z 40 ROCK Quarterly Magazine Issue No. 4
Editor’s HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE DESTINATIONS THAT MAKE YOU SAY AWW! SPIRITUALITY NEEDS SPIRIT
MARIA RIOS Best Advice Ever!
CEO of NATION WASTE, Inc.
CONTENTS / Issue No. 4
ON THE COVER
An Interview With Maria Rios CEO of Waste Nation, Inc.
20 Features 44 Who Comes First? 46 Spirituality Needs Spirit
48 Single Dads Over
40 Dating Again ... What About My Kids?
50 Okay, I’ve Done It. Now What?
54 October is Breast
Cancer Awareness Month
In Each Issue 4
Editor’s Choice: The Best Holiday Gifts
8 Healthy Living: What is a Salt Flotation Tank?
1 2 Food: You’ll Never Ask, “Chicken Again?”
1 4 Entertainment: 12th Annual Ford Neighborhood Awards
Q&A With Mia: Let’s Get it (W) Right!
Beauty: High Heel Hangover
20 Fashion: Unexpected Holiday Looks
24 Spirituality: How You Givin’?
26 Relationships: Are You Doing the Wrong Things to Get it Right?
28 Effective Parenting: What does your family “Holiday Interactive Word Wall” look like?
30 Finances: It’s Okay to Say No
F orty, Fabulous & Free Blessed to Have Less
T ravel World’s Best Destinations
40zROCK / Editor's Letter
The Timing's Perfect!
Timing is a critical element in life that can lead us to triumph or to defeat. The story from John 5:1-9 comes to mind. The sick , blind, lame and paralyzed would lay by a pool waiting for the angel of the Lord to go and stir the waters. The first person to enter the pool was healed of whatever disease or ailment they had. There was a man that lay by the pool for 38 years. He could not put himself in the water because of his infirmity. One day Jesus came by and asked the man if he wanted to be healed to which he answered “I have no man to put me into the pool when it is stirred.” Jesus told him to take up his bed and walk . The man was immediately healed and took up his bed and walked. In our daily path of life, timing is an important part of functioning. We wake up with an alarm so we can get ready and go to work on time. We set an alarm to go to church , to cook a turkey , to catch a plane. Timing is in every aspect of our lives. If we are five minutes late that could mean the difference between a quick trip and being caught in a traffic jam. The story from the bible has two lessons for me. The first one is that one had to be at the right place ( the pool) at the right time ( when the angel stirred it) to fulfill our commitments and desires. It seems like in our daily lives we have to be at the right place at the right time constantly. We put a lot of stress on ourselves so that we can achieve what we can by our own strength. In the story , the sick needed to take the step to enter the water to be healed at the exact time that the waters were stirred. One person got to be healed. The second part is the most comforting for me. The sick man never gave up hope. He came to try and enter the pool so he could be healed. He kept coming back year after year hoping to be the chosen. On one fateful day he met Jesus and with one word he was healed. No pool, no angel , no water and no need to immerse in the water. He was made whole. When you keep trying to get it just right, when you put a time table on when you have to complete college, or meet someone, get married, have kids, remember that your timing isn’t God’s timing. All you have to do is keep the faith and each of the gifts he has for you will be delivered to you in his time. May you trust God to keep you on pace. Sandra A. Wyckoff Editor-in-Chief
Follow 40zROCK /
40zROCK Sandra Wyckoff Editor-in-Chief
Melisa Fox Rhonda M. Anderson Kim Evans Lawson Ann Inez Hardell
Photographers Bobby B Photos by Bobby Hall (cover + page 39) Emily C Photography (page 4)
Lamik Cosmetics AndrĂŠ Deleon Salon (page 39)
Rhonda Anderson & Kim Lawson Entertainment: 12th Annual Ford Neighborhood Awards
Mena Freeman Single Dads Over 40 Dating Again ... What About the Kids?
ezzie Gilbert T Who Comes First?
imberly Evans-Handy K Beauty: High Heel Hangover
Cheri Alphonse Hayes, ED.S What does you "Holiday Interactive Word Wall" look like?
ancy Nichols & Stephanie D. Mckenzie N Relationships: Are You Doing the Wrong Things to Get it Right?
Jacquie Parish Travel: World's Best Destinations.
JeneĂŠ Pierre Spirituality Needs Spirit
Julie Ray Healthy Living: What is a Salt Flotation Tank?
Wendie Rice Spirituality: How You Givin'?
Merneen Spearman Okay, I've done it. Now What?
Charlotte Stallings Finances: It's Okay to Say No
Stacy Wilson Forty, Fabulous & Free: Blessed to Have Less
Mia Wright Q&A With Mia: Let's Get It (W)Right! Sandra Wyckoff Fashion: Unexpected Holiday Looks
An Interview With Maria Rios
40zROCK / MUST-HAVES
The Best Holiday Gifts
Cartier Love Bracelet This undeniably elegant unisex piece opens and closes with a screwdriver, the piece serves to sanctify inseparable love. $ How far would you go for love?
Michael Aram Black Orchid Diffuser & Candle
These beautiful glass containers accent any home. Each lid is a sculpted design that hints at the fragrance within Diffuser $99 Candle $60
Burberry Prorsum Peep-toe Boots Each boot is one-off hand-painted deerskin and entirely unique. $1,695
Monogram Pendant Complete her signature style with this beautiful 14k Gold 3 initials monogram pendant necklace. $220
Nautica Rolling Luggage Ahoy 3 Piece Hard Side Spinner Set Perfect for the entire family. $279.00
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40zROCK / HEALTHY LIVING
What is a SALT FLOTATION TANK? by Julie Ray
I had no idea what a salt flotation tank was until a few years ago. Now that I know, I wonder why this amazing tank is still such a mystery.
and sounds during a float, your mind
under to support that thing all day?!
box that is eight feet long, four feet
can relax and use the time to go
wide, four feet high, and is completely
where it wants to go instead of where
of people who claim that floating helps
enclosed. It contains ten inches of
it is forced to go. People who like to
with their aches and pains, because
water that is so saturated with either
meditate have found that they are able
the water supports their body, and
Himalayan sea salt, or Epsom salt that
to enter a deeper state of meditation
allows them to be able to relax their
when you lie in it you float like a cork.
while floating. Many people choose just
Even if you are unable to float in a pool
to relax and see where the float takes
or a lake, you will float in a tank.
them. At this point you may be asking,
Epsom salt is good for you. If you’ve ever
“What if I’m claustrophobic and don’t
taken a Himalayan sea salt or Epsom salt
but I float effortlessly in these wonder-
think that I can relax in a tank?” Well, if
bath you know how wonderful you feel
you’re like me, and don’t particularly
during and even after your bath. These
care for enclosed spaces, you can leave
salts help by reducing inflammation in
would I want to float in a big box of salt
the tank door wide open and wear
your body, which may help reduce pain
water?” Good question. I have done a
earplugs if you like. Most tanks feature
in your body.
lot of research on salt flotation tanks,
an interior light that you can control, and
and I would like to share with you what
an intercom system that you can use to
mind and body relax like I’ve spent the
I have found:
communicate with the person running
day at the beach. At first, when I would
the tank in case you need some words of
float, I would try so hard to clear my
world around us is getting more and
encouragement. Some tanks even have
mind, in hopes of meditating. After a
more busy. We are so bombarded by
a speaker system, so that you can bring
few failed attempts, I found that if I just
technology (smart phones, tablets,
your own music to listen to. Even if you
let myself “be”, my mind finally figured
laptops, and even our cars are getting
don’t completely shut out the world,
out that it was okay to stop worrying,
in on the action!) that most of us are
there are still other benefits of the tank
and start resting. It feels so wonderful
constantly “plugged in” and on the go.
that you can enjoy.
being in my own little private world for
Salt flotation tanks provide stimulus
even just an hour. A great side affect for
reduction, which means that you can
Because of the high concentration of
me is that I always feel more creative
shut out the world when you shut the
either Himalayan sea salt, Epsom salt,
and come up with ideas for new writing
door of the tank. Testimonials show that
or a combination of the two, you float
projects when I float.
many people have found that the stress
without any effort on your part. You
they have carried around with them
become weightless, which takes the
benefit from the Epsom salt. I feel like
throughout the day suddenly disappears
strain of gravity off of your body. From
I have less pain in my body, and the
when they enter a salt flotation tank, and
what I’ve read, the adult human head
insomnia that usually plagues me at
that by floating on a regular basis, they
can weigh from 8 to 12 pounds - not
night is greatly reduced when I take the
are better able to handle the stress that
including hair. (If you saw the movie,
time to float. (I usually sleep like a baby
they encounter in their daily lives.
