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THE HIGH FIVE

THE FIVE STUDENT GROUPS YOU SHOULD KNOW

DRINK IN OUR GUIDE TO CAMPUS BARS

FALL FASHION ISSUE

007 FOR PRESIDENT

THE SPY WHO’S AIMING FOR THE WHITE HOUSE AND WHY YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF HIM

WILD STYLE

THE LATEST TRENDS ARE UNLEASHED AND UNTAMED SHE’S FASHION’S FEARLESS, FAROUT SHOOTING STAR AND SHE ISN’T HOLDING BACK


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Dept Section

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contents

SPOTTED!

The fall’s hottest trends 4 || TITLE

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IMPULSE   5


CONTENTS 7 8 9 10

Editor’s Letter Editor’s Picks Publisher’s Letter Student Tell All

IGNITE 11 UNDENIABLY GINO

The risk-taking fashion photog steps in front of the camera

12 HEADLINERS

The Sex Moans steal the stage

14 THE NEXT ACT

Robert Montgomery may be the last pure actor on stage

INDULGE 15 CHAMPAIGN NIGHTLIFE 101

The best places to throw a few back in the C-U

16 THE SHACK PACK

The walk of shame has never been easier

IMPRESS 19 THE IT BAG

The only bag you’ll need this season

20 CONNECT THE DOTS

The trend that will leave you seeing spots

21 THE FALL OF BEAUTY

ON THE COVER:

All the season’s best beauty secrets

ICONIC 23 COLOR ME COOL

The essentials that will make her want you

THE HIGH FIVE

THE FIVE STUDENT GROUPS YOU SHOULD KNOW

DRINK IN OUR GUIDE TO CAMPUS BARS

27 GO, GO GADGETS

The gizmos that you need to live in the fast lane

FALL FASHION ISSUE

007 FOR PRESIDENT

THE SPY WHO’S AIMING FOR THE WHITE HOUSE AND WHY YOU HAVEN’T HEARD OF HIM

Gordana Rasic photographed by: Kirsten Miccoli

WILD STYLE

THE LATEST TRENDS ARE UNLEASHED AND UNTAMED SHE’S FASHION’S FEARLESS, FAROUT SHOOTING STAR AND SHE ISN’T HOLDING BACK

28 UNSHAVEN BUT SHARP

Look smooth during No-Shave November

BULLETIN 30 FILM by DG Stenhouse Harry Potter forever

30 HEALTH by Austin Paulik The seven deadly snacks to ditch

31 SEX by Lady Chastity The best banging beats

31 SPORTS by Ryan Houghton-Berry A Brit’s obsession with football

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FEATURES 36 THE LADY WEARS IT WELL

Champaign’s most beautiful designer can pull anything off

44 CALL OF THE STYLED Release your wild side

52 THE LOST CANDIDATE

Jack Shepard is a mystery wrapped in a bizarre riddle

56 The High 5

The groups you should have your eye on


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IMPULSE   7


THE STAFF

Check out who’s on the ItList. No one knows how you get on, but everybody wants to make it. DANNY BALLER DEREK DIMKE EDITOR KATERINA BIZIOS

K. PONTARELLIS

PUBLISHER ALEKSIA CULAFIC DEPUTY EDITOR MELISSA MICHALAK

PETER HAHN SHEILA LOBERG DOUG SHAMOUN

EDITORIAL

BARRY TRILLA JOHNNA THOMPSON ALEX LO

ROSE-ANN ARAGON

EMILY CLEARY

MEGAN DAWSON

LIZ FAERMARK

CHRISTIAN GOLLAYAN

TIMMY KNUDSEN

AMANDA LIBERATORE

K.T. OLANDESE

AUSTIN PAULIK

JORDAN SWARD

SAMANTHA WAGNER

EUNICE YU

JOHN “BIG CAT” LYONS

PHOTOGRAPHY JON DAYRIT

MICHELLE ZHANG TRULON HENRY SARA PESSIMISIS

EMILY HARRIS GIANNA ABRUZZO

ALEC PIGNOTTI

ART & DESIGN SIERRA PILAND

ALLISON SKIBICKI

MATT WALTERS

ADVERTISING JOHN DUFFY

DARDASHIAN JOHNNY CIFELLI

GINO BAILEAU

LOUISE ZHANG SPECIAL THANKS

ALEXANDER STEMER

ANTONIA BIZIOS

JOHN BIZIOS

BIZIOS SISTERS

KENNETH CROWDER

GORDANA CULAFIC

MILORAD CULAFIC

POLLY KAPETANAKOS

KIRSTEN MICCOLI

MICHIGAN AVENUE MAGAZINE

MODERN NAILS

GORDANA RASIC

JENN RUPPERT

SOFIA SPENTZAS

OMAR VILLALOBOS

DREW SUDDRETH PUBLISHED BY 46 EAST

JOHANNA DRUCKER

PRESIDENT AND CEO ZAK STEMER COO KATERINA BIZIOS

HERCULES LOGOTHETIS MILO DUBAK DEMETRIOS DOUKAS THOMAS HINKAMP 8  IMPULSE 

FOR INFORMATION REGARDING ADVERTISEMENTS, PLEASE EMAIL ZAK.STEMER@SWMEDIALLC.COM. Those submitting manuscripts, photographs, or other content to SW Media for consideration, please do not send an original copy unless requested by SW Media to do so. The publisher and editors are not responsible for unsolicited material, and it may be edited as seen fit by SW Media.


Editor’s Letter

Fall Fearlessly In each day, there are moments that are, for lack of a better term, mindless. We find ourselves on autopilot, toiling to get through the hours. These are the moments that go by, wasted. Looking out my window, I already see the clouds darkening, the tree leaves seem chilled, the warm summer breeze now a crisp shiver. We must fight the urge to slip into the coziness of warm sweaters, comfort food and the inevitable autumn coma that seems to put our creativity on hold. It’s time to find our comfort zone and completely abandon it. During these few bleak months, it is our duty to rebel against the common, the mundane and the mindless. While creating this issue, we pushed ourselves beyond our own expectations. From finding the perfect clothes and accessories to match our new, lively and avant-garde mentality, to finding students on campus who aren’t satisfied with the daily status quo, we’ve done our best to fill our pages with innovation and inspiration. Look to campus’ most eccentric fashion photographer, Gino Baileau, to learn how to find the beauty in every person. With each click, click of his camera, Gino liberated his subjects, their photographs featured throughout this issue. On page, 11, Gino turns the camera on himself, giving us an exclusive peak into the peculiar and complex world of art that consumes his every thought. Jump into bed with The Sex Moans and find out how they’ve created a distinct new sound, a selftitled genre, “Rhythm & Bad-Ass.” These Battle of the Bands champs play gigs all around the C-U, and it’s finally time you hear them. Actor Robert Montgomery shows us his quirky side on page 14 and is determined to bring us something unique with every show. He teaches us how playing an unexpected supporting role beats out the standard leading man. No one better captures the theme of rebellion from mindless routines more than the darkly beautiful, fascinating Gordana Rasic. Gracing our cover this issue, we see the GOCA fashion designer spill her heart, soul and emotion into each of her designs, challenging everything that is ordinary. Reminiscent of Lady Gaga with a touch of the devilishly delightful Morticia Adams, Gordana’s strength and passion has helped her battle to bring her label to success. With an unwavering commitment to the art of design, Gordana comes out on top. She is the inspiration behind creating our fall fashion issue, helping push us to our creative edge and beyond. Follow Gordana’s lead. Be fearless, charge into the new, find the extraordinary and be sure that our moments aren’t wasted. Enjoy the issue,

TOP: IMPULSE staff MIDDLE: Antonia Bizios, Zak Stemer and John Bizios

Katerina Bizios Editor-in-chief

BOTTOM: Alexandra, Katerina, Demetra and Elitsa Bizios

IMPULSE   9


HIS

HERS

tWATCH OUT! The perfect timepiece for the stylish man is the redesigned Victorinox Swiss Army Original ($295). With its nylon band and lightweight aluminum bezel, it’s just as tough as you are. For the girl who wants to make a statement without being gaudy, check out Michael Kors’ ceramic watch ($450).

THRILLER, THINKER, STUNNER, SLYp Set in the Cold War era, Tinker Tailor Soldier, Spy thrills as espionage master George Smiley seeks to find the Soviet agent who has infiltrated the ranks of MI6. Out December 9.

EDITOR’S PICKS WARNING: DON’T DO THIS HOOKAH WHILE DRIVING YOUR PORSCHE. THAT JUST SEEMS PRETENTIOUS.

tGAGA FOR THE LADY On November 22, Lady Gaga and famed fashion photographer Terry Richardson are releasing a book, “Lady Gaga,” of over 350 photos Richardson took while following the artist for 10 months. pTHERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE By far the coolest thing we’ve ever seen, the sleek geniuses over at Porsche have designed their own shisha for smoking hookah. The price hasn’t been released, but given Porsche’s reputation, expect it to knock the smoky wind out of you.

pMOVES LIKE JAGGER The man who caused a cultural rock ‘n’ roll revolution as frontman for the Rolling Stones reveals all in his biography, “Jagger.”

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p24KT STYLE The new collection from Diesel’s Black Gold line is perfect mix of refined and rebellious. Our favorite men’s item? The Lemont leather jacket (pictured above).

pDUTCH DISTILLED AWESOME Ladies and gentlemen, please meet KRU 82, the new vodka straight from Holland. Packaged in an eco-friendly, reusable and über sleek titanium bottle, it’s how partiers can go green. Plus, at 82 proof, it packs a little more punch than those bottles of Burnett’s in your freezer.


