arrived and took Vlad. Monique as commander of class went with him.
We immediately went home. There was silence, each thinking about it in my head. What was going on in their brains, I do not know, but it forever, for it no one ever forgets. After all, we are almost the killer. There was a streak in communication, everyone thought that he really just not my fault. Thus began a rift in 9B.
Chapter 10 Implications
Fortunately, Vlad was still alive, but the condition was critical. He had a blood transfusion, the doctors said that he was born in diapers. The first three days he lay unconscious on the fourth day woke up and saw Sasha at her bedside. It was not a person sleepy, skinny, exhausted and worn out. He looked like a cast, which fed up to live, but who could not die again. In the eyes with tears. Sasha was afraid to hear the answer to his sentence. - Forgive me, Vlad - Sasha whispered softly, - I never in my life I will not allow this - its voice shivered, and the end of the sentence was warped. He wanted to repeat, but- No, - cut off Vlad - I never in my life you do not forgive. Do not make me call the guard here, just get away. Nothing left, he got up and left the chamber, then out of the hospital, and later in the life of Vlad and our entire class. He left us in the same year, and in the new year, he lived in another city. But you can not start a new life because the past will always haunt us. Same as you can not open a blank page to the person who wrote smearing pen. And Sasha bought just this, only red. Jan. 11, when everyone came back to school, I have not seen six people, including Dennis, Lisa, Monique, Sasha, and others. The class was no longer as before. The school rumors began to circulate, we have become an outcast, we passed it by. Some could not withstand the onslaught and transfer to another school. By year end we have left 17 people. Our life has become like a game of "Lost" and wanted to say: to reach the end not many. Not that we were beaten or humiliated, not just when our class walked down the corridor, looked at us with anger, or contempt. And this takes us out of ourselves. What right do these The kids have to judge us? They also were not there and they know nothing.
End a perfect evening
The wedding was a success for the wedding, we have great fun. Relatives of Sam's not such a bad thing, as he described to me. Aunt Regina even liked me. She can tell jokes about any topic. I just have stomach began to ache when she decided to tell a story that happened to her in France. Brilliant talent, it would be entertaining shows on television work. That something might look. - Discussions at the fire - we cried my mother Sam. We went to the fire to warm their hands and fry the sausages. I planted a sausage on a skewer and leaned closer to the fire. Alexander (the so-called Sam's mom) asked me. I have not noticed anything suspicious, if not its tone. Usually used to say when he should have said something serious, and start from far away. - And you told Sam that he was invited to a music school. - No, - I had a little try to get away a suspicious expression on his face. - Mom, I'll tell him everything - something not exactly true. Sam tensed, his eyes read by hopelessness. Why should I be tortured? - Sam I am your friend and understand what happened to this school? - I mean, it's school ... - he's a little slow, then looked at my mother, and continued - she in England. I'm going there for three years to study music professionally. You know that for me music. She is my everything. That's what he expressed hopelessness. He will go, can not refuse. Such a chance comes once in life, and I have no right to take away that chance from him. What am I doing in this gloomy world without my best friend who was with me in the most difficult moments in my life who supported me. The man sitting opposite me - Sam Venin, one of the dearest people in my life, and their entire Troy. I am he and she. - I'm happy, honestly, I'm glad, Sam, and for you - in my voice were absolutely no joy, but I was glad. Just do not get to utter cries of joy. - I know - two words, and I calmed down, he understood. Friends understand you better than yourself. - You know, I'm able to stay. Honestly. Wait until you come to yourself, because in your life again, she appeared. Difficult to survive such a separation. - It's okay, I'll cope with it. Once you write, e-mail I hope you will not forget. - It is unlikely that I will have time, I'll be so busy, Mr. Drummer Sam Venin! - He laughed. - Proudly sounds.
- I think I'll go - my mother said Sam, making sure that her son would not miss such opportunities because of problems other. But she has not considered the same, we are not just friends but best friends. Friends - it is always impossible to cool. When she walked away from us, and is outside the zone dosiganiya our conversation, Sam turned to me and asked quite seriously. - Why is it England? Three years to live with people whom you do not know. - You fool! England is your start and you go there, and if not, then I personally will set you on the flight. Do not worry, everything will be fine, I'll write a Miele and I will hope that it will respond to the message. I hope she still loves me. - But I can not even really speak English, because he remember that he always skip classes. - Tell me why you this English? You have a different language, where the place of words - notes. Who should he understand everything in your music. - Okay, deal with that. You know, I would advise you to forget it, but as I understand, you just miss it by ear. - Properly understood. Remainder of the evening we had dancing Sambo with his fiancee, smoking a cigar who brought one of the friends and singing karaoke with a crowd of drunk, but happy people.
Chapter 12 Quarrel
As quietly as possible, I opened the door into the hallway. Slow-I took shoes and put to the wall. My every movement seemed too noisy. The clock showed three in the morning, my mother was asleep in her bedroom. I hope she got up early and not waiting for me otherwise I will not avoid a quarrel in the morning. Looking around, I stood on tiptoe, trying on what not to stumble, he went into his room. All T-shirt was wet, because the wedding hosed with cold water. I threw the clothes on the floor like a rag and went into the room to turn on the computer. When I was near the table abruptly included light bulb blinded me. Terrible pain in his eyes has gone through a couple of seconds, and then I saw my mom. Flock to the wall in a blue gown, she kept his folded arms, it says that it is angry. Her whole appearance to talk about what she was waiting for me. I gulped nervously. Mom came closer to me and as soon as she began to speak, her face dropped a lock of hair. She tried to remove the lock, dunuv on it, but nothing happened. I was laughing so hard I broke down and laughed out loud. - Mom, you're just like a child - after these words she smiled sweetly.
- Hush, do not yell, I have a girlfriend and her husband had a fight, and I invited her to spend the night with us. I guess I drank too much alcohol, because I could not stop laughing. - Yes you have here bachelorette party! Maybe invite me? Or I do not fit in the age category - only when I said I understood that offended her. My mom's face changed at once, filled with sadness. Yes it was silly to point to its age, especially when she had so much experience. - This is totally ridiculous, but you're on the contrary is ridiculous. You absolutely do not think about the future, no girlfriend, you're still art sick for the girls from your class - it has affected most unpleasant topic for me. Anger at once upon me, and I was ready to destroy everything in its path. Damn my character. - Yes, I even had a love and I can get her back. And that was with you? a cast, and another ... - she interrupted me cry. - Shut up. How can you talk to your mother? Ever since she did not scream at me, never told to shut up. Apparently I was very upset with her. I know she will forgive me, I'm her child. Disgusted with myself when I do it hurts, because it is the dearest person to me. Mom - a man who gave new life, a man capable of for the sake of her child at all. - Sorry - the word is one damn word can not change anything. What does it offer? It would still be lying at night and think about my words. - Okay, and forgive me, I'm hot, - said my mother. I have never understood my mother's smile. Glad she or false, real or simulated, Mom well to hide their feelings. For many years she has learned to perfectly hide their emotions. - Go to sleep my son - she kissed me on the forehead and turned off the light. Thwart it did not want to, so I went in his room. The answer to the question I was searching for two years, was very close, but sometimes you have to accept the fact that time is not ripe. Tomorrow, tomorrow I'll go online and look her diary and write her a letter. Hopefully, fate will smile to me, because love really became my burden. I spread my bed and went to sleep.
Chapter 13 Sleep Dark and long corridor, which does not end in sight. Stretches and stretches, as all of my fucking life. Scary stumble and fall because I do not know what under my feet. Illuminates the way a couple of dim bulbs on my both sides. They almost never give light only allow you to see anything on the distance meter. Harsh light. Crazy eye pain. From the field I was so scared that I stopped breathing, and when air lacked in the lungs, I came to his senses. Huge gulps I began to catch air. From a sharp flow to the heart
banged, I slid along the wall on the floor and knocked his head on his shoulder. In the eyes with tears. So I went to sleep. I woke up in the same corridor. How long I lay there I can not say for sure. Time before and after as if mixed, it accelerated its pace, then ran at a breakneck pace. I got up and decided that we should seek a way out of this corridor-like maze. Once coverage included here means someone is there. It remains only to find it, and then I hope he will bring me out of the corridor. Need to take just in case one bulb, not to fall into some pit, if the corner is dark. (Which may well be in the hallway?) Lord, I'm delirious. When I approached the wall, he saw that it was not honey, and candles. But, but candles can not by themselves be bitten, they need to light a man. Bring the fire and only then she will be on. I'm confused. My gaze moved from the candle on the picture hanging in a scattered manner on the walls. Paintings in large part, painted in gold color. Probably very expensive such pictures seen on the tour when he traveled to Ulyanovsk Museum of Art. But no, it's a very different picture. I held the candle to one of the paintings. Light bounced nervously, as if he was afraid to see what is depicted on the canvas. Picture terrifies probably the worst creation of man, which I have ever seen. Clad in armor, the man who holds the severed head by the hair and tries to gouge out the eyes a long needle. The man correctly folded, form the Greek god. The head belongs to a girl with fine features. Prominent cheekbones, the correct shape of the lips, bottomless eyes. At the bottom was the signature, written by a beautiful calligraphy "Sorry I'm not romantic. Sweet Alena. I nearly vomited at the sight of this picture. Then I held the candle to the second picture, third-, fourth they induce fear: the severed head, bloodshed and death. I walked away from the wall, never taking his eyes from the pictures. They seemed to come alive, but I knew that this game is my imagination. Spina struck the opposite wall and I screamed in surprise. It was strange to hear her cry. He was rough and hoarse, it was a lot of fear. How much I had suffered. Moment, and I ran headlong further stumbling and yelling after every rustle. A bunch of questions attacked my head: Where to run? What's next? Salvation! I found myself near the door. A huge, decorated with gold ornaments door inspired me hope. I did not know that behind it lies, like Gagarin - into the unknown. Ran to the door, I stopped, took a deep breath and let go of the handle down. Clicks were heard. Oh no, the door is closed! I am because of all the forces began to shake the door, punched her. Back, I felt that I was someone coming. Goosebumps ran along the skin, and I began to feel very hollow fists on the door. - Discover the same - my nerves could not stand. Is it imagination, or whether there was truth to someone, but I saw a shadow that was coming towards me.
- Let me in, please - hysterical tears, I crawled on the floor and covered her face. That's how I die? Suddenly the door opened and I fell to the floor at the feet of an elderly woman. She immediately stepped back from me and gave her hand to help up. - For me, someone was walking what is happening here? - I almost screamed at the woman, although she has not done anything to me. - Welcome, you are our new student? Go through the hall, greet his children - she said it quite matternaked, as if he had heard that I was almost killed. - What? Have you ever heard what I just said? - Come to class. I like hypnotized. The legs themselves are gone on the small corridor to the room. I stopped at the passage in the room and watching all the action at this distance. Class, as it was called, was more like a cinema. Huge, but not so wide as a regular movie theater, a stage at which people were moving. They were with leather masks on their faces, from beneath which there was nothing visible except the eyes. The girl walked across the stage, seeing for a man like a dog on a chain. At this point, I had forgotten that outside the office with me wanted to attack. - How boring - with these words I left the room. When leaving the hall on fire one single light violet color. It was burning dimly at about the same as in the main hallway. Further darkness. Nothing happens, I just stood there not moving, not thinking of nothing. How long I do not know, but still, I returned to the office. People are also sitting on their seats and looked at the scene, but there was nobody. Walked between the rows of a woman of 35. She was a teacher, but how do I know, I do not understand. I went to the fifth row of seats to the left of the stage. Busy was only one seat and on it sat an elderly woman. Her appearance was so familiar. Light delicate skin, pale cheeks, without any blush, is not true for a long time. Small wrinkles around the eyes gave her only beauty. She was wearing a blue dress and white shoes. Hair gathered into a bundle, but on the face droops a little tuft of hair. Grandma, no, the old lady was more beautiful than some of the young girls. Not everyone will understand this beauty, not everyone noticed her, and yet the beauty is eternal.
I do not know about what exactly was the "lesson", but I thought he was rubbish. As for these lessons at school, where I was bored, I sat down, reclining, tipped back his head and wanted to sleep all the same in the dark can not see anything. Then I sat down to the woman who sat on the same row. I was surprised by what she said to me: - This seminar is nonsense kind of. Beat her statement I have just agreed.
We were silent for half an hour, did not leave me feeling that she wants to say something. The room was lit only two light bulbs, which burn at the scene. On it, nobody spoke, but people looked at her. She stared at the ceiling, and then, looking into the darkness, she said: - Do you think love is - it's real? Do not know where she took it, why this issue. But the main thing I said so seriously, as if he were an expert. - It depends on what kind of love you speak. Of physical or emotional. That I am, because she a grandmother, and I am here to her about physical love is poured. But it is better to know, because she lived on earth more than I do. - What's the difference ... - she said, though he had not been talking to me. Seemed plunged in thought and completely forgot about me. I kept looking and looking at this old lady, but I was distracted by passing a teacher. She asked a question, after which all the people in the class perked up and began to discuss it with interest. On the last row of a girl raised her hand high, showing that wants to say something. The teacher gave the word, and all fell silent, giving a talk. - We should put this issue on a number of other important issues in terms of development ... Then I would not listen. Yes, and I was interested in something else. A teacher approached me and started tugging at my shoulder and scream: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I stood up, from this I have headache. It was just a dream but a real one. Before my eyes was my mother, sitting on my bed. - What, what are you doing here? - You're just shouting in his sleep, saying something under his breath. I was very scared, you have a fever. - It's OK Mom, just nightmares.