Jerry Maguire, you might have thought
after I float.)
that it only weighs 8 pounds like I did!)
A salt flotation tank is a large plastic
(I sink like a stone in regular water,
You might be asking yourself, “Why
Floating can reduce stress. The
Floating can be mentally relaxing.
By taking a break from outside sights
Floating can be physically relaxing.
Imagine how much strain your neck is
I’ve read countless testimonials
Floating in Himalayan sea salt and
I love to float! Floating helps my
My old physical injuries greatly
There are other benefits from salt
that you may not know about. For
centuries, salt therapy has been used
produced by these lamps, you can give
irritated. He tried a salt pipe when he was
to ease the sinuses and lungs. It was
your sinuses and lungs a “vacation” from
having a particularly hard time with his
discovered that the miners working in
the pollutants that are all around you.
lungs, and was pleasantly surprised that it
the salt mines had little to no health
brought him immediate comfort.
issues with their lungs because of
lamp room! I always feel like I am by the
breathing the salt air. In Victorian times,
sea when I spend time in these rooms. I
mystery out of the salt flotation tank,
doctors recommended spending time
feel like I can breathe easier, and can totally
and have possibly given you a reason to
by the sea as a treatment for lung issues.
relax. If you don’t have the time, or the
visit a float center. There are many more
Have you ever noticed how wonderful
budget to visit a salt room, you can still
incredible things that I have learned
you feel when you spend time at the
get great results by purchasing a salt
about salt tanks, but one thing that
beach? My sinuses and lungs enjoy every
crystal lamp for your home or office. You
I’ve heard time and time again, is that
breath I take of the clean, salty air.
can find them in health stores, or online.
no two people will ever have the same
I am absolutely fascinated by these
experience in a tank. Some people have
to the beach, there are Salt Centers who
lamps, and have several in my home.
specific reasons for floating, and set their
have special salt rooms that you can relax
intentions for what they would like to
in and breathe the salty air. (I make it a
Since I’m on the subject of salt, I have to
experience in the tank before they even
point to go as often as I possibly can.)
mention the Himalayan salt pipe. If you
enter it, while some people float just to
have allergies, sinus issues, or asthma, I
see what happens. I say, float just to see
a cozy private room with walls of salt, or
highly recommend the salt pipe. (Check
what happens, and then, when you find
Himalayan crystal salt lamps. There are
with your doctor first if you have serious
out, tell me about it!
usually recliners in these rooms, so that
health issues.) A salt pipe is a ceramic
you can lay back and enjoy the relaxing
salt shaker looking thing that has salt
Lake, or Galveston, TX area, there are
and therapeutic benefits of the salt.
crystals inside of it. It has an opening at
two float centers. One is approximately
the top that you put your mouth over
twenty-five minutes south of downtown
lamp? Picture a crystal that is around
to inhale. You don’t light the salt, or
Houston, and the other is approximately
eight inches high, and weighs from six
anything like that. The salt in its natural
twenty-five minutes northwest.
to eight pounds. Now picture it a light
state releases salt into the small space
pink, opaque color. This is what the salt
inside the pipe that you directly inhale
(or Galveston if you live south of the
crystal looks like. It also has a hole in the
through your mouth.
beltway)” for more info.
bottom of it that has a small light bulb
in it. Besides being pretty and relaxing
pipes, and states that they “are helpful
or Galveston area, just Google “Salt
to look at, Himalayan salt crystal lamps
for asthma, allergies, sinus conditions,…
Flotation Tank” to find a float center that
generate negative ions, which help clean
and because it has potassium, which
is hopefully in your area. (There aren’t
the air and mitigate Electro-Magnetic
decreases blood pressure, it may be
that many float centers in the U.S. at
fields. (High E.M.F.’s have been known to
helpful for that too.”
cause headaches, and a general sense of
unease, so anything to help keep these
health issues that have bothered him since
about the wonderful world of floating,
fields manageable is a very good thing.)
he went through chemo and radiation.
please feel free to contact me:
By breathing the clean, oxygenated air
One of them is that his lungs get easily
If you’re like me, and don’t live close
What is a salt room? A salt room is
What is a Himalayan salt crystal
Salt lamps rock! I could live in a salt
And then there’s the salt pipe.
Dr. Oz recommends Himalayan salt
I have a family friend who has several
I hope that I have helped take the
If you live in the Houston, Clear
Google “Salt Flotation Tank Houston
If you live far from the Houston,
If you have any further questions
40zROCK / FOOD
YOU’LL NEVER ASK, “CHICKEN AGAIN?” It’s a perfect blend of flavors for a tasty chicken recipe any home cook can master. KALE, APPLE & BACON STUFFED CHICKEN WITH MAPLE MUSTARD PAN SAUCE
Heat extra virgin olive oil in the same
Preheat oven to 375 degrees then get
skillet over medium-high heat. Place
out a baking sheet and set aside. Using
chicken into skillet then saute for 3 min-
a sharp knife, cut a pocket horizontally
utes on each side. Transfer chicken to
4 chicken breasts
into each chicken breast, season both
baking sheet then bake for 5-7 minutes,
salt and pepper
sides with salt and pepper, and then
or until cooked through.
2 slices bacon, chopped
4 cups chopped lacinato kale (about 1/2 bunch)
Turn heat back down to medium then
Crisp bacon in a large skillet over me-
add sage and garlic to skillet and saute
dium heat then remove to a paper
until garlic is golden brown and fragrant,
towel-lined plate to drain, leaving 1
1-2 minutes. Add chicken stock, mustard,
Tablespoon bacon grease in skillet. Add
and maple syrup then turn heat up to
2 Tablespoons chopped sage
kale, apple, and shallot then season with
bring mixture to a boil. Cook until sauce
1 cup chicken stock
salt and pepper and saute until apples
has thickened and reduced, 5 minutes,
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard
are tender, 5 minutes. Add bacon back in
then season with salt and pepper to
2 Tablespoons maple syrup
then stir to combine and transfer miture
taste. Plate chicken then drizzle with
to a bowl. Stuff into each chicken pocket
maple mustard pan sauce.
1 apple, peeled then chopped 1 large shallot, chopped 1 Tablespoon extra virgin olive oil 2 garlic cloves, minced
then press to close (may have a bit of stuffing left over.)
recipe by iowagirlseats.com
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40zROCK / ENTERTAINMENT
« 12TH ANNUAL FORD NEIGHBORHOOD AWARDS » by Rhonda Anderson & Kim Lawson
The much anticipated 12th Annual Ford Neighborhood Awards is poised to bring the City of Atlanta, four days of special events. The event was hosted by Steve Harvey in Atlanta Georgia, August 7-10th at the George World Congress Center and Philips Arena. Steve Harvey and television/radio producer Rushion McDonald created the oneof-a kind Neighborhood Awards show and Weekend Expo, giving star treatment to celebrate everyday men and women who uplift their neighborhoods through their contributions and excellence.