Publisher’s Letter

TOP: Johanna Drucker, Aleksia Culafic, Melissa Worker, Katerina Bizios, Suzanne McMurray, Kim Lavelle, Katie Johnson, Abby Brandell, Arielle Einhorn, Kelsey Martin MIDDLE: Tati Harvel, Darija Vukanic, Stefania Culafic, Krstina Harvel, Tijana Vukanic, Ivana Vukanic BOTTOM: Milena and Jovana Maksimovic

Back on the Block And just like that, fall has returned to the beautiful ChampaignUrbana. As a senior, I can’t help but award this season more sentimental value than ever before. Although the firsts of the lasts have inevitably begun, and the trek from Seniorland to the quad is not for the faint of heart; I have to remind myself to slow down. Instead of contemplating the end of it all and the trajectory of my future career, it’s necessary to keep in mind that the cup holding my pumpkin spice latte is half full. When I was a freshman, I remember the first time I experienced the electric energy of this campus. It went hand in hand with Illini football season, solidifying the beginning of the beginning. I worried that the wave of excitement would, at some point during our time here, run dry or become stagnant. When I thought it couldn’t, each semester outdid the last. And when I thought they wouldn’t, invaluable opportunities, resources and friendships kept finding me. It kept getting better. The preparation of our second issue did just that. In continuing this enterprise, we found ourselves submerged in an ongoing process of inspiration, innovation and improvement. Like our clients Modern Nails and B Brian Atwood, IMPULSE Magazine has evolved. And with the introduction of SCOPE Magazine on the University of North Carolina campus, the StemerWithington Media family has expanded. In my opinion, we are given these four years for an outrageous process of trial and error. Through each experience, we figure out what works and what doesn’t. With each fall, we return in a quest to unearth the lay of the land. Regardless of what happens, we can be sure that the thrill of the adventure continues. In fact, I hope it never ends. Like you, IMPULSE is back on the block, better than ever. I hope you enjoy our issue, your barndances and this season. Best,

Aleksia Culafic IMPULSE   11


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Dept Section

Undeniably Gino

photograph by Gino Baileau Photography hair and set assistance by Oliver Bobadilla

Fashion’s freshest eye takes things to the next level Gino Baileau stands behind his Cannon 7D, pointing and shooting with his index finger, branded by a small tattoo that reads “liberate.” Retro circular sunglasses separate his face from the peep-hole, shading eyes filled with a vision of fashion and beauty—a vision “not earth-bound,” but of a world all his own. Just over a year ago, Baileau established his niche in the fashion and beauty industry as a photographer capturing stills that mirror his stylized imagination: glossy, plastic and undenaibly original. Concepts for shoots sprout from twisted phrases like “leather hair” or “marble eyes” inscribed in his notebook. His personal blog and networking pages overflow with photographs proving that everybody is beautiful at some point in their lifetime. Baileau has made it his calling to capture that beauty. “I like to create my own world and make people look the way I’d want them to look in my world,” Baileau said of his photography. “I think of myself as mechanical. I have this idea and I’m printing it out.” Baileau’s eccentric portfolio has caught the eye of Chicago publications and even the self-proclaimed Queen of Hollywood gossip, Perez Hilton, who billed Baileau as an up-and-coming fashion photographer. The newfound recognition in the fashion photography industry is surreal to Baileau—it inspires him to know that he’s inspiring others, he said. “Photography is the death of a moment—a moment you’re never going to get back,” Baileau said. “Freezing that moment in time … that’s where I get my high off of it.” Style-wise, Baileau looks to designer Alexander McQueen for inspiration. Mirroring his own work ethic, Baileau said that McQueen didn’t think about concepts much but rather had an idea and executed it. Baileau is also inspired by his favorite artist, Andy Warhol, and his ability to take something plain and make it incredible in his own way. Perhaps the most imperative source of inspiration for Baileau is a woman whose faith in him is boundless: his mother. As a single mother who has continued to sacrifice for Baileau and his sisters, she was supportive from the beginning, despite the risky nature of the industry. “She wakes up every morning to a job that she hates and always told me ‘Don’t do a job that you don’t love. Don’t worry about anything but your own happiness.’” Always self-assured, Baileau never frets the competiveness of his chosen business, claiming the only competition you should have is with yourself. For him, the only contest comes when his right hand gets jealous of his left. While his days at the University are spent shooting regularly for IMPULSE Magazine, Dollhouse Magazine, updating his blog, portfolio and media sites, Baileau has many aspirations for the future. “Twenty years from now I would hope to have created an empire for myself,” Baileau said. “I want people to look at a photo in a magazine and say, ‘Okay, that’s Gino Baileau, that’s a piece of his.’”

—JORDAN SWARD

IMPULSE   13


Ignite The Sex Moans

The Headliners The Sex Moans take the spotlight

Walk down Oregon Street into Urbana on any given night and you might just be lucky enough to hear the sounds of The Sex Moans booming from a certain house’s basement windows. After winning the university-wide Battle of the Bands competition, the gang is poised to take campus by storm, and if you haven’t heard them yet, you will soon. The group, composed of Brendan Doshi on the keyboard, Sam Cejtin strumming the bass, Will Cejtin rocking the guitar, UIUC graduate Tim Fodor on the drums, Mikael Templeton blasting the saxophone, and Shane Howarter with lead vocals and guitar, is at first glance, your standard mash up of chill never-makingit-out-out-of-the-garage musicians. But sit them down in front of their instruments and turn up the amps a bit, and the members of The Sex Moans lose their laid back party-boy image. Their chemistry is electric, their beats are addictive and their camaraderie is undeniable as they laugh and exchange encouraging looks while they play whether they’re on stage or just jamming in their basement. Drawing from Ska, reggae and jazz, The Sex Moans are an eclectic mix of madness and originality—a rare find in an industry dominated by auto-tuning and covers of the classics. “For us, playing [music] is all about pure enjoyment—just playing something that makes you feel good. It’s intuitive. It’s finding something that’s fun to play and sounds good to you,” said Will. When asked about the future of The Sex Moans, the band didn’t have any set goals in mind. They simply choose to stay focused on the reason why they became a band in the first place. Brendan put it best: “We are just letting things unravel as it goes. Sometimes if you have too many expectations, it can take away from why you’re really playing: just to have fun.” —LIZ FAERMARK

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Ignite The Sex Moans

PHOTO BY ALEC PIGNOTTI

IMPULSE   15


The Next Act

This C-U actor is one strange character Robert Montgomery strolled into the Courtyard Café sporting a cartoon cat face centered on his royal blue crewneck. Complimented by a bright purple Sox hat and black corduroy pants, his theater-student façade is completed with a quirky personality, which, he assures us, is partly due to his constant lack of sleep and excessive intake of caffeine. As IMPULSE sat down with Montgomery, his love for the spotlight shined in the way he told stories, noting between ramblings that, “If you think I’m nuts, I’m probably doing something right.” Acting is more than just a major in the Theater Department, it’s a lifestyle. As a senior in the BFA Acting Program, Montgomery describes his course of study as demanding, physically and mentally. “I can’t go to class and sit in the back, not say anything and not participate. I’ll get a chair thrown at me— probably literally,” said Montgomery. Montgomery chose acting as his career path when he was a sophomore in high school. Working on a production every night made him feel at home and cared for by a group of people. “I chose [acting] because I said to myself, ‘What do you want to do every day when you wake up?’ My answer was act,” said Montgomery. “That may have been a foolish, foolhardy, childish thing to say but I’ve taken ownership of it and here I am.” Since his dream of becoming an actor landed him in C-U, Montgomery has played Lenox in “Macbeth” and Nick Bottom in “A Mid Summer Night’s Dream,” among others. He prefers playing secondary character roles because they are often the comic relief. “Some people will make a living playing Romeo,” he said. “I wont . . . I don’t have the looks for it,” he jokes. Montgomery said that his goal as an actor is not to become the next James Franco, but to look at humanity and make something out of their stories. It’s about exploring the grey areas in situations that often appear in black and white. “All actors are a little bit crazy, that’s why we’re doing this,” said Montgomery of the hectic schedule of a theater student. With classes from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., followed by electives and rehearsals until 11 p.m., this Monday through Friday schedule leaves theater students thinking more about their futures rather than their next night out on Green Street. That might be fine, if the future were more promising. “American Theater is on life support after its fifth triple bypass,” said Montgomery. “You don’t get into the theater business for the money,” he adds. Ten years from now, if he is living in Chicago making enough to survive on professional theater, he will be happy. He’s not in it to be rich, he’s there to tell the stories of our culture, of our lives. The bright-eyed actor brilliantly advises people to “explore the world, look at things from different perspectives, and don’t ever stop questioning,” before parting with his final words, “you think I’m nuts and I’ve still had too much coffee.” —JORDAN SWARD

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photograph by

Gino Baileau Photography


Dept Section

Champaign Nightlife 101

Your guide to campus’ most underrated bars by Samantha Wagner Fire Station Pizza and Pub: This campus newbie opened in Spring 2011 and its claim to fame is its closing time — 3 a.m. While bartenders don’t serve alcohol after 2 a.m., the kitchen stays open, serving up almost any type of drunk food your heart could desire. Just order a pizza and a few pitchers at 1:45 a.m., and you’re set. Geovanti’s Bar and Grill: Geo’s is probably known better for its food than its bar, but enough students go there to drink for it to be worthy of this list. Geo’s basement bar is known for karaoke, live bands and we’re not sure what else… But the kitchen serves up greasy goodness in all its glory late into the night. Legends: This bar is one of the best places to go for food and drinks while watching a game. On Tuesdays, students go to Ride the Rail. It’s simple: The bartender gives you a punch card and you complete it by having every beer on tap three times each, plus three Guinnesses and three mixes. If you finish, you get a t-shirt and your name on a plaque — just don’t try to do it all in one night. Fat City Bar and Grill: Fat City should probably be called Senior City, as most of the bar-goers are upperclassmen. While the bar is farther from the center of campus, it has great outdoor seating and few underclassmen. It’s a great place to go to if you’re looking for a night without the crowd, at a bar where your feet don’t stick to the floor. Illini Inn Mug Club: It’s one of the oldest, smallest bars on campus, but don’t overlook its popularity. Joining the Illini Inn mug club is at the top of every senior’s bucket list — all you have to do is chug a mug of beer and you’re in, membership card and all. This bar is perfect for a low-key night with a few friends. Murphy’s Pub: This bar is the only Irish pub on campus. With great food and a wide variety of beers, Murphy’s is busy all day long. Of all the bars on campus, you’re most likely to spot a Graduate student here.