Chapter 14 Diary. Again, the sound on the computer. Tarahtenie processor is strong, as the table begins to shake.
- Yes, what is? Why is it always so tarahtit? - Long thought about changing the computer or even change the processor, but why? Anyway I am not sitting at the computer a lot. Affairs missing without it. If you think, why waste life on sitting at the computer? Glanced at the general form of a diary to record. Red-black design, a long record of headlines. Diary of a sweet called - life of the teenager, which translates as the life of a teenager, the title also read her favorite quote - live freely - live freely. But teenagers can hardly afford the luxury of a free life. I do not mean by this that we just pinch, but the laws and rules are absurdly cruel and absurd. As a person who knows Photoshop, I might note that the design looks professional, a solid 5 +. Diary executed in red and black colors. In the background depicts the extraordinary beauty of a girl in a black mini-dress. It is sad. Her eyes empty and cold. From childhood innocence was left no trace. Rastekshayasya ink, smeared lipstick, but this is not a little has not lost its beauty. Femme fatale, the victim failed, tigress not managed to catch their prey. A glass of champagne in her slim delicate hand in his right hand a cigarette smoldering in the crowded walls. Records, dates and other text-based posts - red background, date - black color. In the center of the diary epigraph with the loud remark: "You are larger than life." All records as it may sound arrogant on my part, talking about me. Home Photo perfectly equipped with all the design. Everything is symmetrical, all neatly, all creative, all depressing. After seeing a few more minutes design, I began to read records. First post - always, this preface diary, in another card. The person reading your blog can easily figure out who this is it. And so the foreword to the diary Mila:
WARNING! ÂŤReading the diary book can bring the irreparable harm to your psychological condition so I shall write the posts on English, taking care of your general stateÂť I have translated this proposal through the online translator. That's what it would mean roughly: "Reading the diary, can bring irreparable harm to your mental health, so I'm going to write entries in English, taking care of your well-being." The beginning of an intriguing, perhaps only for me, but I would have read this blog. Not pretentious, not glamorous, not handsome, but aggressive and depressive. Someone might scare a preface, but then Mila does not make him read. Many records are hidden and inaccessible for reading, have to settle for what is left. I decided to read in chronological order, ie from the beginning.
Date: 19: 38, 14 October 2008. "Dumb class. 9B hate. "- I long could not remember what happened that day that she speak badly of us, but then I remembered - the presidential election of the class. While no one liked nor respected Mila, all thought that a stupid nerd who does not know how to have fun. We did not talk, was not invited to the talks, did not help her. Lisa - the cocky girl, so lots of Milo from her getting any. On this day, Lisa decided to make fun of her and made everyone vote for her candidacy. In the end Milan won, but that day was a fiasco. "He shall be responsible for the entire class" - familiar? Further and no need to explain, the girl was framed, and a month to stay after class she be guaranteed.
Date: 17: 45, 19 October 2008. "It may seem silly, but it seems to me that I was being watched. It's a boy in my class. He kept looking at me. I wonder: "What does he want from me?" - I knew it was me, but for me it was a mystery, as she guessed.
Date: 17:12, 26 October 2008. "Perhaps it is love. Today is the day when I finally talked to him. Told him everything, but he did not like everything else. Unusual, remote, mysterious. I think I fell in love with him. After all, did not know at what point fell in love with a man. I found it something that does not exist in others. He did not consider himself a god and not put himself above anyone else, but I understand that it is difficult to reach. Lord, I fell in love freak who lives in a world where a lot of cigarettes, cups of coffee and booze. If he were not of this world, a beautiful and mysterious alien from a distant planet inhabited by perfect people. I have long been afraid to admit that fell in love with this curly and fragile boy with perfect skin with pink cheeks. Can I count on the fact that my heart is not eknet when you look at it? Silly, how wrong I was. In defense, I led a lot of explanation, because of what fell in love with him even more ... Maybe it's instinct to protect him, because when I look at him, his thin hands and feet are fragile I want to comfort him, to confuse his hands into his curly hair, just hug and be close to protecting against all of the world, from people from themselves . Light skin, like a vampire, but not so impossible to compare, it flows throughout the life. He seemed to be charging their energy, although some depressed, but its a lot. The ideal person. Not a single pimple, dark spot - like a dummy, but then again, dummy - cold and dead, and he lives and lives in my heart. And what are the expressive eyes: green, I can not see a lot of them. I used to love blue eyes, and all "carriers" of the eye, but now I'm ready to shove them far away ... I met the ideal, a little crispy and cold, scattered, but here it is - an ideal. As would be foolish not sound, but I even like his timeless bags under your eyes, they are gorgeous. What I like about him is that others in their vapor irritates.
Hair - excretory feature of his image. 've Never liked kinky, trendy and stylish men's hairstyles fascinated me. What a fool I was. These curls are great to have so nice, probably wrap up his hands. Thank you, finally I'll forget about Ruslan - Here I am a fool, she had already fallen in love with me, and I offered to meet until December. I remember this date - December 2. So flattering, she's so beautiful about me said. So it is strange to feel that someone can not live without me. To record was three kometariya. - What happened to Ruslan? - He no longer live. Became obsessed with the fact that life had stopped and paint missing. I tried to help him, but he rejected me and said that my feelings of pretense. New Life's what I need "- so he said, so leave me a new life - it means a new girl. - Okay. I do not understand how you can write a "clear" after a man almost did not open your soul?
Date: 14: 39, 1 December 2008. "We were so close. Good friends, if I - Sam. But I do not want to be just a friend. I love him, and he had me there. Not that my life has become a burden, but it is not the attitude that I want. Unrequited love a song many girls, but not mine, it will be mine. Would be true. It so happened that I can not talk to those guys that I like. I'll be waiting when he decided. I'll wait for his love. I live just think about your love. "
Date: 15:14, 2 December 2008. "When you wait so long to recognize a loved one, imagining this moment, and finally waiting for recognition, thankfully no aisles, it's called euphoria. Two months, I knew that he liked me, but those three words changed my reality. "I love you" - to be honest I do not want to hear this phrase every minute, because the meaning is lost. May seem silly, but now I really feel that he is mine, although it is only three words. And what emotional weight! I love you, I hope our love will be eternal "
Date: 15:34, 28 May 2009. "What in our world is stronger than love or hate? These are the two feelings standing on different sides of the relationship as the two shores of the ocean. In January alone, he said that we will finish together eleven classes, go through all the school tests, passed the exam, go to college. From love to hate one step. And the final step - a lie. Yes, a lie and really works "miracles". I can say one thing - Our eternal love to last six months "
Date: 20:02, 30 May 2009.
"How dare he? He goes after grade 9. I say nothing. He moved to another city. It's not for me, I can not stand it. Love at a distance is wrong. Mom says that since some people actually check their love. Will they be able to deal with temptation. He trusts me, I know that it will not change me never. Do not we need such verification. I will not forgive "
Date: 23:57, 3 June 2009. Summer, Amigos, for three days. Did nothing, nothing gained, nothing is hunting, damn all lost. Hands let go, I can not without him. How could he tell me nothing? How? All those damn three days I was looking melodrama, and even did not say not a single tear. Many ate chocolate and ice cream jammed. But nevertheless I tell you I had one fun. I gained a bath with water almost to the edges and climb into it. Inhaled air and release the water. One and a half minutes I held easily, but then the lack of gills prevailed. The lungs had a hell of a pain, I really thought they were burning. The first day I almost fainted. Now I'm a little more experienced and cautious mind itself.
Date: 15:43, 17 June 2009. "No time to write, the Internet does not appear, and the thing is that I'm hooked, addicted to loneliness. Every now and then leaving in the evening and return in the morning. Daytime sleep, eat, and in the evening to walk again. The strangest thing that parents do not mind, they say themselves on the night flight of walking. Night City is very beautiful. God apparently fulfills a desire for the new year: I forget it! A new life without the eternal torments and the memories! "
Date: 15:49, 17 June 2009. "What the hell am I writing this stupid post? I do not remember him, not for a second. I love him, how can I forget? What kind of heresy? Such strong feelings teenager is very difficult to survive. Began to smoke like a chimney, began to pull, scared of every rustle. Wrote that do not sleep at night, as if watching the city at night, but I just can not fall asleep until washed himself. Yesterday counted how many cups of coffee I drink - 14. I think this is too much. And yesterday I looked in the mirror, and in them void. Why are you doing to me? What have I done wrong? I wish I'd been in love "
Date: 13:34, 1 July 2009. "Today was supposed to end. All the pain and suffering. Suicide. At 13:00 Moscow time Mila Lisitsyn wanted to commit suicide after eating pills, thus causing an overdose. Suicide - too easy, more difficult to survive. Thought and thought, but if I die, I die and my love. Hell-oo two, death does not kill love "
Date: 18:34, 21 July 2009. "Elegant. Probably nobody loves me. When make up your mind to commit suicide, all the forces gathered, gathered all my thoughts and as soon as you do the first step - bang parents. Funny case. Ate
the first three pills, start a fourth, and here come the parents. I have a quick motion it all cleared under the pillow. Sat for a minute and ran to the bathroom. Nothing came of it except the reverse reaction. Fig of my suicide. So I decided that we should tie this, as it no longer wants to run to the toilet "
Date: 13:34, 28 August 2009. "Summing up my summer vacation. Awful do not want to break the tradition of my depressive records, but summer has been wonderful. Went to the United States to her best friend Anna. Thank you for the most wonderful vacation in my life. Anna introduced me to his brother, he is incredibly handsome. Fashionable hair, earrings in the lip - hot boy, in general, a dream for any girl, but not for me. No matter how they tried to pick up my boy - do they have not worked. This does not mean that I'm picky I just can not forget my school love. I remember his voice, I remember his laugh, voice, eyes, hands, and every detail of his face. I admit my mistake, when I wrote that our eternal love to last six months. No, this is certainly the most pure, unrequited love, and eternal. Main news of my father finally returned! I was worried because I have not seen him for almost three years. Strongly People can change in three years? And for the day, people have changed. But I will say one thing: the doubts disappeared when he entered the room and the door opened. Here it is - my father, mother father, a man who did so much. Now I reproach myself that doubt about this. I'm the first to run into his arms. In the eyes with tears. Dad wiped my eyes and said: Te echaba de menos, mi pequeno sol. It was not necessary to know the Italian language to understand the meaning of those words. "
Date: 19:32, 1 September 2009. "Well, here I am in grade 10. Happiness - trash, do not visit me. Scary, very scary to me because in school again returned to my detractors. "Welcome to Hell" - about this they had in mind when you greet me. Dennis, Lisa, and Monique - as vultures, waiting until their victim is left alone to attack. Tenth grade is not like I thought. P.S. How can I miss you, your love, my feelings need you "
Date: 18:56, 3 September 2009. "The stakes are made, no more bets. This is not the Casino Royale and the stakes are not chips - that's life. My enemies are playing for high stakes, bet - I. "
Date: 23:45, 11 November 2009. Today in class, written test exam, you can congratulate me. Russian language - 4
Mathematics - 5 "Knowledge in the top five I did not have, do not even know why. Teachers say they have nothing to fear. Wrong, dammit, classmates do not think so. They are planning something about me. In the last two or three weeks really quite quiet steel "
Date: 22:09, 31 December 2009. "We have 10 in the evening, soon the new year. Happiness of course this does not increases. Please, I need only the performance of a single desire, but it has two sides. Let the pain go away. God, you can either return it to me or make me to him forever forgotten "
Date: 20:23, 2 March 2010. "My first post for six weeks. I'm sorry that so few of my friends write. Study, study, ... classmates. They behaved calmly up to the beginning of the week. Such abominable condition. Even his hands were trembling with anger, I guess. In general, I will tell all the details that you pity me. If you describe what happened to me, you'll need first. In the second quarter in our school was transferred to a young teacher of chemistry. He is not a teacher, he's our - friend. Kind and cheerful, so we called him Aydar, no middle name and surname. Knowing, intelligent - you understand, I in love with him. Or maybe it's just sympathy? Aidar 23 years and he is a man of extraordinary beauty. It attracts me everything. Jet-black hair, with a little rare chelochkoy. I love every hair that belongs to him, because he associated with him. Eyebrows arched in parallel with the correct arc. Snub nose, reducing me crazy. Seductive smile with dimples on the cheeks. His smile - this is my miracle. Tanned body. I love men with a tan, so I like the Italians. But still the main thing - it does not look like ordinary strokes or skinny guys, a simple figure, a bit plump, but because it only wants to embrace him, hugged her and lull as melenkogo boy. Chocolate teddy bear in a white lab coat. Ready to spend the whole lesson, admiring him. About his bigotry, I told, and now the bad news. Tuesday was a school assembly, and all the senior classes, teachers, head teachers gathered in the auditorium. Topic is the most hackneyed - exams. The Director said that now more strict than it was two years ago. If we do not know? We have this every day they say. When the end of the meeting remained on the force for five minutes, Dennis spoke to all present in the courtroom. I thought bluish tint: Mila, goodness do not wait. And so it proved. Denis and Lisa somehow managed to write the lesson as I am, looking at Aidar. Add music, a couple of necessary personnel, effects and behold - the provocative video is ready. The most terrible thing is that they put Aydar pedophile, though he flagged me. The same day I stood with Aidar in the director's office and lied to the teacher of chemistry does not attract me, and she looked at him and realized that I give a lot to kiss him. Damn, they hit on the very sick. Outcome. Than it was over. Aidar left on their own on the same day, writing a request for dismissal. I stood on the porch and wanted to talk with him, but when he passed by without even looking at me. It hurts, but somehow cope, once again ... "
Honestly, very afraid of writing. Is it worth digging up the past? Maybe she's already forgotten me? It has been five months since she wrote that last post. I even happened to her happened in the last half of the year. So much pain caused her so much she suffered. But I still found the strength to write her a letter: "I know that asking too much, I know that not worthy of you, but I want to say that he still love you. I've caused you pain, and all because of stupidity, I made the wrong choice. If you write in my city, even if you were not in our city, still write. I want to meet with you, because I realized one thing - life without you is not life. "
Chapter 15 And the days go by
Days walked and walked, and Milan is still no answer, no lines, no words, no hint of a visit to this site. And with each passing day I have I am increasingly aware that she did not answer. But then why is she even came to my home page? This month, comes a huge electricity bill, because all day I do not turn off the computer. Time is slowing down while I waited for an answer to my post. She has the right not to answer it right to torment me. While I was waiting for the answer to "voucher note" Sam had already departed for their dream. School in England a great opportunity to realize himself as a musician. This chance drops once in a lifetime and we should seize it with all hands. I was even a bit riled that Sam did not want to go there because of me. If he had not gone I could never forgive myself for this act. The separation was long. After about three days after the wedding, all the documents were collected: visas, passports, table of school performance, characteristics, and more. Sam has long been invited to England, and documents his mother had already started to collect as three months ago. Such hard work to gather the necessary documentation. Nerves she had not kept and it is sometimes, as Sam said, hitting the table with his hands. Reminded all of this cartoon "Asterisk and Obelisk: 12 feats. There's penultimate achievement lay in the fact that it was necessary to obtain a signature on a paper, but it was necessary to obtain a permit in another room. And so it goes and goes, you run and run until you go mad and start to climb the walls.