Lisa Raye & daughter Kai
Sex Therapist Dr. Laura Berman
Steve and Marjorie Harvey
Kim Lawson & Marjorie Harvey
40zROCK WAS THERE TO CAPTURE IT ALL
Rhonda Anderson, Shirley Strawberry & Kim Lawson
Mary Mary’s Erica Campbell
Kirk & Tammy Franklin
Shirley Strawberry co-host of the Steve Harvey Show & Fiance
Sherri Shepherd - Comedian & Actress
Comedian Thomas Miles, AKA Nephew Tommy
Tracey Ellis Ross
Gospel Singer and Radio Host Yolanda Adams
Standup Comedian and Radio Personality Ricky Smiley
Todd & Kandi Tucker
40zROCK / Q&A With Mia
Let's Get It (W)right! Mia inspires people to embrace spiritual change and live fulfilling lives. Here, she answers your questions.
elf and exts to find hers an w ho w d ol year that I think erent clothes Q I have a 15h ha iff d d an r lo co ir me room out allowing so periment wit ab d an st er d h. I un ay too much is hair color w is just too muc ut b e, yl st n her ow to let her find d? ol ar for a 15 ye
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tor & Co-Pas
an e in this time th d to much mor low se al e po w ex e at ar th n A Childre e as adolescents. It doesn’t mean parents still t because what we wer that they wan ng hi yt er ev as expressive as them to do agers. They are en te r ei eless, the th nt se, but noneth need to pare ur co of s ay w dividuality fferent growth and in al we were – in di on rs pe n, io rameters, explorat idelines and pa gu period of selfer op pr en ner. Perant. Giv a positive man in is vitally import y tit en id r ei r a 15 year n find th is too much fo r teens can ofte lo co ir ha at mother t feel th d loved it. My sonally, I do no an e ag at th at oper techy hair ught me the pr old. I colored m ta e Sh l. el w ntained ortive as l kept and mai was very supp el w as w it at lored hair.) sured th ent than unco niques and en hm is ur no e or have other eds m our children to (colored hair ne w lo al e w at ovide suanner th c.), we must pr In the same m et s, er ax el (r ir pressions eir ha hile the color ex chemicals on th W n. io at ic pl lor that oper ap hter to find a co ug pervision for pr da ur yo g in r individualny, help expressing he can be a bit za d an ne to in her sk my mother, used to say to works well with I e. nc rie pe ex change it.” sitive r, I can always ity can be a po lo co e th e lik t I don’ “It’s just hair! If
right ker Mia W al Spea
you have some life pressing que Do stions you need to get answers to? Ask Mia and get it (W)right! Email: email@example.com / Twitter.com/40zrock / Facebook.com/40zrock
I need s ome derful r elation advice. I have sh re I am da ting stil ip. Everything cently started l has a a wonis great He eve rela nf ex sweet t inds time to c tionship with cept the guy ut the g hings. I his ex-in ra th daught laws. er is ma ink these are ss among oth er reall Perks y rried to divorce y ou get ag d whe should and he’s move ood guy, but have le now th n your d on, I f a ft when eel as t have a hough t they are he rela the per you thin tionship, bu left. I’m not s ks ay tn k there is some o need for all ing you can’t th validity or am I e extras. Do being im mature ? A I am ha ppy to ful relat hear th ionship with a m at you have b conside eg ra an that is obvio un a wonderhe is a m te of others. B u y what an to ta you hav sly caring and ke frien Althoug e said, it dships h you s seems t and rela eem un for his fo h t comfor rmer in table w ionships serio at -laws, y ship wa u it s h ly. ou mus s forme him do tc in d for ho Even in wever lo onsider that a g things the cas re eo ng he h away fr as know lationom peo f divorce, it is n them ple you hard at daught . times to love an er, dc ju in-laws but not them , but th , and w are for. He divo st walk ey rema hile the that yo y are no rced their in h ua lon reconn re uncertain a is friends. Is th ect ere som ger bo ething is this; h with his ex w ut – Are you a hil fra e her par can connect w e visiting her p id that he will en ith ar he is. Yo t’s home. Allow her at any tim ents? The trut h u will fin e him the and no d enough s t to share that he appare pace to be the only at . ntly has m a big he an that art – big
My husband and I are very traditional when it comes to certain things and my sons are well aware of how I feel. I have 3 boys and now they are all at dating age and they are all bringing girlfriends home for the holidays. My husband thinks we have to compromise somewhat, but I am having a hard time trying to grasp three girlfriends in the house for the weekend. I love having my sons at home, but sometimes the issue is our young ladies haven’t been taught what’s appropriate and what’s not so it leaves me to look like the bad old-fashioned mom. What suggestions would you give me that could help me handle this to where it’s happy median for everybody.
I love the fact that you and your husband hold to the traditions that are important to you. As a mother to adult sons also, I fully understand your dilemma. If your concern is sleeping arrangements, then express to your sons that you welcome their girlfriends to your home but that your moral values will limit the room allocations. Ask them to share that information with their girlfriends. Young men never seem to have a problem sleeping on the sofa or any other lounge areas. Make arrangements in advance and communicate these to your sons. Regardless of how the young ladies were raised, it is proper to respect the “house rules.” Ask them to please stick with your plans so that you all can have a care-free, fun-filled, stress-less holiday.
40zROCK / BEAUTY
HIGH HEEL HANGOVER by Kimberly Evans-Handy
Those trendy, six inch high sexy stilettos are definitely fashion forward for todayâ€™s fashionista but do you really know the consequences of wearing these high heel beauties over time?
One in ten women wear high heels
creased weight on your toes causes your
at least three days a week. High heels
body to tilt forward. To compensate, you
are one of the biggest reasons for foot
lean backwards and overarch your back,
problems in women. At least one third of
which creates a posture that can strain
women who wear high heels have fallen
your knees and hips. Over time, wearing
while wearing them. Your perfect pumps
high heels can shorten the muscles in
can create the perfect storm for perma-
your calves and in your back, leading to
nent foot damage. Todayâ€™s fashionable
pain and muscle spasms because you
shoes have very thin soles and the in-
have literally been walking on your toes.
High heels are one of the biggest reasons for foot problems in women. 18
WHAT YOU SHOULD CONSIDER:
› Wearing high heels forces the body’s weight on the ball of the foot.
› Wearing high heels creates foot problems such as corns and hammertoes.
› Wearing high heels creates “pump
bump” (aggravation of the bony part on the back of the heel).
› Wearing high heels creates swelling of the nerve between the toes.
› Wearing high heels creates a cramming of your toes into shoes that can cause nerve damage and bunions.
› Wearing high heels can cause the
Achilles tendon to shorten, making it more difficult to wear flat shoes.
› Wearing high heels creates ankle
and knee discomfort, low-back pain, leg pain, neck aches, leg spasms and shoulder discomfort.
All is not lost. There are non-surgical remedies available such as wearing shoe inserts, wearing lower heels or even flats are also an option. If all else fails, surgery can remedy foot problems.
HOW CAN YOU RECOVER FROM THE HIGH HEEL HANGOVER:
› D on’t go shoe shopping in the morning. Instead try to shoe shop towards
the end of the day when your feet are slightly more swollen from walking on them throughout the day. This will help determine a more accurate fit.
› H ave a professional shoe shop stretch
where sneakers if you have a longer distance to walk from your car to your office.
› Soak your feet in Epsom salt.
› Stretch and massage your feet. If your feet are not happy, nothing above them will be happy. You want the shoe to take the shape of a foot – you don’t
your shoe if the shoe is made of
want your foot to take the shape of your
shoe. So, should shoe boxes contain
› Choose a sensible heel height.
warnings saying high heels can be dangerous? What do you think?
ear soft insole inserts to reduce the ›W impact on your knees.
ear the right size shoe and the ›W right width.
› A lternate your shoe choice whenever possible. Wear flats while driving,
I’m a shoe-aholic and I don’t need help.