Good beer Good food Kitchen open late

INDULGE

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Shack Pack

Ladies, never leave home without it by Your Gay Best Friend

O

ne of my proudest feats so far in my college career is that I’ve managed to collect a group of girls – ranging from moderately attractive to obnoxiously gorgeous – that have helped me navigate my way through the undergrad party scene. Together we’ve worked out a formula for a cost-effective, booze-filled night where we both end up hammered, and usually one of us gets laid (not with each other, of course). But then there are those nights were things go horribly wrong. You know those nights: You and your band of girlfriends stumble out of a campus bar after 2 a.m., only to realize that one of them has gone missing, and then you spend the rest of the walk home drunk texting every boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/hook-up buddy that she could be possibly be shacking up with until you decide “Fuck it, she’s on her own,” then pass out on your bed. I’ve had plenty of these nights and wake up (hungover) to an inbox full of “OMG wake up plz, help!” texts. I panic, naturally, and call back to find out my hottie girlfriend woke up in a stranger’s apartment in frat park, still wearing her 4-inch stripper heels and cocktail dress. Next comes the plea to pick her up so she won’t have to face the cat calls from bros walking to their 9 a.m. classes as she leaves the apartment. As a dear, gay best friend who wants nothing but the best for all of my friends, I’d like to say this: Don’t be that girl. Seriously, the last thing I need to be worried about while fighting a brutal hangover is you looking like a haggard prostitute walking down Armory. I’ve noticed recently that campus girls stroll around bars with these oversized clutches big enough to fit an infant, and I realized that these would make the perfect anti-shacker-look-kit, saving me and many any other gay-best-friends from sleepless mornings. So I’ve talked to shacker gurus, (girls who know how to get it in and get out discreetly), and with their expertise I was able to put together a list of the “must-haves” this season for your morning-after-clutch.

HYGIENE Hangovers bring about a lot of things, like cotton mouth—you know, that dry, parched feeling you get in the morning no matter how many gulps of water you take, and it doesn’t smell very pleasant either. A quick gargle of LISTERINE would do just the trick, at least until you get to your own bedroom. If you’re visually impaired, it’s best to keep a PRE-FILLED NEW SOLUTION CONTACT CASE for when you wake up. Once your beer goggles come off and you put your contacts back in, you’ll soon get a 20/20 look at that guy you shacked with the night before, and why it’s best to leave this as a one-time deal.

Clean underwear

Listerine

Bring CLEAN UNDERWEAR. Do I really have to explain this?

Pre-filled new solution contact case

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$1 Flip-flops


Intoxicate Shacking Up

APPEARANCE No matter how fabulous you thought your hair looked the night before, that cramped, humid campus bar that you spent hours juking at coupled with a long night of shacking probably left your hair looking like a hot, frazzled mess. Tame that lion’s mane with a HAIR TIE, and pull it back into a ponytail. You’ll thank me later. “When you wake up after fucking, your mascara is smeared and your foundation looks blotchy, which probably means you look like a crack whore,” said one of my more articulate girlfriends. Let’s face it: Not a lot of women besides Ke$ha can wear smokey eyes before sundown, so a quick trip to the bathroom with some toilet paper and MAKEUP REMOVER is a must.

Hair ties

Number for a taxi service

SAFETY For the love of God, don’t lose your BLACKBERRY at the bar. What if the guy you go home with just loves to collect women in his freezers? Yeah, that exists. Call a taxi, you don’t want Buffalo Bill knowing where you live.

You just spent a night at a sweaty, hot campus bar and then you went to a guy’s (probably filthy) place and got even hotter and sweatier. Spray some PERFUME so you don’t smell as bad as you feel on the inside.

On a similar note to not forgetting your cell phone, make sure you have the number of a reliable TAXI SERVICE saved in it. Preferably one that takes credit cards in case you blew all your cash on dietbreaking drunk food.

Nothing screams “Shacker!” quite like a girl teetering down the uneven sidewalks on 4th St. in four-in pumps, so pack some $1 FLIP-FLOPS to walk home in. And if your dress isn’t too skanky, people might assume that you’re all dressed up for Sunday mass. Ironic isn’t it?

Blackberry

GENERAL PREPAREDNESS

Phone charger Perfume

Plan B

There’s nothing worse than waking up to find that your phone is dead and you can’t find your way home. Bring a small CELL PHONE CHARGER just in case. But seriously, don’t call me. I’m probably sleeping. Lady Chastity’s first rule of shacking is “no glove, no love.” If you managed to forget that, then there’s still hope. In 2006, PLAN B was approved by the FDA for nonprescription access to girls over 17. Plan B is an emergency contraceptive pill that could prevent pregnancy if taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, but you’re better off sticking to regular birth control and condoms. Don’t ever make Plan B your Plan A.

Makeup remover

IMPULSE   19


INTOXICATED

IMPULSE 1


Posh Accessories

PHOTO BY EMILY NYCUM

FOREVER 21 GEO TRIANGLE EARRINGS, $4.80; FOREVER 21.COM

PAMELA LOVE TRIBAL SPIKE CUFF, $175; AVAILABLE WORLDWIDE AT NET-A-PORTER.COM

The “It Bag” ANTHROPOLOGIE ‘LILAKAI’ SCARF, $175; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM

ANTHROPOLOGIE ‘PENOBSCOT’ BELT, $48; ANTHROPOLOGIE.COM

A TRIBAL PRINT MESSENGER BAG, PAIRED WITH NATIVEINSPIRED ACCESSORIES, SENDS JUST THE RIGHT SIGNALS THIS FALL 7 FOR ALL MANKIND ‘RUBY’ SANDAL, $255; NORDSTROM.COM

RUNWAY INSPIRATION

MODEL EMILY HOPPER WEARS A STARING AT STARS TOP ($49), BDG CIGARETTE HIGH-RISE JEAN ($58), URBAN OUTFITTERS CEREMONY NECKLACE ($39), URBAN OUTFITTERS ‘ECOTE’ MESSENGER BAG ($59); URBANOUTFITTERS.COM, AND ALDO ‘ERCK’ SANDALS ($110); ALDO.COM AND ALDO STORES.

PROENZA SCHOULER

IMPULSE   21


Connect the Dots Polka dots add a signature pop from head to toe

DVF

STELLA MCCARTNEY

MARC JACOBS

TOPSHOP POLKA DOT FLAT TOP SUNGLASSES, $32; TOPSHOP.COM

ZARA POLYESTER POLKA DOT TOP, $59.90; ZARA.COM

ASOS LONG SPOT CLUTCH, $34.48; ASOS.COM

WOLFORD NYLON BONNY POLKA-DOT TIGHTS, $62; AVAILABLE WORLDWIDE @ NET-A-PORTER.COM

TOPSHOP POLKA DOT BOW HEADBAND, $20; TOPSHOP.COM

TOPSHOP VISCOSE-AND-POLYESTER SPOT SHIRT DRESS, $60; TOPSHOP.COM

TOPSHOP VISCOSE TROUSERS, $90; TOPSHOP.COM

ASOS ‘MIKEY’ SHOES, $54.89; ASOS.COM

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Impress Makeup

The Fall of Beauty

Put your best face forward with IMPULSE's autumn musthaves. The beauty world shines with metallics and deep, rich jewel tones. by Amanda Liberatore

Foil colored shadow is sure to be a showstopper this season. Apply it to the inner corners of your eyes for a shimmery pop, or create a fierce, futuristic look by swiping it across the crease of your lid. Metallic lids are a sure-fire way to look smoking hot for a night out. Try a pigmented silver color, like Lancôme Color Design Eyeshadow in Style Section. $17.00, www.lancome-usa.com

There are a select few things that no sensible college girl should leave the house without. One of those things is, without a doubt, the perfect lipgloss. It’s a lifesaver, a girl’s best friend (especially when it shines like diamonds) and is essential to complete any polished look. Chanel’s Levres Scintillantes Glossimer in Myriade is a gorgeous rose color accented with a light shimmer finish to give your lips the perfect hue. $28.50, www.chanel.com

This season is all about heavy metals, so spread a gilded gold shadow across your lids for a heavy, dramatic effect. For an ethereal, glowy look, dot the inner corners of your eyes with this shade. Try using a pressed powder for this look, such as Dior Powder Mono Eyeshadow in Bronzy Night. $30.00, www.dior.com

Make your eyes smolder like fall's cool, crisp nights around the bonfire. A look like this can only be achieved by using eyeliner, preferably in jet black or dark brown. Give the smoky eye a try by tracing your lashes with liner and using tissue or a cotton swab to smudge the edges. If you are trying to find a liner that is up to the task, MAC Eye Kohl in Teddy will do the trick. $14.50, www. maccosmetics.com