Yesterday stood at the airport, and I could not find the right words. It means so much, that means will it mean for me. We went with him through thick and writings of teenage and young people's lives. And in how many debacles we perebyvali! No longer count! Sam to me as a brother, whom I can rely on, his mom is mom and me. Our families became close, and everybody understands that it will be hard to live without each other. At parting he embraced me so tightly that I stopped breathing.
- Who will now cover your ass? - Fuck you! - I love you brother, and all went to, we'll conquer the world! - Either way! Importantly do not forget me. - For the words should be! I am in life you never forget. Okay, must go to the airplane, flying away soon. E-mail you my know, so to write every day. - Once a year go. Just kidding, of course, I'll write. Please do not forget me - you're my brother for life. - No one will ever replace you to me. And walked out of my life, my best friend. The only person whom I trust everyone on this earth. Damn, how it will be bad without him. But one problem still remained - Mila. She did not write to me three days, maybe something happened to her.
Seconds, like a minute, minute, like watches, clocks, like a few days - so I waited for an answer to my post. She did not answer me for a week - it honestly has evolved into a hobby. Poor and self-defeating, but still a hobby. Luckily did not have to wait a long time, she sent me a message consisting of just five words: "Tomorrow at twelve at the fountain." She wrote me! How beautiful it is when lit new message icon and says that it sent to you Mila! But then the mood a bit marred. I read a couple of times a message. Near a fountain? In our city, they certainly are not a lot, but I still do not have time to hurt them for a couple of minutes. After a second thought struck me. I said I love it when we walked - it was the Fountain Square of the street near the cinema Lemaeva Jalil. Yes, she specifically chose a place that means a lot to both of us. It is only necessary to wait for tomorrow. All cleared up and we can put an end to this tangled love story that lasted almost three years. Or maybe not? Suddenly I see her and I want to put a comma or dot. This I now say this because I did not see her lovely facial features, sweet smile, full of hope and love her eyes. No, remember one thing, it is necessary to put the point differently, I so, and live life to the one that makes my heart hurt so much. What am I? Do I give up a girl that I love, just because of what she did hurt me. No, maybe and yes. I do not know. All too confusing. And so on my 20:00. Go to bed a lot earlier today to quickly to wait for our meeting. Interestingly she has changed? A character? And if she can not come to our meeting? Just decide to give me the same pain I caused her. Himself to blame.
20: 25. Gosh, how slowly time goes on. What do you do at home? What to do? Okay, everything has been decided - I will go, to walk before bedtime, may soon fall asleep after the walk. Quickly put on his shorts, t-shirt, flip flops, put his headphones in his ears and left the apartment where he lived for four days, like in the occupation. At the local store bought a pack of cigarettes and went for a walk through the streets of his native city. Long winding roads deeper and deeper into turns me into the city center. I did a lot of streets have never seen, never heard about them. I was still quite a lot and decided to turn back to his house, but only the other way. That road has been central to her housed many shops, cafes and a cinema. Young people often walk on this street. I often walked so - think it is fashionable, but then got sick of it. What is the difference that you think about the people whom you never see. And you know what is most important? God gives too little time to man to live. It can not be changed, you only need to accept. Have time to do everything to live for a hundred - no, this is not true. Do not have everything, but only what is really like. Well, once I was near the cinema, we decided to go to the fountain. Can not believe that I can finally meet with Milloy. Time change not only people but also the stones. Externally, the fountain has changed a lot from our last meeting with Mila. Marble cracked and cracks appeared in the moss. In the folds of a gray patina. At the bottom of a muddy rain water barely can see the trash. This is a place for even the most sentimental person could hardly be called romantic. Perhaps because the fountain they have not been associated with anything special, but for me it is something more - another reminder of the girl of my dreams.
The Fountain - a meeting place of two halves. Me and Mila. This day I remember quite badly. I do not remember why we met people, whether together or separately, but it is not so important. The only thing that I remember best - it is. From afar, the way of my happiness, was a girl. Youth and Love beat out her key. It is fun to bounce, because of what the passers-by stared at her in amazement. Well, let - what a difference it what about it would think these people are, she is happy - what more do you want? Summer yellow dress with black pepper, black pumps and a handbag with the words ÂŤI want fly with youÂť. Slender, she flitted like a butterfly from one flower to another. Tripping and look at the sky. I sat on the edge of the fountain without taking his eyes off her. I wonder what they think is the perfect creature. Creation of man, the machine would not be such as is not done. No soul, and has grown to such a miracle, we need love and affection. When Miles came closer I could see her face better. Long flowing hair glistened in the sun and exactly hanging from his shoulders. Thick bangs from beneath which is still visible insanely beautiful eyes. I was drowning in their beauty. Not a diamond can not be compared with a gleam in her eyes. Maybe at that time I was terribly sentimental, but when I looked at her, I could not remain indifferent. As if the soul itself demanded romance.
Mila nicely summed up the eyes with black pencil, because of this they have become only more expressive and more. Not one child will not be so sincere look at the world. And she could, Mila believed in everyone, even the worst person you can find a piece of goodness, he just have a good mask. Love will change the world and therefore the child gave her all. On this day, the second time I fell in love with her. More unfortunately, I do not remember. Okay, we should go home and get a good night's sleep tomorrow will be a welcome day.
Chapter 16 Meeting
Warm morning. Sunlight filled the rest of my room. I love those moments when it seems that everything will turn out that life is getting better. Yesterday, when I went to bed, I'm on something of a thought. And what if Mila has changed? Can the suffering made her angry and aggressive? Then this will be my fault. Suddenly, now just goes attachment, and too strong, but when I see it, this rope will fall? No, this can not be. I love her. And love can not go out like that just, I do never believe it. Let us assume that love has passed, but I'm still going with her, if she will love me. Because it can not hurt her again. Now 11.27 and time for me to get ready. Wearing a shirt quickly in a cage and black jeans, giving himself up (now I have to be perfect), I left the apartment. Closed with a key, turning four times, and I usually close to two. This morning I myself have changed, as have a feeling that life will change dramatically from 12.00. I think for a minute on what to go there and still decided to call a taxi. The driver was driving very slowly, and I was afraid of being late, but fate was kind to me and I have time. Arriving to the theater, I immediately looked at the clock - 12.57. Anyone would be jealous of my running sprinter. I just pulled from a place like a crazy fear of being late at the appointed time. By the time I was at the fountain - it was 11.59. I looked around, Mila was not there. Maybe she watches in a hurry or do I hesitate? Oh, and if it is already gone. A thousand thoughts attacked my head. Knowing that this could happen, I would have left even at nine o'clock in the morning, but what can I say I would have stayed here overnight with yesterday's walk. For her sake I can go to many victims. That will only go if it is on them? I ruffled her hair, as it was already 12.08. It was late by almost ten minutes. So what? I kept waiting for her for two years. Ten minutes - it's not that.
Suddenly I realized how difficult it is. Stand and wait in the hope that here will the man you so much waiting. In my head splyla a strange sad picture. Mila is this fountain and waiting, but at this time backgrounds vary. Winter, spring, summer, fall, and she's waiting for me until I get out of the corner. From this thought I felt even worse. It seemed to me that during those eight and a half minutes later I was sat. ... Milan. As if a thousand butterflies tried to take off in my stomach. It seems I am going to fly up into the sky. Ease came around in the body, in mind. All disturbing thoughts from the evening before, simply vanished. Happiness filled me like never before. I was ready to jump for joy and running in different directions. Was ready to scream their love around the world. Total needed a second to realize what I do for that person everything. Try to turn every moment of the happiest moment in her life. Make every effort to perform the most cherished dreams of Mila. And let them be worth millions - it does not matter. Find a job if needed not one, but she was happy. And only then and I'll be happy. I think that is nobly when a person is happy for the happiness of another person. For the sake of this moment, as if selfish is not mentioned, is worth living. Part to the time of the meeting was unforgettable. She goes to me. Here it is, here I am - hope that we'll be together - of course, is if it were not, I would not be standing here. Time has stopped, the reality is gone. I only see her. Mila has changed, but not just appearance. Tolley is an instinct that is foreboding for some, but I immediately recognized her. I'd heard it a thousand, tens of thousands, of hundreds. In its way, walk that something is not right. Gait is now not such a light and airy as it was before. She did not jump up and just goes, perhaps, my little girl has grown. No beautiful multi-colored dress, no long blond flowing hair, no purses, no womanly beautiful boats. Instead the child is fully grown-up girl. On the feet of huge size shoes and wide rag pants, a shirt with a purple cage pochtalonka bag over his shoulder. And the most important change in her manner - short black hair cropped crew cut. I used her long hair, light as an angel wings. It is easy to explain - as I have heard from women is a myth that if a change in his hairstyle - a life change. In this hard for hard, but if from this life Mila changed for the better I was "over." It is difficult for me to get used to it? None. I love her like she is. Appearance in this man for me is not important, the main feeling that I feel for her. Between us remained two feet. Mila stopped abruptly. For me it was a surprise, and how silly it sounds for it too. As if the body itself without signal stopped. Maybe it's instinct for survival? The brain is not yet realized, and the body tired of the pain, and it has decided to take everything under control. About a minute we just stand and look at each other. For the moment I'm still a hundred times gray. Suddenly she just wanted to come and hurt me? If so it is I realize I deserve. What is interesting is she thinking?
She turned to the other side, and pointedly looked at strontium I was afraid that she would leave and shouted: - Please do not leave. Mila turned to my face and so stared into my eyes, that chills ran along my body. And then she answered it the perfect voice that my heart is trembling - I did not live, I existed. - My life will be called a fairy tale. - Come on, after these years, we say as we were bad. Why? Do not you just want to fall in love again? - The last thing I want to fall in love with you. - Here's how I somehow head and share yourself that you still love me, naive. - I still love you, but I think we've done too much crap. - You're on my heart? - And about your and my. - I hate, you become more cynical selfish egotist. I'm in front of you heart open. - I still love you. Terribly fond of. Every passing world without you tears my heart apart. You are my oxygen, which can not breathe in pure form. - Because I love you too. How then do you remember. We also had a good time together. - That's just history repeating itself. I do not like it. - I dedicated my life to you. - I heart. - I love you. - Also - even though I tried to deny it and seem cruel and callous man, but could not. I do not want everything to happen again and I still celebrate behaving badly, but do nothing with this feeling in my heart. I approached her and just took her hand. So began our love.
Chapter 17 The spontaneity of love
Maybe life is getting better. God did just for us to check, and a very brutal and long. Our love has stood her, and I can rightfully call her Mila half. Even if she does not really my half, whereas erode the edge of our lives, and we get together. I have long thought that meant the phrase "My other half? finally understood what it meant, and at the same time understand what it means to the expression "He / she is a person that does not." Everything in our world is interconnected. You know, if there is no second half, hence, a man is incomplete. And not just people. The simplest example of an apple, it is incomplete without the second half / part. Also in humans. We should definitely get together. Then adjust the other question, "How could our creator is to assume that human beings are born inferior?". Because frankly, not everyone can find a home to him the soul, and even if it is - it does not mean that it is the same half. Suddenly, somewhere far away there is a girl or a guy who is your component. It's hard, but who said life easy thing?
