HAVING A TWITTER with Graham Smith Born to be King or Queen Well didn’t that cause a media kerfuffle? No sooner had the ink dried on Lord Justice Leveson’s pen to give the British press a kick in the rear when all hell breaks loose as the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced that Kate is expecting. No doubt as the new year wears on there will be many more scramblings and in summer expect carnage as the race is on for the first picture of the newborn. Cameramen and reporters were almost killed in the media scrum to take up pole position outside King Edward VII hospital where the Duchess had been admitted with morning sickness in the early stages of her pregnancy. Why do they do it? All they are going to see is a hospital door for goodness sake. Kate’s hardly likely to come tripping down in her nightie to pose for pictures in between retching, is she? Some of the words which come out of media mouths on such occasions can make you equally sick. Charged with filling three minutes on the main news they come out with all manner of tripe. Under new laws, even if this baby is a girl, it will be third in line of succession to the throne. Bearing in mind the longevity of the Royal Family I reckon she could be around 87 before she comes to the throne and I certainly don’t think I’ll be at the street party to celebrate. One conversation between media types discussed what would happen if she had twins. Eventually the concensus was that the first child to emerge would be third in line to the throne. Fascinating, they go to college for this you know. It’s been over 2,000 years since we had such fervour over an impending birth, and look at the trouble that caused. Every guest house was closed and the poor beggar ended up in a stable jostling for position with cows, sheep, singing shepherds, camels, a donkey and a confused surrogate father who claimed he hadn’t done anything to Mary anyway! (Oh dear, there will be letters).
Joking apart, good luck to the Royal couple, they were one of the few bright spots in the year 2012 and let’s hope the chastised media minds its manners with them and their future family in 2013.
Dogs in the driving seat Given that they have usually four perfectly good legs why would you want to teach a dog to drive? A New Zealand animal charity is doing just that because it reckons that owners will be more encouraged to adopt them if they show signs of increased intelligence. Right then. I’ll admit it’s handy if you’re out to a party and don’t want to drive. Instead of your wife you could take the dog to drive you home but if the police stop you don’t count on being home before morning, they will have questions. The charity put Porter, Mont and Ginny behind the wheel of an adapted Mini Cooper and after just eight weeks are reported to have put it in gear, accelerate and steer, something which is beyond many humans after they have passed their test! So far the dogs have been driving with the help of an assistant inside the car but the next move is to let them try solo, on live television. Simon Cowell wait for this. According to an instructor, they will hop in, start the car, put it in gear and use the accelerator. Thankfully this is being done on an off-road track but the charity has visions of carrying it further. When I see a Jack Russell driving a Mini Cooper down the motorway I will know it’s time to hand in my licence.
When Irish eyes are smiling! We recently rented out a property after receiving quite a bit of Internet interest but it was the last enquiry which made me chuckle. It said simply by text, “Would you consider renting to an Irish escort?” I didn’t reply and the following day received another text with a link to the escort’s web site. Checking, as you do, I was staggered at the rates she was charging, £170 an hour….she could certainly have paid the rent!
www.50plusmagazine.co.uk
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