IMPULSE   23


Impress Makeup

The subtle mystery of jewel tones neatly complements the intrigue of fall. Deep purple nails look darkly romantic, deeply dramatic and effortlessly chic next to any outfit. One perfectly purple polish that is sure to catch anyone’s attention is Essie’s Damsel in a Dress. $8.00, www.essie.com

Inevitably, all eyeshadows crease, wear off and dull over the course of any given day. Avoid this annoying atrocity by layering a cream primer before you apply your eyeshadow. Primer will prevent the shadows from creasing, blending together, or rubbing off—pretty much amazing. Primer will come in handy during any unpredictable weather conditions that may cause any potential makeup fiascos. We recommend Urban Decay’s Eyeshadow Primer Potion in Sin. Try it on for size and prepare to be amazed. $19.00, www.urbandecay.com

With the right shade of blush, you can get a sweet-cheeked glow. If you prefer crème blushes over powder, rub a pink cheek stain into the apples of your cheeks for a permanent flush. Otherwise, lightly dust a powdered blush over your cheeks for a warm, rosy look. NARS Powder Blush in Orgasm is the perfect shade for fall. It has a peachy-pink hue and also has flecks of gold shimmer. $27.00, www.narscosmetics.com

With the right shade of lipstick, a girl can conquer the world. Take this to heart when selecting the perfect lip color to compliment your looks during the autumn season. The key to wearing lipstick is to select a shade that coincides with your skin tone and hair color. Choose a warm, vibrant hue, like deep red or rose. Sport a shade like Shu Uemura’s Rouge Unlimited Crème Matte in 165m and transform into an instant sexpot. $24.00, www.shuuemura-usa.com

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Coordinate your metallic lids with your nails by painting them a shiny and chic metallic shade. You can either go for the gold or strive for silver when picking out polishes. If you want to break away from the metallic mainstream, try sporting an olive shade that mixes the two hues together. Achieve this color scheme with Butter London's Nail Lacquer in Wallis. $14.00, www. butterlondon.com


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A well-fitted t-shirt and jeans can be fashionably nonchalant if done right. Contrast a muted tee with strikingly blue jeans for a look that pops. T-shirt by Urban Outfitters, $24 Jeans by Raleigh Denim Jeans, $250

Color Me Cool

Tone down the bright colors for more muted fall shades. Follow Brian Fried’s lead and you’ll always look like you’ve got game, whether you’re on the field or in the stands photographs by David Chou SCOPE || 25


A rock ‘n’ roll t-shirt in a bright color brings an “I do what I want” attitude to your look. Pair with a matching belt and dark jeans for style that always wins, even if your team doesn’t. t-shirt and belt by

Urban Outfitters, both $24 Jeans by Raleigh Denim, $285 sneakers by

$138

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Camper,


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Throw a cable knit sweater over a dress shirt to tone down the look for fall. We love blue on blue with a cableknit sweater from Banana Republic ($150) and a slimfit dress shirt by Culturata ($142).

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Go-Go Gadgets

APPS

All the tech toys and apps that keep a college guy on the move by Zak Stemer and Patrick Light

t Trying to type—or worse, scribble—fast enough to keep up with your rambling history professor is a thing of the past. With Dragon Dictation, just start the app and it will type everything it hears. Downside: It uses spoken punctuation commands, so unless your prof ends every sentence saying “period,” be prepared for one long sentence.

GAMING

Free at Apple’s App Store

t Everything is better augmented, and that’s no jab at the bustless babe down the hall. Meet augmented reality apps like Wikitude. Look through your phone’s camera and it will show you links, directions, photos and even which of your friends are chilling nearby. Free at Apple’s App Store

MUSIC t Life on the cloud can be a glorious thing, and Spotify soars above the other options (we’re talking to you, Amazon). If you score an invitation, you can register for a free account with radiostyle ads, or a premium ad-free account. Sure, you might not get your obscure DJ remixes, but with their 15 million song library, you’ll probably be in heaven.

p Let us just say that, while we love dedicated portable gaming systems like the Nintendo 3DS—3D and no glasses? How cool is that!—it’s time to economize. The new Sony Ericsson XPERIA Play is the new Android-powered smart phone and Playstation rolled into one. It’s sleek, it’s sexy (and as a gaming addict, you’re going to need all the help you can get in that department) and it’s got that big, beautiful touch screen. Just don’t game and drive, it’s Oprah’s new pledge. $99.99 at verizonwireless.com

E-READERS u Meet Kindle: The Next Generation. With the release of the new Kindle Fire and Kindle Touch, Amazon proves that it knows its customer. Perfect for music, movies and books, the Fire combines beauty, ease of use and affordability, but sacrifices features like 3G capability (it only works with WiFi) and a camera. The Touch focuses on ergonomic simplicity. It has the same antiglare screen designed for easy, comfortable reading for the true bookworm.

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Free, $4.99 or $9.99 per month depending on package.

$199 at amazon.com

$99 at amazon.com


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wanna see someone fly? order from the jj delivery guy! doug d. - lyons, il

AMERICA’S FAVorite sandwich delivery guys!™

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Unshaven but Razor Sharp No-Shave November is a controversial topic, but if you decide to ditch the Gillette for a month, here’s how to stay smooth. by Amanda Liberatore

CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF Before you commit to anything or sign any blood covenants with your frat brothers, just ask yourself if you can even grow a beard. A thick but patchy beard is going to make you look more like a deranged hobo than a sexy lumberjack. TRAIL BLAZING If you’re a guy with chest hair that, if left unchecked, will approach your neckline, do not, I repeat: Do not, participate. If you can run your finger from your chin to your ankle without touching a hairless patch of skin, abort mission. No one wants to hook up with a Wookie.

NEXT TO BURLY GODLINESS

I think that I can speak on behalf of all the ladies out there when I say that we will never understand the motivation behind some of the off-thewall, strange and just plain repulsive things that men choose to do. One of these is their participation in the infamous tradition of No-Shave November. For those who live underneath a rock and don’t know about the infamous NoShave, allow Urban Dictionary’s definition of the custom to enlighten you:

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“No-Shave November is a tradition in which you don’t shave any hair off of your body. Instead, you grow more bestial, brutish, and manly. This celebration of masculinity ends on December 1st, when it becomes acceptable to shave again.” After reading this definition, my interest in this “celebration of masculinity” increased and I started to wonder what other guys and girls thought about it. Here are some of their responses:

“If the women don’t participate, meaning that they shave everything, I’m okay with NoShave November. Once, I was with this woman who participated in ‘No-Shave January-December.’ When anybody ever says her name, it conjures up very traumatic and furry images. My friends and I still call her Chewbacca.” -Stephen Emmons “Nothing says manly man like a face full of burly, untamed, wild hair. Yum! Clean, stubble-free faces are for 5 year olds. All the scruff needs is a plaid shirt, a douse of campfire smell, and you’ve got a sexy lumberjack. No one says no to the sexy lumberjack. No one.” -Maggie Puniewska

“It’s totally unhygienic and icky and gross. We’re not cavemen anymore. Shave that shit.” -Christian Gollayan “I do enjoy men with facial hair, but an entire month of no shaving is ridiculous! Gentlemen, please, this is college and you’re in your prime. It’s all down hill from here, and honestly, women want to see your face, not a preview of what you’re going to look like at 40.” -Riva Budowsky “It’s a non-issue for me. I can’t even grow facial hair. Puberty fail.” -Will Burke

Keeping your burly beard tidy is an absolute essential. When girls say they love beards, the word “clean” is implied. Regular soap will leave behind residue and shampoo will dry out your skin. Invest in Bluebeards Original Beard Saver. It’s got soothing aloe to keep your face soft and prevent itching as you grow out your beard. It also contains essential oils to break down and wash out anything that might be trapped in your scruff. Bluebeards Original Beard Saver ($24). bluebeardsoriginal.com


BULLETIN D.G. STENHOUSE ON ICONS ²  AUSTIN PAULIK ON FOOD ² ²    LADY CHASTITY ON SEX    RYAN HOUGHTON-BERRY ON SPORTS

dg stenhouse says goodbye to our generation’s greatest trio

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BULLETIN ICONS

Harry Potter’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

A tribute to the three greatest wizards we’ve ever known. by Daisygreen Stenhouse I watched the last Harry Potter film on the largest IMAX screen in the world. Yes, you should be incredibly jealous. Three girls in front of me were dressed up as Fluffy the three-headed guard dog (they shared one very large, three-headed T-shirt, down which I’m sure they lost tons of popcorn). Although some moviegoers were full-on grown-ups, most were about college-aged. And when the credits rolled, nearly all were speechless. Harry Potter is over. Our generation was captivated for thirteen years by books, and then films, about wizards. But as my very wise roommate once said, “It’s so much more than that.” I don’t remember a time when the next Harry Potter book and/or movie wasn’t coming out.

Our parents had The Beatles; we had Harry Potter. There will be other popular book-seriesturned-film-phenomena, but Harry Potter is untouchable. He’s magic.