40zROCK / FASHION
UNEXPECTED Holiday Looks by Sandra Wyckoff
These 4 unexpected looks will have you thinking twice about how you dress this holiday season.
40zROCK / SPIRITUALITY
HOW YOU GIVIN’?
by Wendie Rice
The holiday season is upon us once again. It’s that time of year when we gear up to spend, spend, spend. If it’s not for the people who are on our annual Christmas lists, it’s on the fancy new cocktail dresses for those holiday affairs, or the travel expenses and accommodations to visit family. Our bank accounts can really take a hit.
But as this is the season of giving, this
if you are able to donate items or help
doesn’t necessarily require one to
with making phone calls from home for
spend any money, and the giving can
a neighborhood charity, your giving will
continue all year long. As it relates to
surely be appreciated.
giving, God says……”the generous man
will be prosperous, and he who waters
an outside entity. Our friends and family
will himself be watered.” Prov. 11:25.
can use our help many times. Even if it’s
So ask yourself, How you givin’? Giving
to provide a listening ear during a tough
to others not only makes the recipient
time, or offering a great piece of advice
feel good but also can make the giver
that will help them in a major way, your
happier. Giving is an act of goodwill and
giving doesn’t take much at all.
There are a plethora of
lends itself to God’s command to love
opportunities for you to
others as you love yourself. Who doesn’t
lies. Ask yourself, what are your passions?
get involved with. Visit
like to receive good things? But in receiv-
Do you know what your spiritual gifts
these websites to start:
ing good things, our focus should not
are? What do you feel strongly about?
be on the getting, but how can we turn
Take some time to seek out these things
around and give. It is better to give than
and begin there. In this, giving won’t
feel like a burden or obligation. You’ll be
happy to give and the receiver will be
Bbbs.org (Big Brothers Big Sisters)
Even if you don’t have much money
Giving doesn’t always have to be to
It’s also best to give where your heart
Give time. Volunteer.
to give, giving of your time and talents
happy to receive. God also loves a cheer-
can really be rewarding and can make
ful giver. “Give generously to him and do
a difference in someone’s life, or in the
so without a grudging heart, then be-
community. Churches and non-profits
cause of this the Lord your God will bless
operate heavily on the assistance of
you in all your work and in everything
volunteers. Without the help of these
you put your hand to.” Duet. 15:10
or money to give, the easiest
servant minded individuals, many strides
thing you can give is a smile
could not be made in the helping of
at an early age is also key. Try to involve
and a friendly hello! You never
your kids in volunteer opportunities.
know, it could be worth a
As they are growing and developing
whole lot more than you
your giving, it doesn’t matter the quan-
their own character, the act of giving will
tity, but the quality. If you only have one
help them tremendously in becoming
hour per week, or possibly only one hour
major contributors to society and provid-
a month to mentor kids, or to prepare
ing them with many possibilities for a
meals for the elderly, that one hour can
surely add up in the big picture. Or even
So you don’t have a lot of time. In
Teaching our young people to give
If none of these things are options for you and you don’t find you have the time
40zROCK / RELATIONSHIPS
Are You Doing the Wrong Things to Get it Right? by Nancy Nichols and Stephanie D. McKenzie
The burning questions in my heart have always been:
know we’re not supposed to chase a
man, blab our dirty laundry, publicly
on evidence, facts and reality, instead of
Why do I attract and commit to men who are so wrong for me?
bad-mouth our ex’s, or sleep with a man
my irrational, unpredictable emotions,
on the first date. Right?
my understanding of relationships
How do some women attract the interest of wonderful men?
Why then do we do it?
Why am I unable to be in a relationship with the right man?
ognize a man’s unreliable, discourteous
I was in a church recently when the
As women, I contend that we do rec-
and deceitful behavior and suspect him to be a potentially undesirable partner.
pastor quoted the familiar scripture, “If
any of you lack wisdom, ask for it, and it
continue to date, fall in love and commit
will be given to you.”
to losers, abusers and con-artists when
our internal voice screams, “Run for
I gasped! Suddenly-I realized I had
Why then do we ignore our intuition,
When I learned to base my decisions
When I began to trust and act upon
my intuitive instincts, instead of being influenced by what someone told me, my wisdom blossomed.
And every time I said or did what was
in my best interest, not in the interest of holding on to a man, my confidence soared. The answer to all my relationship problems was this:
been asking for relationship wisdom all
my life. Every time I read a self-improve-
ment book I was asking for insight. Every
rally sense when a man is lying, twisting
My security, happiness and worth can-
time I sought advice from a girlfriend or
our words (it’s called crazy-making),
not be found in a man-it is instead, real-
a psychologist I was looking for
or unjustly blames or discounts us as
ized within my unique talents, my inner
relationship discernment. Every time I
beauty and my extraordinary strength as
prayed or I went to church I was seeking divine understanding.
Did you know that the answers to
As women, I believe we supernatu-
Why then are we unable to stand up to him and confront his wounding behavior?
your problems, concerns and relation-
For thirty years I sought an understand-
ship difficulties are inside you?
ing of men, dating and relationships.
The answer I was given was this: logic,
As women, I believe we know in our
guts the right things to say and do when
intuition and a positive attitude are a
it comes to men, dating and relation-
woman’s three most powerful relation-
ships. Most of it is common sense. We
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40zROCK / EFFECTIVE PARENTING
What does your family “Holiday Interactive Word Wall” look like? by Cheri Alphonse Hayes, ED.S.
As the Holiday Season approaches and we prepare to celebrate our generational traditions as well as newly adopted ways to celebrate, I would like to share with you an intimate and fun activity where the entire family can participate; young and old. It’s your choice as the leader of the game to fill-in the entire word-wall board before sharing it with family or everyone in the family can be assigned an alphabet where they can contribute completing the entire board. The objective of this activity is to keep old traditions going, adding new ones and allowing everyone to be part of something great!
In this case, I have
started with some
things I would like to address with my family.
No two word walls are alike! Be sure to work out how and where the
word-wall will be filled and carried out. Everyone’s contribution is will fill-in their words and we will carry out October to January.
our actions from
Quantity vs. Quality
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40zROCK / FINANCES
IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO by Charlotte Stallings
Loaning money to family and friends is a way to help them get by when they are in a tight spot. When someone approaches you for a loan, be clear in your own mind and with them concerning the guidelines for the loan. And make sure it’s an amount of money that you can afford to give away.
You are accountable for your
help paying for his daughter’s daycare.
walked out. At the elevator I heard him
financial health, not someone else’s.
Two weeks later, he came to me again…
exclaim, “What?” He rushed back into my
Be calm, clear and friendly, but make
and then again in another two weeks. A
office. “This is just $25!”
your boundaries understood. “This is
pattern was developing.
what I can afford to loan you.”
or leave it.” He left it and hasn’t asked me
If this is an ongoing loan arrange-
bills. I was concerned and I saw no end
to loan him money since then. Up until
ment, make sure it works for you over
to the regular money requests. I asked
that day, I had felt powerless around how
time. What worked last month may not
the pastor at my church what to do. He
I could be supportive but not put myself
work this month. Look long and hard
said, “Follow the $25 rule. Decide how
in jeopardy. Now, I have a plan to support
at habitually giving money to some-
much you can afford to give away each
those I care about, including me.
one who is unable to pay you back and
month that will not hurt you. Maybe it’s
wants more money more often.
$25 or $250. Whatever the amount, say
CARETAKING: SOMETIMES MORE HARM THAN GOOD
to yourself, “If I never get this back, I’ll
Historically in my family I played the
role of caretaker: buying gifts, helping
request. I agreed to help and told him
around the house and springing for
to come to my office to get it. He came
extra cash if someone needed help. At
in and I handed him an envelope. He
one point, one of my brothers needed
thanked me, took the envelope and
Soon I started to fall behind on my
be okay.” Sure enough I received another
“Yep,” I said, “It’s $25 – you can take it
IMPORTANCE OF SAYING , “NO” It’s also possible that you just can’t afford to give any money away. In that case, say so! I wish someone had told me, “You are the only person taking care of your money, if you let misplaced guilt or a rescue instinct influence you, you could end up without the money that you really need.”
