become the man’s obligation, you ask? Because it has become the woman’s obligation to offer up some “post-date activity” (let your imagination run wild.) That’s right, I said it. Often times men go out and pay for the sake of “something” a little later in the evening. And to be totally honest, both practices are completely ludicrous. At no point should any party feel obligated to pay or offer up this “post-date activity” of which I speak. This activity should be done consensually and not out of obligation. And in an era of female progression and independence, more women need to step up and pick up the bill occasionally. There is a possibility of two things happening here: 1) she has been brainwashed by societal norms (which, don’t worry, is fixable), or, 2) you are caught in a Real Housewives of Orange County episode and she is going to bleed you dry. If you think it happens to be the latter, good luck and Godspeed; and, hopefully, you have a good job. This girl I enjoy spending time with is the sweetest girl have ever met...except when she’s had a few cocktails. After a certain amount of drinks (I want to count just what number changes it) her smile fades and she becomes snappy and rude
to people. What is going on with her? Is it OK to ask her what’s up with that? Is it preventable? -Confused, 24 T: It is absolutely preventable! Don’t drink! Alcohol affects everyone differently, and some people get violent or mean after a few too many cocktails. This Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality twist is not uncommon, but it is also not ideal. Obviously. The best way to avoid her behavior change is to avoid alcohol when you’re with her. If this is not a possibility, then talking about her trouble is the next best thing. (No matter what, though, this topic will eventually need to be breached.) Bring it up to her tactfully and calmly and see if she’s noticed her behavior change. She may be completely oblivious, but most likely just doesn’t want to admit a problem. As long as you are gentle and she’s really worth your time, this is not a deal-breaking problem that can’t be addressed and fixed. M: Well Mr. Confused, in keeping with this drinking theme, I’m going to answer this one in “steps.” Step #1 – Is it preventable? Well, yeah. It might be time to seriously contemplate getting your soak-of-a-girlfriend off of
the sauce. The cold, hard fact is that some people really cannot handle their booze. Most of the time people act how they want to act when they are drunk. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, so when she gets a little tipsy, she’s probably saying things she wants to say when she is sober. Often times people just don’t understand that they are acting ridiculous when they’re drunk; so it’s up to friends to shoot ‘em a reality check and let them know. Now, I don’t think she has quite reached the “intervention” stage quite yet – after all, she isn’t chugging mouthwash during work just to catch a buzz. You should just calmly bring it up to her and ask why she does acts in such a way. Like I said, chances are she doesn’t even know how ridiculous she is acting. One of two things is going to happen: a) she will realize the error of her ways and reform, or, b) she will lose her mind, get drunk and come after you (after which time all of those events will be made into a lame Lifetime movie.) If she is as nice as you describe, however, you’ll be fine, she’ll realize how loony she is acting and eventually change for the better. Steps #2-12 – See step #1 Have a question for Tove and Mammenga? Email HeSaidSheSaid@605magazine.com
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Published on Jan 19, 2010