And now my eight-year-old brother will read the books, and watch the movies, and I’m sure he’ll like them plenty, but he won’t live them like we did. When he’s done with one book, he’ll grab the next one off our bookshelf. He didn’t scavenge in Turkey for an English copy of The Prisoner of Azkaban. He wasn’t traumatized by the sight of our parents had pillaged shelves the day after The Goblet of Fire came out. He THE BEATLES; didn’t stand in multiple lines for multiple hours to get good seats we had at every midnight showing. He HARRY POTTER. has never seen a Harry Potter movie in theaters. His version of there will be other Harry Potter is seven books and popular bookeight DVDs stacked neatly on a bookshelf at home. series-turned-filmphenomena, but

For him, there’s a sliver of I remember buying Harry space between each of them; for HARRY POTTER IS Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone us, those slivers were the years UNTOUCHABLE. at my elementary school’s spent waiting, imagining— book fair. I remember Ms. Sal growing up. Some of us started HE’S MAGIC. reading it aloud to us in fourth reading it before we could grade. I remember the dozens really even read, we saw the of Halloween costumes every first movie a decade ago before year. I remember the gargantuan pile of Amazon any cast members were hot, and (for most of us) and Barnes and Noble boxes outside the main before we really thought anyone was hot. office at my summer camp the morning of the last book's release, and how dinner that night was And now we hang up posters in our dorm silent, save for the occasional gasp. I remember rooms, join the Quidditch team, or let our the loudspeaker announcement that every camper roommates think we’re listening to music when had to attend that evening’s activity, and that all really it’s the sixth book on tape. And while we Harry Potter books were to be left in the bunks. I love college, most people I know would trade remember my best friend finding the loophole— whatever acceptance letters they got for that one faking sick and reading in the infirmary. letter from Hogwarts.

FOOD

The Seven Deadly Snacks

Cut these foods out of your diet. Now. by Austin Paulik This article takes three minutes to read or ten seconds to skim, so listen up. Most of us are trying to be efficient in classes, with time (so we can party), and money (hopefully). So why not be as skilled with our diet? Every day we eat or drink these things and never give it a second thought, but these are the hidden devils in your diet. It’s time to exorcise the demons, so grab some holy water and watch your neck. Just remember RESCUE ME. Well, not me, but yourself.

1. Reduced Fat Labels

If the item is reduced in fat, guess what the fat is replaced with? More sugar or salt! Is there less fat? Yes. It is better for you? It’s probably worse.

2. Excess Salt

People should only have around 1 teaspoon or 2,300mg of sodium/day. Excess salt contributes to heart disease! If your taste buds enjoy the extra kick of flavor, opt for pepper.

3. Soda (Even diet, sorry)

Regular soda contains outrageous amounts of sugar. Enough said. Diet sodas contain artificial sweeteners, like aspartame. Aspartame is 200 times sweeter than table sugar (sucrose). Artificial sweeteners can lead to migraines and depression.

4. Coffee

Coffee is a very acidic diuretic (causes dehydration). Coffee also magnifies stress and anxiety. Not something I need.

5. Unconscious Over-Use of Salad Dressing

Put your dressing to the side and dip your fork into it for the added zip- the best calorie saving trick I know!

6. Energy Drinks (Especially with booze) These drinks over-stimulate your body. They cause racing hearts, hypertension and messed up sleep cycles. Plus excess sugar + caffeine + alcohol leads to a killer hangover.

7. Mayonnaise

Does nothing but add unnecessary calories. Use regular or spicy mustard instead.

8. Empty Stomach

Not eating is never healthy. Eat smart and if you’re going to diet, please never do the cayenne pepper and maple syrup cleanse. If you rescue your body, it will respond back with resounding thank you’s. Plus you’ll sleep better and have more energy. Learn a new language or something.

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SEX

SPORT

By this point, things should be getting steamy. Any clothes that aren’t gone need to go. Fellas, grab her and put her on top of you. Kiss down her neck and around the contours of her breasts. Ladies, buck around and let him know he’s on the right track. Throw your head back, close your eyes, and lose control.

“Play” by David Banner

This song is all about making a woman happy. Gents, don’t forget the importance of foreplay. F.Y.I. that thing about the back of a woman’s knees being an erogenous zone is false; spend your time elsewhere.

A Brit’s perspective on the world’s past time by Ryan Houghton-Berry

to go an hour

WITHOUT MENTIONING SOME ASPECT OF SOCCER is pretty much a

WASTE OF AN HOUR

What I missed most about England as a freshman last year was the constant chatter about soccer that you encounter anywhere you go in London. My best friends there are all huge soccer fans, and to go an hour without mentioning some aspect of soccer was not just an extremely infrequent occurrence, but pretty much a waste of an hour. The so-called “Big 4”—football, baseball, basketball and hockey—are great in many ways, but what they will never do is unite the world in the way that soccer (if I must call it that) does. The fact that England has 92 professional soccer teams in a land mass smaller than North Carolina goes some way to show how important it is there. The reason I never tell people that soccer is my favorite sport is that to me, and billions of others around the world, it’s more than a sport. It’s a way of life. It’s so ingrained in English culture, and the culture of countries all

This song says everything you want to say. Ladies, take a little control and lead your man onto the bed. Unbutton his shirt and run your fingers gently over his chest down to his waistline. Men, kiss her lips, move down her neck and around her collarbone.

“Motivation” by Kelly Rowland

One World Under Soccer Ask me what my favorite sport is and my answer will change. Sometimes I’ll pick tennis, other times golf, or basketball, or even rugby. I’m a huge sports fan, and basketball is my new crush. But there’s one sport it will never be able to match: football. I’m not talking about the ridiculous spectacle put on by weak-tackling, grossly over-paid giants a mere 16 times a year. I’m talking about real football. The football that you probably watch once every four years, enjoy for a few minutes, and then forget about. The one that has 208 national associations (there are only 195 countries in the world—Great Britain, for example, has four different associations) and attracts billions of TV viewers every year. The one you call soccer.

“Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye

“Ignition” by R. Kelly

Ladies, if he’s working hard to get you ready, you should consider returning the favor. Men, remember this song is by R. Kelly. Make sure your partner is over 18 or you’ll be committing the most ironic sex crime ever.

“Birthday Sex” by Jeremih

It’s time for the main event. Start slow and sensuous. Men, pay attention to her body. When she arches her back or moans, you’re doing something right.

Hot Tracks

The best songs to set the mood Ladies and gentlemen, sex is all about the rhythm. If that’s news to you, then you probably need to schedule a one-on-one appointment with me for some after-hours tutoring. To help set the beat for your night, I’ve decided to open up and share my favorite songs to get down and dirty to. Whether it’s a special moment or a fun night of rapturous, sweaty, claw-marked passion, throw on these tunes and you can go all night.

“Mesmerized” by Ja Rule

This is the perfect song to start setting the mood. Men, gently caress her face before slowly pulling her in with a kiss. Bonus points if it’s actually your birthday.

over the world, that I cannot imagine life without it. Every Saturday, millions of English people plan their day around the 3 p.m. kick-off. I have heard 90,000 fans chanting a player’s name in unison at the top of their lungs or howling derision at the referee. I have witnessed the pain and utter despair of 50 million English people united after

“Gettin’ Some Head” by Shawnna

The best sex is always a little bit adventurous. Never get caught in a dull routine. Mix up the positions. If you’re usually more submissive, try to be more assertive and take the reins.

“BedRock” by Young Money and Lloyd

Find your rhythm but mix up the forcefulness. I love it when a man can make the headboard rock, but no one loves a solid 30 minutes of jack hammering. Take it easy sometimes.

“S&M” by Rihanna

A basic knowledge of S&M should be in every great lover’s repertoire. Plain and simple, primal is sexy. Tug at hair, gently bite and leave some scratch marks. If you find you like it, pull out some cuffs or rope and get tied up. Important tip: Never forget the safe word.

“All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled

Could there be a better song to listen to immediately after climax? When this tune plays after a sweaty hour of rolling around, I just want to high-five myself.

being dumped out of the World Cup (yet again). These displays of passion, so prevalent all over the world, are what make soccer untouchable as by far the greatest sport (and source of entertainment) of our time. I guess what I’m really trying to say is: Give it a chance. Americans are finally starting to get it. Walking down the streets you could hear the chanting in American pubs during the last World Cup. You’ve dipped your toe in, now take the plunge. Pick a team (preferably a British one, but no pressure), and follow it. Live it. Breathe it. Yeah, that’s soccer.

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The Lady

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Emerging fashion designer Gordana Rasic is a force to be reckoned with. As founder, president and head designer of her own label, GOCA, she has already debuted three collections since last fall. Gordana has made the streets of Champaign her runway, with her biology book and lab coat in tow.