Yesterday we walked all day with Mila and talking about completely different things. Basically, I asked her to say, but I just listened and enjoyed her voice and presence. When Mila was holding my hand, I not only knew that love, but felt her presence in itself. Telling the truth that his heart felt a presence inside. And this is a wonderful tingling sensation below the knees! How many want to pay for these moments. In a few moments I just do not understand where I am after all the time I looked at her and not on the road on which I go. I did not care as long as it was near. Maybe for those few hours I was too sentimental, but when last night I was standing at her doorway and said goodbye, I nearly cried. I did not want to let her go. It seemed that I was willing to look at it forever. But the main reason probably is - fear. I'm terribly afraid that she will disappear again in my life, and the second of two annual lull my heart just will not survive. Milan became my life, my air, my everything. Every once loved will understand me. No need to go to the ballet for many years, that would dance, we just need to fall in love. A man in love is easy to learn, to walk, in action, according to a person. My day began with a dance. I whirled, professionally fingering feet. - Waltz! Waltz! I want to dance! - I cried the whole apartment. Well, let me hear. - Yes, let everyone know that I love! Yesterday I told Milo that will come at 8 o'clock in the morning with breakfast in bed. Quickly looked at the clock: 06.17. - I still have time!
People really change when fall in love. Never and no one could wake me up so early, but now I he arose. What can you make the girl of his dreams? Something special, something that she has not stayed never in my life. Can prepare a sponge cake? Yes, it was decided, I'll make her a cake and bring a thermos of hot chocolate. So unexpected to hear that Mila has moved almost a nearby house. Now I come to her when I needed it. Hopefully, we will always be together. There was one main issue: how to prepare sponge cake? - Cook Book. The book was in the bedroom in the bookcase. Such heavy and dusty books. Even my grandmother cooked pastry masterpieces on it. -B ... b ... b ... b.. Yeah that's B ... Sponge cake. I quickly ran down the pie recipe. It is not so difficult. But will only follow the recipe exactly, otherwise it will loose shape and lost. By nine o'clock I got out of the oven hot pie. How nice it smells, I hope he will like it because everything for her. I can not even boil the soup, and then cake! Proud of myself! I put it in a big bag and parallel poured into a thermos of hot chocolate. I will try to surprise her most important not to forget to close the door on such a hurry. Exactly to put in, I stood in the doorway of her apartment. He pressed the bell but nobody opened. Only after the third ring, she opened the door. Damn, it does not want to wake her. My fears were not unfounded. In the passage stood a sleepy girl with her hair disheveled and half-closed eyes from the bright sun light. Mila was in a nightie with pink rabbits, and giant furry slippers. - Good morning! - Gleefully shouted to somehow wake her. - Hey, - she tried to squeeze out all my love. - I'm so sorry I woke you. Want me to go and come when you sleep enough. - No, no. Come into the room. Tea to warm you? - I already ate breakfast at home. Speaking of breakfast. I tell you something to eat brought. - Hmmm. ... So what brought us Mr Cook? - Then find out! Go until the wash. Mila went into the bathroom while I quickly began to lay the table. Carefully poured into a cup of chocolate, chose the most beautiful plate for sponge cake, the most brilliant wishbone. I think even the president does not serve such a thrill as I Milla. It's clear after Milan for me, as president, as it may sound rough one for some.
I listened to the flowing water in the bath and thought, what can a man go for love. A friend of mine, Fred, said that "love - that's life." But life is the most expensive, therefore, for the love we are ready for everything to death. Fred liked to, because people did not feel the taste of love, will never be able to say this. Love gives the desire to create. And Mila - my inspiration, my muse, my life. It is pleasant to think about it, because for her sake I am willing to commit the most ill-considered actions, saying the most crazy things. Meanwhile, Miles came out of the bath and was pleasantly surprised by my confectionary masterpiece. And I'm glad that she was pleased. During this one-half of the day my principles have changed, because in my life appeared Mila. I can not think of it as all thoughts are hers alone. She sat down and looked again on the cake. Mila had a finger in the cream and try it. Willfully said: "Hmmm." Then I remembered a passage from black-and-white film. Man feeding his beloved with a spoon. It was beautifully played, I do not know how we do it will be ironed hopefully romantic. I took a teaspoon and set apart a small piece. Then came a little closer. Mila initially reacted with fear, but then touches smiled. In response, I smiled. Next time, I wanted to forget forever. How could I not notice her shoes? How to avoid banal, I stumbled on them, missing, got Milo's cheek, and he fell to the floor, with a sharp blow on the nightstand. I'm red in the face because she laughed loudly. She tongue licked the cream from her cheek: - What a delicious sponge cake. I have a never visited. - Because it's made with love. Anything you do today? - Come on, take a walk around town, let us remember our place. - Yes of course. Sing, and we immediately go to the other end of town. - And why just the other end? - Because I'm there never was, and I want to discover new things only with you. I think that if we go to the cinema, it will be commonplace. And more ... At this point, what I was pulled to sit on one kaleno front of her. It's like the old movies, when love to sit in front of the girl, which wants to live forever. It is from this flushed. So cute. - Dear Mila Lisicina I swear that I will be your every day, most unusual in the world, I swear that I will bring breakfast in bed, I swear that never in my life you will not cry for me, I swear that if you ask me to leave leave, I swear that the world you know, turn over, I swear that when we are old we will still stay young, I swear to love you forever, more than Romeo and Juliet, is stronger than the most beautiful book-a novel, I swear that we have is Happy End.
While I say all these beautiful words to her Mila started to cry. She looked at me, not looking at her tears flowed down her cheeks, and his hand trembled a little. Now I am 100% knew that she loved me. For so many years in our relationship came at last a ray. - I am no one ever spoke such beautiful words. Thank you very much, I ... I ... was not right when she said that forgot how to be sentimental. You always saw in me only the good side of not paying attention to the poor. The only person who never said what I did, and who said what I did. The man who did not reproach, even when I do something bad, you're a person who takes only the responsibility. I love you, without you the world would not be what it became. One last thing: I do not need this stupid Happy End until you are near. - Has anyone recorded it? It seems we're just uttered an oath on the bonds of marriage. Better it happens now or I'm afraid my place someone would take. "Do not be afraid to take your place now as two years employed. And I have an idea, you're so trusishka! - And what an idea? Now she sat down on one knee in front of me and quite seriously said four treasured words that not every girl is able to say: - You marry me? Do you think I think? I thought I did not think, laugh, or what? Of course, I thought. When you offer to marry the girl you love more than life itself does not cause any problems ever. But I can say is that it was a pleasant surprise. Girls are always much more serious attitude toward marriage than men. And this horrible woman rule: a man should first call. If you like, what's the difference who is first to decide? In love there are no rules and restrictions. In each pair of its rhythm, its own "cockroaches" can not be judged merely by the fact that someone out there said that love should be, and what should not. I think I uttered a tear. Damn what's cool. In my head at once flashed a picture. I sit with her on the sofa are grown outside, but near us circling two small beetles. But had not begun to go deeper into their consciousness and said: - I agree. She jumped up and hugged me with such force that it is not stifled. I barely vykorapkalsya from her embrace, but in all seriousness said: - Generally, it should have happened differently. And I would invite you to marry me, not vice versa. And it only added with a sneer: - Who says we're a normal couple? - A weighty argument. I threw it on the floor and started kissing her neck, arms and wrists. It smelled fresh. How can you not compare it with an angel or perfect being.
And if you think so in love with each man calls his love the most beautiful words. And now imagine that every person on earth in love, purely hypothetically, if the land comes a mini-paradise. I went back to her snow-white neck. Such as smooth skin molodentsa. Why molodenets? Yes, because they are always pure and innocent and naive to ease. Kisses rose higher and higher for its fine-cut cheekbones. I'm in love with her cheekbones. ... Her lips were the cream, and I ate them. Phone call. ... How did it at the wrong time. Mila apologized and ran to answer the call. Would have killed the one who rang the bell. Once I believed in the good intentions, God gave us a chance to stay together, he repaid us a bad chip. After talking a couple of minutes on the phone Mila, had returned to the kitchen. She's like a saw in my eyes and answered the question: - It's called Mom, asking whether all is well. - It was good to call. - Do not be angry because you're at it, she did not know. And you know, since we already had breakfast, maybe go for a walk? - Yes you can and walk - still pretending to be angry, I said. - Mr scratch-cat. Okay, I went to get dressed. While Miles was dressed, I turned on the TV and saw a very interesting video on MTV. A man was telling about one unusual site. The chip was that more than five hundred thousand people across Russia have left nearly one million books. They are "wandering book" walk freely around the country, passed from hand to hand. So intelligently thought out, because the books that people read and sometimes reread, reflect the essence of the soul. People find themselves in each book. When it was pretty, I told her about this video, she agreed and gave her two favorite books: "The Shining" - Stephen King and "Veronika Decides to Die - Paulo Coelho. These two books I read in fifteen years. Winter. When I was attacked by some sort of depression, I have read almost all of our home library. Many people signed the book, as if giving a little personal history preface of this book. I decided to write short: Try to make all of it, this beautiful book will teach you more. Mila wrote: Love each other fools. I am a little surprised by her account, and I wanted to ask: - Why did you wrote? - While I was alone. Without you. I always saw people arguing over trifles, as they kill and destroy the feelings inside love. Yes, I had one, but because of this I could easily evaluate other. The worst thing that people like it. People like this whole vanilla stories about broken hearts and grief. ***
We came out of the house and realized that you could go on all four sides. - Come to the place you will choose one book, and for another I? - Proposed Mila. - How could I not agree with you. First, let's go hide your book. We left the house and went in the direction of the market. There was a small courtyard of the same type. On one of the benches at the entrance Mila put her book. My version was a bit more original. I took Mila hand and led her to the bus station. He was just a couple of minutes from the place where it was laid the first book. - Why did you choose the station? - Because my dear, people come and go, but the station is the best place to take away this book in a different city. - Ahh ... I just have not guessed. Here I am stupid, put it in a courtyard. - You're not stupid, just you thinking differently. In your choice of the same was the highlight? What are you thinking when you chose this place? - Honestly I do not think. - It's also not bad. Because you were moved by the call of the heart, and nothing here is no fool. - That's what I love you. You'll be able to do and most of my silly antics of a half-century wisdom. Once you think I'm so smart - I have an idea. - Delusional? - Very. - Excellent! - Since we are with you at the train station that can seize the moment and go to another city. They say in Kazan incredibly steep water parks. - Really? You want to drive in Kazan? Just like that? We also do not even swimsuits. - We buy, right there. I have 780 rubles. And how much money you have in your pocket? - 1000. I deliberately took a little more, to take you anywhere in the restaurant or cafe. - Well, because in another town to go original. - For your sake I am ready to buy tickets to London. You go away, I'll follow you. This is my meaning of life - to follow you. - We can do until Kazan, of London, I still think about it. Maybe next week. We approached the counter and looked at flights today. In Kazan flights today are not found, but it was a bus to Almetyevsk. - Want to Almetjevsk? There, too, fatty, is a water park.
- Come on, of course, I want to Kazan. - I'll always take my - Mila smiled at me, from this it was so good - Please give me two tickets Nizhnekamsk-Almetyevsk. - Return back? We looked at each other cute, and I do not know why, in one voice, without even deliberating, said: - At one end. - With you 600 rubles. When we got tickets, we had half an hour to call our parents and say that today we do not sleep at home. My mom knew, like I want to spend the night with Mila, her own mother realized that she wanted to spend the night with me. One gets all the good, even lying is not necessary. In my head there have been rapid mathematical calculations. At almost eleven hours. At eleven, our bus will leave from the bus station. About an hour we'll be in Almetyevsk. We will have a whole day to explore the surrounding city. About seven or eight we buy tickets and at ten o'clock we will arrive back in Nizhnekamsk. - You have downloaded. And the bus can be late. - I've done the calculations, in how many we can come back. - You know, I'm of course very much, but now I want you to explode with all his might. We eat to relax, and most importantly our journey spontaneous. What does it mean spontaneous? That means no payments, no schemes, nothing but fun. Understand? I was rebuked, if not an obedient child and I had only dismissed the head to agree with what she says. We boarded the bus and went to a meeting of adventure. I was happy. What more do you want? I'm going to relax, and most importantly with me girlfriend. Of course, the one we have not considered. Milo gets bad, when she rides the bus. I have about three years ago was that, but when I was a little older, all gone. Nothing to do with this impossible, you just need a nap. She has long disagreed on this, because they do not want to, I was bored. But still gave myself a stomach to know and she quickly fell asleep. Mila put her head on my shoulder and quietly sniffed. I looked out the window and plunged back into his thoughts about something eternal, but quickly tired of myself. Before I met Mila, I loved to argue on such topics, but now everything has changed. Why do you want me to do stupid things without thinking about them. Mila taught in this short time to live, not to think about life. Now my life is something tangible that can be touched, and then she was like a cloud of thoughts, a clot that can clasp hands. ***
By one o'clock we were at the station. So it was pleasant to feel the ease of looking at reaching people with heavy bags. They carry everything with them that have amassed over the years, and I have Mila. I do not need bags to carry a very expensive, because here it acquired standing beside me. Too much baggage behind him can not be compared not with what. But each has its own value. - Where do we start? - Said a sleepy voice Mila. - You want a water park. - You know, when I was in the bus, I suddenly came insight. - And what do you see? - An inner voice kept telling me: Go, go, right and left at the store. - What nonsense? This is the same from some movie? Like "Notes of a traveler." - So I think so too, but I'd like to try. Just after many many years, I'll tear himself the question: What is it? That there was it and why I dreamed it, you know? - Vaguely. Well, you know what I'll follow you, even on the edge of the world. - Okay. Then buy some water to drink, and go after my dream. And then at the end of the world. God clearly gave us a chance to be together. And can we and our relationship - this is a great reality show up there? Come sms vote among the residents of heaven, and who have continued the original wins. Today we are together, and a couple of days ago I did not know whether she was alive. Speaking of reality shows, I think the top game called "Life" is very much appreciated. There is quite original people live. This not think anyone can. I do not think this is bad, on the contrary, I like it because our lives are not boring and not fresh. But damn, at least he could warn us. Shopping here is no different vendors, people walk, the homes are worth. Such a feeling as if copied the city, but simply called it another name. I used to think that the only build the same house, but now realized that the gray beret and the city. So the pace and the country will look the same, the government will in all its advantages, for example, that people will not get lost and it will be easier to navigate in a strange city. So let's do rename all the people on the planet would be two names - male and female, although it can be the same, and one Sasha. Bisexual name and it will be easier to remember, only the degradation of society will grow like a snowball. Honestly I do not understand people. Why do they want to be no different from the crowd. Although it is their right. Maybe it's on them - be gray, and some just goes gray-to-face or eye color. - Well, they went? - Mila said it with such hesitation, as if she was hoping there was something to see, but afraid that it will not. The first time I meet a man so strongly believes sleep. - Yes, go, see what fate has prepared you.