GIVE IT A TRY
Take a long, hard look at your finances:
Can you afford to give any money away? Yes or No (circle one)
How much? $___________
If you have a habit of loaning people money that you can’t afford to give away, ask yourself, “What is the pay-off for me to continue this activity?” __________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
Does it make you feel needed? Yes or No (circle one)
Can you find other ways to contribute that are not monetary? Yes or No (circle one) List these: ____________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
Saying no to a family member was
stressful for me but now I understand that knowing how to say no says a lot about your judgment, peace of mind and financial stability. When you are swayed by the winds of other people’s fortunes and requests, you can end up being blown over. Stand your ground and understand that you cannot fix
every situation and you cannot please everyone.
If you have a specific amount of mon-
ey each month that you have committed
WHAT ABOUT SAYING NO TO YOURSELF SOMETIMES?
to saving, try to honor that commitment.
So you now have a strategy for handling
he needed to repair our fence. I immedi-
You need you more than they need you,
money requests from family and friends,
ately thought we could put the wood to
so make your boundaries clear and stick
but what’s the plan for managing your
good use by jazzing up our gazebo. (By
with them, for your sake and theirs.
money requests of yourself ? Each time
no means was it a necessary project, but
you have the urge to make a purchase,
we ran the risk of ruining the wood if it
you are willing to loan is exactly about
ask yourself this question, “Do I really
doing what works for you. When you
need this, or do I just want it?” Only you
do what works for you financially, you
know if it’s within your means or outside
habit of asking ourselves if the purchase
empower yourself toward successful
of your means and only you know if you
we were considering was a need or a
management in all areas of your life.
can afford it. Wants can always be de-
want, and what would happen if we
ferred and even some needs can be put
waited a specific period of time before
you can do when the only appropriate
off. Asking “can this wait?” is one way to
making it. (Early in our marriage, we
answer is no. Confide in a friend about
keep talking about money and how you
discovered we had confused our wants
your situation and ask for their help
spend it in your household.
with our needs. In fact, we jokingly said
in a role playing exercise. Ask them
THIS SIMPLE STRATEGY DOES SEVERAL THINGS. IT:
“We’ve been deep into the ‘wants’ cat
conversation in front of a mirror, saying,
1. Keeps you focused on your financial goals.
“I’ve thought about your request and I’ve
2. Creates accountability.
money than our budget allowed, so we
decided not to give you any money.”
3. Forces you to think.
looked at our options. Can this wait?
Setting a specific limit on how much
And here is a suggestion on what
to play the role of the person who has asked you for money and have a practice
A few years ago my husband discov-
ered he had bought more lumber than
By this time we had developed a
egory for a long time.”) As we considered the gazebo pro-
ject, we realized we would need more
2. Start a conversation with your spouse, a friend or just yourself to put these purchases in perspective.
you only satisfied some of your needs in
3. Label each one “want” or “need.”
simple “Can It Wait” test. Here are some guidelines that have worked well for me:
ing and achieving our financial goals. I
4. Write down the dollar amount each purchase will likely cost.
wish someone had told me about how
5. Rank in order the wants and needs.
1. Wait at least one week before making a major purchase.
6. Describe your purchase plan, i.e., pull money from cash reserves, use next quarter’s bonus, keep saving etc.
2. Always ask, “Can I wait?” “What are other options?” “What will happen if I don’t wait?”
7.Share your plan with someone close to you and ask them to check on your progress from time to time. Promise to take them out to dinner when you achieve your goals.
3. Use the “If, then” question. “If I make this purchase or spend this money, then __________ will happen.”
Charlotte Stallings is a Financial and Personal
What will happen if we don’t wait?
We ended up putting the lumber in the garage!
Asking these questions helps us
to sustain our commitment to budget-
to structure simple conversations about money. We can say, “It’s a need.” or we can say, “I know it’s a want and let’s develop a plan to be able to pay for it.” THE NEED/WANT APPROACH What category are you in these days: want, need or a little of both? Try this simple six step plan to wrap your head around this practice: 1. List all of the things you are considering purchasing for the next six to twelve months.
This exercise will help you get clarity
on your plans for managing the needs and wants in your life. Consider how much money you can save or invest if
the short term.
Another suggestion is to apply the
40zROCK / FORTY, FABULOUS & FREE
by Stacy D. Wilson
Letting go and moving on, for the most part is not an easy feat. After 41 years of existence and upon moving to China, I’ve come to find out that moving is not just a physical task but also an emotional work. Especially for an individual who, since moving to Los Angeles, managed to accumulate 12 years of stuff.
Honestly, the only labels I like to acquire are those attached to my clothes but by Erykah Badu standards, I’ve probably earned the label bag lady many times over. So, the decision to venture into new territory has spurred me to come to terms with my infamous baggage. Especially, being that it’s costly, in more ways than one, to transport unwanted goods as well as emotional waste half way across the world.
BLESSED TO HAVE LESS
In separating my negotiable from
power that’s inside of me. I found it eas-
Firstly, He allowed me to learn the ben-
my non-negotiable, I noticed that there
ier to stay connected to the true source
efits of living with less, ensuring me that
were a lot of things to let go of… ev-
of power when I wasn’t plugged into the
I don’t need crutches in the form of se-
erything that’s not essential to survival
roller coaster of emotions of people or
curity blankets to complete me. This rich
and couldn’t be neatly compressed into
spoon fed propaganda by everything
renewed perspective has allowed me to
2 voluptuous suitcases… my fear of the
in competition for my time. Without so
loosen my grip to let go of the expired.
unknown being that I realistically knew
many familiar distractions, remembering
That same open hand has allowed me
nothing about China other than Ameri-
the essence of who I am has gradually
to receive what’s needed for where I am
canized Chinese food…straggling rela-
become as easy as breathing. Freeing me
now. The world is constantly evolving
tionships that never matured to a mean-
from the mental clutter and freeing me
into a greater continuation of its self and
ingful relationship status… and most
to be me… allowing me to tap into my
when I let go and let God so am I.
importantly, instant access to my surplus
original needs, desires and goals to focus
of security blankets (Chipotle, American
on the truth of “my” life.
spective, I have been shown that there
men, English speaking churches, family
is no loss in giving. All of the necessities
and friends** not necessarily in that
can be paralyzing and can lead to poor
and furnishings that I either lovingly
order) just to name a few.
judgment. Living with less helps with not
gave away or sold cheaply were replaced
taking things for granted. It encourages
by my fully furnished China apartment.
baggage, making the decision to let go
honest introspective thought about the
Fully furnished translates to enjoying
and live with less was going to prove to
decisions that impact the future. With
everything but owning nothing. While
be a challenge. But luckily in my heart
limited options, it’s easier to separate
“owning nothing” might have been a
of hearts I knew that the benefits com-
needs from wants, helping to stay fo-
red flag in my earlier years, wisdom has
pletely outweighed the supposed fear.
cused on what’s really important so that
taught me that ultimately everything
Besides, most of the stuff that I needed
the right opportunity can be recognized
belongs to God anyway.
to let go of, in many ways, was stunting
and acted on when presented.
my growth and not allowing me to walk
my gypsy ways by embarking on my
in the fulfillment of my true purpose. So
mated to China, I’m pleasantly surprised
next purpose driven adventure, I’ll be
I had to take a deep breath and woman
by how God has replaced everything with
pleased that I have less baggage and
up, knowing that play time was over, if I
its equivalent or something even greater.
more energy to enjoy the journey. I’m
intended to move into devine destiny.