Katerina Bizios photographs by Kirsten Miccoli words by

Wears it Well

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N

ew York Fashion Week ready, with liquid black lips, a slicked jet-black bob and John Lennon inspired shades, Gordana Rasic attends her classes as a style maven. But it’s not just fashion on her mind, Gordana is an aspiring neurosurgeon. Double majoring in molecular cellular biology and anthropology with minors in Chemistry and LGBT Queer Studies, she is unstoppable. Into her final year of college, she’s already shown the MCAT who’s boss, but plans to reserve the year after graduation to develop GOCA. In this time, she also wants to revive her passion for science before she begins medical school. Gordana has been on my radar since last spring, when she showcased her Rust & Stardust collection at U of I’s rendition of Fashion Week, College Couture. With an effortless element of mystery, grace and maturity that accompanies Gordana’s work, her star-studded potential was undeniable. Moments after her show concludes, Gordana humbly accepts my offer to grace IMPULSE Magazine’s fall cover. The audience erupts in cheers as she looks on, radiating a sense of accomplishment and excitement. Since that day, Gordana has been a joy to work with; a quality that is hard to come by in the fashion business. Instead, Gordana believes that her work will speak for itself. “People who are truly successful don’t have an ego because at the end of the day they just care about doing their work and enjoying their lives. ” Gordana credits a large part of her success to a solid relationship with her business partner Omar Villlalobos. “He is truly a beautiful soul,” she says. “He’s one of the few that I can confidently say understands me.” When asked if she thought about having a fashion-driven career prior to college, she responds with a giggle, “Absolutely not, never. I was a different person back then.” But you wouldn’t think that watching Gordana work the camera at our Old Town cover shoot in Chicago. She catches the attention of those walking by as they curiously gravitate toward us, asking which celebrity is being photographed on North Wells Street. Like a pro, Gordana ignores everything going on around her and continues with the shoot. She is an artist in her element, her energy and focus are on point. She now looks to designers like Alexander McQueen, Vivienne Westwood, Jeremy Scott and even Lady Gaga as cultural icons that inspire her. “If you’re not expressing who you envision you are, then it’s kind of a betrayal to yourself. I started wishing I could take on certain characters and personas like Lady Gaga does and live every day like it’s a story or a fairytale.” And that’s exactly what she’s done with her collections. The day of our interview, Gordana arrives to my apartment, she looks the part, dressed in a black chiffon shirt, skeleton crossbow scarf and trousers, paired with classic stilettos. Complementing her shirt, she responds, “Girl, I got it from H&M, it was cheap.” She loves affordable fashion and isn’t afraid to admit it. It’s the first time I see her with her new dark ‘bob,’ a change since

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we had our photo shoot, her porcelain complexion on display. Cutting and donating her luscious locks was a bold style choice, but more than that, an empowering experience. In true Gordana form, this move was one to inspire and encourage women not to disguise their insecurities by hiding behind trivial things. As she sits down we begin catching up. Sipping her Diet Coke, she exudes a strong, yet comfortable presence. In and out of laughing, the conversation shifts and Gordana’s sweet persona changes. On her walk to my apartment, a group of guys heckled her with derogatory comments, an experience that would have sent most girls home crying. In recounting the incident, Gordana shrugs it off with a rare confidence, one of her most endearing qualities. We began talking about her perception of fashion and her collections. “Fashion is the combination of all art worlds coming together. You see the makeup artists, the modern day Pablo Picassos. You see the models are modern day Martha Grahams doing their dance on the catwalk. You see runway directors being the ones who choreograph this dance. You have hair stylists, the modern day sculptors, creating all sorts of shapes and textures. You see the designer basically being the playwright and being the modern day Shakespeare.” A Shakespeare herself, Gordana started sewing her first line, Naditu, last Fall. Inspired by the oppressed women of the Mesopotamian and Sumerian eras, she carved a deeper meaning from the history books. While these women are often categorized as prostitutes who abandoned their children to collect land and money, the clothing collection glorifies them. Gordana wanted Naditu to prove that perception is everything. “My whole label emphasizes duality and ambiguity. All reality is perception of the individual. With Naditu, I wanted to show a commentary on society. From one viewpoint you get a criticism that can affect how the rest of the world judges you. I thought this was so interesting, to see how your perspective can change everything.” Learning more than just the mechanics of fashion through her first collection, Gordana grasped the meaning of the fashion industry and was hooked instantly. “People just see fashion as a very bourgeois part of society that is entirely about being pretty, being thin and having long legs, it’s surrounded by a culture that is all about the materialistic. And that’s truly not what fashion is. So many people disregard the behind the scenes work; seeing how all these different aspects of art together.” Just a few months after her first line debut it was time for Spring’s Rust & Stardust collection. And now, her current Fall/Winter collection, Anatomy of the Human Soul, is a pure fusion of her two worlds-fashion


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and medicine. With this collection she faces a new type of deadline. Growing up in a traditional and strict Serbian household, fashion and the pursuit of art was never encouraged. Gordana quietly describes her upbringing and difficult relationship with her father as almost to the brink of hatred. Things began to change in their relationship last May under extraordinarily difficult circumstances when Gordana’s father was diagnosed with cancer and given only six months to live. “It’s been hard, but I came to terms with it…I said my goodbyes. Because he got sick I have the relationship I always wanted with my father, but now there’s a time limit. I always end the conversation as if it were our last.” After aggressive chemotherapy over the summer, doctors prolonged his life, but Gordana adds, “there are no guarantees.” Questioning where science ends and philosophy begins, Gordana’s fall line allows her to showcases what it means for an organ to be vital. Desperate to make her father proud in the time he has left, she designed the pieces in her mind. “I asked myself, if my dad wasn’t battling cancer, would certain organs still be vital? Of course you have the heart, you have the brain, you have your immune system, which are all vital in different aspects. Then, I started thinking about your ability to walk. If you cannot walk or have the ability to feel the grass under your feet, some people may consider you to be soulfully dead. That’s when I knew I found the meaning.” Gordana uses her experiences, both negative and positive, as an opportunity to challenge the established notions that exist in her world. With Anatomy of A Human Soul her understanding of life, death and what you need in between are on display. “If you have your eyes, you have the ability to see. They are vital because you see the beauty around you. Sometimes your lips, because you’re able to kiss the one you love…your hands, because you can feel your way around the world. They are vital because you can experience life through your touch.” This is a collection that will undoubtedly stay with Gordana forever. Day in and day out she works tirelessly to bring success to her label to show her father what she’s capable of. And that hard work has paid off. After being featured on Elle.com, putting on fashion shows throughout Chicago and even doing charity work with the Make A Wish Foundation, Gordana is poised to take the limelight at Chicago’s Latino Fashion Week in November. While looking forward to the trip, Gordana promises one thing. No matter where her fashion career takes her, she will always stay true to her Chicago roots. “I’m going to open a boutique on Fifth Avenue and Michigan Avenue, but I want our main spot to be in Chicago. I want people to recognize us as a fashion city and its slowly getting there. Not fast enough, but it’s getting there.” Defined by her huge heart, passion and selfless attitude, Gordana has a solid foundation as a designer. A foundation that builds on her humble reputation, authentic work and honor to her family. This is just the beginning of Gordana Rasic. Stay tuned.  40  IMPULSE 


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The fierce fashion you need 44  IMPULSE 


to survive in a modern jungle photographs by Gino Baileau hair and makeup by Kenneth Crowder modeled by Demetra Bizios and Joseph Van Hanovnikian IMPULSE   45


PREVIOUS SPREAD: ALDO SHOES. FOREVER 21 NECKLACE. GOCA BLOUSE AND SKIRT. PRICED UPON REQUEST THIS PAGE: JOHN VARVATOS PANTS OPPOSITE PAGE: STEVE MADDEN SHOES. FOREVER 21 EARRINGS. GOCA BANDEAU AND SKIRT. PRICED UPON REQUEST

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THIS PAGE: HE WEARS WRATH ARCANE JACKET. SEVEN JEANS.G-STAR BOOTS. SHE WEARS: CHARLES DAVID SHOES. BRAZA HOSIERY. GOCA DRESS AND TUTU. PRICED UPON REQUEST

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THIS PAGE: LIZ CLAIRBORNE VINTAGE SUNGLASSES. FOREVER 21 NECKLACE.

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American Dental Studios Dr. Jack Shepard (formerly D.D.S.)

THE CAND

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dr. jack shepard is

LOST IDATE by Timmy Knudsen IMPULSE   53


O

On the south end of Via delle Terme di Tito, in the center of Rome, there is an American dentistry office inconspicuously crammed on the ally-less street. Set a football field’s length north of the massive Roman Colloseum, American tourists walk by this office daily, easily distracted by the grandeur of Rome. The dentistry’s story is a

setting his sights on the White House. Shepard’s explanation as to why he was conducting a presidential campaign from halfway across the world was top secret. When the St. Paul Pioneer Press contacted Shepard, he claimed that “Jack Shepard is my legal name, but not my real name” and that “it is a felony to expose the identity of a clandestine CIA agent.” Skilled in spy-like doublespeak, Jack clarified, “I, like all others in my business, have to ask special permission to answer any questions. I have submitted your question, but have not heard anything. You clearly do not understand the crucial role I play in defending your freedom.’’ Message received: Jack Shepard is a modernday James Bond with political aspirations. Throw in the fact that he tweets and he’s a shoo-in to become the first double-0 president. Thankfully, instead of everyone automatically voting for Shepard because of his implied heroism, the same St. Paul newspaper decided to dig a little deeper. They thought they recognized his face from a couple strangely unforgettable stories in the Minnesota news some twenty years

Shepard that he had no history of mistreating any patients. That being said, they found that he has a “mental illness for which he sometimes refused to take medication.” The board warned Shepard that they planned to audit the records in his home office in order to verify certain claims for welfare reimbursement. The next day, the building had been completely torched. While unconfirmed, all signs seem point to him as the arsonist. Shortly after the blaze, a witness identified the man leaving the smoking building in a Corvette as Jack Shepard. Not eager to willfully serve time again, he immediately fled the country and has been a wanted fugitive ever since. Sometime between the mid to late 80s, Shepard arrived in Rome, with political aspirations and precisely zero attempts at changing his appearance in order to conceal his wanted identity.

JACK FOR PRESIDENT Planting his roots in Rome, Shepard has been the “Founder, Special Peace Envoy and Director

When asked why he was campaigning all the way from Rome, Jack claimed, “Jack Shepard is my legal name, but not my real name,” and that,

“IT IS A FELONY TO EXPOSE THE IDENTITY OF A CLANDESTINE CIA AGENT.” He continues, “You clearly do not understand the crucial role I play in defending your freedom.’’

political one and a criminal one. It’s the office of a candidate who is campaigning more than 3,000 miles out of place and is possibly the same distance out of his mind. Enter the blue-ribbon holder of campaigning crazy: American ex-pat and man-on-the-run, Jack Shepard. This is a man who since 2002 has campaigned four times to become a U.S. Congressman for Minnesota. This is a man who looked his congressional failures straight in the eye and, undeterred, decided to run for U.S. president in 2008. This is a man who has done his campaigning from Rome out of necessity, not for the scenery. Jack Shepard is simply fighting for the government, while escaping the law.

