D Dear Wife/ Sw weetheart/Girrl Friend/ Parrtner/whome ever it may co oncern,
Be etween 11 June and 11 July 2010, 2 you shou uld read the sp ports section of the newspape er so that you are a aware of w what is going on n regarding the e World of Socccer, and that way w you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to o do this, then you will be looked at in a bad d way, or you will w be totally ig gnored. DO NO OT complain ab bout not re eceiving any atttention. d Cup, the tele evision is mine, at all times, without w any excceptions. If you u even take a glimpse g of the During the World emote control, you will lose it (your eye). re
d mind, as long l as you do o it crawling on the floor and Iff you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't w without distracting me.
es I will be blin nd, deaf and mute, unless I re equire a refill of o my drink or something s to eat. You are outt During the game off your mind if you y expect me to listen to you u, open the door, answer the e telephone, or pick up the ba aby that just fell on n the floor....It won't happen.
ood idea for you to keep at le east 2 six packss in the fridge at a all times, as well as plenty of things to Itt would be a go niibble on (excluding your bodyy parts), and pllease do not make m any funnyy faces to my frriends when the ey come over to o watch the gam mes. In return,, you will be allowed to use th he TV between n 12am and 6am m, unless theyy replay a good ga ame that I misssed during the day.
p If you see me upset because one of o my teams is losing, l DO NOT T say "get overr it, it's only a Pllease, please, please!! ga ame", or "don'tt worry, they'll win next time"". If you say th hese things, you u will only makke me angrier and a I will love yo ou less. Remem mber, you will never n ever kno ow more about football than me m and your so o called "wordss of en ncouragement"" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
Yo ou are welcome to sit with me to watch one e game and you can talk to me m during halftime but only when w the co ommercials are e on, and only if i the half time scores is pleassing me. In add dition, please note n I am sayin ng "one" game; he ence do not usse the World Cu up as a nice cheesy excuse to o "spend time together". t
Th he replays of th he goals are ve ery important. I don't care if I have seen the em or I haven't seen them, I want to see th hem again, Man ny times.
Te ell your friendss NOT to have any a babies, or any other child d related partie es or gatherings that requires my atttendance beca ause: a)) I will not go, b)) I will not go, and c)) I will not go.
ut, if a friend of o mine invites us to his house e on a Sunday to watch a gam me, we will be there in a flash h. 10. Bu he daily World Cup highlightss show on TV every e night is ju ust as importan nt as the games themselves. Do not even 11. Th th hink about saying "but you ha ave already see en this...why do on't you change the channel to t something we w can all w watch?" because e, the reply will be, "Refer to Rule #2 of thiss list". 12. An nd finally, please save your expressions succh as "Thank Go od the World Cup C is only every 4 years". I am a immune to th hese words, because before and a after this co omes the Cham mpions League,, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish Le eague, KPL, FA A Cup, Euro Cup p, etc. P//S ou get stuck on the road call the t Police or AA A. Byy the way if yo Th hank you for yo our cooperation.