Furthermore, He was able to do it in a way
so thankful that God’s ways are not like
It’s been coined that bad habits
that cost me absolutely nothing while still
our ways, in that he brings clarity to
are not erased but simply replaced. So
keeping my load light. It’s such a blessing
distortion of thoughts. Due to this truth
replacing things I let go of with prayer
to see the truth of his word come to life in
I’m able to have complete peace in the
time has allowed me to connect with the
reality that, less really is more.
With all of my tangible and intangible
Also, sometimes limitless possibilities
After having 7 months of getting accli-
Secondly, from a more tangible per-
Besides, whenever I decide to honor
40zROCK / TRAVEL
WORLD'S BEST DESTINATIONS by Jacquie Parish
Get a jump-start on your vacation planning with our list of places we think are the World's Best Destinations. These extraordinary destinations will leave you in awe. Are you ready to ROCK your world of travel?
(1) IBIZA An island in the Mediterranean Sea 79 km of the coast of the city of Valencia in Spain. It is one of the Balearic Islands, an autonomous community of Spain. This relatively small island has become a world-renowned tourist destination, with a mix of tourism, legendary nightlife and the electronic music that the island has spawned. In attempt to entice even more tourism, the island recently passed a rule every hotel is required to be 5 star. If your looking to visit, be sure you have made accommodations to be taken to the island by a private jet service. If you're coming from the mainland,
there is no need to worry there are ferries from the harbor of Sant Antoni and
ibiza town of Barcelona.
The one and only Anantara Kihavah
(2) SANTORINI GREECE
largely untouched, just over 400 miles
One of the world's most popular tourist
Baa Atoll with a wide range of marine life
destinations, you probably remember
and magnificent coral reefs. You can
the hot spot from the Kardashian's
even gaze at fish swimming along the
family vacation. Santorini ranks in the
colorful ocean floor, while you indulge in
world's top 20 countries. According to
a scrumptious molten chocolate cake. Mal-
the Greek Ministry of Tourism, the nation
dives takes the crown for the most remark-
received about 20 million visitors last
able location takes sea. If you don't feel
year. Visitors are drawn to the country's
up to dinning in harmony with the earth,
beaches and reliable sunny summer
you can head to your fabulous private
weather, its nightlife, historical sites and
villas and take advantage of several ways
natural beauty. Santorini generally expe-
to relax. If a perfect vacation is soaking
riences two seasons. April to October is
in your own bath tub at the edge of the
the warm and dry season and the cold
infinity pool while enjoying the view, then
and rainy season lasts from November to
this is just the resort for you. If you find
March. How do you get there? Aegean
yourself exhausted but still want to enjoy
Airlines operate direct flights to Athens
the ambiance of a pool, then climb into a
private bed located in the pool.... Yes, you
Resort in the Maldives, island nation from Sri Lanka. The resort is tucked away in
heard us right, “ A bed in the pool”!
lz SAVE THE DATE lz
1 - 23 - 15 40zROCK
1st ANNIVERSARY PARTY STAY TUNED DETAILS TO FOLLOW
40zROCK 40zROCK Quarterly Magazine Issue No. 2
WHAT TO DO AFTER THE “I DO’s” ARE YOU LOVING YOURSELF ENOUGH?
+ THE BEST
Quarterly Magazine Issue No. 3
KIM BURRELL ON HOW LIFE GETS BETTER IN YOUR 40z
TO HAVE OR NOT TO HAVE YOU CHOOSE ARE YOU A MARY OR A MARTHA? FENG SHUI
EATING TO LIVE
EN D! OM ORL EW EW L B H DI T RE ED NC CK 7 I RO O WH
40zROCK MS. JULY
NOT WHAT YOU THINK
MEDICINE FOR YOUR HEART
POWER of a Teacher STRONG INSPIRING CHIC
MODEL SEARCH CALLING ALL WOMEN IN THEIR 40’z OF BEAUTY, STYLE & SUBSTANCE Want to be selected for our 2015 40’z Rock Calendar?
Who wouldn’t – and if you enter our Model search before October 31, 2014, you just might be one of the 12 ladies selected.
ENTER Register at www.40zrock.com or http://bit.ly/1mBsL0B Upload a 30sec video telling why you ROCK! Submit a $40 processing fee per entry
BONUS Contest entrants become part of the 40z Rock magazine talent pool and may be contacted to participate in future editorial features.
CONTEST ENTRY OPEN UNTIL:
Have a fabulous friend, enter her too!
October 31, 2014 (11:59pm CST) #40zRock
STAY TUNED ... WINNERS TO BE ANNOUNCED!
wx AN INTERVIEW WITH
OF NATION WASTE, INC.
“ONE WOMAN’S TRASH IS ANOTHER WOMAN’S TREASURE” SOUNDS COMPLETELY CLICHE, BUT THIS LATINA POWERHOUSE HAS LITERALLY TURNED TRASH INTO TREASURE! by Sandra Wyckoff
Maria Rios is the Founder, President & CEO of Nation Waste, Inc. Her company is a fully-certified commercial solid waste disposal and recycling company with a fleet of over 20 trucks. Maria’s list of accomplishments range from being awarded the Entrepreneur Gold Medal Award from President Obama, to being ranked no. 7 by Fortune Magazine as one of the Most Powerful Women Entrepreneurs in the United States. I think you will agree, Maria ROCKS in her 40z!
Maria: Absolutely. From both my parents. Sandra: You are one of, if not the only, female Hispanic woman in the trash industry. What advice would you give to other women who are trying to break through barriers as well?
Maria: What I would tell them is to work hard with integrity. Educate yourself in the field in which you want to go into, and most of all believe in yourself. Never give up. Always keep moving forward and disregard nay sayers. Follow your visions... Believe and know that the sky is the limit.
Sandra: Some great advice. I know you have received a lot of different accolades and awards, but could you tell me which one you hold near and dear to your heart?
Sandra: How was it growing up as an immigrant in El Salvador? Maria: I was like a typical girl. No difference from growing up any place else. I am the youngest of three sisters. I will admit that I was, and still am, my parents treasure. (She laughs.)
Sandra: When you were a little girl what did you imagine or dream your life would be like?
Maria: Since I was a little girl, I always wanted to own my own business. I think I got [this] from my parents especially my dad. He was a hard worker and a leader. He was considered a successful entrepreneur.
So would you say this is where your business aspirations stemmed from? Watching your father?
Maria: (without hesitation she answers) The gold medal from the President of the United States for Entrepreneur of the Year Gold Medal Award.
Sandra: How was that experience being in the White House? Maria (chuckles) Which time? Sandra: Well either time. Well the first time? Maria: The first and second. Actually the third time was the best. Not the first time. You didn’t have a clue what to do. The second time, more or less, but the last time was much better.
So you have actually been invited to the White House three times?
Maria: Yes, three times.
w / Photography: Bobby B Photos / Makeup: Lamik Cosmetics / Hair: AndrĂŠ Deleon Salon /
Sandra: That is amazing. Did you ever imagine in your wildest
Maria: Actually, he wants me to stop...He constantly tells me I
dreams that you would be at the White House at some point? Did that even cross your mind?
need to slow down. He thinks I have done enough. But don’t get me wrong, I have the best husband! He is my best friend, a great father and a wonderful provider. I could not have picked a better man for me.
Maria: No, no I never had that in my mind...NEVER! I thought why would I ever be there? There is nothing there for me unless I ran for some kind of office. But, no never! Getting the award was the nicest thing. It has inspired me so much. From the awards and invitation. One thing I love seeing and meeting such high level people that know so much more than myself.
Sandra: Would you say you are living the American dream? Maria: Yes, I am truly living the American dream! More than anyone could ever dream.
I know you have been married since you were very young. So, did you and your husband often dream together, or was this something you shared with him knowing deep down inside that you were going to do something amazing?