THE MAN FROM MINNESOTA Jack Shepard is not the main character from “Lost.” He’s about 30 years, 80 pounds and a receded hairline less attractive. Hailing from the greater Minneapolis area, this Jack is less known than his fictional counterpart but with a story that is nearly as tangled. His version of facts is spotty at parts, shaky through most and quite possibly a delusion. Overall, he would not have been the one to lead the island, which is a red flag that he’s probably not fit to lead our country. Starting in 2002 from Italy, Shepard began to run for Congress and failed repeatedly before

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earlier. Initially, Shepard denied having any connection. Yet, when the newspaper matched his picture, birthday and address with those listed on his campaign website, the international man of mystery was unmasked.

JACK AND JAIL In the late 70s and through the 80s, Dr. Jack E. Shepard was indicted for multiple crimes. Granted, the 80s were a weird time for everyone, we get that. The cocaine, neon jumpsuits and WHAM! music were enough to drive anybody crazy. But that defense won’t hold in court. In his inaugural arrest, Shepard was charged with criminal sexual conduct and drug possession. In 1979, he pled guilty in Hennepin County, Minnesota to the allegation he sexually assaulted a woman in her home with the front door nailed shut. Spiraling into a life of crime, Shepard was accused of threatening to kill an attorney. The two had been arguing over money when Shepard showed up at the attorney’s office with a handgun. Because of his strange conduct in his life outside the dental office, Shepard’s well-being began to be questioned. In 1982, the Minnesota Dentistry Board started looking into Shepard and his fitness to hold a dental license. During their investigation, it was reported by someone close to

of the People for Peace Group.” There is no substantial proof that the group is anything more than a feeble façade to promote Shepard as a peace-seeker and glorified humanitarian. A poorly assembled rouse, Shepard is using misleading publicity to strengthen his campaigns and weaken the idea that he is a criminal. The undeniable truth is that Shepard is a wanted felon. The only way that he would not be arrested immediately upon return to the United States is if he gets pardoned. The first way to accomplish a pardon is to simply ask for one. In 2006 after a couple election failures, Shepard began to repeatedly ask the Minnesota Board of Pardons to grant him relief from his incomplete felony charges so that he could “return to the country and campaign.” He has never been approved. Governors and presidents are the other officials with pardon power. However, in the event that your governor or president refuses to grant the reprieve, there is always the option of running for their office and pardoning yourself. For obvious reasons, this option is the road less traveled. But for Shepard, becoming president was seemingly a feasible idea. So with the ambitious zeal of a man without options, Shepard began campaigning. It’s difficult to follow the logic of Shepard all the way from inception to half-baked thought. It’s a mystery why his first few campaigns were


for Congress, in which he would never have been allowed to serve. It’s possible that he was campaigning to increase his name recognition and connections before the 2008 presidential election. However, judging by his crimes, he doesn’t really seem one for planning ahead. Judging by his actions, Jack Shepard is an enigma.

LEADING THE HERD In the pursuit of political office, Shepard has tapped into basically every form of social media. Twitter, Myspace, Facebook—you name it, Shepard’s got it. On Twitter he follows over 1800 people… that must have taken awhile. On Myspace his only friend is Tom, but he follows 18 people, including Justin Bieber, Liza Minnelli and Justin Timberlake. You can follow people on Myspace now? Weird. His Facebook presence is shockingly dismal. But really, who can keep up with that site these days? Shepard has published numerous articles on “Free Press Release,” an unregulated site dedicated to self-promotion. HIs articles have much more character than content, but grant some unique insight into the unstable mind that belongs to Jack Shepard. In a 2008 post on the site, Shepard knocked the reputation of primary Senate competitor Norm Coleman. Essentially calling him a Vietnam era “long haired hippy” who “dieted to fool his draft board that he was too skinny to fight,” Shepard claimed patriotic superiority…oops, rewind. Shepard, did you forget, you’re not allowed in the land of the free? Your passport didn’t. That same year, Jack switched from identifying as a life-long democrat to identifying as a “born-again republican.” Even with this change, Shepard’s liberal stance stayed firm with issues like gay marriage and abortion. Let’s not forget, in places like his home state Minnesota, claiming Jesus can help buy Republican votes no matter the candidate or position. Jesus, blogging and name calling all make a comeback in Shepard’s 2010 campaign against lawyer and U.S. House of Representatives candidate Teresa Collett. He first addresses Collett, as a “ho” and proceeds to compare himself to Jesus…talk about putting the petty in politics.

30 YEARS IN EXILE It’s clear that Shepard is unconventional. That also might be the biggest understatement this year. In hiding for almost 30 years, Shepard has escaped the consequences of his crime. Yet, for him, “hiding” consists of figuratively (and possibly literally) raising the middle finger to the whole legal system by aggressively campaigning in the most blatant and ridiculous manner. Now 64 years old, Shepard is evolving with his age. His most recent campaign is proof he is embracing pop culture. With the introduction of his musical “hit” single “Sweet Dreams are Made of This Leader”, he entered the 2010 campaign for Minnesota’s 4th Congressional District with a vengeance.

PHOTO-OP READY Dr. Jack Shepard promotes his humanitarian efforts through the

As we can remember from the attorney death threat incident, in his campaign agains Collett he didn’t want to simply defeat her, but to “eliminate her.” While not typical campaign jargon, we’ll overlook it and award bonus points for enthusiasm. Blasting Collett he said, “Jesus said of lawyers, ‘How can ye escape the damnation of hell?’ (Matthew). To complete the sourcing for him, it was Matthew 23:33. At the time this magazine went to press, the article has received a whopping 32 views. Shepard calls himself the “Missionary Man,” which presumably makes him feel justified in broad misinterpretations of the Bible. Jack’s circumstances may set him apart from other politicians, but he’s definitely got the slander thing down. Living in Rome has apparently influenced Shepard to ignore the religious “wall of separation.” Legally, the man should be stopped. It is mindboggling that Jack Shepard has not yet been extradited back to the United States for the simple failure to appear in court, or his parole violations. Perhaps the fact he remains unbothered should lead us to re-visit the “secret agent” theory. How else would he have received immunity for all this time? During Shepard’s 2004 congressional campaign against U.S. Rep Betty McCollum, Italy denied Hennepin County Attorney Amy Klobuchar’s request for extradition of Shepard. It’s that refusal that Shepard clings to as defense of his innocence. Shortly after the motion was pigeonholed, Shepard posted, “After consultations with the highest levels of the American government, the Italian government agreed with the American government not to interfere with Dr. Shepard’s counter-terrorism activities and refuses Amy

People for Peace Group.

Klobuchar’s request to arrest or extradite him.” It is not clear why the extradition request was denied by Italy or why the U.S. government hasn’t pushed harder for criminal justice. In the past, political opponents have been rightfully confused by Shepard’s Roman challenge. In 2006, Klobuchar referred to Shepard in the Pioneer Press saying, “[Criminals] get charged, they do the time.” Shepard responded, “that belongs in Russia” and “in America a person is considered innocent until proven so by a judge and jury during a fair trial.” Though, it’s difficult to try a man across a globe. Dr. Jack E Shepard is currently working as a dentist at the American Dental Studios in Rome, despite his American dental license being suspended. According to the dentistry’s website, their patients are “English speaking employees of the United Nations office.” The practice has recently opened several new offices around Rome and Jack is no doubt living comfortably. Shepard’s got money and he has himself convinced that he has power. Yet, the link that’s missing is more significant than the ones he possesses. He has no freedom. We can watch him try and try again, but this burden will probably never be lifted. Jack Shepard’s life and career is a story almost never told, which so far has allowed it to continue. His is a life protected by an obscure cloud of immunity, which has left the truth open to speculation. Maybe one day he will win an election. At this time, he has not officially entered the 2012 presidential race, but for Jack, history tends to repeat itself. Whether or not he succeeds in becoming the government official that he aspires to be, one thing is for sure—this dentist is already above the law.

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5

the

H

I G H

The five student

groups to look up to 56  IMPULSE 


TRI-THE-ILLINI Eunice Yu Alec Pignotti

words by

photo by

People say endorphins make you happy and one of the most accessible ways to release endorphins is through exercise. TRI the Illini has tapped into that formula and is now leading the movement to bring the triathlon to the U of I campus as a sport. Two years ago, TRI the Illini officially became a club team and their growth as an RSO seems more than promising. Upon meeting any one of their members, you’ll realize how extremely in shape they really are. But to be in an organization that prides itself for their ability to compete in multiple triathlons per year, you have to be.“Our team is at a point where people have a lot of knowledge about the sport and we’re focusing on furthering that,” said former president Jill Proffitt. Another former president Brian Trimble agrees, “We bring all skill levels of Tri athletes together and the end result is really neat,” he said. TRI welcomes anyone and is flexible with your skill level.   TRI the Illini trains for and competes in local triathlons. Every year, they travel to Nationals in April, which is an Olympic distance triathlon competition composed of a 1500-meter swim, 40 km bike and a 10 km run. In 2010, they placed first in the Big Ten and in 2011, they placed 14th overall. Brian O’Neill, the current president, hopes to only get better, “We want to make it a serious structured sport on campus and people should join because training together brings you together.”