It crushed two seconds on the spot and took a step, second, third. Well, from something one must begin. Then we went pouverennee, and when our pace has increased, she abruptly took my hand and gave her confidence though. I really believe that there where Mila is there something. Right, right to left at the store. I do not know why I repeated it the whole way. After five minutes' walk I saw a shop worth somehow remotely. I was glad, because dreams to find something from Mila does not dissolve. - Mila, look here shop and just leads to the left lane. - It's not a store. - Meaning? You said you had not seen a dream, and heard an inner voice. - Yes, exactly. But you know, and now an inner voice tells me that this is not a store. Please, please, go ahead. I honestly thought it was foolish to rely on an inner voice. Better for me an exact calculation, as well as science, I love the ones where you can learn by heart, calculate, consider, for example, the literature I vaguely understand. After all, there seemed to be the hero of the book, but the exception is psychology. I like it very much. - There he is! - Mila screamed in my ear. I jumped from surprise. She began to jump and jerk my arm. - I was right, I was right. A bit of misunderstanding, I asked: - And where did you get that this store is the "Thus", why did not he, at twenty meters from us? - I do not know. - It does not even have a track to the left, just to the right. - It does not matter. The inner voice is not saying that will track and you know, in life as there is no sign or track "Here Come to be happy." We ourselves rely on themselves. I rely on my intuition, and it suggests that we should roll here. - Well, let's say you're right. What do you want to see? You do not expect that there will be a bag of gold? - If there was a bag of gold, I would be upset, because I'm waiting on this, something unexpected. - For the first time see a man who does not want a bag of gold. - I'm not saying that I do not need, just like a miracle. - Miracle? I thought that your miracle I - something I have so touched her last phrase. - You do not wonder - you destiny, happiness ... freedom - she began to list those who I am in her life. - In general, the three "c" - In terms of the three "C".
- Fate, fortune, freedom. - Yes, exactly. And you call me a letter! - I can not. You're just - life. There's nothing more to say. *** We went to the left, go, go, but nothing "this is not seen. I'm already tired of this journey, and I did not expect to see the same thing but Milan looked as if she put this thing back and just went for it. That would be me such confidence. She stopped abruptly and looked around. Well finally she realized that she did not find here. I was afraid that we are so up in the evening to look for that, not knowing what. - It seems it is here - she said to herself. Apparently she had completely forgotten that leads me by the hand, was too busy with the search. - What is "it"? - The answer to my question was not followed. It seemed there was something hypnotized. Suddenly, Mila just let go of my hand and wandered to the tall grass. She wants to find there? They heard a squeak, like a mouse. Only this was not enough that she caught a mouse with fever or any other rubbish that the mouse port. I ran to hide her away from danger, but was impressed by what he saw. And I thought it was a mouse, but it turns out that ... - Dog? - Yes, look she's so skinny, probably have not eaten. You can not run to the shop and buy a sausage. - Mila, you're thinking, inner voice has led you to this dog across town? - This is not an inner voice, it is fate. We must help the dog, because we'll have true happiness and now we need to help others. You think nothing I have not turned around the first shop or a third? None. Come quickly, I think it will last a long time. - I do not want to leave you alone in a strange city and, moreover, in a quiet courtyard. - Go. It takes a couple minutes here and there to run. Can you imagine it's probably waiting for us for so long. - How could she wait for us. She does not understand. Mila apparently could not resist, I still ran and shouted at me, because even in my life did not scream. - Run! I raced with all legs. Visualizing what can it happen to her during those two minutes. Thought were bad, but I could not dismiss them. They are like rammed my head every time with renewed vigor. Suddenly, the dog, now furious and attacked her. And suddenly pounce on her a whole pack of dogs. Local alcoholics, street thugs, maniacs, thieves - I was getting worse each new thought.
Finally I ran into the store happy at the thought that now run back, but I saw the queue and everything collapsed. In a large queue of about five minutes will have to stand and another way back from the store to Mila. It's about six minutes. Why am I so badly I'm afraid this is just another city, but almost does not differ from ours. This thought became a little easier, but to be replaced by another. Almost the same city in which she did not know where she is one with a sick dog. Without which it will not go anywhere. To request that struck me first, it made no sense, I know these people. Actually they have nowhere to rush, but because of their own hazard will not let you forward, and then the day will grumble to their friends about what is not the educated youth. But worth a try, could my meager representation of happiness will not like that. - Excuse me, can I have the first punch, but we found a starving dog and my girlfriend very much love animals. In general, she sent me for a sausage - I said in detail that there are no further questions. And then began disgruntled cries of old women, lush ladies, men standing with baskets, in general, as I thought, but among them was the man who let me forward a few people. The little boy gave me his seat. Before him, of course, there were two more people, but this is much better than six. He was holding a five rubles and lollipop and a puzzled look on the floor. At this time all the old ladies could not settle down. They do not fall behind until I get out of the store and when I get out, will still be discussing me. - But are not you ashamed? A small child even kidding. - Planting of need! This here is our people. Just to find someone who can mix with the dirt and find a reason to bridging all the stones. This chaos I'm so tired that I ostentatiously put on the headphones, so they have lagged behind me. On the one hand I was even fun to watch. They are all tripping over themselves to prove their case. Only one person like me, someone pulled his sleeve sweatshirt. This was the same boy. I removed the headphones and crouched down to hear what he says, because because of this cry of an Indian, I have not heard anything at all. How do I wanted to cry, so they shut up. He said something, but I did not hear. I asked, but again the result was the same. The nerves have not sustained such an aggressive criticism, and I cried like the whole store. - CAN, shut up already?? - All at once stopped and looked at me like an idiot. - Yes, he has not yet cultured, - A woman found the courage to utter. I asked again to tell the boy that he wanted to say - And the dog will be all right? - Who do you believe? There is no dog, he just does not want to be like everyone in the queue - the woman said, standing in front of me and collected the purchased product.
- Your opinion no one asked, shut up and silently pick their own food - a distinguished aggression attacked me. I've always respected people I have grown up, but now she began to grumble at the wrong time and wrong place. - Ham. And who raises these children? - On her cue, I did not answer. - Listen kid, if you want to see it here in a minute walk. A little farther from the store. - Mom does not allow me to go away. - Well, can I believe that we are with my girlfriend will do everything we can. I bought a big stick of cooked sausages, said goodbye to the baby and ran back to the Mile. It turns out that when this much like you can run faster. Mila sat in the same position on the grass, stroking the poor dog when she saw me, the expression immediately changed. Her face lit up with a smile. - Are you so long? - She asked, but if she wanted to say hello, but her response was not significant. Mila rapid movement broke off a piece of sausage and put it near the mouth dog. That was still lying without any movement except breathing. Then, being confident in a situation of hopelessness Mila opened the dog's mouth and laid a piece of sausage. The dog tried to tighten his jaw, but the weakness could not do anything. The last option is to chew this piece and put it in his mouth while holding hands, mouth dog. I do not know, lately I have not seen any man so fought for the life of another creature. Mila highly risen in my eyes. - She eats! Come, my dear! - She screamed with joy when the dog chewed with difficulty eating a piece of sausage. Within half an hour Mila feed the poor animal until the dog did not have enough strength to stand up. - We'll take it a Nizhnekamsk, I will ask permission from mom and dad, the dog lived at home. I take my her to the doctor and learned that it is not so, I will take care and look after her - that's so quick that nobody needs, and almost dying dog a chance at a happy future. So fast Mila decided liable for someone's life. I do not know, seems silly, but Milan may already live in peace, because it saved lives and no matter whom, entered it correctly. Why plant a tree if you can save a life? Well, if we talk about three things that should make people this: be born, fall in love and die. Such a small cycle time from the beginning until the very end, but the gap not so easy. Only the most skilled person will be able to reach the second point from the beginning to the end, there lived a little, fell and died in one day. - I'm certainly in favor, but as we get it to Nizhnekamsk? First she could not walk, and secondly no one wants to carry a dog in this form, in the third I do not know the taxi numbers in the city. - If you had not thought about how difficult it is to do it, but thought that we should do it, would you even did not take these issues seriously. Thyself to impose. Do not want to, you can not help me, I will do everything itself, but will not give up the dog when her hope.
- What are you talking about? I will never leave you. If need be, I can carry in their hands until the very Nizhnekamsk. - Thank you - she kissed me on the forehead. I took the poor dog up and carried. It was quite easy and lifeless. The most terrible thing, when I carried him, he felt his ribs, as if no fat was not. I wonder how long he lay there that had brought himself to such a state? None. None. No, he brought himself to this, and society. Society must take responsibility for what had been done with animals. To what extremes can lead a man forcing him to do what you do not want. Once I read the book "Veronika Decides to Die" and was struck by the fact that said girlfriend Veronica. I do not remember her name, but it is not important, and most importantly the fact that she did not want to leave the house the mentally ill. And why? Yes, because society does not understand it, then put a question: Did they understand it? Think for yourself.
Yet we found a number of long distance taxi and paid him off to his native Nizhnekamsk. The trip was tiring. I spent an hour with a half-dead dog in her arms. The taxi driver a long time we did not agree to carry a sick dog, but Milan was able to persuade him, or rather no Mila and thrown over 400 rubles at the top. Dog's life valued at 400 rubles, to roll our world. Well, that's what this dog can he do with the car? She does not move at all. Arriving in Nizhnekamsk, we first ran to the vet to check the dog. Queue did not exist except for a man with a cat sleeping peacefully in her arms. The doctor came out and said that the next person goes. As soon as the man with the cat and dog saw us, he missed no questions asked us forward line. How little remains of these people that may just help without any obligation. Thanking him, we immediately ran into the office of a doctor. - Oh, my God! - Exclaimed the doctor - what happened to her? - We found her lying on the grass and decided to help. The doctor looked at our incredulous eyes and added: - She is very weak. - We feed her sausages - It is strange that she could eat it in such a collapse is difficult to imagine that she is alive. - I helped her to eat. - So it's not your dog? - No. - Then I'll tell you that, unfortunately, it will have to euthanize. Canine shelter is full, and for such a patient dog needs more control. But you understand that people in the charitable organizations working very little.
- I'll take her home. - Knightly, but watch out for it will have round the clock. Do you have enough time to do it? - Yes, I promise. - Well, then you can still get out. I'm viewing it as a finished, will call.
*** Dark room, lit only by moonlight. Decomposed bed. Suddenly fired up the phone, it came sms message. Screwing up his eyes, he looked at the display of the mobile. New message. Sender: Mila Time of departure: 01.00 Message Text: After much persuasion my parents allowed to leave the dog. With it, everything is in order. Good night, see you tomorrow! Love. He smiled in the dark so sincere. His smile seemed to be the prettiest on earth, very happy, because he had a thing for which to live - Love. But suddenly his smile instantly vanished from her face. What happened to him, as soon as he was the happiest man on earth. What is he remembered? What a terrible thought could have come into his head? He whispered into the silence, as if reminding himself: - Already in two days. After these words that were understandable only to him, he fell asleep, leaving a confusing space surrounding it.
*** She sits on the windowsill and looking at the stars. The girl often taken, here after catching a warm blanket and large pillow because nights are cold, even though it's July. Sometimes she would take with me a mug of hot chocolate and dipped in our thoughts. So she would sit all night, staring at the moon and listening to silence, both at home and on the street. Now she sits in a tiny shorts and a thin T-shirt. Barefoot on a cold surface. Face concentration is unlikely she thinks about the weather or how much milk costs. Thoughts quite distant from everyday life. Read something in her eyes, but what? Anxiety? Fear? Disappointment? Anything but no joy. Having spent a couple of minutes so she said as if referring to the stars: - Thank you that he is with me, but the bad feeling does not leave me.
Having said this, she climbed down from a cold window sill and lay spread out in a warm bed, where he immediately fell asleep.
The night was heavy and he and she. What were they thinking, no one knows.