Maria: My husband and I met when I was 16 and I got engaged at 17. He waited for me to turn 18. Upon graduating from high school we got married. I told him, I don’t know anything. My mother basically did everything for me. So I told him I don’t know how to cook and clean. Gaining knowledge was at the top of my list. I told him “If you want to marry me you have to take me as I am”, and he did just that. My focus was on school. Then I started going to college and kids came. It was very difficult because I was no longer living off my parents money. It was just us. One salary to do everything and it was expensive, so it took me some time to finish my degree. That was my goal. At one point it was so difficult my husband asked me to give up and I didn’t want to do that. I realized that my vision was different from his. Even now he thinks we have enough [for me to stop.] Honestly, it’s not about things, it’s about what I can do for other people, and trying to be the best role model not just for my kids, but for all kids. That’s what gives me joy!
How did you feel when you found out Fortune Magazine had ranked you the 7th Most Powerful Woman in business?
Maria: It felt unbelievable. My first word was, “WOW”!! IT was a true day to be remembered.
I bet your husband is like “enough is enough now,” not to mention he is so proud.
How was your transition into your 40z? Happy? Sad? Was it something you were afraid of?
Maria: I was so busy I didn’t stop to think how old I am. I feel 20. I don’t even think of age. I feel beautiful. From every aspect of my life my time has always been trying to go higher so age was not a problem for me.
Sandra: And how old are you? Maria: (she chuckles) I am in my fabulous 40z! Sandra: You look wonderful for your age. Are people shocked to find out you’re in your 40z?
Maria: No they actually forget to ask me about age. Sandra: I know you are always busy and giving back to the world, but when you are not giving back, what do you like to do to rejuvenate yourself?
Maria: I love spending time with my family. We travel together, and I spend time with my parents. Unfortunately, I lost my dad a couple of months ago so I spend as much time as I can with my mother.
Sandra: You have three children. Maria: Yes, two girls and one boy (Evette, Connie and Alex). I have one grand child.
Sandra: What inspires you most? Maria: Life! When I can develop something like I did with my business, and then watch it grow into something amazing. That inspires me.
Sandra: You started with two trucks and now you have worked your way up to over 20 trucks.
Maria: I started with one division and now I’m up to six with more to come.
Sandra: What would you say you would most like to be remembered for?
Maria: I want [people] to remember that I always stayed true to myself. I was there and shared my story truthfully with them, and hopefully my works have inspired them.
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Who Comes FIRST ? by Tezzie Gilbert
My question to you is, “who comes first in your rela-
will dwindle if you fail to make time. Keep him close without
tionship?” Are you considered a priority in the relation-
making him first. The same goes with family. Keep them close
ship or are you merely existing? Many women seem to think that entering into a relationship means that they
without keeping them first.
For example, I am in a relationship, a single mother and
currently hold a high level position in Corporate America. I
must put themselves to the side in order to make it
made it known from the beginning in my relationship what
successful. Not TRUE!
my plans are and how he fits into the picture. I rise early, make breakfast and lunch for my boys and we eat together. I am
Putting yourself last in anything will come back to haunt you in the end. One of the biggest debates of this life time is “CAN ONE HAVE IT ALL?” I am going to go out on a limb and say yes. When you are able to compartmentalize and prioritize all things in your life…You can have it all.
If you have recently entered into a relationship and have
already began putting dreams, goals and aspirations on the back burner…You are headed for a train wreck. If you are established in your relationship, it is still not too late to turn things around.
Here is how I bet you are asking, “HOW?” Well, here is how. Sit down and evaluate what you want out of your life verses what you have accomplished. Next, formulate a plan. Last, communicate your feelings and plans with your significant other. Make sure that your significant other is reassured that making a decision to put you first does not mean that he falls to the bottom. It merely means that he will need to adapt to changes in the relationship.
Establish a Balance Providing a healthy balance of how you will be orchestrating
home in enough time to greet my love when he walks in the door, take my son to his sporting activities and make dinner. I solicit help from him when I need it and other family when necessary.
Trust me, you can climb the corporate latter, make history,
run a successful household and maintain a successful relationship when you become the priority.
Remember people are subject to make time for the things
that are important to them. Make yourself the center and build around it. This does not mean that you become self-centered, it just means you make sure you are FIRST.
Make yourself the center and build around it.
and executing your plan is so important! Your relationship
SPIRIT by Jeneé Pierre
Spirituality has always been an intriguing subject for me. I have a very vivid memory of when I was about seven years old and returning home from a family trip to the grocery store. I went to my room and what was usually a very delightful time digging in Mrs. Baird’s cinnamon rolls with my brother turned into a somber moment. I couldn’t take the next bite and I went to my room and curled on my small yellow stool and started weeping. I didn’t want my feet to touch the ground as I repeated through my panting and tears “I don’t want to go to hell….I don’t want to go to hell”. It was Sunday and I was reflecting on the sermon the preacher talked about that day and many Sundays before.
I loved church. Growing up, our local church was a warm place with old wooden pews, deep spiritual hymns, all while filled with pride my father sat on the first row with the rest of the deacons. As I grew older, the churches looked different. By middle school, we were attending a church in the cafeteria of an elementary school. I realize now these were all fairly young families with elders necessary for advisement who need to be a part of something fresh and build…from scratch. And that is precisely what they did, by high school we were in a beautiful new church building and more than tripled in size….just like that. This is the church that carried me off to college years and in those early college days I learned our pastor had a secret affair with the church secretary turned executive director over night. For me, intuitively, even as an adolescent, I was not upset about the affair. I was frustrated by the fact that my best friend was asked to go in front of the church and confess her sins and ask for forgiveness for being pregnant. You can sense the irritation in me regarding this situation. I am consciously writing with the emotion I felt at that time. I felt a need to be a part of something and build from scratch. I remember being extremely judgmental in high school about certain religions and lifestyles. It was my sincere truth. Then, life happened. I was being handed mirrors left and right forced to see my reflection in each of these scripts and the characters in them. I worked hard and pushed through the fun and evolving distractions and they became a part of my regular experiences. I finished school, worked, completed grad school and expanded my territory. In this journey, I met people of different cultures, religions, and views. But, I didn’t just come across them on their paths; they became coworkers, friends, confidents and lovers. I found myself feeling like it was absurd to think someone was going to hell because they were not Christian. It was a joke and I pitied those that were not conscious…by my definition at the time. I was matter of fact in my approach and had a black and white approach…no grey. The visions I saw and manifested through these lenses reached far beyond the church walls. They showed up in my relationships,
one can always assess. I found myself changing churches and I also changed jobs, changed relationships…but I never moved a lot. It demonstrates loyalty to my foundation while not using solid materials and tools necessary to withstand the storms and divine time. I started to see the connection between acceptance and spirituality. In high school, yes I acknowledged other spiritual views, but I was not able to knowledgably even attempt a connection to fully accept them. When I did, things started to change for me. Authentically seeking my connection to other people, regardless of where they are standing or from which they came, has allowed me to find my connection to all living things… and it is a regular and evolving discovery. This extends beyond strangers who practice a different religion, eat different foods and call God a different name in a different language. It also extends to people who have once been very close to me and who may even have the same spiritual views, yet, hurt me,betrayed me, or abused me. This was the latest and most recent step in my many lessons of acceptance – accepting those that violated your trust. It is hard, challenging, and most cases than not, absolutely unheard of. When accepting someone that once had a role in your script and was fired off the set, you then are able to deal with all of the things that happened behind the curtain. It is a revealing, releasing and healing space to brave your way through…it certainly was for me. Of all of the scary things, rising above fear to face yourself and ask yourself honest questions about what makes you happy is elevation. However, it’s not one step to an end, it is ever evolving with many different levels – levels you define as you step in your purpose and strive for the ultimate elevation. I connect to that pastor in high school. We have never personally spoken about the incident and I’m not sure what is going on in his life at the moment. For whatever reason, he continued through losing his church that was built by those loyal and diligent families, and built a new church. Who knows what is happening or what will happen in the future, but I see me in him. It may look different and a different script, but we
at work and in my ebb and flow with my family and closest friends. But, I was good as I told myself many times at that particular time. The relationship I had with spirituality is the relationship I had with life. There was nothing good or bad about it, it was what it was at that time. However, in that level of awareness,
all have experiences that cause us the need to rebuild. And as they say the only thing constant is change. I came to realize for myself spiritual connections are made when we first fully acknowledge we are spirits and all have the ability to elevate beyond what our physical eyes can see. My life changed when I put Spirit in Spirituality.