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DANCE 2XS

U of I’s Dance 2XS team is a lot of moves, a lot of style and a lot of dazzle but when the makeup comes off and the stage lights dim the team is nothing less than a lot of heart. It’s a co-ed team of some of the best hip-hop dancers at the U of I. At the photo shoot these two-stepping, hip-popping ladies were all smiles and all over the dance floor ready to showcase attitude and style that comes with being in the hottest dance crew around town. The team is an award-winning hip-hop sensation, but don’t let that genre fool you, your hip-hop queen, the 2010-2011 president of Dance 2XS, Dominque Malebranche, says that they do a little bit of everything. “We’re a diverse group and we like to use some diverse and different music and dance styles to incorporate with our own hip-hop Dance 2XS style,” Malebranche explained. “We just like to have fun and incorporate everyone’s stuff. We’re just now getting into Dubstep music and are branching out into music cultures that way.” Dance 2XS is expanding in more ways than one. This RSO is on top of the world having teams at University of Michigan, Purdue, as well as in Portugal, Italy, Mexico and the UK. They also host Urban Night—an evening of flashy lights, hot beats and impeccable dancing from groups all

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over the world, all with a dash of style and urban feel. Former Assistant Artistic Director Mary Koh says that this is a worldly event. “Urban Night, in my opinion, is the biggest hip-hop dance showcase in the Midwest, and it happens once a semester at the U of I,” Koh explained. “All these crews from Chicago—and sometimes L.A. and Mexico— bring people from everywhere to basically showcase what they’ve been working on.” Weekly clinics are their methods of bringing people into the dance world and are a way for you to get on their level. Members and choreographers nationwide come to teach classes. Not the best dancer? Koh says that there’s something for everybody. “Everybody who puts in their hard work can get there. I think it really pushes you as a person” Koh said. “Because you have to push yourself to the limit, it definitely builds character and stamina, brings you closer to people on the team and lets you showcase your talents.” They move their bodies with attitude, energy and precision, giving them an undeniable swagger worthy of being one of the High Five. WORDS BY ROSE-ANN ARAGON, PHOTO BY JON DAYRIT


COLLEGE COUTURE Like all great ideas, it began with an intense brainstorming session. This particular think tank was held in the basement of Espresso Royale on Daniel in fall 2010 and brought together some of the CU’s most fashion-savvy minds. What started as a modest plan to hold a fashion show for the style-loving set on campus, amassed itself into a weeklong fashion celebration . That fateful collaboration of students, led by Jennifer Ruppert, resulted in what would later be known as College Couture Week. The RSO organized an event complete with the Illini’s Next Top Model competition; Fashion Talks featuring industry bloggers, designers and professors; The Fashion Experience: Boutiques for the College Fashionista, where vendors hosted booths of merchandise followed by a fashion show featuring student designers and local boutiques; Couture Night Out at the Clybourne with DJ KNIGHT & CoCoquette, where students came dressed to impress; and finally, IDENTITY, a finale fashion show featuring student designers and Chicago-based businesses. “We wanted to do something epic that the University of Illinois had never seen before,” says Ruppert, the RSO’s founder and president,

explaining how the original idea for a fashion show developed into a series of several fashion related events as the planning process moved along. With a full line-up of inspiring and exciting events involving industry professionals and relatable student talent, CCW proved to hit home with U of I’s trendsetting crowd, just what the co-founders had hoped. An encompassing salute to fashion—CCW was an artistic outlet for what had been previously underappreciated and underdeveloped on campus. “I have big plans and high hopes for College Couture Week,” says Ruppert. “Since it was so successful on our campus alone, my goal would be to expand it to every university and give students the chance to run their own fashion week.”  CCW will return again this year, but even bigger, hipper and much, much more fabulous. To learn more about the fashion success, visit College Couture on Facebook or follow their Twitter account, @CoutureWeekUIUC. For information on getting involved, email CollegeCoutureUIUC@gmail.com. WORDS BY EMILY CLEARY, PHOTO BY JON DAYRIT

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VOLLEYBALL

When talking about their sport, the members of the Illinois Men’s Volleyball Club mean business. “It was definitely a successful season,” said star middle blocker Mike Walsh in a calm but stern voice. Standing there, arms folded, he’s an imposing figure that would surely be intimidating on the court. The club has only been around for a couple decades (a short time for any serious atheltic group), but has already built a winning reputation. Since 1997, they’ve placed in the top 10 at Nationals, won multiple championships in the Big 10 Division and MIVA Division and this year, they stayed true to their reputation by nabbing the Big 10 championship and finishing 5th in the nation. “We’re hoping to improve every year,” Walsh said, “and eventually get the program its first national championship. Walsh called for his teammates to help him out with the interview. As they stood there in their mud-covered tees, their rugged faces blocked the midday sun, casting menacing shadows making them resemble a Russian mob mixed with an American boy band. “As a team,” said outside hitter Karl Miller, “we have the mentality to be the best team in the country, and when we look at all the other teams 60  IMPULSE 

and we compared ourselves to them, we have the fifteen best players.” With the success they’ve had last season, graduated seniors Miller and Walsh are counting on teammates like Michael Ashida, a junior, to carry on their legacy. “They’re good enough to step up. They’re more than qualified too,” Walsh said. “I expect nothing less than another Big 10 championship next year.” Miller said that they spend about 15-18 hours a week together on the court—not counting the hours they spend traveling the country to compete in conferences —and when they talked about their team bonding experiences, the crew is obviously very close. “On and off the court we get to unite as friends,” Miller said with a smile, “We’re not only teammates, but we’re all best friends, and we get to hang out with each other every day.” During the photo shoot, Walsh and his teammates got down and dirty, jeans rolled up and bare feet grounded in the mud. Flinging mud and joking with each other as they took directions from the photographer, it’s clear Club Volleyball knows how to mix business and fun. WORDS BY CHRISTIAN GOLLAYAN, PHOTO BY JON DAYRIT


MOCK TRIAL Let’s be honest, there’s nothing sexier than a beauty with brains or a bro in a suit. In the world of the Illinois Trial Team, you get both. These young professionals spend the year rummaging through evidence and learning how to walk the walk and talk the talk of real lawyers and experts through role-play. Each team cracks a case, acting as real participants of a courtroom for a crime scene—prepared with evidence, suspicion and conviction. Although the case notes and the scene are made up every year by the American Mock Trial Association, all of the stories are plausible. Real strategies. Real preparation. Real talk. In four-inch-heels, they rule the courtroom—Alison Anderson, president Alex Ostojic and Lena Shapiro are the legal brain trust that powers the team. Ostojic says that even if you don’t know law to a tee, what matters most is your attitude. “The person who would be best in this specific activity would definitely

be somebody who is confident. That’s the number one criteria. It doesn’t have to do with being good at law or knowing legal parameters or things like that. We can teach you all of that. The point of it is being able to be confident in your own skin.” This year’s case? Crime. “Innocent until proven guilty” is the name of the game. The Illinois Trial Team has brought back multiple awards and is recognized as one of the most prestigious organizations on campus. With iron conviction, they dominate the law all while building up for their futures.“I have so many resources in my specific field, and I think that that’s so important. They help you so much along the way.” So why is the Illinois Trial Team on the top 5? Crime, authority and role-play. WORDS BY ROSE-ANN ARAGON, PHOTO BY JON DAYRIT

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SO YOU WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?

a simple

GUIDE

• Long, successful political career • There hasn’t been a President from your race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or species yet and it’s about damn time. • Divine choice • Owning a multi-billion dollar financial group • Representing the everyman

First, identify your qualifications for running for office:

to

RULING the

• Educated Americans • Uneducated VH1 viewers • People from your race, religion, gender, sexual orientation or species • God-fearing folk and Texas • Goldman-Sachs and everybody contractually obligated to vote for their choice

FREE WORLD Build your platform on:

• Religious values • Family values • Fiscal responsibility • Global relations • Corrupt back door deals

• Liberals • Sinners • The Little Man

And your detractors?

With one of these warmhearted thoughts • Our children • A brighter tomorrow • Rebuilding America • World peace • Equality

And make a solemn promise to: • End dependence on foreign oil • Create jobs • Save Medicare • Pull out of the Middle East • Not touch Social Security • Defend our borders

To sway voters, it’s important to subtly cut down your opponent by calling him one of these words: 62 || TITLE

Then take a firm stance on: • The debt ceiling • Gun rights • Promoting business • War

• Hope for • Change for • Vote for • Dream of • Imagine

And one of these:

• Fascist • Socialist • Tree-hugging • War-mongering • Bigoted • Sexist • Ignorant • Flatulent • Lying

Now, determine who your supporters will be:

And have absolutely absurd views when it comes to:

• Taxes • Gay marriage • Moose hunting • Roe v. Wade

Add a surprising position on:

Now, to create your campaign slogan, combine one of these inspirational phrases:

• Swine • Hippie • Bully • Nazi • Jack-ass • Cheat • Idealist • Bastard • Extremist • Zealot

• Evolution • Elisabeth Hasselbeck from The View • Judaism • Mormonism • Terrorism

Balance yourself by expertise in:

• Constitutional law • Global finance • Healthcare • Life experiences

Finally, look toward your future and pick the scandal that will one day cause your impeachment: • Repeated infidelity with multiple men, women, transvestites or livestock • Tax evasion • Fraud • Misguided CIA information about possible WMDs • Ponzie scheming • Addiction to Afghan heroin

AND YOU’RE SET! HAPPY RUNNING, AND TRY NOT TO TOTALLY SCREW UP OUR COUNTRY (MORE)!


INTOXICATED

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BBRIANATWOOD.COM


IMPULSE Fall 2011