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Ask The Johns


es, all three of these guys are named John. Yes it was a popular name in the ‘80s (I’m sure you feel their pain all you Katies, Michaels and Jessicas). But these three gentlemen, when not slaving away at Worlds of Warcraft, are here to answer every question you throw at them. They’re suave, sort of hip and are here for you. The identity of these three amigos have been altered to protect the innocent.

My girlfriend is staying home for the summer while I’ll be in Florida working for a friend of the family. What are your thoughts on different area codes in regards to different rules with hooking up with other people? Cool names, by the way. -John, 19 John P: John, I don’t think you’ll need to worry about it. John W: First off, sorry about your name. We have the honor of sharing it with toilets and men who patronize prostitutes. On to your question... While separated, I think that she would want you to hook

up with a bunch of people, just for practice’s sake. John T: If you are thinking about cheating, then most likely you will cheat or you want to. Don’t be “that guy” who is a coward and cheats, because it won’t get you far in life. Instead, Photo by CLG Pix have some dignity and be honest with her. Let her know how you feel, and because I would rather be safe and know tell her that you need the summer to work than be sorry and have a 20-year-old some things out. I promise you by the end pregnant friend. But whatever you do, do of the summer you will be either begging not go straight to her boyfriend without to have your girlfriend back or you will be talking to her, because if she is kidding completely content living the single life then you will create a lot more trouble for a while. My belief is that a true gentle- than good. man is someone with integrity, because integrity is doing the right thing when no Do you think the Swine Flu is the one can see it but you. next plague?

My friend always jokes about how she wants to go off of her birth control to get pregnant by her boyfriend. The joke comes up every couple of months, and now I’m starting to become worried. Should I warn her boyfriend about it or ask her if she’s actually serious? -Kim, 20 John P: I would warn the boyfriend if this girl is a deadbeat. On the other hand, if this girl is getting set to start medical school or something along those lines, I’ll bet the guy could get used to being a stay at home dad. Finally, if her future is somewhere in between the two, tell her that she needs a new joke. John W: The thing about jokes is that there is always some truth to them, otherwise they aren’t jokes. In this case, he needs to know that his girlfriend is in “family bear trap mode.” John T: If you are really concerned and believe that your friend would actually do something like this, then you definitely need to sit her down and talk to her. If it were me, I would straight up ask her,

-Terrified, 90

John P: Considering the overwhelming fact that there have been two confirmed deaths in the US, yes I am terrified, just like your name. To help wrap your brain around the astronomical number, I will try to bring it into perspective for you. Two is 1 million times larger than .000002, pretty huge huh? John W: You are 600 times more likely of being struck by lightning than catching this “24-hour-news-cycle-flu.” I wouldn’t be surprised if CNN has been going down to Mexico and spreading it around just so they had something to write about. John T: The day the world ends is when pigs fly...wait...everyone run and hide. Have a question for the Johns? Shoot an email their way at TheJohns@605magazine. com. Disclaimer: Ask the Johns is a sarcastic piece. Their advice is not meant to be taken literally… except maybe John T’s.


June 2009  
June 2009  

605 Magazine June 2009 Edition