Chapter 18 Such a strange morning He woke up so early that the sun was just beginning to sprout. What does he want? Maybe it's because of yesterday's unexpected ideas that led to remove the smile off his face? On tiptoe, he peered into the room with his mother. She slept, nervously twitching at every rustle. Too restless sleep. Afraid of waking her mother, he left the room. In the bathroom, he tried once again to gather his thoughts, but nothing has still not come out. Even a cold shower is not what he has not helped. He looked in the mirror, but saw the reflection of the fact that the glass is very foggy. Hand held on the surface, and remained streak in which he could more definitively examine yourself. Wet hair plastered to his face. It is strange to see him with a haircut, because they usually stick out in different directions. According to him dripping and falling on the brow of which had to close my eyes. What he has long eyelashes, and what beautiful eyes. Green needle-like oil from drowning in a greener. Genuine gleam in his eyes as a child. It would be interesting to look into his eyes when he cries. At this point, probably can not look away from them. They say that eyes can not be beautiful in a man who never in his life was not crying. I guess the way it is. After the shower is visible on the cheeks blush easy, because the skin is very light. Many girls would envy such a perfectly smooth skin. He spent his cheek and he came to his lips. Of scarlet, like a young rose flower. The guy does not understand its beauty, but many dream of him. And he just did not notice it. It does not interest him, because he has Mila. Cheeks like vychercheny. God when he created him, has spent a lot of time, because draws every detail and, perhaps, with love. It's not perfect, but perfect. The boy is looking for happiness riddle, though he does not know what it is. Look, not knowing that and not knowing where. Sometimes the unknown is better. Once, he thought, what is happiness and concluded that happiness - it's his life. Have a roof over their heads, the means for survival, two favorite women, without which he can not life wonderful those years. He noted that all people are happy just sometimes they do not notice that they have. Many are not at home although this is not happiness, for which we should live, but still - without it difficult to survive. And he thought everything that helps to live a little longer this is happiness.
He dressed and left the bathroom. There in the morning did not want to, so he had nothing to do. After wandering around the three-room apartment, he decided to sit out on the Internet. Vkontakte - a place where you can sit for three hours for them to do nothing. He scanned the page and wondered how many lonely people tormented insomniac in his friends. In the column online friends he sat seven people. But it's not about the people who he now wants to write. Still, what a week it terrorizes the little girl from a parallel group in college. She fell in love in this perfect boy, who in turn gave his heart. All anything, he would have realized if its intentions were good, but she said she wants to regain his strength. Wrote on the wall account of the eternal love and scores page Mila spam. Mila, Lena understands and forgives all the antics of this abnormal love. But patience can be seen not last long and a couple of days ago, Miles said he could not have tolerated it. He explained to her that between them there is nothing, but she did not believe. Did not believe, and after he showed her all his correspondence. Love goes away, when it comes to jealousy, because it would no longer be the kind of love. *** For Mila this morning seemed odd. Already it was too quiet. I can not hear beeps of machines, talking neighbors, even the rustle of leaves and other sounds. As if the apartment Mila was in a huge vacuum, which does not let anything from outside. As the movie 1408, where he was cut off from reality for one hour. Suddenly, now run out of some maniac with an ax on the similarity of what was in the movie. Mila got up, put on his bare feet warm sherstennye socks and went to the kitchen. There, she put the kettle to drink hot coffee. And somehow get rid of this strange dreamy mood. While reluctantly warmed teapot on the stove, she included music in full blast. System of a down shouted at her apartment. Her mom, of course, was against such a bloodcurdling scream in the morning, but nothing could help it. Once daughter likes to listen to this - let them hear. Mother only hoped that all these teens and after a while Mila will pass. The girl began to sing along to her favorite song, so ... - Kill your rock'n'roll! She was glad that once again comes back to life, listens to music that you listen to the best moments of my life. From this you want to jump higher and higher. Neighbors have probably lost the habit of loud music in the morning. Well, Mila teach them the classic rock. Let the learning so far, says mom did not end with her teenage years. Mila popila coffee, and seized a state of euphoria. She is young, she has a man who loves her and whom she loves, not just around the corner Institute, all is well. This can be envied. Morning. No, not right, fine morning. It's time to confess your love. She dialed the number of your beloved who is always number one in the list of fast calls. In the tube there was a pretty cheery voice, but at the same time something to the extreme measures concerned.
- Da Milano? Something wrong? - Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice. From him to become at once so warm at heart. - I am happy. Mila times you do not sleep and I also have long stood up, maybe now meet, I want you to tell me in some way helped. - What? - It's not on the phone. Come, I'll also go out. - Where we meet? - Come on each other's meeting. - I can not wait our meeting, though, and saw you for about eight hours ago. *** Five minutes later I saw Mila out of the corner house next door. Here she comes towards me with her light, and not a forced step, which I love so much. So much to say to her, because the next couple of days I made her possibly never see. I'll have to buy tickets and go to Perm because the birthplace of Artyom and was buried there. Tomorrow we leave in the morning on the bus and only in the evening getting to Perm. No, I can not live without it for two days. This may seem like an eternity to me, because she's my eternity. If I was a vampire, I could enjoy truly an eternity. Edward from "Twilight." I envy him, because he really can live forever with my girlfriend. My God, what am I? On the "Twilight"? Forgive me for this idea. Mila came up with a smile and asked me: - Well, what have you got someone gave birth? Why do you so urgently needed? - I want you to be helped by the maximum take my mom. - It is what you fed up with you, so try to get rid of it? - The smile on her face I was so infuriated. Apparently there is no perfect relationship, because it may enrage even the little things like a smile. - Mila can remove the smile from his face and listen to me. She apparently knew what had happened was something serious and immediately removed the smile from his face, focused, and began to listen, no longer interrupting. I told her that the day after round date with the moment when the death of my father's. Told me that tomorrow morning we will go to Perm at home to Artem. About how difficult it is to remember that fateful moment of his mother. It is, of course, departs from this, but still knows he would never forget. Generally due to Artem, she realized that not all people are bad, and wish her harm, but because of it she again began to love, it was he who gave her wings.
In general, Artem did what I could not do over the years, he simply returned to my mom a taste of life. She, of course, difficult to cope without him, but the years go by, and she calms down a bit. Still, this was true love. - I am very sorry for your mother and I'll do what you say, to somehow help her to carry this loss. - I mean she just too sensitive, and gives his feelings without reserve. - But what can I take it? - We'll go with me and will sit all day with me. I have it like working at home and not make us hungry. Since most our presence will make us posuetitsya. Shall discuss a detailed plan, we went to my house. I opened the door with his key, and we went to my room to wait until my mom wakes up. - And than loans yet? - Mila asked, looking at my collection of CDs. There have been many groups quite different times «The Beatles», «Dolphin», «Lumen», «Noize Mc», «GUF» and others. By nature I am a music lover, so not too picky in music, but they call me a music maniac. Even on Facebook, I nickname "Music Maniac" - I think you can watch TV ... - Fie, it is not interesting. Let's you I will read their poems. - No. I do not like to read. - How not to love? Vaughn look like a lot of books and "Phantom of the Opera" and "Romeo and Juliet." Love to read the French classics? - I mean, I do not like to read their own poems and books I love to read, and not only the French classics. And I do not read just to take some time, but there is another reason. - But what? - I read the classic book, because I want to confess your love so that the heart is mesmerizing. - How sweet. - Oh, kidding? - No, honestly. I sighed and asked her to tell how they lived two years without me. Of course, she resisted, but then agreed because I promised to tell you how I have lived these long two years. Here she is sitting opposite me, and now will tell us how they lived for two years until I suffered from dullness days. - And so. Happened honestly very little that is new, all the days were gray and monotonous. Well, try to explain so that you can not sleep - I never sleep when you're talking about, because it is a pleasure to listen to you - As you know, I stayed to study at our school up to grade 11, in spite of the fact that you're gone. The first year I did not know you were in town, I thought you left because you say so. But when I learned
that you are in my happiness was no chapel. Yet after all happiness is gone, because Sam told me that you're in town, but you've got a girl and you have a serious relationship. - What?? - Well, certainly nothing to do but go to your page in the online diary and read your writing. Perhaps you did not pay the guest list in your diary, so do not notice me. In contact your page for friends only and I do not want you to see me. I am just like many people, I hate the loneliness, but I do everything to be lonely. - No, I do not mean that. What do you say Sam? - What do you have a girlfriend, and you with it have long meet, and you love her with all my heart. - This was not, I have no one did not meet after you. And unless you have not had a boyfriend? - No. I, too, no one met. - I went to Volgograd only 5 months and then back again here, in the same apartment, and went to college. In our college in the Petrochemical. When I asked Sam if he knew anything about you, he said that you moved to the other end of town and you have a guy that you really love. - And when we had seen, he told me that you have a girl and you are happy. Is Sam lied and you and me? As he could. My inner world is turned upside down, really the only friend and then betrayed. Sam could deceive me? I ... I ... I hate him for it. Why did he do? Maybe he himself liked Mila, and so he decided to conquer it, removing a competitor. Or maybe he just wanted something for revenge and this chance fell to recoup. - I will definitely call you and will deal with it. All I calmed down. Let's continue to tell us how you spent these two years. - I was watching you to be honest. We live almost in the neighboring houses. Almost every day I saw you walk into the store, hanging out with Sam and his girlfriend. - What other girl? Natasha, I think I taught her. It lags. - Ahh ... understandable. Of course, I did not give out yourself, because you do not want you to remember me, and your life became hell. Because you swore to love me forever, but after half a year meet with the other. I'd rather unhappy, and you'll enjoy life. - I have kept my promise - I know. We looked at each other, and then I broke down and as with all his might brought his fist against the wall. And he began to beat her again and again. I could not stop anger from the betrayal of Sam does not go away. From him I did not expect. Place to meet with Mila two years I sincerely wrought itself. Mila jumped and began to soothe me and begged me to stop kicking the wall, but I did not stop until he saw her glance.
It was fear. Mila was afraid of me, but at the same time I've seen her look so much understanding and love. She patiently sat on the bed and waited until I stop hitting the wall. After about ten strokes, I released his hands and slid down the wall onto the floor. She ran over to me as a mother to her son and put my hand into his open hand. Just now I saw my bloody hands. I looked up and saw that on the wall, too, were left bloody footprints on my fist. Anger remained, but gradually came out furious. This fight with the wall, I let all negative energy. - I now call Sam and speak for him as it is. I dialed the number and Sam waited until the start honking. Here they began, but he still did not lift the handset. I threw in a second and scored again, but again he did not take. Called again, and set himself the condition that if the fourth buzzer will not take up, then I cease to call him. The first blast, the second, third, fourth force was not to lose, and I finally got to the phrase: Hi this is Sam leave a message and I will read it, I guess. - No, I will not leave him messages, I want to talk to him. More or less calmed down, I asked her to answer one question. - Mila, and Aidar was? - It's my teacher. - No, it's all about Aydar that you were in love with him like the March cats. -You want the truth? - How cruel would it was not. "He was. I loved him because he reminded you. Not in appearance. At you, he looks completely different. Here are internally you had a lot in common. I loved it more for what happened to him easily. - And this is what you wrote in the diary and did not hide from me? - There were two reasons. First you have, how many did not come to me and the other ... Well, actually once I saw how you've stopped by the entrance of the very Natasha and so much angry. Put up this story to a page diary, and you start to go every day to highlight in your diary, but then visits were becoming less and less. And then I'm about a year for you not to go. Later, I decided to leave this stupid venture and start a new life. - And what made you come to my blog again? - I saw you. You sat on a bench near her house and let his head. I looked around the corner and could not take her with you eyes. I so badly wanted to see what new in your life. Came to you in a blog, but there is almost nothing new. Simply die from lack of information about you. Then I decided to meet with Sam and asked to tell how you live. We agreed to contact about the meeting, but he did not come and so twice. Then he responded so harshly to me: stop writing to me and do not poison life my friend. - How dare he, "I suddenly wanted to beat even stronger wall, but at this moment my mom came.
I looked at her and could not believe my eyes. She always tried to look at me happy and cheerful, and now looked like a drowned man. Big bags under his eyes, as if she had sleepless nights, the third day. Disheveled and filthy hair, braided in her hair unkempt. Poorly washed his face. Traces rastekshiysya mascara. Form left much to be desired, but it can not be blamed for this. It is a hoarse voice asked forgiveness for his appearance and leaving, told us: - Prepare yourself to eat in the fridge to eat foods. Today I want to sleep, and please do not wake me up. And she left the room, gently closing the door. - Mila can go home. Apparently the plan is canceled. And a walk today I will not go, I want to be by her side. - I'll be there too. *** Know thus with Sweet Tea, I got the phone and dialed the number again this traitor. - Hello brother, I'm sorry, was in the classroom! How are you? - Answer me this joyful voice, I was so disgusted. He almost ruined my whole life for their treachery and falsehood, and he was happy here. - I do not understand why you lied to me, you betrayed me. You miserable liar, ever, hear'll never forgive you - I looked at Mila and saw her sad face. She nodded her head as if to say this, so I slow down - can you tell the damn truth - a little softened voice. - Okay, listen to the truth, but remember, I never, never wished you harm. - Come on, - said effusively. He vzglotnul and started ...
Chapter 19 Sam
And what if they find out about this? No, it just does not happen, because I deal with it, and they no longer meet each other. Never. But if they still meet. No, this is one chance in a million that they could be together. Even though our city does not compare with the area and the number of Russia's population, but 250,000 people is not enough. They love each other, and fate will help them meet again. This will not happen, I, well confused all strings.