SINGLE DADS OVER 40 DATING AGAIN...
WHAT ABOUT MY KIDS? by Mena Freeman
It is rarely a good idea to introduce your children, either minors or adults to a new person. Small children are sometimes resentful that dad is with someone other than mommy. It can be confusing and hurtful. They often think that dad is betraying mom and themselves as well, if he is with another woman. This may cause young ones to act out, be rude or simply shut down. If your new date turns out to the not so nice, you would not want to expose your children to her. On the other hand, the kids may really like her. They may bond immediately. Sound good, but what if the two of you don’t bond so easily?
the same grandchildren. Understand that their wish is to have
My recommendation is to wait at least a year before introduc-
do you bring your children and her children together? My
ing very young children to the new person whom you are
suggestion is not at the same time. Instead, invite your kids
dating. This also includes grandchildren. It is not fair to them or
out to dinner to meet her, afterwards do the same with hers
to your date. Remember, as a parent you are constantly being
at another time.
watched. With that comes the responsibility of leaving a posi-
tive and permanent impression. IF you brought one woman
during the first meeting. Remember no matter the age, they
over to meet the kids for the 4 of July barbeque and another
are your children. This lady is there instead of their mother.
one over for Labor Day, you may also lose a little respect. Also,
Allow them to get to know your new lady first. This will allow
you do not want the embarrassment of your date being called
them to form their own opinion without input from a spouse.
the name of the lady who was with you the last time. When
Let them go back and describe her.
kids are confused, they tend to be a bit mean at times.
the same plan. After a couple of weeks have gone by, invite
Also, taking a new person to a family gathering changes
their parents together.
If your wife is deceased, your children may not accept a
new woman with their dad for a very long time. Remember, you lost your companion, yet you can get another one. As a matter of fact, here you are interviewing one right now in front of them! Just be compassionate, your children lost their mother. She is completely irreplaceable.
With that said, when you do feel that enough time has
passed and your children are open to meeting this new lady, do not take the new lady to meet your kids at their mother’s home. Just be sensitive to their feelings.
Ok. Let’s say a year or a respectable amount of time has
gone by and you and this lady are close and committed. How
If at all possible, do not include their spouses or children
The next meeting, let it be with her children and follow
the focus from your family to this stranger. Just go alone and
the spouses and then blend them with the grandkids if any.
spend that quality time with them. Again, kids come first.
meeting, but it is necessary in order to bring your relationship
Ok, what about adult children? Same answer. With adult
There is no guarantee that this will be a warm and happy
children, expect an interrogation, especially if your child is
with the new lady closer. The kids may never think of them-
female. She will inspect your date from head to toe, usually
selves as siblings, or even friends. But they must know one
comparing her to mom. There is rarely a woman who can
another. Just take it slowly. Do not be too anxious for them
hold a candle to mom. If you are recently divorced, remember
to bond. After all, the real focus is on the two of you feeling
the child could not take sides. He/she loves you both and no
comfortable with each other. Although huge, putting the
matter how old they are, unless the circumstances are unusual
kids together is only a stepping stone toward your
they want the parents together. You and the kid’s mom have
Okay, I’ve done it. NOW WHAT? by Merneen Spearman
Your Life Is Not Over Because You’ve Done It: Women Learning to Repent, Regroup, Rebound and Rejoice after Regretful Choices
How many times have you heard, “Don’t you do it!” But, you did it anyway.
You may be wondering what the “it” is. It is whatever
you’ve done, that you shouldn’t have done and it has caused you to experience regret. We all have actually done something that have caused severe consequences to manifest in our lives. Whatever the “it” is in your life, nine times out of ten, you were warned in some way not to actually do it before you did it. Consequently, you are probably still feeling the effects of what you’ve done long after you’ve done it.
The goal of this teaching is to help us understand that you
are not alone and that whatever you have done is forgivable and you can rebound from it. Some women feel that their past is so overwhelmingly disastrous, that they cannot muster up enough strength and will power to look to the future. In this teaching, you will see in God’s Word that whatever the “it” is, surely it can be gotten over. Thanks be to God, your life is not over because of the “it!”
I thank God for helping me to realize that the “its” in my
life were not the end of the story for me. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, our flesh will cause us to engage, rehearse and house the regretful choices that we’ve made. Oh, how we thank God for the opportunity of repentance that will bring a time of refreshing to our lives and a season of rejoicing.
1. DEALING WITH “IT” Genesis 3:12 The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.” God said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?” This entire saga begins with Genesis the 3rd chapter, with the fall of man in the garden. But as I stated, it began there. It doesn’t end there. The question is asked by God “What is
this that you’ve done?” This question is filled with responsi-
2. IDENTIFYING “IT”
bility. Adam and Eve had to make a choice to disobey God’s
command, just as we have the same choice to make. Hence,
“Those people are on a dark spiral downward. But if you think
whatever it is that you’ve done, take responsibility for it. Don’t
that leaves you on the high ground where you can point your
try to pass it along to someone else. For example, when I was
finger at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone,
a teacher in the classroom. I’d given the same instruction to all
you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental
of the students at the same time, it never fails; someone will
criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection
not follow the instructions that were given. Those who did not
in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily
follow the instruction, always had some type of excuse. What is
diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and
it that you’ve done? Be ready to deal with it HEAD ON.
holds you to what you’ve done”
I know that you’ve had that moment where you’ve said to
Those who have done it, know others who have done it.
yourself “I’ve done it now, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
In other words, you are not alone. This is why we should not sit
You’re wrong there is something that you can do about it.
in judgment of others. I’ll put it like this, I’ve done it and you’ve
Important facts to remember about identifying what it is that you’ve done.
done it, so now what? We heal and move on to live for Christ,
A. You are not the first one and the only one to have done it and someone else will do the same thing after you. Ecclesiastes 1:9 “The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.”
B. Confession is the key to releasing it. It’s okay to share it with God and one trusted Christian leader who is given to prayer. James 5:16 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
C. It will come out anyway. Luke 8:17 “For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.”
to testify about our deliverance and that He will do the same for you. God is no respecter of persons, what He’s done for one, He’ll do for the other. (Acts 10: 34)
3.RELEASING “IT” Matthew 3:2 “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” Let’s take a look at rebounding in the sense of returning to normal. After the “it” experience in our lives, we tend to feel a sense of normalcy escaping us. Because of some of the things that we’ve done in life, the consequences alter the sense of normalcy that we once knew. Normalcy can be recovered. Even when it seems like it just won’t happen. Keep believing, work at it and you will see the results. Now what? Repent, regroup and you will rejoice.
is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which is an annual campaign to increase awareness of the disease. While most people are aware of breast cancer, many forget to take the steps to have a plan to detect the disease in its early stages and encourage others to do the same. Today, there are more than 3 million breast cancers survivors in the U.S. DID YOU KNOW? Breast cancer is the most common cancer among women worldwide and the second-most common cancer overall. In 2014, an estimated 232,030 cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed in the U.S. alone. So no matter who you are or where you live, understanding breast cancer is important. But the most important thing to know is this: a diagnosis is not a death sentence. Breast cancer can be treated. Thanks to different organizations such as Susan G. Komen and Sisters Network Inc. their efforts are changing lives. 40z Rock, is committed to giving back to the community. Want you to join us! To get started visit www.sistersnetworkinc.org or www.komen.org
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