Lovers should give love to each other, but they Milloy cause only pain. It would be better for all if they never meet. I'm confused by all, so that they do not even fit to each other, because zaboyatsya deprive of happiness. But in my soul like a cat scratching. Breaks my heart to think that my actions are destroying the very clean, in my opinion, love. Never did I imagine this does not beg, but they deserve it because they're my friends and I want to have a happy life. Mile, I said that my friend already has a girlfriend who loves him and he too crazy about her. I chose the girl who comes to him almost every day - Natasha. Even if Miles each day will come to him in the yard, she still did not dare look in his eyes. Too cherishes his happiness. Neighboring houses - too complicated game I started. I can manage for the future of my friends. Love my best friend is not measured by any units. He just loves her, but I know exactly what he would write poems to her, and hiding them somewhere. Of course he will deny it all. "We Mila already have a boyfriend" - as it was difficult to tell those damn words. It was difficult to look into his eyes when he heard this. His eyes immediately snikli, turned gray and became like a lifeless. That little flame of hope for a meeting with Mila that burned in him two years - went out. They are already almost two years have not seen each other, and hopefully start a bit forgotten. Forget, forget what I hope? This crazy couple never forget each other. **** After Sam told all this, I felt the last bastard. How could I doubt his best friend. Revenge of to sit down and think about everything carefully immediately rushed to the accusations and claims. The most contrary, that Sam did not cry no I was not offended at it, just said, I forgive the silence once told this story. I did not immediately apologized, but he seems to know how my soul. He understands, it is unlikely I would find another such person. Even after shouting at him for what he wanted to help. I am grateful to him. - You see, he did not want anything bad, Sam, a good friend - told me Mila didactic tone, as if my mother after a conversation with him. - Yes, you know that I'm a fool for you. - Not that you're not a fool, as, incidentally, he's getting on. - Sam said that he worked there, the wear and no time to even walk. And the city is magnificent. There he made friends with two very interesting artists, and they want to put together a group. Sam - the drummer and the other two - guitarists. They play melancholic music. Imagine, there's even a certain number of their fans. In general, he soon becomes a real star. - I'm so happy for him.
- And in another can not. You're so kind - I kissed her forehead, - You go with me to the bus station to buy tickets in Perm? - Sorry, but I need to collect things we go tomorrow to the beach for the day. Maybe the way I try to avoid the impression that the three days you will not be there. - Okay, then I have one similar. Go long wear shoes, and I'll go to my mother. When I opened the door, she slept, I did not disturb her took the keys and went back to the mile. - Well, they all went? She just quietly went to sleep. We went from the entrance to the street and that's it. Place and time when we must leave for three days so I could go with my mother in Perm. How can I live without those moments when I want to fly. How can I endure three days without it, they now seem like an eternity. And let no one never told me 'you lived without it for two years, and here three days, can not tolerate. " Yes, I can not. - Everything I have gone, - she said quickly and turned around. - Wait a minute babe. Something I did not understand, and where a kiss goodbye, and where a hug, do not believe - I brought her to him and put his hands on her hips. My lips almost close to it. Every kiss her as the first. I kissed her lips, nose, and then kiss on the cheek and then bit into my tender lips unique.
Chapter 20 Trip In the calendar this morning marked with black - that day died a piece of our family. Artem Nikolaevich not become one in the morning due to the fact that someone just is not all right with logic. If I move it is still possible, but my mom every year gives her love to him, and then departs from it for ten days. I think that is true love. Give part of himself, even to those who have a cold and could not feel the heat of the heart. Who knows, maybe now Artem looked at my mother in heaven, and gives her love too, she just can not feel it. In the morning my mother and I eat at the cemetery to pay tribute to Artem, a good stepfather and a wonderful lover. There would meet all his relatives from this, we still would not be better because it does not report to his unfortunate death, they blame us. Parents, friends, brothers, sisters, aggressively opposed to our presence, but everyone understands that Artem would like that we came from. I have two opinions on this matter. The first option - the native Artem law and we are guilty of his death. I do not deny that on our shoulders a certain percentage of this act, but not all. We can not be responsible for this are not sane man, even though it happened because of us. But you know, actions for love and for love are very different.
But the second option - it is our innocence. If he did not want to protect us, do not be defended, but simply stood aside. Artem as a hero plunged into the battle to protect the rights of his beloved. And they must take into account the will of the deceased, and not look askance at us and cursing. The bones of the "curse". To be honest I'm a little afraid, because my mom told me that their family has a strong fortuneteller. Her great-great-grandmother during the time when all women wore corsets and men in breeches sorcery and making all of spoilage. One of them was a beautiful day even more fun. I do not really believe in these stories, but still worried. What if she tries to put on our family this damage? - Are you going? - Cried my mother from the next room - we have half an hour later the bus, and you're going to like a girl. - I generally have long been ready, she also requested to wait. - Oh, sorry! - She said helplessly, and tried to squeeze out a smile. We closed the door and rushed towards the bus station. We almost missed, because when we crossed the road outside, which gathered a huge crowd of people and does not budge. Something happened, like a man shot down. Well, we have the kind of people do not give them bread but give stare at something. But the pancake action nor any. Well, we still got on a bus and drove off. Mom fell asleep right away that I was very happy. I got the phone and downloaded the ICQ. Mila has just been in the network. My fingers just started typing text messages. "Hi, I have sat down, my mother immediately went to sleep ... Good morning *" Second, I watched the moving icon that the subscriber wrote back. "Good morning does not happen. We leave here now swim at the beach. To go again in this sweltering car. " "I 8:00 to go in a bus full of people, and you're about 20 minutes by car and the breeze. You know, I have something he always wanted to ask you. " "Ask." "How? Or because of what you fell in love with me? How do you understand that I am good " A long silence. Then came the icon notifying that person wrote. Then he paused. "Yes, it's been so long. Back in ninth grade. We are with the girls in our class were chatting on the guys. I asked what, in their opinion, the perfect guy. At this time I did not love and do not even look after you. The girls told different things to someone who looks, the mind is kindness. Then we laughed and just chatted. Lisa told me that you come to me. I refused. Then asked what the main thing for me in the guys'
"And what did you say?" "The main thing - to love" Not all the hell she would say so. Appearance for my Mila is not important. Why? Maybe she does not pay such nonsense for so long. "I love you. We drive to the beach. I'll write later. While " "I love you. While " I turned off my phone and followed the example of my mother - went to bed
I woke up from what my mother was shaking me with his hand and slapped on the cheek. - Well, did you get up zasonya how much you can sleep. - And what we've come - I tried to get up, but I have terrible headaches, and they ate had to get a package where I vomited. Mom patted me on the head. - Oh, and when will this do not understand, usually in your age, nobody will be swayed. - Well, here I am this. - Do not worry, after 10 minutes we will arrive, and then you go to bed in a room on the bed and sleep well. - I do not really like to sleep in their house. I feel bad, if there is negative energy. It was true, but my mother as always waved. I was not offended because I felt and so bad. In the stomach twisted, his head ached terribly, and in the eyes of double vision. I fell asleep again. *** Morning. Head after yesterday's trip took place. But the mood there, because at this point we do not want to see. I looked around. Mom went to the room and nervously glanced in all directions, then at me. Me why it was funny to look at it. But then I remembered that yesterday was asleep on the bus and immediately asked - Mom, can you imagine me dragging? - And ... - she said thoughtfully, and shivered at my harsh words - no, you got up and went himself. - I somehow do not remember it ... well, okay. And what do you go so nervous, if not its own. She looked at me with a look that I knew immediately that something was wrong. She sat down on my bed and hugged. Closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then blurted out in one breath that will be heard throughout his life:
- Mila had an accident World collapsed. I felt like a fish out of land if the ice gets on a hot griddle. It seemed that the skin is now burst into small pieces, because I scored a lot of air. I gasped and breathed though. I fell, I burned in hell fire, I tore apart wild animals, all that I have experienced the hard way. To acceptance after this it took me much longer to be silent but I could not. - She ... she ... - No, she died. Now she lies in hospital, all stabilized. But her sister, Olga, died, and I think it will need not shoulder the guy, and a friendly shoulder to comfort and help to recover. - Do you want me to go? And how are you? I do not want to leave here alone, - that's a damn sense of when to choose. Two options. No, not right, no right. Just have to choose to stay with mom and help her to raft down this burden, or go back to his girlfriend who dies. What to choose? Thank God, my mother helped me choose. - Ed. I can handle alone. In the end all, you should not always help me deal with it. - Mom ... thank you - I quickly jumped out and with great rapidity began to dress. - And so take the money. I still call a taxi because the bus is too long to go, so you must be over 6.7 hours of administration. I'll be here three days, that's money for food - she picked up the phone and started to call a taxi. By the time I was ready to send - So after three minutes will come. ... Well, sit down on the track. - Yes, perhaps. Mom, I hear She interrupted me: - When they speak, sit on the track, then have to sit in silence - as they say, I shut up. - Well, all went taxis have probably soon drive up - I wanted to tell you that thanks to you, - opening, I said. - All the goodness that you have done will come back to you, that's machine. She led me to the door and a goodbye kiss on the forehead. - A successful trip. So I rushed back to town for a meeting to Mile.
Chapter 20 Accident
Hot day. The sun ruthlessly warms everything. At this pace the whole of our little town will soon become a desert. In these summer days, only the lazy do not go to a river or lake. Indeed, to survive in the concrete city is unreal. Weekend without him just is not handed down. He was so far away and most importantly, that he could not stay. Under other circumstances I would not let him go. It hurts to let him out of sight. I do not see it quite a bit and it seems an eternity. How I lived without it for two years? Probably just did not live, because I do not really remember a lot from the "unlife. Parents are very long going, if we eat there two to three days. Cream, beach umbrellas, mats, food, drinks, clothing. Forward to an extreme degree. Maybe that's good, but I will probably never was. Once accustomed to immediately plunge into a pool without a spare wheel. Leave! Faster than I want to feel it! Sun, summer, beach, water. Just like in the song that always played on the radio. I mentally started to imagine this luxurious day at the beach. Usually Dad chooses a quiet place where no one disturbs. And this is usually about ten minutes drive from the normal beach. Calm requires sacrifice. I jumped into the car and followed the car sat Olya. I had to fasten it. I hate to do it. Her five years at her age I had already done a lot of things yourself. And she always sits on my neck. I certainly do not detonenavistnitsa, but sometimes they take me out of myself. Maybe I have too shattered nerves, can I have such a character, but I can not stay in one room with a child under 12 years. Too much chance that I nakrichu at him. Before leaving on a straight line to the Kama formed short tube, which is very annoying father. He never likes to wait. Dad because of this annoying and then when the movement is stabilized, dispersed at very high speed. Mother also was not opposed to feel the little breeze. Schumacher family. Dad slowed down near the first beach. And seeing how many people on it, immediately stepped on the gas. He, like almost all family members except me loved the place is quiet. And I like it better when many people in such places always feels lonely. Solitude - a world different world in which life goes on its channel. The main thing that the lonely man nobody touches it and he has a lady outside the shell, which helps with "foreign" invasions. "The waters" - a good beach with all amenities, but there comes a lot of people, so as not sad, this option is discarded. Five minutes, we still went on this long road and saw a beautiful beach. Kind of a marvelous, soft sand, and rested on it, only five people. Dad stopped abruptly on the road and an open bottle of soda fell down. They rushed to get her mother. Pope swore a couple times from this mom started to laugh. The parents were like two young lovers, as if time had no power over them. While they were getting out, I started to unfasten Olu of safety seats, when suddenly I saw a huge Kamaz moving in our direction.
I froze with fear and I could not even tell the sound could not say of himself. He raced at high speed and can not turn or stop. We are lost. I looked at the parents' sister. As if in slow motion see their every movement, even the most minute inaccessible to me before. How it all disgusting. All my life I Oli got out and hated it. It turns out, she will remember me as stupid hysterical sister. At such moments the entire life of flies before his eyes, but I just before his eyes flew moments in which he was. From the first moment we met until the very last second. Was not on my mind a prom or even the highlights though he is my most shining moment, which eclipsed the rest of their lives. God, no ... Kamaz approached our car and light ...
Chapter 21 Hospital
Some people say that after the accident did not remember how it happened, do not remember their actions, as if all were on autopilot. I envy them, because I remember it all ... Blood and debris from the window, crying, rending cry of pain and fear. I even heard broke my bone. Only here do not remember what it was. But well, now I feel nothing ... I wonder where Mom and Dad, where Olga? In my head flashed a scary thought about their death, but I quickly moved away from them ... I did survive, so they survived. How much time passed, I do not know why some hours in the ward was not. There was nothing, and I slept soundly, probably the hardest in my life. At a subconscious level, I heard that someone said about me. I have not woke up, I did not think, but I understood that it is a reality. How do you want it to be just a bad dream. - Who would say to her? - Asked the sad and fearful than a voice. It was so much despair. Mila is not a dumb blonde or a cheap movie actress, she realized that something was wrong with either her or with someone in the family. She did not want to admit it and therefore wanted as much as possible to remain in ignorance, but apparently that did not want the doctor. - Milan, Milan - he called her look too soft voice. Damn, will open his eyes. - And here you are, and woke up - then he started talking to distant subjects without telling for what it is he came from. Afraid.
- God gives us too little time to live ... and rightly so, it remains only to keep pace. Please tell me the purpose of your arrival. He, however, not shocked, as expected Mila, and took it calmly. - I came to tell you ... That's it, now he says the phrase, which I may be right to die with a heart attack or a phrase will not be as deadly. For example, I broke the five dice and all that. - ... That Mila, you hurt your spine. - Excuse me ..., I just could not believe my ears - Mila you hurt your spine. - It means that life is over? - While there are people who love you - life will never cease. - You can easily tell. - I have a lot of people said so. I have never been easy, you can not even imagine how difficult it is to tell people bad news. - I understand ... - Why are you so easy to perceive it ... - Because I am fine! All just great! Never in my life was nothing more wonderful! I am positive life ... - Auto-suggestion? -Self-deception ... Doc, tell me honestly, without pomposity and remote calls. What happened to my parents and Olya. - ... - Do not be silent. - Your parents were in a coma due to cerebral stroke, and your younger sister ... she ... she died. -Can you leave me alone. - Yes, of course - he went out, leaving me alone alone with my thoughts. I knew that one with this terrible grief can not manage. Also knew that samoistezat will himself ... for what? For what is not called: Dad gently machine? - They would not have had time to get out, but can be managed, I just gave them that chance. So ... I also knew that I would blame myself ... I hate myself for it ...
Here again, the doctor entered the room and said:
- Do not blame yourself for what is not. - Why? - Experts, when inspecting your car, they said that the bottle fell under the gas pedal. Your father could not drive off. - Go away. - I just wanted you to not tortured himself. - But why? After all, you said that many who are reporting bad news. Am I special? - The last sentence I said with sarcasm and a sad smile. - Find the answer to this question in itself. After these words he left the room. I decided not to focus on this mysterious Dr. children's hearts. What do I do next? But how come all people who had no chances left. What a man feels when he knows that his choice is simple - no. Hopelessness, which he will not be able to overcome within himself. It feels when she realizes that life is over, and the life that was before - a fairy tale. From these thoughts I have headache and decided to sleep. A dream ... it was not, I have not seen anything in a dream. As always. And maybe what happened to me a dream? I opened my eyes and nothing else ... the same house, parents and life. Through the door someone knocked, I forced myself to open my eyes. - Sign in - I cried a nervous voice. And then he flies! Simply can not describe how glad I am that he came from. This beautiful, darling. I like once in love with him. This man, whom I'll always be glad when the rain or the sun will turn Men into mincemeat, when I have PMS or fucking when I'm not able to raise their hands. I'll do anything for him, though in fact can not, in the physical sense. But the point is not that, not that stupid turn, not in this damn hospital, not that my parents got into a coma, nor is that my little sister died - not in this case, and that I will love him always and under all circumstances. My love is eternal, unfortunately, I do not eternal. He quickly ran up to me and kissed her forehead as a mother kisses her child at night. Gosh, how I love those moments. He hugged me and hugged her so tightly. I was hurt, but I said nothing because I was afraid that such a moment no longer be represented. When it was quite possible, I cried. He quickly rebounded - What happened? - Press firmly. - I'm sorry, why did not you tell that it hurt? - Because I love.
- My little fool - after these words he gently hugged me. It is not so much as before and this makes me angry. - Hug harder. - No ... Not have to be psychic to realize that he too loves to hug harder. Funny case, because when you love usually try harder to embrace. We sat in this position for a long time, and then I decided to tell him. - You know. I have a serious injury. - I know everything. - And you will not get away from me? After all, you and I will be no future, no one with me no future, ... if I log. We can not be together. - I'll go only if you do want. I absolutely do not care what you can not I have something to offer, but I can - I paused, just to think through the 15 minutes I realized something. - I can ruin your life. You too love me to go, but I, because I love you too, so I love that I will not forgive yourself if you'll be chained to my bed because of feelings of guilt or a sense of duty or because of some some other garbage. - You're breakin 'my heart, I want to say that a world without you nothing. I know so many say, but my words are sincere. I lived through that period of time without you and I absolutely do not want to repeat it. After all, time is too slow, especially without you. I just want to say that I'm not a storyteller and I can not promise you eternal rainbow, but I will try to turn your life into a fairy tale. - I only need your love no fucking rainbow I do not need. - Perhaps this is love ... - here come my doctor and asked him to leave the room. Much persuasion did not make him change his mind. - Today, the session is over visiting, so you better go home. - No, I will stay, that she knew I was close - Come, I know you, and without it there. After much persuasion, he agreed to go home. - So let's just agree that the day you can attend only one hour. You have a serious injury. - I do not care. That starts with this kind of life. I'm not sick yet she will not accept it. You understand that the very doom me to death. Live I will not be bearable and so I lost everything, and you still want to deprive me of my last ray of my life. - No, life is long you can still communicate with him, you just do not know, but you are still a whole life ahead. - To me, life - is a tight one day because when we are born - wake up and when we die - to sleep.
- No, this is the final answer. Conversation is over. Now I vkolyu you prick, and you try to sleep. Deal? - I do not even want to talk to you. He injected me some garbage and left. After that I was drawn to sleep and I was totally indifferent to all ... I just fell asleep.
Chapter 21 Parish I ran to the hospital in full swing! Oh yeah, that night without her is unbearable. Know that she was lying there in hospital, one with his stupid thoughts alone make me suffer. Do not worry, I will come now and will stay this small amount of time that we provide. I see the building of the hospital and starts to run faster if I grow up rear fenders. Wind slams into the face, my legs almost touching the ground, probably, this means flying out of love. How many times we parted, but this night she has a long and hectic in my life. Even when we parted for the two years did not catch up with the emotion inside what I feel. She is the one lying in his room. I ran to the door of my prison, Mila, and ran at full speed up, how I long to see her, hug and kiss. Inhale the fragrance of her skin stroking his hand over her smooth skin and long to look. Without words. After all, we all understand. - Hey, wait, where are you running away so fast - I ran to the doctor yesterday that interrupted our communications, how do you want to embed him for it, but no time. I almost stopped as he approached me. Well, he slowly creeps? - You're a friend of Mila Lisitsin? - I'm her boyfriend, but not the essence of what happened? I sleep ... - I mean, what's your name? - It does not matter. - Her parents were in a coma, but from close friends only you, my grandmother would come only after an hour. I just want to say ... -Faster. - I'm sorry. - You ... you mean it? - Yes. I personally and the entire hospital staff mourn with you. You can go to our psychologist and talk about it. - I'll go ... - Where?
- Go to her house, because there she lived her last days and last night. I felt the most immense pain which has ever experienced. So painful. After a moment I just calmed down. Did not want to do just lie down and sleep. I've never been so calm and umeretvorennym. Opened the door, it creaked, showed the whole ward. Curtained windows - because of this, a darkness. I went to the middle of the room and realized that everything is not without nice. She gave life to this concrete box. I went to bed, where only yesterday lay my meaning of life, guiding star, my future, my life ... I patted the bed sheets and blankets, trying to somehow feel her presence. - They are washed - I looked, it was a little girl about 7 years. I was not interested in what she was doing, I just wanted to be alone. She went on to say: - Mila handed a letter addressed to you - the girl gave me a piece and just wanted to leave, I said aloud the words addressed to himself. - And if I had not come here? - And she's not from that not only answered: - When Miles passed me a piece, I also asked her this question, to which she replied: He comes, will come - after these words she left, leaving me alone with the memories. I unfolded the paper so tenderly and carefully, trying not to make even the smallest creases. Inhaled the scent of the leaf and did not feel anything like when she died, she took all the memories of her with him. Rising from bed, and going to the window, I sat on the floor. How I want her to say this, I need the voice of her presence ... "I've been thinking about the meaning of life, yet meet you. After that I knew exactly what he is ... in you. You've become a lot more to me than a guy, you became my friend and a dream. Without noticing I was getting better, but the mere presence near you fills my cell life and love. I always forget what the Schadenfreude and hate, you taught me a lot more than school and friends, you showed the world something great and we should love him. After we parted I knew to do with himself, it's like to do a great job, and then realize that she is not who do not need. Then the world collapsed, you know, because it was hard to understand what it means to live without you. And the moment I saw you at the fountain, after a long distance sparked in my life, I felt it. And I did not have cared less that I was once burned. Yes, even a million times annealing, but the main thing to be with you. I would have gone to you as Icarus, the sun knowing that opal their wings and die. You mean to me more than all the others put together. And, perhaps, is the last three words that I utter out loud in this life: I love you ... " When I finished reading this letter, then lay on the floor and curled into a little ball. So I tend to pack when I was young and I have something taken away. So it is now taken from me Mila ... What will I do now in this world without it? I can not find a girl that would compare with it, such is not there. She was special. I remember how one time she even kissed me, saying that he wants to look at me, because when kissing, her eyes closed. I remembered all this, I felt as though the cells have a life, but now not the same. Everything had changed in this world, because Milla is no more, no more peace, love no more.
She always told me: "that happened to me - live and continue to live." I told you that she's stupid, what can happen to her, and she was right. I promised her to live, now I hate myself for what promised not want to totally live. Barely got up and went ... where he went, what went - I did not care. Perhaps now I feel the biggest in a lifetime depression. Maybe a drink? I was annoyed that I take everything too easy. Why not gromlyu chairs, no mother, do not beat - like a dead person is not familiar to me. So anyway I live for her, someone to remember her. How do I love her ...
Chapter 22 NIGHT
I woke up at two o'clock in the night, and no longer able to sleep. You should have a lot to solve. First - my love. Break your heart and release or condemn him to life in prison with me. The second - the parents, I can not live without them? Third - that keeps me in this world? Fourth - if I can live if the parents will not close when I let go of someone I love, if my spine is not cured? What, what shall I do? Respond to all this I absolutely do not want to. I'm too tired, too much crap fell on my shoulders. Maybe in five years I'll laugh at my views on life, because now I laugh at those that were. What do I do so want to just somewhere to drown, to easily fill the water and expand them, want to feel how they burst and then die. So it will be easier for me and everyone else. Feeling at last that freedom of which everything is a lot of talk. I never felt free, perhaps because there was no excuse. I'll miss him, in his black hair in his smile, according to which in my heart something ekaet. I will miss his scruffy sight of his beautiful green eyes. I can not forget him even though I caused to hell or to heaven. The heart is not defective as a removable disk, which takes the information, but can not format. Or maybe I'm just afraid to format the disk, fearing that the light and loved my memories, too, will be erased. But what I saw in him? But I'm not looking just like an idiot in love once and forever. Of course, it's not I had called "love at first sight." Never did and did not believe in it, although it is to me what happened, because actually fell in love at first sight. Yes, spit, most importantly, I love him madly, and parting with him would be tantamount to death. Sometimes I thought it would be better if we had not met before. Then would live peacefully and not
suffer like that. But then I pinched myself by the hand and forced to take all these stupid words back. I'm so happy that I met him in his life - he was taught to love my foolish heart. So can still stay, time on earth is a person who keeps me here? No, I can not cause him lifelong pain ... better to let him pomuchaetsya couple of days, weeks, months, years ... he loves me, it will be difficult. But then he will have a second option, and maybe a third. Able to find the girl and the girl he loves as much as me. I do not want, but I understand that this is necessary, but I know that no one would endorse. That's such a long proposal I introduced myself as a shock. All - no more, the more I think, the more I begin to doubt the decision of their actions. All the problems that I think too much. It was easier if we make decisions without thinking about the consequences. Would have been chaos - people will say. You decide, personally I'm tired to think, decide, think about I'm just tired of everything that happens in this world. I know that my death will not change anything. Many did not even notice. Although there are 2-3 people, whom death will touch. Our country, indeed the whole world as a whole is living on this fucking statistics. That this table will be resolved. Oh, how scary! Polosochka the chart began to fall. EVERYTHING! I myself I stop myself. We need to find a piece of paper and say goodbye.
Chapter 23 I'm not dead, but she died, my small part. "So strange to live without your presence in my life. Been about half a year, to be exact 6 months, 21 days, 13 hours, 34 minutes, 26, 27 ... 28 seconds. Remember, you and I participated in the contest, with the strange name "Chronology of love"? We won it and won a coffee maker. I did not want to go for it, and I just refused the prize. I immediately remembered how you poured me once hot coffee, and because of this I had to spend the night with you. And suppose I had severe burns, even a headache, but it was the most wonderful night of my life. We just slept, embracing, as you remember that demotivators with the sleeping couple. I often come to your grave, you probably see me from heaven. How was it? You better wait for me, soon I'll be, years from now 40-50. I have written many beautiful poems about your new "home." Remember, you scolded me for what I do not who do not show. Today I read them on the same literary evening. I want you to be proud of me. Your parents have not yet recovered from the coma, but I'll be right there with them when they wake up. They find it difficult to cope with the death of two children, I'll help them. My mom let go of Artema. Finally, after 10 years she was able to get rid of it. Now she says she can live on ... I'm so happy for her.
Sweet, this is my 198 post. Google, of course, can accommodate a lot more letters, but no longer. I wrote to you almost every day. Why am I writing you? Because I feel that you're still somewhere close, maybe because I did not want to let you go? Now I understand my mom and her love for Artem. You know, now she supports me. We switched roles. All that hard. ... I want to continue my life, I want to be free, how, and dreamed all his eighteen-year life, will go to Sam and arrange somewhere abroad. Nice, but it does not mean that I do not love you anymore, all my life I'll love you ... You're always on my mind, my soul and in my heart ...